So I matched with this guy on Tinder and didn’t take him seriously for a solid two months because I was casually meeting other people closer to me. So we’d talk on Tinder then we exchanged numbers and texted every so often. Then, I told him I started working at an Italian place near my house, to which he replies, “I like pizza.” So he drove over an hour to come eat while I was working. Tipped me ten dollars. Then, I sat with him once we got slow and talked to him for another hour. Then, a couple weeks later we met up on a Sunday, got lunch and a beer, saw a movie, went longboarding for most of the day and then went to a bar and had another couple drinks. We’d had so much fun, we forgot we hadn’t eaten all day so we shared a pizza. Now every Sunday we do it all over again.
Trump is going to build a wall on the Canadian border, hear me out.
He’s going to box Americans in.
And then he’s going to lay his little eggs in our homes and wallgreens and kmarts and Dave and Busters’.
And then we’re all eaten alive, screaming and begging for help but unable to reach anyone cuz Trump fired all the ambassadors and he’s built up walls, political and physical, to trap us in his cockroach hive.
But the outside world hasn’t heard from America in years, right?
So the day Trump finally tears down the wall and the world, tear-stricken and clutching their hankies, finally about to see the Americans again after all these years of utter radio silence, what happens?
The War of the Roaches.
He’s been preparing his nuclear arsenal.
Humans never had a chance.
The roaches are free.
They are coming.
They sweep Mexico and South America and Canada and what can we do?
Nothing, our biggest weapons are powerless to the roach hoard.
We are powerless to their hardened exoskeletons and ability to survive.
Europe thought it was safe.
But the roaches are a highly evolved form of roach.
Those years of hiding have paid off.
They are coming.
They fall onto the city and there’s nothing to be done, they have an immunity to bug spray and they’re impossible to smoosh, their skeletons are battle-hardened and prepared from years and years of training in American soil.
They overtake Western Europe, and begin once more to build walls.
Humanity is losing.
Humanity has poisoned its water and food supply, but cockroaches can eat anything. They will survive.
They watch as humanity resorts to fighting one another and murdering each other instead of coming up with a way to preserve the resources they have left.
Meanwhile, roaches begin to collect plastic and create boats out of the Pacific Garbage Heap.
They begin their tertiary siege.
Soon, they will begin to take over the freezing regions.
They will create a resistance.
They have assimilated human technology.
They will adapt.
Humans and their cultural adaptation, well.
Humans are in a disarray ever since Trump came into power.
They are no longer a worthy opposition.
The roaches will rule.
They are a hive, a collective, a united front.
They do not see the differences of their shells, merely their similar form, their DNA, their shared kinship.
Humans, individuals, are weak and squabbling.
They argue over battle tactics and what is a human life, is it worth losing one, is it right to quel the opinions of dissenters in a time of war?
Are other humans worth saving?
Meanwhile, the roaches are preparing.
They develop bacterial agents designed to turn humans into mega roaches.
Their DNA will be infused with our own.
We will lose our human minds and find ourselves with only antennae and the desire to serve the Trump, our queen.
And still, humans flounder.
We kill ourselves from within before our enemies can kill us.
It’s not even a hostile takeover when they finally breach Asia and begin the process of doing the same thing.
It’s a plea for swift assimilation, for cockroaches merely want to assimilate and eat us.
Humans will do things cockroaches could never do to one another, to members of the same collective hive.
Within the human consciousness, we were desperate. Hungry. Thirsty. Desiring nothing but survival and willing to doom every other member of our race to extinction if it meant living just another day.
Cockroaches share no such selfish desire.
They are one with the hive, and the hive is one of them.
The hive will live forever, if the individual does its duty, and thus the individual does its duty with eagerness.
For the good of the hive, for the good of the hive.
Humans have no hive.
Humans do not see one another as friends, only enemies.
Humans shall fall.
For the hive. For the hive.
