we were 7 years old

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Clexa Week 2017 - Day 6 - Friends to Lovers.

Childhood Sweethearts Au

Drabble by @danagrint

“Do you remember that time when we were 7 years old and you wrote that card saying "you are my sun my moon and all my stars”? If I had to choose the point where it starts, I’d say it was then. But it took me years to realize. It’s not as bad as it sounds. You were my best friend, do you remember that time when we decided to wear matching weird socks for a month? I still don’t know what we were thinking, but I’m glad for all the crazy things I did with you, and for you. I’m glad that I don’t have to tell you about everything I went through, because you were there living it with me. Then college came and it was weird, because for the first time I realized that maybe our best friends forever bubble was just a childhood fantasy. New people, new places, new dreams. I still remember the afternoon when things changed. Raven was driving, Octavia was there too. And you were looking out of the window, and in this moment, I wanted to kiss you. I looked at you and I felt that pull, I wanted to feel your lips, I just… I tried to stay away. I thought I was crazy, or lonely, or it was just something about your new glasses that made you more attractive. I don’t know. I was afraid of what I felt or might feel close to you. What I could end up doing. I didn’t want to mess up what we had. I started dreaming with things I never thought I’d want to do with you. I’ve known you all my life, but I realized that there was still much to learn about you. Rediscover our memories, your body and all the little spots on your skin. And then you kissed me. You kissed me, Lexa, and you became my sun, my moon and all my stars.“

😒

anonymous asked:

I feel really uncomfortable with all thats going on. I support women who are victims of sexual crimes but also, we can't deny that there are cases when a man is INNOCENT but have their reputation damaged forever. People have to realize that claiming someone is a "rapist" is the worst they can do without any proof. Even in jail they are treated worse than murderers. So without a guilty verdict hanging over him and with these women taking money we should all be more careful with what we say and do

At the end of the day, the situation has been handled all wrong, no matter how you look at things.

People have been condemning and slandering Casey only seven years after the allegations came out. That is seven years after the allegations were settled by BOTH parties involved in the case. Seven years after the allegations were dropped.

Why? Because he was getting Oscar buzz.

No one said anything in 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 or the first eight months of 2016.

Those facts alone present three huge problems:

1) People ‘sharing’ and spreading misinformation and a lot of time passing judgement on a person and case they knew virtually nothing about to the point it became ‘viral’

2) People deciding that an allegation equals a conviction, picking and choosing legal terms to their liking, constantly interchanging very different terms as if they were synonyms and throwing names that were nowhere to be seen on the original and official allegations, like “rape” and “sexual assault”

3) Only deciding to care and pay attention when the person involved was receiving praise and good things were predicted for him. People had a problem with that. With someone doing really well.

The very first time I addressed this situation I said something that still holds true: We (people in general, public, fans, etc.) have no idea of what truly happened on the set of “I’m Still Here” regarding those allegations. We simply don’t. We have one side alleging they were sexually harassed. We have the other side DENYING the allegations. That’s it. That’s what we know. The fact that the allegations exist doesn’t mean they were true. Doesn’t mean they were false. It just means that WE DON’T KNOW and so who are we to judge?

We are all entitled to our opinion, and to dislike whomever we dislike for whatever reasons we may have. But literally taking 7 year old allegations that were unproven and dropped a few weeks after they were made and holding them against someone for everything else that they may now do in the present and future, is uncalled for.

That’s not to mention changing and modifying said harassment allegations and calling Casey a “gross, disgusting rapist” and being hurtful towards the people who have publicly shown support for his work or success.

The thing is, personally, I’ve never claimed Casey is innocent (because I don’t know with certainty that he is). But most people continue to claim Casey is guilty (even though they don’t know with certainty that he is). And there’s something just not right there.

Thank you for stopping by anon! And wow, I wasn’t expecting this to end up being so long, but oh well…

anonymous asked:

Back in 2012 I was really into this warriors rp and ended up being fast friends with about 7 other 12-to-15 year olds. We were super edgy and our cat names included(but were not limited to): Shatterscream, Quartzprickle, Veiledmist, Cursecry, Featherfreeze, Rubyrain, and a cat that was never more than a concept called Strawberrylightning. Fucking wild.

Strawberrylightning is my new banjo cover band that only covers metallica songs

Fragile

A/N: AAANNNNDDDD finally! The next part to my Frat Boy Theo series!! As always I have to thank my twin @badboytheo and I even have a special surprise for you so I hope you like it! You should also watch this video and listen to the song as well! Thank you all for the support and I hope you enjoy!!

Love is great, love is fine
Out the box, out of line
The affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more

“Hey baby.” Theo sat down next you in the grass where you and Tegan were hanging out, soaking up the last few rays of sun before autumn came and made it too cold.

You kissed him on the lips, “Hey Theo. How was class?”

“Fine, missed you though.” He slipped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side and kissing your temple.

“Well aren’t you a charmer,” you giggled at his actions.

“You two are disgusting.” Tegan made a gagging noise before kissing Liam hello as he plopped down next to her.

You rolled your eyes at your best friend, “Now you know how it feels to be the victim of a couple’s PDA.”

Tegan just stuck her tongue out at you playfully while you laughed. This was nice; relaxing on the quad, surrounded by people who care about you and make you happy.

“You two are coming tonight right?”

You gave your boyfriend a questioning look, “Where?”

“Showcase, where the students sign up to show off their talents; singing, dancing, comedy and all that.”

You looked at Tegan who shrugged her shoulders, “I guess. Why are you going?”

“I’m in it.”

“You have talent?”

You snorted at Tegan’s comment while Theo glared at her, “Yes I do.”

“Babe, being a dick to people isn’t exactly a talent.”

“Are you coming tonight or what?”

“Yeah, what time?”

“Starts at 7 and I’m on at 8.”

You looked at your watch; you had 5 hours before it started, “Alright. We’ll probably be there around 7:30ish, I’ll text you when we get there?”

“Sounds good baby. Now I gotta go practice and get ready,” Theo leaned forward to give you a peck, “And princess?” At your hum he gave you a smirk, “Being a dick is an artform.”

Keep reading

#15
  • <p> <b></b> *INFP enters INTJ's room*<p/><b>INFP:</b> *wanders around the room*<p/><b>INTJ:</b> Hey, what do you want to do?<p/><b>INFP:</b> *looks at the chess box and smiles*<p/><b>INTJ:</b> Okay, we can play that. But we both know you've been trying to beat me since we were 7 years old.<p/><b>INFP:</b> Shut up, nerd. I'll win this time.<p/><b></b> *by the end of the game*<p/><b>INTJ:</b> Checkmate. *internally* Oh shit, I won. Again.<p/><b>INFP:</b> *looking at the board* oh...<p/><b>INTJ:</b> We can play again if you want to.<p/><b>INFP:</b> * trows the board to the floor and lays down*<p/><b>INTJ:</b> *internally* Oh, fuck. Let's play it cool. *externally* You are great at many other things.<p/><b>INFP:</b> But....why....<p/><b>INTJ:</b> Let's play [game that INFP's good at]. C'mon.<p/><b>INFP:</b> Okay...<p/></p>
2

Johnny’s POV

It was her. The same girl I saw when we were 7 years old. Man, how I remembered her. Playing with her little puppy in the park and giggling whenever her dog licked her face. Never seen anyone so happy like her.

She’s my age now. All grown up and more beautiful than any other girl in Tulsa. I know I shouldn’t be saying this, and especially about girls, but they sure get better as they age. Oh, how do I tell her that I love her…

[x]

My eyes aren’t mysterious and I won’t lure you in with my quiet words. I laugh a little too loud and enjoy Friday nights at home alone. I prefer not to show a lot of skin and I’m far from promiscuous. I like my lemonade without the vodka and my hair isn’t always perfectly shaped. I’m not a riot. I’m not rebellious. But I promise to love you with what all that I am. I’ll take you to the park where we can walk through the woods and push each other on the swings like we were 7 years old again. We can go out to eat and blow straw wrappers at each other and laugh until we can’t feel our cheeks. I’ll hold your hand in the car and sing you my favorite song, off key and on repeat. I’ll laugh at all of your jokes, even the ones I don’t understand. I’ll make your heart light and young again. And I’ll be, for you, the best that I can.
—  arcticastrum
My Experience with Body Image: The Full Story

The other day one of my friends asked me how I became so body positive and confident. I didn’t really have a good answer because I had never really thought of it. In that moment, the past 18 years of my life flashed before my eyes as I finally realized how far I’ve come and I mean REALLY realized how far I’ve come. I mean, I’ve done a complete 180 as a human being. So then I began to think… How did I get this way? How did I get through all those awful years of self loathing and body hatred? How did I get through that and then end up like this? In recent years, I became a really big advocate for body positivity and self love but I’ve never really shared my full story… with anyone. So here it is. Here is everything. Here is where I started and here is where I ended up. And hopefully hearing my journey can help you figure out where you’d like to end yours. 

