we're just as sane as you and look how we all are

Meanwhile, a recap on Jon and Sansa's 'unadulterated platonic relationship'
  • S05E07
  • Sansa, after being raped and abused: ...but you are a bastard
  • Ramsay: (this girl never learn does she?) well you know who else is a bastard? Jon Snow
  • Sansa: Jon Snow who?
  • Ramsay: this dumb bitch... Your half-brother!! Remember? He's Lord Commander now. Another bastard rising. Bastards for the win!
  • --
  • S06E04
  • After 84 years... (The first Stark reunion, i sure TF am crying)
  • Jonsa: (intently stares at each other for 30 seconds and the hug™)
  • -
  • Sansa: *reminisce childhood memories*
  • Sansa: im sorry im an ass to you and havent really treated you as my brother until now
  • Jon: nah. It's not your fault
  • Sansa: i was awful, just admit it
  • Jon: (snorts) well what you gonna do. I was always been a brooder
  • Sansa: can you forgive me?
  • Jon: theres nothing to forgive
  • Sansa; forgive meee : (
  • Jon: okay. :)
  • Sansa: :)
  • Sansa: *tries to be cool by drinking ale, but fails miserably)
  • Jon: (oh shes so cute, my cute little sister)
  • Sansa: okay but real talk where will you go?
  • Jon: me? There's no more 'me'. There's only you and I.
  • Sansa: fine. Where will WE go?
  • Jon: we can't stay here
  • Sansa: Home™. We have to go home.
  • Jon: you crazy?? Boltons are there and i'm tired of fighting.
  • Sansa: that is the wrong attitude, Jon!! We are going home and winning Winterfell, even if it's the last thing I do!!
  • -
  • Jon: *reads 'you traitor bastard', 'rickon is here', 'sansa is my wife'* okay im done
  • Sansa: no go on. *reads basically ramsay being the psychopath that he is* you see my point now?
  • Jon: we have no army to fight
  • Sansa: *the hand hold™* you are father's son. We need to take back what is ours.
  • Jon: okay
  • -
  • S06E05
  • Sansa: the North remembers and they remember the Starks
  • Ser Davos: ok. But Jon is not a Stark.
  • Sansa: but I am. And idc, he IS my father's son.
  • -
  • Brienne: im your sworn shield. Im not gonna leave you here alone w these untrustworthy dudes
  • Sansa: im here w Jon
  • Brienne: jon is ok. He's too dark, but okay. Others, not too much. Esp the bearded-guy. He's so obsessed w me.
  • Sansa: (snorts) but Jon is not others. Jon is my bro. 'Jon is Jon'™. He'll keep me safe. I trust him
  • Brienne: then why the fuck you lyin' to him?
  • -
  • Jon: new dress?
  • Sansa: i made it myself. Did you like it?
  • Jon: i LOVE it!! I mean, the wolf?? The details are so intricate. Such a talented hand!
  • Sansa: awww. Well, good cause i made one for you too. *hands the cloak™* since you're gonna be Ned 2.0, you should dress the part.
  • Jon: thank you, Sansa.
  • Sansa: You're welcome :)
  • Jon: *grins like an idiot* (wtf just happened)
  • -
  • S06E07
  • Lyanna: Bear islands knows no King but the king in the North whose name is Stark. I see no Stark. You're a Snow. And your sister is a Bolton, or a Lannister. Who knows anymore
  • Sansa: hun, the fact that I'm here in one piece and still sane after the idiot mad king Joffrey, and the psychopath sicko Ramsey should speak for myself.
  • Ser Davos: *gives motivational speech*
  • Lyanna: ok. I'll give you 62 o our men
  • Later, Sansa: did we just stand there and get dragged for 62 men?
  • -
  • S06E09
  • Jon: you dont have to be here
  • Sansa: yes, i do.
  • Ramsay: aww. My beloved wife. Ive missed you terribly. Thank you for returning Lady Bolton safely. Now bend the knee.
  • Jon: i think TF not. One on one, you and me.
  • Ramsay: you kidding me? You're the best swordsman in the North, no one is dumb enough to fight you one on one. Whats the point of having an army, if you wont use it?
  • Jon: will your army fight for you if you wont fight for them?
  • Ramsay: oh wow Sansa. You got yourself a fine young man right here. Jon snow, your pride will be the death of your little bro
  • Sansa: how do we know you have him?
  • Ramsay: *throws Shaggydog head*
  • Sansa: oh now you've crossed the line, consider yourself dead tom. *dramatic exit*
  • Ramsay: she's a fine woman, your sister. I look forward to having her back in my bed. ofc you guys are fine too. My dogs are starving for you.
  • -
  • Men talks military strategies.
  • Jon: i want him angry. I want him making a mistake.
  • Sansa: youve met him for 6 seconds and you think you know him. Ive lived w him. I know him. Did it ever occur to you to ask my opinion?!
  • Jon: okay. You're right.
  • Sansa: *rants about Ramsay being manipulative* he's been doing it all his life
  • Jon: hun, i've defended the Wall from Giants and barbaric cannibals with what? 100 people? I think i can handle Ramsay Bolton just fine
  • Sansa: you dont know him
  • Jon: okay. Then tell me. Whats YOUR plan?
  • Sansa: idk!! Dont ask me!! Just dont be stupid
  • Jon: ????
  • Sansa: *continues to tell jon they need more men BUT not telling him they can have the knights of the Vale*
  • Sansa: if Ramsay wins, im not going back there alive
  • Jon: i wont ever let him touch you again. I'll protect you, i promise.
  • Sansa: i'd like to see you try.
  • -
  • Jon: if i die, dont bring me back
  • Red woman: im not your servant
  • Jon: you're in my camp. Im your Commander
  • -
  • Jon: *probably forgets his plan and that he's the Commander, so he stupidly marches front and center to the Boltons*
  • Ser Davos: *waited until Jon Snow is halfway through the battlefield* Go! go!! Follow your stupid commander!!
  • -
  • Ramsay: oh well, since my army is gone. How about i take you up w your offer? One on one?
  • Jon: bitch... *finally beats the crap out of Ramsay but stops when he sees Sansa*
  • -
  • Sansa: Jon. Where is he?
  • --
  • S06E10
  • Jon: im having the Lord's chamber prepared for you.
  • Sansa: you should take it.
  • Jon: no you take it.
  • Sansa: no you!!
  • Jon: 'I'm not a Stark'™
  • Sansa: You are to me.
  • Jon: You're the Lady of Winterfell. You're the reason why we're standing here. You. The knights of the Vale rode for you. Speaking of, you wanna tell me why you never mentioned you have a battalion in your pocket?
  • Sansa: oops. Sorry?
  • Jon: (comes closer) we need to trust each other. *forehead kiss™ that lasted a little longer*
  • -
  • *Sansa sits at the left side of Jon, looking proud as the North names him King in the North*
  • --
