Picasso is our future baby goat daddy for next year.  We got him from Jenness Farm, the goat milk soap makers.

I saw his picture on their Facebook page when they were posting about babies and fell in love.  We drove over a day or two later and bought him, but waited to bring him home until both of my girls had kidded.  He needed company of his own kind.

He is now just over two months old (born May 15).  I went out to the barn Monday morning to do my usual milking and barn chores, and found him very, very sick.  I thought he was going to die any minute, literally.  I spent three days nursing him.  I gave him CDT vaccine (should have had C&D antitoxin, but I couldn’t find any.  All the mail-order sources were sold out, even.), Nutri-Drench (liquid vitamins), ProBios (probiotics).  He was staggering around, could barely walk, and seemed incapable of drinking.  I fed him goat milk with an oral syringe.  I gave him a dose of long-acting antibiotic in case he had something that would be helped by that, but also because I was worried about him aspirating the milk and developing pneumonia.  (Another indication of how sick he was.)  I gave multiple doses of Nutri-Drench and another dose of ProBios the next day.  I continued to feed him by syringe, every few hours.  I was worried about going out to the barn to check on him, afraid I’d find him dead.  By Wednesday morning I was seeing slight improvement - he was drinking water from a bucket, and nibbling at his hay, but was still off-balance and staggering, and seemed unable to drink from a bottle.  

Hubby went in to check on him Wednesday afternoon and said Picasso came bouncing over to him.  It did not seem possible, but I went in to check, and he was almost completely recovered, almost as suddenly as he took sick.  Praise God!  (Much prayer was involved to this point.)  I took this video this evening to show him bright, alert and happy to see me, impatient for his bottle!  I still have no idea what happened, but I am thrilled that he seems to have recovered.


Had a hectic day at work yesterday (although most days are hectic there) but there seems to be a baby boom right now. We had so many babies coming yesterday. And Monday we have tons of new patients coming in. The problem is that the phones have been non stop because people wait until the last minute to get checkups before they have to start school. To top that, we’re one nurse short. The doctor who has the most patients doesn’t have a nurse. Don’t know what’s going to happen about that.

Yesterday u came home from work and David told me that there’s a problem with our sink. The sinks from both bathrooms, top floor and bottom floor somehow are connected. Now we can’t use either one until the problem gets fixed. At least we have the kitchen sink. These things always happen in the weekends.

Pastor Bartos, a friend of ours who lives in Missouri, he’s actually David’s parents minister, is traveling thru Arkansas and stayed with us through the night. It’s funny how a couple of years ago he came to have thanksgiving with us and the Wednesday before thanksgiving our kitchen sink broke. We seem to have problems with sinks when he comes.

But to top it all, our coffee machine broke this morning. It’s a cheap one, since we seem to have bad luck with coffee machines. Thank goodness I have a Keurig that I only use once in a while. Meanwhile I guess I’ll have to go shop for a new coffee machine.

You Messed Up. Big Time

Person - Jack Barakat
Triggers - No
Requested - No


5 years. I haven’t had a kiss, I haven’t been passionate with someone, all because of him. 5 years ago today I walked into our once shared bedroom and found him in bed with a busty brunette.

That night I took my baby and I and we left. My baby, Andy, still sees his father on the weekends, well and Friday, Jack pics him up from school, then I pick him up on a Monday. The point is I hardly ever see Jack. I know what he did was wrong but something inside me is saying go back, maybe it’s just to see his face or to feel his touch or hear his voice.
“Bye bye baby” I said kissing my 6 year old son then watching him run into his classroom. “Bye mommy” he shouts as he runs off. I smile and walk out and go to work. It’s Friday meaning I won’t see my baby for 4 days which really sucks. Andy was telling me how him Jack and cherri were going to an amusement park this weekend. Cherri is jacks new toy, she was the woman who caused our divorce and is now engaged to him. It does sadden me to think he stayed with a woman he had a one night stand with but doesn’t try and chase the woman who birthed his son and had been his partner since they can remember. Alex and Lisa had gotten together the exact same time as us and they are happily married with children. I guess something’s just don’t work out. I’m invited to the wedding, it’s 3 weeks away, you may think me crazy but I’m going, mainly because Andy is the ring boy and I figured I’d have to look after him.

