Being raised Catholic obviously means being raised Christian but sometimes I forget how weird and out there Catholic beliefs are compared to other Christians.

Do other Christian groups have the trinity? Not just “father, son, Holy Ghost” but the explicit belief that God is all of those people separately AND simultaneously? We are not really supposed to find this comprehensible???

Speaking of mysteries, the Pascal Mystery? We also acknowledge that the whole passion/death/actual fucking resurrection/ascension to glory of the Christ doesn’t make any sense and that’s part of why it’s so fucking holy? We have a hymn that goes “dying he destroyed our deeeeeaaaath, rising he restored our liiiiiife.” TBH I don’t think it’s that mysterious but mysteriousness is sacred I guess.

Do other christians all swear they believe in the Transfiguration? I know most of you do Communion or Eucharist or whatever in some way buuut we’re out here agreeing on some wild shit we all know is fake??? The priest is like “this is my body, take this and eat of it in memory of me” and you know what? It’s still a fucking communion wafer. But we all have to agree it’s Literally Jesus Flesh. I’m not kidding. This is what we teach our children.

The entire concept of saints is weird.

One of my favorite Catholic terms is Holy Day of Obligation, which means you have to go to Church our you’re sinning. Every Sunday is a Holy Day of Obligation. Easter is a Holy Day of Obligation. Good Friday, Palm Sunday, etc. What honest Cardinal came up with Holy Day of Obligation??? Might as well have called it Holy Day of Oh Fuck Church AGAIN??? Holy Day of I Guess I Have To. Holy Day of My Mother Will Shame Me if I Skip

Do you guys have MAY CROWNINGS? You’ve probably heard that we’re High Fucking Key Obsessed with Mary (leftover goddess worship I like to think). But do you put #aesthetic flower crowns on Mary statues the first of every May? The first grade It Girl in my glass not only got to play Mary in our Christmas pageant but went on to get to CROWN HER. I just held the stupid ladder and trilled “oh Mary we crown you with BLO-SSOMS to-day” with the rest of the grade and I was so pissed. I’m reasonably certain you guys do Christmas pageants. But I know what I bet you didn’t do? Breakfast With Jesus. To be fair this is not a pope-sponsored event but it happened every year in the parish gym! There used to be this Capitalist holiday celebration in like……the 90s called Breakfast w/Santa. It was held at the mall. You took your kids there some Saturday morning to have shitty pancakes with a mall Santa and the idea was that if you were already at the mall at 9 AM, you’d spend the rest of the day worshipping your capitalist overlords there. My church decided they needed an event to COMPETE. Jesus was never actually in attendance. Just church lady eggs and shitty crafts and grumpy old people. Like I said, not pope-approved. But imagine the mindset that needs to compete with Mall Santa! Imagine!!!!! Do you…….do you know how we pick our popes? We don’t! We don’t know! I mean….we know the basic outline. All the cardinals get together for a Silly Red Outfit Convention. Vatican politics. Intrigue, I assume. Candidates are suggested, votes are cast, presumably the Da Vinci vault is opened and secrets are traded idk. But the deciding moment happens between closed doors and decisions are communicated to the public through COLORED SMOKE. In 5th grade when we were getting a new pope we all watched this happen on a tiny TV aaaaand that was what we did at school that day. Once the Holy Smoke declares he’s The Popiest, he’s Infallible. That means he’s Right About Everything Because God Told Him So. Technically we’re supposed to believe everything he does is perfect and like, follow his lead. (Hard to reconcile when you think about the pro-Nazi sentiment of a certain Pope of Christmas Past, huh?) This is the reason people thought the Vatican was gone take over the country when Catholic JFK was elected to the presidency. It’s an open secret that the priesthood is an ugly refuge for Catholic gay men. I’m not telling you this because I think it’s funny and I’m not telling you this as if it was a rule, but that’s what people think and usually don’t say. I’ve often wondered if part of the reason no one becomes a priest now is because like. Other fucking options exist. However I will not speak to the actual prevalence of gay priests. Our stance on Being Gay is also?? Bizarre? Compared to the rest of you christians? Like it’s horrible. But weird. “Gay people aren’t evil,” we say. “God made them the way they are! But any kind of acting on their gayness ever is a Big Old Sin lol.” It’s kind of…extra heartless when you think about it. Speaking of sin, um……..you guys don’t do Reconciliation/Confession I’m pretty sure. Probably you have heard of this one: We go into a Shame Box with an obscured priest and confess our misdeeds. (In this day and age almost no one has confessionals so the priest actually looks you in your eye and knows your name and it’s Horrible). But did you know that this is preceded by a mass shaming session? Confession isn’t available all the time. Either you go by request or you go when it’s being held. If there’s a big group the priest will prepare you by doing this weird speech which is supposed to make you feel super bad about everything you’ve ever done. I’ve always suspected this isn’t part of the catechism, they’re just trying to bring your sins to the surface to make their nights a little shorter. “Life starts at conception” may have started with us. Sorry. :/ But on the subject of abortion, I’ve only ever seen Catholic churchyards full of hundreds of tiny white crosses meant to represent the souls of aborted babies. I mean, I know there’s some pretty gross, extreme anti-abortion displays out there but this is unique in it’s subtlety and creepiness. I used to babysit for my cousin and she had a picture of one of these setups on her MANTLE. Like it was art!!!!! I…I could go on. But I’ll stop. We’re weird fuckers and it’s not just because we have an old guy in a big hat.

