we need elves


My elf, Rhaenir, and my best friend’s half-orc, for a writing project I’m determined to lure her into. Don’t be fooled by Rhaenir’s sad pouting expression; he’s ornery and difficult.

Your Other Pillock Boyfriend

One-shot. 1,152 words.

James writes to Lily to explain a few things.


Morning  Afternoon Evans,

Mum thinks I’m a pillock, and Dad reckons I’ve been hit with too many Bludgers. They’re not wrong, but I need to explain why we weren’t at the house after you returned from taking Mary and Breda home.

If you recall, before you left, we were dangerously low on the Drink-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named-But-Starts-With-F-And-Rhymes-With-Episkey. 

(Never fear that your boyfriend’s lost his wit. Marauder’s honor, I’ll fabricate a better name when my brain function returns.)

Anyway, you, fantastic girlfriend extraordinaire, promised to return with reinforcements. Great. Fantastic. Except the Traitor Git (Pettigrew) drank the last bit before we could do another Refilling Charm.

(You’re laughing, so I’ll say it: I’m not convinced we could’ve pulled off a Refilling Charm, either. But we’ll never know, will we, ’cause Peter drank away our only opportunity to attempt it.)

We were pretty sure you’d be back (I, personally, never doubted you), but Remus, despite extreme inebriation, convinced us that his watch, and therefore Time, was moving backwards.

Wormtail was weeping over his disgrace. And possibly the end of the alcohol. Probably both.

Padfoot was getting rather tetchy at the three of us.

(You were here. You know how many bottles we’d consumed.)

In short, we needed more booze.

The house elves refused to break into the cellar. Sirius couldn’t Apparate drunk. (Which is a great story for another time; remind me to tell you about the badgers.) The four of us couldn’t fit on The Bike, so we sat there, despondent, occasionally hiccupping or sniffling, depending.

And then Moony had the brilliant idea to Transfigure my Head Boy badge into a Portkey.

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glitterherpes  asked:

I agree with your shy follower. I'm sort of a solavellan shipper, but I don't feel like the issues are hard to see at all. I don't find Solas "mysterious" or w/e, he's just plain difficult. One moment he's like "We elves need to stand together Sera" and then next when talking to Lavellan he's like " "WE"?? oh *mocking scoff* you mean eLvES?! pls" *solas disapproves*. Also the fact that he's the mastermind behind all the shit (have not played any DLC's yet, avoiding spoilers) I like your rants

I feel like Solas, just like Cullen, are appealing in that they both tell you that you’re special. 
I personally find him incredibly unappealing. First of all, he’s ugly as hell and I am a shallow person. Second of all, I find the way he talks about real live people, persons, your companions even, absolutely abhorrent (his comments on Sera, jesus fucking christ). It’s the same issue I have with Anders.

Since you haven’t played the DLCs I’ll keep it vague, but you will meet Solas again (which is obvious). There’s a line of dialogue, depending on whether you were friendly or not, and they both reek of self-righteousness, and it’s very clear that even if he does end up considering mortals ‘people’ (IF you were friendly with him), we’re still not ‘deserving’ enough of our lives, our history, our victories.

Solas is a liar, a liar who slips up a lot because he also happens to think that he’s the smartest man in the room. He’s got superficial charm.. And I can totally see a Lavellan fall hard for him at first because he’s a font of unprecedented knowledge (I wonder how THAT didn’t make anyone in Inquisition even a little suspicious) and Solas, according to legends, has always relied on his charm and Pretty Words to either cow people to  his side or get them to turn against the other.

And at first I can see the appeal. But I also love Inquisitors, romanced, who go ‘what the fuck’ when Solas not so covertly asks if they’re naturally this ‘special’ or is it his magic that made them special, and if Lavellan stands by her people, he’s pretty much like “oh I guess your people aren’t complete animals then if they could produce someone like you”. I also love inquisitors who get angry when Solas offers to remove their vallaslin, being completely ignorant and insensitive about how it’s lost its slave mark meaning thousands of years ago and has become a symbol of freedom and resilience to the Dalish.

it can be an absolutely magnificent, toxic shitshow, and I wish more people wrote Lavellan growing increasingly critical and suspicious about Solas while still being conflicted because they’re in love and compliments from someone they perceive as hugely wise are flattering as fuck (and solas knows it).

Critical Role + Aesthetic: The Wedding of Vax'ildan and Lady Keyleth (x) (x)

“Am I your wife?”

