So I’ve been waiting till the couple getting married who commissioned this from me get back with better photos from their photographer, but! In light of the potential tumblr purge coming soon I wanted to make sure that everyone sees this!!!

8 feet long and 40+ hours later this is by far the most labor intensive calligraphy piece I’ve ever made. I offered the couple the 3 hands I could do as examples, with gothic being my worst and slowest one. Of course, that’s the one they picked.

And it’s pretty much a giant shitpost. You know that Willy Wonka contract they sign before going into the factory? With a few modifications, this is it.

I used all 4 parallel pen sizes and a Viscotti 1.4 mm. The ink is Diamine Purple Pizzazz–except for the writing written at the very bottom. That’s in copperplate, and written using diamine Golden Sands.

I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of anything I’ve made tbh. Had to redo it 6 times but EVENTUALLY!!! I GOT IT!!!

It says, for those of you who are curious and also are normal people who have troubles reading gothic:

“WHEREAS The management cannot be held responsible for anything at all.


WHEREAS For damage caused by falling stars, over-indulgence in silly drinks, or frippery of any sort, kind or condition, consequently the undersigned take responsibility, et cetera, et cetera.

WHEREAS During the term of this Agreement you will become and remain, at your sole cost and expense and at our request, a member in good standing of this merry bunch. Nothing herein contained shall be deemed serious or binding, except for that which is written and agreed to by the undersigned party, et cetera, et cetera.

WHEREAS It is highly unlikely that things will go according to plan, the undersigned agrees to play along as though we meant it all along.


WHEREAS Additional contractual verbiage is in accordance with the original inspiration and model of this particular contract, and said verbiage shall continue to reduce in size until the undersigned has squinted sufficiently hard and of a duration satisfying no person specifically, the undersigned will now sign their name and be social.


Whereas the undersigned has read thus far with aide of magnifying glass or supernatural vision, with accordance of the Agreement above, shall hurry up already and sign the damn thing because they are holding up the guest book line and the cake shall be cut without you.”

PS–who would have ever thought my mom’s 10 lb silver candlesticks would have made such good paperweights?