REQUESTED-Hope you guys enjoy!!

“We could just relax today.” I said laying in the bed.

“I have a meeting with the council this morning.” Elijah spoke tying his tie in front of a mirror, “after that, I’m all yours.” He still struggled with his tie.

“Here.” I hopped out of bed and went to help Elijah with his tie.

“Thank you.” Elijah smiled at me before kissing my forehead, “I’ll be back in a while.”

“I’ll be here.” I walked into the bathroom as he left.
“Want to go shopping?” Rebekah peeked her head into my room.

“Sure.” I hopped off the bed grabbing my purse, “bored are we?”

“You have no idea.” She sighed, “plus I need more new clothing.”
I chuckled and nodded. The house was empty.

“Where is everyone?” I asked looking around.

“Klaus went with Elijah to some sort of meeting. Hayley is with Jackson somewhere.” Rebekah replied climbing into the car.

“So what’s up with this meeting?” I questioned watching out the window.

“Not sure. Nick didn’t say anything, just left this morning.” She answered shrugging, “what store do you want to go to?”

“Don’t care, which ever one is your favorite.”

“How about the one by the coffee shop?” Rebekah wondered keeping her eyes on the road.

“Sure, some coffee wouldn’t go amiss either.” I smiled.

“Deal.” Rebekah smiled.

“What about this one?” Rebekah walked out in a blue dress. I shook my head.

“Red is more your color. Try that one.” I pointed towards another dress she had chosen to try on.

“Alright…you need to try on a dress, get one.” She grabbed the dress and went back into the changing room. I got up and began to browse the clothing. I found a nice plain light blue summer dress that went over the knees.

“That one’s cute.” Rebekah’s voice chimed, “you should get it.”

“As long as you get the red one.” I looked at the one she has on.

“Great!” She smiled, “I’ll get changed and then we can go.”
I waited for Rebekah at the car.

“What took you so long?” I asked waving my bag in the air.

“They had sunglasses on sale.” Rebekah smiled, “come on, let’s go home.”
We talked on the car ride home, mainly about the events going on in New Orleans.

“Yes well, things seem to be under control at the moment, so I say we celebrate.”

“Nothing here stays calm for long.” I laughed following her into the house. Immediately I felt something was off. Klaus and Elijah were talking quietly, but they stopped and looked at us as we entered.

“What’s wrong?” Rebekah asked immediately, “what happened?”

“We…ran into a complication.” Klaus sighed holding his hands on his hips.

“What is this about?” I looked at the both of them. Elijah looked at me with sad eyes, and my stomach twisted.
I opened my mouth but no words came out. Klaus was talking, but I couldn’t hear anymore.


