Today I didn’t go to school because I’m really sad and I don’t want to see August. Everything that happened yesterday is starting to get to me, I really thought we had a friendship but instead it was a forced one. Now I know that everything Sheila said about her wanting me and August to date was her just being nice because of my slowness.
I just wished he could’ve been honest and told me he didn’t want to be friends. I never wanted anyone to feel like they had to be my friend because I’m stupid. I don’t have a problem with being alone, in the situation im in now I’m basically all I have.
Unless my dad cares about me, I haven’t seen him since I was three. I wish I could’ve left with him when he left but of course my mom didn’t let me. That’s when she started using me to get money from Sam. I actually really do love my mom but she doesn’t feel the same.
I wanted to have a good mother and daughter relationship but that’ll never happen. I was taken out of my thoughts when I heard sams voice and my door open revealing my mom. She quickly closed the door behind her and sat on the bed.
“Mom what are you doing here? I thought you guys weren’t coming back for a while?“I asked and she rolled her eyes.
“You’re pregnant aren’t you?“she asked and I slowly shook my head.
“No I mean I took a test yesterday and they said they’ll call me"I said.
“Well if you are, you better not tell your damn grandma about you and Sam"she warned.
“But Sam can’t get girls pregnant, remember you told me that?“I said.
“Well I lied, that’s why I had you on birth control. How long have you been out of pills?"she asked.
"I don’t know, at least two or three months. But if you knew I was out why did you ask me that one day if I have been taking them?"I said.
"Clearly I fuckin forgot. Look if you’re pregnant, you better figure out how to hide your stomach when you start showing"she said and I stayed quiet.
"How are you gonna take care of it?"she asked and I frowned.
"What do you mean? Sam is gonna help"I said and she laughed.
"He’s not, what makes you think he’s going take care of a special kid. It was hard enough taking care of you"she said and I felt my face getting hot.
"None of this would’ve been difficult if you weren’t fucking your own brother"I said and she slapped me.
As soon as she did that, she jumped on top of me and started punching me in the face and in the ribs until Sam came in and pulled her off.
"You and Sam need to go. I know you started some shit with Timera Leena"my grandma said.
"Really mom? You’re taking up for this selfish little bitch?"she said.
"You damn right I am, you’re sorry excuse for a mother. Don’t expect her to come back to the house, she’s staying with me now”
“No she’s not, she’s coming home"Sam said.
"You’re not her father, you aren’t even family so who are you to say she’s coming or going anywhere?"my grandma spat.
"I’m the father of that baby in her stomach, so I got all the control over her"he said and my grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes.
"Oh hell no"she said before storming out.
"Lets go Timera. Now"he demanded and I shook my head.
"No, I’m tired of being abused by you. You’re not going to ruin my life anymore” I said and he walked towards me grabbing my arm.
"I said let’s go now you little bitch, don’t make me beat the fuck out of you"he said and that’s when my grandma walked in hitting him with a bat and he yelled out.
"Get the fuck out my house you god damn rapist. Watch when I find out what really happened between you and my grand daughter, I’m calling the cops on both of ya’ll"she said and they both rushed out the room.
"Now tell me what happened Timera"she said and I sighed.
"He basically raped me since I was 14 well that’s when it started. Mom let him do it because he would pay her money. He hit me a lot too"I said.
"Are you kidding me? Why in the hell didn’t you say anything"she said.
"Because he said if I did he would kill me, he would do it nana I know he would”
“So are you pregnant?"she asked and I shrugged my shoulders.
"I don’t know, I’m still waiting for the results from the clinic"I said.
"Do you think that you’re pregnant"she asked.
"No"I said and she walked out.
Even though I feel somewhat relieved that I told my grandma the truth, I don’t like how she walked out. I feel like she’s disappointed with me in fact i know she is. I should’ve told her about this a long time ago. Hopefully I’m not pregnant because if so, she’ll be really mad.
Once I realized that Timera wasn’t at school, I decided to go to my car and sit there til the bell rung. I feel real shitty about everything, if she was to call right now and said she hated me I wouldn’t get mad. I been nothin but a shitty ass friend and now our friendship is basically ruined.
Even though its been a day, it feels like I haven’t talked to her in months. I really want us together again, I want us to be a couple. I love her and I always have. I was wrong for judging her and I was really wrong for snapping at her.
But ima handle that nigga Jordan. I told her not to talk to him and I told him to never come near her but they did exactly what I told them not to do. That’s another reason why I’m sittin in my car so I can catch his ass.
I was taken out of my thoughts when I saw Marley walking up to my car. I wonder what the fuck she’s doing here, hopefully she comin to say she wanna apologize to Timera. All that shit she said to her was wrong.
"The fuck you doin here"I said while rolling the window down and she frowned.
"Why are you being an asshole?"she spat and I kissed my teeth.
"Man what the fuck do you want? I’m not in the mood to argue"I said and she sighed.
"I wanna know what’s up with you and my cousin"she said.
"We’re friends, that’s pretty obvious. But if we were doing something it doesn’t concern you, that’s our business"I said and she laughed.
"Wow, she really got you brain washed. Since you guys are such good friends, I’m assuming you know that she’s pregnant by Jordan"she said.
"Don’t come over here startin rumors and shit, seriously"I warned.
"Ohhhhhh so you don’t know? Well I’m not starting anything, my grandma called my mom this morning and said so"she said and I clenched my jaw hard.
