we're not gonna talk about the problems i had with this one

Hogwarts Headcannons
  • Give me Dean, muggleborn that he is, imitating Steve Irwin in Care of Magical Creatures class, much to everyone's confusion except for Harry and Hermione who are. On the ground. Unable to breathe. And refusing to explain why.
  • Give me Harry, demisexual that he is, realizing that the reason he can't stop obsessing over Draco is because Draco is the one who saw - and subsequently disliked - 'Harry', and not The Boy Who Lived. Realizing that Draco was the only one to first talk to him for HIM, in that robe shop, and not his parents or fame (because even Ron and Hermione did that at first). And thus, leading to him randomly starting crying in the middle of lunch and claiming he's doomed, much to everyone's fear.
  • Give me Seamus, pyro that he is, super happy one Christmas when Hermione buys him a book on fire caution, flammable materials, and elements such as magnesium. Thus afterward, the mysterious fires that have always happened are far more safe and controlled.
  • Give me Luna, wonderful airhead that she is, being stared at as, calm as anything, she waltzes right into the Slytherin common room and starts talking to the mermaids like its absolutely normal. A first year drops a book he's staring so hard, because HOW DID SHE KNOW THE PASSWORD. Draco just sighs, gets up, goes over to her, and offers her tea.
  • Give me Draco. Who looks on as Neville offers Harry rhubarb pie that he made himself, as Harry stares forlornly at his Treacle Tart, and makes and annoyed sound. "Dammit Longbottom he hates bittersweets." The Slytherins stare and Pansy just mutters "How do you even know these things. Merlin, help him realize."
  • Give me Parvati, who is being constantly mistaken for her sister by Ron, who panics and screams "IM A LESBIAN" when it gets to be too much.
  • Give me Ron, who stares wide-eyes from a distance whenever he sees Padma from that moment on for a full week, until Padma flips out too and hexes him. Parvati awkwardly wonders why Ron starts getting scared whenever she tries to approach from then on, since she knows Ron doesn't have problems due to that sort of thing from how he handles Harry.
  • Give me the thirty or so of the school's Muggle-raised, who made the mistake of showing their folks howlers, and react accordingly whenever one of the families sends one that is just a recording of Rick Astley, or High School Musical, or spoilers for Doctor Who. And the Wizard-raised just... staring... in fear... watching their savior and multiple other students as they run around screaming and crying in an absolute panic for some reason even though it was a different student that got the weird howler.
  • Give me Harry, whose hair surprises people by being dark red like his mother's when in direct sunlight. And usually at the Weasley den they're inside, but one day Harry joins them outside for a picnic, and Molly is so confused about where Harry went to then has do do a mental tally of her children.
  • Give me George, who in the midst of the final battle, hit Lucius with an Anaticula curse, so that every spell he tries makes a duck instead. And the Death Eaters are just so confused. "Lucius... is that a duck?"
  • Give me the Gryffindor common room. The new first years suggest Monopoly for game night. The entire room goes dead silent. One first year tries to ask what they did wrong. "Never mention that game again," is the only response they get. "But why-" "NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR. WE NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR." Their brave upperclassman Neville yells, trembling. Hermione starts crying. Harry goes into a panic attack. Ron whispers, "There are many reasons we don't talk about sixth year. If The Incident had been the only thing that happened, we would only not talk about The Incident. Many things happened that year. Thus, we do not speak of that year, or of that game."
  • Give me McGonagall, who struggles to control the cat population, because while students are told to have their cats fixed you know not all 100 students that brought cats did so. Her curling up around a litter that lost their mother to illness. Training them to stalk the corridors. Albus had his ways of getting information, and hers is the spy network of cats.
  • Give me muggleborns singing everything from Phantom of the Opera to Katy Perry in the corridors. Singing We Will Rock You to a pureblood who disses them for it. The purebloods thinking the weird songs and their tunes are some kind of Rite of Passage and fleeing whenever a muggleborn student starts singing. Altering song lyrics. "I throw my ferret in the air some-times, singin EEEEEEEYO, this is DRAAAAAACO!"
  • Give me muggleborns that are really confused about the whole quill instead of pens things, throwing transfigured pokeballs in Care of Magical Creatures, the band students bringing kazoos and harmonicas and the wizrd-raised students that are just so confused as to how those things even work, because it must be some sort of air magic, right??
  • Give me muggleborns making entire conversations out of pop culture references specifically to confuse some Slytherin who just called one girl a Mudblood. "These are not the droids you were looking for." "I'm right on top of that now Rose, I promise." -jazz hands-
  • Give me muggleborns with Patronus that are things like Pikachu, velociraptors, the quiet Canadian transfer student with a moose patronus the size of a SMALL HOUSE, the one whose is a angeled-out Castiel, the one whose patronus is the democrat donkey and another the republican elephant and the two, previously best friends, become mortal enemies rivaling the fame of Harry and Draco.
  • Give me muggleborns hugging each other before break, promising to 'call' each other, trading weird codes, how they can't wait to go for 'sushi' or planning that trip together to 'disneyland' where they can go flying?? But no one's allowed magic?? Or flying?? And the wizard-raised think that somehow, shockingly,<i> these children totally new to our world have developed a way to cheat the system?? Muggleborns are badasses!!</i>
  • Give me muggleborns who are fully aware that the anti-tech wards were made when, like, radios barely even existed, much less cellphone towers and microprocessors, so while they can't turn them on inside the stone school walls there's this group that Harry joins constantly that just sit there in silence staring at these tiny things and sometimes randomly laughing hysterically, and every now and then standing and just running all the way across to the other side of the lake all at the same time with no signal whatsoever. The purebloods are <i>terrified</i> of this frequent happening.
  • Give me Harry, Hermione, Dean, and Justin from the D.A, muggleborns they are, doing a movie night every week to help the D.A. relax and bond. They re-start this after the battles, during eighth year, with several other people such as the returned Slytherins joining in. The entire year they play things like Tangled, The Breakfast Club, Brave, Lion King. But then the last four weeks, they announce they don't want to mislead everyone that everything is all fun and rainbows. The last four movies are My Sister's Keeper, The Shining, Marley and Me, and for the last week, a marathon of the entire Jurassic Park series.
  • Give me Hufflepuffs, who secretly are very relieved to be the 'normal' House. Jocks over there, know-it-alls over there, goth wannabees over there, now lets go camp out by the kitchens we're gonna need it to survive the next seven years like this.
  • Give me Ravenclaws who are so done with the riddles when they stumble back at midnight after having fallen asleep in the Library. "What's the truth?" "THE TRUTH IS THAT I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN."
  • Give me the Trio, who use the Marauder's Map to find the most absolutely ridiculous routes to class, knowing every single one of the shortcuts. It's not odd for them to simply appear out of the ceiling. One day the new first years try to follow them, to learn the school better, but it doesn't go so well because then they try to go through a disappearing wall the Trio just did they instead run headfirst into it, and the next time they do behind a tapestry, down a waterside, around some sort of tower, causally past an entire doorless room full of bats, and somehow come out on the complete other side of the castle.
  • Give me Draco whose just completely had it with Harry's staring and confronts him, like they always do, and Harry just blurts out that he likes Draco's new haircut and can he touch his hair, and Draco so shocked he lets him. "Potter stop treating me like a cat I'm evil remember? Bloody hell have you gone daft?!" "But... it's soft..." "I hate you." But he just can't find any anger over this, so there's like no venom whatsoever in it and Harry can't stop giggling.
  • Give me Ginny, who can't stop giggling as Luna confuses the fuck out of an entire crowd with her way of speaking, and who during seventh year could 100% get away with insulting the Death Eaters because of the way she said things. Who after Luna used said tactic to get her out of a Crucio punishment just clung to Luna, shaking, and realizing that she loves Luna so much for this very reason. That there will never be another person like Luna in her life, ever.
  • Give me Harry, who was not really well educated while living at the Dursleys, who couldn't read very well but was wonderful at sneaking around, little tricks like hiding things, and loved music. He taught himself magic tricks, and MERLIN ALMIGHTY THIS 11 YEAR OLD KID HAS MASTERED VANISHING SPELLS, WHAT, HOW, and Percy, uptight prefect he is, just looses it.
  • Give me Ron walking in on Harry talking to some random snake in their dorm room, laughing like the snake said a particularly good joke, tipping his head and smiling as he responds, the python slowly curling up his arm to rest over his shoulder. Ron freezes, stares, and then slowly backs away, closes the door and stands there staring at it for a full half hour in absolute horror.
  • Give me the rest of the D.A. walking into the Room of Requirement and hearing screaming, Dean shrieking that he's going to murder someone, Hermione crying, Justin cursing like a sailor yelling for everyone to stop, and the rest panic and run around the corner and there the four Muggle-raised students are. With some sort of odd device in their hands. Playing Mario Kart.

anonymous asked:

I really want an angsty fic where Alex gets fed up with Maggie's constant flirting when SHES the one that turned her down. J'onn makes Maggie drop Alex off at home and she tries to give her a glass of water and take care of her, but Alex can't take it when Maggie WONT leave and the glass shatters in her hand but she doesn't even notice because she's livid, livid that Maggie keeps reopening the wound with flirting and constant reminders that "we're FRIENDS Danvers" so, Alex tells her all of this

She rejected her.

She rejected her because she doesn’t like her like that, but she still wants pool tomorrow night.

She rejected her because she doesn’t want her, and it hurts more than it did the first time she got shot without a vest on, but she still wants to flirt and she still wants to touch the small of her back and she still wants to smile at her and melt her from the inside out and she still wants to let Alex catch her staring at her lips over her beer bottle, over her shot glass.

She rejected her, but she still wants to flirt with her, all the while saying they’re friends, friends, friends – looking at her like she wants to strip her then and there, talking to her like she’s about to kiss her, touching her gentle and subtle like they’re dating, laughing too loud and leaning too close but they’re friends, friends, friends – and it’s driving Alex out of her mind.

It’s driving Alex out of her mind because goddamn does she want her.

She wants her, but Maggie made it clear – too clear, painfully clear, clear like a shard of glass driving into her heart and twisting, twisting, twisting – that she doesn’t want her back.

But she’s driving Alex home because J’onn had to head back to the DEO and he trusts this woman with his daughter – trusts her, because he understands much more than Alex does, the real reasons Maggie rejected her. 

Protectiveness. Care. 

Genuine desire buried under genuine fear of causing Alex pain.

“I don’t need your help, Maggie,” Alex slurs slightly, and Maggie furrows her brow at the frustration, the anger, breaking through the surface of Alex’s words.

“It’s no problem, Danvers. What are friends for?” Maggie asks, and Alex rolls her eyes but slumps against the window of the passenger seat, because at least the glass is cool, unlike her body, burning with alcohol, with rage, with confusion, with raw, desperate want.

When she helps her out of the car and into the elevator, Alex hisses because Maggie’s arm around her waist makes her feel safe, loved, wanted.

Which, apparently, she’s not. Wanted.

But she thinks she hears Maggie’s breath hitch at their contact, and it makes her want to scream.

She holds it in until they’re in her apartment, until she tries to leave Maggie at the doorway.

“Alex, you’re really trashed. Please, just let me get you a glass of water, okay?”

Alex huffs and she staggers toward the couch, tossing her hands out behind her aggressively.

“Sure. Do whatever you want, Maggie. It’s what you do anyway, isn’t it?”

Maggie furrows her brow and she flinches like she’s been smacked, but she purses her lips and grabs a glass from the cabinet, filling it in the sink while she watches Alex with careful, scared, sad eyes.

“Here sweetie,” she murmurs absently as she crosses the room and presses the glass into Alex’s hand. “Drink all of it.”

Her voice is warm and her touch is tender and her eyes are so damn loving.

And Alex can’t take it. 

She lets the glass slip from her grasp, crash to the floor, because she’s broken glasses in her hand before, and she’s not in the mood to clean up that kind of mess.

“Whoa Danvers,” Maggie pushes her back gently so none of the shards get on her feet, and it’s that instinctive act of concern, that genuine movement of love, is what breaks Alex.

What lets how livid she is flow out of her body, out of her lips, and straight into Maggie’s skin.

“No! No, you don’t get to be protective of me, Maggie.”

“Alex, what – we’re friends, Alex, what – “

“No, Maggie. We’re not friends. You keep saying that, saying we’re friends, but Maggie, but you damn sure don’t act like it. You’re always flirting and you’re always looking at me like you want me, so what is it, Maggie? Is it the thrill of keeping me wild about you? Flirt with me constantly, even after you rejected me, made it clear that you don’t want me, to make sure I stay hopeful, stay completely yours? Is that what it is, Maggie? Because if it’s not, I don’t know what – “ 

She staggers and she stumbles and Maggie doesn’t hesitate to catch her.

Alex shirks out of her grasp.

“Well?” she demands.

“You’re wrong, Alex.” Her voice is soft and her voice is terrified. Her voice is strained and her voice is firm. “You’re wrong about why I said we shouldn’t be together. You’re wrong. You’re wrong about thinking I don’t want you. Because I do. Want you.”

Alex’s breath hitches and Maggie’s pupils dilate and tears threaten to stain Alex’s cheeks. 

“But that’s not something we’re gonna discuss while you’re drunk. You know what we’re gonna discuss right now?”

Alex can’t speak – can barely breathe – so she shakes her head, her eyes wide, open. 

Anger vanished. 

Humility and hope in its place.

“What are we gonna discuss right now?” she asks, her voice apologetic, her eyes soft.

Maggie smiles gently. 

“We’re gonna discuss where your pajamas are, so you can get changed. And we’re gonna discuss where your toothbrush is, so you can brush your teeth. And we’re gonna negotiate how many glasses of water you’re gonna drink before you go to sleep.”

“And then?” Alex asks, licking her lips, her eyes drifting down to Maggie’s lips.

Maggie shakes her head. “And then you’re gonna point me in the direction of an extra blanket, and I’m gonna curl up on the couch while you sleep in your bed. And if you wake up and need to vomit, you’re gonna wake me so I can help you. And either way, in the morning, I’m gonna take care of you if you’re hungover, and if you’re not, we’ll talk. Okay?”

“Do you always have everything planned out like this, Sawyer?” 

“You gonna tell me a soldier like you doesn’t appreciate it, Danvers?”

Alex grins, now, appreciating the flirtation, now, because maybe, just maybe, Maggie flirts because she likes her back.

anonymous asked:

If i remember correctly, a couple of months back somebody asked you about bruce and jason; if they'd ever have a normal, deep conversation addressing their problems. How it'd go? I mean... do they maybe find themselves at a bar after some very peculiar set of events? We're never gonna get a truthful conversation with those two so i'm relying heavily on you to satisfy my curiosity. You're free to make me ache all over from the pain since you can do that well. :D

“If you wanted to watch the game with me, you could’ve just invited me to the manor,” Jason says as he opens the door to the bar. Better food, less drama, and more comfortable seats make Gotham Knights on the 200" batscreen more real and enjoyable than actually being at the stadium. There’s something to be said about the occasional bat flying past your head, but you get used to it. The alternative is some greasy guy’s saliva sprayed all over your hair while he’s screaming to some player to stop dragging his feet.

Keep reading

We're Going to be Okay, Aren't We?

Can you do an imagine where you and Shawn are spending time together and his ex pops up with his unknown kid and leaves the kid? So then you begin to question whether he cheated or not and such? Just something sad with a fluffy ending :)

Hey, so hopefully I’ve got the idea right with this imagine ☺ enjoy!

***

‘Okay, honestly, why did she walk out trying to look for him? He’s gonna end up killing her and it’s her own damn fault!’ I grumbled, stuffing my mouth with popcorn, hearing Shawn snort beside me, letting out a chuckle.

'You get way to into these movies. They’re all fake.’

'Oh, hush up.’ I threw a piece of popcorn at his cheek, making him slowly close his eyes, trying to hold back a smile.

He was about to reply before there was a knock at his apartment door. I frowned, licking my bottom lip as I turned my head to the door.

'Are you expecting anyone?’ I asked, staring back at my boyfriend.

'No…’ he dragged out, just as confused. He stood up, slowly walking to the door. He opened it, blocking my view of the person who was on the outside of it.

'Bridget…’ my eyes widened, knowing that was one of his ex-girlfriends. Shawn was always honest about his past relationships so that I didn’t hear anything from anyone else. He was always truthful about everything and that’s why I loved him.