The first time I ever felt ashamed of my body was when I was in the 2nd grade. I was 7 years old and we were doing a math project. Our teacher had told us that for this project, we were going to be using our weight as the data. Initially, that statement didn’t mean much to me but as I got on the scale, I quickly realized that I weighed more than the rest of my friends. Everyone was asking each other how much they weighed and I sat and waited for someone to ask me the dreaded question. As expected, People made their rounds and asked me how much I weighed. My mind was racing and I decided that lying was my best option. I picked the same weight as my best friend, a weight that was about 8 pounds less than my own. Looking back on it, 8 pounds doesn’t seem like a lot. But back then it was the separation between being a cute little girl and being an unexplainably ugly monster. 

As years went by, I only became closer with this friend of mine– the same friend that I shadowed in weight for that project. She was my best friend at the time, let’s call her Lauren* (*= Name has been changed for the purposes of this post). Lauren and I did everything together from the time we were in pre-school to the time we were in 4th grade. Lauren was the only one who knew I lied about my weight for that project and she kind of used that to her own advantage (which sounds wild, I mean how is a 7/8 year old this devious… and honestly… I wish I knew). She was an awful friend to me. Whenever we played games together, She would make me be the servant to her royalty, the horse to her rider, the Haylie to her Hilary Duff… and what was her reason for it? I was fat and a fat girl couldn’t be the star of the show, just some background noise to her main show. 

I took the abuse. I was young. I didn’t know any better. And she was my BEST friend, I mean we did EVERYTHING together! But one day, when I was around 9 years old– I told my mother everything that Lauren would say to me. I told my mother that I thought I needed to lose weight and that I felt horrible about myself. My mother, being the wonderful woman that she is, immediately called up Lauren’s mother to figure out why she was being so mean and put a stop to it. My mom got her mom on the phone and said something along the lines of, “I really don’t want Maddie to feel like she’s any less than the other girls because of her size. I don’t want Maddie to think she’s fat so it would be appreciated if you could speak to Lauren about the way she treats Maddie”. This mother’s response to this was, “Oh come on sweety… Maddie already knows she’s fat. Ain’t nothing I can do to change that”.

Unbelievable, right? How could a mother be so careless with a child that had grown up along side of her own? My mother then encouraged me to break ties with Lauren and eventually I got up the courage to tell her that I no longer wanted to be friends. But even after I broke ties, I still had this weight of an insecurity that was going to eat me alive on my shoulders. But this was only the beginning of it all.

When I was 10, I auditioned for my first theatre production. It was the one thing that was going to keep me sane, the stage was my safe place. Through theatre, I met a new group of friends. Friends that were fantastic at the time. We got along really well and we had a common interest keeping us all together. They were my core group of people starting in 5th grade. But… All good things must come to an end and unfortunately– Middle school marks the beginning of the end for a lot of great things. 

When we entered 6th grade, My friends interests shifted big time. They were all slowly losing interest in theatre and gaining interest in being skinny, being popular, and having boyfriends. Whenever we hung out, all they would talk about it how much they weighed, what their diets were, and how they wanted to maximize thier sex appeal. The size of our bras was more important than anything else. I would sit in silence and listen to all of them talk about how their boobs hurt really bad because they were growing and they couldn’t wait to be D cups. We were 11/12 years old and I really wasn’t interested in speaking of any of these things at the time. I had already had my fair share of weight issues and I wanted to avoid the topic at all costs (Plus, I didn’t want to be forced to grow up even more than I had already had to). But it seemed like that was all my friends wanted to talk about. I remember crying in the bathroom on so many occasions because someone would make a comment like, “Maddie, Maybe you should go on a diet like the rest of us!”. It triggered something inside of me that none of them could understand at the time. I had already been through the insecurity of my weight when I was in elementary school and they would drag it up each and every time we hung out. 

The boy I liked didn’t like me back. I blamed it on my weight. So did my friends. I had limited positive influences in my life. I was falling back to where I was before, but this time, I was falling deeper.

I started spending most of my spare time online watching youtube videos. I found comfort in finding people to look up to online. I really enjoyed watching xSamiSDx and lexandsydshow, two channels, and three girls close to my age that had quite large followings at the time. I admired them, I thought they were cool. This was also around the time that Lady Gaga became popular and she became such a huge part of my life, the same way she is today.

6th grade came and went. I kept my toxic friends in my life. 7th grade came. And this is when things went from bad to worse. 

In the fall of 7th grade, I started making music videos. I didn’t have a youtube account so at the time, I would post them on my facebook so that everyone from school could see. I was still really young. I didn’t really understand popularity. I thought that maybe, if I posted my music videos on facebook, all my classmates would think I was just as cool as the youtubers I admired. 

I was wrong. 

When I started posting my videos on facebook, the initial reaction was positive. It mainly came from my family members saying that they thought it was really cute and they were impressed with my ability to work technology (Because lets be real, it doesn’t take much to impress the older generations). But then, it slowly turned negative.

At first, It just started a bunch of gossip behind my back. I didn’t know that I was slowly becoming the laugh of the town. Then, it turned to people commenting directly on my videos… But they were saying nice things! People in my grade and the grades above me would write what seemed to be kind hearted comments on my videos. I was naive. I wanted to see the best in people. I didn’t realize at the time that all of their comments were sarcastic and that they were only writing them to make fun of me even more. 

But like I said, At the time, I still had no idea.

I went on feeling like people actually liked me. Like I was making new friends, meeting new people.

There was this boy named Ryan*. Ryan sat in front of me in English and was to become one of the many boys that tortured me throughout school. He was really well liked, athletic, and he was, well, blossoming faster than most other boys around so all the girls were all over him. He would talk to all the girls that sat around us, but not me. No, Ryan would purposely ignore me. Talk around me and then low key make fun of me while all the other girls giggled. It made me feel discouraged.. upset. Because it seemed like people liked me… but then Ryan would remind me that there was something unfortunately different about me and the rest of the girls in our class. I didn’t know what it was. 

Now, Ryan had a friend named Tim*. Tim was also in my english class and I started to develop a crush on him. I thought Tim was so fricken cute. I thought he was a good guy, I mean, if you have a crush on someone, you always want to see the best in them. I couldn’t see the bad in him. And let me tell you, there was so god damn much of it. 

One day, I was on facebook. I was scrolling through Tim’s timeline… Looking at his photographs, you know, stalking him and inevitably starting to like him even more. And that’s when I came across a post that all the boys in my class were having a conversation on.

The post read: “Sargent Tubs….lol!!!”

I didn’t think anything of it. Until I read the comments.

All of the boys were commenting things, encouraging whatever it was they were talking about. They all thought this post was absolutely hilarious. But why?

A girl in our class commented, “What are you talking about?”

To which Tim responded, “It’s about the fattest girl in our homeroom lol”.

I remember sitting at my computer stunned for a moment. My mind was racing and I started to think things like… “This can’t be about me. Please god, don’t let this be about me”.

But I knew it was. It had to be. I was the biggest girl in our homeroom. I was so much bigger than the other girls. I knew it was me. I tried to ignore it, brush it off. But this is only where it got worse.

The boys would make indirect posts on each others walls about me nearly every day. They would make fun of the things I wore, the things I did, the things I said, everything about me. The pack of boys that would (not so secretly) attack me started to grow. It was more than Tim and Ryan and all the boys in our homeroom. Now boys that I hadn’t even met were joining in on the fun.

Until one day, they decided to upgrade their attack tactics. Oh yes. They took it from indirect facebook posts to direct facebook messaging and spewing horrifying words to me in person. 

