One of my men told me my hat looked stupid.
Usually I’d just shoot the man for insubordination, but this one somehow hurt more. So I had him converted into my own personal servitor, and now he tours with me as a coat rack/beverage holder who wears dumbass sombreros all day. Whose hat is dumb now, Carl?
Marco added some extra marshmallows to the hot drink, free of charge, for his two favorite customers. He was used to people coming back to his cafe for the coffee he makes- people in the East Blue had great alcoholic drinks but anything else was shit, in his honest opinion.
There hasn’t been a single bad day since the grand opening, and that says a lot.
However, these two were different. Special.
Ace and Sabo are their names.
They had wandered into his nice business one late winter day, ordered Hot Chocolate then tried to run out on the bill.
The little shits. He’s Marco the fucking Phoenix. There was no way he would let them take off like that and get away with it.
Throwing down his serving tray, letting the glasses he had on it shatter on the ground (quite a few customers flinch and scrabble out of his way), he grabbed their bill and followed.
He made sure not to activate his Devil Fruit while on the hunt. Pops did send him here to “relax and enjoy life” for a year. The least he could do is not grab the Marine’s attention for a little while.
Which isn’t too hard. Most dwellers of the East Blue don’t keep up with the wanted posters for some reason.
‘Side’s he’s always wanted to own a cafe.
He caught up to them quickly, laughing with another straw hat wearing brat about the “cafe’s owner dumb pineapple face” when they committed their dine and dash.
Marco let them talk for a few minutes, listing to them crack jokes at his expense with a small amused smirk, perched on a branch high above over their heads. No one looks up.
It wasn’t until the youngest pointed him out with a “He looks like a pineapple- like that dumb cafe owner!” did Marco gave them a beat down to remind them what the word “manners” means. Of course, they tried to fight back but it didn’t last very long.
Kids these days don’t even know what Haki is. It’s a shame.
After that, he dragged all three back to his humble little business kicking and screaming. Once there he demanded they pay their bill and the front window they broke during their disappearing act.
Again they refused, claiming they didn’t have any money, so Marco put them to work. All three were horrible with the customers but as a pirate, the blond couldn’t care less.
A few nobles threaten to never come back if the three weren’t fired on the spot and Marco laughed in their faces, pointing to the door. East Blue is a magical place, the trash takes itself out.
Still, he made them understand that he wanted them to come back until the window was replaced by their hard work. The next morning he had to go brat hunting again since they didn’t believe him when he said he would go get them if they didn’t show up at ten.
Hiding in a giant tree house. How convenient that it stood out so much among the trees. Marco wonders how the hell these three haven’t been caught before.
They worked from ten to eight, the youngest eating most of the food instead of handling it to the customer but the other two actually got the trays to tables. He made sure they had breaks, free food and plenty of water.
Once the day was over he counted the money, then handed them any tips they made. They were a little surprised but as Marco sees it, “The food or drinks we sold will pay for the window, the tips are what you earn.”
They stuck around for a full two months even though they managed to pay the window off a few weeks in. Some reason Ace and Sabo really liked his hot chocolate and demanded a job. (Luffy just demanded pastries and drinks. He didn’t want to work. Marco likes the kid)
Marco was fine with the accidentally hiring.
He paid them more than he should have but it’s not like he really wanted the money or needed the money. Pops is the strongest man in the world, he’s got plenty of cash for him to use.
Ace and Sabo tended to crash in his apartment- right above the cafe- when there was a heavy rush and, again, he didn’t mind. They worked hard and were really warm to cuddle with.
The Whitebeard pirate is used to his brothers randomly jumping into his bed because of nightmares or just like sleeping with someone close by. Ace and Sabo weren’t a bother at all.
After a while, Luffy showed up to sleep there too once his brothers’ shifts ended, though he slept in a hammock in the same room as “That’s Ace’s and Sabo’s special seat!”
The blond wonders how hard it would to conceive them to join the Whitebeards by the end of the year. Ace and Sabo are both seventeen making them the perfect age go pirating, though Luffy wouldn’t be able to follow.