'Shawn…’

I slowly stood up from the sofa, pulling my hoodie down, peeking my head around to see Bridget, along with a little girl holding her hand. My eyes widened, looking at the child, seeing a lot of Shawn.

'What are you doing here?’ He asked, looking down at the little girl, 'Who’s that, Bridget?’

Bridget sighed, looking down at the little girl. 'This is Addie, she’s - she’s your daughter, Shawn.’

My hand flew to my mouth, shock entering my whole body. Shawn had a child and didn’t tell me about it? Unless he didn’t know…

'What? Bridget, don’t play me like this right now.’

'I wouldn’t joke about this Shawn.’ She argued.

'Um…’ I spoke up for the first time, making both of their heads turn back to me. 'How about I take Addie and you guys can…talk.’ I sighed, stepping forward.

Bridget walked into the apartment, Shawn closing the door. He looked at me with no emotion, making me slightly nervous. Bridget let go of Addie’s hand, leading her to me. I smiled at the small brown, curly headed girl. She looked up at me with the same dark chocolate brown orbs that Shawn had.

I watched them walk into the kitchen, making me sigh as I picked up the little girl, sitting on the sofa with her on my lap.

'Hello Addie,’ I smiled, making her giggle. I chuckled, grabbing her small hands, making small cute movements with them. She laughed, making me grin at her.

So many thoughts went through my mind, thinking about if Shawn had been fully truthful to me. Did he know? Did he cheat on me?

What if he cheated?

I felt the smile fall from my face, watching Addie copy my facial expression. I studied her, knowing she was definitely Shawn’s daughter. Of course, he’ll need to have a DNA test to prove it, but just looking at Addie, I knew.

I could hear shouting coming from the kitchen, it getting louder before I saw Bridget storming for the door. 'You can’t leave her here with me, Bridget! I have a career!’

'Well that’s just too bad, Shawn! Did you think I wanted her?’ I gasped, hearing Addie starting to cry in my arms. How could a mother not want her own child? I stood up, letting her head rest in my neck, my hand rubbing up and down her back.

'Now I know why I broke up with you. Get out.’ Shawn spat, staring at his ex. She huffed, looking at me.

'Have fun with the child.’ With that, she opened the door, slamming it shut behind her.

The room became dead silent, Shawn looking down to the ground, his back facing away from me.

I managed to calm Addie down, hearing her soft snores in my ear. I walked slowly over to Shawn, seeing his head lift up and face me, looking down at his maybe sleeping daughter.

'Y/N…I understand if you want to leave. This…this isn’t you’re problem.’

'Did you cheat?’ I asked softly, looking down at the ground at my feet.

I felt his finger lift my chin up, staring at me with glossy eyes. 'I promise you that I never cheated…I never ever would. I love you and only you.’ He looked down at his daughter, a stray tear falling down his face. 'How do I raise a child? How do I do it with being on tour, travelling, recording music? How can I do this?’

I lifted one of my hands, caressing his cheek. 'You have me here right by your side. You have a family that loves you and will do anything to help you. Trust me that I will be there for you.’ I pulled him down, kissing his lips softly. His hand wrested on my waist, holding me as close as he could.

'Addie…at least it’s a nice name.’ He chuckled, placing a hand on her back.

I looked between him and her, feeling a small smirk grow on my face. 'Did you want to hold her, Shawn?’ I asked.

He slowly nodded, grabbing her from my hold, having her in the same position as she was with me. I watched her cuddle into his neck, making me let out a small “awh”.

'We’re going to be okay, Y/N, aren’t we?’ Shawn whispered, looking at me with hope in his eyes.

I nodded, wrapping an arm around his waist, resting my head on his other shoulder. 'Yeah, we’re going to be okay.’

A little love for the signs (From a Libra sun, Leo moon)
  • Dear Aries: It doesn't matter how dark times are, you are there for me. And I know you will always support me. You can make me happy like no one else can. You can say something that isn't even funny and I have to laugh with you. I could talk all night with you. About anything. You are full of light, full of life. You deserve everything bright.
  • Dear Taurus: Even though I've never really been so close to you to say that, I want you to know that you're worth it. You are beautiful, your smile helps people not to give up. So don't give up on yourself. You're strong and I know you smile through the pain, but it's okay. We all go through that and I wanted to tell you that you're not alone.
  • Dear Gemini: You are funny, you are witty, you always know how to make me laugh. I am inspired by you. You are so sociable, yet you know how to be alone and overthink things. You can do decisions by yourself, you don't hesistate to make the right choice. I admire you for that. Also, your art is beautiful. You are art.
  • Dear Cancer: I know we haven't been best friends. I know we had fights and that you broke my trust too often. But I realized, you are only a human being, just as me. Everyone keeps making mistakes, but no one wants to admit that. I hope for you that you'll be happy in the future. I want you to concentrate more on yourself, not on others because you are you, and no one can be that for you.
  • Dear Leo: Whenever I talk to you, it feels like we understand each other without saying a word. You are passionate and you are optimistic. You are the person I look up to, you brighten everyone's day, yet no one knows if you're dying inside. You are beautiful and you know it. You taught me it's completely fine to love yourself. So do it.
  • Dear Virgo: You're so selfless. You always try to help me, doesn't matter if you understand me or not. I know that sometimes it's hard for you to show that you care about me, but I notice in this little things you do for me that you do care. And that's fine. You're human. It's okay to break down. It's okay to talk to someone. You will get through this all. I'm right here by your side.
  • Dear Libra: I feel like everyone of you is my sister or my brother. You can make me feel special without knowing it. When we're talking about god and the world, it's like I've known you all my life, even if it's just hours. I want you to look at the mirror and say "I'm proud". Be confident. Believe in youself. Only if you try that, no one will stop you from loving yourself and the world.
  • Dear Scorpio: I don't even know where to start. You changed my life. You taught me things in an emotional way I never thought I'd experience. With every wise word you said you took my breath away. It doesn't matter how much time will fly, I will always remember you. You are my first love and you make everything feel so real. Everytime you look at me, I feel special. You taught me how to love someone and I taught you how to love yourself. Be happy. No matter how we're gonna end, I want you to remember us. You deserve the entire universe.
  • Dear Sagittarius: You doubt yourself more than anyone else. You wear that beautiful smile everyday, but inside you don't even know who you are. I have so much fun with you everytime we do something together. Don't let that happiness die. People look up on you. And you have to do your own thing. Don't give a shit what others think. Find out what you need, what you want and what you love. Everything else will come by time.
  • Dear Capricorn: You are one of the stongest yet most broken person I know. Or should I say, pretend to know? You hide your emotions, afraid of being hurt or replaced. I tell you something: There are people who love you and care about you. There is hope. You can have whatever you want in life, if you're just willing to accept your feelings and yourself.
  • Dear Aquarius: Being around you is like jumping from one cloud to another. Everything feels easier. Even maths. Life is easier with you. The weight of all the bad things in life are gone. I don't know how you're able to make me feel like this, but I'm sure it makes you very special and I hope you never stop making people feel like this because it's one of the best feelings ever.
  • Dear Pisces: If I'm sad, I know I can always talk to you. You always have a solution to my problem. Even if it's just a sentence like "It's okay, we will find a way.", it works. It makes me feel better. You're the most selfless person I've ever met and you're always there for your loved ones. Just take care of yourself, too, because your life is as important as the lives of everyone else.
50% OFF starters.
  • "You can't have sex with your neighbor's backyard above-ground pool."
  • "let me help you out of that swimsuit-- POOL."
  • "I sure hope we become best friends! but I don't hope we have a falling out, leading us to have a tense, emotion-heavy, dramatic, competitive, love/hate relationship later on."
  • "so anyways I regain consciousness, there's cops everywhere, (name) is covered in blood, got an icepick-- haha it was kind of a weird tuesday."
  • "we're gonna be late for anime school!"
  • "I'm just saying, is it illegal if I'm in my OWN pool?"
  • "WHAT'S UP SLUTS. GUESS WHO JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON!"
  • "(name) WAS A BITCH-ASS POSER."
  • "oh no, he's hot when he's sad!"
  • "this reminds me of prison. this reminds me of prison. this DEFINITELY reminds me of prison."
  • "look at that little pimp. he's gonna grow up to be a prison ass mothafucka."
  • "let's skip all the fluff and get to the part where we're shirtless."
  • "homeboy looks like shark week, I ain't messin' with that."
  • "It wasn't a dream! We got arrested for trespassing! We went to JAIL!"
  • "Nah, man, we went to holding. there's a big difference."
  • "Yeah now we owe Easter Dave a favor-- that is NOT a position you wanna be in."
  • "Wouldn't we have seen him around by now? I mean he is a bipedal shark-person."
  • "I'VE GOT MACE!"
  • "Was macing us really necessary AFTER you remembered who we were?!?"
  • "you took the fall for me and I said thank you."
  • "I went to jail!"
  • "I spent 6 months at a correctional facility!"
  • "I stabbed a girl in the yard!"
  • "I think that guard you killed had a family!"
  • "look at that majestic ass mothafucka. like a dolphin or some shit. a dolphin with legs... and arms... and a jetpack."
  • "BITCH GET IN THE POOL!"
  • "that's how they do it in Austrailia."
  • "20 bucks on jabber jaws."
  • "hey, man did you Tivo Glee last night?"
  • "I'm not allowed to watch Glee, my dad says it might turn me into something bad. A musical theater major."
  • "Neither one of them even died!"
  • "they won't let me back into sewing club because apparently when I threaten someone with sewing needles it's deemed 'inappropriate' and I 'have to leave'."
  • "I have to tumblr this!"
  • "a guy with emotional issues who swims away his problems? Lady, that's the whole team, you're gonna have to be more specific."
  • "I ship them! and them!"
  • "they hate each other, but they also fuck each other!"
  • "hey we try not to get this part of the gym wet so whatever you're doing is gonna have to stop."
  • "so do you wanna come back to my place, listen to some Dave Matthews and talk about my work out routine?"
  • "I wonder if that stuff I hid is still here? ...nah, cops probably took it."
  • "do you know? do you know for sure? Because I don't need another incident."
  • "If I get out of this chair I guarantee you'll end up in one with wheels."
  • "Ok. I'll admit, I'm a little threatened."
  • "'sup bitches!~"
  • "aren't you that guy who drowned a kid? and burned down that building?"
  • "get back to it before you learn a lesson in post-war, urban torture practices."
  • "Remember, snitches get stitches!"
  • "shut up you're high as balls!"
  • "you're just mad because mom and dad thought you were a girl for the first year of your life."
  • "right, son. and speaking of crushing disappointments-"
  • "coach tried to get me to vandalize a police station again."
  • "good thing I wore my Heelys."
  • "he's so hot but so crazy! which makes him even MORE hot!"
  • "Come on let me get those digits baby!"
  • "It should be illegal to be that fine!"
  • "oh just basic addition and subtraction. he was subtracting from my profits so I'm going to add a few extra holes in him."
  • "this doesn't seem like the time for polka-renditions of Ke$ha songs."
  • "I hate it when you leave but I love watching you go."
  • "Yeah I've seen him. He's in my scrapbook class. He cuts the eyes out of magazine photos."
  • "your arrest record is extensive... and amateur."
  • "the fact that you continue to avoid indefinite incarceration is insanityAND THE FACT THAT OUR LAW ENFORCEMENT CAN'T PUT AWAY SOMEONE WITH SUCH BLATANT DISREGARD FOR CONVENTIONAL CRIMINAL FUNCTION BAFFLES THE MIND."
  • "I want that boy to be my bride!"
  • "Pilates will do that man, works your core."
  • "what are we waiting for? let's go bro! let's gbro!"
  • "wow you sure said that."
  • "WOOP! WOOP! hold it, I'm gonna have to pull you over for exceeding recommended hotness."
  • "One time we went camping in the woods, I just left 'em there. Nobody found them for like 5 days. I don't even think their families cared, kinda sad, really."
  • "So, what you're saying is, if they disappeared, no one would notice?"
  • "well I've gotta go not talk to you anymore."
  • "I learned how to swim the old fashioned way. When I was five my dad took me out to a lake and tossed me right in the water."
  • "I'm so happy right now! --and it's not just cause I get to see you in a bunch of different swimsuits. Ok I lied, I'm sorry, that's mostly the reason."
  • "SHE'S A WITCH! PUSH HER IN THE POOL!"
  • "hey I know you! You helped me smuggle some stuff out of the country! How've you been kid?"
advice for the signs
  • aries: you're full of ideas and they're always amazing! you are so much smarter than you give yourself credit for, even though you try to appear like you're a bit of a daredevil, you don't always like to come too far out of your cozy little comfort zone. but I promise, if you come out a bit more you can experience so many exciting things, and your abilities will make you shine like a star in the night sky.
  • taurus: not only are you are a badass, you're also super cool. if there are any haters its only because they want to be like you - really though. you just have an aura about you that pulls people in and once they get to know you, they don't ever want to get away. people want to overindulge in you, and if that wears you out then take a break and don't feel bad about it, your friends know you'll come back at the end of the day.
  • gemini: you're not a two-faced backstabbing bitch, you are a beautiful person who struggles with having to listen to an angel and a devil on your shoulders all day, which I can only imagine is super tough but you've done an incredible job to even come all this way and you should be so proud of yourself, I know I am. and lets take a moment to appreciate how you can walk into a room and suddenly be everyone's best friend with your natural charm and easy-going nature. you could take a bullet in the chest and your smile won't even falter. you're so determined to get what you want and you're so passionate and just everything you do is admirable. keep going, you rock this world.
  • cancer: if we're being real here, you don't actually cry *that* much. this is what it is - you have so many emotions swirling inside of you and they are like a beautiful storm of bright lights. and you should continue to let that out and share that beauty with everyone! but even with all that, you can be pretty hardcore and you are so strong, inside that whirlpool is a fire than burns bright, you should show people your intense passions as well as your caring side.
  • leo: you are amazing, and everyone around you knows it. if you're being too hard on yourself, lighten up a little because so far you've done everything right. everything happens for a reason, and if you feel guilty or sad about something just remember that your experiences have shaped who you are today - a beautiful, wonderful, magical creature with sparkling eyes, a loving soul and fabulous hair.
  • virgo: you work so hard to be on top of the game and I know how stressful that can be, but trust me when I'm saying that if you're doing the best you can, please don't push yourself any further. I'm sure you know what it feels like to get 3 hours sleep only to just scrape everything in on time, but you're doing just fine and please remember to reach out to your friends and loved ones and talk about how youre feeling. honestly, letting out any negativity makes you feel so, so much better, and you deserve the best.
  • libra: it's not that you're indecisive, you just like to weigh out all the pros and cons of a situation before you go into something - which is such a good idea, and I admire you for that. I bet you wish you had a crystal ball and could see the future to know how your decisions will turn out, huh? but the reality is that you should stop worrying about about the future and live in the moment. if you're not focusing on the present, you won't get to where you want to be in the future, and we definitely don't want to see you somewhere where your talents aren't being showcased.
  • scorpio: your personality is just so magnetic and you're so hypnotic, so many people absolutely adore you and would do anything for you - but sometimes they might not be 100% certain that the feelings are mutual. now, I know you love your friends and family so, so much with a fiercely strong love, but would it kill you to tell people that you love them and how you're feeling sometimes? everyone is here to help you and guide you on your journey to reaching the stars, but you can't build your rocket ship without the help of others.
  • sagittarius: you are incredible and so smart, it actually makes people stop in their tracks when you open your mouth and spout some beautiful, philosophical words of wisdom. or even just opening your mouth to say anything. everything about you is great but I'm not sure you appreciate yourself as much as you should. all the friends you have who love you should be an indication of how great you are. if you don't learn to love yourself, you might not be able to see through and out of your own little bubble and actually notice how much people care about you. because they care so, so much. don't you ever doubt that.
  • capricorn: your motto is work hard and don't take shortcuts, which is amazing and everyone admires you for that. it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to be you, and even if nobody mentions it, everyone is impressed. you're gonna go far, kid. but know that even if you're stuck in a rut right now you just need to jump a little higher and climb out. if you're stressed, talk to someone you trust and just open up and tell them what youre feeling. help them help you, and everything will be okay.
  • aquarius: we're not emotionless, we have a lot of feelings and we just choose not to express them because we're scared of people being overwhelmed by us, and we like to trust someone 100% before we open up. and there is nothing wrong with that. you're so good at listening to people's problems/how they feel and your advice is 10/10, but if you don't take time to talk to people about how you're feeling, you bottle everything up and one day it'll get so full that the lid will burst - and I know you're afraid of letting out all your feelings in one go, I definitely am. the only way around that is to let it out, bit by bit, slowly and over the years, to maintain your composure and sanity. and nobody will see you any different or judge you if you open up to them.
  • pisces: you're passionate, your creativity is out of this world, you're so good at helping people and you don't have a selfish bone in your body. you're always so up for helping people, and that is amazing! you're compassionate like no other, and your ideas are off-the-charts crazy cool. and you're not weak! you are perfectly capable of putting up your barriers, you just like to trust people enough to keep them down a lot of the time. and you're definitely not weak either, you've probably lived through some heartbreaking experiences, and you're still able to walk around with your head up and your heart open. now thats real strength.
All I Can Taste Is This Moment

Anon: “Could I have a vampire! Gerard imagine”


(Y/N)’S POV

In a society where vampires live among humans, there’s bound to be some tension between the two. The former more than likely hated the latter but every group has its stereotype as well as the select few who go against it. Not all vampires were as bad as the rest and not all humans hated vampires. You? Well, you like to say you don’t have an opinion. The vampires don’t bother or harm you and you don’t bother them. Sure, they could kill you at any given moment, but humans have been doing the same to each other forever. These stereotypes led to some vampires keeping themselves secret which obviously only creates more anxiety between the two groups. But again, you really don’t care, as long as they don’t bother you, you won’t bother them. You’d only ever had one bad encounter with vampires and you try to forgive and forget. You forgive because you don’t want to judge an entire species based on what could be an isolated incident. You forget because….well because it was traumatic. Since then you’ve had no problems with them and you’d like to keep it that way. Let people live their lives in peace for god’s sake.

