wear a hat always

*Felix, steaming PUBG*

*reads the chat*

Felix: Jack is gay, two dollars.
Felix: I agree.

*concentrates on the game*

Felix: We were hanging out with Jack yesterday and he gets recognized all the fucking time because of his stupid green hair.

*a short pause*

Felix: I hope you’re listening Jack, I hope you are.

Felix: Wear a hat next time.

*continues playing*

Felix: He’s so nice.

Felix: Always approaching everyone “Top of the morning to ya, you want a picture? Let me take a picture with you, I would love- it would be my honor..”

Felix: and I’m like “i’m just gonna go here right now…..”


Luffy & Labrador

Robin & Whippet

(From @blenheims ’s lovely dog headcanons)

how i picture the signs
  • aries: tall/slender build, maybe wearing glasses, hands that you can't help but want to hold, friendly looking, someone you see and immediately want to get to know
  • taurus: eyes you can barely see because they're always smiling, energetic glow, probably wearing a hat, messy hair, good at dressing themselves, likes wearing jewelry
  • gemini: icy gazes but kind smiles, "resting bitch face," nice eyebrows, somebody you always want to compliment, beautiful facial structure
  • cancer: a soft face, eyes that make you melt, cheeks you want to squish, reserved and shy smiles, the perfect size to hold close, cutest noses
  • leo: big and dark eyes, hair you want to run your hands through, kissable lips, brightest smiles, look like they were made to shine in the sun, great to wrap your arms around
  • virgo: fairly short, probably freckled, always serving looks, smug smirks, polite and proper, their laughs almost always make everyone else laugh as well
  • libra: sensual gazes, firm jaws, great sense of style, flirty grins, pointed noses, soft floppy hair, lean arms, actual greek gods/goddesses
  • scorpio: typically darker vibes, dyed hair, soft but focused eyes, lush hair and lips, always have some sort of token accessory, trendy dressers
  • sagittarius: tired eyes, pissed off expressions, long hair, nose/lip piercings, sharp winged liner, wearing something dark, warm smiles, probably sipping coffee
  • capricorn: brown/orangey aura, if the autumn season was a person, cozy presences, soft dark hair, seemingly snobby posture (arms crossed, lips pursed, brows furrowed), spacey gazes
  • aquarius: quirky and lively, medium length hair, goth bitch looks, anxious expressions, bold and "different" makeup, weird but cute sense of style
  • pisces: either really tall or really short, always seem irritated, wearing a hoodie or beanie, small but nice smiles, kinda emo, messy brows, look like puppies

A bit late now but here’s something for the Mystery Twins’ birthday! It also happens to coincide with my country’s Independence Day hahahaha

This is Stan’s newest sweater:

Maybe it’s the first time the Pines family is reunited back at the Shack since that summer (dodgy video calls on an adventure ship can only do so much).

the signs as fairies

Aries: adorns herself in red silk with shimmering wings the color of fire. can be found in environments with fire or heat, like volcanoes. is immune to the heat. can manipulate and create fire and spends her days playing with phoenixes and friends she creates out of burning embers. usually has swirling gold tattoos.

Taurus: a gentle fairy who can be found in forests. she spends her time playing with forest animals and making flower chains. she wears clothes made out of pieces of cloth she finds and always has some type of flower in her hair. her wings are soft as a feather, translucent and give off a golden glow. she can talk to animals, and she attracts them wherever she goes.

Gemini: the ultimate trickster. very petite, with razor sharp blue wings. she almost always wears a hat that covers her dark tresses. she wears a short dress with high boots. she is never without her staff. covered in her trinkets, her staff is her main tool to help her practice voodoo. other fairies come to her for potions and spells, but beware, she will turn on you if it benefits her.

Cancer: can most often be found in water. everything about her is silvery blue, from her skin to her hair to her eyes. she looks like she is made of moonlight. she only comes out at night, to sing songs to the moon. her wings are made of millions of tiny water droplets, but she rarely shows them. she can craft moonlight into beautiful pieces of art.