Marco pulled some strings to have some retired crewmates come and run the cafe after he’s gone. They would take care of the brat and make sure he had a steady flow of money plus a family while they were away.
He plans on stealing his brothers, after all, least he can do for the kid.
“Marco! Is our hot chocolate almost ready? We open in a half hour!” Ace yells from somewhere in the front making the blond jump. He blinks, realizing he got lost in his thoughts before yelling back.
“Just a minute yoi!”
“We’re paying for it too!” Sabo adds “That makes us paying customers! You can’t make us wait!”
The Phoenix laughs, but he places the two steaming cups on a large plate instead of answering. The blond grabs the liquid chocolate for the final touch, writing on the white clean surface.
Join my family. Be mine.
With a pounding heart, he steps out of the kitchen.
I admit I doubted it was really you doing all those hecka sweet knife moves on screen, but what was I supposed to think, with all this talk of running into fridges and walls on set, and falling off of cars, and dorky denim clothing? i was wrong i’m sorry good job
He also wears that weird cowboy hat everywhere. It’s not as dumb as King George’s cape but it’s still pretty dumb.
I said I’d get some Maria and James Reynolds done, so here it is. You know it’s not going to be happy fun times for these few even in this AU. And there’s only so much I can do to accommodate them into a kids AU while still being relatively similar to the original. Anyway, they have the same surnames, so the closest thing I can go with is siblings. Yeah, James is a going to be a huge butt in this AU.
I’ll go more in depth on the whole relationship thing between Maria and Alex in another post. So just hold your horses, guys!
Edit: As a sidenote, don’t ask me how “Say no to this” would be like in this AU cuz theres no reason he’ll have to go through a situation that would come close to that. =w=
ive been planning it for a while actually but i thought nobody cared much about namjoon which was dumb of me i know but
namjoon would want to be really casual about the whole asking thing. i think he would be one of the first ones to want to move in with his babe first because in my opinion he would probably move things pretty quickly like he wouldn’t want to wait, if you guys were serious he would want you in right away
okay so i talked about everyone’s houses so here’s joonie!!
he would probably crash with some of the other boys to begin with, like rapper line having a bro house together
but when he does get his own house i think he would want something super small just because he doesn’t find the need to waste space or money, but he would want it in the heart of the city so he could be close to everything and everyone
i think he would be heavily into city life, especially city night life so being in the city is big for him
the apartment he actually decorates really well i t’s super modern and chic and what he saves in the actual apartment, he splurges on furniture and decor
lots of leather stuff like those leather couches but he knows where to bargain hunt so aye! lots of modern art hanging on the walls and hoseok always teases him about it because it’s a picture of a can and namjoon gets all shy and defensive and says it’s a beautiful can
he has lots of lighting as in lamps but no overhead lighting so when you go into his house you have to turn on like seventy two lamps to see anything
he says it’s aesthetic
there’s too bedrooms, but the guest one he converted to a library/office so he has his computer but two of the walls are lined with bookshelves and some are in korean and some are in english and he organizes them not alphabetically but by his favorites and that’s the room you usually can find him
never uses the kitchen but somehow or another it has really nice appliances thanks to seokjin trying to share the wealth and help a brother out
he has a really chill aquarium thing though and it’s on the back wall near the kitchen/dining area and it lights up sometimes and has all these bubbles all the time but he only has one fish because he wants to spoil his son and doesn’t want to have to choose favorites im-
anyway when he realizes he wants you to move in he’s torn between making it cute and romantic or being practical and just asking you to bring things over
like he wants to make it memorable but he also knows it’s early in the relationship so he doesn’t want to come on too strong or anything!!
he sits there okay like every night he thinks of ways to ask you to come and move in and he wants it to happen soon because snuggling his pillow is zero fun
one day you come over, and he’s acting really strange like chokes over every single word that he says tbh and he’s tripping over his own two feet and you’re like wtf is kim namjoon
“uh do you want some like food or something?” he asks and before you can answer he runs off to the kitchen and like five seconds you can hear some pans clanging to the floor and you kinda ooh buddy
you hurry in to see if any damage has been done and he’s sitting here in a stupor and it looks like maybe he smashed his fingers or something because he’s holding them with his free hand??