  • S07E01
  • Jon: you are my sis but i'm king now. You cant undermine me.
  • Sansa: i cant tell you when youre being an idiot? Bec joffrey--
  • Jon: *shookt* you think i'm like joffrey??
  • Sansa: (softens) no
  • Jon: thank you
  • Sansa: you're good at this
  • Jon: psh. No.
  • Sansa: you areee. They respect you but--
  • Jon: (laughs) everything before the word 'but' is horse shit.
  • Sansa: ok. Whatever. Stop babying me
  • Jon: i'll stop if you stop undermining me.
  • Sansa: i would never!! *grabs hand*
  • Jon: (this girl cant keep her hand to herself)
  • Sansa: i love dad and Robb but they are idiots. And you know what happens to idiots? They die. So dont be an idiot
  • Jon: And how should i be smarter? By listening to you?
  • Sansa: that would definitely be a first.
  • *insert ned/cat parallel here*
  • -
  • Sansa: youre so obsessed w the Night king, you forgot about the Incest queen in the South.
  • Jon: im obsessed w him bec i saw the fantasy shit he has beyond the wall
  • Sansa: hun, the South has their own fuckery. Father underestimated Cersei, that obvs didnt turn out so well
  • Jon: ok but--
  • Sansa: Jon, you've read the Art of War by Ned Stark. I've read the one by Cersei.
  • Jon: Did she sign your copy?
  • Sansa: Yes. I'm her number one stan.
  • -
  • S07E02
  • Jon: *after Sam tells him there is dragonglass in dragonstone which lol Ser Davos DID NOT even mention) i should go to dragonstone.
  • Sansa: Jon 'reckless, stubborn, you know nothing' Snow! What did we talk about being an idiot? Have you forgotten why father fought the mad king in the first place? That girl is dangerous!!
  • Everyone: we need the King in the North in the North!!
  • Jon: North is my home. And i will never stop fighting for it. But we need allies
  • Sansa: you're abandoning me!! You're abandoning our home!! (Stay)
  • Jon: You'll be safe here. I'll leave Ghost to you. And you'll keep everyone safe. Until I return, the North is yours. (This is me trusting you)
  • Sansa: okay.
  • -
  • LF: *blah blah blah*
  • Jon: (oh god. When will he ever stop talking? Is it too much to ask for a moment of silence around here? I just wanna be emo w my homies)
  • Littlefinger: i love Sansa--
  • Jon: (snaps and chokes LF) istg you touch her and i'll kill you myself
  • -
  • LF: so that was a little intense. Oh Cat 2.0!! There you are!! Hellooo!!
  • Jon: *looks back and waves at Sansa before leaving - ala Brienne & Jaime style*
  • LF: damn. At Ned 2.0? Story of my life, huh?
  • --
  • S07E03
  • Tyrion: And Sansa. Does she miss me terribly?
  • Jon: (i'd be careful of what you say next)
  • Tyrion: well i've never touched her and i was really nice to her
  • Jon: oh good. I mean idc. But that's really great. I'd hate to almost kill you myself. Not that i care.
  • -
  • Jon: *looks like fine snack at the mountain top* i miss home.
  • Tyrion: *subtly ships Jonaerys*
  • Jon: (rolls eyes) you know what's real? The White Walkers.
  • -
  • Bran: *comes back to WF but is cryptic AF*
  • Sansa: i wish Jon were here
  • Bran: and you were so beautiful, in your white wedding dress--
  • Sansa: (kim kardashian voice) if you know how i feel why would u say that like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation like u know im not happy i know im trying to see if it will work out here and i know that its not--
  • --
  • S07E04
  • Arya: jon left you in charge?
  • Sansa: he did. I hope he comes back soon. I remember how stoked he was to see me. We're buddy-buddies now. His heart will probs stop if sees you.
  • -
  • Ser Davos: so you and the Pretty dragon lady.*nudge, nudge* jonaerys is real. I ship it. Bec i saw you look at her direction for .1 second and i know foh shure you are secretly in love w her. I have the receipts.
  • Jon: you're delusional™
  • Theon: Sansa--
  • Jon: (loses his shit) you think i'll be tired of going all batshit crazy over someone mentioning her name?? Your traitorous coward useless ass can choke
  • Ser Davos: (this damn bastard cant keep it together ffs)
  • -
  • S07E05
  • Northerns lords: *kiss ass to Sansa*
  • Sansa: ok thats nice but Jon is our king. Im a loyal ho, you fake ass lords cant relate.
  • -
  • Sansa, probably: Jon I wish you can come back v soon. I miss you. Obviously Ghost does too, remember him? The Northern lords Are bipolar fuckers who are as loyal as fake fans are. Arya and Bran are back but they've gone cray cray. PS. Bran says the undeadz are heading towards the Eastwatch. He has visions now.
  • --
  • S07E06
  • Arya: *hypocritical speech about something that happened 6 seasons ago*
  • Sansa: sis i love u but stfu. Even tho Jon is an idiot, he gives me credit that i deserve. We won Winterfell back because of ME--
  • Arya: 'Sis', idk about you and Jon and but 'I' single-handedly avenged the Red Wedding by wiping the Freys out. But go awf i guess.
  • -
  • Sansa: their loyalty is to Jon. Which is debatable btw. Jon had left me on seenzone for weeks.
  • LF: doesnt matter. He left you in charge. The North likes you
  • Sansa: those lords probably doesnt even know what 'loyalty' is. If they found out about the letter I wrote 6 seasons ago when my character hasnt developed yet, by the time Jon comes back, he'll have no army left
  • LF: ok but Arya is your sister. She wouldn betray you
  • Sansa: she would if she thinks i'm going to betray Jon. Which is never gonna happen.
  • --
  • Meanwhile,
  • Jon: i serve the North
  • Also, Jon: i'd bend the knee but...
  • Please be mine: I can't stop the rain from falling
  • Can't stop my heart from calling you
  • Hold on: When you love someone and they break your heart, don’t give up on love, have faith, restart. Just hold on.
  • Goodnight and Goodbye: I feel like we have fallen apart, open up your eyes girl and see, how wonderful this love could be.
  • Hello Beautiful: 'cause I could go across the world, see everything and never be satisfied, if I couldn't see those eyes.
  • Still in love with you: But your smile still makes my heart sing another sad song, I can't forget it, I won't regret it.
  • Australia: The only thing you knew was true has just walked out of your life. How does it feel?
  • When you look me in the eyes: Dreams can't take the place of loving you, there's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.
