wearing a holster

10

My small wish: Benedict and Martin filming a cop movie.
I want Benedict as a new, enthusiastic stubborn cop and Martin as a bad dirty cop. They hate each other at first but soon realize they’re actually good partners.

2

This is hands down the most amazing commission I’ve ever been asked for. The specifics were “Taako riding a black motorcycle wearing aviators. There’s a shotgun holster holding the umbrastaff. There’s an explosion behind him. It’s awesome.”

This is the second piece of finished taz art I’ve ever done and I’ve already peaked. This is it. I can’t top this. 

hellaswawesome-deactivated20170  asked:

Yo so imagine lardo wearing one of Holster's swearshirts and like, she's s w i m m i n g in it like the sleeves go way past her hands and she just.... swings her arms around so she's gently batting at herself with the giant sleeves and she is toasty and warm and happy

oh man OH MAN she’s so small and he’s SO BIG that would be so fucking cute omg i’m cryin in the club

anonymous asked:

ok so like my best friend in high school was very punk and I was SUCH a prep and we used to get weird looks when we'd walk together and I'm just saying imagine Ransom and Holster as the punk/prep duo

thank u for giving me the perfect opportunity to post this????

also do u think holster would wear salmon shorts in this universe

Hartwin fic recs (2/?)

[Long post]

These are lovingly saved in my laptop’s Kindle and I love them dearly. It’s umbrellas this time, glasses if I made part 3.

Authors’ tagged tropes are included and I tried my best not to include spoilers. As usual my comments are in italics.  

☂️ Sparking - LapisLazuli. E, 2k. Traped in a closet trope. 

“Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while,” Harry whispers, calm as you please, as if Eggsy’s face isn’t pressed directly into the little hollow between his neck and his shoulder, as if Eggsy isn’t drowning in the fucking scent of his cologne, as if the fabric of his bespoke suit isn’t caressing Eggsy’s cheek like a goddamn lover.

☂️ Red Striped Ties - violentcheese. G, 1k. Red string of fate AU.

“Eggsy is the ragamuffin kid who refuses to stop hanging the Kingsman Tailor shop because he has a crush on Harry Hart, the owner.”

Eggsy follows his string patiently. Harry ignores his.

☂️ You Get Up With Fleas - evil_brainmate. T, 74k. Corgi/prince!Eggsy. My first time prompting someone (with my old url) and the result is so much more than I expected.

Eggsy is a fairy prince, trapped in the human world and cursed to transform each day into a corgi. Harry Hart is a gentleman spy, and mortal, who picks him up thinking he’s a stray. The two of them must work together to find a way to break the curse.

☂️ Paint With all the Colours of the Wind - Della19. G, 1k. Soulmates AU. 

Harry x Eggsy soulmate au where you only see colour once you meet your soulmate (so you don’t know them until you see them).

And it goes away when they die.

☂️ our vintage misery - fideliant. E, 23k. Pining, slow burn. 

hey young blood, doesn’t it feel
like our time is running out?

On a difficulty scale of one to saving the world, love shouldn’t be this far off the charts.

☂️ into the wails of your windfight - fideliant. E, 8k. Pining. 

It takes a mission gone wrong for Eggsy to find out that even in real life, the dead don’t always stay dead. Sometimes the movies get that part right, it would seem.

☂️ Class Of Conduct - fideliant. E, 13k. Slow burn. 

Or, Six Things Eggsy Has Learned About Being A Gentleman

“Lesson number one,” Harry says. “Manners matter.”

☂️ Random Access Memories - fideliant. E, 20k. Memory loss.

Having a supercomputer in your head isn’t all that much to be cracked up about.

☂️ down dark tides the glory slides - fideliant. E, 23k. Pining, memory loss. 

You only ever truly hurt the ones you love.

☂️ Or Else - breakdancingfish. M, 4k.

Before they’re allowed to go out on their own, Eggsy and Roxy form a four person team with Harry and Merlin, completing several missions together. Oh, and Harry is the world’s biggest tease. Of course.

☂️ We Are Faking It - lokidiabolus. T, 62k. Fake relationship, slow burn.

For Eggsy it was a thing - he was taking from Harry enough, now was the time he should give something back. Even if it meant playing his lover to get the mission going and catch the culprit. Who would it be if not him, right? Right.

☂️ 57 Degrees. Precisely. - Galahard. M, 6k. Marine!Eggsy, texing, coffee shop AU.

In an alternate world Eggsy goes into the Marines, and stays in the Marines. This is a take on that au, though please forgive my lack of actual Marine knowledge. Also included: finicky coffee drinkers, texting addictions, and baristas with ulterior motives.

☂️ A Not So Lazy Evening - Galahard. E, 3k. Bottom!Harry, PWP. Really good read.

☂️ Vermillion - Galahard. E, 14k. Shy!Harry, slow burn.