you kneel down and gingerly inspect his fingers and to make him feel better you brush your lips on the lil bruise
“i think i hit my lips too.”
so of course you kiss him and he gets all blushy and smiley
you stand up and climb on the counter to reach the first aid box (that has winnie the pooh stickers on it, why idk) and you pull the band aids out and they’re hello kitty and you kinda !! and namjoon insists that it was all hoseok and seokjin
you roll your eyes and bandage his fingers up and you kinda mumble almost to yourself “maybe i should just live here and become your nurse or something huh?”
and his eyes go wide and this smile breaks out on his lips and his dimples are showing and he starts to nod excitedly
“oh you were thinking that too, i was gonna ask you but i got nervous because i didn’t want to make things awkward but i was thinking that you should move in, i even dedicated part of my closet to you already and i got some better smelling shampoo just for you and-”
you cut him off with a kiss and he laughs through it and it’s so simple and kinda cheesy but that’s how it happens
okay the boys are like we must teach namjoon how to not break shit up if he has someone in the house with him!!
that doesn’t work very well tbh
the other boys are always over at your place though because they’re like well leader… we need some leading rn… and by leading they want to crash on your couch and use your netflix
namjoon doesn’t mind if you don’t mind
mostly cause there’s a couch and the chair and whenever the boys are over you always manage to end up in namjoon’s lap even though jeongguk, yoongi, and hoseok insist there is room on the couch,,,
namjoon just glares at them and then wraps his arms around your waist so that you can’t escape aha
namjoon always falls asleep in his office and you can never wake up he’s snoring too loud so a lot of times you’ll bring your blanket in and pillow and crash at his feet because wow yes gotta be supportive
when he wakes up he always carries you back to your room and he tucks you in and kisses your head
only issue is that he hogs the bed like crazy and you always wake up to him using you as a human mattress
and he drools on you
probably takes all the blankets too actually i know he does
really smart people overthink all the time like their thoughts eat them alive because they analyze every little thing and i think namjoon would be like that so some nights he can’t sleep and you’ll always wake up and talk to him to make sure he doesn’t stress himself completely out
when he is producing music he likes you right there beside him because you are his muse and he always asks you for help with his songs
“babe, what do you think of the chorus? too fast? do the words drag??”
meanwhile you’re drooling over the raspy rapper voice mm you wanna get some of that
he always laughs and gets all blushy
his computer wallpaper is the two of you at the beach and it’s sunny and he’s wearing a dumb hat and you’re sunburnt but that was one of is favorite vacations ever so
namjoon also hogs the shower fun fact he stands in there and contemplates life and by the time you get in there is absolutely no hot water
he likes to rap in the shower and it’s so embarrassing you’ve taken so many videos and sent them to seokjin and yoongi and tbh nams isn’t on to you yet congrats
he’s also one of the people who would be like lmao shower with me if it’s such a problem but at the same exact time loses his shit whenever you come anywhere near the bathroom while he’s in there
he tries to cook for you but soon you two resort to TV dinners which mean seokjin usually comes over and has to make you guys food so you two don’t end up dying or something
i think namjoon wouldn’t be big on tv watching or movie marathons like he would rather sit down and have an intelligent discussion or play scrabble but he’s a dork for computer games and you find him playing all these horror rpgs when you get home early one day
from that moment on you chill in his lap as he plays all those 8 bit nightmares and you two make fun of whoever screams the loudest
your house is always ringing with music whether it be from his computer (like his own work) or whatever artist he’s into at the time one time the neighbours actually complain lmao
he’s low key a slob and you always scold him for leaving his socks everywhere and you always make him pick up after himself but he usually ends up making a pile of dirty laundry and the laying in the middle of it because it’s warm
he doesn’t like to do chores because he says he must do his real duty which is producing music but he definitely helps whenever he can
he doesn’t usually though because last time you tried to get him to clean the bathroom he cracked the god forsaken mirror and now you can hardly see out of it
he also broke the laundry machine one time and you don’t know how that happened but it did and you ended up having to take your stuff to jin’s place for like seven months after that lmao
right waking up with this bean!!