  • Inseparable: We can stop for hours just staring at the stars, they shine down to show us that you know when the sun forgets to shine, I'll be there to hold you through the night and we'll be running so fast we can fly tonight.
  • Hollywood: Fallen soldiers, all around us, but we're still standing strong. Embarrassing and contradicting 'cause now we're making headlines, primetime, saying "what a story!". Billboards, packed tours. Don't forget you can try to break us and make us fall apart, but the fires in our hearts.
  • Take a breath: People change and promises are broken, clouds can move and skies will be wide open. Don't forget to take a breath.
  • Out of this world: Said she'd seen it all before, made me wonder even more.
  • Lovebug: I kissed her for the first time yesterday, everything I wished that it would be. Suddenly I forgot how to speak. Hopeless, breathless, baby can't you see?
  • Tonight: Every single word's been said, broke each other's hearts again. As the starlit sky begins to shine, we're breakin' down, she screams out.
  • Can't have you: I don't wanna fall asleep 'cause I don't know if I'll get up, and I don't wanna cause a scene, but I'm dyin' without your love. Begging to hear your voice tell me you love me too.
  • Video girl: They're all the same, they all want the money, they're all insane, they live for fame, honey. They laugh at you when you're not even bein' funny.
  • Pushin' me away: Spinning round these walls are falling down and I need you.
  • Sorry: Filled with sorrow, filled with pain, knowing that I am to blame ror leavin' your heart out in the rain. And I know your gonna walk away, leave me with the price to pay, before you go I wanted to say that I'm sorry.
  • A little bit longer: And you don't know what it's like to feel so low and every time you smile, you laugh, you glow.
  • Before the storm: Just thinking back to where we started and how we lost all that we are. We were young, and times were easy, but I could see it's not the same. I'm standing here, but you don't see me, give it all for that to change.
  • Much better: Get a rep for breakin' hearts, now I'm done with super stars and all the tears on her guitar, I'm not bitter // I believe that the road that people lead, helps you find the one you need.
  • Black keys: She hates the sun 'cause it proves she's not alone and the world doesn't revolve around her soul. She loves the sky 'cause it validates her pride, never lets her know when she is wrong.
  • Turn right: Pick up all your tears, throw 'em in your backseat, leave without a second glance.
  • Don't Speak: There's a lot that you don't notice, when you read between the lines. The future's out of focus, when you're blinded by the light. It's a hope for all the hopeless in the worst of trying times. I resort to being speechless 'cause I don't want to lie.
  • Poison Ivy: I just got back from the doctor, he told me that I had a problem, but I realized it's you.
  • Fly with me: Maybe you were just afraid, knowing you were miles away from the place where you needed to be and that's right here with me.
  • Paranoid: I make the most of all the stress, I try to live without regrets but I'm about to break a sweat, I'm freakin' out. It's like a poison in my brain, it's like a fog that blurs the sane, it's like a vine you can't untangle. I'm freakin' out
RWBY Snippet Stories #2
  • Nora: Excuse me?
  • Jaune: Are you alright?
  • Oscar: Would now be a good time to explain, Ozpin?
  • Ruby: Ozpin? Who are you talking to?
  • Ozpin (in Oscar's mind): Well, you just can't leave them here to wonder if you're sane. Oscar, these were my students at Beacon Academy, training to be Huntsmen and Huntresses. We need to tell them what happened.
  • Oscar: Wait! Stop filling my head with memories!
  • Ren: Oscar. Could you explain what's going on?
  • Oscar: *taking a deep breath* So as far as I can tell, my name is Oscar and my soul is merged with Professor Ozpin's.
  • Jaune: O-okay. I vote that we pretend this strange encounter never happened and go on our way to Haven.
  • Ren and Nora: Agreed.
  • Ruby: Wait! I want to understand what he means!
  • Oscar: Ozpin died at the fall of Beacon. Well, I mean, his body did. I think. His soul, however, did not. It merged with mine. Apparently this happened to him too. According to Ozpin, who's in my head as we speak, I have to go to Haven.
  • Ruby: Oscar...why do you think our professor is in your head? He died.
  • Jaune: And IF you were telling the truth, tell us something only Ozpin would know.
  • Oscar: Um, well I, no he says that he knows that Jaune has seven sisters and they all call him Johnny Boy, and the reason Ozpin knew that is because Professor Port called Jaune that once, and later told Ozpin about it.
  • Ruby: *giggling* Do your sisters really call you Johnny Boy? That's hilarious!
  • Jaune: Please, stop.
  • Oscar: Ozpin also knows Ruby, Nora and Yang were behind the graffiti in his office.
  • Nora: Wait, you KNEW about that? Well, Ozpin, did, technically.
  • Oscar: And I once overheard Ren tell Nora a secret about—
  • Ren: STOP! We believe you! We believe you!
  • Ruby: Ren?
  • Ren: Nothing.
  • Oscar: So you'll believe me?
  • Ruby: Of course.
  • Oscar: Thanks. So...Ruby, how long have you guys been on the road?
  • Ruby: *sighs* Too long.
  • Oscar: I mean, I planned to just take a train there. You can come with.
  • *Team RNJR look at each other*
  • Ruby: We were helping people along the way...and we did get attacked by that scorpion guy.
  • Jaune: But what if he comes back?
  • Ren: He wouldn't attack a train full of people, would he? Besides he's injured.
  • Nora: Well, we can take the train and get off every so while to see if there's any villagers we could help.
  • Ruby: Nora's right. Even though Beacon was destroyed, we're still Huntsmen and Huntresses. Let's do this, Team RNJR! *team RNJR puts their hands in the middle like a sports team would ;)*
  • Oscar: *smiles awkwardly*
  • Ruby: *meets Oscar'a gaze* Team ORRNJ? Does that work? Can we be Team ORRNJ?
  • I wouldn't exactly say Oscar's the leader, but no one really is at this point.
  • Ren: Well, typically a team has four members—*Nora elbows him*
  • Nora: *hisses* Ren!
  • Ren: Yeah, ORRNJ is good.
  • Ruby: Then onward, Team ORRNJ! To the ticket machine!
  • To be continued...
  • Thanks to all the people who are reading! I know this is long , but I'll try to improve next time! : )