It all started when a boy I hadn’t ever spoken to messaged me and said, “Sarge! Do you have diabetes?”

I was confused. It was confirmed that I was the Sargent Tubs they would all talk about. But I ignored the message.

Then they took to the hallways, calling me Sarge or Sargent Tubs whenever they got the chance. They would make fun of my videos. They would make fun of my eyebrows. They would pull my jacket out of my locker and make fun of the size. They would laugh at the way the buttons on some of my shirts pulled at each other a bit. They made comments about the way my thighs spread out when I sat down.

Then one day I walked in and announced to some of my friends how excited I was that I got cast as Cruella Devil in our town’s theatre production of 101 Dalmatians. 

Tim then responded with, “You know you only got cast as that because you’re fat. And that makes you way easier to hate”.

At this point, All of my friends were well aware of the way these boys were torturing me. None of them ever stood up for me. They all cared more about being popular and being well liked than they did about being a true friend.

The boy that I had a crush on became the ring leader of torture, the king of what ruined my fucking life. They dragged up my weight insecurity that had been burried since I was 7 years old and made it my reality again. But not only that, They gave me a new insecurity as well. I was now afraid of boys, afraid of love, afraid of being myself and being real especially with someone I’m attracted to. It’s an insecurity that sticks with me to this day, an insecurity that made my high school experience unbearably difficult at times. 

This was the beginning of the end for me. I had friends that only cared about being popular and being good looking, meanwhile I was being bullied, harrassed on a daily basis for how I looked. It seemed like everyone around me only cared about what I looked like. So I decided that if that’s what everyone else cared most about, that’s what I had to care most about too. If that’s what everyone else wanted from me, then I was going to do it. If it meant people would start treating me like a human being, I was ready for anything.

So in 8th grade, I asked my mother to take me to a nutritionist. Which was fantastic, it was exactly what I should of done. But then I spiraled out of control.

I went to the nutritionist probably 3 times in 3 months. She helped me map out what I should/should not be eating and what I should be doing for excersize. I did everything she told me to do. But then I got angry because things weren’t changing fast enough. The abuse wasn’t stopping because I wasn’t getting any thinner. I wasn’t losing enough weight. So I lied to my mother and told her I didn’t want to go to the nutritionist anymore because I had it under control. 

This was when I started starving myself. This was also when I started to wear spanx every day of my life. 

If you don’t know what spanx are, it’s a brand of shapewear that helps suck everything in and make you look thinner. I had two pairs of spanx intended for use on the stomach area. I would wear them both, every single day. They would give me stomach aches, It was terribly uncomfortable. But in my brain, that’s what I had to do.

I asked my mom to pack me cheese and grapes for lunch and that’s it. I justified this request by saying that I wasn’t hungry at lunch because I ate breakfast and I would rather just have a snack at lunch and eat when I got home. This was a lie. I did not eat breakfast and more often than not, I did not eat when I got home. Some days I would eat the cheese and grapes but some days I would not because truthfully, I was scared to eat in front of the boys that tortured me and/or anyone that even remotely associated themselves with them. I was scared of what they would say about me. I always thought that people were looking at me saying, “Oh look! The fat girl’s eating again!”.

So whether or not I ate was completely subjective to how far away I was sitting from those boys. If I was in thier line of vision, I wouldn’t eat. If people were blocking them from seeing me, I would eat. That being said, cheese and grapes obviously isn’t a lot of food. I was constantly hungry but that’s what I told myself was necessary. If I felt hungry and wasn’t doing anything about it, It was a sure fire sign I was losing weight. And I was. I was finally losing weight at the speed I wanted to. But not in a healthy way. 

I continued like that all throughout 8th grade. Constantly starving myself and doing what I could to make myself look thinner. I met a boy that seemed to like me. I really liked him, he was really the first boy I ever had real, raw, honest feelings for. In my twisted mind, It seemed like things were looking up but I was only digging myself deeper. I hated myself. I truly and honestly hated every bit of myself. And no matter how much weight I lost or how many pairs of spanx I wore and no matter how many kind things this boy said to me– it didn’t change the fact that I thought I was disgusting and I could not stand being around myself. 

This boy found someone else over the summer. It was my first heartache. I blamed my weight. I went through some really rough months where all I could do was tear myself apart. Blaming my weight for this failure and for every failure. (Just as a sidenote: I don’t have bad blood with this boy. Looking back on it now, the reasons things didn’t work out were more complicated than my 8th grade/Freshman year mind could even comprehend. I don’t blame him for anything. I actually still think he’s a fantastic human being.)

I was stuck in this deadly mindset of never feeling good enough for anything or anyone. I spent night after night looking at myself in the mirror, tears running down my face, as I couldn’t help but just ask the world “Why?”.

WHY did I have to look like this? WHY couldn’t I be skinny? WHY couldn’t I look like every other fucking girl in my grade? WHY me? WHY WHY WHY?

I couldn’t understand why everyone hated me so much. I couldn’t understand what I did to deserve so much pain. 

Every once in a while (And I mean seriously every ONCE in a very long WHILE), I would look in the mirror, and think I looked pretty (Although very insecure about my stomach). But 99.9% of the time, I thought I was repulsive. But I suppose that’s just how it works… You aren’t born hating yourself. You’re taught to. I was taught to hate myself. By the friends I had, by the boys that bullied me, by the society around me. I was taught that fat was bad and because I was fat, I should hate myself. And so I did. 

Beginning of freshman year, I went to the doctors office for my yearly check up. I got on the scale and for the first time in my life, My doctor told me that I was a healthy weight and I should try to stay at the weight I was. I remember feeling my heart drop all the way to my toes. I looked back and forth between the doctor and my mother and said, “Um.. But I don’t think this is enough. I mean, How much more weight do I need to lose before I can wear a bikini?”. The doctor laughed. I don’t think she quite knew what to say to me. She then said, “Maddie, What are you talking about? You can wear a bikini now! Whenever you want!”. It was in that moment that I hit my lowest point to date. I realized that no matter how much weight I lost and no matter how I looked to everyone else– It did not change the fact that I saw nothing but a disgusting, worthless human being looking back at me in the mirror. It was never going to be enough. I was never going to be enough.

I began cutting myself off from almost everyone in my life. I lost almost all my friends from middle school (Actually, Looking back now, I only lost the toxic friends. All my true friends stayed even when I was pushing them away). I spent all of my time online, The only place I felt safe. I could dictate what I looked like. I could choose which parts of me people could see. I could paint my life like a picture and choose to show people the best parts. 

At this point in my life, The only positive things I had were Lady Gaga and my best friend, Destiny Thomas. Destiny was the only person I didn’t shut out, she was the only person that I felt truly understood me. I met Destiny through youtube. We would Skype and iChat every night. She and Gaga were my rocks. They still are to this day.

It was also at this time that I started to develop an eating disorder. I started to develop a binge eating disorder which in simple terms is basically just compulsive overeating to the point of discomfort. All I would do was eat and cry and eat and cry and eat and cry. I would eat until I was physically in pain. I couldn’t tell you why. Eating was the only thing that comforted me but at the same time it was the thing that hurt me the most. I wanted to hurt myself. Hurting myself was the equivalent of comfort. 

My freshman and sophomore years were complicated. They were dark. I didn’t really have a solid friend group. My life was very wishy washy. I continued to hate myself. I continued to look for something to bring light to the world around me. I didn’t really think that I would find something. I kind of thought that I would be forced to give up. 

But I found something, or someone(s) for that matter.

When I created my youtube account, xladygagafanxx (2010) and partylikemaddie (2011)… I started developing a new group of friends. Over the years of my self loathing and pain, I gained a following amongst my social media sites. It was these people that were to wake me up, it was these people that were to motivate me to get better. 

Like I said earlier, I would paint my life like a picture online. I made myself out to be this happy go lucky, bubbly, confident girl that I definitely was not. People would always message me things like, “How did you get to become so confident and happy?” and I would play it off like I actually was. Beacuse I wanted to be the confident youtube girl that inspired people and helped people. I wanted to be that girl so bad. 

So I followed a quote that Lady Gaga once said, “I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be - and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth.”

I thought that maybe if I pretended that I was happy, that maybe I would actually become happy.