Leo: if you ever manage to get a glimpse of this fairy, the first thing you’ll notice about her is her hair. her thick red curls spiral out everywhere. considering wings are sacred to this type of fairy, it’s no surprise that hers are extravagant. like the wings of a monarch butterfly, her wings are especially strong, even though they look especially fragile. her clothes are made out of autumn leaves she finds in the woods where she lives. she usually has leaves decorating her hair. her favorite pastime is playing with the butterflies she shares her home with.

Virgo: like Leo, this fairy has wings like a butterfly, but hers are shades of deep blue and rich green. she looks delicate, but will defend her home fiercely. she wears clothes she creates from natural materials, and will typically have flowers in her hair. she spends her days protecting her home from humans and predators alike.

Libra: this dainty fairy spends her time high in the clouds. wears clothes made of pure white feathers and clouds. though she doesn’t have wings, she has a naturally ability to control air, and uses that to her advantage. she is an amazing dancer and spends her time dancing in the clouds to beautiful music only she can hear. 

Scorpio: the rumors surrounding this fairy are plenty. with her swirling black tattoos, dark hair, and leathery, deep purple and blue wings, she intimidates most who venture into her home, which is how she likes it. skilled in the most ancient magic, she spends her days making potions for those willing to pay the price. 

Sagittarius: perhaps the most daring fairy, her favorite pastime is to give humans glimpses of her, but she never shows her face. she only comes out when the leaves are changing colors. she wears a dress spun from pure gold, with a beautiful crown made out of golden feathers. her wings look like feathers but are actually very sharp, and are also gold. her favorite trick is, once you get a glimpse of her, she hides herself among the leaves until you go mad looking for her.

Capricorn: no human has ever gotten a look at this fairy, who is always found in cold environments. cold as ice, she’s as small as the snowflakes she crafts. her crystallized wings are more beautiful than any snowflake, and she wears a dress and jewelry crafted out of pure ice. her silver hair matches the color of her eyes. 

Aquarius: one of the rarest fairies, every part of her is silver, except her fragile, translucent wings. she only comes out during a full moon and is found in quiet, moonlit forests. she wears a dress made out of silvery moonlight. her favorite accessory is a crown made out of moonflowers. 

Pisces: this fairy frequents vast meadows, looking for a flower to make her home in. she makes her beautiful dresses out of stray flower petals she finds. her huge, butterfly-like wings are as big as she is. her most prized possession is her wooden flute, which she can use to call animals to her.

based off of this post

Types of gfs:

Goth gf: wispy bangs, leather jackets, fishnets with rips, doc martens, rings on every finger, old books, black nail polish, holding your hand while walking you through antique stores, manic panic dye

Art gf: oversized pastel sweaters, high waisted skirts, jeans with paint splatters and tears, coffee shop vibes, late night trips for coffee and paint brushes, pixie cuts

Skater gf: beat up vans, cuffed black jeans, bruised knees and skinned elbows, forehead kisses, baggy t-shirts, always wearing dad hats, stopping the car at any spot that looks good to skate

Athlete gf: grass stains, nike sports bras, the taste of sweat on her neck, strong thighs, pony tails, softie for seeing her gf cheering in the stands, always drinking water, baggy sweat pants

Punk gf: lapel pins on everything, badly sewing patches on leather jackets, skinny jeans, combat boots, sharing strawberry milkshakes, bass guitar, always has headphones in, different brightly colored hair every week

Witch gf: crystals, always ready to read your tarot cards, staring at the moon, deer antlers and coyote jaws, pine scented candles, succulents and ivy everywhere, silver hair, high waisted shorts

Gamer gf: big graphic tees, knotted hair, constant eye bags, sloppy kisses, midnight snack trips for gas station slushees, video games until you fall asleep on her lap,

post breakup AUs

because i haven’t seen enough of these around and i am so here for angst:

