What Have You Come As?
A/N: I started this a couple of weeks ago, and inspired by lametwentysomething’s great Halloween fic, decided to give it a slap-dash finish before Halloween was over. (I truly haven’t looked over this for errors, so let me know if something’s really wonky.)
This is FULL of British in-jokes, so if you don’t get a couple of the costumes, don’t fret. I expect, like five people to really like it. But you don’t have to get the costumes to enjoy the gang just being the gang.
(Also, Chapter 7 of Under the Tunisian Moon is ready for posting. Probably later tonight or tomorrow morning.)
I’ll tag some people, since when I don’t, people ask me to. Though, I don’t know if this one is worth it.
boysweatandckone theblanknotebook someday-youwillfindme tinakegg luvs-jade broughttoyoubythelettera chrryblsms kneekeyta thisissomefreshbullshit old-lady-at-heart areyousad8118 nipasir ducky17 milymargot teastaindiary robichaux-prefect sharoonroney sarahlouise88ni slothpaws greenangelheart celestev31 fantasticab scumothaearff bitcheslovebeck magicalgrandma kerrvorting-and-snorting ililypop gemmarstyles ilovefinnnelson sammylbc ch1darkcy anca82 idontcareifyoudontbelieveme murderyoursoul carpe-libris icshly adaftmyriad losingpudge heartnotbrain jackiewalsh2013 dairingoriginal lametwentysomething sunflowerdope omgbananasnailus perfecters how-ardently itsmirallegro i-love-mmfd abullofshit shadan-stone-roses 14000romances darlingdiver hohumi chicadificil raernundo gushington-central justagirlnamedkayla sassy-curmudgeon katywright340 i-dream-of-emus bitchy-broken mallyallyandra pigeonfarmrace rinncincin mellamoaiko anglophileyoungblood jessicacandesign fuckintentshop finnleysraemundo kristicallahan llexis musicfreak1 girlwithafoxhat mmfdfanfic
Okay, so here’s this weird thing …
* * * * *
“It’s all kickin’ off this Saturday!” Chop announced as he flopped into the seat next to Izzy at the pub.
“So you’ve been tellin’ us for the past two weeks, Chop,” Archie grinned as he raised his eyebrows at Rae across the table before taking a drink of his pint.
“Now, no one’s tellin’ anyone else what they’re wearin’, right?”
The gang nodded solemnly.
“No helpin’ each other out wi’ costumes, yeah? It’s meant to be a surprise All Hallow’s Eve Bonfire Night Celebration Extravaganza.”
“Have you registered that name with the Patents and Trademarks Office, Chop?” Rae quipped and Finn snickered into his Foster’s.
Chop huffed and pouted. “You lot are laughin’ now, but come Saturday, you’ll be clappin’ me on the back and tellin’ me it’s a job well-done. You can patent and trademark THAT, Raemundo.”
Rae nodded, trying to keep a serious look on her face. “I don’t doubt it!” She chanced a glance over at Finn, but his whole body was turned away, shaking with silent laughter, so she bit her lip and looked back at Chop, eyes wide, trying not to giggle herself. “It’s a rare occurrence that Saturday falls almost exactly between Halloween and Bonfire Night; we totally should celebrate.”
Finn nearly doubled over at this statement, and choked out an apology, saying he had to go to the loo.
Chop grumbled, “I’m gettin’ a drink, ‘scuse me,” and, uncharacteristically, didn’t ask if anyone wanted anything before stomping off to the bar.
“You shouldn’t tease ‘im, Rae,” Izzy said, eyebrows drawn in concern. “He’s been workin’ on this party for ages. I know the rest of us don’t do much for Halloween, bu’ it’s his favorite holiday. He may not look it, but he’s sensitive about stuff like this.”
Rae nodded. “I know, I know. It’s actually really sweet of him, but he’s jus’ so much fun to wind up!”
Finn came back from the bog, wiping one of his eyes with the back of his hand.
Rae patted his knee as he sat down. “We’re not makin’ fun of this party anymore, okay?”
“Sure thing,” he said, clearing his throat and throwing a dirty look Rae’s direction.