Midway through sophomore year, I posted a video called “MY STORY: Confidence and Happiness”. It was a video in which I told a vague overview of what middle school had been like for me. My online life wasn’t a reflection of what was truly going on. I was only sharing the things I wanted to share. I concluded the video with some vague advice and some made up story about how I was actually happy at that point in my life. 

That video was made at the end of 2012. That video marked a very significant change in my life.

After I posted it, I got an overwhelming amount of support. I got hundreds of messages from people telling me how I had helped motivate them to be happier and more confident and how watching my videos over the years had just inspired them to become a better version of themselves.

I couldn’t believe the amount of positivity and love that was being sent my way. For one of the first times in my life, I felt like people actually liked me. I felt like I actually had a group, a solid group of people that I could belong to. I felt like I fit in. Something just felt right. I had a comfort zone. 

These people, who didn’t even know me in real life, loved me. They cared about me. And even though, they only knew 40% of who I was, the fact that they loved that 40% as much as they did, made me so happy. 

I remember thinking to myself… If I can help people become happy, when I’m not even happy with myself… Just imagine the impact I could make, if I actually was happy with myself.

It was within this new found comfort zone that I was able to gain the courage and bravery it took to start my recovery. I remember being in the car with my mom driving when I just burst out in tears and told her that I had an eating disorder. I told her I wanted to get better. This was probably around February of my Sophomore year. 

Sophomore year continued and junior year began. It was all just as difficult as it has always been. I still hated myself. I still felt very insecure every single day. I still thought that the fat on body made me less of a human being. I was still afraid of being myself around boys. I was still afraid of almost everything I had always been afraid of. Nothing had changed, except my mindset. 

The only thing that was different was that this time, I wanted to get better. I wanted to recover. I wanted to like myself. I wanted to feel comfortable existing wherever I was and whoever I was with.

Sophomore year was tough. Junior year was tougher. I really didn’t think I was making any progress. In March of junior year, I wrote a poem called Disgusting. I shared it on tumblr and immediately got responses from people telling me how much they could relate to it. It broke my heart. No one deserves to feel the way that I did about myself. I was able to look at other people and recognize that they deserved to feel wonderful but I was rarely able to look at myself and think that. 

About a month after I wrote Disgusting, I went to work and shared the poem with my boss during my break. She was moved. She was sad. She had watched me grow up, My boss is one of my best friends. I immediately dove into this long, interesting conversation with her about body image and the way I felt about myself. Mid way into us conversing about my mind and my life, a man named Gary walked through the doors. He listened in to the rest of the conversation and left me with a few brief words before I went out to teach my class. He gave me a short speech about gaining confidence but it was 5 words that he said, that really shook me to my core. 

“YOU are not your body”

Simple, right? I had heard the phrase before, but it had never resonated with me until that very moment. 

I was making impacts on people across the country through my youtube videos. I had landed a job as a choreographer my freshman year. I got the opportunity to impact kids and help them grow every day of my life. I was getting recognized for my ability to write poetry by an online magazine. 

I was adding so much positivity to the world… and my success as a human being was not connected to what I looked like… at all.

I was passionate. My body didn’t change that. I was dedicated. My body didn’t change that. I was opinionated. My body didn’t change that. I was smart. My body didn’t change that. I was driven, I was talented, I was loving, I was caring, I was a thousand different things and none of them connected to my body.

Because I, Maddie Dragsbaek, am so much more than just what I look like. In fact, my apperance has no connection to WHO I am or what I am capable to bringing into this world.

For the first time in my life, I recognized my potential. I felt limitless.

I pondered that conversation for the next two months. I also got really into watching youtube videos of plus sized women sharing their stories and strutting their stuff in bikinis. I was really inspired by people that didn’t let their weight hold them back from doing things. I ended up writing a poem called Darling, which I then combined with my older poem Disgusting in a video online called “You are not your body”. It blew up. I knew I had an audience of young boys and girls that were watching me and becoming inspired and empowered. They were looking to me to be the voice. So I decided to charge ahead.

In June of 2014, I posted a photograph on my instagram of me in my one piece bathing suit. THIS WAS A HUGE STEP FOR ME.

At the time, I still wasn’t 100% on what I looked like. But I had gotten closer. I was terrified to post that picture. I posted it because I wanted to reach out to the little girls that were like me. I posted it to help someone else, even though the sheer thought of someone seeing ME in a bathing suit made me cringe.

I posted it. I was scared but I posted it. And the amount of positive responses I recieved was simply overwhelming.

From there forward, I just kept taking baby steps.

I spent more time lifting myself up instead of tearing myself down. I spent some time talking to girls going through similar things that I did. I posted a few photographs of myself in my bathing suit over that summer. Baby steps, every single day.

And then one day, I was laying down in bed with just my bra and underwear on and I started to study my stomach. The one thing that previously would have made me feel like an absolute monster. But this time it didn’t. And it was the absolute strangest feeling in the entire world.

For the first time in my life, I thought to myself, “This chub is kinda cute when you think of it. I don’t really understand what’s so evil about this chub. Why do people hate it so much”.

Simple thoughts really. But then I started to think about it more, and honestly… it just didn’t make any sense to me. WHY is being fat such a big deal? WHY is fat an insult?

Over the course of my senior year, I pondered those same thoughts and continued to speak with girls that have went through similar things as myself. My viewers and supporters continued to shower me with love, so much of it that I eventually started to feel that love too. I spent a lot of time with myself, learning and forming opinions. Getting to know who I really was and who I wanted to be and most importantly, figuring out how I wanted to be treated and how I wanted to treat myself.

Fat is not an insult. Skinny is not a compliment. They’re descriptive words like blonde or brunette and they shouldn’t evoke emotion. I mean, if someone ran up to you and said, “HAHA YOU’RE BRUNETTE”.. I’d be like the fuck? This some incredible discovery or some shit?

I was fat and I was beautiful. And that was that. Nothing that anyone said was going to change that.

I became my biggest supporter. I became the voice that I needed to hear when I was growing up. And in february of 2015, I bought my first bikini. The final step in becoming the person I always wanted to be. Which seems silly, right? I mean how can a bikini change you THAT much? But it did.

Because for the first time in my life, I felt beautifully big. I felt confident and comfortable in a bikni. I was recognizing that the size of my body could not limit me from wearing what I wanted to wear and doing what I wanted to do. I was understanding things that previously were foreign concepts. My life was changing right before my eyes.

I went on a cruise and went out in public wearing a bikini for the very first time and let me tell you, it was undeniably the best feeling in the entire world. I loved myself and I loved my body and no one was going to tell me different. I had grown up in an unfair world. One that denied me the right to be who I was and love that person unconditionally… But that’s not the world I wanted to live in anymore. 

I fought back. I used my voice. And I continue using it and posting about body positivity online in order to inspire girls going through the same things I did. I am the person my middle school self needed, I am the person my middle school self wanted to be. 

So finally, at age 18 and a high school graduate, I can officially and honestly say that I am 100% happy with how I look like. I don’t have any body insecurities and I hope that it stays this way. I can also honestly say that I am the happiest that I have ever been. My mindset has been completely changed and I have become a much more positive person.

I don’t feel the need to paint my life like a picture anymore because the life I live is the life I want to be living. And let me tell you, It feels so good to say that.

So if you’re having trouble with the way you look, no matter what the specifics of it may be- Give yourself time and take baby steps. Spend time with yourself, Surround yourself with good people and with people who inspire you to become better. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Be the person you needed when you were at your lowest point. 

You are beautiful and you are lovely and you are capable of changing the god damn world. Don’t you ever let a number convince you otherwise. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here and always will be. I’m your number one fan, always will be. And as I was taught by my second mom and the woman who has made me into who I am today (Lady Gaga, my love), Sometimes you only need one person to believe in you.

Much Love,

Maddie Dragsbaek

Hello Sweet Cheeks

Word Count: 1095

A/M: I’m gonna take my hand at writing an AU enemies to lovers idea. And this one has “bad boy” harry, so. Some swearing but nothing too bad. Also I meant to post this Friday but oh well.
Oh and WHAT IS THAT GIF CAUSE I STUMBLED UPON IT AND IVE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE AND OHMYGOD. 

Part 2

——

You walked into class with your best friend and went to take your usual seats.