I looked over at Elijah as he said my name.

“Why?” I looked back up at Klaus.

“It was a complication. We had to.” He spoke sadly.

“This hasn’t been in the negotiations before.” I blurted out looking between the two brothers.

“It’s a way to ensure peace.” Klaus added.

“Marrying Elijah off to a witch is peace?” Rebekah crossed her arms, “why don’t you marry the witch Klaus?”

“I have a daughter.” Klaus turned to Rebekah.

“And Elijah has (y/n), are they just suppose to give each other up?” Rebekah continued to argue, “and why doesn’t (y/n) have a say in this?”

“It is already done, Rebekah.” Klaus sighed regretfully.
My stomach turned and I felt like I was going to be sick.

“I-I need some air.” I got up and left quickly running outside. My breathing was ragged and thoughts were running through my head, my heart was breaking.

“(Y/n).” Elijah spoke softly walking over to me.

“You’re getting married.” I breathed out facing him, my voice was beginning to shake, “you’re getting married…but not to me.”

“There wasn’t anything I could do.” Elijah came closer and grabbed my arms gently, “I’m so sorry. This isn’t what I wanted. We tried to find another way around it…” He touched my cheek.

“All I wanted was you.” I croaked out, “I just wanted you, I can deal with murdering witches, vampires that want revenge…because I had you. And-and now…” I slumped down against the house. I looked over at him as he sat next to me.

“Is there any way to get out of this?” I mumbled leaning my head on his shoulder. He didn’t answer, I closed my eyes and sighed.

“I wish there was.” He kissed the top of my head.
I stared at the ceiling, light was beginning to flood in the room. I didn’t want to get up, or move. I could feel people moving around in the house, getting ready for the arrival of the witch Elijah was going to marry: Meg.
I finally got up when the sun had risen a bit more, although it was still early. I took my time getting ready in on hurry to go downstairs. I slipped on a white blouse with jeans, and put my hair into a ponytail. I can do this… I repeated in my head as I walked out the door. I could hear Klaus talking to people, ordering them around. There was also a new voice, one of a women with authority. Gazing over the railing I found people rushing about getting ready for the ceremony this evening. My stomach turned. Through the chaos, Elijah’s faint voice reached my ears, he was talking with his bride to be, whom had shown up three days ago.

“You know Klaus has been bossing people around all morning? He’s having a cow.” Rebekah came up next to me.

“It’s a lot of pressure.” I nodded.

“You don’t have to go it you don’t want to.” She glanced at me.

“I know.” I sucked in a breath, “but if I don’t do this, then I won’t be able to face them for the rest of my immortal life.”

“Well, how about we help each other get ready?” Rebekah grabbed my arm and began to walk be down the stairs.

“Why are we going down the stairs?” I asked looking around.

“We need wine.” Rebekah pulled me towards the kitchen. We stopped as someone bumped.

“Sorry…” I looked up to see Elijah’s betrothed: Cleo.

“Our bad.” I stepped out of the way. She nodded and continued pass.

“Like I said, we need wine.” Rebekah grabbed some from the kitchen then we retreated back to Rebekah’s room to get ready.

“I think you should wear your hair down.” Rebekah said as she did she finished styling hers off her neck.

“I think I wanna pull the front back.” I pulled the front of my hair back clapping it in the back then adding beaded hairpins.

“Alright, dress, then the makeup.” Rebekah smiled handing me my dress. I nodded and took the dress into the bathroom to change. The dress I had gotten was mint green with a simple long bottom, the top going over the shoulder with a lace pattern.

“Beautiful.” Rebekah smiled as I came out.

“Thanks.” I swallowed. She already had on a shimmering gold dress with her hair in a braided fashion.

“You look stunning as usual.” I smiled lightly.

“Well I try.” She smiled picking up her make up bag, “well come on, sit down.” I sat down in the chair and Rebekah began to help me with my makeup.

“What if I just stay up here?” I looked at myself in the mirror.