He didn’t know what to do with that. He didn’t blush. He wasn’t some teenager to be so affected by anything Eggsy did. Though really, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked at someone and not pictured them in his bed but rather his dining room, chowing down on too sugary cereal while loudly revealing his plans for the day.

☂️ Soulmates - Galahard. 1k. Soulmates AU. How much do I adore this? A lot.

For Harry Hart’s 16th birthday he not only gets his soul mark.

He gets a complete sentence.

☂️ Withdrawal - Saucery. T, 1k. Pining, finger kink.

Eggsy goes into withdrawal without Harry’s touch.

☂️ The Language of Flowers - Saucery. M, 1k. Flower shop AU, florist!Eggsy, lawyer!Harry, meet-cute, mutual pining.

Eggsy is a florist with an attitude. Harry is a lawyer with a conscience. Flowers bring them together.

☂️ The King’s Thief - twentyfourblackbirds. T, 8k.

“Harry,” Eggsy said one day, while Harry was deep in a report about weapons smuggling in Ukraine. “I really fancy you.”
“Mmm-hmm,” Harry responded, flipping to another chapter about airline safety standards in Indonesia.
“If I had to say it,” Eggsy mused, slightly put out, “I would, in fact, say that I am deeply, wildly, and madly in love with you.”
“That’s very good, Eggsy,” Harry said absentmindedly, scrawling his signature at the bottom of the paper.
Eggsy sighed. “Sometimes, I might think you don’t listen to a word I say.”

☂️ Patience and Sheer Determinaiton - blacktofade. E, 47k. Fake relationship, prostitute!Eggsy.

Harry goes undercover to infiltrate the circle of a corrupt overlord and is given Eggsy, a young prostitute, as a token of goodwill. Harry has to live with Eggsy and keep him safe, while maintaining his cover.

☂️ Care and Custody - esama. T, 50k.

Eggsy takes out the medal in slightly worse circumstances, asking for a miracle.

☂️ How Eggsy Met Harry, As Told Through A Series of Soul Marks - thayde. 91k. Soulmates AU, WIP. I would warn you that this hasn’t been updated for a long time now but if you have a brave heart then march on soldier.

Eggsy stares at the Mark on his chest sometimes, and wonders if his soulmate would ever settle for street trash like him.

☂️ Boyfriend Material - Deepdarkwaters. E, 3k. Mutual pining, oblivious!Eggsy.

“Are you a cigarette? Cos you’re smoking hot and I wanna put your butt in my mouth.”

☂️ Pig Latin - aerospaces. E, 10k. Fluff.

In Kenya, Eggsy falls off a flight of stairs. Or: lessons in cohabitation.

Eggsy discovers the joys of a home-cooked meal among many other things.

☂️ Considerably Less Cannibalism - LizaPod. E, 6k. Shaving, barebacking. This  one is the myth, the legend, the fic.

It is a real, physical struggle to not stare like a dogger while Harry shrugs off his jacket and undoes his collar, sets his signet ring aside. He has detailed, minutely detailed, fantasies about unbuttoning that fucking collar. At least he’s not wearing the holster right now, or Eggsy’d be sprung already. “It’s time you learned the fine art of the straight razor shave.”

Eggsy gives him his best you havin’ a fucking giggle, mate eyebrows. “Like Sweeney Todd?”

Harry’s sigh is just bordering on melodramatic, but he’s also got that odd— Roxy calls it enigmatic—smile he gets when Eggsy trots out some unexpected bit of culture. “Yes, Eggsy, like Sweeney Todd.”

☂️ Kiss Me Now (before I can run) - persephoneggsy. M, 37k. Soulmates AU.

It wasn’t unusual, Eggsy told himself. There were plenty of people- just a little under half of the world’s population, really- that weren’t with their soulmates. Some of them just hadn’t met yet; others had died beforehand; and then there were the people in Eggsy’s situation. Sometimes people genuinely didn’t want their soulmates. Either they were in love with someone else, or they just didn’t like what they got stuck with, and Eggsy imagined the latter was very much the case with him and Harry. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must have felt like for him, the world’s prime example of a posh bloke, to have his soulmate be some beaten-up kid. He would have rejected him too.

Or: soulmate AU where you know your soulmate from the moment you touch them, and when you do, their name gets written over your heart like a brand. But that’s not always a guarantee.

☂️ “It suits you, you should keep it” - eggsystolemyhart. G, 600-ish.

“What…?”

“Pardon, Eggsy.”

“What…?”

“Did you not hear me previously? I said it suits you, you should keep it.”

“What…?”

☂️ Five Stars, Would Shag Again - EmmyAngua. E, 6k. Seduction.

This time, the penultimate task isn’t to seduce an heiress, it’s to seduce an agent. Merlin assures the final three that the agent is chosen entirely at random.