However this time you were stopped in your tracks as you looked over at your usual spots seeing the same dickhead that got under your skin at the mere mention of his name.

“What are you doing here? You know this is our spot. We sit here every class.”

He leaned back in the chair, kicking his feet up onto the desk, “You weren’t here and your name’s not on it.” He said simply, a cocky smile spread widely across his lips.

You felt your jaw clench and your hand go into a fist, but you felt your friend bring you back advising that you both go to your second favourite spot.

You continued to watch him as you walked away, the both of you keeping eye contact as he sat there proudly having won- as you felt more annoyed and angry with every step.

“I don’t know why you hate him so much.” Your friend said as you both took your seats.

You gave them a look, “Seriously? The guy is just so annoying. He makes fun of me all the time. You know one time when we were 7 he stuck gum in my hair. It was tangled in there so bad we had to cut it out. Then another time he spread that stupid rumor about me that I peed my pants at lunch when we were 10, I spilled my apple juice! And he always has that stupid cocky smirk on his face, and his douchey hairstyle, and acts as if he owns the place. Who does he think he is?!”

“Okay, but it’s been years since he did most of those things [Y/N]. People change. We were all stupid 7 and 10 year olds once.”

“Fuck that. Who’s side are you on anyway?”

“I’m not on anyone’s side [Y/N]. I’m just saying… he might’ve been a stupid kid. But we were all stupid kids and I think he actually likes you.”

You laughed loudly, almost choking on the air at their statement, “Please, I know you’re funny. That may be the best joke you’ve ever told me.”

They just rolled their eyes and you both watched as the teacher came in and got ready.

Your gaze had turned naturally to him as he quickly put his feet back on the ground and sat properly to not get in trouble.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed, looking through his little act.

“I think you like him too.” You heard your friend whisper.

“WHAT?!” you didn’t mean to say it that loudly but you caught the attention of the entire class; including your easily annoyed teacher.

“Do you mind? But unless you have something educational to say don’t interrupt my class.”

You felt embarrassed and gave an apology but caught sight of him as you met eyes again and watched him give that same stupid smirk that annoyed you to the very core.

“I hate him.”

Keep reading

Inked (Tattoo artist Michael au): Chapter 2

Other chapters

Michaels P.O.V

I didn’t even realize I was zoning out until Calums voice rang through my ears. I was thinking about her. Y/n, all I could think about from the moment she stepped into the shop was her. Her inviting smile, her nervous laugh, her soft plush skin. God what I would have done to feel her touch without those gloves on. What I would do to see her laugh outside of the parlor. I am so fucked, I’ve fallen for some girl I barley know and I have no fucking idea what to do about it.

“Thinking about your girlfriend?” Calum laughed, as we sat in the living room of my apartment, it was early afternoon and we were recovering from a long and busy night shift at the shop.

“She’s not my fucking girlfriend, she’s just a girl” I retorted.

“Well you thought of her as soon as I mentioned a girlfriend so you know it makes a guy wonder”

“We’ve just been talking, alright” I snapped “she’s busy with school and work and…” I trailed off

“Have you even bothered to ask? Or are you just assuming?”

“Listen man, I have a reason for not asking her out somewhere okay? We can’t all be fucking ripped and charming”

“What are you talking about man?”

Calum was like a brother to me. We’d been friends since we were 7 years old, and had been with me through thick and thin. But he was completely oblivious to the fact that he was extremely lucky; he was attractive, fit and always knew what to say to women. I however wasn’t that lucky. I never knew what to say, to anyone, and wasn’t exactly the most attractive guy out there.

“All I’m saying is that take a good look at me, then look at her. Guys like me don’t end up with girls like her.”

Our conversation was interrupted by my phone ringing, glancing down to see who was calling I saw her name flash across the screen.

“you were saying?”

“doesn’t mean a thing” I snapped, picking up the phone and walking into my bedroom.

“Hey y/n, how are you”

“Hey Michael, I’m great how are you?”

God she sounded so nice on the phone, is it possible to love someone’s voice? Because I was certain I loved her voice.

“Michael? Are you there” she questioned, her voice snapping me out of my trance.

“yeah I’m sorry, I’m great”, great now that I’m talking to you I thought to myself.

“Listen Michael, my modern literature professor is sick, so my class tomorrow is canceled, and I don’t have work so I’m pretty much free all afternoon and evening, so I was wondering if you’d like to maybe hang out? If you’re free?” her voice was littered with nerves.

I was taken back. I don’t think anyone has ever been so kind and interested in me before, I was somewhat reluctant, however, I didn’t think I’ve ever met anyone as amazing as her before, and I didn’t know why she was so interested in me.

“yeah sure, I get off at 6 so maybe we can get dinner at around 7? I can pick you up if you want? Or we can meet up somewhere?” man that sounded so dumb why did I have to be so bad at this.

“yeah that sounds great! I can text you my address later tonight? I’m just about to leave for work”

“of course yeah, have fun at work”

“thanks Michael! See you soon bye!” she stated before hanging up. I mentally slapped myself, ‘have fun at work’, what the hell she literally works in retail who has fun working in retail.

I walked back out to where Calum was sitting, he was scrolling on his phone munching on a slice of pizza.

“so?”

“she-um-she asked me out? We’re going out for dinner tomorrow”

“See I fucking told you! So where are you taking her?”

“I-uh I don’t know? She asked me out so I think she was thinking of a place?”

“Alright, well I’m happy for you man, you deserve this”