  • “today was the first family gathering i’ve been to since we broke up and my little cousin that absolutely adored you asked where you were and i had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the tub for a half an hour and look through a folder on my phone of pictures i took of you to feel okay again¨ AU
  • ¨i still have your phone number memorized even though i haven’t called you since we split and somehow i remembered it even though i’ve had like six shots of bourbon and hey, i know you’re pissed that you’re here at this dingy club at 3 in the morning to pick my drunk ass up, but you have to admit that’s pretty impressive¨ AU
  • “i’m pretty sure if taylor swift and i were in a competition of who could write the most breakup songs in one night, i’d win by a landslide because i still set two plates out for dinner even though i eat alone and it’s almost pathetic because we’ve been broken up for ages but i’m still not over you” AU
  • “so i know we haven’t talked in like, two years, and that things ended pretty badly between us but what the fuck do you mean you’re engaged to be married¨ AU
  • “yes, i know this is your sweatshirt and that we broke up five months ago but it’s really comfy okay. i totally don’t wear it because like it still smells like you or is the only thing that even remotely feels like home since i moved out. pfft. absolutely not.” AU
  • “look, i know we agreed to be friends and everything but that’s what everyone says when they break up. i can’t take you asking me for advice on how to ask out the new person you’re interested in, okay? it’s killing me” AU
  • “oh hi, totally didn’t expect to see you here at this one hole in the wall coffee shop literally no one in the entire world besides you knows about. what a coincidence.” AU
  • “it´s my [insert family relation here]´s wedding and seeing all these happy couples is killing me and all i can think about is how this was almost us” AU (bonus: “i know that it’s two in the morning and i’m dressed really formally and a little (a lot) bit drunk but i couldn’t stop thinking about you after my grandma asked how you were doing also can i come in it’s freezing out here”)
  • “i still have your sister’s scarf and i know it’s stupid but i’ve been hoping maybe one day you’ll come by and pick it up so we’ll be forced to talk again because i haven’t seen you in months and i’m maybe kinda sorta still in love with you” AU
  • “i know we were never officially together or anything but seeing that picture you posted on [insert social media] with him/her literally felt like you carved my heart out of my chest and stomped on it and i’m not really sure why i’m leaving this voicemail but my pillow still smells like you and i miss your stupid face” AU
  • “we have a lot of mutual friends so we see each other more than two broken up people usually do and i know we’re not really close anymore but you’re wearing that stupid (adorable) hat you always wore when you were upset so tell me what’s wrong because it’s literally killing me to see you look so sad” AU
  • “so like, i know we broke up and stuff but funny story, i haven’t told my family yet and they just assumed you’d be coming with me for [insert family celebration] and i really don’t know how to tell them and i know this is really selfish but i can’t break my great grandma’s heart like that, she’ll probably have a heart attack and– wait what? you’d do that for me? holy shit, i love you… wait–” AU
  • “i found your box of letters underneath my bed last night and because i’m a nosy motherfucker i decided to read them and it turns out they were all addressed to me and the last one was dated the day you moved out and i’m not quite sure why i thought this would be a good idea but here i am, standing on your doorstep, wondering why the fuck we’re not together anymore” AU
  • “well this is really awkward considering the last time we saw each other, i was screaming at you to never talk to me again, but like, my dog recognized you all the way across the park and literally dragged me over here because she misses you so hi” AU
My Classical Mythology Professor

“Hephaestus is really great. I mean, he only ever really does that one little thing of molesting his newly born sister, but other than that he’s cool.”

“Apollo’s just a sociopath, and a loser version of Zeus, really.”

“So either Helen falls in love with Paris, which she doesn’t want to do, or Aphrodite ships her off to Egypt to get a master’s degree in pharmacology.”

“Whenever Achilles had a problem, he’d just run home crying to his mom. His mom always had the same advice: stop fighting, eat, have sex with a woman. He only ever did the first thing, which is probably why he got killed.”