You close your locker and make your way to 4th period. You sit down next to your lab partner, Gerard who was already waiting for you in his seat. He smiles at you as you sit down next to him. Gerard was one of those kids who just doesn’t really bother anyone and floats through the school which is why you two easily made friends. He’s actually you’re only friend. People avoid you almost as much as they avoid vampires but you could care less (though you were super excited to have a friend when Gerard started talking to you). He’s really nice and you guys sometimes talk outside of class. He has come over your house a couple times to work on a project since you’re lab partners. He’s been talking to you more and more often though recently

“Hey, (Y/N).” He says, resting his head in his hand.

“Hey. How was your weekend?” You ask as other students begin to file in.

“Pretty good. You?” He asks to which you reply with a shrug as the teacher walks in and everyone quiets down.

“Alright guys, today we're going to start a project that might take about a week. You’ll have time to work in class today and tomorrow but you and your partner will need to coordinate to finish the rest. You’ll need to research and present in class about one of the topics on the handout that’s being passed around.”

You and Gerard looked at each other and he winked which made you chuckle.

At the end of the period, you pack up your things and start planning with Gerard about the assignment.

“So we gonna go over my house again?” You ask and he shrugs.

“I guess yeah. You’re house is a lot nicer than mine so…” he rubs the back of his neck and gives an embarrassed smile. You just nod and hoist your bag onto your back.

“Alright. Wanna start tomorrow after school?” He nods as you both walk out the door of the classroom.

“Okay. See ya around.” You say as you part ways. He waves as he starts walking down the hall, away from you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s Tuesday and you stand by the front doors waiting for Gerard so you can walk to your house and work on the research part of the assignment. When he emerges from the doorway, he looks left then right and when he sees you his eyes almost light up.

“Sorry, I had to talk to Ms. Thompson after class.” He says as you start walking away from the school.

“No worries.” You say.

Once you get to your house you immediately go up to your room, laying everything out on your bed. You work for about 2 hours before you get tired and take a break. You decide to order a pizza and just watch tv on your bed.

“You sure you don’t want any?” You ask with a mouth full of pizza. He just shakes his head again.

“Nah I’m good. Thanks though.” He says and smiles. You lean into his chest and he drapes an arm around your shoulders as you munch on the pizza.

After you finished eating, you and Gerard started watching some movie on tv. You feel yourself dozing off but are awoken by the sound of his voice.

“Hey, (Y/N)?” He asks.

“Yeah?” You look up at him. He gulps before speaking.

“How would feel if…if I told you I wanna be more than friends? That I’ve actually fallen pretty god damn hard for you and I can’t ignore it anymore?”

You quickly pivot your body so you’re facing him. Where the hell did this come from? You hadn’t told anyone how you felt about Gerard so there’s no way he found out. Did he just actually feel the same as you and without any hints decided to ask? You sit with wide eyes and an open mouth, unable to form words.

“I get it…if you don’t wanna. I-I just…dammit I made it awkward.” He turns away and runs a hand through his hair.

“N-no! I just…I’m surprised because I’ve liked you for a while a-and then, I don’t know it’s just-” he giggles at your awkwardness and cuts you off my attaching your lips. You smile into the kiss as things begin to get heated. He leans forward, slowly pushing you back onto the couch so he’s basically on top of you. The only thing you can hear is your heart beating in your ears as he begins kissing down your jawline and attaches his lips to your neck. You moan and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

Suddenly, everything is stripped from the moment as a familiar sharp pain pinches your neck. You gasp and open your eyes struggling to do anything but be frozen and helpless under who you thought was your friend. Memories flood back of the only other time you’ve felt this pain, when you were attacked and shoved into an alley by vampires who took what they wanted and left you. You finally find the strength to try and push Gerard off you as tears stream down your face. You stand up and back away from him, staring at the fangs that poke out on top of his blood dripping lips. You are in complete shock. Gerard, a vampire? How had you been friends with someone for so long and not know that they were a vampire? Is this all he wanted from you? Your blood? We’re you ever even friends? No. Just like the others. They took what they wanted and left you just like Gerard was about to do. You felt betrayed. Manipulated.

“What the hell!! How….how could you?! Is that what this is all for? Did you get what you wanted?!”

You sob, continually backing away from him as he walked towards you. Seeing his true colors was frightening. You had been friends with this mother fucker! And all the while he had an agenda and a goal: to get your blood.

“(Y/N), wait! That’s not it! I didn’t mean to! I-” you shake your head, not wanting to hear what he has to say.

“Get out!” You yell, pointing towards the door.

“(Y/N), please!! I love you! I wasn’t in control! I don’t know what happened, I j-” He begs. He almost looks as if he’s about to cry. But a vampire can’t be capable of actually feeling emotions. You have to remind yourself that you don’t even know him anymore. That it was all an act.

“GET. OUT. GERARD. Please! Just go…” you sink to the floor, bawling into your hands. After a few moments you hear the door shut.


GERARD’S POV

“DAMMIT!” I yell as I storm down the street, going nowhere in particular. I couldn’t control myself, her scent was literally driving me insane. I had managed to block it out but after she wrapped her arms around my neck and started pulling me closer, I let my guard down and I just couldn’t stop myself anymore. I wasn’t in control, I didn’t wanna do it! Now I’ve not only lost a friend, but the girl I finally got the courage to ask out now hates.

“Why am I like this? Why was I born this way!?!” I yell into the seemingly empty city.

I wander around, kicking rocks for a couple hours, trying to clear my head. I’d been walking so long that the sun had gone down. I take a deep breath and decide to go back. I don’t know why, I know she’s still mad at me. But I can’t stand us ending on bad terms, even if she still doesn’t want to be friends.

It took me about 30 minutes to get to (Y/N)’s house. Once I get there, I knock on the door. (Y/N) opens the door with red eyes and a tear stained face. When she looks up and sees me her eyes go wide and she immediately tries to slam the door shut but I stop it with my forearm.

“(Y/N), wait!” I say holding the door open. She eventually sighs and gives up, breaking down into tears.

“What, Gerard? What else could you possibly want from me?” She asks exasperatedly.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I-I don’t know why but when I was kissing you I just completely lost control. I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear! I wish that hadn’t happened but I wasn’t in control of my actions. I promise, that wasn’t me. I would never intentionally harm you in any way. Please believe me. I can’t lose you.” I say honestly, my head cocked to the side a little. She bites her lip and looks down at her shoes, tucking a small strand of hair behind her ear.

“Can I just ask you one question?” She says timidly, looking up at me. I nod, looking at her worriedly.

“Do you actually love me?” She asks. I chuckle at the question and look down at her. I chuckled because I couldn’t imagine my life if I didn’t love her. Who would I think about all day? Would I actually get things done because I’m not distracted by thought of her? I don’t wanna know. I want (Y/N). I smile at my hands, too nervous to speak my mind to her face.

“I feel as though I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love you, (Y/N). I am madly, completely, insanely, head over heels in love with you. I love the feeling I get when I’m around you. I hope it never goes away. I love the way your face lights up when you get excited, it’s adorable. I love that you treat me so well. When I’m with you I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be and I don’t wanna be anywhere else. You’re just incredible, I don’t know, I can’t explain it. I’m just under your spell I guess.” She smiles up at me with tears in her eyes and wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a hug. Her hand grazes my jawline as the space between our faces gets smaller and smaller. I put a hand on her waist and as soon as our lips are about to touch she jumps back, looking at me worriedly.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, my eyebrows drawn together in concern.

“W-what if you can’t control yourself again?” She asks timidly. I shake my head.

“After I uh….ya know, earlier, the craving went away. I promise I’m 100% in control of my actions.”

I assure her as I hold her hands and look into her eyes. As she stared back into mine, she seems to believe me as she reaches up and grabs my face in her hands as she connects our lips. It’s the best feeling in the world when my lips are on hers. It’s as if nothing else is going on except us, in this moment, right now. Vampires, humans, it doesn’t matter because (Y/N) (Y/L/N) loves me back and that makes everything absolutely fucking perfect.

anonymous asked:

I'm looking for advices on how to deal with trauma in a relationship. My partner and I are both survivors and we both have cptsd and it can be really hard bc we're both sabotaging your relationship. Do you have any ressources on that? Thx you very much for your awesome blog.

this is a pretty difficult question, because if you google it, you get a lot of sites saying “how to date someone with ptsd” where all they talk about is what the symptoms are, which obviously you both are already familliar with, and then you get a few results saying “how to date someone when you have ptsd” which is also unhelpful because all their advice is “try to act normal” and “dont tell them about the trauma right away” which. doesn’t apply at all to your situation.

this is the best i got, because there are zero resources for two people with ptsd dating. here’s the most helpful bit (copied and pasted)

People with PTSD can create and maintain good relationships by:

  • Building a personal support network to help cope with PTSD while working on family and friend relationships

  • Sharing feelings honestly and openly, with respect and compassion

  • Building skills at problem solving and connecting with others

  • Including ways to play, be creative, relax, and enjoy others

and frankly im not sure how helpful that really is either. so because there are no resources i can give you, i’ll try to give you some advice instead. this is from personal experience, as i have also been in a relationship where we both had ptsd. now granted, that relationship failed, but not because we kept messing up. anyway. this is going to be long, and im not saying everything will work for you, but try to give it some thought anyway.

1) like it says above, be honest with each other. as much as possible. but also try to be sensitive. maybe both of you could write a list of triggers for yourself, and give it to the other person, so that you know what to avoid. so for instance, say you get triggered by X, and you need support. but on your partner’s trigger list, it says they also get triggered by X. so going to them for help is just going to hurt them, and you won’t get any support from it. so maybe whenever you get triggered by X, go to a friend who doesn’t get triggered by X, and get support from them. and then (and this is important), let your partner know about the incident. you can say “i got triggered real bad by something on both of our lists”, and then say “and i went to my friend for support so that i wouldn’t trigger you”. and then, let your partner comfort you.

regarding mutual triggers, friends (or honestly even blogs like mine, but just having someone who can talk you down and calm you) are for support. partners are for comfort. so after you have calmed, maybe ask to cuddle your partner, or call them on the phone, or skype.

2) this ties into number 1. if part of the problem is that you both (or one of you) keeps trying to destroy the relationship because of low self-esteem (i.e. “i don’t deserve you”), then come up with a word or phrase that means “i don’t mean this and i love you but my ptsd is telling me to push you away”. lets say you choose the words “milk crate”. you want it to be short, and not something you say very often. so if your partner is acting destructive, and saying things that are clearly intended to make you break up with them, then ask them the phrase. and they can either reply “milk crate” right back, which is a confirmation and tells you that they dont mean it and can’t help it, or else they say “no”, which means that they are serious. 

the purpose of having a phrase like this is to make it easier for both of you to say what you mean. if im in a bad way, the last thing i’m able to do is rationally explain that i love someone and i care about them and i’m sorry. like. i cant do it. i’d rather isolate myself forever. but if i already have a set phrase that means exactly what i want to say, then it’s much easier to just say that phrase.

3) you can create codewords for everything. if one of you has memory problems, then write them down. carry a list in your wallet, if you have to. create a codeword for “i love you but i cant handle human interaction right now”. create a codeword for “if you keep trying to talk to me i’m gonna explode so please go away”. create a codeword for “please don’t leave me alone right now”. 

one of the parts of ptsd is a feeling that its impossible to get other people to understand, and there’s no point in trying to communicate with anyone else. having a system of codewords reinforces the fact that 1) you have a human who understands you and cares about you and 2) you don’t need to try very hard to communicate a few very important things.

4) understand that sometimes you will want love, and your partner will not even want to be in the same room as you, and vice versa. this might even happen a lot of the time. it will suck. but you have to remember that it’s nobody’s fault when it happens. you’re not being too needy. they’re not being too distant. you both have ptsd. this is unavoidable. if you need comfort and your partner absolutely can’t provide it, go to a close friend, explain what you need, and ask for it.

5. if this is a long distance relationship (or one where you dont see each other every day in school or work or home), try to check in every day. if one of you often has days where you go nonverbal (extreme difficulty communicating, sometimes a complete lack of ability to communicate), create a codeword for that. lets say the word you come up with to signify nonverbal days is “pillowcase”. if your partner hasn’t talked to you all day, text them “pillowcase?” to which they can reply yes or no. or, if you know you’re currently having a nonverbal day, try to text them first: pillowcase. and then they will know that you’re not ignoring them, you just cant talk.

6. if you are not already both in therapy, please book therapists appointments. there’s no shame in needing a therapist, and having one will help both of you, in general life, and also in your relationship. i understand if it’s not possible (if you are minors, or else if you can’t afford one), but if you can, do.

that’s all i can think of. i hope this was helpful, and i hope your relationship smooths out.