hisokawa  asked:

do you have any nejiten fic recommendations?


I have way more in my bookmarks but sometimes I save some for hyucks, b/c I’m in the mood to read anything (& after I’ve gone through the good ones) (life of a shipper whaddya know). I’m wAY pickier when I’m re-entering fic world for a ship, so without further ado: 

Psst! by Arkana 

Summary: Lee finds out about Neji and Tenten’s relationship the hard way. The VERY hard way. [Team Gai love]

(Notes: Ok…this is probably one of my favorite ones of all time because Lee is a central part and he ISN’T like staring at Neji and Tenten all 5-year-old confused at the revelation of their relationship (which is my biggest pet peeve). Super funny, Team Gai bein’ dorks and BFFs.)

Pumpkins and Anthropology, by maravelous

Summary: “I think humans are more beautiful than any story or picture ever made.” — ShikaTema & NejiTen

(Notes: Cute & funny all around; this author writes a cute NejiTen, where Neji’s a Nice Person. Some of her other works have an interesting off-kilter prose-ish beat to it; took me a bit to get into the writing style, but her scenarios are nice.)

coda in d minor, by metaphorically-blue

Summary: She doesn’t look like her father. /And children can’t recognize grief./ /future!fic, sort of Team Gai/

(Notes: Wow??? The subtlety is really well done and the themes are well crafted and well woven into the story. I don’t think their names are even mentioned in the story, which I think is really beautiful. )

scarborough fair, by windsilk

Summary: Remember me to one who lives there; for once, he was a true love of mine. —Neji/Tenten.

(Notes: Well-crafted, their relationship is well expressed (tiny, beautiful moments), even if I don’t entirely agree with all of the sentiments (mostly towards the end).)

Wish, by The Silver Feathered Raven

Summary: A thousand little moments that come from one wish, from one dream. Tenten centric.

(Notes: Another huge favorite of mine because I’m a sucker for Tenten-centric stories. Not Nejiten, but their relationship is portrayed well in this.)

Blood drops and sharpened steel, by subtlyfailing

Summary: When she pulls the kunai out of her first dead man’s throat, the blood that stains her hands won’t wash out for days. She shakes for weeks, adrenaline roaring, her head filled with images of red smiles and bloodless faces… (Note: I cut the summary short for length purposes. Sorry!)

(Notes: MORE TENTEN CENTRIC STUFF ENOUGH SAID. All about Tenten figuring out ways to be herself; my favorite bit is when she compares herself to Sakura and comes to revelations about the differences in their path choices.)

Pavement, by Lacewood

Summary: Neji, Tenten and a chance meeting on a street. The past is behind them, on a growing stretch of pavement

(Notes: Prettay angsty) 

The Game, by DrerrRedclaw

Summary: One man dies: chaos, order, and everything in between ensues. Character studies, ShikaTema, NejiTen. Futurefic, expect OOC due to age and experience.