So of *course* it’s Harry.

☂️ are we human, or are we dynamite - randomhorse. M, 13k. Pacific Rim AU. 

It’s been seventeen years since Harry has lost his co-pilot Lee Unwin in the drift, and still the world won’t stop ending.

In the Hong Kong Shatterdome, Merlin is launching a new line of Kingsman Jaegers fit to fight Category 4 Kaijus emerging from the Breach.

In the suburbs of London, Eggsy Unwin gets the draft for Jaeger Academy.

☂️ who got the keys to my bimmer - hartwinning. M, 69k. Mutual pining, mechanic!Eggsy, UST, slow burn.

“What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?”

Harry gives him a slightly bewildered look and furrows his brow.

“A porcupine has the pricks on the outside,” Eggsy finishes.

☂️ hold courage to your chest - Fahye. E, 46k. I adore this.

Eggsy slumps against the wall, feeling every bruise like it’s new, and tells the truth.

“You want to make sure I jump when I’m told?” he demands. “It’d better be you doing the telling, Harry.”

☂️ Bang to Rights - concernedlily. E, 17k. Police AU.

Constable Unwin never met a tailor before, but he knows this bloke who keeps turning up at his crime scenes ain’t one.

☂️ Breakeven - theshizniiit (orphan_account). E, 85k. Omega!Harry, mpreg.

When Harry walked inside the church (and then out of it, and right into Valentine’s bullet) he didn’t know he was pregnant.

And now he’s back from the dead. This time, with an extra passenger and quite a few problems.

☂️ The New Age - DivineProjectZero. Soulmates AU.

It starts with being cursed.

No, scratch that. It starts with a garden and a serpent. And no, it goes a little differently from what you’d think.

☂️ You Are Beautiful - Sheepie. G, 8k. Coffee shop AU.

Eggsy Unwin works as a barista at the Suited Bean. He’s been in love with regular customer Harry Hart for a long time, but he never said anything. Who would want to date someone his size? But Harry sees nothing wrong with the way Eggsy looks.

☂️ Couple of (Couples) Mugs - ilokheimsins. T, 2k. Fluff. 

Harry and Eggsy absolutely do not have couples mugs that proclaim their love for one another. Harry is about 70 percent sure of this.

☂️ Gimme All Your Love - midnightsurge. M, 11k. Fireman!Eggsy, rimming.

“Sorry,” a soothing, male voice started hesitantly, “but… didn’ I pull you out of a burnin’ building a few weeks ago?”

Harry nearly choked on his drink as the question registered in his mind, his brown eyes flicking to the side to confirm that, yes indeed, it was Eggsy standing there with wide eyes.

“Fuck, sorry!” Eggsy apologised profusely as he held his hands up, wanting to help but unsure how to do so. “Ain’t meant to startle you!”

Or

Eggsy is a fireman. He saves Harry’s life when a mission goes awry. A few weeks later, they meet again.

☂️ Rules of Insanity - inthepapers3times. E, 54k. Dark!Eggsy. 

The worst mistake of Harry Hart’s life started like many of the minor mistakes he had made: with a one night stand. If only he had taken the taxi all the way to his house. Maybe then he wouldn’t have met this particular young man, and he wouldn’t have taken him home. Maybe then all of this could have been avoided.

Harry gets pulled into a dangerous game with Gary, a disturbed man he barely knows, and has no choice but to play along.

Gary is in control completely. He makes the rules. Harry is just forced to follow them.

☂️ dig in your fingers - kirkaut. E, 42k. First time, body worship.

The lack of a silver suppository has set Eggsy upon a certain path. The way that Eggsy looks, dripping wet and half naked, sets Harry on another.

(Or: Total Canon Re-Write, aka The One Where Harry’s Libido Saves His Life)

☂️ sins without tragedies - kingstier. T, 11k. 5 + 1. Fake marriage.

“Harry, are we married?”

“Aren’t we?”

Or, the five times they’re practically married and the one time they’re not (yet).

☂️ 5 Knots Harry made + 1 Knot Eggsy tied - therune. T, 2k. 5 + 1. I love this immensely!

Whenever Eggsy gets dressed in his suit he purposefully skips a button or struggles with his tie so that Harry is forced to step into his personal space and fix it for him.

☂️ Like Real People Do - coloursflyaway. T, 3k. 5 + 1. Undercover, first kiss.

Five times Eggsy called Harry a pet name, and one time Harry called Eggsy one.