“You said earlier that this was something you had to do.” Rebekah began on her own makeup.

“I was just trying to convince myself to go down the stairs… it’s not working.” I set my head in my hands.


“I don’t want to do this.” I sighed.

“You’ll be fine.” Rebekah tried to reassure me, “we just have to get through the…ceremony.”
Swallowing I lifted me head, “I just have to get through day…” I whispered.

“Rebekah, (Y/n), they’re ready.” Klaus’s voice came with a knock on the door.

“Yeah. Coming.” I got up slowly and opened the door.

“You two look stunning.” He smiled.

“So kind Nic.” Rebekah smiled and walked past him. He held out his hand to me, I took it gratefully. We didn’t say anything as we made it to where the ceremony was being held in the center of the house. Chairs and people filled the room. Witches, Vampires, even some Werewolves had shown up. We walked to the front and sat in chair on the right of the room. Elijah stood at the front. I glanced up at him, he looked a little nervous. Suddenly music began and everyone stood up as the bride to be began to walk down the aisle. I felt my stomach flip as I saw her smile at Elijah. He nodded to her…I swore he glanced over at me. We all sat down, and the priest began to speak. I could feel my heart beat faster.

“Are you alright love?” Klaus questioned quietly.

“I don’t know…” I answered, “I-I need to leave. I’m sorry.”
He nodded as I got up and tried to quietly walk out of the service from the side of the room.

The whole room let out a gasp. I stopped and turned around to see Elijah staring at me.

“Stop.” He spoke again looking right at me, then back at Cleo, “I’m sorry I can’t do this.” Cleo looked at him confused.

“Elijah.” Klaus stood up trying to stop him.

“I’m not doing this Niklaus.” Elijah told him sternly, “find another way.”
I watched as he walked straight over to me.

“I love you (Y/n), and the only person I ever want to marry is you.“ He breathed grabbing my hand and pulling me closer.

“I love you too.” I smiled leaning up setting my lips to his.

“Always and forever.” He smiled against the kiss.

Here Comes The Bride

Prompt: “I fell in love with my best friend.”

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Luke Alvez x Reader

As you stood looking the mirror with JJ and Garcia stood behind you, both of them in the tight, blue, heart-lined neck dresses. You ran your hands down your beautiful white dress letting out a deep breath as you did.

“Y/N. You look absolutely stunning.” Your father says as he walks through the door. You turn around to face your father watching his eyes water seeing his youngest daughter finally ready to have the biggest day of her life. You walk towards your father immediately hugging him trying not to cry. 

“Are you ready Y/N?” JJ says as she opens the door ready to walk out finally down the isle as your maid on honour. You nod your head as your suddenly lost for words. You watch your closest friends walk out of the door and you finally realise it’s your turn. You walk out with your father at your side. You look straight forward feeling your hairs rise looking at your partner at the end of the isle. Luke turns around once the music begins to see you walking down the isle with your father at your side. His eyes start to water and he realises that this is the moment when you become his wife. You’ve been friends for years and together for nearly just as long, you two being together almost instantly. He always waited for this day but it’s been better than he’s ever imagined. Without fully realising it you’re standing in front of him.

“Can we please all be seated.” The priest starts to  speak. As the priest begins to talk through the bible verses Luke just stares at your beauty. His literally soon to be wife. His mouth starts to twitch and his hairs stand on end. You keep staring at Luke as the priest is talking and all you can do it smile. This person stood in front of you is the person you love with your whole heart and you couldn’t be happier than you are right now. 

“And now is time to hear the beloveds’ vows. We will start with Luke.” The priest says motioning with Luke. Luke grabs your hands lightly and stares in your eyes as he starts to talk.

“Y/N. Well here we are. After all of Garcia’s excessive planning to your panicking about where people will sit or what music will play ect. I couldn’t be happier than I am right now. You are the light of my life and with everything that happens with our life I’m glad your my rock to help me with everything. When I come home from a case with you by my side all I can do is relax knowing that will all the horrors we see every day we still see in beauty in each other and the love that can be in our lives. I couldn’t do any of this without you and you’re everything I’ve ever searched for. You’re the love of my life and I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with you. I fell in love with my best friend. And I couldn’t be happier.”