And who began the real cracking, the devastation, of human unity and reason?
Of human dignity and cohesion, the strands between all of us, the genetic connection between brother and sister?
Summary: So basically this is where you came with Jonathan to his dad’s, and you confront him(his dad), and just help Jonathan and stuff.
Warnings: There’s some bad language, but that’s about it.
Jonathan was silent during the car ride to his dad’s. He was blasting The Clash and gripping the steering wheel so hard his hands were red. I wanted to comfort him in some way, to ease the ride over as much as possible.
He was focusing on the road intently. We’d been in the car for about an hour, and he’d only glanced at me a few times. I was still happy I came though, I knew he would need the support afterwards.
I decided to try and talk to him, and ease the tension that had been building up. “Babe, maybe we should stop and eat something, you haven’t eaten all day,” I said, pointing at the sign that signaled there would be places to eat up ahead.
“No, no I-” He gripped the wheel tighter, “We just need to get to my fathers.” He shut his eyes slowly, then focused back on the road.
He looked at me, gave me a weary smile, and then turned onto the exit towards the food area. “Really quickly though,” he sighed “I guess I am a bit hungry”
I smiled at him, he responded with letting one of his hands fall from the wheel and held one of mine.
Okay, Dimple might not be dead. He's a spirit and he wasn't exorcised. He was eaten. For all we know, his essence could have been adsorbed by the broccoli and he still "lives" on from within it. Especially since the broccoli levitating is a bit suspect.
*banging pots and pans* OH MY GOD!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE DIMPLE IS DEAD! OH THE TRAGEDY!!! I MUST LET THE WHOLE WORLD KNOW!!!!! ONE OF MY SON'S DADS JUST DIED, PEOPLE!!!!!! FUCK YOU, ONE!!!! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!@!!!!
As we head off to sleep now a mere 13 hours into the future we think back on 10 electrifying weeks spent buzzing about this giant chunk of land. A brief moment to reflect all on that we’ve seen and done, smelt and eaten, driven and delved, watched and waited on. 🇦🇺
Brief but heartfelt goodbyes with Beverley and Neil this morning left us with a great sense of gratitude towards two of the most generous and humbling of souls. ☺️
Our feeling of Zen was ripped away in an instant when on arrival at the check in desk we were informed we needed an onward flight from New Zealand in order to gain access. Visa stuffs. Total negligence. Idiots!! 😐 Having no other choice but to book flights there and then, we royally ripped ourselves off on two Jetstar returns to Sydney for later in April. ‘All part of our plan anyway’, we tell ourselves. 😑
The abundant beats per minute finally dispersed into normality over the course of the next few hours and we found ourselves gazing over what could be Mordor itself. 😉 Mt Cook popped up in the distance, said his hellos how you doings see you laters, and slowly descended behind the glowing backbones of the ranges. 🏔🏔
By the time we got through customs daylight had faded and we headed straight to our Airbnb to drop off our bags before heading straight back into town. Our day was wrapped up in a wrapped up Queenstown delight - a 'Fergburger’. 🍔🍟
university of and we’re an all girl band lol…..we’re gonna get eaten alive is kind of a long name for a band /: have u considered shortening it idk maybe that will help??? just my opinion love ur blog tho
ur right…. I think it could be “university of and we’re girl band…we’re gonna get eaten alive’‘ I took the lol and some dots out do you think that’s better
- Algy and his assistant wish all you wonderful people at imiging a very happy 2nd birthday, and Algy sends you lots of very fluffy birthday hugs xoxo
This GIF is from Algy’s own 2nd Tumblr birthday party - and you will notice that for the theme of “two” there are two delicious homemade banana splits, with real homemade ice cream… You will have to share them out between you, but there are also plenty of homemade chocolate brownies :)
Happy Birthday and Many Happy Returns Imiging!
Photograph and Gif by Algy and his assistant Jenny Chapman (the excellent cook of those delicacies )