“Basically, Apollo got mad at a bunch of people for not having sex with him and they ended up worse off - mostly turned into plants, for some reason.”

“Cassandra turned Apollo down since she held a vow of chastity, but of course Apollo took it personally and cursed her.”

“You can always pick out Odysseus in pictures ‘cause he’s always wearing a stupid little hat.”

“The gods tend to have these conflicting powers or personality types. Ares, super feared by mortals and always bloody and angry, is basically the fool of the gods. Zeus, almighty king of the gods, is completely helpless when it comes to his libido.”

“So Brad Pitt spends nine years in the harem - you’ve all seen 300 right? I always picture Achilles as Brad Pitt now. Anyway, Brad Pitt’s in the harem, bored out of his mind for 9 years cause he’s already been trained for hero stuff at Chiron’s hero academy…”

“So Orlando Bloom is just moping in his room while the Greeks are camping outside of Troy, and Hector finds him and is like, ‘Come on, Paris, this whole war is because of you!’”

“Have you all seen the Disney version of Hercules, where Hades is super evil and angry? Yeah, that’s not really right. Hades was more like the weird, basically harmless brother of Poseidon and Zeus.”

“I love this vase of the Underworld, it really shows the relationship between Hades and Persephone. I mean, Persephone’s standing there like ‘Whip that guy more! Punish him less! Stop slacking!” and Hades’ is just lounging on the chair like, “Darling, how about a roast for dinner?”

“The thing is, Oedipus tried really hard not to kill his father and marry his mother!”


“I make offers for things I want until I get them. And then I get them”

hockey & spice

a masterpost of all the lovely ginger nhl’ers (for aesthetics reference)

Frederik Andersen

Originally posted by wonthetrade

Jordie Benn

Originally posted by sticksndicks

Connor Brown

Sean Couturier (bonus - with teeth!)

Originally posted by bennyandthestars

Scott Darling

Originally posted by byallbeans

Devan Dubnyk

Cody Eakin

Claude Giroux

Originally posted by tchallacap

Scott Hartnell (edit; I swear I didn’t forget him!! somehow he got clobbered from the post tho)

Elias Lindholm

Originally posted by crosbye

Paul Martin (yes, I picked an older one without that horrible beard he’s been growing since he went to the sharks, so sue me ugh!)

Brock McGinn (with bonus hair flip. That flo tho!)

Originally posted by nhanifin

Matt Murray

Originally posted by ilovetextingandscones

Marc Staal

Jakub Voracek

Originally posted by ivanprovolone

Scott Wilson

Originally posted by brendendillon


Maple Leafs Practice: Auston Matthews - February 16, 2018

bts main tracks as girlfriends

i need u - she’s arcades, party balloons, and everything you dreamed of. reminds you of flashing lights and loud noise. draws her finger across your arm when she’s tired. doe-eyed and full lips. her eyes shimmer in the dark, and she’s absolutely dreamy. nudges your neck with her nose before she sleeps because she knows you’re ticklish. plays with your fingers and always kisses them right before you pull away. her eyes could speak thousands of sweet words as they look into yours and it never fails to make your knees fall weak. rubs your temple with her thumb right before she kisses you; you feel like you’re floating. loves to hold you and feel wanted. she’s one of a kind and you’re in love with her.

run - she’s fun and teaches you things. she’s sensual, and she lets you know. has that whole 80′s Greaser Vibe down to the t; it shouldn’t be hot, but it is. reminds you of guitar solos and slow basses. bites her lips and smirks when she looks at you. drives with one hand, and traces your knee with the other. texts you she loves you before bed. always wants to be close to you. smoky eyeshadow and dark lips. the girl you steal glances at from behind your hair. is a softy at heart. sends you cat videos and thinks about you all the time. sleeps best next to you. she teaches you how to grow, and she’s refreshing. she wasn’t suppose to last, but she did anyway.

