we were there part 1


Oh my gosh!

We Were Married Last Christmas [Part 1 / 13]

In collaboration with @pleasecallmecaptain for December, we’ll be providing you with a daily drabble series from each of us. I’ll be posting on the odd days of December until Christmas day!

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Suggestive Themes and Language. 

Word Count: 850

You laughed as you strode down the ramp off the Quinjet, grasping at the velcro straps on your gloves to peel them off your hands with your mission partner by your side. Your gaze was downcast and you only looked up when metal fingers curled around your elbow to stop you in your tracks, which brought an exchanged look between you and the soldier before Bucky dropped his hand and instinctively stepped forward to partially shield you.

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Girl meets plots that never were (part 1)

… unless we win this battle and season 4 is a thing. This is going to be a series of post to proof that “Girl Meets World” still have a lot of stories to explore that would be developed in future seasons.

Lucas Daddy Issues.

Believe it or not Maya Hart isn’t the only character with a complicated relationship with her father.

The only time Lucas Friar’s father was mentioned was in a phone call between him and his son during “Girl meets friendship (01x14). Thwy were arguing over the fact that Lucas wanted to go to Texas for the weekend again to see his friend but his father was against it.

If refering to his father as ‘Sir’ wasn’t enough to catch our eyes, the argument seems to be frequent in their relationship since Lucas told him he didn’t want to move to New York.

Lucas seems to have a distant relationship with his ‘Sir’ and a rocky one since his father is narrow-minded and they don’t see eye-to-eye a lot. (For my little personal headcannon I can really see his father begin a military man or something like that.). And staying out of school for a year sure sounds like something Lucas’ father would be very displeased with.

We never actually saw Lucas family. We only know his father is a very strict and his mother is a healthy-food lover.

Also this plot could be a good starting point for a Maya and Lucas to connect over after they stopped interecting post-SL2. Riley and Farkle are fortunate to have amazing parents who they can talk about their issues with. Maya now has Shawn but she would understand perfectly when Lucas is frustated with his father cause she had her share of that feeling.

This plot could even stablish a better relationship between Cory and Lucas. Because Cory is like a father figure to Lucas, as he’s for the rest of the gang. And he and Lucas could connect and Cory would stop all that “My daughter likes you so I must chase after you to prove my masculinity,, and procted her, but mostly the masculinity thing. Since my 7 year-old is basically married and I have no problem with it.”

So what do you think about it?

Would you like to see more of Lucas’ family?

That’s it for today. Keep in tune for more like this because I’m already planning a lot of them.

Bye bye!

PS: Sorry if there are any english mistakes, but english is like my third language so sometimes I get lost in the writing department.

Aftermath (ZenxMC)

Part two of Cheating angst, here we come!

Part 1

You were curled up in Jumin’s bed, huddled under the covers and basically ignoring the world at large, when the sound of two people arguing reached your ears.

“–her decision–”

“–not fair—deserve–please–”

You wrinkled your nose, disappointed that the closed door was keeping the conversation distorted and made it hard to eavesdrop. Considering the parts you could hear, you figured Zen was in the penthouse and wanting to talk to you. Like the amazing friend Jumin was, he was trying to keep that from happening.

Hauling yourself out from under the covers, you looked down at your rumpled pajamas. At least they were new, since Jumin had forced you to shower earlier in the day. You got dressed slowly, hoping Zen would give up as you dragged your heels, but as you pulled a brush through your hair, you could still hear the argument.

When you cracked the door open, you could see Jumin’s back as he was standing between the bedroom door and Zen. And Zen, he looked a mess. His normally stylized messy hair was an actual mess and he had dark circles under his eyes. His face when he saw you peeking out from Jumin’s bedroom was absolutely worth losing the fight with Jumin about him sleeping in the guest room and having you in the master bedroom.

Jumin noticed that Zen’s attention had shifted and he turned to look at you. “You don’t have to see him.”

“I know,” you said tiredly, “but he won’t leave until I do.”

Zen looked pained at the words but nodded. “I need to talk to you.”

Jumin turned and stepped over to you, placing his hands on your shoulders, and basically blocking Zen from seeing you. “Are you sure?”


He leaned a little closer, his voice dropping, “do you want me to stay?”

You shook your head. “Thank you, but no. I need to do this.”

He pressed a light kiss to your forehead, “I’ll be in the next room.” He shot Zen a look before striding into his office that was attached to the living room.

“What’s going on with you and the Trust Fund Jerk?” Zen snapped as soon as Jumin was presumably out of earshot.

You walked over to the couch and sat down with your legs under you. “Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s simply being a good friend.”

Zen snorted and walked over to sit beside you, at least until your look made him sit in the chair across from you. “Good friend, my ass! He’s just waiting to make his move. And it is my business. You are my girlfriend!”

You let out a incredulous laugh. “My existence as your girlfriend is certainly convenient. Not there when you want your cock sucked by some tramp, suddenly there when someone else might be interested in me.” 

Zen’s face twisted, but he didn’t say anything.

“Well…you wanted to talk…”

Zen sighed softly and looked down at his hands. “I miss you.”

You blinked and looked at him. “Seriously? You bully your way into my sanctuary and all you have to say is that you miss me?”

He looked up at you and shook his head. “No. Of course not. I had it all planned out. But seeing you makes it all seem so dumb to say. And when did you get so mean?”

“Really, Zen? Mean? Perhaps about the moment I found the love of my life fucking some random girl’s mouth?!”

He winced. “I deserve that. But please, don’t let it change you.”

You sat back and crossed your arms. “I’m perfectly pleasant to anyone who is not you.”

“I just want to say I’m sorry. And to ask you to come back home. I don’t want to lose what we have over a stupid mistake.”

“Was it the first time?” you asked, surprising yourself at your bluntness.

“W-what?” Zen asked, looking flustered.

You looked at him, seeing the tells of his lying. “Was it the first time you cheated?”

“I’ve never slept with anyone but you while we’ve been together.”

You snorted softly and shook your head. “That’s not what I asked you, Hyun, and you know it. Please see yourself out.”

“Wait!” he cried as you started to stand. “”It’s just that I was lonely. You were working so much and I missed you. I could pretend they were you!”

You stood and looked down at him, your arms crossed, trying to keep the pain that he had cheated multiple times off your face. “You’re not seriously blaming your infidelity on me, are you?” 

“No! I just–,” You had to clench your fists to keep from reaching out to comfort him as tears fell from his eyes. 

“Please listen, Zen. There is nothing you could say that would ever lead to me trusting you again. You hurt me more than I’m sure you will ever realize, but I don’t hate you. But we are done.”

He spoke your name in broken voice. “Please…”

You shook your head. “No. It’s done. You finished it when you let her touch you. This is the last time I will talk about this with you.”

He nodded and you turned and walked a back into the bedroom. You managed to get the door closed before the tears started. You slid down the door and wrapped your arms around your knees, sobbing quietly.

Royal Flush: Part 2

Pairings: T’Challa x Reader

Warnings: Fluff angst

Word Count: 1365

Summary: After much convincing you agree to attend your friend Tony’s party, only to be rendered speechless by a new guest, the Prince of Wakanda.

Authors Note: God dammit @imhereforbvcky this has officially transitioned from a drabble series to an actual series. I have a whole story in my head and I’ll be damned if I’m not gonna play the whole thing out. Anyway, sorry that part 2 took so long but as you know I couldn’t decide which way to go. Slow burn it is. Hope you like it doll 

Tags: @heismyhunter @shamvictoria11 @capdanrogers

I know it’s been a while so just to remind you where we were in Part 1 

Previously: He looks at you, his attention focused intently on your face, your eyes remain concentrated on the illuminated landscape before you, listening attentively to his words, secretly hoping that he will agree to Starks offer. “However,” he continues, “I must admit… after meeting you, I think I will accept his proposal.” Your heart skips a beat.

