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Dear Scarlet, 
You were the very best ring bearer/maid of honor/best girl at our wedding in May. I’m so happy you were there with me while we started this new chapter of our life as 3. I’m going to stray away from our usual format to present a flood of wedding photos. It’s important to me to share with everyone who has been so supportive of us over the last year and I know how fondly we will look back on these pictures and words in the future. 

Here you are walking me down the “aisle” I was so honored that you agreed to be there and do this for me. I won’t say you gave me away. I’m yours forever, kid.

We actually got married in a stranger’s front yard! Our photographer knocked on their door about 20 minutes before the ceremony and asked if we could borrow her yard. Vows over venue, always. “I Know Places” by Lykke Li was playing while we walked. 

In my circle of friends, “marriage” is one of those words you use in the same sentence as “mainstream” or “heteronormativity.” We’re those kind of hipsters. We talk about marriage in terms of “at some point” as opposed to the near future and weddings themselves as huge excuses to party – not a day to solidify your need to own or to belong to another person.

Even today as we celebrate Ruth Bader-Ginsberg and her 12-piece band, we are simultaneously critical of how the marriage equality discussion has largely drowned out any number of other problems faced by folks along the LGBTQ spectrum, problems largely encountered by Black and Latin@ folks. Marriage equality, to many of us, is seen as assimilation of the queer community into mainstream heteronormativity (see I did it without even thinking about it) and we are critical of marriage as an institution built on capitalist commodification of love, an enforcer of gender norms, etc etc I’m running out of breath.

That said, there is undeniable beauty to a wedding. The dopamine rush that comes when two people you love proclaim their happiness and security in each other is a sort of affirmation that there are levels of connection deeper than friendship or comradery.

We can critique the building and re-work the facade without tearing down the whole thing. 

In my circles of friends, “marriage” may come with its hesitations, but weddings usually come with joy. As we all get older and find our our big brothers and sisters busier with their lives and we ourselves find ourselves pulled across the city to attend to the march of time and the organizations that need us, weddings are opportunities for us to come together without worrying about logistics or planning but just to celebrate. Weddings are those few hours that we can all share space and break bread without having to worry about agendas and check-ins.

—  A Wedding and a Thought, by Sean Miura

anonymous asked:

How do I write a wedding scene? It's supposed to be the first chapter of my book.

more-legit here

First things first: why does the wedding matter? What does it bring to the story and why does it need to be the first chapter of your story?

The wedding itself is not going to be [shouldn’t be] the crux of your opening. What matters much more is what happens during that wedding? How do your characters feel about it? Who is getting married? Why are they getting married?

If this is just a regular wedding with nothing other happening than two people in love starting a life journey together, it really is not the best place for you to start your story. There probably should be some kind of conflict. For example, the bride is terrified of getting married and decides to run off, leaving the groom standing at the altar. Maybe a woman is rethinking her life choices after being asked to be a bridesmaid at her 27th wedding. Maybe the bride invited her three potential fathers without telling her mother? [tell me you recognize these plots] Maybe this is from the point of view of the maid of honour who is heartbroken because she’s in love with the bride but can’t say it any more.

So sort out first why the wedding is where you need to start and what would make it interesting as the introduction to your story and your characters.

As to the wedding itself, there are as many different kinds of weddings as there are couples having weddings or people dreaming/planning/imagining weddings. So ask yourself what kind of wedding your characters are having? Is it a religious wedding (research religious ceremonies of the faith your characters marry according to/ or invent them for speculative fiction settings) or a civil wedding (research legal requirements and administrative organisation in your setting). Are they the kind of people who will have 500 guests at the wedding? Or would they just elope or have a small wedding? Do they have money for a big reception or would they need not to spend on something lavish or frivolous? What kind of setting do they have available where they live for their wedding or can they travel? You probably wouldn’t have a beach wedding if you lived in Nebraska for example.

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