—–skip to the wedding—–

I put the last pin in my hair before grabbing my purse and heading to the venue. Andy had gone with Jack because cherri wanted to pic his suit and such. I was wearing a floral dress and did my hair in loose curls with a slight beehive on top. I walked into the church, it stung because this was the church where me and jack got married all those years ago. I took a seat next to where Andy would sit that was reserved for me. I read jacks messy writing and sighed as I sat down and looked at the church. It looked a lot  like it did on our wedding day beautiful flowers, everyone smiling and just pure happiness. Everyone started to quite down as everyone started to enter. Jack standing at the front,the boys behind him, the bridesmaids on the other side. My little Andy now marching down the isle a big grin on his face. I smiled at him then looked at Jack. He looked at me and gave. me a sympathetic smile. Andy stood next to Jack. I smiled but that quickly changed as I heard the music start. I stood up and looked at cherri, she was wearing a dress that suited her perfectly and her hair and makeup was perfect. I smiled and we all sat down. I felt some tears roll down my face. As it came up to the vowels. I tried my best but I couldn’t. I picked up my stuff and quickly walked down the isle to the door, My head down and the sound of my heels trapping the cold floor. “Mommy” shouted Andy as he sped down the isle after me just after I left out the door.
I sat on the bottom step of the church and silently sobbed to myself. “Mommy?” I heard my son as he rushed down and hugged me. “What wrong?” He said while staring into my eyes. “I’m sorry sweetie mummy just still loves daddy, a lot”
I said wiping my tears. “Daddy loves you as well” Andy said smiling. “No sweetie daddy loves cherri” at that Andy shook his head. “daddy likes cherri but daddy loves you, he tells me, he says that he loves you and he said he wishes he never messed up” I sat there not knowing what to think. I sniffed. “C'mon sweetie daddy needs you in there” Andy nodded and took my hand. He dragged me back to the alter. “No sweetie I’m not meant to be up here” I whispered to my son. “But this is where daddy wants you” he said looking at me then Jack. “Isn’t that true daddy?” Andy said  he grabbed both of our hands. “Daddy loves mommy a lot and I know mommy loves daddy because she says so, they both do” he said “c'mon buddy that was meant to be a secret” Jack whispered to Andy.
“Is it true? Do you still love me?” I said looking into jacks eyes’ “JACK WE ARE MEANT TO BE MARRIED KNOW” a very pissed off cherri screeched. “I’m sorry” I said and got up ready to walk out for good I got half way down the isle when I heard large footsteps. “Y/N wait!” I turned around “Y/N it’s true everything Andy said, I still love you I fu-messed up royally and I love you, please let’s start it over” I shake my head. “Jack you’re about to be a married man and I know how much it hurts for someone to leave you, and cherri is an amazing person, I love you Jack but what you did was unforgivable, good bye Jack, I’ll come and pick up Andy on Monday” I said as I kissed his cheek and left the church.


My brother and his wife wanted to throw a family reunion of sorts before their baby arrived so we all traveled back to Omaha for the weekend. It was a really nice visit! I was able to visit my friends from high school during the trip and meet my cousins new babies!

The reunion was Sunday at our family cabin. That place is truly a little slice of heaven. I have so many great memories there growing up and desperately wish I was able to go there all summer long. Not only to enjoy the sun, lake and boats but also to spend time with my cousins and Aunts and Uncles more. But for us it’s just a once in awhile visit that we really treasure. We thew an impromptu baby shower for Al & Sara and it was fun to watch them open a few gifts and read advice from family members. Overall a fun and relaxing day with almost all of our family members attending!

Monday we had trouble getting back home on our standby tickets. Only my sister got on the first flight and the only one left looked impossible! So we made a decision to rent a car and drive to Kansas City. Once there my Dad got on the first flight and then my mom, husband and I got on the next one. We were home by 8pm and honestly had fun chatting together while waiting to get home.

I love my extended family so much and wish we all lived much closer. But since we don’t these occasional weekends will have to do!


This weekend was INCREDIBLE and definitely goes on the list of “Best Weekends Ever!” So for this weekend, Ireland had a Bank Holiday on Monday, so we had a 3-day weekend, and my friends and I decided to plan our own trip to the southwest part of Ireland! 

CORK. For the first day, Saturday, we booked it early on a bus to Cork and arrived around noon. Cork was actually a very interesting city, architecturally-wise. Most of the buildings are three stories high or higher! It was surrounded by a few canals and all the buildings were strangely uniformly geometrically rectangularly shaped, and each building had a different color. You would see a bright pink, baby blue, purple, green, yellow–basically every color in different shades! It was a charming city, and when we arrived, we first checked into our hostel, and after we headed towards City Centre to the English Market, which is one of the top places to visit. Cork is known as the food capital of Ireland, and the market was adorable and had such fresh smells of fish and desserts and many other food items. We got lunch at the Farmgate Cafe in the market, and since there was fresh seafood everywhere in the market, I ordered the seafood chowder. I’m in general a big seafood fan, so I definitely enjoyed it! I also enjoyed an eclair as well. 

After the market, we just walked around City Centre and shopped a little bit. We also headed towards the St. Fin Barre’s Cathedral, which was ginormous and beautiful! In general, I’m absolutely awed at cathedrals because they’re built with so many intricate details, and St. Fin Barre’s Cathedral had so many statues carved into their walls and many other details. However, what leaves me in awe is the fact that it began construction in 1863, a time with much less advanced technology but they were still able to construct something so intricate. 