@ragweed98 thank you for helping me with this.

@dontshootmespence @spencerdamnreid @spencerdamnreid2 Hi moms

anonymous asked:

Weasal lets you sleep with priest!lexa only once a month.

Priest!Lexa lives in our bedroom and currently resides on a chair that faces our bed. Weasal hasn’t set any ground rules about me sleeping with her, as we feel it’s more a mutual decision between the 3 of us. We’ll all sleep together when Priest!Lexa decides to bless us with her presence (I may have slept with Lexa when Weasal was out, but that’s just between us, OK anon?)

hearthstone devs: we love all classes equally. mage, priest, shaman, paladin, rogue, *squinting* dude, highmane, wario, and uhhhh *squints close* wicket

Some of the worst decisions our party has made over the last seven months:

-Our priest attacked a guard unprovoked. During the resulting fight, our mage tried to teleport on top of a guard and was speared through the stomach. He almost died, the man we were trying to arrest got away, and we failed our mission. Our first mission.

-We asked a guy to tell us our fortune. Shards of metal came out of his skin and he died. I mean…that wasn’t exactly our fault…..right?

-We encountered a creepy goat that stared at us unblinkingly. The priest tried to exorcise it. He found himself being choked by green strands of light until I convinced the goat not to kill him.

-The mage used electricity magic while we were standing in a sewer. We were all electrocuted, and the priest ended up unconscious, face down in sewage. He drowned because the mage didn’t know CPR.

-Faced with an enemy mage attacking an innocent scientist, our Ranger grabbed both of them and teleported back to HQ. Our boss had to punch a hole through the enemy mage’s stomach to stop him from killing everyone.

-I was literally a split second away from opening a door that would unleash the devil and bring about the end of the world. I changed my mind at the last second.

-We were sent to get a man to sign a piece of paper. When we arrived in the mysterious city, our mage pissed off a bystander by asking stupid questions. That bystander turned to be the man whose signature we needed. We eventually got him to sign the paper. It was then revealed that we had gotten him to sign his soul away to a demon. Meanwhile, the archer almost got arrested for assaulting the mage.

-We ended up in a world where all of the mage’s attempts at magic just made sand appear. A few minutes after this was established, he forgot about it and tried to heal someone. He just dumped sand all over their wounds.

-The mage tried to start a car using magic. He doesn’t know how to do that. The car exploded and he almost died.

-We were arrested by our own allies on suspect of treason. They cuffed us and stuck inhibitors in the back of our necks to keep us from teleporting away. The mage made his explode. On purpose. We all got knocked out and lost half our inventories.

-In the aftermath of a bombing, the archer ended up with dangerous pieces of wood embedded in his back. The mage decided to heal him without extracting the wood. The skin grew over the pieces of wood and now they were being slowly pushed through his body towards his spine. We’re still not sure if he’ll survive.

-The Roman we failed to arrest in our first mission returned and had us at gunpoint in an alleyway. We were considering surrendering and trying to escape later. The Ranger filled a bag with two sticks of dynamite and four bottles of whiskey, lit it on fire, and threw it at the Roman. The alley exploded. We all rolled impossibly low for strength and luck. The DM made us choose “odds or evens” and rolled a d100 to see if the entire party would be killed. Miraculously, we managed to survive. The Ranger almost killed the entire party ten minutes into the session. We had a 50/50 chance of survival.

-The Ranger had a bone shard impaled in his stomach. He yanked it out and part of his intestine came out with it. He just sort of…stuck in back in.

-I tried to teleport us “as far away from the fire as possible.” We ended up seven worlds away.

-Turns out none of us has had the common sense to collect paychecks after our missions. Seven months of hard-earned gold, down the drain.

It Has Always Been Forever - Part 15

Previous Chapters :)

Part 15.

