The Wembley Pride and The Grammy Hug will forever steal my heart. Every. Single. Time.
This is one of the biggest reasons Ed is the man he is, because he’s surrounded by such incredible people who love him so much.
^Just cutting onions over here. Bromance for LYFE.
Happy Birthday, Stuart Camp! We love your sass, couldn’t live without your tweets, and are SO grateful for how you love our Boy! Thank you for always having Ed’s back, and for having so much patience with us! We love you!
Yes, you love 2D. We know. You love 'Two Dents' so much. He's the light of your life. You love him so much. You just love 2D. We KNOW you love Stuart Pot. You fucking love him okay. We know, we get it. YOU LOVE STUART '2D' POT. WE GET IT.
so basically i found this on twomblyed ‘s wishlist when i was stalking it (oops) and thought it was super cute so yeah it’s long and it sucks but i hope someone enjoys it at least lol
[prompt: a “you’re my best friend but please be my fake boyfriend for my family Christmas party you’ll get free food and we’ll be at a nice cabin but my family always asks why I don’t have a boyfriend and I need this from you shit we slept together this is awkward” au]
Ever since the summer and school year had passed and the former ‘Team Lyle’ finally began working at the eminent Googleplex, the bond between the anterior teammates grew adament. Neha and (Y/N) became good friends who could come to each other about anything, even though most of the time their issues were fashion related. Nick and Billy became paternal models in (Y/N)’s life at Google, giving experienced advice and pick-ups when she was down. Yo-Yo and Lyle weren’t as close as the others, but (Y/N) still enjoyed hanging out with them and canvass work-related matters with them.
Then there was Stuart.
Stuart, who at the beginning of it all had his life revolving around what was materializing on his phone, came to be (Y/N)’s best friend and vice versa. If either of them was feeling down, upset, or even just bored, they could call each other up and talk for hours. (Y/N) couldn’t deny having some sort of romantic feeling for her best friend, but chose to detain that information because she knew her feelings were a dead end.
Christmas time was rolling around, and the office building was adorned top-to-bottom with red and green decorations. Creative drawings of notable holiday characters and objects like Santa Claus and Christmas trees were lined down the walls in glass frames. A long playlist of all the Christmas songs you could think of (and then some) played 24/7.
Stuart, who chose to stay in California for Christmas, had planned on staying in his apartment, maybe catching a few drinks with friends at night when all the parties ended. Nothing big. (Y/N), on the other hand, whose family roots were planted just a few miles from her worksite, had the annual family party to dreadfully attend. And she was not looking forward to it.
Every year it was the same routine; she’d show up with a tote bag of gifts. Her Aunt Carol would hug her and ask her where her boyfriend was, which (Y/N) would respond to with the aforesaid 'I don’t have one’. Then she’d go to the family room, greet her family, and watch TV while being pestered with questions about school or work. After opening presents, she’d fight with her mom on what size clothes she wears and would leave shortly after. She was tired of it.
It was Christmas morning - 8:39, to be exact. Her red dress hung in a clear garment bag on the bathroom door behind her. Makeup was spilled all over her counter and she had yet to paint her nails.
“If only I could find a god-damn boyfriend.” She mumbled to herself as she rolled and secured curlers in her hair. “Or at least a pretend one.”
Interrupting her from her internal thoughts, her phone buzzed with the cue of a text message on her countertop. Pinning up the last of her hair curlers, she picked up her phone to view a new text message from Stuart.
'Merry Christmas! Hope yours is better than mine’
The girl chuckled out loud at her best friend’s message, and typed a reply.
'Merry Christmas to you too! and why do you say that? Santa forgot to stop by?’
She got a reply moments later.
'Ha ha. I’m staying home all day watching the Christmas movie marathon if you’d like to join.’
(Y/N) smiled sympathetically at her phone. As she was about to type a quick response, her thought from earlier struck her mind again. If only she could find a boyfriend.. or a fake one.