When Chop rejoined them, everyone was silent and smiling like little angels. Chop gave a suspicious look and then necked half of his pint.
* * * * *
Rae looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t sure anyone was even going to get who she was supposed to be, but there weren’t any costumes in the shops that fit her, and they were all ‘Sexy’ something. Even though Finn probably wouldn’t object to her showing a bit of cleavage or wearing something that fit her form, she couldn’t face the raised eyebrows and snickering behind hands. So, she adjusted the crushed velvet top hat and the goggles strapped atop them, touched the fake nose ring that was slightly freaking her out, and headed downstairs.
Her mum was in the lounge, breastfeeding Jasmine, and Rae instinctively snapped her head away. “Mum! Finn’ll be over any minute to pick me up!”
“So? It’s my house, Rachel Earl. I can do whatever I like under my roof. If he’s so delicate, he can stay outside. I’m sure you’re going to be off like a shot as soon as he rings the doorbell, anyway.”
Rae huffed and went to the kitchen get the bottle of vodka she was charged with bringing to the party.
The doorbell dutifully dinged at that precise moment and Rae rushed around the corner to answer the door and sweep Finn over to Chop’s.
She opened the door to find him wearing pretty much his usual gear, plaid shirt and baggy pants, but he’d buttoned the shirt up and had his sunglasses on, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips, fringe combed forward.
“Oh, you lazy sod. Is it Liam or Noel you’re supposed to be?”
He shrugged. “Either. Probably Noel.”
“Don’t let them hear you think they’re interchangeable.” She shoved him the shoulder, grinning. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”
“You’re not gonna invite me in?” Finn asked.
“Jasmine’s having her supper. You don’t wanna be invited in.”
A look of confusion quickly transformed into understanding, and Finn nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”
As they walked along, Finn kept glancing over at Rae. He was trying to work out who she was. “I know I should know it,” he muttered. His eyes traveled up from the boots on her feet, to her standard issue leggings, but instead of a skirt, she was wearing some novelty boxers she’s found a the pound shop, with peace signs and smiley faces on them. Only a bit of the pattern was visible, because she was wearing a long sort of duster/trench thing. Her black top was cut lower than her typical band t-shirt, but her cleavage was covered in a bunch of necklaces, of all lengths. Her hair was wild and she wore red lipstick and just a little too much eyeliner.
Rae let him take her in, and then nodded. “Yeah, you probably should.” She’d paused to let him look his fill, but now she was on the move again, with Finn trotting to catch up. “You’ll work it out eventually,” she said. “Not sure anyone else will, though.”
When they got to Chop’s house and rang the bell, they waited for a while and, finally, Archie answered the door. He was wearing gray trousers, a white shirt and blue sweater, and one of his collection of Harrington jackets, khaki, with a red badge on it: Denton High School. He adjusted his glasses and waved Rae and Finn inside.
“Hi, Brad,” Rae flatly intoned. “Did NO ONE make an effort for this event?” she griped.
As if on cue, Izzy skipped out of the kitchen, her red hair braided into two plaits which had been braided around some sort of wire, the pigtails stood away from her head, swooping upwards. She had on a dirndl, which was pulled a little low around the bust, and the sleeves of the white peasant shirt underneath fell off her shoulders. Thigh high striped socks with platform sandals finished off the look. Rae hid a smile.
“I’m Sexy Pippi Longstocking!” she giggled.
“Oi! You’re s’posed to let ‘em guess, Iz!” Chop’s voice bellowed from the top of the stairs.
“I love it, Izzy,” Rae said, grinning.
“Thanks, Rae!” She leaned over to whisper to Rae and Finn. “Chop’s worked really hard on his costume, so … just be nice, okay?”
The couple exchanged a glance, shrugged and nodded. Archie shook his head. “I haven’t seen ‘im yet, either.” There was a long pause … it was early and Chloe wasn’t there yet, let along the throngs Chop had no doubt invited, as well.
“Alrigh’, Rae,” Archie sighed. “I’m only doin’ this for you.” He unzipped his trousers and pulled them down to reveal a pair of baggy white y-fronts.
“Oi, mate, what the fuck?” Finn shouted as his friend stepped out completely out of his trousers.
