dave ubercharge’s really good meme baking tutorial

i serve the people.

i usually use paint, photoshop cs6, and paint tool sai, but you can do this on just ps. the reason i also use sai is to speed up the ‘saving as jpeg multiple times’ thing, and i think sai’s low quality jpeg is lower quality than ps’. without further ado:

1. pick the text. this is the most important step, of course. for this tutorial, i will be using the text ‘my nipples are fucking frozen’. i said this in a competitive match once when i was very cold. we still won.

2. pick a relevant image to use as the background. you can also use a solid colour or whatever else you want, but i think images are funnier. i’m gonna use a picture of a blizzard from google images (filtered ‘labelled for reuse with modification’).

3. apply the text to the image. i do this on paint because i’m fucking lazy and the kinda but kinda not anti-aliased text edges are funny to me. you can do this on photoshop. i use large size (large being relative to the image) bolded and italicized arial.

i gave myself a bit more canvas space for the next step.

4. apply the same text on top in a darker/lighter colour. i like putting it to the upper left of the original text. with ps, you can just fiddle around with the 2nd text layer to get it in the right position. with paint, you might have to try wiggling the text box a few times. it’s a waste of time compared to ps but for me, it’s just a part of the process making the end product funnier.

make sure your text is visible on top of the image! if it’s not, no biggie, use the fill bucket or just try different colours.

5. apply an overlay on top if desired. red is funny, but it doesn’t really work with what i want on this specific image, so i’m gonna use blue. it doesn’t really matter because the following steps are gonna ruin the colours anyway.

i used a light blue with linear burn. i saved it as a .jpeg after this.

remember to have lowest quality. even on this small version, you can see the start to the terrible things this image is going to endure!

6. here’s the fun part! you can mix these steps up, but i’ll just show how i more or less usually do it. go to filter > sharpen > smart sharpen. you can fiddle with the sliders and whatever.

save the image as a .jpeg again.

7. go to filter > blur > motion blur OR filter > blur > radial blur. motion blur is the diagonal (or up/down, or left/right) blur, radial blur has both the spinny and zoom blur. you can use more than one, if you want. since my abomination is already kind of annoying to read, i’m going to be light-handed with a spinny radial blur.

wow! that already looks pretty fucking bad, but we can go further:

8. go back to filter > sharpen > smart sharpen and apply that again. you can also do more overlays and blurring.

i decided to do all of that. here it is with another blue overlay, motion blur, and radial (zoom) blur.

i changed the sharpen settings before sharpening it again. do whatever you think looks good (or bad).

here’s the final image:

you can keep going, but i have stuff to do. some better baked images of mine:

i have a thing for 1. cropping the text weirdly and 2. red

other stuff you can do includes:

  1. doing both (or 3+) text layers on paint with a white bg, then stretching it weirdly before pasting it on the image bg (transparent selection, 2ndary colour should be white)
  2. using the fucking impact font for bad memes
  3. using lens flare (funnier if you have eyes in the image)
  4. stretching/distorting the image at any point
  5. using other filters, ps has plenty. experiment!
  6.  repenting

the beauty of this is that if you make mistakes, you can just re-bake the image, apply more effects, and it probably makes the image funnier.

anonymous asked:

Could you ask people to vote for Bob we are losing rn, we could really use the help, pleasssee

sure! and i’ll throw in some extra incentive, thanks to @youovercomeit:

I’ll write a prequel to how you stay alive– basically, an arranged marriage blarke AU– if and only if bob wins!

so, if you want that, GET TO VOTING. MADLY. less than 24 hours!

catch my hopeless romantic ass zoning out and fantasizing about being domestic with the love of my life sitting on the floor of our apartment eating take-out  in our underwear

Story Time

When I was little, like 6, I had one of those plastic Fischer Price wagons right. So when ever I found frog (there were lots around our yard after it rained) I would fill the wagon with some water and add some leaves and flowers. Now in my mind this was frog paradise ok. But for some reason the frogs never stayed and I was always so offended. My parents didn’t have the heart to point out the many flaws in my frog resort.

Frog resort 2.0 was at my grandma’s. I would take the leafy parts from carrots and line her bird baths, which again in my mind meant I had successfully replicated a perfect swamp. Excellent for frog. 10/10. And then I would run around the golf course and neighborhood catching frogs. They never stayed. Again no one told me why. I was a devastated child. All I wanted were some frogs that appreciated my hard work. 

I don’t have any pics of the frog resorts, however my older brother and I also caught a lot of garter snakes at this golf course (which I never actually golfed at… I just drove the cart and ran into the swamp for frogs and snakes while my dad, brother, and grandpa golfed…)

Later in life I gave up my pursuit of frogs and told my dad I would be a gecko trainer. Look at me now. I trained Nimrod not to poop on me. And to trust me. Don’t let your dreams be dreams.

anonymous asked:

Interviewer: steven, what are you thoughts of voltr- Steven, moving in so his lips are touching the mic: no

someone: can you talk more about vo-

steven yeun: have y'all watched the latest episode of the walking dead yet? good stuff.

someone: yes, yes, but can you talk about your part in vo-

steven yeun: oh man i LOVED being part of the walking dead. really grateful for the opportunity.

anonymous asked:

Please say something about the whole Ackerman/Subproduct of titan thing. tbh i am shook.. seems like Zeke as well haha

Zeke is shook! Reiner is shook! All of Markey of shook! 

I love the reveal that they’d formerly believed the Ackermans were the stuff of myths and legends. Now Zeke knows they exist. Seriously, can’t you just imagine the moms and dads of Marley frightening their children with tales of the Ackerman Boogieman?

I feel like the word “sub product” will be more wisely chosen in the official release, but I’m glad the indication is that there’s a science-y flavor to the bloodline magic mix!