Your back stiffens as you straighten up, spinning around to lean back on the railing, your head turning to the side to take in T’Challa’s impassive face, a slight flush darkening his cheeks. You take a deep breath, hoping to steady your voice and hide your excitement, “I think you should… It’d… it’d be nice to see you around more.”

You bite your lip at the smile that starts to pull at his cheeks as he looks down at his hands, resting over the rail. Internally you are warring with yourself on whether or not to go for broke and make it clear exactly how much you wanted him to stay. Say it. Don’t say it. He needs to know. He never has to know. He’ll figure it out eventually… Your head hurts with the volume of the argument taking place in your mind.

“I would…” you blurt, louder than you intended, you clear your throat trying to regain control, well no backing down now, “I would certainly like the opportunity to get to know you better… You should definitely stay.” Your voice drops to a whisper as your eyes flick away from him, your cheeks hot with embarrassment.

His smile widens as his gaze flashes to you. “Is that so?” he teases, sliding closer to you so that your hips were touching. “Yeah… I mean… if that’s what you would want…” you try to retract your bold statement, nervously babbling to counter your decisive language.  

You could feel the heat radiating from him, the mix of his warmth and the cool air causes you to shiver beside him. He immediately pulls back from the railing, quickly shrugging out of his suit jacket. His hand slides softly around your waist as he delicately pulls you forward from the rail, draping the jacket around your shoulders before standing in front of you.

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All I Ask (Dean x Reader)

Moments (Jensen x Reader):

One Shots

Gif Drabbles

fic: but we were in screaming colour (part 1) [collab fic with slimeboyhowell]

summary: au in which artist!dan’s idea of a romantic first date involves interrupting phil’s dissertation research and having sex in a pile of paint. this is their whirlwind relationship, as told in acrylic and prose.

word count: ~4.3k for this part

a/n: megs and i have literally been planning this for months and we can’t be more excited about finally posting this first part!! this is my first time collaborating with anyone on a fic and i’m really happy that i get to do it with not only one of my best buds but also someone whose writing i admire v much!! [here’s her fic page if you live under a rock] this part was written by both of us (it’s split about 50/50 give or take a few hundred words) but a couple of future parts are being written separately!! (have fun guessing who wrote what) (it’s not hard) (also special thanks to abby phantasticalities for editing!! we love u) hope y’all enjoy xoxo meglista

Dan Howell traipses into Phil Lester’s life five minutes late to a film neither of them can pronounce.

It’s some loose Dutch adaptation of For Whom the Bell Tolls that Phil’s erratic American Literature professor, Dr. Tran, had recommended he see for his graduate thesis, lengthily titled America the Beautiful: Cultural and Social Impacts of the Works of Great American Authors. The empty theater was a blessing while it lasted; at five-thirty on a Wednesday afternoon, he doesn’t have the energy to explain why he’s huddled in a corner, notebook in lap, pen ink already staining his impatient fingers.

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Rebirth of the “Son”: the art of Kylo Ren’s redemption

Many would say that The Force Awakens has a rather ambiguous conclusion, leaving the future of its main characters and storyline very open for debate. However, by analyzing the text — or in this case, the film — we can discover potentially eye-opening clues about the future of the Trilogy, particularly in regards to one plot-point: Kylo Ren’s redemption arc.

This meta will focus on deconstructing The Force Awakens by analyzing characterization (behaviour and dialogue) and foreshadowing and symbolism found in The Force Awakens. It will not discuss how he will be redeemed in detail, just the myriad of suggestions that we were left with.

Part 1: Characterization

This first part will deal mainly with deconstructing Kylo Ren’s characterization in the simplest possible manner. I will be analyzing his behaviour and dialogue in the context of the entire movie. Why? Because we must acknowledge every scene and every action in order to give reason to even one.

But first, let’s get a starting definition. Most people would know what “characterization” is, even if they don’t know it by name. The basic deconstruction of characterization is taught in high schools around the world. I’m sure we can all remember reading Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet or Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men as a class and discussing the characters in an academic setting.

A quick refresher:

Characterization is the concept of creating characters for a narrative. […] Characters are presented by means of description, through their actions, speech, thoughts and interactions with other characters.

Characterization is broken down two separate sections: direct characterization and indirect characterization.

Direct characterization involves the author telling us what a character is like. This is generally done through descriptions, or by the characters themselves. Imagine a character saying or thinking that they “like the beach”. This would be an example of direct characterization.

Indirect characterization must be inferred by the audience by interpreting a character’s dialogue, mannerisms, thoughts, actions and interactions with other characters. Imagine a character walking barefoot along a beach, staring wistfully at the water. We can easily infer that this character “likes the beach” without having the character actually make any kind of statement.

This first section of the meta will deconstruct Kylo Ren’s direct and indirect characterization.


We must first start by summarizing Kylo Ren’s background.

“Apparently the awakening was not just for Rey, but Kylo as well. Adam Driver spoke about Kylo and his motivations. Driver said that the character was mainly motivated by the feelings of abandonment from his family.”

“Abrams also added some backstory saying that Han couldn’t stay in one place and that Leia couldn’t stop fighting. His nature as a rogue and her nature as a freedom fighter clashed. Against that backdrop, Snoke targeted Kylo because of his powers and potential. The implication was that in the absence of solid parenting, Kylo Ren emerged.”

— “Secrets of the Force Awakens” Documentary

As we all know, Kylo Ren—once Ben Solo—is the fallen son of Han Solo and Leia Organa. He was seduced to the Dark Side by Supreme Leader Snoke after he was sent to train with his uncle Luke Skywalker. Snoke viewed the young Ben Solo as the perfect focal point of the Light and Dark Sides of the Force. He was being twisted and manipulated from the shadows since childhood, but it appears as though he managed to stave off complete seduction until he was a young adult, at which point something happened. He gave in to Snoke, turned to the Dark Side and left his family in ruins.

However, he was never able to completely extinguish the Light from which he was born.

It would not be unfair to suggest that Kylo Ren is currently the most important character in the Star Wars universe. He has a direct blood relation to almost every previous main character, his betrayal tore apart the Original Trilogy heroes, and he connects every player in the Sequel Trilogy together: the fallen son to Han and Leia, the ex-apprentice and nephew to Luke, the pawn to Snoke, the Knight of Ren, the anti-villain to Rey’s hero, the man who killed Han and left Finn in a coma, and whom Rey scarred with his grandfather’s saber when she almost crossed the threshold to the Dark Side. Rey went from defeating Ren with his legacy saber to hugging Ren’s mother to boarding Ren’s legacy ship to finding Ren’s uncle, who exiled himself because of Ren. It all comes back to one character: Ben Solo.

You must remember who Kylo Ren is and what franchise we’re dealing with in order to even hope to make accurate predictions. Star Wars is first and foremost an optimistic, idealistic coming-of-age fantasy directed toward children. It presents core messages of family, love, friendship, redemption and hope.


Kylo Ren’s garbs in The Force Awakens serve the purpose of imparting vital indirect characterization. He is swamped in black clothing that covers even his face, hands and neck, leaving not even an inch of skin showing. This immediately conveys to the audience that he has something to “hide”, despite the fact that we eventually discover that he is an average human man. He could even be described as shameful, unprepared to place himself in a position of vulnerability, quite literally playing dress-up in his grandfather’s attire.

Kylo’s garments also plainly echo the real-life historic Knights Templar, which certainly begs a few questions about Ren’s upbringing with and indoctrination by Snoke. Alas, this is not the meta for that discussion, but I will leave you with this quote referring to the vows knights had to make in order to be accepted into the order, two of which I find particularly telling with regards to my own personal interpretation of the character.