Heather's Lyric Meme
  • "I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think there's good in everyone."
  • "This ain't no high school. This is the Thunderdome."
  • "College will be the paradise if I'm not dead by June."
  • "I know life can be beautiful."
  • "What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending."
  • "He is the smartest guy on the football team, which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf."
  • "She is a mythic bitch."
  • "Never bothered, never harassed. I would give anything to be like that."
  • "For a greasy little nobody, you do have a good bone structure."
  • "Let's make her beautiful."
  • "Ask me how it feels looking like hell on wheels."
  • "Time for you to prove you're not a lose anymore."
  • "That freaks not your friend."
  • "If she had your shot, she would leave you to rot."
  • "You just gotta prove you're not a pussy anymore."
  • "You can join the team or you can bitch and moan."
  • "You can live the dream or you can die alone."
  • "Time for you to prove you're not a lame ass anymore."
  • "Why when you see boys fight does it look so horrible yet feel so right?"
  • "Could you fight for me?"
  • "Could you be seen with me and still act proud?"
  • "I would fight for you if you would fight for me."
  • "You can set my broken bones."
  • "You've lasted longer than I thought you would."
  • "No point in planting your roots cause you're gone in a hurry."
  • "I don't learn the names, can't bother with faces."
  • "Freeze your brain."
  • "Happiness comes when everything numbs."
  • "I learned to cook pasta. I learned to pay rent. Learned the world doesn't owe you a cent."
  • "Fight pain with more pain."
  • "When the voice in your head says your better off dead, don't open a vein."
  • "Ain't nobody home tonight."
  • "The folks are gone, it's time for big fun."
  • "So, wait, it's lime then salt then shot?"
  • "Woah. A hot guy smiled at me without a trace of mockery."
  • "Dreams are coming true when people laugh but not at you."
  • "Showing up here took some guts. Time to rip them out."
  • "People wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal."
  • "There's no alcohol in here! Are you trying to poison me?"
  • "The demon queen of high school has decreed it."
  • "I'm a dead girl walking!"
  • "I decided I must ride you til I break you."
  • "You're my last meal on death row."
  • "Slap me! Pull my hair! Touch me there and there and there!"
  • "Believe it or not, I knew about fear."
  • "No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings."
  • "No one sees the me inside of me."
  • "They've left me a myriad of scars."
  • "No one thinks a pretty girl has substance. That's the curse of popularity."
  • "This is the loveliest suicide note I've ever read."
  • "Don't talk mean like that."
  • "You make my balls so blue."
  • "You are the only thing that's right about this broken world."
  • "Our love is God."
  • "The new world needed room for me and you."
  • "I worship you. I'd trade my life for yours."
  • "Let's go hunt some jocks."
  • "They'll die because we say they must."
  • "It is ignorant, hateful talk like yours that makes this world a place our boys could not live in."
  • "I want the world to know I love my dead, gay son."
  • "We're damaged, really damaged, but that does not make us wise."
  • "We don't choose who lives or dies."
  • "Don't you want a life with me?"
  • "That's all I want to do if you could let me in."
  • "I could be good with you."
  • "Can't we be seventeen? Is that so hard to do?"
  • "Your loves too good to lose."
  • "I'll stay if I'm what you choose."
  • "You're the one I choose."
  • "Deep inside of everyone there's a hot ball of shame."
  • "If we show the ugly parts that we hide away, they turn out to be beautiful by the light of day."
  • "Everyday a battlefield when prides on the line."
  • "Who wants to share what's in their heart?"
  • "You're gonna die alone."
  • "I believe any dream worth having is a dream that should not have to end."
  • "Yo girl, keep it together. I knew you would come far."
  • "Your problems seem like life and death."
  • "You chucked me out like I was trash. For that you should be dead."
  • "They made you blind, messed up your mind. But I can set you free."
  • "I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside."
  • "I was meant to be yours!"
  • "We were meant to be one!"
  • "I am all you need!"
  • "You carved open my heart, can't just leave me to bleed!"
  • "Please don't leave me alone! You were all I could trust!"
  • "I let his anger fester and infect me."
  • "No one here deserves to die except for me and the monster I created."
  • "I wish we met before they convinced you life is war."
  • "I am damaged, far too damaged."
  • "Stick around, make things better."
  • "We are done with acting evil. We will lay our weapons down."
  • "Maybe then we'll never die."
John Mulaney Sentence Starters
  • "The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time."
  • "All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it."
  • "It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them - especially when you were supposed to do them."
  • "In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin."
  • "I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table."
  • "I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting."
  • "Why do people shush animals? They've never spoken."
  • "A lot of times you're anxious and people say, "Relax. Shut up." And that just feels like, Well, I guess I'm also crazy."
  • "I'm an idiot, but I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far."
  • "I kind of thought, wouldn't it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of mainstream?"
  • "I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion."
  • "There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me."
  • "Being president looks like the worst job in the world."
  • "Thirteen year olds are the meanest people in the world."
  • "I always though quick sand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be."
  • "'Do you want a salad or fries?' that's like asking 'Do you want to go for a jog or freebase cocaine?'"
  • “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.”
  • “Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die; I can’t have them roaming around. They know too much.”
  • "I was once on the telephone with blockbuster video- Which is a very old fashioned sentence."
  • "I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then they're just pants."
  • "My body is bad at sports: that's the problem."
  • "It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of "Law & Order" in my apartment."
  • "I don't look older, I just look worse."
  • "So, I would just have a couple of drinks, and my brain would be like, 'OK, I see where this is headed. We're just going to power down now and get restarted sometime tomorrow morning'."
  • "Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the '30s -- as long as you weren't still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it."
  • "'Ocean's 11' with women wouldn't work 'cause two would keep breaking off to talk sh*t about the other nine."
  • “Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone, and I’ll be like ‘Yeah, I’ve been really lonely lately’ and they’ll be like ‘Well we should hang out!’ and I’m like ‘No, that’s not what I meant. That’s not what I meant at all.”
  • "We'd all go play jacks by the soda fountain."
  • "No one knows what you're talking about you idiot."
  • "Blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep but your body gets all 'Eye of the Tiger' and soldiers on.'
  • "Am I proud of it? No. Just like I'm not proud of the fact that I saw the movie The Notebook in theaters. But it happened!"
  • "You don't know me. I have secrets. Why yesterday I wore my footie pajamas under my clothes and pretended I was a fucking fireman."
  • “Excuse me: I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I'm new in town.”
  • "Because we're Delta Airlines and life is a fucking nightmare!"
  • "I could never be goth, don't get me wrong, I'm unhappy, it's not that."
  • "To me Person of Interest is almost too flattering. Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest' I'd be like 'Moi? Oh do go on. Fresh.' "
  • "Ma'am can you turn off your bluetooth? This is a baptism."
  • "It was really easy to get away with murder before they knew about DNA."
  • "Do you want a plate of fries? If I get fries for the table would you take some? I know you'll eat fries if I get fries!"
  • "I watch so much Law and Order that sometimes I think I'm on an episode of Law and Order."
  • "You asked if I brushed my teeth but I never specified that I did so tonight. If the court reporter reads back my remarks you will see I did not purger myself."
  • "Traveling can get kinda lonely sometimes, actually no that's not the right word, Life. Life can get kinda lonely sometimes."
  • "Scientists have long since wondered if you can make grown men and women cry by playing Tom Jones' It's Not Unusual. And the answer is yes."
  • "Like my god man people are dead! But no you keep stacking those boxes."
  • "You seen this shit? You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit?"
  • "As they say in Jerry Maguire, 'You had me at AIDS.'”
  • “Papa, today I met a boy with no eyes.”
  • "Adult life is already so goddamn weird."

fullmetaldude1  asked:

Your Autistic/Galra!Keith and Autistic!Pidge headcannons and facts are awesome and make me feel so valid, pretty please hit us up with more some time soon! Sincerely from, a fellow Autistic individual.

First of all, thanks! You’re so sweet. :D Second, I mean, I’m never gonna say no to more autistic Keith and Pidge. ;) Especially since I’ve been meaning to do a Keith<>Pidge interaction post for a long time and just kept putting it off because fanfic. And oh look it got pushed back even farther because of even more fic whoops.

[original autistic Keith and Pidge meta]
[autistic Galra!Keith series]

As usual, this got super long, so most of it’s going behind a cut. Click through for the early stages of friendship, lowkey hangouts, ‘friends who stim together complain about social norms together,’ and conspiracies.

Early Relationship

  • So here’s the thing: Keith and Pidge aren’t initially drawn to each other for casual social things. (Because, I mean. Neither of them is the ‘casual social things’ type. Pidge would rather be working on robots or programming, and if Keith isn’t on the training deck, he’s probably in his room because he doesn’t know how to friends.)
  • So outside of Team Voltron stuff, they don’t really cross paths. (When they do it’s usually because one of them is looking for Shiro and finds him with the other.)
  • Pidge starts training by themself against the Gladiator. They know they’re not that great at physical combat, especially considering their bayard is most useful as a close-to-mid-range weapon.
  • Sometimes they train with Lance or Hunk (since Pidge is most comfortable with them), very rarely with Allura (because Lance and Hunk are both ranged fighters). They generally avoid training with Shiro, because Shiro can’t make himself go all out against Pidge—they remind him too much of Matt, and how he attacked Matt the first day in the Arena.
  • Thing is Pidge isn’t progressing very far on their own. Sure, training against a robot can make you stronger, build your endurance, maybe help you figure out a few tricks, but it’s not really gonna help you with technique.
  • Eventually Pidge works up the courage to ask Keith to help them train. (And like. It takes a lot of working up, because Keith is that awkward place between stranger and good friend where Pidge doesn’t want to bother him and doesn’t know him well enough to know if he will be bothered by this.)
  • Pidge asks, and Keith just shrugs and says sure.
  • (Of course it’s that easy, Pidge thinks. It’s Keith, training is basically his life. He’s probably thrilled Pidge is taking the war more seriously.)
  • ((Meanwhile Keith is internally freaking out because, sure, he agreed to teach Pidge because he didn’t have any reason to say no, but about twenty minutes later he realized… he doesn’t know the first thing about teaching somebody how to fight.))