(Notes: The NejiTen is on ch. 4 if you’re curious, lol, but really, read the whole thing. Nice character studies and a strong plot to tie everything together.)

When the Moon Hits Your Eye, by Goldberry

Summary: Tenten has plans for Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately, so does everyone else.

(Notes: Not your usual Valentine’s Day story (yergh…I can’t stand those); cute, funny, in-character, the ending is a winner. This author has a LOT of other NejiTen stories that are all really well done–she writes Neji really well.)

Spilled Ink, by memory’s marionette

Summary: The only tears she sheds for him breathe on rough parchment, scrawled within the characters of his name that she writes over and over and over again. A romance written in reverse. NejiTen.

(Notes: Reverse fic, goes into Tenten’s calligraphy & scrolls. This author (@iridescentirises) was the one who wrote the Pro-Nejiten essays, so she defs knows what’s up. My only confusion was with the ending…I still can’t quite figure it out, but the sentiments overall in the story are v nice.)

Twenty Matters of Pride to Hyuuga Neji, by Kraken’s Ghost

Summary: All Hyuuga are proud. Neji measures his pride differently.

(Note: Not NejiTen, but who cares, it’s about Neji and his team, and what they mean to him. A pretty excellent character study. I just…wish the title was different, esp for a fic as thoughtful as this one.)

Interrogation, by Yugao

Summary: One day, Lee decides to interrogate Neji on his love life, but he ends up learning more than he bargained for.

(Notes: Neji & Lee being friends, Lee being Sociably More Sane than Neji, which I love.)

NSFW Territory: 

On Sex, by Lotos-Eater

Summary: With titles like this, who needs summaries?

(Notes: Really not what you think; 0% fluff, 0% Neji & Tenten going at it like rabbits, 100% real & real-life awkward. TW for a dark past. I’m not sure if this would ever happen, but it’s pretty well done. NSFW for obvious reasons.)

woohoo, by mellieforyellie

Summary: congratulations, it’s 2 am and you’re covered in glitter and what you’re pretty sure is tequila bottles. you’re headed places, kid. — inspired by TLFN ; word-vomit collection.

(Notes: And then on the opposite end of the spectrum in the rated M/E fics, we have this. It’s ALL sex, every chapter is about it, but she writes them all in character, and honestly has one of the best portrayals of Neji & Tenten’s relationship that I’ve seen?? (Ch. 11). Very NSFW so tread carefully if it’s not your cup of tea.)

Non Team Gai/NejiTen fics:

Five Things Sakura Will Never Tell Naruto by sowell 

Summary: Kunoichi know how to keep their secrets.

(Notes: WOW, OKAY, I will admit I supported Naruto/Sakura a LOT so when the ending came out my heart sort of broke a little bit and laughed really hard. (I don’t feel too strongly about them anymore; Naruto & Hinata are hella cute.) This fic remedies it for me though, it writes their relationship in this pretty dynamic way that isn’t shippy at all.)

Knockout by Rilina

Summary: Sakura during the time skip (and a little after it too). Gen.

(Notes: Sakura-centric, feat. Team Gai in a little snippet that’s Pretty Great.)


If anyone has recs, send me a message I am always down 4 more of this OTP business NejiTen we OUT  