  • Bitty: Why is it, when something disastrous and drunk happens, it is always you three?
  • Shitty: [covered in glitter and wearing sunglasses indoors]
  • Holster: [sporting a hickey the size of planet earth on his neck]
  • Lardo: [with a split lip and a shiner]
  • Bitty: Just sit down, I'm making you breakfast.

i just made two d&d characters based on arbitrary decisions and i’m in love with them very suddenly

addaria serpentine is a dragonborn wizard from a noble background who falls in love with morgan cliffrhyme, a human wizard cowgirl from a western desert town

stormscales and the conjurin’ cowgirl chasing down bandits

ransom and holster get married the summer before their senior year
  • they decide not to change their names
    • birkholtz-oluransi is way too long for a jersey
    • so is oluransi-birkholtz obviously
    • also, two players with the same last name on the same line who are both captains? too confusing.
    • ransom has to fill out med school entrance exams and there are never enough boxes that he’d be able to put birkholtz-oluransi
      • sometimes he has to be O L U R A N S, J U S T I N
  • they obviously got married at niagara falls. they send pics to the grouptext and post them all over facebook
    • but
    • they forget to mention the marriage part
    • they’re so excited about all the other stuff they did that they just. forget
    • there are pictures from the actual wedding on the actual boat that goes under the falls
    • but they don’t send any of the ceremony just of them being incredibly happy, which is, honestly, not out of the ordinary
  • they asked the whole team to come up but they never explicitly said Come To Niagara Falls For Our Actual Wedding, just ‘hey you guys should all come up !!’
  • they wear their rings but after holster got a weird bruise on his hand from the ring when his hand got trapped between his body and the boards in their first practice, they wear them on necklaces
  • everyone knew they were gonna live together after graduation
  • the first time the guys realize they’re together, like a couple, never mind married is when they post a pic, kissing, showing off their rings, captioned ‘so grateful we get to be together for the rest of their lives’
    • the team is like CONGRATS BROS!!!! 
      • the guys all think r&h have just gotten engaged
      • but no one says the words ‘engaged’ or ‘married’ or ‘wedding’
      • so ransom and holster are like ‘thanks!!’ and they don’t say ‘it’s our first anniversary’ because they think everyone already knows that
      • bitty is internally like ‘do they know their rings are on the wrong hand!!! do i tell them????!!!!???’
  • eventually the guys are like ‘damn this is a long-ass engagement’
    • whiskey and tango have gotten together gotten married and adopted a child and ransom and holster are still engaged
    • chowder and farmer have three children and farmer got a master’s, a phd, and the first authorship on the discovery of a new kind of whale and ransom and holster are still engaged
    • they must be waiting until ransom’s got a solid position in his hospital and holtz is out of the nhl (it’s gotten better with lgbt athletes, what with jack and kent and a couple others, but it’s still not great, and holster’s good but not a wunderkind like jack or kent, so his being publicly gay might be messy)
  • the guys don’t actually figure out that ransom and holster are married until ten years after the fact
    • r&h invite everybody out to seattle for their tenth anniversary
    • everyone goes even though they’re like ‘uh. anniversaries are usually for weddings not engagements. but whatever these are our bros and we support them’
    • shitty gives them a bunch of tin and tells them to appropriate WASP marriage culture (bc, u know, one is Black, one is Jewish, neither of them are married)
    • lardo’s like ‘also it’s your ninth?? shitty’s getting tenth reunion emails, our tenth reunion and thus your tenth anniversary won’t be until next summer’
    • tango’s just like ‘are you guys ever gonna get married??’
  • ransom and holster are very confused
    • uh guys??? you know we’re married right?
    • i mean we’re not as Married TM as jack and bitty or god forbid chowder and farmer but… we are. definitely married
    • we’ve been married for a decade
    • we call each other our husbands
  • everyone: ‘WHAT THE FUCK WHEN DID YOU GET MARRIED????’
    • ‘i mean…. it’s in the title….. it’s our tenth anniversary…. so……. ten years ago’
  • bitty, shocked and horrified: ‘you didn”T INVITE ME TO YOUR WEDDING????????’
    • rans: ‘bro we did’
    • bitty: ‘you most certainly did not!’
    • holtz: ‘we invited all you guys?’
    • everyone: ‘lies, we never got invited to any wedding’
    • ‘we invited everyone up to niagara over the summer? nobody came which was kind of a bummer honestly’
  • lardo, who has been silently rethinking life: ‘but that means you would have been married our entire senior year’
    • holster: ‘you are not wrong’
    • ransom: ‘why did you think all the married students housing applications kept being delivered to the haus’
    • dex: ‘nursey and i were pretty sure it was because of chowder’
    • chowder: ‘i didn’t get married THAT early’
  • ransom and holster are forced to resort to pulling out their actual legal marriage certificates
    • both of them
    • from two countries
  • shitty needs to sit down and reevaluate his entire life
  • bitty is mortified that he never made them a wedding cake or a marriage pie or anything
  • whiskey walks in late to the discussion because he was changing his and tango’s daughter’s diaper
    • he silently hands over a card. it just says ‘happy ten years. niagara has never seen a stronger love’
    • whiskey has been fully aware that ransom and holster were married. 
    • for a decade.
  • he was actually their legal witness.
    • because he was the only one who shOWED UP THAT WEEKEND
    • he wasn’t even on the team
    • he still doesn’t know how he got added to the grouptext
    • he just showed up because he thought it was some kind of team bonding thing
    • his cousin john said he should go, said it would be ‘narratively entertaining’


tl;dr: ransom and holster got married and managed to accidentally not tell anyone on smh for ten entire years

brought to you in part by @the-strangest-sea

TGC-Spoiler-Free Hartwin Fic Rec

These fics were all written long before Kingsman: The Golden Circle came out.