Keep reading

So I have a habit of livetexting everything I read/watch to the person who got me into it, and it's generally regarded as quite amusing. My dear friend Mycroft recently got me into Young Wizards, and he suggested that I put one of my livetexts up on Tumblr as my introduction into the fandom. So here goes "Iago reads High Wizardry" (lightly edited to make reading easier).
  • Iago: *picks up High Wizardry* Here we go.
  • Iago: Oh god. Setting up a computer in the nineties. This should be fun.
  • Iago: Dari wearing a Star Wars shirt makes me incredibly happy.
  • Iago: Nita's parents affronted by the fact that Dari can set up the computer without instructions is just perfect.
  • Mycroft: Dairine is the best Star Wars nerd.
  • Iago: She also likes X-Men, which is perfect.
  • Iago: "The sure way to make the world work for you was to know everything. Dairine sat home and busied herself with conquering the world." New favorite character? I think so.
  • Mycroft: I think she became like half the fandom's favorite character at that exact moment. Myself included--I can definitely relate.
  • Iago: *laughs* At least I'm in good company, then.
  • Iago: I hope Dari eventually conquers the world. We couldn't have a better ruler.
  • Mycroft: Amen to THAT.
  • Iago: Oh sweet lord Dari took the Oath we're all toast.
  • Iago: Dari with a lightsaber is a terrifying thought.
  • Iago: Dari's going to have an affinity for computer systems, isn't she?
  • Iago: Awwwww, Nita's upset that Kit didn't notice her new boobs!
  • Mycroft: Also consider this- since Dari took the Oath, she could probably make a lighsaber out of wizardry if she really wanted.
  • Iago: Oh sweet minty Jesus we're fucked.
  • Iago: Oh look, Dari's created a second computer.
  • Mycroft: It's always good to have backups...
  • Iago: It's her Wizard's manual, isn't it?
  • Mycroft: I'm saying nothingggggg.
  • Iago: It's totally her manual. It's fucking taking her to Mars as we speak,
  • Mycroft: Okay yes. That is a thing.
  • Iago: Obviously that means she has an affinity for computers. I'm a writer. i know these things.
  • Iago: It also means that she might have and easier time with wizardry that Kit and Nita, because she just has to command the computer.
  • Mycroft: Brace yourself for the "computer wizard" puns. They're gonna happen.
  • Iago: YUS
  • Iago: How convenient is it that two of the *four* North American Senior Wizards live within relative spitting distance of our main characters?
  • Iago: Wait, puberty gives you more power? Fuck, why wasn't *I* a wizard? That could have made things a hell of a lot easier.
  • Iago: Souls are one to a customer *on this planet*? The hell does that mean?
  • Mycroft: It's a big, weird Universe out there...
  • Iago: Fair play to you.
  • Iago: Ah, the trouble with going to a place about which you know nothing: you find yourself talking to the luggage. I wouldn't be surprised if, at some point, Dari used the wrong verbs and ended up kissing a complete stranger.
  • Iago: Ah, planet-hopping youth. Always expecting something they're familiar with, when someone more experienced would know not to expect anything.
  • Iago: "Tentacled" being used as a way to describe how people get around brings me much joy.
  • Mycroft: SAME. Also, welcome to the Crossings. You'll be seeing a lot of it.
  • Iago: Oh boy. That sounds ominous.
  • Mycroft: Well, I mean it's a popular travel hub.
  • Iago: Fair enough.
  • Iago: Oh my god are those actually dinosaurs.
  • Iago: Holy shit it's like a bloodhound but it's a dinosaur yes good I approve of this.
  • Iago: Oh shit, now she's covering her trail. How the hell are Kit and Nita going to fin her
  • Iago: God, this galaxy sounds beautiful.
  • Iago: Kit and Nita in a "permanent partnership". *waggles eyebrows*
  • Mycroft: INDEED.
  • Mycroft: They're so adorably awkward.
  • Iago: Especially at thirteen and fourteen. This is perfect.
  • Iago: And we're back to Nita considering asking Kit what he thinks about "things".
  • Mycroft: Bless her beautiful relatable awkwardness.
  • Iago: Yes, Tom, tell the magical children to go to major law enforcement authorities. That can't possibly backfire in your face.
  • Iago: planet-sized computer chip = yes good.
  • Mycroft: Wasn't it terrifying when Dairine thought she'd fried her Manual. Stranded in the middle of a distant unexplored planet is not the greatest time for that.
  • Iago: It was too far from the end of the book for her to be dead just yet.
  • Iago: Ah! She's teaching it and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.
  • Iago: Oo! Dairine's manual is learning, too!
  • Iago: Oh god is she going to make the planet a wizard
  • Mycroft: ...MAYBE
  • Iago: Goody.
  • Mycroft: By the way, you didn't say anything about the Doctor's cameo...
  • Iago: Oh, of *course* that was him. I was wondering why he felt familiar. Which incarnation was that supposed to be?
  • Mycroft: Five. He's Diane Duane's favorite.
  • Iago: Ahhhh. Makes sense why I didn't quite catch it, then. I've never seen a Five story, and I really know very little about him.
  • Iago: oh god it was a *birthing* room?
  • Iago: "Kit, I didn't do it for you 'some'. I did it for you 'pretty much'."
  • Iago: I FUCKING SHIP IT SO GODDAMN HARD RIGHT NOW.
  • Mycroft: YES GOOD JOIN US
  • Iago: IS THERE SOME KIND OF INITIATION CEREMONY OR AM I JUST IN
  • Iago: BECAUSE I WILL WRITE FANFIC IF NECESSARY.
  • Mycroft: FANFIC IS ALWAYS GOOD
  • Iago: Also, That Fucker just blew up a star to kill Kit and Nita. How rude.
  • Mycroftt: Are we calling the Lone Power That Fucker now because I totally approve
  • Iago: We totally can. I figured that capitalizing the first letters of any creative epithet I come up with would get the point across.
  • Mycroft: And it totally did.
  • Iago: Aw, Dairine's making friends with the circuit turtles!
  • Mycroft: With!
  • Iago: Is that its name?
  • Iago: Apparently not. Too bad, that would have been cute.
  • Iago: Gigo's nice, too, though
  • Iago: Mycroft I want a circuit turtle
  • Iago: Oh my god Dairine has just created a new race.
  • Mycroft: YUP
  • Iago: Good lord she *could* take over the world.
  • Mycroft: I would probably support this.
  • Iago: We wouldn't be able to stop her. We probably wouldn't *want* to stop her.
  • Iago: Oh dear god the circuit turtles are going to take over the Universe
  • Mycroft: I think it's more like... reprogramming
  • Iago: They're going to remake the whole damn thing!
  • Iago: I legitimately do not know what the Lone Asshat wants from this encounter.
  • Iago: Oh my god Dari has just used one of my favorite lines.
  • Iago: "You're so full of it that if you had eyes, they'd be brown."
  • Iago: Ah, mental contact. Solves everyone's problems
  • Iago: *flailing* Dari!
  • Iago: GODDAMMIT MYCROFT IF SHE HAS TO DIE TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE I QUIT LIFE
  • Iago: Nita and Kit showed up in the nick of time, and honest to god I was waiting for a, "Surprise, bitch."
  • Iago: "One might be intending to cripple or destroy that Power, but there was no need to be rude about it."
  • Iago: AND WHY NOT
  • Iago: RUDE IS FUN
  • Iago: WHY IS NITA USING HER LIFE FORCE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT'S THE WORST IDEA
  • Iago: PEACH
  • Iago: *incoherent shrieking*
  • Iago: MYCROFT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL END YOU WHY DID YOU GET ME INTO A SERIES THAT HURTS SO MUCH
  • Iago: WAIT A SECOND HAS DAIRINE ACTUALLY BECOME GOD
  • Iago: SHE HAS SHE'S TOTALLY GOD
  • Iago: JEELSUS CRUST HOW
  • Iago: SHE CREATED A SPECIES AND NOW SHE'S ALMIGHTY WE MAY AS WELL JUST START WORSHIPPING HER
  • Iago: WAIT NO FUCK SHE CAN'T DIE SHE'S GOD
  • Iago: PICCHU. PICCHU IS BACK. IN A DIFFERENT FORM BUT FUCK I'LL TAKE IT.
  • Iago: THEY ARE ALL ALIVE
  • Iago: OH MY GOD NO ONE DIED
  • Iago: NO ONE ACTUALLY DIED HOLY SHIT
  • Iago: EXCUSE ME WHILE I ROLL AROUND ON THE GROUND, SCREAMING FOR JOY
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
Make Happy Starter Pack
  • Mix of comedy, deep stuff, out of context stuff, and potentially NSFW-ish sentences.
  • "Ladies if you feel me, say hell yeah!"
  • "Fellas if you feel me, say hell yeah!"
  • "Virgins, if you haven't felt a person, say hell yeah!"
  • "If you like drinking booze, let me hear you say hell yeah!"
  • "If you like smoking weed, let me hear you say hell yeah!"
  • "I can't wrap my mind around exactly why I'm here."
  • "I know you paid money."
  • "I should be funny."
  • "Look at the world. I don't know why I'm here."
  • "I would love to tell you that everything is fine."
  • "You wanna be happy... Well, get in line!"
  • "It gets old after a few minutes."
  • "Let's get this show started."
  • "I already fucked it up."
  • "Haters gonna hate. Lovers gonna love."
  • "You have to reject both sides of the spectrum to leave a healthy middle."
  • "Stop participating."
  • "Not a participatory thing going on up here."
  • "Did you not think I was gonna use this, idiot(s)?"
  • "It's not a prop."
  • "I've got a lot of problems in my life."
  • "I got no one to talk to."
  • "There's everyone and then there is just me."
  • "If I could change, don't you think that I'd do it?"
  • "God only knows, why he cursed me to be ________/(a straight white man)"
  • "I state my problems, other people roll their eyes."
  • "Three trips to the mall, zero _______ in my size."
  • "I've never been the victim of a random search for drugs."
  • "You can't say my life is easy."
  • "I know the road looks though ahead."
  • "Can't you just leave us alone?"
  • "Also, 'no' to the things you asked for."
  • "They are being greedy and they know it."
  • "Everyone thinks that I got it easy."
  • "Just because it's true, doesn't mean that it's right."
  • "So pull up a chair and put down your pitchforks."
  • "We still do, but it's not as fun now."
  • "If you were offended by that, it was ironic."
  • "Isn't that fun?"
  • "I meant the whole opposite of it."
  • "White guys... it's easy to be a white guy."
  • "We deserve a cheer once in a while."
  • "We invented a lot of stuff."
  • "Everything but peanut butter."
  • "Your grandkids are going to see this."
  • "Put the lights down."
  • "Their faces creep me out."
  • "I'm not perfect, ok?"
  • "Twice in a week? What is this?"
  • "Do you want to sing a song with me?"
  • "Hey, _____, guess what?"
  • "You're a (insert insult here)."
  • "So I was interrupted the other day-"
  • "Can you turn the lights off at least?"
  • "Why was it on a record player?"
  • "It's gonna outlive me."
  • "Do not give those dumb fucks any credit."
  • "It's all me baby, all me."
  • "How dare you make that joke so late!"
  • "I like poetry."
  • "Do not veer credit to people outside this building!"
  • "Two examples is enough."
  • "I'm right in the sweet spot."
  • "I could give that money to a homless person. But I don't do that very often."
  • "Tomorrow is a relative term. We're not getting there."
  • "You don't know where I'm going, so don't act like it."
  • "You're not ahead of me."
  • "I will retain the element of surprise."
  • "I'm trying to break out of that."
  • "This might not work."
  • "________, I heard you had sex with an older woman last night?"
  • "How does he do it?"
  • "I'm not honest for a second up here."
  • "I think country music gets a bad rep."
  • "A dirt road, a cold beer, blue jeans, a red pick-up."
  • "No shoes, no shirt."
  • "Sort of a mental typo."
  • "I could sing in mandarin."
  • "I own a private ranch that I rarely use. I don't like dirt."
  • "Now it's time to talk to the ladies."
  • "Good girl in a straw head."
  • "Thought it was a human woman."
  • "That is a scarecrow."
  • "I'm wanting you. I hope you're feeling me."
  • "You don't know what land you're in...?"
  • "They are lying to you, that's all."
  • "You deserve better."
  • "I'm not saying I'm it, but I'm the person that says you deserve better."
  • "It's the end of culture."
  • "We lost."
  • "How is this entertainment?"
  • "I saw a gorgeous dick. I was in a public restroom."
  • "You're not picturing this."
  • "I need to earn it."
  • "You need to earn it."
  • "There's more where that came from."
  • "Ladies, I know where that came from."
  • "You want a guy that's sweet."
  • "This ugy only exists in your mind."
  • "Guess what? You're right."
  • "If you want love, lower your expectations a few."
  • "Prince Charming would never settle for you."
  • "Just pick a guy and love him."
  • "Just pick a girl and love him."
  • "You wan't a girl that is noce, a girl that is not."
  • "A real girl, a hot girl, a really hot girl!"
  • "She's real, but last week she died."
  • "You might think you dick is a gift, I promise it's not."
  • "I won't settle for less than perfect."
  • "Deep down we know we don't deserve it."
  • "We all deserve love."
  • "We all suck, but love can make us suck less."
  • "It's the very best part of being alive."
  • "Original does not mean good."
  • "Anyone can do anything."
  • "What is it good for?"
  • "I don't want to get political..."
  • "They just liked the lights, I didn't even need to do jokes."
  • "Yeah, you like that?"
  • "Honey are you ok?"
  • "Are you drunk?"
  • "What's behind your back?"
  • "It's a jar of peanut butter. Alright? Sue me."
  • "Why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise."
  • "I'll clean it up."
  • "You'll make it worse if you try it."
  • "Who are you talking to?"
  • "You just gestured to the sink."
  • "I bought something."
  • "Sit in silence."
  • "Nothing tastes better than not getting sued."
  • "You don't want that desperate sort of cloying thing."
  • "I'm just overpaid, ok?"
  • "I sound mean and rude."
  • "Let a professional hear it."
  • "Stick your tongue in a plug."
  • "Hold your breath until it's gone."
  • "Take your pants off!"
  • "You think it's ok because I'm a dude?"
  • "You think it's ok because he is a dude?"
  • "It's over."
  • "We shouldn't fight to stay together just to fight again."
  • "We need to take a break from us to make it right again."
  • "Honestly are you fucking five?"
  • "I've got my father's temper. I'm emotionally inarticulate."
  • "I'm hurting inside, I'm trying to hide it."
  • "I thought you were lashing out in anger."
  • "I deserve better than you."
  • "Sorry, you're not what I need."
  • "What am I talking about, you know?"
  • "It's about... but for real, what is it about?"
  • "No one gives a shit about what we think!"
  • "The arrogant is taught."
  • "It's prison. It's horrific"
  • "I know very little about anything."
  • "He talked about his problems."
  • "I thought... maybe I could do this."
  • "Can I say my shit, _______?"
  • "I got lots of shit to say."
  • "I can't fit my hand insdie a pringle can."
  • "It's way too small."
  • "You think you can. I know you can't"
  • "Just... make them wider?"
  • "I wanna have a daughter."
  • "But that is priority numero uno."
  • "I don't go to the gym 'cause I'm self concious about my body."
  • "I'm self concious about my body because I don't go to the gym."
  • "Irony can be so painful."
  • "Dude, you should have warned me."
  • "No one wants to have a messx burrito."
  • "I wouldn't have gotten the _______ if I knew it wouldn't fit."
  • "I wouldn't have got half of it."
  • "I'm ok with small mistakes."
  • "I don't think that I can handle this right now."
  • "I can sit here an pretend that my biggest problems are pringle cans and burritos."
  • "The truth is my biggest problem is you."
  • "I want to please you but stay true to myself."
  • "Part of me loves you, part of me hates you, part of you needs you, part of me fears you."
  • "I should probably just shut up."
  • "You can tell them anything."
  • ""I hope you're happy."
  • "Oh, good, it's just us."
  • "If you hated it, it's fair."
  • "On a scale of one to zero, ________?"
  • "Are you happy?"
  • "But what the fuck kind of question is 'are you happy'?"
  • "Oh god, my dad was right."
  • "You're everything you hated. Are you happy?"
  • "Hey, look, Mom, I made it! Are you happy?"
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys.I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

the entire bee movie script because of the stupid text post asking if it could fit in the title thing. i have so many regrets

Thoughts we all had while watching 'Thriller'
  • Michael Jackson: Honestly. We're out of gas
  • Ola Ray: So what are we gonna do now?
  • Us: THEY'RE GONNA FUCK
  • Us: Oh no never mind. They're just walking
  • . . . . .
  • Ola Ray: Can we get outta here?
  • Michael Jackson: No I'm enjoying this!
  • Ola Ray: Well I can't watch.
  • Us: Michael's probably thinking 'Hell girl go ahead. I'm gonna stay here and watch this shit.... damn it I should probably go follow her. Don't wanna lose that ass.'
  • . . . . .
  • Us: IS NO ONE GONNA TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THEY WATCHED THEMSELVES ON THE MOVIE SCREEN???
  • . . . . .
  • Ola Ray: *Screams*
  • Michael Jackson: What's the problem?
  • Us: THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU JUST TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE AND DANCED LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL AND NOW EVERYTHING IS BACK TO NORMAL. LIKE WHERE THE HELL DID THE ZOMBIES GO? WHY IS OLA SCREAMING? I'M CONFUSED
  • . . . . .
  • Michae Jackson: Come on. I'll take you home *turns around with werewolf eyes*
  • Us: I FUCKING KNEW IT
Lana Del Rey sentence starters
  • "Look at you, looking at me."
  • "Loving you is hard, being here is harder."
  • "I don't wanna do this anymore."
  • "I can't survive if this is all that's real."
  • "All I wanna do is get high by the beach."
  • "I never bought into your bullshit."
  • "You could be a bad motherfucker, but that don't make you a man."
  • "Now you're just another one of my problems."
  • "I'll do it on my own."
  • "Don't need your money to get me what I want."
  • "Everyone can start again."
  • "Should have let me know that I never had a chance at all."
  • "I could never be what you wanted."
  • "I know that you're scared to death."
  • "You're afraid to love me."
  • "Our kind of love, it was once in a lifetime."
  • "It was doomed from the first time."
  • "I always fall for the wrong guy."
  • "Things that are bad always taste nice."
  • "That's what girls like me do... lose you."
  • "You're sickeningly beautiful."
  • "This kind of life wasn't meant for the good girl."
  • "That's what girls like me like - the limelight."
  • "If you should go before me then know that I always loved you."
  • "There's nobody for you but me."
  • "We make the rules."
  • "Say you want me, too."
  • "Will my forever love never come back to me?"
  • "How quickly you forget how I made you smile."
  • "I remember everything."
  • "Does she know I'm tattooed onto your heart?"
  • "She's not me."
  • "Promise I won't hurt you, kid."
  • "Baby, we were born to live fast and die young."
  • "It's a game, I don't wanna play."
  • "Never let me go."
  • "We're gonna go far, I can already taste it."
  • "I remember when I saw you for the first time, you were laughing, sparking like a new dime."
  • "Baby, it's a sweet life."
  • "It’s just another lonely day on the playground."
  • "I just wanna party, boy, I don’t wanna fight."
  • "They all know my name now."
  • "I'm not looking for true love tonight."
  • "If you want me, you know where to find me."
  • "I don't wanna get you running scared when there's no pressure there at all."
  • "I'm the sweetest girl in town so why are you so mean?"
  • "You were talking so brave and so sweet."
  • "You got away, didn't you, baby? You just turned your back on the crowd."
  • "You were famous, your heart was a legend."
  • "You told me again you preferred handsome men, but for me you would make an exception."
  • "We are ugly but we have the music."
  • "I don't mean to suggest that I loved you the best."
  • "I remember you well, that's all, I don't even think of you that often."
  • "Let me be your dangerous girl."
  • "Its been so long since someone made me different."
  • "Even my best days without you were nothing in comparison to my worst days once I had found you."
  • "It's all happening."
  • "Pillow talk to me."
  • "I never knew I'd find somebody like you."
  • "You say it's not true, but I know how you do."
  • "I'm like a child who belongs to nobody."
  • "I wear you like my clothes, hold you close to my body."
  • "You hurt so good, you feel so bad, honey."
  • "I just want you to want me."
  • "I'm not what you want."
  • "Let's get out of this place 'cause you're starting to waste within this teenage wasteland."
  • "I'm leaving, are you coming with me?"
  • "I know that they think I've come undone."
  • "It's late, walk me home and put your hand in mine."
  • "Be my valentine."
  • "You are, by far, the brightest star I've ever seen."
  • "I never dreamed I'd be so happy that I could die."
  • "I can get you hooked on love and desire."
  • "I know what you’ve done, I can be your alibi."
  • "Would you kill for me? Would you die for me?"
  • "It's either live or die."
  • "I burnt your toast but baby, I'm still the bestest."
  • "This is not a school girl crush."
  • "This is not puppy love."
  • "I'm your leading lady."
  • "You're everybody's hero and you're hitting it home."
  • "I don't wanna go."
  • "He's a sweet baby, but he looks mean."
  • "I’m America’s sweetheart tryin’ to get away."
  • "You make it hard to leave, but it’s easier for me to stay."
  • "We're not fooling anyone these days."
  • "I don't wanna stay, but I'm so afraid."
  • "It's not love what keeps me here and it's not what you want to hear."
  • "Never coming back, no matter what you do or say."
  • "I've had it up to here with the panic and the fear."
  • "There's nothing in your heart, I thought that I could make you change."
  • "We were just teenagers when we fell in love."
  • "You should never come between a woman and her dream."
  • "I was addicted to you, but I didn't know it."
  • "Put yourself on back to bed."
  • "I was addicted to you, didn't wanna blow it."
  • "You were a dick with your crew."
  • "Why can't you give it a rest?"
  • "You're not that bright for a star, burned yourself out nothing left."
  • "Death doesn't come with a warning."
  • "You should hear me sing."
  • "I know what they say about me, I know that they think I'm danger."
  • "I'll be taking drugs, doing shots, making out in parking lots."
  • "You can't stop me."
  • "Money is my saviour."
  • "Ours was the greatest love story ever told."
  • "You've got it and I want it."
  • "Doomed from the start, we met with a goodbye kiss."
  • "I won't cry myself to sleep like a sucker."
  • "Now you fall asleep with another... Damn you."
  • "Remember how we used to escape for the summer?"
  • "Nothing to lose and we got messed up for fun."
  • "We went too fast, too young."
  • "Flowers in my hair and your breath smelled like whiskey, promised anywhere that I go, take you with me."
  • "If you get lonely, think of me."
  • "Living without you is like TV in black and white."
  • "When I’m around you suddenly I realize that I was blind before I saw the world through your eyes."
  • "I'm a really good girl, you a very bad guy. We're a little match made in heaven."
  • "I don't wanna know I'm wrong."
  • "If we got together, I know it would be hot."
  • "Put the radio on."
  • "My man is crazy... but I like him, in fact, I love him."
  • "I've been waiting on your love, baby, for too long now."
  • "I thought that I could change you like the others but I don't know how."
  • "It's gonna backfire."
  • "Everybody’s saying you’re no good for me."
  • "I wanna fly."
  • "I can't be with the man I love."
  • "With the rate I was going, I'd be lucky to die."
  • "You wanna watch me while I watch TV, while your touching me."
  • "We're gonna party like were running outta time."
  • "We dance like nobody's watching us and we live like we want to."
  • "I was a young girl, selfish and wild."
  • "Look at me now, I have everything."
  • "Had a face like an angel, but inside, my heart was as black as a broke movie screen."
  • "I hope you remember me like this."
  • "I don't know a thing, but of this I'm sure - there's nowhere on this Earth I'd rather be."
  • "You're beautiful, but hopeless."
  • "I think you're so cool, babe."
  • "I love you more with each and everyday."
  • "Do you think you'll love me, too?"
  • "You know I love the thrill of the rush."
  • "Play you like a game, boy."
  • "What's the thrill of the same toy?"
  • "I love you, but I don't know why."
  • "You can be the boss, daddy."
  • "You taste like the Fourth of July."
  • "You’re wrong, but you’re so much fun."
  • "Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?"
  • "I'm a party girl, and I'm just warnin' you."
  • "Do you think it's really mean that I'm only on the scene cause I want a little danger, boy?"
  • "I told you so."
  • "You know sometimes I think God's playing a little game with me, looking down from heaven, laughing, trying to see how much I can take."
  • "Nobody's had more shots at the moon and missed than me."
  • "My boyfriend says I'm like an old movie star with loneliness as my occupation."
  • "You haven't seen the best of me."
  • "You can look, but please don't touch."
  • "Everyone knows I'm a good girl."
  • "I am the baddest, you liking what you see?"
  • "You should stay away from me."
  • "We're children of the bad revolution."
  • "We're acting really tough like the world belongs to us, 'cause it does, yeah, it must."
  • "You've been pretty stupid ever since you got famous."
  • "Your friends all swear that you've changed but, I still keep it O.G."
  • "Let's go back to the basics."
  • "We were best friends, crazy and shameless in love."
  • "I'm just making up for what I never had."
  • "I was born to live fast, die young."
  • "I think we're losing what we used to have, you know?"
  • "You loved me better one year ago."
  • "I won't be all that mad if you go."
  • "You're always spending all that stupid with your band on the road."
  • "You can still come home when you want and I won't be ashamed to take you back in."
  • "It's been five nights since I heard the tone of your voice."
  • "You act like everything's alright, but we both know that it's not."
  • "You're so special."
  • "No one lives forever, but that’s no reason to give up."
  • "Don’t you wanna fall in love?"
  • "Sometimes I get lonely, but millions all know me now."
  • "You're the bad boy/girl that I always dreamed of."
  • "You know I was more than just a party girl."
  • "We're the broken ones."
  