Eyes widening in realization, she erased her previous message and typed a new one.
'CALL ME ASAP’
She tapped her foot impatiently, eyeing the clock to keep track of time so she could take the hair curlers out at the right time. Her phone sat on her counter surrounded by all the sprawled out makeup. A minute later, her ringtone sang, gesturing a phone call, as Stuart’s name and embarrassing profile picture displayed across her screen. Taking a deep breath, she accepted the call.
“Hi! Hey, Stuart, hi, merry Christmas.” She rushed out, pressing the phone to her ear.
“Merry Christmas. You sound pressed, what’s up?”
“Okay, you’re going to think I’m crazy, but just hear me out, all right?”
“Okay, so I’ve told you about my family Christmas party, right? The one at my Aunt Carol’s?”
“You’ve mentioned it and its reoccuring dreadfulness, yes,”
“So that’s today, you know, it’s Christmas and all.” She rambled. “I-I, you’re gonna think I’m insane..”
“Just say it! We’re best friends, I’ve seen you at rock bottom. But if you’re talking about committing a crime I should probably call the cops-”
“No! Stew,” She laughed. “You’re my best friend but since you don’t have plans, please be my fake boyfriend for my family Christmas party, you’ll get free food and drinks, and we’ll be at a nice house for a few hours and everything and we won’t even have to keep up the act for long. But my family always asks why I don’t have a boyfriend and I need this, please.”
Stuart took his friend’s words into thought. Fake boyfriend? His heart skipped as he imagined pretending to be (Y/N)’s significant other. Even though their friendship was unspokenly platonic, he couldn’t help but feel attracted towards his best friend.
“And remember you owe me for what you did on Halloween!”
After a moment of radio silence, he spoke up. “Fine. When, what do I wear?”
(Y/N) squealed into the phone. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re a lifesaver,” She exclaimed. “Be at my apartment at 9:30, dress nice but not that nice. Maybe a button down with a tie and some Chinos or something like that.”
“See you at 9:30, fake girlfriend.” (Y/N) could practically hear his smirk through the phone.
After a long process of makeup, hair, and nail care, (Y/N) had slipped her dress on and was putting the last touches on her appearance when the familar three-syllable knock sounded from her door. Prancing in her heels, (Y/N) opened the door to reveal Stuart, clad in a navy blue button down with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, a red tie, and a pair of beige Chinos with black shoes. His hair and glasses were worn in his usual style. He glanced down at your outfit and widened his eyes.
“Wow, you look great.” He said, and unconsciencely licked his lips.
“Thank you, you look great, too.” She complimented. “Let me go grab my purse and the gifts, and then I should be ready.”
After running to grab her belongings, she met her pretend-date back at the door. “Shall we?”
(Y/N) drove them both in her own car. “It’ll be about fifteen or twenty minutes.”
Stuart nodded. “So I’m going to need some backstory.”
(Y/N) scrunched her face while keeping her eyes on the road. “Backstory?”
“Yeah!” Stuart proclaimed. “Like, how we met, anniversary stuff, how long we’ve been going out, stuff like that.”
“I’m hurt that you don’t remember.” (Y/N) joked. Stuart frowned at her. “No, but, uhm.. well, let’s say we met at Google. The Internship Program. That part is actually true.”
“We’ve been going out for like, say, six months? Our sixth month anniversary was last week?”
“Works for me.” He agreed. “What about Christmas? What did we get each other?”
“Well, what do you want to pretend to have me give you?”
“I’ll go with a watch. And for you?”
“Gotcha.” Stuart said. “Are we in love?”
“I don’t know, are we?” (Y/N) bantered. “Kidding.”
“I’m breaking up with you.” Stuart said sarcastically.
“Ha, ha.” (Y/N) retorted. “And, by the way, my family’s weird, rude, and incredibly passive aggressive. If they ask you weird questions just answer as sanely as you can.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Pulling into the driveway of her Aunt’s unnecessarily huge house, (Y/N)’s heart thumped at the speed of light. Not only was she worried about people finding out that she was lying, but she was also afraid of her family in general. Taking a deep breath, she stepped out of her car and extracted her things while Stuart walked to her side.