blame it on the night by @coffeeinallcaps​ - 3.5k, Mature, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

And then finally, to top it all off, he’d had the gall to go and die in Kentucky of all places.

Standing Invitation by @Mazarin221b - 5.5k, Explicit

There are arguments against fraternization between supervisors and subordinates for a reason. Harry knows this. Eggsy wants him to forget.

This is probably the worst situation he could be in, to be honest. Because Eggsy’s big blue eyes (Christ, so beautifully cerulean, like the sea on a summer’s day and Harry wants to drown in them) are starting to be Harry’s biggest weakness, and all he has to do is turn them on and ask Harry for just about anything. Please, Harry, lunch on Sunday? was the first, and now here they are, two months in, and Harry’s starting to wonder if he should, or even could, reestablish some boundaries.

Considerably Less Cannibalism by LizaPod - 6k, Explicit, PWP

It is a real, physical struggle to not stare like a dogger while Harry shrugs off his jacket and undoes his collar, sets his signet ring aside. He has detailed, minutely detailed, fantasies about unbuttoning that fucking collar. At least he’s not wearing the holster right now, or Eggsy’d be sprung already. “It’s time you learned the fine art of the straight razor shave.”

Eggsy gives him his best you havin’ a fucking giggle, mate eyebrows. “Like Sweeney Todd?”

Harry’s sigh is just bordering on melodramatic, but he’s also got that odd— Roxy calls it enigmatic—smile he gets when Eggsy trots out some unexpected bit of culture. “Yes, Eggsy, like Sweeney Todd.”

more under the cut

putting on the ritz by @lazulisong​ - 9k, Mature, Established Relationship

“They think you paid me to be here,” hisses Eggsy.

Harry stares at him. “I made your favorite dinner and I have to let your wretched beast sleep on the bed for a month,” he says flatly.

“No, they think you paid me to be here,” says Eggsy.

“My dear boy,” says Harry, “do you think all these third wives married my classmates out of the purity of their affections?”

You Found Me by missbecky (@missbeckywrites​) - 9.5k, Teen, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It

The thought of everything that waits in their future, all the things they’re going to get to do together, makes Eggsy happier than he’s ever been. Because he’d thought he had lost Harry, but instead he found him, and nothing’s ever going to be the same again.

The World Will Follow After by missbecky - 10.8k, Explicit, 5+1 Things

Life with Harry Hart is full of little surprises. Or, five things Eggsy accidentally learns about Harry, and one thing Harry comes right out and tells him.

under my skin (tried so not to give in) by @venvephe​ - 12.6k, Explicit, Mission Fic, Fake-Out Make-Out

This is a monumentally bad idea, Eggsy realizes, in the fraction of a second between reaching out and tugging at Harry’s tie and seeing his eyes briefly widen before their lips meet.

Or: snogging is a great distraction technique for hiding in plain sight from your enemies. It is decidedly not great for hiding your growing, uh, interest in your secret service colleague.

Married to the Job by @trilliath​ - 18k, Explicit, Misunderstanding

“Hm?” Merlin asks, distracted when he looks up and squints at Eggsy’s face, then catches up and resumes working. “Oh. No. Zania Bonatti, Italian artist and activist. Also Harry’s wife.”

“You wot?” Eggsy blurts, eyes snapping back to him, then over to Roxy like he might’ve mis-heard.

But he hasn’t because Roxy’s face wrinkles minutely in sympathy that has Eggsy’s ears burning and he snaps his eyes away again in humiliation.

“Yes, Harry’s married. Did he never mention that to you?” Merlin pauses long enough to frown briefly, then he shrugs. “Well, on to more important matters…”
————
Or: The one in which Harry is married to his friend (for entirely non-romantic reasons) and nobody explains to Eggsy that very important detail.

The Spy who Loved Me (Or so they say) by @toriceratops​ - 54k, Explicit, Fake Relationship, Mission Fic, Slow Burn

In the wake of V-day the world’s economy hangs in a delicate balance, liable to crumble without warning. One man has the knowledge and the power necessary to send it tumbling down, so that only he remains on top.