“That’s more like it, Arch!” Rae clapped.
Archie left the rest of his kit on, and pulled on the elastic of his pants. “Got a better fitting pair on underneath, so little Archie doesn’t go wanderin’.” Rae laughed, tossing her head back. Her hat started to tip off the back of her head, so she had to right it.
“Never seen Rocky Horror?” Archie asked Finn.
“No,” Finn smirked.
“It’s pretty good,” Rae chuckled.
Another ding of the doorbell announced Chloe. Rae looked at the clock. 7:15 for 7:00. Typical.
When Rae opened the door, Chloe didn’t come in straight away, but stood there with jazz hands, showing off her costume. It was a white satin mini-dress with a sparkly blue lamé flounce hem sewn on. There was a similar shape happening up top, almost a pointy jester’s collar, and the letters B O U N T Y in painter’s tape down the side.
“Well? Whaddya think?” Chloe asked.
“Ummm …” Rae didn’t know what to say. “C’mon in,” she beckoned. “We’ll all have a think.”
Chloe sighed and trudged in to the kitchen, where she put on her smile and jazz hands again. Finn, Izzy and Archie all joined Rae in furrowing their brows. Finally, Chloe sighed and put her hands on her hips. “I’m a Sexy Celebration!”
“Ohhhhh!” everyone said together.
“But Bounty is the worst one,” Izzy said, making a face.
“I know,” Chloe said. “But it went best with my coloring, so …”
Rae rolled her eyes. She had to admit it was an inspired costume. “That’s really good, though, Chlo.”
Chloe curtsied. “Thank you, m’dear.”
No one had tried to guess Rae’s costume yet. It was like they knew she was out of her comfort zone and didn’t want to say the wrong thing. She was about to tell them when they heard some clomping on the stairs.
Izzy bit her lip and squinted. Rae noticed and wondered if it could really be that bad.
The clomping got louder and then there he was, in the doorway, an imposing figure in heavy black boots and a gray suit. He had green face paint, and crude bolts sticking off the sides of his polo neck top. He wore large tinted spectacles and a handkerchief stuck out of his breast pocket.
Then, he shouted, in a Cockney accent, “PAT. PAAAAT. Don’t go, Pat!”
No one said anything.
Then he squared his shoulders and said, “Whad’ya fink I am, some kinda pilchard???”
Rae groaned. Was he?
“I’m Frank Butcher-stein!”
Finn slapped his forehead. “Bloody hell, mate.”
Izzy’s smile was somewhere between a grin and a wince.
“That is puntastic, my friend.” Rae held her hand up to high five Chop.
“Alrigh’, someone appreciates me, Iz!”
“I appreciate you!” she piped up, giving him a swift punch in the bicep.
Chop took off his glasses to look at everyone. “Nice effort, everyone. ‘Cept you, Finn, you lazy arse.”
“Sorry, bloody hell,” Finn muttered.
He squinted at Rae. “Mad Hatter?” he asked.
Rae shook her head. “Nope!”
“Can ya give me a hint?” he asked.
Rae looked at her boots, pretending to be shy for a moment. Then she lifted her head and belted, “I said HEY-YAY-YAY-YAY-AY WHAT’S GOIN’ ON!”
Finn bounced on the balls of his feet. “Oh! Um! What’s ‘er name! From 4 Non-Blondes!”
“Linda Perry!” Archie supplied.
“Nice one, Raemundo!” He came over to put his arm around her shoulder.
“Okay, I think we all deserve a ruddy shot, yeah, my darlin’s?” The Cockney was back.
“It’s only one night,” Finn murmured in Rae’s ear.
“And he IS kinda funny,” she agreed.
They opened the bottle of vodka Rae brought and toasted to pumpkins and Guy Fawkes.
As soon as the first round of shots was downed, Chop said, “Let’s empty this bottle quick, so we have one for later …” He waggled his eyebrows devilishly, smudging his face paint against his glasses.
Everyone groaned, but held their glasses out for a second round.
“Best All Hallow’s Eve Bonfire Night Celebration Extravaganza … EVER!” Rae shouted and Chop nodded his head emphatically. “Damn STRAIGHT.”