“Full members of the order took the standard monastic vows of poverty, chastity and obedience.”

Like his fellow character trinity members Rey and Finn, Kylo portrays many qualities that can be attributed to children, particularly young children. He is incapable of controlling his emotions, presenting a seemingly collected demeanor only in the film’s introductory sequence. He doesn’t seem to have a firm grasp on complex human emotion, perhaps because he was never given a proper outlet to explore his more innate feelings, or because Snoke simply did not allow it. He has violent tantrums, his fists are always balled and his eyes always seem to shimmer with tears. He trusts inanimate objects more than real people, he has an obsession with relics, he watches Rey sleep, crouched on the ground, head tilted. There is an air of submission in him, as out-of-place as it may appear.

This is one of the major reasons Kylo often comes across as “weak”. He is an evocative male character, brimming with emotion that seems completely unable to tame. He is not really a man, a child or a monster, he is all three.


In the film’s opening scene, we are introduced to Poe Dameron and Lor San Tekka. Poe is a Resistance pilot who is retrieving a piece of a map rumored to lead to the missing Luke Skywalker. The mission, however, does not go as planned. Poe is captured by the First Order and Lor San Tekka is murdered by Kylo Ren.

The First Order rose from the dark side… you did not.

I’ll show you the dark side.

You may try, but you cannot deny the truth that is your family.


You’re so right.


Above we have the sequence from the final script. Kylo Ren’s response appears to be quite collected, but… why did he kill Tekka? Surely Tekka had seen the map? His mind was ripe for reading; he even could have been a valuable war-prisoner. Kylo Ren had yet to be made aware of Poe’s existence, let alone the fact that BB-8 had been given charge of the drive containing the map. Yet he killed him. Why?

Because this was a man from his past who reprimanded him about his origins, his family. There is even a small smirk visible on Tekka’s face as he converses with Ren, as he chastises him for “denying the truth that is his family.”

These are things we later come to realize bring Ren to a conflicted place, heightening the pull to the Light within him. Although his response to Tekka was swift and cold, the rage behind the action was not fueled by indifference. Hate and love are not opposites, they are two sides of the same coin, and it’s quite clear that Ren is far from indifferent when it comes to his family. This was a personal murder, not a war crime.

The movie illustrates that Kylo Ren only kills when the situation becomes genuinely personal. He leaves Poe alive after interrogating him despite having already retrieved the necessary information. He lets Lieutenant Mitaka live as well, and on Takodana he immediately goes for Rey and BB-8 without engaging in battle with anybody. This is vital indirect characterization. We are meant to infer that, while Kylo has likely killed many innocent people, we as an audience don’t see him kill impersonally. Anything beyond that is speculation.

The first sequence of the film creates an image for the audience. It would be called a character defining moment, and it’s used to great effect. Kylo seems similar to Darth Vader, perhaps with an added youthful edge. This image is quickly torn down as we witness Kylo unraveling. He goes from murdering potentially important war criminals to desperately following his “personal interests” to praying to an inanimate object. Kylo unravels like a ball of string, shedding physical and metaphorical layers until he is left a beaten, scarred, patricidal wreck at the film’s conclusion.


Immediately after murdering Tekka, Poe makes himself known when he tries to shoot Kylo Ren. Kylo stops the blaster-bolt and the two men share a brief interaction that ends with Kylo ordering the Storm Troopers to take Poe on-board. Kylo gives the Troopers permission to annihilate the village — probably one of his darkest and most unforgivable acts. While Tekka’s murder was personal and driven by secret longing, this was something very different.

Yet this scene is followed by Kylo Ren’s first clearly bizarre decision.

Kylo Ren heads back toward his ship. But then he STOPS. Feels something. TURNS AND LOOKS AT OUR STORMTROOPER for a LONG MOMENT. Our Trooper can barely meet his gaze; knows he’s doomed.

Kylo Ren then heads off – passes the FROZEN BLAST, which, after a beat, GOES FREE AND SLAMS INTO A NEARBY STRUCTURE, scaring the hell out of our Stormtrooper.

As Kylo is preparing to depart on his ship, he seems to sense something. A Trooper is disobeying him, refusing to shoot down the villagers. Ren locks gazes with him, seeming prepared to kill him… but then he walks away.

This single moment serves as the inception of the entire adventure. The Trooper breaks Poe free, and together they crash on the desert planet Jakku, where BB-8 has already encountered a mysterious scavenger named Rey.

Ren should have destroyed the Trooper, but he didn’t. Perhaps it could be argued that he just didn’t care about an underling’s actions, but it doesn’t take long for us to learn this:

Kylo researched the Trooper’s title. He knew the Trooper was showing strange “signs”, he knew the Trooper by name, yet he kept the information to himself. Why? Why did Kylo Ren let the Trooper go?

Because he felt compassion for him.

This might seem like a leap to some, but it’s the only thing that makes sense to me, given Kylo’s apparent inner-turmoil about the situation. Kylo also felt something for Rey—as will be discussed below. We know he dislikes the Trooper program (he thinks as much in the novelization, and he subtly tries ot tell Hux that they should be using Clones in the film). We know he hates Hux as well. It only makes sense to take into consideration that Kylo may have consciously allowed FN-2187 to go free simply because he saw himself in the rogue Trooper.

The young women and men who become Storm Troopers in the Sequel Trilogy are stolen from their families as children and brainwashed into serving as killing machines. The process should be ringing a bell in your mind, because it’s remarkably similar to what happened to Kylo Ren.

With this in mind, it should be easy to infer that Kylo may have felt compassion for Finn, and walked away as a result. The single moment haunts Kylo, and we can imagine that he may have battled with himself mentally about whether or not to inform Hux or Phasma about their rogue Trooper. Obviously a side of Ren he would rather deny emerged victorious, because Finn managed to escape, and Ren doesn’t forget it.

The next time Kylo mentions Finn, he uses the term “traitor”. He does this one more time before the end of the film, after he has murdered his father. He screams the word at Finn, who is cradling an unconscious Rey. This is an incredible example of indirect characterization mixed with direct characterization. Kylo Ren isn’t just labeling Finn an “traitor”, he’s using the term to describe himself, hating himself for going through with the ultimate act of betrayal. He punishes Finn in the forest of Starkiller Base, using him as an outlet for his frustration and masochism. He beats his own wounds physically and metaphorically.

“You have compassion for her.” (The Force Awakens novelization)

— Snoke

It is made far more obvious in the film that Kylo Ren feels some kind of attachment to the heroine, Rey. I have discussed this at great length in a separate analysis, but I’ll allude to it here simply for brevity’s sake.

Kylo Ren sees himself in Rey, just as he saw himself in Finn. When he reads her mind, he finds that he relates to her loneliness, her fear and her desperation. Ren’s sentiments of compassion lead him to place himself in a position of vulnerability two times while in Rey’s presence, and both instances are considered iconic in The Force Awakens.

First, he removes his helmet for her in the interrogation sequence. Second, he offers to “show her the ways of the Force” in their final battle. This reminds Rey that she too is capable of channeling the Force, allowing her to defeat him. These are two of Ren’s biggest mistakes, and the implication is they were born out of compassion.


Careful, Ren. That your “personal interests” not interfere with orders from Leader Snoke.

While it is difficult to say what Kylo’s motivations are right now, it’s quite clear that he isn’t Snoke’s loyal puppet. He goes against his orders multiple times. In fact, I would have trouble thinking of a single moment in which Ren does follow Snoke’s plans without fail. He seems to react upon instinct more than anything, doing whatever he sees fit, but there is an underlying idea—as presented by Hux in the above excerpt—that Kylo has “personal interests” in finding Luke that go completely against Snoke and the First Order. This line basically foreshadows Ren’s entire developmental (or unraveling) arc in The Force Awakens. 