The Kingsman have been tasked with stopping him before he can carry out his plan. In order to do so, Harry and Eggsy must act as lovers at an elite couple’s getaway to earn this man’s trust. Will they be able to carry out their mission as planned? Or will old wounds and buried emotions cause a havoc greater than anything they could have expected?

Well here it is!

It didn’t turn out exactly how I hoped it would, but you never know what you’re going to get with these guys lol.

Someone gave Misha a tiny hand finger puppet so he proceeded to photo bomb a lot of people’s photos with it. I think it makes this op hilarious!

Originally I was going for a more “get em cowboy” type of pose and had wanted Jensen to wear the cowboy hat, and Misha would point the gun and wear the holster but Jensen got so excited when he saw the gun. And I had no idea what kind of expressions they were pulling, I was too busy trying to get my arm around Jensen and trying to breathe at the same time!

I love it though! Died laughing when I saw the tiny hand 😂😂😂

What a night!

Out of Sorts

a/n: post Rain King … no cows were hurt in the making of this ficletty nonsense … breakfast, however, was neglected and the animals nearly not fed …

@fictober @today-in-fic

_______________

She should have been tired. She should have been sound asleep in her room, forty feet behind her, number 6 adjacent, but not adjoining, to Mulder’s number 4, hard mattresses creaking under Mulder’s tossing and Scully’s turning.

Instead, she sat in the dark, feet dangling in the semi-cool of the hotel pool, pajama pants rolled to above the knees, chipped toenail polish bright against the solitary underwater light; hands gripping the edge of the concrete, leaning forward, quiet pressing down, mentally out of sorts given that damn conversation she’d had with Sheila Fontaine.

She didn’t even realize she knew what she was talking about until she heard her voice declare, with a tone of grating truth she couldn’t take back, that she was in love with her partner.

What the hell?

And now … the 2am out of sorts was in full swing.

What the hell?!

The padding of bare feet and telltale snuffling of a half-awake Mulder gave her enough warning so his low-register greeting didn’t send her flailing into the water, “hey, y’all’right?”

Deciding looking up at him would tip him off to her quandry, she kept her gaze steady on rippling water, “yeah, just couldn’t sleep.”

Because he was Mulder, instead of inquiring further, delving into her psyche, probing the dark corners of her universe, he settled next to her, plopping his ass down close enough for thighs to touch and dropping his feet in with hers, “are you worried about flying cows as much as I am?”

Shit, maybe she did love him …

And a smile broke free, much to her chagrin because a smile would lead to … yup, right on time … Mulder slid his hand over her knee, squeezing just above it around the thigh muscle, four fingers and a thumb given to him by the gods to drive her crazy in moments of weakness, “but remember, if there are flying cows again, I’ll just have to bunk in with you.” Hand leaving warm joint, momentary sadness ensuing, “we’ll order some pizza, watch some crap TV, I’ll drool on you, you’ll wear my t-shirt, it’ll be a blast.” This time it was the shoulder bump that made her shiver, “although you’ve already taken care of the t-shirt part. You keep stealing stuff from me and I’ll be forced to work naked.”

The shirt in question was a subdued orange one, bearing the image of a crayon wearing a holster, ready for a fight, the word ‘Draw!’ scrawled above. They had a system, an understanding … she stole t-shirts, he stole them back, she stole socks, he stole the afghan when they fell asleep on her couch. “Do you really care that much that I have your shirt,” bold move, “’cause I can give it back if you really want it?”

“That is totally an 80’s movie cliché,” swallowing hard enough for her to see the bobbing Adam’s apple, “yet I am very tempted to demand the t-shirt back, just to see what you’ll do.”

Shoulder bump back, staying pressed against him this time, “so, are you really worried about cows?”

“Was kinda hoping for one but, like lightning, cows don’t normally strike twice.”

One last question before she’d better run for her life, “how did you know I was out here?”

“Because I know you.” Leaning heavily on her arm, “you want to go find some of that pizza and crap TV with me? My mattress isn’t quite as terrible as it could be.”

Did she dare? “where in the world are we going to find pizza delivery at 2am?”

Mulder, glance at his watch telling him it was even later, “2:42am and no idea but we can try.”

And she heard something different … something that wasn’t there before … she felt it in his tone, his timbre and she stood, water running off her legs, puddling instantly around wrinkled feet, out of sorts rearing once again, “um, actually, I should probably get to bed, try to sleep, we’ve got a long drive to the airport.”

The disappointment flitted across his face, head tilt nearly imperceptible, eyebrow scrunch millimeters if at all, “oh, yeah … I forgot about the tornado squashing that little thing we flew in on. What time do we leave then?”

“No later than 7, probably.”

Nodding, he followed her across the cool cement, her pajama-clad figure close but out of reach, then he stopped at his door, waiting until she got to hers, “you know … we’ve run on no sleep before.”