tbh no matter how much you hate the mornings, you always are awoken because A) namjoon is smashing you to death and/or B) namjoon is snoring so loudly you need to get up and find ear muffs
when he realizes that you are awake though he always make sure to smother you in kisses and he will not get off you to save his life and he just stares down at you and tells you your eyes are pretty than every galaxy in the universe or something he’s so greasy in the morning
and then he kisses you and you’re like namjoon plz morning breath but he doesn’t care
proceeds to yank the blankets off of you and race you to the shower
trips and falls and then makes you kiss all his boo boos better
oh by the way he likes when you sleep in his shirts
like really, really likes it
takes seven pictures when he thinks you aren’t looking and has a whole photo album dedicated to you in his clothes lmao
always like to help you pick out your outfits and always subtly has you in something of his whether it be a jacket or cardigan or something as simple as a ring or bracelet he likes to show everyone that you’re his in a really subtle way
you guys end up getting a dog too for when namjoon is away and he names him joonie junior and he loves you more than namjoon and namjoon always cries at this lmao
calls the dog your baby btw
you guys would love to explore the city at night together like hit up antique stores together and he always holds your hand and you match all subtle and you always find stuff for the house like a old tea kettle or maybe another painting or some abstract plant thing
also always going out to eat in the little holes in the wall around the city and the leftovers are always in your fridge
imagine winter though and you get home and there’s namjoon, under every single blanket you guys own, swaddled up waiting for you to snuggle with you
i think namjoon would be into leaving little things around the house for you when he’s out like little love notes on the fridge and sticky notes on the bathroom mirror and little treats for you i the fridge
he also always gets flowers sent to the house when he’s away on tour and you have a garden up in there and he’s really into flower meanings so red roses and red tulips and also some sunflowers occasionally and stuff like that
he’s always doing really little stuff for you like that and it’s so super cute!!
he likes to have your pics up everywhere though he’s really into a picture is worth a thousand words so all your moments are up around the house in cheesy frames and all and he loves them so much!!
he would be such a cutie to live with, please protect him so that he doesn’t trip and fall up the steps and bust his knee open or something
It’s only Tuesday and it’s already been a hell of a week. My chef/manager that drives me crazy but to whom I’m crazy loyal has been bullied by management into “deciding” to step down to plain old cook, and in his place is a new manager who is upsetting my “do not disturb” sign, making me wear a dumb hat, and completely re-arranging my work space. I suspect my headphones at work will no longer be allowed as well, and they were my comfort blanket when everyone behind me started yelling and causing drama. On top of that, I finally had enough today and reported one of the cooks for sexual harassment, something I had been dealing with since I started working there in October, and tried to solve with him myself, then brought it to the owner, and nothing has been done because everyone sees this guy as a lovable joker instead of the insidious drunk that he is. And I’m extremely frustrated about art stuff, but whining about that here will sound passive aggressive. It’s all a big fist in my throat and with no one in my life to talk to, it’s hard to process.
Cutthroat Kitchen helps. Watching cooks suffer more than myself is really comforting. Thank you, Alton.
You're impatient and u like the double jump
You're probably American and you like excuses to yell at ya team
You're good and you like to help and also good job.
You think blowing shit up is fun and you're probably tactical
Fuck you and your fucking pocket-medic suck my fucking ass
I'm gonna level with you. Anyone who mains Engie is probably just tired or lazy. When there's one its no big deal. When there's 2+ you're basically asking me to track your IP and punch you in the throat.
You like helping people!! And I like and appreciate you!! But if you only heal people with cool hats fuck you. Not everyone wants to wear dumb hats, fucking, IOnlyHealPeopleWithHats22. Fuck you. And fuck your pocket-healing too. I changed teams just so I could murder you how the fuck are you going to live with yourself. Asshole. Fuck you.
Sniping is fun and you like That One Level the best because there's the perfect view. Or you think Sniper is really hot.
Stop sapping my sentries I'm just trying to make friends why are you like this. I thought you were a friendly Spy. We waved and taunted. We had fun. You broke my heart.
I'm writing my first fanfic, and I want it to be something I don't regret writing. Do you have any tips for aspiring writers?