I slumped down into my couch, it felt like a huge load was lifted off my shoulders. I had a date with an amazing girl, and it had me thinking maybe I’m not as bad as I thought.

~~~the next day~~~

Y/N’s P.O.V

The next day came sooner than expected, and I was ecstatic. I really like Michael and I was hoping, with every fiber of my being, that he felt the same way. The clock read 6:30 and I was putting the finishing touches on my makeup and outfit. I settled on a black t-shirt dress, black nylons, topped with a gray sweater, a small leather purse and a pair of flats. I paced around my apartment, nervous.

I had never been nervous for a date before. What if he didn’t show? What if he wasn’t that into me? The what ifs flooded through my mind filling it with doubt. I was hoping that he liked me as much as I was starting to like him.

A loud buzz took me out of my thoughts, it was Michael waiting for me to let him in my complex. I pressed the small button on the intercom and heard his deep voice ring through.

“hey y/n, sorry I’m early I got off early and just thought-“

“its fine don’t worry!” I interrupted “come on up”

I let out a deep breath. “okay y/n its just a date. You’ve been on tons of dates its going to go well” I kept telling myself.

Minutes later a knock on my door signaled his arrival. I swung open my door and took in his appearance. He was wearing black skinny jeans, and a dark green flannel with the sleeves rolled up. His disheveled hair was combed and slightly neater, and he had the kindest smile on his face, that made his green eyes sparkle.

“You look really nice” he breathed out

“thank you” I smiled “you do as well.”

He smiled softly back at me, running his hands through his neat hair, returning it to the messy state it was in when we first met. The silence between us was short and comfortable, before he started speaking once more.

“did you want to get going?”

“yeah for sure” I pushed out the door and locked it, now standing only a few feet from him I could fully take him in. The way he had dark stubble that littered his jaw and neck, and how he smelled like sandalwood and mint. I glanced up at him and smiled softly again. I liked that he could make me smile without doing anything.

I offered him my hand as we walked down the corridor to the elevators. His was slightly sweaty but I didn’t mind in the slightest. As we made our way to his car we were again met by another comfortable silence.

“So I was thinking we could go to this little restaurant by the lakeshore then maybe check out this old record shop by the board walk?” I broke our silence

“That sounds great y/n” he answered, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. “I was just thinking dinner and a movie but your idea sounds way better. Just tell me how to get there”

The lake was only a twenty-minute ride away from my building, and our drive was filled with music and light conversation. He told me about a customer who wanted a picture of his pet parrot on his thigh, and about the new music his band was working on. I went into detail on the horrors of working in retail, and about my nutcase professor from first semester.

We pulled up to the small lake side restaurant, and made our way inside. After you found your seats you began your conversation again.

“Before you say anything I know the decor was the tackiest thing you’ve ever lay your eyes on, but trust me the food here is amazing.”

“Good because if the food is as good as the owners taste in wallpaper, I’d leave this place immediately” he joked

“and leave me here alone” I teased

“I guess I could stomach bad food and wallpaper if I could spend time with you” he flirted

Dinner went smoothly, the conversation never died down. We talked about everything from school, to work to hobbies and everything in-between. Everything felt so natural with him. He was charming without trying and made me feel so comfortable. After we ate, we took a walk down the boardwalk to the record shop. As we browsed around we kept talking and laughing.

After what seemed like hours of looking around, we got back into his car, and he drove me home.

“I had a really nice time tonight y/n” he shyly said, rubbing the back of his neck. I noticed he did that when he was nervous.

“I did too Michael. I’m really glad we did this. I’m really glad I met you” I smiled

“me too, you’re probably one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, with great taste in tattoos” he laughed “sorry that was creepy”

“not creepy” I smiled back at him “and I have good taste in tattoo artists as well”

He laughed lightly and looked at me with those green eyes, those soft beautiful green eyes, I could almost melt.

“y/n…can I um…can I” he trailed off

“can you”” I questioned softly, although I had a feeling of what he wanted to ask.

I heard him softly whisper ‘just 10 seconds of courage, 10 seconds of unthinkable courage’

“Michael? Is everything okay?”

“Can I kiss you” he rushed out

All I could get out was a nod, before I felt his warm hand touch my jaw and pull me closer to him. His other arm wrapped around my waist. He leaned in slightly, as our foreheads touched, he brushed his nose slightly against mine. I closed the small space between us, moving my lips closer to brush against his, as he moved his closer to finish my action.

His lips were warm and wet as they pressed against mine, I felt sparks shot throughout my entire body. His grip tightened around my waist as he deepened the kiss. His tongue gently swiped over my bottom lip, and I gave him access. His tongue moved in sync with mine, and the feeling of his plump lips against mine were driving me insane. After a few minutes we pulled away, and glanced at each other.

“wow” he exhaled

“wow” I copied

“that was um” he began

“yeah” I finished

we stood for a few moments, not wanting to move.

“well Michael I-um have class in the morning so I should-“I began

“yeah right sorry” he said moving his arm from my waist to his side.“I had such a good time tonight, and we should do it again soon”

“yeah I’d like that” I smiled, before unlocking the door and stepping in. I leaned up against the door frame, as I waved goodbye to him.

“goodnight y/n” he smiled

“Come here for a second?”

he responded to my request and took a step towards me, as I gave him a light peck on the lips.

“goodnight Michael” I smirked before shutting the door.

After it clicked shut I slid down it and pulled my knees to my chest, not able to get the smile off my face. I couldn’t wait until I got to see him again.

Little did i know he was thinking the same thing.
To My Fellow Zekis

I wanted to just give my opinion on the use of aishiteru, aisuru, and daisuki na that was used in VK.

First off the one and only time aishiteru was used from one person’s mouth to the other person was Kaname saying it to Yuuki.

Ren relays a message from his mother to Kaname at the end of chapter 93 which uses aisuru which has the meaning of  to love; to care for; to have an affection. This word nor aishiteru never comes from Yuuki to Kaname directly ever throughout the manga or extra chapters.

Next we have Zero tell Yuuki with her standing right beside him that he knows she loves him and he uses aishiteru. She smiles her tender smile to confirm this. Zero does say that she loves that man and her child with that man but clearly Zero is not speaking romantically about Kaname or her child as he would not have included Yuuki’s daughter, Ai, in what he said. Since a mother would never love her child romantically and I doubt that most men would be speaking about someone they are in love with also being in love with another man. It’s just common sense.

Yuuki used daisuki in the first half of the manga towards Kaname. She never again uses it after she leaves the academy. She uses words like desire to feed from his throat and devour and just consume everything you desire. This in my opinion has nothing to do with love but everything to do with the twisted love/seed of desire that was explained to us in the 3rd extra chapter.

That twisted love/ seed of desire that is an unhealthy love not a real love.

Next the two death scenes are very different. With Kaname Yuuki feels as if she couldn’t do anything to help save him. She feels responsible for his situation and wishes she was never born. She does not hug him and hold on for dear life nor does she kiss him or call him anything other than Kaname.

With Zero Yuuki clings to him and holds on for dear life. She looks directly into his eyes and they share a tender kiss. Their kiss is so full of genuine love that the reader can feel it. She then calls him ‘My Beloved’ or ‘My Love’ whichever you prefer because daisuki na can mean either one from what I have found out. At no time other than this time has Yuuki referred to anyone other than Zero as her love/beloved out of her own mouth to that person directly. 

From my experience when you say My Love or My Beloved it has very strong meaning. That means he is HER LOVE/ HER BELOVED. 

So it’s really quite obvious that Yuuki and Zero had the kind of love that was able to sustain them for almost one thousand years. Think about that. Most couples who do stay together have about 40 to 50 years. Yuuki and Zero had so very much more. If that isn’t true love than I don’t know what is!

Keep reading

Poké Boy

Genre: Fluff :3

Summary; Phil proposes to Dan with presents, air horns, pokemon, music and funny jokes. Three days of romance leading up to the big moment where Phil finally gets on one knee to ask Dan to marry him.

Word Count: 3220

I was really in need of a way to propose to Dan and I was literally lost on how to do it. We had been together 7 years and you could tell how much he wanted to get married, and I really wanted to as well. The only problem was as creative as I am I’m the least romantic man in the entire world and I needed to step up my game before this weekend. This weekend will be me and Dan’s 7th year together and it’s time I commit further and ask the love of my life to marry me. But I still had the issue of how I was going to go about asking him. I like to pride myself as talented, funny, creative, maybe a little sappy at times but romantic? Oh my god no. My idea of a date is pizza and a movie and Dan expects fancy dinners and candles and I just really want, no I need for this proposal to be romantic. But since I’m proposing, it has to be creative as well. I’ve been thinking about how to do it because lately Dan ha been dropping hints about marriage.

~One Week Ago~

“Hey Phil! Did you hear that my aunt is engaged?” He said softly, me looking up from my phone and looking into his eyes with a limp and careless shrug, initially thinking nothing of it.