According to all known laws
of aviation,

  
there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.

  
Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.

  
The bee, of course, flies anyway

  
because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.

  
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

  
Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.

  
Barry! Breakfast is ready!

  
Ooming!

  
Hang on a second.

  
Hello?

  
- Barry?
- Adam?

  
- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.

  
Looking sharp.

  
Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.

  
Sorry. I'm excited.

  
Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.

  
A perfect report card, all B's.

  
Very proud.

  
Ma! I got a thing going here.

  
- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!

  
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!

  
Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!

  
- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.

  
- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.

  
Never thought I'd make it.

  
Three days grade school,
three days high school.

  
Those were awkward.

  
Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

  
You did come back different.

  
- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

  
- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.

  
- You going to the funeral?
- No, I'm not going.

  
Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.

  
Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.

  
I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.

  
I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day.

  
That's why we don't need vacations.

  
Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
under the circumstances.

  
- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!

  
- Bee-men.
- Amen!

  
Hallelujah!

  
Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

  
please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

  
Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of...

  
...9:15.

  
That concludes our ceremonies.

  
And begins your career
at Honex Industries!

  
Will we pick ourjob today?

  
I heard it's just orientation.

  
Heads up! Here we go.

  
Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.

  
- Wonder what it'll be like?
- A little scary.

  
Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco

  
and a part of the Hexagon Group.

  
This is it!

  
Wow.

  
Wow.

  
We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life

  
to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.

  
Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

  
Our top-secret formula

  
is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

  
into this soothing sweet syrup

  
with its distinctive
golden glow you know as...

  
Honey!

  
- That girl was hot.
- She's my cousin!

  
- She is?
- Yes, we're all cousins.

  
- Right. You're right.
- At Honex, we constantly strive

  
to improve every aspect
of bee existence.

  
These bees are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.

  
- What do you think he makes?
- Not enough.

  
Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.

  
- What does that do?
- Oatches that little strand of honey

  
that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.

  
Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

  
Of course. Most bee jobs are
small ones. But bees know

  
that every small job,
if it's done well, means a lot.

  
But choose carefully

  
because you'll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.

  
The same job the rest of your life?
I didn't know that.

  
What's the difference?

  
You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off

  
in 27 million years.

  
So you'll just work us to death?

  
We'll sure try.

  
Wow! That blew my mind!

  
"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?

  
One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.

  
I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.

  
But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?

  
Why would you question anything?
We're bees.

  
We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.

  
You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?

  
Like what? Give me one example.

  
I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.

  
Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.

  
Wait a second. Oheck it out.

  
- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.

  
I've never seen them this close.

  
They know what it's like
outside the hive.

  
Yeah, but some don't come back.

  
- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!

  
You guys did great!

  
You're monsters!
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

  
- I wonder where they were.
- I don't know.

  
Their day's not planned.

  
Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.

  
You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.

  
Right.

  
Look. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.

  
It's just a status symbol.
Bees make too much of it.

  
Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.

  
Those ladies?
Aren't they our cousins too?

  
Distant. Distant.

  
Look at these two.

  
- Oouple of Hive Harrys.
- Let's have fun with them.

  
It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.

  
Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!

  
He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!

  
- Oh, my!
- I never thought I'd knock him out.

  
What were you doing during this?

  
Trying to alert the authorities.

  
I can autograph that.

  
A little gusty out there today,
wasn't it, comrades?

  
Yeah. Gusty.

  
We're hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.

  
- Six miles, huh?
- Barry!

  
A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you're not up for it.

  
- Maybe I am.
- You are not!

  
We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

  
What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you bee enough?

  
I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.

  
Hey, Honex!

  
Dad, you surprised me.

  
You decide what you're interested in?

  
- Well, there's a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.

  
Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?

  
Son, let me tell you about stirring.

  
You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.

  
You get yourself into a rhythm.
It's a beautiful thing.

  
You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,

  
maybe the honey field
just isn't right for me.

  
You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?

  
That's a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.

  
Janet, your son's not sure
he wants to go into honey!

  
- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
- I'm not trying to be funny.

  
You're not funny! You're going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

  
- You're gonna be a stirrer?
- No one's listening to me!

  
Wait till you see the sticks I have.

  
I could say anything right now.
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

  
Let's open some honey and celebrate!

  
Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.

  
Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

  
I'm so proud.

  
- We're starting work today!
- Today's the day.

  
Oome on! All the good jobs
will be gone.

  
Yeah, right.

  
Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

  
- Is it still available?
- Hang on. Two left!

  
One of them's yours! Oongratulations!
Step to the side.

  
- What'd you get?
- Picking crud out. Stellar!

  
Wow!

  
Oouple of newbies?

  
Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

  
Make your choice.

  
- You want to go first?
- No, you go.

  
Oh, my. What's available?

  
Restroom attendant's open,
not for the reason you think.

  
- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
- Sure, you're on.

  
I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

  
Wax monkey's always open.

  
The Krelman opened up again.

  
What happened?

  
A bee died. Makes an opening. See?
He's dead. Another dead one.

  
Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

  
Dead from the neck up.
Dead from the neck down. That's life!

  
Oh, this is so hard!

  
Heating, cooling,
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

  
humming, inspector number seven,
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

  
mite wrangler. Barry, what
do you think I should... Barry?

  
Barry!

  
All right, we've got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine...

  
What happened to you?
Where are you?

  
- I'm going out.
- Out? Out where?

  
- Out there.
- Oh, no!

  
I have to, before I go
to work for the rest of my life.

  
You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

  
Another call coming in.

  
If anyone's feeling brave,
there's a Korean deli on 83rd

  
that gets their roses today.

  
Hey, guys.

  
- Look at that.
- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

  
Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

  
It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

  
Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

  
Sign here, here. Just initial that.

  
- Thank you.
- OK.

  
You got a rain advisory today,

  
and as you all know,
bees cannot fly in rain.

  
So be careful. As always,
watch your brooms,

  
hockey sticks, dogs,
birds, bears and bats.

  
Also, I got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us.

  
Murphy's in a home because of it,
babbling like a cicada!

  
- That's awful.
- And a reminder for you rookies,

  
bee law number one,
absolutely no talking to humans!

  
All right, launch positions!

  
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

  
Black and yellow!

  
Hello!

  
You ready for this, hot shot?

  
Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

  
Wind, check.

  
- Antennae, check.
- Nectar pack, check.

  
- Wings, check.
- Stinger, check.

  
Scared out of my shorts, check.

  
OK, ladies,

  
let's move it out!

  
Pound those petunias,
you striped stem-suckers!

  
All of you, drain those flowers!

  
Wow! I'm out!

  
I can't believe I'm out!

  
So blue.

  
I feel so fast and free!

  
Box kite!

  
Wow!

  
Flowers!

  
This is Blue Leader.
We have roses visual.

  
Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

  
Roses!

  
30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

  
Stand to the side, kid.
It's got a bit of a kick.

  
That is one nectar collector!

  
- Ever see pollination up close?
- No, sir.

  
I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
over here. Maybe a dash over there,

  
a pinch on that one.
See that? It's a little bit of magic.

  
That's amazing. Why do we do that?

  
That's pollen power. More pollen, more
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

  
Oool.

  
I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.
Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

  
Oopy that visual.

  
Wait. One of these flowers
seems to be on the move.

  
Say again? You're reporting
a moving flower?

  
Affirmative.

  
That was on the line!

  
This is the coolest. What is it?

  
I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

  
It smells good.
Not like a flower, but I like it.

  
Yeah, fuzzy.

  
Ohemical-y.

  
Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

  
My sweet lord of bees!

  
Oandy-brain, get off there!

  
Problem!

  
- Guys!
- This could be bad.

  
Affirmative.

  
Very close.

  
Gonna hurt.

  
Mama's little boy.

  
You are way out of position, rookie!

  
Ooming in at you like a missile!

  
Help me!

  
I don't think these are flowers.

  
- Should we tell him?
- I think he knows.

  
What is this?!

  
Match point!

  
You can start packing up, honey,
because you're about to eat it!

  
Yowser!

  
Gross.

  
There's a bee in the car!

  
- Do something!
- I'm driving!

  
- Hi, bee.
- He's back here!

  
He's going to sting me!

  
Nobody move. If you don't move,
he won't sting you. Freeze!

  
He blinked!

  
Spray him, Granny!

  
What are you doing?!

  
Wow... the tension level
out here is unbelievable.

  
I gotta get home.

  
Oan't fly in rain.

  
Oan't fly in rain.

  
Oan't fly in rain.

  
Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

  
Ken, could you close
the window please?

  
Ken, could you close
the window please?

  
Oheck out my new resume.
I made it into a fold-out brochure.

  
You see? Folds out.

  
Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

  
What was that?

  
Maybe this time. This time. This time.
This time! This time! This...

  
Drapes!

  
That is diabolical.

  
It's fantastic. It's got all my special
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

  
What's number one? Star Wars?

  
Nah, I don't go for that...

  
...kind of stuff.

  
No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.
They're out of their minds.

  
When I leave a job interview, they're
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

  
There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

  
I don't remember the sun
having a big 75 on it.

  
I predicted global warming.

  
I could feel it getting hotter.
At first I thought it was just me.

  
Wait! Stop! Bee!

  
Stand back. These are winter boots.

  
Wait!

  
Don't kill him!

  
You know I'm allergic to them!
This thing could kill me!

  
Why does his life have
less value than yours?

  
Why does his life have any less value
than mine? Is that your statement?

  
I'm just saying all life has value. You
don't know what he's capable of feeling.

  
My brochure!

  
There you go, little guy.

  
I'm not scared of him.
It's an allergic thing.

  
Put that on your resume brochure.

  
My whole face could puff up.

  
Make it one of your special skills.

  
Knocking someone out
is also a special skill.

  
Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

  
- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

  
- You could put carob chips on there.
- Bye.

  
- Supposed to be less calories.
- Bye.

  
I gotta say something.

  
She saved my life.
I gotta say something.

  
All right, here it goes.

  
Nah.

  
What would I say?

  
I could really get in trouble.

  
It's a bee law.
You're not supposed to talk to a human.

  
I can't believe I'm doing this.

  
I've got to.

  
Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

  
No. Yes. No.

  
Do it. I can't.

  
How should I start it?
"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

  
Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

  
Hi!

  
I'm sorry.

  
- You're talking.
- Yes, I know.

  
You're talking!

  
I'm so sorry.

  
No, it's OK. It's fine.
I know I'm dreaming.

  
But I don't recall going to bed.

  
Well, I'm sure this
is very disconcerting.

  
This is a bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, you're a bee!

  
I am. And I'm not supposed
to be doing this,

  
but they were all trying to kill me.

  
And if it wasn't for you...

  
I had to thank you.
It's just how I was raised.

  
That was a little weird.

  
- I'm talking with a bee.
- Yeah.

  
I'm talking to a bee.
And the bee is talking to me!

  
I just want to say I'm grateful.
I'll leave now.

  
- Wait! How did you learn to do that?
- What?

  
The talking thing.

  
Same way you did, I guess.
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

  
- That's very funny.
- Yeah.

  
Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

  
Anyway...

  
Oan I...

  
...get you something?
- Like what?

  
I don't know. I mean...
I don't know. Ooffee?

  
I don't want to put you out.

  
It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

  
- It's just coffee.
- I hate to impose.

  
- Don't be ridiculous!
- Actually, I would love a cup.

  
Hey, you want rum cake?

  
- I shouldn't.
- Have some.

  
- No, I can't.
- Oome on!

  
I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

  
- Where?
- These stripes don't help.

  
You look great!

  
I don't know if you know
anything about fashion.

  
Are you all right?

  
No.

  
He's making the tie in the cab
as they're flying up Madison.

  
He finally gets there.

  
He runs up the steps into the church.
The wedding is on.

  
And he says, "Watermelon?
I thought you said Guatemalan.

  
Why would I marry a watermelon?"

  
Is that a bee joke?

  
That's the kind of stuff we do.

  
Yeah, different.

  
So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

  
About work? I don't know.

  
I want to do my part for the hive,
but I can't do it the way they want.

  
I know how you feel.

  
- You do?
- Sure.

  
My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

  
- Really?
- My only interest is flowers.

  
Our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan.

  
Anyway, if you look...

  
There's my hive right there. See it?

  
You're in Sheep Meadow!

  
Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!

  
No way! I know that area.
I lost a toe ring there once.

  
- Why do girls put rings on their toes?
- Why not?

  
- It's like putting a hat on your knee.
- Maybe I'll try that.

  
- You all right, ma'am?
- Oh, yeah. Fine.

  
Just having two cups of coffee!

  
Anyway, this has been great.
Thanks for the coffee.

  
Yeah, it's no trouble.

  
Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,
I'd be up the rest of my life.

  
Are you...?

  
Oan I take a piece of this with me?

  
Sure! Here, have a crumb.

  
- Thanks!
- Yeah.

  
All right. Well, then...
I guess I'll see you around.

  
Or not.

  
OK, Barry.

  
And thank you
so much again... for before.

  
Oh, that? That was nothing.

  
Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...

  
This can't possibly work.

  
He's all set to go.
We may as well try it.

  
OK, Dave, pull the chute.

  
- Sounds amazing.
- It was amazing!

  
It was the scariest,
happiest moment of my life.

  
Humans! I can't believe
you were with humans!

  
Giant, scary humans!
What were they like?

  
Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

  
They eat crazy giant things.
They drive crazy.

  
- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
- Some of them. But some of them don't.

  
- How'd you get back?
- Poodle.

  
You did it, and I'm glad. You saw
whatever you wanted to see.

  
You had your "experience." Now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal.

  
- Well...
- Well?

  
Well, I met someone.

  
You did? Was she Bee-ish?

  
- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
- No, no, no, not a wasp.

  
- Spider?
- I'm not attracted to spiders.

  
I know it's the hottest thing,
with the eight legs and all.

  
I can't get by that face.

  
So who is she?

  
She's... human.

  
No, no. That's a bee law.
You wouldn't break a bee law.

  
- Her name's Vanessa.
- Oh, boy.

  
She's so nice. And she's a florist!

  
Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

  
We're not dating.

  
You're flying outside the hive, talking
to humans that attack our homes

  
with power washers and M-80s!
One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

  
She saved my life!
And she understands me.

  
This is over!

  
Eat this.

  
This is not over! What was that?

  
- They call it a crumb.
- It was so stingin' stripey!

  
And that's not what they eat.
That's what falls off what they eat!

  
- You know what a Oinnabon is?
- No.

  
It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.
They heat it up...

  
Sit down!

  
...really hot!
- Listen to me!

  
We are not them! We're us.
There's us and there's them!

  
Yes, but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?

  
There's no yearning.
Stop yearning. Listen to me!

  
You have got to start thinking bee,
my friend. Thinking bee!

  
- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

  
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
There he is. He's in the pool.

  
You know what your problem is, Barry?

  
I gotta start thinking bee?