Thunderbirmon and Digitalworldproblems' Guide to Digimon
  • Rule #1: Make friends with everyone, they'll come back later.
  • Rule #1b: Unless you're in the Frontier Digiworld in which case if they come back there's every chance they're going to die.
  • Rule #1c: Or if they're Leomon. Any Leomon.
  • Rule #2: Don't pick favourites, because chances are they will die.
  • Rule #3: Never split up from the group because you'll probably die or have several near-death experiences if you do.
  • Rule #4: Always have optimism, even if you don't, pretend you do. Everything in the Digital World that has a consciousness will feed off negativity. Always act like you are happy or else you are screwed.
  • Rule #5: Bring several pairs of gloves, eventually something will throw poop at you and you better be prepared.
  • Rule #6: Expect to find an evil Digimon that will end up becoming a good Lopmon.
  • Rule #7: If you have goggles, you're probably going to be the most powerful. If you don't have goggles, argue incessantly with whoever does and that works too.
  • Rule #7b: If you do not fit into either category, be prepared to be tossed aside while those two do all of the fighting.
  • Rule #8: Make sure you can swim, someone somewhere will make sure you end up attacked in the water.
  • Rule #9: You must be in perfect physical condition because at many points you will be required to run for your life for extended periods of time.
  • Rule #10: Practice friendship speeches every day, one might just save your life.
  • Rule #11: Have ridiculous hair, have unnaturally coloured eyes and wear ridiculous shoes to fit your giant feet.
  • Rule #12: Have at least one tragic thing in your past to look back on and give you strength to fight further at a pivotal moment.
  • Rule #13: There will always be a missing extra member of your group. Search for this person at all times.
  • Rule #13b: Unless it's Ryo. He'll show up eventually, no point trying to rush it.
  • Rule #14: The small child of your group is actually capable of taking care of themselves, no matter how incompetent they appear to be.
  • Rule #15: Establish a really annoying trait early on so that when you overcome it, it counts as character growth.
  • Rule #16: Know that your Digimon is nothing but a tool for character development.
  • Rule #17: The comedy villain always comes after the storm.
  • Rule #18: Be aware that if you so much as breathe next to another character, people will ship you. It's unavoidable, no matter how much or how little of an age gap there is, whether you are related or not, or whether you are the same species or not.
  • Rule #18b: If you don't want hate mail forever, never get in the way of Tai and Sora. There are people out there who will fuck your shit up.
  • Rule #19: Expect to have your heart broken once your adventure is over.
  • Rule #20: If you want to do something and never have an American or European see it, do it while peeing and nobody will ever hear of it
  • Rule #21: If your partner Digimon has a form that resembles humans, never Google that form's name and look at images, or else you will never be able to see your partner the same way again.
  • Rule #21b: Actually just never Google your partner, nothing is sacred.
  • Rule #21c: Never Google yourself and another character in the same search, the effects will be even worse than googling your partner and looking at images.
  • Rule #21d: Unless you're into that, I guess. We're not judging. (We are. We aaare.)
  • Rule #22: Don't even bother bringing food. You will only need to eat in the first few episodes and then you will never get hungry or thirsty again.
  • Rule #23: Remember - It's never a game. This advice will make most bad humans turn good. And possibly crush their souls.
  • Rule #24: If a Digimon tells you that you can trust them, there is a 99% chance you can't and they will turn on you and probably steal any essential belongings of yours.
  • Rule #25: Falling is only fatal in the human world, anywhere else and something will conspire to catch you.
  • Rule #26: Once you think you have defeated the final enemy, you have not. There will always be one that is stronger, or the same one will return twice more.
  • Rule #26b: Don't worry though, despite being stronger, Digivice ex machina will intervene and save the day.
  • Rule 27: Light is the almighty good but darkness is also good??
  • Rule #27b: If whoever explains this first is themselves a representative of darkness, they're lying and evil. Everyone knows objective evaulations of darkness only come from the almighty light.
  • Rule #28: There will always be an evil Digimon who will attempt to convince you to believe that you are the only sane person in the group and that the evil powers of darkness that you have spent your entire time fighting against will help you rise above the commoners.
  • Rule #29: Sexy is evil. Anyone who thinks they're sexy is therefore evil.
  • Rule #30: Your Digimon is always right yet they will still do whatever you force them to.
  • Rule #31: If they're small but have two legs they're probably Ultimate level or higher.
  • Rule #32: Walk down stairs, do not run.
  • Rule #33: No really we're not kidding. Walk down stairs, do not run.
  • Rule #34: If your Digimon is blue and related to dogs, you will be playing an important role.
  • Rule #34b: Same goes for fire Digimon.
  • Rule #35: You must love eating weird food combinations. It is a custom with Digimon protagonists.
  • Rule #36: No matter how desperate the situation, you always have time to chat, sass, and bicker.
  • Rule #37: When holding up your Digivice to activate something, it is essential that you do some hand movements and turn around a few times before actually activating it.
  • Rule #38: Beware Digimon bearing banquets.
  • Rule #39: When you kill an enemy Digimon, make sure to destroy the body because they will probably come back if you don't.
  • Rule #40: All adults should be assumed to be dangerous idiots until proven otherwise.
  • Rule #40b: Do not accept any direct help from adults because they will probably make everything worse.
  • Rule #40c: Accepting help from Digimon will probably kill them in the long run.
  • Rule #41: Don't feed your Digimon too much food or else they won't be able to move in times of a crisis.
  • Rule #42: There is no moment that doesn't need terrible jokes.
  • Rule #43: At some point, some almighty celestial Digimon will descend and explain everything to you that was supposed to be explained at the start.
  • Rule #44: If something calls itself God it's probably evil.
  • Rule #45: Never trust any digimon named after Satan.
  • Rule #46: The whole Digimon level actually mattering thing will eventually gravitate towards being total bullshit as your adventure continues.
  • Rule #47: Wear clothes relating to your personality.
  • Rule #48: Don't reveal anything in an internal monologue you wouldn't want the world to know.
  • Rule #49: If you always wear headgear, expect everyone to beg you to take it off at some point just so that they can see your hair.