Her grin kept itself aimed at the tarnished brass number 6, hand frozen on old-fashioned knob, brain debating whether to tell her ‘out of sorts’ to fuck off for a bit, “we have, haven’t we?”

anonymous asked:

Hi RC! Kind of a random question - I seem to remember you liking the Kingsman movie and was wondering if there are any Kingsman fics that you would recommend? With the sequel coming out soon I'm finding myself getting sucked back into the story and I tend to really like your fic recs. Thank you in advance! I hope you're having a good week!

Not random at all! The sequel’s right around the corner and, I don’t know about you, but I’m gagging for all the new fic that’s going to come out of it. I’m glad to hear that you enjoy my recs, though. I knew being an utter fic snob would pay off someday! Here are some of my favorites (be warned, all of these are Harry/Eggsy and most of these are not canon compliant post-Kingsman: The Secret Service, explicit, or both).

R.C.’s Kingsman Fic Recs

The Grove by onawingandaswear

He buries Harry on the Kingsman grounds, far enough from the tree line to not be lost in the foliage, but close enough that a sapling won’t be trampled by careless feet or trimmed by an unthinking groundskeeper.

Squeeze by rageprufrock (Rated N for nnnggghh)

From the start, Harry’s read Eggsy all over, seen right through him, so Eggsy’s not surprised that he’s barely had time to think about how he wants to feel ruined that Harry gives it to him — just like that.

A Gentleman’s Guide to Popping One’s Cherry by callay

“There’s such a thing as too much enthusiasm,” Harry says, by way of explanation. 

death went dancing by MyLeatherCouch (stereokem)

He is Galahad until he’s not.

Sanity is Overrated by Ataraxetta (series)

There’s a very long moment of profound silence, and then Eggsy punches Harry right in his smug fucking face.

Pig Latin by aerospaces

In Kenya, Eggsy falls off a flight of stairs. Or: lessons in cohabitation.

Considerably Less Cannibalism by LizaPod

It is a real, physical struggle to not stare like a dogger while Harry shrugs off his jacket and undoes his collar, sets his signet ring aside. He has detailed, minutely detailed, fantasies about unbuttoning that fucking collar. At least he’s not wearing the holster right now, or Eggsy’d be sprung already. “It’s time you learned the fine art of the straight razor shave.”

Eggsy gives him his best you havin’ a fucking giggle, mate eyebrows. “Like Sweeney Todd?”

Harry’s sigh is just bordering on melodramatic, but he’s also got that odd— Roxy calls it enigmatic—smile he gets when Eggsy trots out some unexpected bit of culture. “Yes, Eggsy, like Sweeney Todd.”

By Which To Measure by hitlikehammers

“After everything, everything,” Harry strokes thumbprints up and down Eggsy’s cheeks as he pulls back and stares deep into him, through him right and true. “You still have no sense of your worth, do you?“

Kingmaker by manic_intent

“Eggsy, I really don’t think-“ Merlin began, and stopped, because at that very moment, Eggsy walked right into a lamp post.

Across the street, at a sidewalk corner cafe, reading a paper, sandwich part-eaten on a plate, sleek, long legs crossed neatly under the table, was Harry Hart.

Only As Directed by rageprufrock (Rated NC-36)

“Arthur is a bad man,” Roxy had said.

“Fucking tell me about it,” Eggsy had muttered, and gone to put on the tarty trousers Harry had picked out for him like a fucking high-end pimp.

follow me down by DivineProjectZero

Harry Hart has seventeen years worth of mistakes.

Of all the mistakes he made, this is the one he regrets the most.

Bang to Rights by concernedlily

Constable Unwin never met a tailor before, but he knows this bloke who keeps turning up at his crime scenes ain’t one.

Legends & Legatees by Fahye (series)

"You want to make sure I jump when I’m told?” he demands. “It’d better be you doing the telling, Harry.”

To Impart The Heart Entire by hitlikehammers

‘Course Eggsy fucking looks.

under my skin (tried so not to give in) by venvephe

Snogging is a great distraction technique for hiding in plain sight from your enemies. It is decidedly not great for hiding your growing, uh, interest in your secret service colleague.

bimulder  asked:

18) things you said when you were scared & 99) tell me a secret

season 6; an easy, stupid case 

He’s holding the gun wrong. Arms straight out like divining rods, elbows locked so the veins nurse’s love to poke at go an uncanny blue. Mulder wants to nudge Scully. Say: He’s going to break his arms firing the gun that way, you know. She’s a doctor. She would want to know things like this.

“I’ll kill you both,” he says. Scully is alter-idol still beside him, but he can feel the slight waver of her fear like a change in wind. Here’s another thing he wants to tell her: We believe the same thing this time.