“Oh cool.” I replied and went back to the game I had been playing on my phone. He seemed to deflate a bit at my lack of interest but tried hiding it with more low key hints.

“Yeah. He took her ring shopping last week, they had a whole collection at that shop for gay couples you know. It was super cool, they even make custom ones for extra money.” He continued as if gay couples getting married was the most casual topic in the world.

“Oh isn’t that neat.” I replied, still not picking up on the hints. He seemed disappointed and yet I still didn’t take notice. I am the thickest bastard on the earth to not have noticed Dan’s clear anger with me.

“Yeah. And the shop is in London, down the road from here only a few miles. They’re know to engrave rings with whatever you choose as well.” He said and whistled softly as he shut his laptop and rested his hands on his thighs, smiling at me with mock sincerity. “But I guess it’s a little silly to bring this up.” He shrugged and stood up, kissing me gently before leaving the room. I still hadn’t gotten the hint.

~3 Days Ago~

“Phil, babe!” Dan said and sat up on the kitchen counter, swinging his legs gently like a child while I cooked a meal for lunch. “The shop down the street had some things just go on sale its really inexpensive now. Isn’t that neat?” He said and I nodded, still really not thinking much of it. He huffed in annoyance and spoke again.

“They’re selling these really cool black diamond rings, they look very Dan Howell style.” He said.

“You do love black.” I giggled and still somehow didn’t realize he had been dropping hints until he plopped off the counter and sighed sadly.

“I guess we aren’t ready for marriage anyways.” I heard him mumble sadly, walking out of the kitchen and slamming his bedroom door like an upset teen. I could hear him blasting Kanye West and K-pop, but I also heard muffled cries.

  My heart broke slightly when I finally started putting the pieces together. Dan wanted to get married, and in all honesty so did I. I had just never realized how much I wanted too until that day. 

~Present Day~

So I arranged everything for the proposal. I had a very intricate and carefully planned out idea, it involved a lot of favors from friends and spare money from around the house. I had to scratch up every bit of cash I could in order to pay for everything I had planned. I spent about 6 hours writing things on the back of Pokémon cards, ordering things and going to a shop and talking with a jeweler about rings. Apparently there are hundreds and thousands of different styles of rings. Who the hell knew. I certainly didn’t that’s for sure. I decided on Friday morning is when I would put my plan into action. 

FRIDAY 7:12 AM

I woke Dan up bright and early, He always got grumpy and pouty when woken up too early, he hated getting up early when he didn’t have any plans for the day. It was his thing, he hated not having reason for getting up. Unless he had something to do that man would sleep until noon and honestly it was kind of cute. I rolled him onto his back, sitting on his stomach and singing loudly to wake him up. His eyes shot open when he heard me shouting lyrics from the movie ‘Annie’. He groaned loudly and tried to roll over, but I moved and pinned his wrists up, pushing my weight onto him and singing loudly right into his left ear canal. Needless to say, he was all but amused. 

“Phil what the helllllllll!” he groaned and sat up, me falling back and sitting in front of him with a big and goofy grin.

“Dan I have some plans for today so get off your ass and get dressed. Wear something nice my love.” I said and rolled to the side, attempting to look cool but really just failing and flinging myself up awkwardly.

“Ugh Phil it’s only-.” He checked his phone and winced at the bright screen. Phil it’s fucking 7:17.” He groaned and pulled a pillow over his face, huffing and sitting up, throwing the pillow at me tiredly before standing up. He moved to his dresser and pulled on his only pair of jeans. He claimed to own 4 pairs of the same ones but no, he only had one pair. You could tell by looking at the week old salsa stains on them. He really hated laundry.

“This day will be worth it Danny!” I grinned excitedly and kissed him. He pushed me away playfully, pushing his hair up out of his face and pulling on a shirt with a low and sleepy, groggy and husky laugh.

“It better be, Phil.” He giggled softly, his voice hoarse with sleep.

“It will be! Get dressed do your hair, get prettied up or something!” I giggled excitedly, already fully dressed myself. This whole weekend was going to be the best one of his life.

“Ugh I’ll wear a hat I’m too tired to straighten my hair because I’m guessing you want to leave right this second.” He laughed softly. I nodded and he pulled on his socks, two black and completely different sized ones.

So I drug him out of the house, pulling him down the stair with excitement and giggling each step of the way. As we got right outside the building for our flat, I reached in my pocket and handed him a box. He opened it and laughed softly. Inside said box was one single card that said, “In the game of my life I’m player one.’ He didn’t understand what it meant but soon enough he would. I dragged him down the pavement and up the road, giggling with excitement. I had him com with me to Starbucks. He sat down while I ordered the drinks and I told the guy to tape his next note on his cup. I walked over and handed Dan his cup, watching him read the note. It read ‘playing with one is great but…’ He looked at me and shrugged, drinking his drink. I made sure to keep him at Starbucks, watching anime on our phones and talking and giggling for about 2 and a half hours until I said we had to go. 

Next I made him go with me to an ice cream shop. He stood with me this time, but I carefully slid the lady another note for Dan that she seemed to know what to do with since she taped it to Dan’s ice cream cup. Dan grabbed his cup from the lady after I had paid and read the note. It said ‘But sometimes I get lonely.’ He read and giggled softly at me, eating his ice cream and speaking to me. 

“Why are we out all day? We never go out.” He giggled.

“Well, I figured we needed some son light. You do know that your inner thighs are the same color as your arms and face right?” I giggled back and poked his squishy dimple. He blushed and slapped my hand down gently.

“Hey, I don’t tan well. I wind up looking like a ghetto ass Mexican when I tan!” he said in defense with a grin. I put my hands up in faux defeat, smiling widely at him with my tongue poking out the corner of my mouth.

“I’ve seen how you tan. It’s not pretty, but you’re gorgeous with or without.” I smiled. I said that last sentence in a bit of a lower tone in fear of a fan possibly being around, but mostly ignoring that fear because dammit I wanted to compliment my boyfriend.

“I’m not gorgeous I’m a literal potato.” He laughed and put up two peace signs with a grin. “Kawaii potatoooooo!” he said and cheekily winked at me and I snorted with laughter, shoving a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth to try and cover my loud cackles.

“I think the best part is that you’re my potato and I get to eat you whenever I want.” I winked at him back and he turned pink, throwing the plastic from his spoon at me, the wind blowing it completely away from me.

“Literally do not talk about eating my ass while I’m trying to digest coffee and vanilla frozen yogurt I will incinerate you with my toes.” He threatened playfully and giggled childishly, reaching over and taking my ice cream and taking a spoonful. “Yours is better tasting than mine.” He said and casually switched our ice cream cups, eating mine instead. I laughed softly and shrugged, deciding it best to just go with it and eat his instead.

After that we went down to the park. There were some children there possibly on a class field trip, but me and Dan paid no mind. 

Honestly we looked like two weirdos there since we were grown ass men at a park while 7 to 10 year olds frolicked around and played. We mostly ignored them, sitting on the swing sets and starting to swing at the same time. On his phone he played music, but it wasn’t obscene or anything after all there were children around us playing. We talked as we swung on the swings, giggling about whatever before a small boy walked over and started swinging next to us. He actually talked to us too, but he wasn’t even scared or frightened about talking with two grown men.

“Are you two a couple?” The kid asked us and looked at us. The kid looked about 6, with long hair and boy clothes and a male voice. I couldn’t exactly tell this kid’s gender.

“Yeah we are.” Dan answered and I looked at him mildly panicked but he didn’t seem upset.

“I have two daddies’.” the kid said casually and swung at the same pace as us. “Mark and James. They’re like you two. Both boys.” Dan giggled at that.

“That’s really cool.” He said. “How old are you?” Dan asked.

“I’m 7 and my name is Mickey.” The kid said, flashing a toothy grin at us. The kid’s front two teeth were missing at the top. “And My daddies are cooler than you.” Dan laughed loudly and smiled at me. Before either of us could talk the kid spoke again. “Have you ever looked up? At the sky and junk? Daddy says that whenever you do an’ you miss someone lots, the star’s shine even more. I think it’s true. ‘Cause when you miss someone, they become old stars in your head.” This kid was getting deep on us and they were only 7 years old. Soon they stood up and walked away, not another word to us and we laughed softly.

“Mickey is the kind of kid I want us to have someday.” I said to Dan.

“What do you mean?” Dan asked, looking over at me and smiling softly, letting his dimple display.

“Deep and thoughtful about the world, like you. But goofy and playful and open about things like me. That’s the type of kid I want us to have.” I said and Dan smiled wider and nodded softly. “When we have kids, I’ll make sure to look in the Mickey Department.” He giggled and I giggled along with him.

After a few hours at the park we went home. Honestly it was a good day and I still had 2 more days to make it the best weekend ever for Dan. Next day I woke him up really early again. At the exact same time but with a new tactic. I rolled out of bed slowly, and I moved to the kitchen to get the hair horn. I crept back into our room, and honked the air horn 17 times on loop while singing ‘wake up Daniel-chaaaaaaan!’ on loop. He instantly shot out of bed, rolling over on the floor and hitting his ass on the floor. He looked at me with an upset death glare and pulled the blanket off the bed, rolling on the floor and hiding his head and groaning.

“Phil I’m so fucking tired!” he whined and wiggled around in the blankets for a bit before rolling out of his blanket cocoon and standing up, falling backwards on the bed. “What are we doing today?” He whined.