save me - she writes poetry and always compares you to the moon. she’s a romantic at heart, and wants to experience the love story of a lifetime. she makes you feel like you’re in a movie. bites your bottom lip when she’s kissing you. her hands are always cold, but she always wants you to hold them. traces your bare stomach with her fingers. headphones are practically glued to her ears. makes songs about you. stares at you adoringly when you aren’t looking. kisses the tip of your nose and lights fires in your heart. she sings in the shower. gets quiet when it rains and always wants to sit and watch as the rain hits the window. she feels like a huge breath of air on a cold day. has a piercing on her tongue that makes you giggle when she kisses you. takes photos of you and never fails to let everyone online know she adores you.

blood, sweat and tears - classy. always well dressed. loves kissing your fingers and the space right under your jaw. lipgloss always transfers. wears designer clothing but never makes you feel inferior. highkey affectionate. holds your waist and rests her chin on your shoulders. does your makeup for you and doesn’t hold back on giving you compliments. loves using petnames. dances in the middle of the hallway with you. favourite moments are lying on the couch, sipping wine, and playing with your hair. bedroom eyes and a deep voice. her red lipstick always smudges onto your lips. nips at your shoulder because it’s sensitive and then giggles. tells you she loves you late at night whilst she’s holding you, falling asleep with her head cradled by your neck.

spring day - teenage sweethearts. she feels nostalgic, like home. she reminds you of the sound of kid’s laughing and crunching snow. lacing hands and childlike innocence. makes you feel bubbly. blows raspberries on your cheeks and giggles when you shoo her away. road trips and vintage vans. licks ice cream off your lips then gets shy. she’s a little ditsy and lost in her head; feels far away. she’s gentle and loves to cradle your face in her hands and kiss your forehead. kisses you in the snow because your cheeks blaze red and she loves that. when she kisses you for a long time and pulls away her eyes look glassy and you feel warm. polaroid photos and old cameras. she doesn’t last forever but she changed you.

dna - she gets flustered when you wear her jerseys. likes the way you smell. always wearing black circle lenses and pink hats. when you lick into her mouth she tastes like cotton candy. dyes her hair often, and loves to wear matching clothes with you. lets people know you’re hers, and gets shy when you jokingly call her out on it. could talk for ages about literally anything, and her eyes sparkle when she talks about something she’s passionate about. not afraid to voice her opinions, and showers you with unconditional love and praise. needs you to know she’s absolutely gone for you.

crystal snow - she makes you feel like you’re falling hard. pure love. sings you to sleep and makes you feel protected. everytime you see her the world is in slow motion. makes your heart beat with how intense she stares at you. flirts with you innocently, and always has her hands on you. giggles whenever you joke around and she makes you feel important. brushes her nails across your scalp whenever you’ve had a bad day. gets embarrassed verbally expressing how much she likes you, and her neck always flares red. the feeling right before you get butterflies; the anticipation and excitement. seeing her in the dim light before you fall asleep makes you think of fairy meadows and soft clouds. her mouth tastes like syrup and you never want to let her go.

chewbaccaaah  asked:

Please tell us about the Very Tall Gentelman

Mr. Drossel lives across the street from my parents. He’s about 6′7″, always wears a black stetson hat, black kid leather gloves and long black duster; and looks like a mix between Clint Eastwood, Slenderman, your favorite grandpa and a barn owl. He’s very soft-spoken and perhaps needlessly articulate, but in a very engaging way and I’ve never heard him raise his voice, ever.

He’s one of the best lawyers in the county and becuase I watched his dog/took care of his garden all the time when I was in middle/highschool and he was consulting for the FBI on something and was thus out of town all the time, he did all my family’s legal work (wills, architecture permits, that dust-up with the school, etc.) at a very steep discount.

His dog was a totally blind, fat little sausage of a Westie named Princess Anistasia.  She has since Passed On, but Mr. Drossel is looking into adopting a new dog, and has apparently been considering a three-legged animal of indeterminate breed but it looks like a small incursion from the Dimension Of Hair.