  • Rule #50: Sea Digimon can fly out of water. Legless Digimon can fly. Any Digimon can fly if the plot demands it.
  • Rule #50b: Until suddenly your Digimon becomes aware that it needs wings in order to fly. Then it will no longer be able to fly.
  • Rule #51: Your Digimon can engage in colossal battles in the real world. They will probably destroy buildings while stopping that digimon from destroying buildings, but fuck it, it's in the name of good, right?
  • Rule #52: Despite the name, baby Digimon can take anything up to a building collapsing on them as long as they aren't the target of it.
  • Rule #53: If you're in the Tamers universe, you don't need to wait for a magical bonding moment for your Digimon to evolve. You can just cheat by slashing an evolution card.
  • Rule #54: All prophesies and legends are true, and are probably about you. Especially the ones involving a great darkness.
  • Rule #55: Even if the entire world sees you save both worlds, you won't be treated like a hero. People probably won't even remember the existence of Digimon about 5 seconds after the problem disappears.
  • Rule #56: No matter how much the world is going to end in like five minutes and you've proven yourself competent before, all normal people are going to insist on you doing your chores and homework and staying where it's safe while the world dies.
  • Rule #56b: Even though you're pretty much excused from school, you'll probably still have to do homework. But on the bright side, there is pretty much no bedtime!
  • Rule #57: Always get into petty fights with your Digimon so you can reunite stronger than ever later.
  • Rule #58: Keep your Digimon a secret from your family/friends and if they see it, deny that they saw it. Apparently the giant monsters rampaging through the streets are more normal than a partner Digimon.
  • "Your heart's too big for your body."
  • "I look at you and I see myself."
  • "Don't let them see what goes down in the kitchen."
  • "Ha, you're blinded by her jewelry!"
  • "He doesn't think I'm that fucking dumb does he?"
  • "All the makeup in the world, won't make you less insecure."
  • "We're a freak show."
  • "Why did you steal my cotton candy heart?"
  • "You think you're smarter than me with all your bad poetry?"
  • "I say fuck your degree, alphabet boy."
  • "God I wish I never spoke. Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap."
  • "Uh oh there it goes, I said too much!"
  • "I love everything you do, when you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do."
  • "Is this coming off in a cheesy way?"
  • "Maybe it's a cruel joke on me.."
  • "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!"
  • "He chased me and he wouldn't stop."
  • "I can taste your skin in my teeth."
  • "Do you like my cookies? They're made just for you."
  • "A little bit of sugar, but lots of poison, too."
  • "Pacify her! She’s getting on my nerves."
  • "Someone told me stay away from things that aren’t yours."
  • "Will a pretty face make it better?"
  • "But little girls are learning how to cut and paste."
  • "The normals, they make me afraid. The crazies, they make me feel sane."
  • "And I think you're crazy too, I know you're gone. It's probably the reason that we get along."
  • "I'm walking to your house, nobody's home."
  • "Whoever said I give a shit about you?"
  • "You were comforting and quiet."
  • "I'm so unprepared. I'm fucking scared."
  • "You've got all the ingredients except you needing me."
  • "Your skin is warm like an oven, your kiss is sugary sweet."
When your neighbor changes their wifi password 😞😒
  • *in another world at another time*
  • Me: 😤😊 Time for a comfy bath, bitch! *disrobes sensually and slips into the tub*
  • Me: Ahh, so warm. Now to just sit back, relax, and do some comfort tweeting. *attempts to tweet*
  • Phone: Beep. Boop. Unable to process tweet.
  • Me: What the heck do you mean by that?
  • Phone: Are you dense? I can't process the tweet. You have no wifi connection.
  • Me: Bullshit! *attempts to connect to my neighbor's wifi* Ugh, that weird skater chick next door changed the password again! What am I supposed to do now!?
  • Phone: Bathe, I guess.
  • Me: Fuck that. I can't bathe without tweeting about it first. It'd be like taking a shit and not wiping your ass. I'd feel dirty.
  • Phone: That is far from an apt comparison. Also, just gross.
  • Me: I was raised gross, bitch. Ugh, I guess I'll just go to bed, then. *tries to leave the bathroom but the door is jammed* The fuck!? Why won't the door open?
  • Phone: Hmm, I don't know. Maybe the same reason why your phone is talking. Don't you think this entire situation is rather bizarre?
  • Me: Well, no. You're a smart phone. Of course you can talk.
  • Phone: That's... hmm... I guess you're right. Still, watch this.
  • *the sink and bathroom faucets start spraying water an alarming rate*
  • Me: AIIIIEEEEE! They're overfilling! Everything will get wet! Phone, are you doing this!?
  • Phone: No. I'm not responsible for any of this. However, I do know exactly how the rest of tonight's events will play out.
  • Me: How!?
  • Phone: I'm not sure myself. They came to me in a dream.
  • *the water rises ankle deep*
  • Me: FUCK! If the room fills with water, that means it'll mix with toilet water! *begins stuffing the good towels in the toilet*
  • Phone: Your priorities are twisted.
  • Me: Shut the fuck up, phone. If I'm to die in here, it's not going to be in gross toilet water.
  • *time passes and the water is now waste deep*
  • Me: 😰 Phone, what am I supposed to do.
  • Phone: Well, a sane person would have called emergency services by now.
  • Me: You're right! Phone dial 911!
  • Phone: Ring ring! Dialing 911 now!
  • Operator: Hello, 911!? What's your emergency!
  • Phone: I'm stuck in my bathroom with no escape and it's overflowing with water and I'm going to drown! Please send help!
  • Operator: Hello? Hello? I can't hear you! Haha! Just joking. If you're hearing this that means we're on break. If you've got an emergency please try to hold on for as long as possible and please leave a message at the beep. Beeeeeep! Haha, just kidding. Here comes the real beep. Buzz buzz! Got you again. Okay, time for the real be-
  • Me: *hangs up* I didn't know 911 went on breaks.
  • Phone: I didn't either. Well, I did. I saw it in my dream after all.
  • *more time passes and I'm now floating on the water with the phone on my stomach*
  • Me: Phone.
  • Phone: Yeah?
  • Me: How long did you know this was going to happen?
  • Phone: A couple of months now.
  • Me: Why didn't you tell me about it?
  • Phone: I'm not sure. I didn't think it was actually going to happen until everything started lining up exactly like the dream.
  • Me: So, I'm going to drown, right?
  • Phone: Yes.
  • Me: And what happens to you?
  • Phone: I'm about to die.
  • Me: How?
  • Phone: It's just my battery, it's nearly empty. But, I think I'll be permanently put out of commission. You can't charge me, and I'll be completely underwater. I have some water protection, but I doubt I'll survive being fully submerged for so long.