 As simple a wedding as Claire wanted, she hadn’t realized just how much went into planning one. With a constant stream of calls and texts from Jenny with lists of menus, guests and invitation designs, available dates, dresses; with her work schedule and all, Claire’d been ready to head straight for City Hall and be done with it. But it had been important to Jamie, so she bit back any objections she had and finally just defaulted everything - but the dress - to Jenny to sort out.

“All we need is a priest, a church and each other, and I’d be satisfied,” she told Joe during a quick lunch break. “But even small weddings need some fanfare, I suppose.” She pawed uninterestedly at her salad while discreetly eyeing Joe’s spicy chicken wings and chips, who - noticing her insistent glances, sighed and switched their plates - much to Claire’s appreciation.

“It can’t be that bad! Is there nothing about the whole thing that’s got you buzzed?” He asked, and seeing her cheeky smirk, added, “Apart from the honeymoon!”

She thought for a moment, there hadn’t been much either Jenny or Jamie had told her about their traditions - most sounded old fashioned, but awfully beautiful. And of course, there would be a fair bit of drinking involved after. “Jamie said the ceremony is done both in English and Gaelic, but other than that, it was pretty much a standard ceremony. His sister recited some of the Gaelic ones for me the other day. There was one vow though - that isn’t really practiced anymore actually, sounded rather incredible. I asked her if she could teach it to me so I could surprise him. But my Gaelic is - as of yet - atrocious!”

“So you won’t exchange your on own vows, then?” He asked, curious. Joe had never been to a Scottish wedding before and was thoroughly looking forward to attending this one.

“I thought of it, but the moment I heard this one and its meaning - its really old - it just felt… Right.” She smiled. As much as she found the whole process somewhat tedious, she couldn’t deny the gratifying summersault her stomach did at the mere thought of becoming Jamie’s wife, and he her husband.

“There is one other thing I do really want.” She eyed Joe as he picked his way around the spinach in the salad and answered her with a distracted “Mmm?”

“I want you to be my maid of honor.”

His face went through an extraordinary sequence of emotions at once. From blank confusion, to dubiousness, to finally dawning excitement. “You serious, LJ? I mean, I wouldn’t wanna step on anyone’s toes, and from what you’ve said about his sister…”

“Yes I am serious. No you won’t step on anyone’s toes. And it was her idea I pick a maid of honor. Someone special to me. And Joe, you are! If it wasn’t for you switching your shifts with me whenever I asked - and even when I didn’t - I wouldn’t have had nearly as much time with Jamie as I have. You’ve been my best friend, my cheerleader, my confidant, my chicken wing peddler, ever since you started here. Do me the honor and privilege of walking me down the aisle and stand by me as I marry the man of my heart?”

He stood and opened his arms, gesturing for her to join him in a hug, which she did gladly.

“Guess this means,” he said into her shoulder, “I’m gonna have to meet this man of yours, finally.”


Jamie watched as Murtagh wandered around the apartment randomly picking things up and putting them down. It wasn’t his first time there, in fact, since Jamie had moved in with Claire, Murtagh had been over more times than he could count. But his gruff godfather hadn’t been relaxed now, since Jamie had asked him.

“And yer sure, lad?” Murtagh asked for the hundredth time.

“Aye, we both are! Ye know Claire’s come to love ye like her own. She wants this as much as I do,” Jamie replied, watching as Murtagh did yet another lap of the flat.

Murtagh had always known about Jamie’s feelings for Claire, but could never understand them. Jamie after all, had never interacted with her. Yet, when the time came, Murtagh had quite readily accepted her. He and Claire had quickly become connected - or rather Murtagh bonded with her easier than he did other people - over not just Jamie, but on a number of other (to Jamie, at least) random topics. He’d even walked in on them once in the midst of an extremely heated discussion about The Great British Bake-off. Murtagh comfortably slotted into their lives, even freely coming and going into their flat as he pleased - though after a few unfortunately and terribly timed visits on his part (catching Claire and Jamie in more or less the buff on a number of occasions), had taken to knocking whenever he came over, and on occasion, calling ahead of time.