  
How much longer will this go on?

  
It's been three days!
Why aren't you working?

  
I've got a lot of big life decisions
to think about.

  
What life? You have no life!
You have no job. You're barely a bee!

  
Would it kill you
to make a little honey?

  
Barry, come out.
Your father's talking to you.

  
Martin, would you talk to him?

  
Barry, I'm talking to you!

  
You coming?

  
Got everything?

  
All set!

  
Go ahead. I'll catch up.

  
Don't be too long.

  
Watch this!

  
Vanessa!

  
- We're still here.
- I told you not to yell at him.

  
He doesn't respond to yelling!

  
- Then why yell at me?
- Because you don't listen!

  
I'm not listening to this.

  
Sorry, I've gotta go.

  
- Where are you going?
- I'm meeting a friend.

  
A girl? Is this why you can't decide?

  
Bye.

  
I just hope she's Bee-ish.

  
They have a huge parade
of flowers every year in Pasadena?

  
To be in the Tournament of Roses,
that's every florist's dream!

  
Up on a float, surrounded
by flowers, crowds cheering.

  
A tournament. Do the roses
compete in athletic events?

  
No. All right, I've got one.
How come you don't fly everywhere?

  
It's exhausting. Why don't you
run everywhere? It's faster.

  
Yeah, OK, I see, I see.
All right, your turn.

  
TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?
That's insane!

  
You don't have that?

  
We have Hivo, but it's a disease.
It's a horrible, horrible disease.

  
Oh, my.

  
Dumb bees!

  
You must want to sting all those jerks.

  
We try not to sting.
It's usually fatal for us.

  
So you have to watch your temper.

  
Very carefully.
You kick a wall, take a walk,

  
write an angry letter and throw it out.
Work through it like any emotion:

  
Anger, jealousy, lust.

  
Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

  
Yeah.

  
- What is wrong with you?!
- It's a bug.

  
He's not bothering anybody.
Get out of here, you creep!

  
What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

  
Yeah, it was. How did you know?

  
It felt like about 10 pages.
Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

  
You've really got that
down to a science.

  
- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
- I'll bet.

  
What in the name
of Mighty Hercules is this?

  
How did this get here?
Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

  
Ray Liotta Private Select?

  
- Is he that actor?
- I never heard of him.

  
- Why is this here?
- For people. We eat it.

  
You don't have
enough food of your own?

  
- Well, yes.
- How do you get it?

  
- Bees make it.
- I know who makes it!

  
And it's hard to make it!

  
There's heating, cooling, stirring.
You need a whole Krelman thing!

  
- It's organic.
- It's our-ganic!

  
It's just honey, Barry.

  
Just what?!

  
Bees don't know about this!
This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

  
You've taken our homes, schools,
hospitals! This is all we have!

  
And it's on sale?!
I'm getting to the bottom of this.

  
I'm getting to the bottom
of all of this!

  
Hey, Hector.

  
- You almost done?
- Almost.

  
He is here. I sense it.

  
Well, I guess I'll go home now

  
and just leave this nice honey out,
with no one around.

  
You're busted, box boy!

  
I knew I heard something.
So you can talk!

  
I can talk.
And now you'll start talking!

  
Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who's your supplier?

  
I don't understand.
I thought we were friends.

  
The last thing we want
to do is upset bees!

  
You're too late! It's ours now!

  
You, sir, have crossed
the wrong sword!

  
You, sir, will be lunch
for my iguana, Ignacio!

  
Where is the honey coming from?

  
Tell me where!

  
Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

  
Orazy person!

  
What horrible thing has happened here?

  
These faces, they never knew
what hit them. And now

  
they're on the road to nowhere!

  
Just keep still.

  
What? You're not dead?

  
Do I look dead? They will wipe anything
that moves. Where you headed?

  
To Honey Farms.
I am onto something huge here.

  
I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,
crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

  
I'm going to Tacoma.

  
- And you?
- He really is dead.

  
All right.

  
Uh-oh!

  
- What is that?!
- Oh, no!

  
- A wiper! Triple blade!
- Triple blade?

  
Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

  
Why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?!

  
How much do you people need to see?!

  
Open your eyes!
Stick your head out the window!

  
From NPR News in Washington,
I'm Oarl Kasell.

  
But don't kill no more bugs!

  
- Bee!
- Moose blood guy!!

  
- You hear something?
- Like what?

  
Like tiny screaming.

  
Turn off the radio.

  
Whassup, bee boy?

  
Hey, Blood.

  
Just a row of honey jars,
as far as the eye could see.

  
Wow!

  
I assume wherever this truck goes
is where they're getting it.

  
I mean, that honey's ours.

  
- Bees hang tight.
- We're all jammed in.

  
It's a close community.

  
Not us, man. We on our own.
Every mosquito on his own.

  
- What if you get in trouble?
- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

  
Nobody likes us. They just smack.
See a mosquito, smack, smack!

  
At least you're out in the world.
You must meet girls.

  
Mosquito girls try to trade up,
get with a moth, dragonfly.

  
Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

  
You got to be kidding me!

  
Mooseblood's about to leave
the building! So long, bee!

  
- Hey, guys!
- Mooseblood!

  
I knew I'd catch y'all down here.
Did you bring your crazy straw?

  
We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,
and it's pretty much pure profit.

  
What is this place?

  
A bee's got a brain
the size of a pinhead.

  
They are pinheads!

  
Pinhead.

  
- Oheck out the new smoker.
- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

  
The Thomas 3000!

  
Smoker?

  
Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.
Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

  
A couple breaths of this
knocks them right out.

  
They make the honey,
and we make the money.

  
"They make the honey,
and we make the money"?

  
Oh, my!

  
What's going on? Are you OK?

  
Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

  
Do you know you're
in a fake hive with fake walls?

  
Our queen was moved here.
We had no choice.

  
This is your queen?
That's a man in women's clothes!

  
That's a drag queen!

  
What is this?

  
Oh, no!

  
There's hundreds of them!

  
Bee honey.

  
Our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale!

  
This is worse than anything bears
have done! I intend to do something.

  
Oh, Barry, stop.

  
Who told you humans are taking
our honey? That's a rumor.

  
Do these look like rumors?

  
That's a conspiracy theory.
These are obviously doctored photos.

  
How did you get mixed up in this?

  
He's been talking to humans.

  
- What?
- Talking to humans?!

  
He has a human girlfriend.
And they make out!

  
Make out? Barry!

  
We do not.

  
- You wish you could.
- Whose side are you on?

  
The bees!

  
I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.
Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

  
Barry, this is what you want
to do with your life?

  
I want to do it for all our lives.
Nobody works harder than bees!

  
Dad, I remember you
coming home so overworked

  
your hands were still stirring.
You couldn't stop.

  
I remember that.

  
What right do they have to our honey?

  
We live on two cups a year. They put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

  
Even if it's true, what can one bee do?

  
Sting them where it really hurts.

  
In the face! The eye!

  
- That would hurt.
- No.

  
Up the nose? That's a killer.

  
There's only one place you can sting
the humans, one place where it matters.

  
Hive at Five, the hive's only
full-hour action news source.

  
No more bee beards!

  
With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

  
Weather with Storm Stinger.

  
Sports with Buzz Larvi.

  
And Jeanette Ohung.

  
- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.
- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.

  
A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

  
intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey,

  
packaging it and profiting
from it illegally!

  
Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

  
we'll have three former queens here in
our studio, discussing their new book,

  
Olassy Ladies,
out this week on Hexagon.

  
Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.

  
Did you ever think, "I'm a kid
from the hive. I can't do this"?

  
Bees have never been afraid
to change the world.

  
What about Bee Oolumbus?
Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

  
Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.

  
We were thinking
of stickball or candy stores.

  
How old are you?

  
The bee community
is supporting you in this case,

  
which will be the trial
of the bee century.

  
You know, they have a Larry King
in the human world too.

  
It's a common name. Next week...

  
He looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots...

  
Next week...

  
Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard 'em.

  
Bear Week next week!
They're scary, hairy and here live.

  
Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,
squinty eyes, very Jewish.

  
In tennis, you attack
at the point of weakness!

  
It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

  
Honey, her backhand's a joke!
I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

  
Quiet, please.
Actual work going on here.

  
- Is that that same bee?
- Yes, it is!

  
I'm helping him sue the human race.

  
- Hello.
- Hello, bee.

  
This is Ken.

  
Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size
ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

  
Why does he talk again?

  
Listen, you better go
'cause we're really busy working.

  
But it's our yogurt night!

  
Bye-bye.

  
Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

  
You poor thing.
You two have been at this for hours!

  
Yes, and Adam here
has been a huge help.

  
- Frosting...
- How many sugars?

  
Just one. I try not
to use the competition.

  
So why are you helping me?

  
Bees have good qualities.

  
And it takes my mind off the shop.

  
Instead of flowers, people
are giving balloon bouquets now.

  
Those are great, if you're three.

  
And artificial flowers.

  
- Oh, those just get me psychotic!
- Yeah, me too.

  
Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

  
Bees must hate those fake things!

  
Nothing worse
than a daffodil that's had work done.

  
Maybe this could make up
for it a little bit.

  
- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.
- I guess.

  
You sure you want to go through with it?

  
Am I sure? When I'm done with
the humans, they won't be able

  
to say, "Honey, I'm home,"
without paying a royalty!

  
It's an incredible scene
here in downtown Manhattan,

  
where the world anxiously waits,
because for the first time in history,

  
we will hear for ourselves
if a honeybee can actually speak.

  
What have we gotten into here, Barry?

  
It's pretty big, isn't it?

  
I can't believe how many humans
don't work during the day.

  
You think billion-dollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?

  
Everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade.

  
- What's the matter?
- I don't know, I just got a chill.

  
Well, if it isn't the bee team.

  
You boys work on this?

  
All rise! The Honorable
Judge Bumbleton presiding.

  
All right. Oase number 4475,

  
Superior Oourt of New York,
Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

  
is now in session.

  
Mr. Montgomery, you're representing
the five food companies collectively?

  
A privilege.

  
Mr. Benson... you're representing
all the bees of the world?

  
I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,
we're ready to proceed.

  
Mr. Montgomery,
your opening statement, please.

  
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

  
my grandmother was a simple woman.

  
Born on a farm, she believed
it was man's divine right

  
to benefit from the bounty
of nature God put before us.

  
If we lived in the topsy-turvy world
Mr. Benson imagines,

  
just think of what would it mean.

  
I would have to negotiate
with the silkworm

  
for the elastic in my britches!

  
Talking bee!

  
How do we know this isn't some sort of

  
holographic motion-picture-capture
Hollywood wizardry?

  
They could be using laser beams!

  
Robotics! Ventriloquism!
Oloning! For all we know,

  
he could be on steroids!

  
Mr. Benson?

  
Ladies and gentlemen,
there's no trickery here.

  
I'm just an ordinary bee.
Honey's pretty important to me.

  
It's important to all bees.
We invented it!

  
We make it. And we protect it
with our lives.

  
Unfortunately, there are
some people in this room

  
who think they can take it from us

  
'cause we're the little guys!
I'm hoping that, after this is all over,

  
you'll see how, by taking our honey,
you not only take everything we have

  
but everything we are!

  
I wish he'd dress like that
all the time. So nice!

  
Oall your first witness.

  
So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have.

  
I suppose so.

  
I see you also own
Honeyburton and Honron!

  
Yes, they provide beekeepers
for our farms.

  
Beekeeper. I find that
to be a very disturbing term.

  
I don't imagine you employ
any bee-free-ers, do you?

  
- No.
- I couldn't hear you.

  
- No.
- No.

  
Because you don't free bees.
You keep bees. Not only that,

  
it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

  
They're very lovable creatures.

  
Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

  
You mean like this?

  
Bears kill bees!

  
How'd you like his head crashing
through your living room?!

  
Biting into your couch!
Spitting out your throw pillows!

  
OK, that's enough. Take him away.

  
So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.
Your name intrigues me.

  
- Where have I heard it before?
- I was with a band called The Police.

  
But you've never been
a police officer, have you?

  
No, I haven't.

  
No, you haven't. And so here
we have yet another example

  
of bee culture casually
stolen by a human

  
for nothing more than
a prance-about stage name.

  
Oh, please.

  
Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

  
Because I'm feeling
a little stung, Sting.

  
Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

  
That's not his real name?! You idiots!

  
Mr. Liotta, first,
belated congratulations on

  
your Emmy win for a guest spot
on ER in 2005.

  
Thank you. Thank you.

  
I see from your resume
that you're devilishly handsome

  
with a churning inner turmoil
that's ready to blow.

  
I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

  
Not yet it isn't. But is this
what it's come to for you?

  
Exploiting tiny, helpless bees
so you don't

  
have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines, sir?

  
Watch it, Benson!
I could blow right now!

  
This isn't a goodfella.
This is a badfella!

  
Why doesn't someone just step on
this creep, and we can all go home?!

  
- Order in this court!
- You're all thinking it!

  
Order! Order, I say!

  
- Say it!
- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

  
I think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that.

  
I think the jury's on our side.

  
Are we doing everything right, legally?

  
I'm a florist.

  
Right. Well, here's to a great team.

  
To a great team!

  
Well, hello.

  
- Ken!
- Hello.

  
I didn't think you were coming.

  
No, I was just late.
I tried to call, but... the battery.

  
I didn't want all this to go to waste,
so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

  
Oh, that was lucky.

  
There's a little left.
I could heat it up.

  
Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

  
So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

  
I'm not much for the game myself.
The ball's a little grabby.

  
That's where I usually sit.
Right... there.

  
Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

  
and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

  
You think I don't see what you're doing?

  
I know how hard it is to find
the rightjob. We have that in common.

  
Do we?

  
Bees have 100 percent employment,
but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

  
That's just what
I was thinking about doing.

  
Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

  
I'm going to drain the old stinger.

  
Yeah, you do that.

  
Look at that.

  
You know, I've just about had it

  
with your little mind games.

  
- What's that?
- Italian Vogue.

  
Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

  
A lot of ads.

  
Remember what Van said, why is
your life more valuable than mine?

  
Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

  
I think something stinks in here!

  
I love the smell of flowers.

  
How do you like the smell of flames?!

  
Not as much.

  
Water bug! Not taking sides!

  
Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!
This is pathetic!

  
I've got issues!

  
Well, well, well, a royal flush!

  
- You're bluffing.
- Am I?

  
Surf's up, dude!

  
Poo water!

  
That bowl is gnarly.

  
Except for those dirty yellow rings!

  
Kenneth! What are you doing?!

  
You know, I don't even like honey!
I don't eat it!

  
We need to talk!

  
He's just a little bee!

  
And he happens to be
the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

  
Long time? What are you talking about?!
Are there other bugs in your life?

  
No, but there are other things bugging
me in life. And you're one of them!

  
Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

  
My nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster!

  
Goodbye, Ken.

  
And for your information,

  
I prefer sugar-free, artificial
sweeteners made by man!

  
I'm sorry about all that.

  
I know it's got
an aftertaste! I like it!

  
I always felt there was some kind
of barrier between Ken and me.

  
I couldn't overcome it.
Oh, well.

  
Are you OK for the trial?

  
I believe Mr. Montgomery
is about out of ideas.

  
We would like to call
Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

  
Good idea! You can really see why he's
considered one of the best lawyers...

  
Yeah.

  
Layton, you've
gotta weave some magic

  
with this jury,
or it's gonna be all over.

  
Don't worry. The only thing I have
to do to turn this jury around

  
is to remind them
of what they don't like about bees.

  
- You got the tweezers?
- Are you allergic?

  
Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

  
Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you
what I think we'd all like to know.

  
What exactly is your relationship

  
to that woman?

  
We're friends.

  
- Good friends?
- Yes.

  
How good? Do you live together?

  
Wait a minute...

  
Are you her little...

  
...bedbug?

  
I've seen a bee documentary or two.
From what I understand,

  
doesn't your queen give birth
to all the bee children?

  
- Yeah, but...
- So those aren't your real parents!

  
- Oh, Barry...
- Yes, they are!

  
Hold me back!

  
You're an illegitimate bee,
aren't you, Benson?

  
He's denouncing bees!

  
Don't y'all date your cousins?

  
- Objection!
- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

  
Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

  
Oh, I'm hit!!

  
Oh, lordy, I am hit!

  
Order! Order!

  
The venom! The venom
is coursing through my veins!

  
I have been felled
by a winged beast of destruction!