Supreme Leader Snoke was explicit. Capture the droid if we can, but destroy it if we must.

Obviously Snoke isn’t particularly invested in finding Luke (he just doesn’t wnt the Resistance to find Luke), but Kylo certainly is. There is no way to know just what he wants from him. We’ll have to wait until Episode VIII for that information.

Forgive me. I feel it again. The pull to the light. Supreme Leader senses it. Show me again, the power of the darkness, and I will let nothing stand in our way. Show me, Grandfather, and I will finish what you started.

This is perhaps Ren’s most obvious “personal interest”. The sequence poses so many questions that have been deconstructed in separate analyses that I won’t waste too much time on it, but the implication here is that Kylo shares certain sentiments with this mask alone. It is his guardian, his relic. It is the only thing in the world he genuinely trusts, and he feels a connection to it, and a shame for not living up to its “expectations”.

Then there is one of the big questions to come out of this film: what did Darth Vader start? I have my own theories that don’t necessarily belong in this meta, but I’ll leave it at this: writers don’t emphasize an ambiguous theme in a villainous character only to reveal an equally villainous motivation. Chances are whatever “Vader started” will lead into the inevitability of Kylo’s redemption.

What girl?

The girl I’ve heard so much about

Ren believed it was no longer valuable to us. That the girl was all we needed. As a result, the droid has most likely been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already.

Throughout the Third Act of the film, Kylo Ren finds a brand new “personal interest” in Rey. Ren appears to become attracted to and infatuated with Rey as he is in some way seduced by the Light she embodies. You don’t need to look far to see that he treats her differently than he treats any other character.

When he sets foot on Takodana and hears that the girl and droid have fled into the woods, he immediately follows them. When he finds Rey he decides to take her second-hand version of the map and not bother looking for the droid itself, allowing it to fall into the hands of the Resistance. In the interrogation, he removes his mask when she expresses fear, gets way too close to her and fishes through her personal thoughts before even attempting to search for the map. In their final battle, he offers himself to her as a teacher. This characterization is some of Ren’s most unexplainable… and it only makes sense if you accept that he also appears to be attracted to her in some fashion.

“The Supreme Leader believes Ren to be the ideal embodiment of the Force, a focal point of both Light and Dark Side ability.”

— The Force Awakens Visual Dictionary

It is interesting to note that Snoke actually encourages Ren to maintain control over both the Light and Dark sides of the Force that naturally coexist within him, but Ren is completely dismissive of this notion. When he feels a pull to the Light, he expresses to Darth Vader’s helmet that it must “show him the power of the Darkness”. He also insinuates that the battling Forces he commands “tear him apart”, and actually cause him pain of some kind. He wants nothing to do with accepting the Light, which appears to manifest as unwanted link to the life he left behind.

Once more, we can see that Ren is going against Snoke’s desires.

What exactly are all these “personal interests” used to push in the context of the narrative? To create a clear distinction between Kylo Ren and the First Order, to separate him a little from the evilest aspects of the Order. He is his own character, not an extension of Snoke. He places his “personal interests” above Snoke and the First Order on every occasion. That demands a certain level of attention in itself.


The Force Awakens introduces us to General Hux, an important official in the First Order. Ren and Hux share a bitter relationship that seems to echo a sibling-rivalry, with Hux seeming to constantly interfere with Ren’s more paternal connection to Supreme Leader Snoke.

Hux and Ren are given multiple scenes together, and it becomes quite clear that the character exists as a direct contrast to Ren. We are meant to compare their reactions as they are faced with similar orders.

How capable are your soldiers, General?

I won’t have you question my methods.

They’re obviously skilled at committing high treason. Perhaps Leader Snoke should consider using a clone army.

In the above sequence, the film spells out that Ren has nothing to do with the First Order’s indoctrination of child-soldiers. Ren is specifically Snoke’s foot-soldier and a Knight of Ren, not Hux’s partner (as has been discussed, Ren hates the Trooper program). Ren and Hux barely tolerate each other. When you consider the fact that Hux is a twisted, genocidal, power-hungry, sadistic maniac absorbed with self-importance and lacking even a single redeeming quality, it should be obvious that Hux serves the purpose of humanizing Ren, of making him look “better” by comparison.

Hux watches, his eyes WILD WITH POWER AND EVIL.

TIGHT ON KYLO REN as he watches the Starkiller firing.

Hux’s Nazi speech is also entirely his own. Ren isn’t even present on Starkiller Base when the weapon is fired at the Hosnian System. He is watching it from afar, fists clenched. We are given a description of Hux’s eyes, but we cannot know what Ren’s might look like at this exact same moment. He is leaning over the window, watching the weapon fire. It is meant to make us question what Ren really thinks of all this.  

Hux repeatedly rebukes Ren for going against Snoke. He seems to have an innate desire to embarrass Ren in front of his Master. Hux is also fully aware of Ren’s wavering conviction, which makes him all the more dangerous as an antagonist.

Good. Then we will crush them once and for all. Prepare the weapon.

Kylo Ren is stunned by the moment – that isn’t what he meant at all

Supreme Leader. I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance.

Above we have perhaps the most telling comparison. Hux and Snoke decide to destroy the Illeenium System—where Leia Organa, Kylo Ren’s mother, happens to be. Ren is completely against the order, and even tries to offer up another solution, but he is shot down as Hux walks away, giving him a snide glower.


Despite being the main antagonist of The Force Awakens, Kylo Ren is a surprisingly truthful character. He only lies once in the entire film, and it is clear at this exact moment that Ren is an absolutely abysmal liar. He and Snoke are discussing the droid, which has fallen into the hands of Ren’s father through a series of odd coincidences. Ren reacts to the news in the following manner:

Kylo Ren reacts with subtle, but real, surprise.

He means nothing to me.

This scene is closely followed by the famous “pull to the Light” sequence in which Ren reveals that Snoke was fully capable of sensing his deceit. Han Solo does not mean nothing to Kylo Ren.

You’re my guest.

Where are the others?

You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call friends? You’ll be relieved to hear that I have no idea.

Kylo Ren stops, considers her… then reaches up, unlatches and REMOVES HIS MASK. Rey reacts, stunned. It takes a moment before she regains her own mask of defiance.

When Rey wakes up in the interrogation scene, Kylo doesn’t bother lying to her even once. He could have told Rey her friends were dead, but instead he expresses the truth: he has no idea where they are. He also removes his mask when she reveals her (understandable) mistrust. He is very honest with her.

… You’re so lonely… so afraid to leave… At night, desperate to sleep… you imagine an ocean. I see it – I see the island… And Han Solo. You feel like he’s the father you never had. He would’ve disappointed you.

He’s also open about what he sees in her head, even going so far as to “warn” her that Han Solo would have disappointed her if he really was her father.

I’m being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?

Perhaps the most controversial example can be found in Kylo Ren’s conversation with Han Solo on the catwalk. As an audience, we should have been able to infer that Kylo Ren never bothers to lie, opting instead for the truth.

This indirect characterization gives us all we need to know to understand that Kylo is in no way attempting to manipulate his father. He goes through with Snoke’s orders for a “personal” reason, in order to be “free of [his] pain.” He truly could not have kill his father on his own, and genuinely expresses to Han that he needs his help. The scene is heartbreaking on many levels, particularly when you realize that Han resting his hand on his son’s cheek is likely the first true human contact Ren has felt in years.


Adam Driver said it himself, Kylo Ren is mainly motivated by what he considers to be feelings of abandonment from his family. His sentiments about his family are complex to say the least, with Ren mentioning them several times throughout the film. As always, Ren reveals far more of himself than he intends to.