"I gotta go, I’ll see you later"I mumbled before starting my car and driving off.
I stopped by the store and grabbed pregnancy tests then sped all the way to her grandmas house. Once I got there, I noticed that her grandma’s car wasn’t in the drive way so I walked up to the door bangin on it. She opened it and before she could open her mouth to say anything, I pushed passed her.
"Go in the bathroom and take all three of these pregnancy tests. Now"I said and she stood there looking at me scared.
"W-whats wrong? Why are you so angry"she asked nervously.
"You pregnant by Jordan huh?"I asked and she frowned.
"Wha- no! I’m not pregnant by him, we never did anything. I’m not even pregnant who told you that!?"she yelled and I bit my lip.
"Just go take the tests, then I’ll believe you"I said and she snatched them out my hand.
"Fine, after you get your results just leave"she said then stormed off to the bathroom.
I sat down on the couch shaking my leg then sat back. I felt my phone vibrate and seen a text from Jordan saying that he wanted to talk and to meet him at this park. Good thing he did too, he’s just makin my plan more easier.
I know he’s up to somethin to, he ain’t talked to me all day and now his ass wanna talk. I’m just really over his ass and Mikey, especially since they tryna take Timera away from me. Mikey may not talk about her around me but I know for sure he does behind my back. I don’t care if he expresses how much he like her somewhere else but if he do it around me then his ass gonna be gone too. Just like Jordan bout to be.
I heard the bathroom door open and she came in handing me the tests wrapped up in tissue. I unwrapped them to see all three of them reading "NEGATIVE”
“ You can leave now"she said before walking off but I quickly jumped up and grabbed her arm.
"I’m sorry baby, look I just- I’m sorry. For everything please forgive me"I pleaded before kissing her lips.
"Why don’t you trust me august, you were never like this why is all this behavior from you all of a sudden?"she said and I shrugged my shoulders.
"I don’t know, I just want to be with you and when I see you with other niggas it pisses me off. Now I know I been nothin but an ass to you but I wanna make that up to you. I’m sorry about everything, I love you"I said.
"No you don’t, but you really need to change and as a friend, love me for me"she said.
"I always loved you for you the fuck you mean?” I spat.
“August really? I don’t agree with you, to be hones-”
“Look, we can finish this later. I gotta go"i said and she rolled her eyes.
"Okay whatever "she mumbled and I kissed my teeth before walking out.
At the park…
I seen him sitting at one of the tables then finally started walking towards him. I honestly don’t feel like talkin to this nigga but I want to for sure get rid of his ass for good.
"So what did you want to talk about"I asked and he sighed before standing up.
"About the whole Timera thing. Why you ain’t talking to me no more"he asked.
"So you called me over here so you can talk about my girl?"I slightly laughed.
"That ain’t yo girl man, you know damn well you don’t care about her"he said.
"See you wanna act like you know everything when you don’t know shit"I spat.
"Nah lets just keep it real, you don’t care for Timera. You only using her for sex because for one, she ain’t all there in the head and you know she’ll give it up. She’s defenseless so you take advantage of her and two, mama Sheila makes you hang out with her. You lied and told her that you didn’t want her around cause Mikey and I would make fun of her. What kind of friend is that?"he said.
"I can agree that I ain’t the greatest friend but nobody is perfect. I only said what I said because-”
“August man just cut out all that bullshit, you aren’t no real friend, you don’t care. You just don’t, and It sucks because Timera cares about you that much that she’ll do anything for yo sorry ass. And really its cause you’re the only person she’s been around, she doesn’t know any better"he said and I started to get pissed off.
"If you cared so much then why in the fuck you didn’t just be her friend then huh? You think I asked to be stuck babysitting some dumb bitch all four years? Well no I didn’t! Where the fuck were you when she wanted to kill herself huh? If it wasn’t for me, Her ass would be dead! Hangin from a fuckin noose! If I didn’t care I would’ve let her just kill herself!"I yelled.
"Oh so you think you deserve credit for something you didn’t really want to do?or what you had to do as a so called friend? Just cause you saved her from suicide because your mom made you isn’t a sign of caring. You been fuckin her cousin Marley since freshman year behind her back. Yet, you feel like its a bright thing to feel her head up with lies knowing she’ll believe them. Eventually she’s gonna find out the truth, so its best that you tell her now"he said.
"Or what?"I said.
"I’ll tell her myself"he said and that’s when I pulled out my gun then pointed it towards him. "Go head and kill me, I honestly can give two fucks. But she’ll still find out"he said and I pulled the trigger shooting him right in the chest.
Fuck this nigga.
Even though I’m still in pain from getting beat by my mom, I still managed to get up and walk to Augusts house. He asked me to come over. I’m pretty sure his mom Is asleep by now so in case we start arguing, she won’t wake up. She’s a heavy sleeper, a real heavy one.
As soon as I got to his door, I called his phone but got no answer. I’ve called him multiple times before I got here and he just won’t pick up. Maybe I should’ve stayed home if I knew he was gonna do this. I walked around the side to his window only to see him and Marley having sex.
I quickly dropped down but my mouth was still open from shock. That’s why he wasn’t answering, I kind of had a feeling that she may have been the reason why but I just shrugged it off.
Obviously he knew I was coming over, so he probably wanted me to see this. Well maybe this is his way of telling me how he really feels about me, and everything between us was fake.
Sighing to myself, I got up and walked home. At least I know how he always truly felt about me.