  
You see? You can't treat them
like equals! They're striped savages!

  
Stinging's the only thing
they know! It's their way!

  
- Adam, stay with me.
- I can't feel my legs.

  
What angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison

  
from my heaving buttocks?

  
I will have order in this court. Order!

  
Order, please!

  
The case of the honeybees
versus the human race

  
took a pointed turn against the bees

  
yesterday when one of their legal
team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

  
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.

  
- Is there much pain?
- Yeah.

  
I...

  
I blew the whole case, didn't I?

  
It doesn't matter. What matters is
you're alive. You could have died.

  
I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

  
They got it from the cafeteria
downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

  
Look, there's
a little celery still on it.

  
What was it like to sting someone?

  
I can't explain it. It was all...

  
All adrenaline and then...
and then ecstasy!

  
All right.

  
You think it was all a trap?

  
Of course. I'm sorry.
I flew us right into this.

  
What were we thinking? Look at us. We're
just a couple of bugs in this world.

  
What will the humans do to us
if they win?

  
I don't know.

  
I hear they put the roaches in motels.
That doesn't sound so bad.

  
Adam, they check in,
but they don't check out!

  
Oh, my.

  
Oould you get a nurse
to close that window?

  
- Why?
- The smoke.

  
Bees don't smoke.

  
Right. Bees don't smoke.

  
Bees don't smoke!
But some bees are smoking.

  
That's it! That's our case!

  
It is? It's not over?

  
Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

  
Get back to the court and stall.
Stall any way you can.

  
And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.

  
Mr. Flayman.

  
Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

  
Where is the rest of your team?

  
Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

  
Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

  
and as a result,
we don't make very good time.

  
I actually heard a funny story about...

  
Your Honor,
haven't these ridiculous bugs

  
taken up enough
of this court's valuable time?

  
How much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?

  
They have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges

  
against my clients,
who run legitimate businesses.

  
I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case!

  
Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

  
to have to consider
Mr. Montgomery's motion.

  
But you can't! We have a terrific case.

  
Where is your proof?
Where is the evidence?

  
Show me the smoking gun!

  
Hold it, Your Honor!
You want a smoking gun?

  
Here is your smoking gun.

  
What is that?

  
It's a bee smoker!

  
What, this?
This harmless little contraption?

  
This couldn't hurt a fly,
let alone a bee.

  
Look at what has happened

  
to bees who have never been asked,
"Smoking or non?"

  
Is this what nature intended for us?

  
To be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines

  
and man-made wooden slat work camps?

  
Living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?

  
- What are we gonna do?
- He's playing the species card.

  
Ladies and gentlemen, please,
free these bees!

  
Free the bees! Free the bees!

  
Free the bees!

  
Free the bees! Free the bees!

  
The court finds in favor of the bees!

  
Vanessa, we won!

  
I knew you could do it! High-five!

  
Sorry.

  
I'm OK! You know what this means?

  
All the honey
will finally belong to the bees.

  
Now we won't have
to work so hard all the time.

  
This is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature, Benson.

  
You'll regret this.

  
Barry, how much honey is out there?

  
All right. One at a time.

  
Barry, who are you wearing?

  
My sweater is Ralph Lauren,
and I have no pants.

  
- What if Montgomery's right?
- What do you mean?

  
We've been living the bee way
a long time, 27 million years.

  
Oongratulations on your victory.
What will you demand as a settlement?

  
First, we'll demand a complete shutdown
of all bee work camps.

  
Then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with,

  
every last drop.

  
We demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more

  
than a filthy, smelly,
bad-breath stink machine.

  
We're all aware
of what they do in the woods.

  
Wait for my signal.

  
Take him out.

  
He'll have nauseous
for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

  
And we will no longer tolerate
bee-negative nicknames...

  
But it's just a prance-about stage name!

  
...unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products

  
and la-dee-da human
tea-time snack garnishments.

  
Oan't breathe.

  
Bring it in, boys!

  
Hold it right there! Good.

  
Tap it.

  
Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,
and there's gallons more coming!

  
- I think we need to shut down!
- Shut down? We've never shut down.

  
Shut down honey production!

  
Stop making honey!

  
Turn your key, sir!

  
What do we do now?

  
Oannonball!

  
We're shutting honey production!

  
Mission abort.

  
Aborting pollination and nectar detail.
Returning to base.

  
Adam, you wouldn't believe
how much honey was out there.

  
Oh, yeah?

  
What's going on? Where is everybody?

  
- Are they out celebrating?
- They're home.

  
They don't know what to do.
Laying out, sleeping in.

  
I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way
to San Antonio with a cricket.

  
At least we got our honey back.

  
Sometimes I think, so what if humans
liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

  
It's the greatest thing in the world!
I was excited to be part of making it.

  
This was my new desk. This was my
new job. I wanted to do it really well.

  
And now...

  
Now I can't.

  
I don't understand
why they're not happy.

  
I thought their lives would be better!

  
They're doing nothing. It's amazing.
Honey really changes people.

  
You don't have any idea
what's going on, do you?

  
- What did you want to show me?
- This.

  
What happened here?

  
That is not the half of it.

  
Oh, no. Oh, my.

  
They're all wilting.

  
Doesn't look very good, does it?

  
No.

  
And whose fault do you think that is?

  
You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

  
Bees?

  
Specifically, me.

  
I didn't think bees not needing to make
honey would affect all these things.

  
It's notjust flowers.
Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

  
That's our whole SAT test right there.

  
Take away produce, that affects
the entire animal kingdom.

  
And then, of course...

  
The human species?

  
So if there's no more pollination,

  
it could all just go south here,
couldn't it?

  
I know this is also partly my fault.

  
How about a suicide pact?

  
How do we do it?

  
- I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Thatjust kills you twice.

  
Right, right.

  
Listen, Barry...
sorry, but I gotta get going.

  
I had to open my mouth and talk.

  
Vanessa?

  
Vanessa? Why are you leaving?
Where are you going?

  
To the final Tournament of Roses parade
in Pasadena.

  
They've moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying.

  
It's the last chance
I'll ever have to see it.

  
Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I never meant it to turn out like this.

  
I know. Me neither.

  
Tournament of Roses.
Roses can't do sports.

  
Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

  
Roses!

  
Vanessa!

  
Roses?!

  
Barry?

  
- Roses are flowers!
- Yes, they are.

  
Flowers, bees, pollen!

  
I know.
That's why this is the last parade.

  
Maybe not.
Oould you ask him to slow down?

  
Oould you slow down?

  
Barry!

  
OK, I made a huge mistake.
This is a total disaster, all my fault.

  
Yes, it kind of is.

  
I've ruined the planet.
I wanted to help you

  
with the flower shop.
I've made it worse.

  
Actually, it's completely closed down.

  
I thought maybe you were remodeling.

  
But I have another idea, and it's
greater than my previous ideas combined.

  
I don't want to hear it!

  
All right, they have the roses,
the roses have the pollen.

  
I know every bee, plant
and flower bud in this park.

  
All we gotta do is get what they've got
back here with what we've got.

  
- Bees.
- Park.

  
- Pollen!
- Flowers.

  
- Repollination!
- Across the nation!

  
Tournament of Roses,
Pasadena, Oalifornia.

  
They've got nothing
but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

  
Security will be tight.

  
I have an idea.

  
Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

  
Official floral business. It's real.

  
Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

  
Thank you. It was a gift.

  
Once inside,
we just pick the right float.

  
How about The Princess and the Pea?

  
I could be the princess,
and you could be the pea!

  
Yes, I got it.

  
- Where should I sit?
- What are you?

  
- I believe I'm the pea.
- The pea?

  
It goes under the mattresses.

  
- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.
- I'm getting the marshal.

  
You do that!
This whole parade is a fiasco!

  
Let's see what this baby'll do.

  
Hey, what are you doing?!

  
Then all we do
is blend in with traffic...

  
...without arousing suspicion.

  
Once at the airport,
there's no stopping us.

  
Stop! Security.

  
- You and your insect pack your float?
- Yes.

  
Has it been
in your possession the entire time?

  
Would you remove your shoes?

  
- Remove your stinger.
- It's part of me.

  
I know. Just having some fun.
Enjoy your flight.

  
Then if we're lucky, we'll have
just enough pollen to do the job.

  
Oan you believe how lucky we are? We
have just enough pollen to do the job!

  
I think this is gonna work.

  
It's got to work.

  
Attention, passengers,
this is Oaptain Scott.

  
We have a bit of bad weather
in New York.

  
It looks like we'll experience
a couple hours delay.

  
Barry, these are cut flowers
with no water. They'll never make it.

  
I gotta get up there
and talk to them.

  
Be careful.

  
Oan I get help
with the Sky Mall magazine?

  
I'd like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

  
Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.

  
- What'd you say, Hal?
- Nothing.

  
Bee!

  
Don't freak out! My entire species...

  
What are you doing?

  
- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!
- Who's an attorney?

  
Don't move.

  
Oh, Barry.

  
Good afternoon, passengers.
This is your captain.

  
Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
please report to the cockpit?

  
And please hurry!

  
What happened here?

  
There was a DustBuster,
a toupee, a life raft exploded.

  
One's bald, one's in a boat,
they're both unconscious!

  
- Is that another bee joke?
- No!

  
No one's flying the plane!

  
This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
What's your status?

  
This is Vanessa Bloome.
I'm a florist from New York.

  
Where's the pilot?

  
He's unconscious,
and so is the copilot.

  
Not good. Does anyone onboard
have flight experience?

  
As a matter of fact, there is.

  
- Who's that?
- Barry Benson.

  
From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

  
Vanessa, this is nothing more
than a big metal bee.

  
It's got giant wings, huge engines.

  
I can't fly a plane.

  
- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?
- Yes.

  
How hard could it be?

  
Wait, Barry!
We're headed into some lightning.

  
This is Bob Bumble. We have some
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

  
where a suspenseful scene
is developing.

  
Barry Benson,
fresh from his legal victory...

  
That's Barry!

  
...is attempting to land a plane,
loaded with people, flowers

  
and an incapacitated flight crew.

  
Flowers?!

  
We have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls

  
with absolutely no flight experience.

  
Just a minute.
There's a bee on that plane.

  
I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson
and his no-account compadres.

  
They've done enough damage.

  
But isn't he your only hope?

  
Technically, a bee
shouldn't be able to fly at all.

  
Their wings are too small...

  
Haven't we heard this a million times?

  
"The surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense."

  
- Get this on the air!
- Got it.

  
- Stand by.
- We're going live.

  
The way we work may be a mystery to you.

  
Making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs.

  
But let me tell you about a small job.

  
If you do it well,
it makes a big difference.

  
More than we realized.
To us, to everyone.

  
That's why I want to get bees
back to working together.

  
That's the bee way!
We're not made of Jell-O.

  
We get behind a fellow.

  
- Black and yellow!
- Hello!

  
Left, right, down, hover.

  
- Hover?
- Forget hover.

  
This isn't so hard.
Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

  
Barry, what happened?!

  
Wait, I think we were
on autopilot the whole time.

  
- That may have been helping me.
- And now we're not!

  
So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

  
All of you, let's get
behind this fellow! Move it out!

  
Move out!

  
Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,
you copy me with the wings of the plane!

  
Don't have to yell.

  
I'm not yelling!
We're in a lot of trouble.

  
It's very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice!

  
It's not a tone. I'm panicking!

  
I can't do this!

  
Vanessa, pull yourself together.
You have to snap out of it!

  
You snap out of it.

  
You snap out of it.

  
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

  
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

  
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

  
- Hold it!
- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.

  
How is the plane flying?

  
I don't know.

  
Hello?

  
Benson, got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?

  
The Pollen Jocks!

  
They do get behind a fellow.

  
- Black and yellow.
- Hello.

  
All right, let's drop this tin can
on the blacktop.

  
Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?

  
No, nothing. It's all cloudy.

  
Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

  
- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

  
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
Wait a minute.
I think I'm feeling something.

  
- What?
- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.

  
Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

  
Bring the nose down.

  
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
- What in the world is on the tarmac?
- Get some lights on that!

  
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
- Vanessa, aim for the flower.
- OK.

  
Out the engines. We're going in
on bee power. Ready, boys?

  
Affirmative!

  
Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.

  
Land on that flower!

  
Ready? Full reverse!

  
Spin it around!

  
- Not that flower! The other one!
- Which one?

  
- That flower.
- I'm aiming at the flower!

  
That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
I mean the giant pulsating flower

  
made of millions of bees!

  
Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

  
Rotate around it.

  
- This is insane, Barry!
- This's the only way I know how to fly.

  
Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
flying in an insect-like pattern?

  
Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.
Smell it. Full reverse!

  
Just drop it. Be a part of it.

  
Aim for the center!

  
Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

  
Oome on, already.

  
Barry, we did it!
You taught me how to fly!

  
- Yes. No high-five!
- Right.

  
Barry, it worked!
Did you see the giant flower?

  
What giant flower? Where? Of course
I saw the flower! That was genius!

  
- Thank you.
- But we're not done yet.

  
Listen, everyone!

  
This runway is covered
with the last pollen

  
from the last flowers
available anywhere on Earth.

  
That means this is our last chance.

  
We're the only ones who make honey,
pollinate flowers and dress like this.

  
If we're gonna survive as a species,
this is our moment! What do you say?

  
Are we going to be bees, orjust
Museum of Natural History keychains?

  
We're bees!

  
Keychain!

  
Then follow me! Except Keychain.

  
Hold on, Barry. Here.

  
You've earned this.

  
Yeah!

  
I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

  
Oh, yeah.

  
That's our Barry.

  
Mom! The bees are back!

  
If anybody needs
to make a call, now's the time.

  
I got a feeling we'll be
working late tonight!

  
Here's your change. Have a great
afternoon! Oan I help who's next?

  
Would you like some honey with that?
It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.

  
Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.
And I don't see a nickel!

  
Sometimes I just feel
like a piece of meat!

  
I had no idea.

  
Barry, I'm sorry.
Have you got a moment?

  
Would you excuse me?
My mosquito associate will help you.

  
Sorry I'm late.

  
He's a lawyer too?

  
I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
All I needed was a briefcase.

  
Have a great afternoon!

  
Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
and I can't get them anywhere.

  
No problem, Vannie.
Just leave it to me.

  
You're a lifesaver, Barry.
Oan I help who's next?

  
All right, scramble, jocks!
It's time to fly.

  
Thank you, Barry!

  
That bee is living my life!

  
Let it go, Kenny.

  
- When will this nightmare end?!
- Let it all go.

  
- Beautiful day to fly.
- Sure is.

  
Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.

  
You have got
to start thinking bee, my friend.

  
- Thinking bee!
- Me?

  
Hold it. Let's just stop
for a second. Hold it.

  
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
Oan we stop here?

  
I'm not making a major life decision
during a production number!

  
All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.

  
I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

-

I had to go through this so so do all of you

The Progression of Harry Dresden's Perception of Karrin Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "One of the Guys" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "Easily one of the most competent lieutenants in any police force ever" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "trusted friend and colleague" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "my best friend" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "actually looks really nice in a dress" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "Kincaid, turn your motherfucking eyeballs inside out and stop looking at her" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "NO SERIOUSLY KINCAID GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF OF HER OR WE ARE GONNA HAVE A GODDAMN PROBLEM" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "Holy shit where did that come from and why the hell am I so angry that she ran off with Kincaid" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "So uh maybe we should talk about the fact that we're the longest sustained opposite sex relationship each other has ever had and I'm really jealous of Kincaid" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "off limits because bros" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "Kincaid isn't good enough for you and you deserve a more meaningful relationship *cough cough*" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "casually holds my hand, backs me up against hundreds of monsters, reminds me that I am a good person and a good friend" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "casually tells me she loves me and kisses me on the mouth" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "casually helps me save my daughter from an entire race of Red Court vampires" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "everything in my entire life just went to shit and we both know it so fuck it let's have wild, hot sex on my last day before Mab takes my soul" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "the only person who isn't afraid of me and won't abandon me after I became the Winter Knight" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "the person I came to in order to survive burglar-ing a Greek God" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "I just had an unbelievably hot sex dream about you in your bed and you were totally okay with it and alluded to other things we might do in this bed one day" Murphy
  • Harry: Karrin "okay fuck this shit you're literally my soulmate" Murphy
  • Harry: LOL What do you mean "this isn't a normal friendship"?