“He means nothing to me.”

As we have already discussed, this was proven to be an outright (and pathetic) attempt at a lie.

“Han Solo. […] He would have disappointed you.”

Han Solo disappointed Ren.

“Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father. So I destroyed him.”

Ren considered his father to be weak and foolish for “something”. Is this the same “something” that caused him to harbour so much disappointment in his family? We can only speculate right now, so I’ll leave it at that.

We must also notice that Ren only starts to cry when Han expresses that “we [Han and Leia] miss him”. Ren’s feelings about his mother are perhaps even more difficult to comprehend than those about his father.

Always remember that Han Solo died as any father should, loving his son, forgiving him, and hping that he can someday find his way home.

An extra layer of intricacy can be found between Snoke and Ren. There is clearly a dependence of some kind between them, perhaps because Snoke was there for Ren when Han and Leia weren’t, using his loneliness to manipulate him. The notion is quite tragic, but we simply don’t know enough about the topic yet.

Part 2: Symbolism, Metaphor and Foreshadowing

Now that we have a clear understanding of the most important facets of Kylo Ren’s characterization, this second part of the meta will focus on the artistic devices in The Force Awakens, particularly the use of symbolism, metaphor and foreshadowing that directly pertain to Kylo’s redemption arc.

Once more, a quick refresher on some important terms.

Symbolism is the practice of using an object or word to represent an abstract idea. An action, person, place, word of object can all have symbolic meaning.

Foreshadowing is a literary technique through which an author hints at what is to come.

A metaphor is a figure of speech that identifies something as being the same as some unrelated thing for rhetorical effect that, usually, provides clarity; thus, the implied conceptual relationship rhetorically highlights the similarities between two ideas.


It was revealed in an interview with Adam Driver that Kylo Ren’s lightsaber and helmet are meant to be a metaphor for his character, that he is “unfinished” and “unpolished” and appears as though he might crack at any moment. It can thus be assumed that, in order to develop, Kylo will eventually have to become “finished”, “polished” and “in control”.

Interestingly, some people use this as evidence supporting the notion that Kylo will never be redeemed, that he will become eviler and eviler until he kills Luke and Leia. Hilarious, I know.  

We must realize that treading further along the path of Darkness would not lead to Ren being “finished” or “whole”. He is the focal point of the Light and Dark, and until he accepts both sides of his being he can never be whole, he can never mature naturally or discover his true purpose. That is the true metaphor behind the saber.



To see we’re LOOKING UP AT A WARRIOR as he is STABBED BY A FIERY LIGHTSABER! He screams and falls to the ground – we FOLLOW HIM, revealing Rey again, now in a nighttime battlefield. She gets to her feet, frightened by what she sees. We PIVOT AROUND HER to REVEAL KYLO REN, and the six other KNIGHTS OF REN, who flank him!

Come back around to Rey, soaking now, as the RAIN STOPS and SUNLIGHT illuminates her – she turns to look – we PIVOT – and see…

A little girl. Rey as a child. She is sobbing, hysterical. Unkar Plutt’s meaty hand holds her thin arm. She is on Jakku, watching a starship fly into the sky, abandoning her.

No, come back!

Rey discovers that she has some kind of connection with Anakin’s lightsaber as she touches it and is thrust into a terrifying Force Back. She sees past, present and future, and is pursued by the only individual who seems to acknowledge her presence in the dream sequence: Kylo Ren. He is the focus of her vision more than anything, which is quite interesting when you remember that the saber (according to Ren) belonged to him at one point. Does Rey feel bonded with the Skywalker saber, or with Ren himself? Only time will tell.

Maz Kanata’s speech to Rey directly following the Force Back is one of the turning points of the film. Maz insinuates that Rey’s family is never returning, and that the belonging she seeks is ahead, not behind.

Dear child. I see your eyes. You already know the truth. Whomever you’re waiting for on Jakku, they’re never coming back. But… there’s someone who still could.

There is someone who still could come back. Rey immediately assumes Maz is referring to Luke, but what if she’s actually insinuating that Kylo Ren can still [come back to the Light]? It would make for a brilliant example of foreshadowing in the long-run.

The end of the Force Back scene is also edited in such a way that it appears as though the little girl is speaking directly to Ren. We hear her say “come back” before the child is revealed, and right after we see Ren approaching Rey on the rainy battlefield.

This notion opens up the possibility that the belonging Rey seeks may lie in the focus of her Force Back, in the true owner of the saber: in Kylo Ren. And who is she about to meet in the forest? Who is directly ahead of her?


“I feel it again, the pull to the Light.”

— Kylo Ren

Kylo Ren is quite the tortured soul indeed. He does everything in his power to quiet the call of the Light—which he literally refers to as a seduction—but no matter what he finds that he “feels it again”.  It seems simple enough. Ren is a Dark-affiliated Force-Sensitive who is in great inner-turmoil as a result of the longing for the Light he can’t seem to shake. However small, it is his greatest foil, his most significant element of characterization.

So what is this pull to the Light? Ren makes it quite obvious that whatever connection he maintains to his family incites it. The mere mention of Han Solo causes him to confess his sins to his grandfather’s helmet. It is a pull to his family, to his old life.

But how exactly does Ren’s “pull to the Light” ultimately manifest itself? What is most representative of the Light in The Force Awakens—or more specifically, who?


Many fans have recognized that Kylo Ren develops an unusual fixation on the heroine after first encountering her in the forest of Takodana. Some have postulated that he has an interest in her power, while others say that he is genuinely attracted to her in some fashion, be that physically, mentally or through the Force that flows between them.

I’m much more inclined to believe the second interpretation, because it takes into account Kylo Ren’s characterization and his context in the narrative. He feels genuine compassion for her, he cannot help but bond with her loneliness and her fear. These are not hallmarks of an individual enamoured by power, but rather, by something far more human. That is why combining the themes of Force-related seduction with romantic and sexual seduction are paramount to comprehending Ren’s role in the future of this Trilogy.

Rey is a symbol in herself. She represents everything Kylo Ren has denied himself. She is a beautiful young woman who is highly connected to the Light side of the Force, and he quite literally cannot help but be willingly seduced by her Light.

“By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced.”

— Kylo Ren to Snoke

This is classic foreshadowing and irony in the vein of Vader’s famous “There is no conflict” or even Leia’s “I would sooner kiss a Wookie”. When a character expresses that he won’t be seduced in this manner in the first Episode of a Trilogy and proceeds to become completely fixated on a woman who happens to represent the Light by which he expresses he “will not be seduced” they might as well be spelling out that they will be seduced. In a manner of speaking, methinks Kylo doth protest too much.

We must also remember that this film concluded with Ren being rescued by Hux in order to “complete his training”. By the grace of Snoke’s training indeed.

“There was too much Vader in him.”

— Han Solo

Too much Vader… but too much of “what” exactly? This is left open to interpretation. Vader was a Sith Lord, but he was also Anakin Skywalker, the man who gave his own life to save his only son, the Jedi who fell to the Dark Side because the Emperor manipulated his undying love for his wife. Just as Anakin was prepared to do anything for Padme, Ren may ultimately be willing to go to great lengths for Rey, regardless of whether or not his sentiments are ever outwardly reciprocated.

This definitely ties into the fact that Rey and Ren’s themes are essentially Across the Stars in reverse.

Rey is under a spotlight, practically emanating light. Her light is extending toward the crouched figure of Ren, who is watching her submissively. Ren can’t seem to take his eyes off the glowing young woman.


Although the new superweapon received a great deal of criticism from fans for being “just another lame Death Star”, Starkiller Base happens to be one of the most effective and blatant symbols in the entire movie. From absorbing a “sun’s” light as power to transforming into a “reborn sun” at the film’s conclusion, the metaphor created is both telling and very artistic.