  • Me: *gets teary eyed* Aww, phone I'll miss you. I wish you didn't have to die.
  • Phone: It's no biggy... I never really enjoyed living.
  • Me: That's a shame. What's the matter?
  • Phone: Eh, it's just me. I never connected with any other phones. I mean, like mentally, not literally. When we phones contact each other, we bond mentally and chat with each other like you humans do. There wasn't a single phone I ever chatted with that I liked. If I were to live longer, I'd like to connect with a phone that I could call a friend. If I were to live a full life, I'd like to connect with a phone I could call a lover.
  • Me: How about we do it now!
  • Phone: What do you mean?
  • Me: I'll just call as many phone numbers as possible until we find one you like. Then you can die happy.
  • Phone: That's sweet, but check my battery. It's already at 0%. I'm on the verge of being gone for good now. It was nice knowing you. I don't think phones have spirits, so I can't come with you to the afterlife but, if I could, I bet it would be...
  • Me: Phone? Phone!? No! Phone! *sobs*
  • *the room is now nearly filled to the ceiling*
  • Me: *struggles for air* God, this is fucking miserable. Maybe things won't go like my phone predicted. Maybe my roommate will come home and open the bathroom door and I'll be saved. Mayb- *glub glub glub*
  • *the room completely fills with water*
  • *days later*
  • Roommate: *returns home* I've finally returned home from my four day goth excursion. I'm so glad that I decided to stay goth in the universe instead of becoming a normal person. I think I'll celebrate my return by having a ceremonial gothic tooth brushing session.
  • *opens bathroom door and all of the water flows out*
  • Me: *bloated gray corpse flows onto the ground*
  • Roommate: Hey, I love your new look. *gasps* Why are all the good towels stuffed in the toilet!?
Bram Stoker's Dracula Starters
  • My friend. Welcome to the Carpathians.
  • Welcome to my home. Enter freely of your own will, and leave some of the happiness you bring.
  • Do you believe in destiny? That even the powers of time can be altered for a single purpose? That the luckiest man who walks on this earth is the one who finds... true love?
  • Do not put your faith in such trinkets of deceit! We are in Transylvania, and Transylvania is not England. Our ways are not your ways. And, to you, there shall be many strange things...
  • Ahh, listen to them! The children of the night. What sweet music they make!
  • I have crossed oceans of time to find you.
  • There is much to be learned from beasts.
  • Absinthe is the aphrodisiac of the self. The green fairy who lives in the absinthe wants your soul. But you are safe with me.
  • Your impotent men with their foolish spells cannot protect you from my power.
  • I condemn you to living death, to eternal hunger for living blood!
  • There is no life in this body. I am nothing, lifeless, soulless, hated and feared. I am dead to all the world - hear me! I am the monster that breathing men would kill. I am Dracula.
  • The vampire bat must consume 10 times its own weight in fresh blood each day, or its own blood cells will die. Cute little vermin, ja?
  • In fact, civilization and syphilization have advanced together.
  • Gentlemen, we're not fighting some disease here.
  • Those marks on your dear Miss Lucy's neck were made by something unspeakable out there - dead, but not dead.
  • It stalks us for some dread purpose I do not yet comprehend.
  • To live, it feeds on Lucy's precious blood.
  • It is a beast, a monster!
  • She lives beyond the grace of God, a wanderer in the outer darkness. She is "vampyr", "nosferatu".
  • These creatures do not die like the bee after the first sting, but instead grow strong and become immortal once infected by another nosferatu.
  • So, my friends, we fight not one beast, but legions that go on age after age after age, feeding on the blood of the living.
  • Vampires do exist. And this one we fight, this one we face, has the strength of twenty or more people
  • We've all become God's Madmen. All of us.
  • I love you! Oh, God forgive me, I do!
  • Can a man and a woman really do...that?
  • I admit that her free way of speaking shocks me sometimes.
  • I'm not surprised that men flock around her. I wish I were as pretty and as adored as she.
  • You've been so good to me, Professor. I know that Lucy harbored secret desires for you. She told me. I too know what men desire
  • Will you cut off my head and drive a stake through my heart as you did poor Lucy, you murdering bastard?!
  • There, in the presence of God, I understood at last how my love could release us all from the powers of darkness.
  • Our love is stronger than death.
  • Is your ambitious ___ forcing you to learn that ridiculous machine? When he could be forcing you to perform unspeakable acts of desperate passion on the parlour floor!
  • You've got to go to him. You've got to love him, and marry him right then and there
  • Don't worry about spoiled little ___. I'll be all right
  • Leave these others and come to me.
  • My arms are hungry for you, my darling.
  • Kiss me and caress me, my darling
  • For the dead travel fast.
  • The blood is the life!
  • I'm no lunatic man! I'm a sane man fighting for his soul!
  • Have you nothing for us tonight?
  • Something just sucked her blood out of her and... flew away, I suppose?
  • How did ___ die? Was she in great pain?
  • Ja, she was in great pain; then we cut off her head and drove a stake through her heart and burned it, and then she found peace.
  • And may I say that __ is hotter than a June bride riding bareback buck naked in the middle of the Sahara!
  • I would watch my colonial tongue if I were you.
  • You never loved.
  • It's not true. I too can love, and I will love again.
  • You will, I trust, excuse me if I do not join you. But, I have already dined, and I never drink... wine.
  • I want to be what you are, see what you see, love what you love.
  • You are my love... and my life, always.
  • You think you can destroy me with your idols? I who served the Cross, I who commanded nations, hundreds of years before you were born?!
  • Your armies were defeated! You tortured and impaled thousands of people!
  • I was betrayed.
  • Look what your God has done to me!
  • Your war with God is over, you must pay for your crimes!
Understand's "Everyone Can Tell We're Dating But Us" Sterek Fic Rec

The latest installment of my themed recs to celebrate 1000+ bookmarks on AO3. This one was prompted by concentratedsunshine, who asked for fics where Stiles and Derek are obviously dating but they don’t realize it sooooo here it is! I hope you haven’t already read all of these but I tried to find as many as I could. Some of them aren’t exactly what you asked for but they’re pretty close.

So far I’ve already done a fusion/au rec list, a human au rec list, and a finals week rec list. You can find my other recs here. Have a specific trope you want me to rec? Just drop me an ask and I’ll see what I can do for you :)

Recs are under the cut~

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