Gonna save this one for the morning so it doesn’t get buried under all these silly posts about fighting me.
Tip #1 - Never regret writing anything.
Unless it’s like, neo-nazi propaganda or a series of death threats to a stranger, then you never have any reason to regret anything you write.
Everything you write says something about you, gets some strange, unique, personal thing that used to exist solely inside your head out into the world, and makes the world just a little bit richer for it.
And writing is just like anything–the only way to get good at it is to do it a whole lot. Every artist has a thousand bad drawings in them that they need to get out. Every writer has a thousand bad stories. So never regret writing, because everything you write is a step forward towards honing your craft.
Tip #2 - There is no such thing as a dumb idea, just an idea you can’t sell well enough. There are no rules in writing, and there are (somehow, against all logic) EVEN FEWER RULES in fanfiction.
You want to take the characters and reverse their ages and personalities, make them have babies with each other, send them back in time or into space? Do it!
“But wait,” you ask, “if there are no dumb ideas in fanfiction, how come sometimes I’ll say to myself ‘man this fic I’m reading is really dumb’?”
Well, usually the problem lies in execution. Let’s say for example that you’ve decided to write for an AU where…oh, I don’t know, all the characters in Gravity Falls are suddenly turned into giant spiders wearing top hats.
Now that idea may seem ridiculous on the face of it. But the difference between someone saying “someone made a dumb fanfic about spiders wearing top hats” and “oh my god I can’t believe I am actually sobbing my eyes out over a fanfic about spiders in top hats” will lie in what you do with the ridiculous idea. How much you think through the implications.
Ask yourself how being turned into giant spiders will affect the characters. Will they have to catch live prey? If so, how will more sensitive characters like Mabel react to that? Will the twins be able to return home after the summer, and how will they explain this to their parents? How will the characters who are more comfortable with weirdness react differently than characters less comfortable with the supernatural? If one of the characters is unable to cope and breaks down, who will come to their aid to comfort them? Or will they be forced to deal with their sorrows alone?
Tip #3 - Think through all the possible paths that your story might take. Write them down if it helps. Don’t be afraid to explore a lot of different twists turns the story might take in the brainstorming process. Most of these twist probably won’t make it into the finished story, but they’ll help you figure out what you DO want in the finished story.
When the TV show Breaking Bad came to a close, fans of the show and critics alike applauded the finale as being a very satisfying conclusion to the series. When the writers were asked how they came up with such a perfect ending when so many other well-written shows ended disappointingly, they said that they’d actually written dozens of endings. They’d played through every possibility that they could think of, every combination of characters dying and surviving, every path they thought it could take.
Think through all the possible turns your story can take, then pick the best path among them.
Tip #4 - Take long walks. Seriously this should be on every list of writing advice. Take long walks. Don’t listen to music (unless you’re someone who really can’t think without music.) Just let your mind wander. Think about your story. Let you mind lead you down whatever paths it takes. Play out conversations in your mind. When I’m stuck on ideas, going for a long walk almost always helps.
Tip #5 - Get feedback. Pretty straightforward and basic. Show your work to someone else and get feedback on it. Sometimes this will reveal things that you didn’t know were there, both positive and negative.
Tip #6 - Try to at least have a solid outline and SOME idea of the ending before you post online. The leading cause of story death is posting before you have any idea how it’s going to end. You know those awesome, funny, feelsy stories that just slowly trail off and then one day just…stop? Quite often, that happens because the writer started posting during the initial “exciting” phase, then just ran out of steam and out of ideas.
You don’t need to have every little thing planned out before posting, but I find it makes it much easier both to get a fic finished AND to give a story a consistent, (reasonably)-plothole-free story arc if I know how the story is going to end, and what the major events that are going to get me to that ending are.
Besides, quite often in the process of plotting out a story you’ll realize that you needed to put a Chekov’s gun in the first chapter, or otherwise change something from the beginning around.
Tip #7 - Read a lot of different stuff. This is on every list of writing advice, and for good reason. Consuming other peoples’ work will fuel your own. Read a lot of stuff, watch TV and movies and analyze the writing there. Your own style of writing will come out of what you take in.