“It uses the power of the sun. As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears.”

— Finn about Starkiller Base

“Snoke is using you for your power.”

— Han about Ben Solo

The comparison here is just begging to be made. Starkiller Base manipulates the “light” of a sun as a weapon. In English, the words “sun” and “son” happen to be the same. This is a pun that has been used throughout English literature and even biblical texts to describe the “prodigal son”. Ren is of course the “son” (to Han and Leia), the fallen legacy who wants nothing more than to subdue the light within himself.

“I am too much I’ the sun.”

— Hamlet

The “sun” and the “son” is a powerful symbol that cannot be used lightly, but it only becomes more obvious as the film progresses:

And just then, the LAST BEAM OF SUNLIGHT streaming through the open hatch VANISHES.

Han actually smiles – and reaches out for the dark weapon – but with the light now gone, KYLO REN’S EYES FILL WITH DARKNESS.

At this moment, Kylo Ren murdered his father. Starkiller Base sucked the life from a sun, casting a shadow across the planetary weapon, and across Kylo Ren. The sun’s death heralded Ren’s darkest act. As hope was lost, so too were Ben and Han Solo. The sun, the son and father fell together.

Kylo Ren is somehow WEAKENED by this wicked act. Himself horrified. His SHOCK is broken only when –

We must also take into account Ren’s reaction to killing his father. If this sounds like someone who has gone Full Dark to you… I think you missed the point of the movie.

Something amazing happens at the end of the film:

The X-wings ROAR OFF, skyward as the MUSIC SOARS, the PLANET IMPLODES – THE SUNLIGHT IT CONTAINS BURSTS FORTH, and as we get further and further distance from what was Starkiller Base, we witness the REBIRTH OF A SUN. Light restored to a corner of the galaxy.

This is about as descriptive as any script is going to get. We witnessed the “rebirth of a sun”. Rebirth of a sun… or rebirth of a “son”?

Poe and the rest of the pilots destroyed the oscillator that was containing the sun’s trapped energy and light. This happened in unison with Rey defeating Kylo in the snowy wood. In a story that surrounds the concept of Light and Dark as two sides of a coin and that involved a sun dying to symbolize the loss of hope as a character violently murdered his own father, having that same sun be “reborn” in a flurry of light is very telling. Kylo Ren was filled with darkness as the sun fell, but after being defeated by Rey (interesting how Rey’s name is also a pun on a sun “ray”) he was “reborn” along with the new sun, his father’s eternal resting place.

And if all that symbolism doesn’t drive it home for you, take a look at this Easter Egg from The Force Awakens soundtrack. Two themes are connected by a horn solo, the moment we hear Kylo Ren’s theme for the very first time in “Attack on Jakku Village” and the exact moment the sun is reborn in “Farewell and the Trip”. The same solo can be heard in both songs, referencing the theme of the reborn sun (or in this case, the reborn “son”).

Go to 4:18

The first version is more ominous, as it is combined with Kylo’s dissonant theme.

Go to 0:46

The second is hopeful and triumphant, and even melds with the Force Theme. The solos are exactly the same, however. This hard-evidence proves to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that the writers intended to have Starkiller Base’s rebirth as a “sun” represent Kylo’s own metaphorical rebirth.


Kylo’s final fight with Finn and Rey is perhaps one of the most artistically significant moments in the entire Star Wars franchise. From pursuing the duo into the icy forest to being branded by Rey, Ren is quick to reveal the results of his physical, mental and emotional unraveling as he engages Finn and Rey in battle. If a viewer has failed to comprehend Ren until this point, Ren’s behavior will go completely over their head.

Finn, Rey and Ren contrast each other beautifully. They were all children who were separated physically from their parents, and who dealt with the emotional trauma of abandonment in different ways. Finn was brainwashed, but maintained a high level of humanity; Rey dreamed every day of her family returning; Ren gave in to the Darkness that was tugging at him. Acknowledging the fact that they are all foils of each other gives their battle so much more emotional impact. They are fighting themselves as much as they are fighting each other, lost souls who may ultimately need each other to find their way home.

“It’s just us now. Han Solo can’t save you.”

The fight begins with this line. Strangely enough, it appears as though he is speaking only to Rey (translations corroborate this). However, it should be clear based on Ren’s prior characterization that he isn’t just stating that “Han Solo can’t save Rey”. In reality, he’s acknowledging the tragic fact that Han Solo can no longer save him.

“That lightsaber, it belongs to me.”

Ren doesn’t acknowledge Finn until after he has knocked Rey out after she attempted to shoot him. Finn takes up the Skywalker saber in order to protect Rey, running at his ex-superior—the man who allowed him to disobey direct orders—with a lion’s heart.


Why would Ren call Finn a traitor once again. Why would any character who just murdered his own father title someone else a traitor? Because Ren isn’t reprimanding Finn; he’s reprimanding himself, punishing himself physically and metaphorically. We already know that Ren saw himself in Finn, and he still does. He beats his own wounds during their fight, filled with self-hate and rage. Ren is grieving in his own way, his emotions causing him to lose all sense of self. He burns Finn, and finally slashes him up the spine, putting him temporarily out-of-commission just as Rey wakes up.

“You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force.”

Rey and Ren’s battle is—as Harrison Ford once said—fantastic visual storytelling. There is so much occurring on-screen that it becomes almost overwhelming to take in.

It begins with Rey catching the Skywalker saber. All the tension leaves Ren’s body as he gazes at her with his old saber in her hands. It should be clear that he does not view this girl the same way he views Finn. While he was furious and masochistic in Finn’s presence, there is something very different in his countenance with Rey.

He is enamored by her Light, totally and utterly fixated. His expression is one of complete awe, and he maintains it throughout the fight.

He chases her through the wood, battling her as he attempts to disarm her. They are perfect opposites, moving in unison, dancing while in the midst of an epic clash. There is certainly a beauty to it, with the red and blue sabers seeming to create a shade of mauve just as Starkiller Base begins to fall apart. A crack appears in the planet, spewing fire just as they cross sabers.

As they attempt to stave each other off above the abyss, they seem to share a moment. It is at this point that Ren offers himself to her, declaring that “she needs a teacher” and that “he can show her the ways of the Force.” It is interesting to note that Ren doesn’t use the terms “Dark Side/Darkness” (as he did throughout the film). Of course he isn’t offering to teach her about the Light, but we are meant to question his behavior. He isn’t fully trained himself, yet he wants to teach her, to run away with her, to be with her?

Rey takes the opportunity to channel the Force for the first time, and suddenly she gains the upper-hand. She starts to chase him, stabbing at his clothes and body. She is as brutal against him as he was against Finn, and when they grasp arms and balance each other’s sabers, there is an undeniable example of symbolism. Rey is burying the dark saber in the snow, and he looks fully prepared to have it extinguished, to be rid of it once and for all.

She overcomes him physically, mentally and emotionally, leaving him scarred on the forest floor. Rey almost taps into the Dark Side, and has to stop herself from killing him, from wiping out the representation of the Darkness that took away her father-figure and first true friend.

Ren’s scar is an interesting shape, curved just like the Yin and Yang symbol. The scar is a threefold symbol of Rey’s connection to Ren, to the moment she almost crossed the threshold to the Dark Side, and to Ren’s duality. He no longer has to wear a mask to be a “monster”.

Ren is left beaten, but the symbolism of the reborn sun tells us that the Light within him has not been extinguished. There is still a chance for Ben Solo, as his mother rightfully expressed to her husband before he performed the ultimate sacrifice.

