After the fa cup final and the ucl final, I’m going to take a month (and a bit) long hiatus for ramadan. I hope you all have a lovely summer and enjoy your safe for work dashboards! I wish my fellow Muslims a great and safe Ramadan. I’ll miss you all.😘😘😘
"let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!" said robespierre, cutting everybody's heads off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.
you could make a rel— no, don't.
now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let's go on land! "nope, can't walk yet. and there's no food yet, so I don't care"
tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing: bronze. made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land. i dunno, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it.
get the hell out of here. will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? okay, thanks, bye
♫the sun is a deadly laser♫
some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and ♫the ocean is full of plastic!♫
hi, i'm a member of the roman empire, and i was wondering ♫is loving jesus legal yet?♫
"Wait!" said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack. "if the world is round, let's go this way to india"
who's the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying. you could make a religion out of this.
oh, fuck, now everything's dead
some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. ♫space dust!♫ which allows for newer and more interesting stars to be made, and then die and explode into ♫even crazier space dust!♫
hi, you're on a rock floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it's water. fuck it. actually, most of it's water. i can't even get from here to there without buying a boat. it's sad. i'm sad. i miss you.
I've seen it vaguely touched upon, but has anyone ever gotten really indepth about how we advance, not as a need, but as a competitive factor? Like with even NASA and whatever we were like "hey we're gonna make it to space before you losers" and the others were like "heck no we're gonna get there before you losers" and it just permeates every factor of our lives ask any child who plays a game and even they'll be pumped to win
Necessity is the parent of progress, the pamphlet had said. It was supposed to be a human saying, but as Vossavangen looked upon the mess the ships humans had made, xe realised how wrong this statement was. As per usual, humans made very little sense. Apparently, it had all started with one of the humans saying they could fix the fuel intakes of the small utility ships (which were working fine, mind you) before and better than another human.
Apparently this was a ‘bet’ - a word that didn’t really translate to Vossavangen’s native language. A lot of the words spoken in the following argument didn’t translate, and those who did seemed strangely fixated around referring to the other human as genitalia. At the time it hadn’t seemed like it would bring much trouble. Like most normal human behaviour it was best to let it play out on its own and let the humans deal with it.
Well, that was what xe had thought then, but less than one rotation later the floor of the room the humans called the garage was filled with tools and pieces of engines. It was a disaster, and Vossavangen had no idea how to explain it to xir superiors.
Talking to the humans had proven futile, but by some miracle both the utility ships they’d been ‘tinkering’ on were fully operational eleven rotations later - less than half a rotation before High Command was supposed to inspect the area. The work space was far from tidy, but the humans had decided that one party would clean for all of them. Which it would be depended on who had brought the biggest improvements to the ships.
Vossavangen was less than optimistic, but xe tested the utility ships none the less. Shockingly, it seemed the human engineers and mechanics had managed to on one of the ships cut fuel use with almost forty percent, while on the other they had substituted the need for traditional fuel altogether for food waste.
After the incident, it became common knowledge that the best ways to get a human to work efficiently was to say they either wouldn’t be able to do it, or that someone else could do it better than them.