Now, Jamie sat patiently waiting for an answer. He and Claire had discussed it and had quickly and in unison come to the same conclusion. They knew the man he was and there’d been in no doubt whatever.

“So what d’ye say, a goistidh? Will ye do us the honor of being godparent to our bairn?” Jamie asked once again.

“And what of yer sister and her man? Surely they’re better suited-”

“Jenny and Ian will mind our bairns as well, nay worry, but ‘tis ye we choose to stand wi’ us all when time comes. We want all of our family wi’ us. And ye, a goistidh, are our family too. Always.”

He saw his godfather blushed slightly and mumble a gruff ‘mmmph’ at his words. Finally, Murtagh nodded, then cringed as Jamie engulfed him in a bear hug.


“What did Murtagh say,” Claire said, as she stroked the damp hair from Jamie’s face, where it lay, cheek pressed against her chest. She smiled down her nose at him and saw the curve of his cheek as he grinned, his finger tracing her belly button, then down hip bone and thigh. Both of them not a little out of breath.

They hadn’t much time to speak when she got home - Jamie being of one thought alone, had picked her up and marched to the bedroom, without so much as a ‘by your leave’. She’d worked a double shift the day before, and even though she was exhausted, she always seemed to have energy to spare when it came to Jamie.

“Let me take a quick bath first, Jamie.” She said her chin perched on his shoulder.

“No,” he’d always reply, definitely. 

Gently putting her on the bed, he began the slow process of carefully undressing her. She never objected to this, seeing as how he always started at her feet - knowing how long she had to stand, he meticulously massaged his way up her body from feet to scalp, taking off whatever clothes hindered his progress. And when he was done using his hands, started using his tongue - kissing his way from her forehead to the soles of her feet, then lightly back up her inner thighs.

“Oh,” Claire watched soundless starbursts against her shut eyelids. She felt weightless, yet every nerve ending felt delicately raw all at once, sparking waves of sensation coursing through her body. She writhed uncontrollably, but was held in place as she spasmed. She lay trembling, ears ringing, having no recollection whatsoever of him undressing. She came to herself when she felt her knees nudged apart once more, crying out involuntarily as he delicately slid home, sensitive skin notwithstanding.

He took a deep, satisfying breath, enjoying the scent of her; her skin flushed from lovemaking. “Murtagh didna - well, no - he couldna say so much as nod. Oh and if the bairn is as ‘hard-heided as his Da,’ then he ‘reserves the right to rescind his station’.” He laughed, his breath tickling her bare skin. “He was very touched, Sassenach,” he kissed her on her tummy. “What of Joe?”

“He said yes too, but he’d kind of like to meet you before the ceremony so I set up a dinner with the four of us. I hope you don’t mind,” she teased, running her fingers down his back.

“Of course I don’t mind! Wait… Four?” he said, lifting his head up to look at her.

“Oh, yeah! Joe’s married.”

Heaven Forbids (Mature) - One Shot

This is an extract from a fic I wrote a long time ago, this is for Diana, and because in times like this one, we could all use some priest Killian. Forgive me father, because I have sinned, this is a smutty one with priest Killian under the rain. Thanks to Montana for betaing faster than lightening.

Smut, Priest!Killian, during the curse.

Summary: Killian walks on Graham and Emma kissing and he gets extremely jealous, happens what happens.


“You have no right to be mad at me! You hear me, Jones?! No right!” Emma yelled at him, not caring a second for the rain pouring; her hair was a mess and God knew how much she didn’t care.

Oh yes God knew so fucking well about this crazy situation.

“What’s your fucking problem, father Jones?” Emma said the words like they were poison on her tongue, and she didn’t care for a second if he was hurt or if she was using his title even after he had told her over and over again to call him by his name.

Graham had just kissed her, and Killian had happened to pass by them, Emma still pushing away the sheriff, before turning on her heel to see Killian walking away from her.

How dare he?

And how lucky she was, the rain had starting to pour. “Stop running away from me!” Grabbing his arm she forced him to look back, the look on his face leaving her breathless.

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