“You ready?” Stuart asked her as they made their way to the front door.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Stuart, being the pretend gentleman he was, reached and opened the door before (Y/N) could even retaliate. “My lady.” He said with a smirk. (Y/N) glared back with a smile.
At the moment of her entrance, her Aunt Carol came barrelling towards her niece. “(Y/N)! Darling! How are you?” She questioned her niece loudly as she enclosed her in a hug.
“Is this your boyfriend? Have you got a boyfriend?” She asked, eyeing Stuart behind her.
“Yes, Aunt Carol this is Stuart.”
“It’s nice to meet you, ma'am.” He said, holding out his hand for the old woman to shake.
“What a gentleman,” Aunt Carol purred, and turned to her niece. “Let’s get you to the family room. You need some meat in some places.”
Trying not to be offended, (Y/N) led Stuart through the large house and to the family room, where the rest of her family was seated, conversating in random spots. Before (Y/N) could say anything to any of her relatives, her Aunt Carol beat her to it.
“Attention! Attention everyone!” Her Aunt called out to everyone in her sickly-sweet singsong voice. “(Y/N) here brought a boyfriend!” (Y/N) and Stuart both blushed, trying to make themselves as small as possible. Her family gave a small ovation before going back to their conversations. Aunt Carol, who somehow always finds a way to meddle into people’s business, made busy elsewhere, much to the pair’s relief.
“You want something to eat? Drink?” (Y/N) asked. Stuart shook his head. “Okay, let’s just sit down somewhere where we won’t have to talk.”
But, that method didn’t go as well as intentioned. Soon, a handful of (Y/N)’s relatives surrounded the pair, making them uncomfortable.
“So, Stuart, is it? How did you two meet?” Aunt May spoke up.
Stuart cleared his throat. “Well, we, uh, we both were enrolled in the Google Internship Program and worked together there, and now we both work at Google, so, yeah.”
(Y/N) squeezed his hand, sensing his socially-awkward semblance. Her aunts aw’d.
“Do you two live together?” Her aunt asked. (Y/N) sucked in a breath - they hadn’t rehearsed anything for that question.
“Yes,” Stuart blurted. “We have an apartment near the Googleplex.”
(Y/N) smiled at her relatives before turning to her counterfeit partner. “How about we go visit with my cousins?” She asked, and tugged his hand after smiling sweetly at her aunts.
“I’m sorry.” (Y/N) gushed once they were out of sight.
“It’s okay. It’s normal for family to be nosy about this stuff.”
(Y/N) showed a small smile to thank him for understanding before leading him into the kitchen. More of (Y/N)’s relatives were scattered around the room, and Stuart wondered how the hell she had so many family members.
After three agonizing hours of sitting, eating, talking, and opening gifts, that may or may not have been regifted, it was finally time for Stuart and (Y/N) to get the hell out of there. Right as the pair was leaving, Aunt Carol called out to the two.
“Wait!” She yelled, hobbling after you. “I have something for the two of you!”
(Y/N) and Stuart looked at each other skeptically before approaching the elder aunt. Aunt Carol had a knowing smirk on her face and her arm was tucked behind her back, obviously hiding the surprise. They were in front of the whole family now, and everyone watched in suspense. She yanked her arm out from behind her and (Y/N) and Stuart’s eyes widened and mouths dropped. Held out by Aunt Carol was a medium sized mistletoe on a string.
“Rules are rules, lovebugs!”
Stuart’s breathing got heavier. Was he really going to kiss this girl who had friendzoned him, but he still liked her anyways? He turned to face her. She shot him an “I’m so sorry” look, but he just showed a small side smile.
“Please don’t hate me for this.” He whispered into (Y/N)’s ear before placing a hand on the back of her head and kissing her vigorously.