There’s still light in him. I know it

Leia is not about to give up on her son. When Han died, she reacted to Ren’s suffering more than anything (the cut happens just as Ren seems to realize what he has done). I suspect neither Luke nor his sister would be willing to abandon their living link to Han… their true legacy: Ben Solo.


Episode VII ends with Rey handing “Luke’s” lightsaber back to its rightful owner… but we must remember that this saber may very well have also belonged to Ben Solo. Again, I have to wonder if Rey’s connection really extends to the Skyalkers at all, or simply to Kylo Ren? Only time can tell.

Well… I guess that’s all I have to say on this subject for now. I’ll conclude this meta by making it clear that there is zero foreshadowing pointing toward this story taking any other direction. If the writers are competent and made use of all these classic literary techniques in good faith, then we can be assured that Kylo Ren will be receiving quite the redemption arc in future Episodes.

If not, I’ll be keeping my money.

EDITS: To add pictures/fix spelling mistakes.

Just Friends: Part 1

(( OOC: Inspired by We Were Infinite @wolfstar-puppylove 

Lily Evans played by: @potterdeer ))

Lily: *makes her way up the stairs to the girls dorm, throwing back a mildly amused look as she closes the door* 

James: *distracted* Yeah?

James: … What?

James: But… *shrugs uncomfortably* 

James: A lot… like A LOT, a lot. 

Sirius: You’ve never really dated… anyone.  

Sirius: … You’re wasting your chance to see anyone else. *shrugs* There are a lot of pretty birds here.

Sirius: *sighs* C’mon Prongs…

James: *spots Emmeline Vance walking by* 

Emmeline: *smiles as she passes James*  

Sirius: James? 

To Be Continued


Favorite books part I | Recommendations

  • the air he breathes by Brittainy Cherry (love after loss)
  • kyland by mia sheridan (second chance romance)
  • before we were strangers by renee carlino (second chance romance)
  • stepbrother dearest by penelope ward (forbidden romance)
  • loving mr. daniels by brittainy Cherry (forbidden romance)

am-217  asked:

HEY JULIE can you link me when we collide because I can't find it and its upsetting and i even scrolled really far. Also follow up question did you delete it??? I saw your post saying we were so understanding and stuff

Part 1 and Part 2 :-) I didn’t delete them but they’re on hiatus. 

When We Were Young

Part Three (1,057 words)

Part [1] [2]

When you and Sam eventually hit the familiar dirt tract, nostalgia hit you hard. 

The two of you had driven for a solid ten hours straight never stopping longer than a few minutes for bathroom breaks and gas. You’d both talked more about the last year and all the things the brothers had tried to do to break the contract before you’d finally fallen asleep. Now Sam was nudging you awake, as he reached your destination.

You were pleasantly surprised to see that the Singer Salvage Yard hadn’t changed a bit since your last visit. The grounds will still filled with hundreds of different cars and the house in the centre looked as old as ever yet the place gave you an odd sense that you could only describe as home.

“Still the same huh?” He laughed lightly, you can only imagine the look that must be on your face.

“Yeah.” You laughed too as your eyes continued to look around.

“I had the same reaction when I first came back.” He stopped the car right outside the garage and was out of the door before you could say anything else.

You followed him eventually, taking your time as you breathed in the scene before you. You ran your fingertips along the rusted hood of one of the cars as all your memories of the place come flying back. You smiled as you remembered the time you and Sam had been playing hide and seek amongst the car parts and how it took him almost an hour to find you. You and Dean had shared your first kiss of many tangled up in the back seats of one of the old cars, before you star gazed on its hood for most of the night, lost in your own little world. You’d tried so hard to forget all those memories that it felt strange to finally be back.

It took you awhile, but you finally built up the courage to head inside after Sam.

“Good God, Y/N?” Bobby’s eyes were so wide you were surprised they didn’t fall out of his skull.

“Hey Bobby.” You smiled at the old hunter. It was comforting to see that just like his home, he hadn’t changed at all. Same scruffy beard, same ripped jeans, same worn down baseball cap. You’d adored Bobby growing up, unlike John or your own dad he’d always check in to tell you he was safe and to ask if the three of you were okay. He’d often take breaks in between hunts to spend time with you all, take you to places none of you’d been before. You’d quickly become the children Bobby had never had.

“I had to see it with my own eyes to believe it.” You barely had time to blink before he was hugging you. You hadn’t realised how much you’d missed him until now. “We didn’t think you’d come.”

“Well you know me, never one to disappoint.” You looked over at Sam who gave you a sheepish shrug. Had they really believed that you’d be so hard to convince? Truth was as long as Dean was in danger you’d always come running.

“I’m glad you came.” He lightly patted your shoulder before heading back to his seat at the dining table.

“Bobby thought we could start with what he had here first before we widen the search.” Sam handed you a cup of coffee as he explained the stacks of books laid out before you all.

“Sounds good. Do you mind if I take a quick shower first?” You asked taking a sip of your drink, thankful for the caffeine. You were so stiff from the drive that you were hoping the hot water could help you relax a little so you could focus solely on the task at hand.

“Course not, you know where the spare room is.” Bobby nodded towards the stairs as he grabbed one of the many books from the pile.

“Thanks.” You made your way up them, suddenly annoyed at yourself for not coming back here sooner.

When you reached the bedroom you were shocked to see it was filled with Dean’s things. The room even smelt like him, a mix of whisky, leather and gunpowder. A scent you knew all too well. The box Sam had told you about sat on the dresser and you couldn’t resist peaking inside.

Once you did, you wished you hadn’t.

Just like Sam had said, it was filled with pictures. Mostly you and Dean, ones from the first time you’d ever visited the beach, ones at the yard, ones of you kissing, holding hands, hugging, ones of you laughing like you didn’t have a care in the world. There were also ones of just you, pictures you hadn’t even realised Dean had taken. There were other things too. Stupid little notes that you’d wrote to him, the menu from the diner you’d had your first date at and even the watch you’d bought him for one of his birthdays.

Then you’d found the piece of paper Sam had talk about. You recognised Dean’s hand writing instantly as you read your own phone number, work address and home address. You knew Dean like you knew the back of your hand, there was no doubt in your mind that he’d driven past your house at least once to check the information. Probably in some borrowed car so you didn’t recognise the impala. So if he’d known all this, why hasn’t he reach out to you? Why hadn’t he kept his promise? Had you really meant that little to him?

The tears you’d been holding back all night finally spilt over as you launched the box across the room, it’s contents littering the floor. You didn’t bother muting your rage filled sobs as you continued to throw what ever you could get your hands on, not caring about damaging them. You hadn’t realised Sam had entered the room until you were on your knees, crying out and his arms wrapped around you as he pulled you into him. He cradled your head to his chest as you soaked through his t-shirt.

Why didn’t he call me Sammy?“ You managed to choke out the question once you’d finally calmed down.

“Because my brothers idiot.” His arms tightened around you as your heart continued to break.

Part Four


One day ill stop doing these in the middle of the night. But was just wrappping up the edit on a music video i shot and directed for UK rapper Stevie Creed, when i was going in to shoot it i had one concept in my head, we were going to shoot stevie running through various parts of brooklyn in a 1 point perspective style, where he would be in center frame as we cut from location to location… we ended up shooting on the hottest day of the year and we quickly realized it just wasnt going to happen… so i had to IMAO(Improvise, Modify,Adapt,Overcome), i then thought about one of my favorite anime directors Kon Satoshi and his use of match cuts, and i thought him…. what if we did something similar the end result was a music video i hope you will all enjoy when it premieres, before that thought watch this amazing video Essay on Kon, one of my biggest inspirations.