After, we left to go see Blarney Castle, which is home to the famous Blarney Stone! The area surrounding Blarney Castle is huge–it’s filled with many different types of gardens and also the Blarney House. We began at the castle, and there were so many rooms and caverns to explore. Whenever I walk through a castle, it’s crazy for me to think that people lived there. We crawled into this wet dungeon area underneath the castle, which was believed to have kept prisoners–and if the flashlights they placed in there weren’t there, it would be pitch dark and wet. After, we climbed the steps of the castle and headed towards the top, exploring the different rooms. 

At the top is where the famous Blarney Stone lies! Legend has it that whoever kisses the stone will be endowed with the gift of the gab (great eloquence or skillful flattery). The top of the castle is actually REALLY high up, and to kiss the stone, you have to bend backwards and grab these bars and kiss the stone. Now, although the pictures show little railings at the bottom to catch you if you fall, there aren’t many railings! There’s probably three and your head could probably fit through it! It was hilarious when I went to kiss the stone. There’s a guy who works to hold people while they kiss the stone so that no one falls. And being a 5′1 person, it was a struggle. I bent backwards, and the top of my tush was already at the edge of the ledge. But the guy was saying, “You’re not there yet. Keep going.” And I kept going and literally my butt was off the ledge and it was intense! Haha. If I let go, I definitely would have fallen because it was just my legs hanging on. And the best part was the guy that worked there started laughing HYSTERICALLY! HE WAS SO ENTERTAINED AT MY STRUGGLE because he realized that I was really short! It was great hearing his laughter though, it was a really big, infectious Irish laugh and his face turned completely red!

After, we just explored the gardens around the castle! We walked through the Poison Garden, which had some famous poisonous plants, such as wolfsbane and nightshade. We also walked down the Wishing Steps, and legend has it that if you walked down the steps and back up with your eyes closed and only thought of a wish the entire time, the witch that enchanted the steps would grant you your wish. But it was quite daunting! I attempted it and literally took one baby step at at time. I wasn’t sure what to wish for though–so I kind of gave up halfway, haha. There was also the dolmen, which is another portal tomb; and there were some really great plants and trees that were decorated with knitted yarn balls or had some sort of knitted sweater on them. Walking through these parts felt like I was walking into a new world like Narnia or Terabithia. 

After Blarney Castle, we headed back to Cork and went for some dinner in this bar/restaurant place. The Gaelic football games were on, which apparently was a really intense thing! Gaelic football is a mix of football and rugby, and my friends and I were originally confused because it looked like soccer, but then they would pick up the ball and begin dribbling it and it was pretty cool! It was the Cork vs. Kerry game. Apparently, all the players do not get paid to play (they actually have real jobs for a living, such as teaching, etc.), but they play for the pride of representing their region, and the games are taken very seriously–the players train HARD. Then, evening came and we just walked around the city some more, listened to some live music in the pubs, and then headed to sleep because we had an early train ride to Killarney the next day. Cork was such a charming city, but Killarney definitely stole my heart. 

Fighting for hope.

Losing anyone in your life is difficult.  I would have to say losing a child is the by far the most difficult loss anyone could experience.  It has placed things in my life in different perspectives.  We experienced a different loss this past week.  My sweet Bruiser, 17 and a half years old, passed away in my arms.  Yes he is a dog, but he has been our baby for 13 years.  Our dogs have always been our “kids” as we were never sure if we would have a baby.  Our perspectives did change a bit when we had Reagan, as the dogs became more like dogs and less like people to us.  But they are still ours and are part of our family.  He was always snuggling me, especially in the difficult weeks after Reagan died.  He always knew when I was sad.  Over this last year, he got old.  He really just started doing poor and we knew the time was near.  Last weekend we decided Monday was the day.  We called and made an appointment for a vet to come to the house.  How do you arrange a time for your dog to be put to sleep?  Oh, we dreaded 2pm that day.  We just held him all day and went to the beach so he could feel the sand in his toes and sun on his face.  It was a peaceful day.  He passed away quietly in my arms.  

This is our second dog we have lost as a couple.  Our first puppy, Pepper, passed away traumatically at 8 years old.  That was horrible and we were devastated for a long time.  Not that losing Bruiser was easy, it was just different.  He was old, he lived his life.  His time had come.  There is a certain peace in that.  This was the first death I have experienced that was controlled and peaceful and just the right timing (if that really exists).  We are sad that he is gone, but grateful his pain and weakness no longer exists.  We hope he is playing with his sister, Pepper.

As we have just lost our puppy and we approach the one year birthday of our Reagan, we find ourselves just fighting for hope.  Fighting for the breathe that allows us to function each day.  This hope is the little heartbeat inside me now.  Though we face loss and pain each day, there is a glimmer, some life to look forward to.  

anonymous asked:

Also our poor baby must've been in pain if he put the larger cast back on after we saw him without it during Monday and yesterday's shows. I hope he's okay. I'm just glad he's healing. BUT THIS MAN IS JUST UNREAL I CAN'T JAMES. His voice is gorgeous and he looks gorgeous and ugh. This man that we love. Is a rockstar.

He was in the crowd, and had a sign that said singer with broken finger so he was probably just protecting it/milking it.