weddings by two

i’ve seen two variations of possible carey and killian bouquet toss shenanigans- one that involves taako going all the fuck out to catch that bouquet and one that involves him and lup fighting tooth and nail over the damn thing because they both want to marry their boyfriends. i would like to add a third option for your consideration:

two brides. two bouquets. two twins. 

no one has to leave empty handed, and no one is going to. 

you see, lup and taako have been anticipating this bouquet toss for months. they have planned for this. these elves are out for metaphorical blood, and nothing up to and including another apocalypse is going to stop them from getting their mitts on those flowers, because they have an agreement. a promise they made to each other over a century and a half ago, when they were just kids fighting for survival in their homeworld. they’d promised one another that neither of them would ever get married unless (unless) they were able to do so together in a fucking sweet-ass garish and well-catered double wedding. 

which, of course, is why barry and lup never tied the knot properly in the, what like sixty-someodd years since they made things fantasy facebook official? she wasn’t gonna get hitched unless her brother was doing it too. except now, now that taako has found his bliss with ghost rider? everything is fair game and marriage is absolutely on the table. which makes it the most important thing in the world that they both get their hands on a bouquet at carey and killian’s wedding, by any and all means necessary. so they plan. they scope out the temple months beforehand under the guise of, i dunno, menu planning or some shit like that? but they’re actually just getting a read on the lay of the land, where the toss will take place, how they can use the environment to their advantage.

they track davenport down, using the postcards he sends them to anticipate his movements, find him docked in a lively port town and ask him to give them pointers on illusory magic. they know they’re good enough at it, but he’s the best, and they need to learn from the best to pull this off. dav’s a little… concerned, because the twins won’t tell him why they’re asking for tips, but they say they don’t want to implicate him as an accomplice in anything, and he’s known these two long enough to be sure he really doesn’t want to know what they’re planning. 

the day of the wedding comes and it’s a fucking beautiful ceremony, not a dry eye in the room by the end of it. the reception goes off without a hitch, dinner’s a hit, and then it’s time for the bouquet toss. there is a large-ish crowd gathered on the dancefloor, and carey and killian are standing on chairs, backs to the crowd and each holding a bouquet. taako and lup are waiting near the back of the crowd. everyone cheerfully counts down “three! two! one!” and then, just as the brides toss their bouquets over their shoulders, lup’s wand twitches in her hand and there’s a loud explosion outside. 

everyone turns to look out the window, concerned, and that’s when taako strikes, brandishing the krebstar and producing an illusion of about fifty bouquets, all soaring through the air at once. only the twins, who had been watching closely the whole time, know which two are the real ones. lup runs across the dancefloor at taako, who tosses her up above the crowd where, in true flipwizard style, she snatches her bouquet out of the air and lands on her feet with an acrobatic flourish. taako, having boosted his sister up, now zeroes in on his own bouquet, which is hurtling towards the ground. he runs toward it and, just when it seems like he’s not going to make it before it hits the floor, he drops down and knee slides the final few feet, bending backward as he goes and catching it gracefully at the last moment.

this all takes place over the span of about two and a half seconds, and at the end of it all, when the metaphorical dust has settled, all that’s left is about seventy confused wedding guests, two elves grinning smugly and high-fiving with bouquets in their hands, and barry and kravitz sitting at their table looking equal parts stunned, impressed, and smitten with their respective SOs.

basically, tl;dr, why have the twins fight when they could just as easily work together and pull of some dope-ass feat of awesomeness?

Slight comic delay!

I planned to have the next part of ‘A Tale of Two Rulers’ up tonight but I got married this weekend and my schedule got waaaaay crazier than I accounted for! ^_^’

I’ll stay up as late as I can to get it done, but if I accidentally fall asleep I’ll have it finished up as soon as I can tomorrow!

Thank so much to everyone for your patience, kind words, and support! (and if you wanna see a few wedding pics that my friends and family took, they’re here on my ‘Figmentforms-the-human’ blog.)

In honor of it being a year since The Wedding Squanchers first aired, here’s the grandpa busting out of space prison.

Nerd weddings are the best

Seriously, you get:

  • A bride walking down the aisle to Lord of the Rings
  • The minister beginning with “Marriage is what brings us together today”
  • Readings from Neil Gaiman and Walt Whitman
  • Star Trek references in the vows
  • The bridal party exiting to the Star Wars theme
  • A playlist that includes more LoTR, the Cantina song, and the Firefly theme song

You also get amazing cake toppers like this

  • What She Says: I'm Fine.
  • What She Means: Barney and Robin were the most awesome god damn couple ever and they should not have broken apart just because of a simple travel issue. I find it hurtful that the writers would literally spend an entire season focused on these two's wedding and then within the first 10 minutes of the episode directly following the ceremony have them break up (while also breaking hearts) just so that they can put Robin with a half-fast reunitement of Robin and Ted despite Ted already being with the most perfect human being ever. So what do they do? They kill her off, just so they can put these two characters who have had no success in romantic relationships with each other. So not only do they destroy one adorable and beloved couple but two. Yes, I am still bitter over this.