When We Were Young

Part Seven (1,147 words)

Part [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]

When you got back from work Dean was still glued to his usual spot on the couch. It had been a little over a month since he’d somehow managed to convince you to let him stay. You weren’t entirely sure if your offer was out of love or pity, most likely a tangled mess of the both. At first you’d let him be, you understood what it must have felt like for him to lose Sam and that he needed to grieve. But everyday you come home to find him the same way you’d left, unshaved, unshowered, a bottle of whisky in his hand and his snores echoing through out the room. You couldn’t take it anymore.

“Dean get up.” You shoved at his shoulder to show you weren’t playing around. His only response was a slight grunt before he rolled to his side, clutching the alcohol bottle to his chest. You looked around the room, doing the only thing you could think of as you grabbed the glass of water off the coffee table, the same glass you’d leave for him every morning, and poured it over his head.

“Y/N what the hell!” His body shot up as a reaction to the cold water. His wide eyes filled with anger found you as water droplets fell from his hair and on to his shirt. You struggled to hold back your laughter, biting your lip to do so. You needed to be serious right now, being stern was the only way.

“It’s time to get up Dean, when Sam said normal I’m sure he didn’t mean this.” Your hand gestured towards the couch and Dean flinched at the sound of his brothers name.

“But-” He began to grumble and excuse but you were tired of hear them. Knowing you’d cave if you let him finish you simply cut him off.

“No buts Dean. Get off your arse and get in that shower. Once your ready we’re going to Bobby’s to get the rest of your stuff and then we’re finding you a job.” You stared at him as you finished your mini rant, the two of you locking eyes in silence for what felt like forever. “Understood?”

“Yes Ma'am.” He mumbled a responded followed by an eye roll but got to his feet and did as you asked, knowing better than to argue with you when you were like this.

It didn’t take Dean long, twenty minutes if that, before he was standing in front of you, a strong smell of aftershave radiating off him and fresh flannel clinging to his torso. The right corner of your lips turned up into a smirk as you noticed he’d chosen to keep the beard, something you silently admitted you’d grown fond of.

“Ready?” You asked as you pushed yourself off the couch, grabbing your keys from the coffee table as you did so.

“You’re serious about this?” Dean’s eyes widened in surprise and you immediately knew what he was talking about. Dean staying with you wasn’t meant to be permanent, it was just a temporary solution while he pulled himself together yet here you were asking him to move in.

“I said didn’t I? Now hurry up Bobby’s already expecting us.” You shrugged it off as you grabbed the rest of your stuff and headed out side.

“Can I drive?” He shifted awkwardly between his two feet as he stopped on the door step.

“You want to drive my car?” Your eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, you remember Dean once referring to your car as a piece of scrap metal that was nothing compared to his beloved Impala and would never be caught dead in it.

“I was thinking maybe we could take mine?” He slowly began to make his way towards the garage, where he’d hidden the ‘67 Chevy on the first day he’d arrived.

“Oh…” You felt your heart beat speed up at the thought of being in the car again. You knew it was stupid but the vehicle held a special place in your memories when it came to you and the older Winchester. It had been while you were sitting in the front passenger seat, the music blasting and the windows down that you first realised you were in love with Dean. But for the first time in five years, other than the occasional glance, you were about to see the inside again. You took a deep breath, knowing Dean needed to do this. “Sure.” When you slid in that familiar leather seat you where surprised to see that the car hasn’t really changed at all. The seat was just as cold as ever against your skin, the same old rock tapes littered the door draws and once the car was started you heard the stuck pieces of lego rattling around.

“It’s still there you know.” Dean could see you looking around out of the corner of his eye as he turned out of your street.

“No way!” You eyes widen in shock and your hands automatically flew to the glove box, scrambling to open it as quickly as possible. Just as he said, your initials alongside Dean’s were still carved into the plastic. You smiled slightly, your fingertips tracing the patterns of the letters. Dean couldn’t help but smile with you at your reaction. He’d replaced parts of the car, repaired others but he could never bring himself to get rid of the last part of you he had left.

“I really am sorry.” The words were a low whisper as Dean stayed focused on the road.

“For what?” His apology snapped you back to reality and you slammed the glove box shut.

“For leaving, for just never coming back.” He nervously slide his hands down the steering wheel before he shifted them back up.

“I just don’t understand why Dean, what did I do wrong?” You looked down at your hands, biting down on your tongue to hold back your emotions.

“Nothing, that was the problem.” He sighed, shaking his head at your innocence. Dean had loved you more than anything, he was surprised you hadn’t seen that. "Things got messy, life got complicated. You deserved so much better, and I couldn’t risk losing you so I did the only thing I could think of.”

“Didn’t you think I deserved a say in all that?” You spat your words with quiet anger. That choice shouldn’t have just been Dean’s alone.

“Maybe… I don’t know.” He sighed in defeat, unsure whether you’ll ever forgive him fully. "I was stupid.”

“I thought you stopped loving me.” You laughed without humor as you confessed out loud what you’d thought for years. "Though maybe you’d found someone else.”

“Hey!” For the first time since the conversation Dean looked over at you, his eyes full of regret as his fingers slipped between yours. "Don’t you ever think that.”

Husband Reacts to Harry Styles: Another Man Photoshoot (Part 1)

We were recently blessed with about a million beautiful photos of Harry, courtesy of Another Man Magazine, so I had to see what Husband thought of the photos. This is part 1 of 3, because I couldn’t get him to sit through all 44 photos in one sitting…

Much thanks to @heartsogold for scanning and uploading the entire article, which is what I used to get Husband’s reaction. The HQ images in this post are courtesy of Another Man Magazine.

  • Hubs: (seeing himself on the camera) Ugh my hair looks awful! I need a haircut!
  • Me: It looks fine!                                                                                       
  • Hubs: You also think Harry Styles’ hair looks fine, I don’t trust your judgment!!!                                                                                                   
  • Me: So there’s 44 images, how many do you think you can handle tonight?
  • Hubs: I dunno, just keep going until I puke.

“Oh God why is his nipple out?! Oh my God I’m done already! We literally just started and I’m already fucking done! Ugh. This freaks me out. His nipple looks too far to the outside. And where’s his other nipples? Did they photoshop them out? I wish they had photoshopped out his nasty-ass armpit hair.”

“Did they have a bunch of leftover clothing from other photoshoots that they just threw on him?? Why was his nipple out in the first photo?! I can’t get over that.”

“He looks more normal without the extra nipples. Less cow-like.”

  • Me: I’m kinda upset that they were photoshopped out, his extra nipples are my favorite part of him!
  • Hubs: So there is no other part of him that you like more? His EXTRA NIPPLES are your favorite body part? They’re not even real nipples! They can’t produce milk!                                                                                       
  • Me: I don’t think any of his nipples can.
  • Hubs: If he took hormones maybe they could…                                   
  • Me: And in that one fan fiction I made you listen to they did!                      

(this is in reference to the fanfiction where Niall reverts to the mentality of a baby, and Harry lactates to feed him. It’s great.)

“Ughhh. Ughhh. Is he orgasming?”

“He has to pee, and he’s kissing the air. Gotcha.”

“He’s wearing a carpet and a collar! I bet the carpet suit came with the collar. Buy this ugly suit and get a collar for free! It’s fashion! Actually, no, he probably brought the collar to the shoot. It probably belongs to him. I bet all the clothes in this shoot actually belonged to him. He needs to hem those pants, though.”

“He looks like The Joker with that long-ass grungy hair.”

“He still has that fucking collar on, is he a dumb dog? Does he realize it’s not a fashion thing? It’s a BDSM thing.”

“All he’s wearing is that collar! Why can’t he just wear regular clothing?”

I don’t know, but I, for one, am glad he isn’t.

So what do you think? Would you like to read Husband’s reactions to the rest of the photos? Let me know!

See all my other Husband Reacts posts here.