He’s holding the gun wrong, gonna break his arms, but the muzzle is the right direction. Mulder can see it: the kid is maybe twenty-three, wild-eyed, and if (when) he fires, it’s going to kick back so hard he’s going to break his skull on his living room wall. Still. Mulder has never been so certain, so stupidly sure, that he is going to die. The kid is going to break his skull and the bullet that he’s going to fire from that held-wrong gun is going to blast through his stomach and catch Scully in the collar. They’re gonna bleed out slow and angry on this crappy farmhouse floor.

Just a routine background check, sir, he imagines telling Kersh. Did you know that sometimes people who buy mulch are making bombs and their own meth and don’t know how to hold guns? Did you know they’re too stupid not to fire them?

“Mulder,” Scully whispers next to him. The kid is blinking slowly, like trying to re-focus his eye like binoculars. His tent pole arms stay sharply out in front of him.

He wants to say: I know. I know you’re afraid. I wish I wasn’t just wearing the ankle holster so that you could reach my gun. You know how to hold a gun, Scully. You keep your arms bent like you’ve calculated the angle. You don’t miss and you don’t die.

“I swear to God,” the kid says.

Mulder wants to say: Amen.

Scully shifts, just about imperceptibly. She’d been yelling earlier, voice flat and unaffected. The threats they teach you in Quantico, but the kid’s face had remained blank. Now she just says his name.

When she’d been sick, she’d been sharpened down to a quick point. All eye games with death (blink, you motherfucker) and bared teeth. When she’d been dying, she had not been afraid. Now, with a scar under by the skin of her neck, she curls her fingers into the arm of his jacket and mutters his name.

The kid opens his eyes again, and they are wild, still, but clear. He rests his finger on the trigger and squints.

Scully tugs at his jacket again. She mutters something so fast and serious that he thinks is a Hail Mary, but no. “Mulder. Fuck. God, Mulder, I have to tell you something.”  

He wants to say something gallant. Wants to say: I know and fashion himself swashbuckling in his last minutes. He’d always wanted to look like Harrison Ford. But her fingers are digging through his jacket into the skin at his wrist and he doesn’t. He doesn’t know. He wants to say: Tell me a secret, like summer camp, but then the kid takes a swaggering step forward and Scully says something that is most definitely a prayer and Jesus, he’s never heard her voice climb the scale like that before.

Then. The kid learns to bend his arms. His uncanny blue veins disappear as he jerks his arm to his head, holds the gun the right way for this, and god, he’s twenty-two, twenty-three, he is a kid. Mulder reaches for his gun but Scully is faster and she, she knows how to hold it correctly and her arms absorb the shock like she might stand in front of a wave, California baby, and the kid’s arm drops away from his head. 

He feels the fear go out of her like smoke. Puff and you’d blow her out. She looks at him and says, “We’re gonna need paramedics. He should be fine, but.” She’s feeling around for her cell phone. He wonders if her hands remember how hard she’d been holding his coat.

And, when there is nothing to do but sit on the porch steps of the old farmhouse as sirens fade away, there is the knowledge that this is just one of many. Cut it, print it, that’s a wrap. The kid didn’t have a name and if they wake up shaking, well, at least this time everything happened fast. Neither of them bled. The certainty from before drops away like a curtain in the hazy evening light.

He nudges her with his shoulder. “Hey,” he says. The crickets hum. “What was your secret?”

She pauses for a second, squinting into the falling light and the reanimated corpse of a red truck in the unfamiliar yard. Someone will be coming to take their statements shortly. The town was short on local force.  “I didn’t say it was a secret.”

“But you were whispering. That means it was a secret, Scully.”

If they lived out here, he thinks, and it surprises him that that is the whole thought. Before he cuts it off and the crickets hum, he realizes he was finished. If they lived out here. If they. If they lived.

She huffs something like a laugh, says, “Mulder.”

“Yes?” He looks at her for the first time since she’d dug her serious fingers into his arm. She is fading into the light out here, he thinks. Going gold with the sunset and pretending not to feel him look at her. Her mouth twitches. Yes, he thinks, there it is. I am sure, sure, he thinks, but he doesn’t think of what. I am sure. “I’m just waiting for my promised secret.”

She sighs, turns to look at him and squints at the scrape on his cheekbone from the slug the kid had greeted him with at the door. She bites her lip, brings her hand up to his face. Says, “Hold still.”

“I am holding still. I’ve got all the time in the world.”

She breathes in. The EMTs who came for the kid had checked his head already. She opens her mouth and then closes it again. The click of her teeth is sharp, like the snap of a mousetrap. Holding something down and in. Her hand goes still against his temple. He closes his eyes. The crickets hum. If they. If they lived. He thinks that maybe, if it is possible to feel someone smile, then he is feeling hers in her fingertips - warm and familiar with the power of a trigger, soft against his face. She’d had a secret to tell him. They’d been ready to die stupidly on the farmhouse floor. The light is gold out here. 

He wants to say: Yeah, Scully. That was mine, too.