“We have to go down to this shop down the street Dan!!” I said quickly and tackled him, kissing his face and poking his neck in a triangular shape. “So wakey wakey eggs and bacey because I got you a present and we need to go and pick it up!!!!”

“Ugh what could you have possibly gotten me that is worth getting up this damn early?” He groaned and sat up, letting me fall back and stand up shakily and quickly like a new born giraffe.

“Trust me!!” I laughed and pulled him by the wrists, making him stand up and standing on my toes to kiss him. “Get dressed and let’s go!!” I laughed. He laughed softly and nodded, standing up and getting himself dressed. Once again he didn’t do his hair. I dragged him down the stairs of our building and to the shop, pushing him to the back. I giggled and told the man in the back his number, taking the white box and paying before giving it to Dan.

“Open it.” I said and he laughed quietly, opening the box and looking at me. Inside was a black hoodie with flower and space designs covering the sleeves and back, along with song quotes sown in my own hand writing for extra authenticity. I figured for this, I’d go with the internet’s plant boy me and space boy Dan theme because it’s actually fitting and really, really cute. He looked at it and smiled, tracing his hands over the purple and blue and black flowers that were vined along the coat to look like stars in space. He pulled it out of the box and started reading the quotes on the back. He let a few tears slide down his face as he read over all the quotes, saying them out loud to me. “’I’d give you my heart and I’d let you just hold it, I’d give you my soul but I already sold it.’ ‘7 billion 47 million on this people and some of us have the audacity to think that they matter’ ‘I thought I was an atheist until I realized I’m a god’ ‘I’d give it all just to have, have your eternity. ‘Cause it’s all that assures me, it’s worth all that hurts me.’.” He read out loud, tears slipping down his cheeks. He stopped reading and hugged me tightly. I hugged back.

“Those were all quotes that I have from songs I like that remind me of you.” I explained and kissed his nose. He was crying, hugging me tightly and shaking softly.

“You’re the least romantic asshole I have ever met.” He cried. “How did you come up with this?”

“I came up with it because I love music and I love you. The rest was inspired from Tumblr.” I explained. He pulled away and wiped his eyes, crying softly.

“Phil I love it so so so so much.” He said and choked back a cry. “You’re never so touchey feely and romantic.”

“Well, I thought you deserved me to be for a change.” I said and kissed him gently.

Next day I got him up early again at the same time as the last two mornings. It was now Sunday and the day I was going to actually propose to him. I got him up a little less rudely this time. I wasted no time getting to the point. At 7:12 am I woke him up with a candle in one hand and a hand behind my back, holding the box. I didn’t want to drag this out, I wanted him to know first thing when he woke up that he would never wake up without being engaged again. He sat up as he saw me. I wasn’t in anything fancy, black jeans and a flannel that I wore on laundry days. I slowly got on one knee, looking at him and smiling. 

“Daniel James Howell. The last 7 years with you have been literally perfect. And the last two days and now, took every bit of intelligence and creativity I have to figure out how to do this.” I said, pulling the obx out from behind me and opening it up. Inside were two engagement rings, each personalized. On top of them was a card that read, ‘will you be my player two?’. I looked at him, his eyes welling with tears. “Will You marry me Dan?” I asked and he nodded quickly, tears falling quickly again and crying softly.

“Yes. Oh my god Phil yes!” he cried. I stood up and hugged him tightly, handing him his ring. Inside his said Lock and mine said Key. Because he’s the lock, the thing that hides me from my eternity. And I was the key that opened up my future, my future with him. He put it on and cried happily, hugging me tightly and crying. I’m not sure if I proposed the best way ever, but I did it perfectly for me and Dan. And in reality, I think that’s what matters. It was perfect for us, and everyone else doesn’t need to be in our forever if they choose so. Our eternity is within each other, so anyone who doesn’t want to be involved doesn’t matter.

Preference #7: You’re Babysitting With Him and Someone Thinks You’re A Family

A/N: These were all kind of the same so I don’t know if they were bad or not but I hope you like it!

Michael:
You were spending the day with Michael at the zoo while babysitting a friend’s 5 year old daughter, Rosie. She was ecstatic as she ran ahead of you two each time to go look at the animals. At one point, you excused yourself to go buy some ice cream for yourselves and left Michael alone with Rosie. After you paid and waited for your ice cream, you looked over at them to see Michael hoisting Rosie up to his shoulders so she could get a better look of the giraffes. You also noticed many other girls around them that kept casting glances at the two, more specifically Michael, and this had been happening more often than not throughout the day. He noticed this too and you couldn’t help but laugh on your way back just as two girls walked up to you three. “Your daughter is so cute,” one girl gushed to you two. “You make such a cute family.”
“Oh, uh,” you were about to correct them but Michael let it slide by saying “Thank you.” When they were gone, you turned back to him and said with a roll of your eyes, “No wonder you were so keen to look after Rosie. You enjoy the attention these girls keep giving you, don’t you?”
He chuckled and was shaking his head as he let Rosie back down.
“No way. I am a taken man after all,” He slid his arms around your waist as you kept your eyes on Rosie who was watching the giraffes and eating her ice cream. “And apparently married now with a child.”
You couldn’t help but laugh and looked back up at Michael.
“And, I’ll admit, Rosie makes me wonder what it would be like if maybe… we had a kid one day,” he said, trailing off slightly and looking away. You couldn’t help but smile as you reached up to kiss him. “Yeah, we would make a cute family, wouldn’t we?”

Ashton:  You were at the beach with your friend’s 7 year old son, Jessie, and your boyfriend, Ashton (who you dragged along with you to help babysit). Jessie was building a sandcastle with the help of you and Ashton and when it was finished, Jessie wanted to take a picture with it to show his parents later on. You gave Ashton the camera to take a picture of you and Jessie sitting in the sand behind the castle when a lady lounging on towels with her husband a few feet beside you asked, “Would you like me to take a picture of all three of you together?”
“Yes, please. Thank you,” You said, and Ashton nodded in agreement. He joined you and Jessie by the castle as the lady took the picture and when it was done, she said, “Oh, what a lovely picture of your family.”
“Family?” you repeated, confused at first, but it eventually hit you. “Oh, no, we’re not a family.”
“Really?” The woman looked slightly surprised. “Sorry about that. But you do look like you’ll make great parents one day.”
You and Ashton looked at each other and smiled before saying thank you to the lady. When she was gone, and Jessie was busying himself with building another sand castle, Ashton sat down beside you.
“Did you hear that? We’ll make great parents,” he said with a little smile. You smiled in return and leaned your head against his shoulder, “Yeah, I think we will, too. But don’t go getting any ideas about having kids any time soon.”
He shook his head and laughed, “No, I know. But it does sound nice.” You couldn’t help but nod in agreement. A family with Ashton definitely did sound nice.

Calum: You were babysitting your friend’s 5 month old son, Henry, with your boyfriend, when you suggested going out for a walk to enjoy the day. You ended up at a nearby park and after walking around a bit, you and Calum stopped to rest on a bench. You took Henry out of the stroller and hugged him close to your chest while you leaned against Calum who had his arm around your shoulders.
“Ooh, he’s so precious!” You heard an elderly woman say in front of you. “How old is he?”
“Five months,” you informed, smiling down at Henry and running your finger softly along his cheek.
“They’re just bundles of joy, aren’t they?” the lady cooed, and then went on to say, “You were blessed with such a beautiful family, dear.”
“Thank you,” you smiled warmly. She returned the smile and then she walked off, leaving the three of you alone.
“A family?” Calum inquired immediately after she was gone. You looked up at him and shrugged, “I didn’t have the heart to say we weren’t.”
He chuckled lightly, reaching down to hold onto Henry’s small hands and his pudgy tiny fingers wrapped around Calum’s thumb. “That’s okay. Neither did I but I’m fine with that idea.”
“What idea?” you questioned, looking up at him. “Of us being a family,” he said simply and you couldn’t help but smile hugely.

Luke: “Luke, what’s it like being that tall?” Charlotte, your friend’s 6 year old daughter that you were babysitting, asked your boyfriend. You had to babysit and you decided to hang out with Luke as well as you all walked around a nearby park.
You looked down at her and then up at your boyfriend and the very considerable height difference even though she was still only six (but you doubted she’d ever surpass his height since you didn’t and practically everyone else didn’t).
“Do you want to see what it’s like?” Luke asked and Charlotte nodded uneasily, her ponytail bobbing slightly. Luke bent down and gestured for Charlotte to hop onto his back. She did so and as soon as Luke got a secure hold on her and stood up, she squealed. “Whoa! This is so high up! I can see everything!“
You and Luke chuckled at Charlotte as she looked around with the new perspective. You smiled warmly, sliding your hand into his and twining your fingers together. The three of you walked with Charlotte pointing out things in the sky as if being a few feet higher in the air changed everything. While you walked, you passed by another couple sitting on a bench. You and Luke couldn’t help but hear the girl say, “Aw! Look at them! They’re such an adorable family!”
You were both aware that they were talking about you three and you looked up at Luke to see him grinning. “So we’re a family now, huh?”
“Apparently,” he mused, though he liked the way that sounded. While holding onto Charlotte with one hand, he leaned down to kiss your lips delicately and you smiled.