“Do you want to be?”

Things we need more of:  Elves with their hair up using hair sticks - 

    Teleri with hair sticks of driftwood, decorated with pearls and seashells,

    Noldor with metal hair sticks, either jeweled or left unadorned for battle,

    Woodelves with intricately carven hair sticks of wood,

    Glorfindel… I don’t care what kind of stick you use, just put your hair up, please…

The Wandering Company

‘These are High Elves! They spoke the name of Elbereth!’ said Frodo in amazement. 'Few of that fairest folk are ever seen in the Shire. Not many now remain in Middle-earth, east of the Great Sea. This is indeed a strange chance!’

lotr read-along bingo (week one prompt: the wandering company)

Imagine being Elrond’s daughter and being forced to marry Legolas while actually being in love with Tauriel

I saw no one has written for this imagine and I really like it~ on the imaginexhobbit blog!


“Father, please!” You pleaded, hurrying after him down the hall.

“I have made my decision, accept it.” Lord Elrond said over his shoulder, not slowing down. He had just told you the news of the marriage between you and King Thranduil’s son, Legolas. “It was difficult enough to even convince such a thing to that stubborn man!”

Huffing and pulling your dress up, you did your best to catch up. “If so, then call it off! I do not wish to be married to him.”

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anonymous asked:

Why was your old account deleted?

Well, the war was brewing east of the great river. Me and my comrades were ready for the elves to come in any day now, as soon as they were done fighting the dragons. We expected them to come with dead dragons, but they came with live ones.

From the air, our guns were useless against the invading Elven forces. Those pointy-eared bastard (pardon my tongue) tamed the dragons. They conquered our cities one by one, planting flags on all of our important monuments, making fun of our culture.

But our culture had something they don’t. Computers.

Elven tech was based on thought wave and magic, and in a sense they were more advanced than us because they’re magic was multi-tasking while all we had binary computers. But while their magic was based on the traditions of the past, we were heading forward towards the future.

We withdrew from all the major ports and began planning our cyber-counter attack. It was hard convincing the president to give up on the entire shore, but she caved it when she saw they got the best man for the job, me.

We began immediately working on the attack. Our goal was to directly translate magic spells to lines of codes, instead of cracking the secret of magic, we’d immitate it for long enough to repel the Elves and leave the real research to peace-time. We found a few problems with the magic-to-code translating mechanism. Not technical problems, the translation was going swimmingly. But moral problems.

The elven bastards were using blood curses and sacrafices to fuel their connection to the other side, thousands died powering the Elven war machine. We couldn’t allow it. Even if we wanted to, the president could only be pushed so far before she has her red lines.

So we came up with an alternative, instead of real lives, we’d “borrow” lives through the internet. We devised a life-to-code sucking machine, called The Tumbler. The Tumbler was effective in sucking people’s lives without physically harming them. It allowed us to perform many counter-operations and crack down on the Elves, but it wasn’t enough.

Like the elves, we needed a sacrafice. A whole blog with somebody’s life sucked into it needed to be deleted in order to crack the final defense. I volunteered.

The operation was a massive success. As soon as my blog was down, the Elven magic went offline. We didn’t even need to do much, the rebelling dragons did most of the work for us. Needless to say, we won, and nobody has to live under cruel Elvish rule this day.

One Last Time:  The Battle of Five Armies Review
(Or I’m Finally Sane and Coherent Enough to Put Two and More Sensible Sentences Together)

Here be SPOILERS.  If you like to read reviews before you watch a movie, then hop on in but please be warned that I will be discussing spoilery topics in here.  If you’d rather wait until you’ve seen the movie, you’re welcome to come back later.


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Some interesting shots from the DAI: The Descent trailer AKA WHY I AM FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS DLC ajksldfjsdhf

Well first of all, dwarven companions! Legion of the Dead probably

Lyrium veins that almost look like trees (crystal spires twining through the branches anyone?)

A huge ass arcane horror (perhaps… another magister?)

Darkspawn with lyrium-enchanted armor. Maybe just former dwarves but there seems to be something more here.

?!!! An underground forest with lyrium spires in the deep roads?!!! Like Cadash thaig? Or something…elven?

SOLAAAAAAAAAAAAS (so it’s not post-game, but stilll. i am all for fade nerd in the deep roads)

A darkspawn(?) elf that isn’t a shade. More ancient elves?!!!

A lyrium sylvan. And, are those…?