we is weird

More humans being humans

Ok, guys, don’t know if this has been done before either, but I’ve had my second (2nd) idea about humans being weird.

Handedness.

Just, what the fuck, right?

There are some things I personally can do decently with both hands.  I’m an excellent typist, for instance, and I don’t think either of my hands are more proficient at it than the other.  Video game controllers.  Occasionally, there are things I can do just left-handed.

But in general, it’s insane that the mirror image of my right hand can’t do shit.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say my writing is legible with my right hand, but I can read it, and I can write small and quickly.  My left hand goes slow and makes a disaster on the paper.  Throwing, using a paintball gun, everything feels super awkward trying to do it left-handed to the point that I don’t even try.

So the aliens meet us.  It’s pretty cool (except for when our space lawyers ruin everything; see my other post).  And hey, these humans can be pretty useful and intelligent, let’s do some joint ventures as shows of good faith and getting to know each other.

We’re on the aliens’ ship.  Every time we’re carrying something and come up to that one door, we grumble to ourselves as we either awkwardly change hands or attempt to reach across to hit the button to open the door.  Humans always sit on the one side of the table, and if they don’t, they’re either elbowing their alien buddy or sending food all over the place.  So, the aliens naturally assume humans just evolved to use that hand for everything for some reason, even though that makes no sense, they look identical?

And then the lefties show up.  Doing everything mirrored.  The aliens had thoughtfully made some conversion kits to help the humans out, but now these ones need the mirror image or else their productivity is just shot.  But then there’s Susan, and she can use whatever hand she wants for everything?  Why aren’t all the humans like Susan? Or at least using the same hand?  How do we explain that to them?

“Oh, yeah, when we’re born, we’re basically programmed to probably use only one hand, picked mostly at random but favouring the right side.  Yeah, I don’t think about it much. Hey, can I take that chair, I don’t want to knock over your plate while we eat.”

This is what he’d do with a fidget spinner-

so i sent @saladtsar this post (x) about the lion king 2 and the final panel being captioned “victory screech” got us talking about how gryffindors would probably do that after every quidditch win. which led to us thinking about what disney movies would be each house’s favorite and would always been referenced in the house common rooms. here’s what we came up with

animated:
gryffindors - the lion king
ravenclaw -  atlantis: the lost empire
hufflepuff - toy story
slytherin - mulan   

live action: 
gryffindors - sky high
ravenclaw - holes
hufflepuff - homeward bound: the incredible journey
slytherin - the princess diaries 

and of course, how could we forget…

hocus pocus - school wide favorite, loved by all students no matter their house and constantly referenced around hogwarts

Aliens are so used to humans wanting to pet the most deadliest creatures they find because PUPPER that they have prepared on every ship with a human crewmate. They have human sitting duties and at least 2 chaperones when going planet-side, just in case they get any ideas.

Then a crew gets a human for the first time and it’s everything like what the Human Care Manual says. The human is loud, but pleasant, always joke around with the crew and was tremendous during that Flokkut Raid on Sector 6. The human even brought a camera with it to take pictures on the ship (it’s bigger than most, downright obnoxious in shape to some of the crew, but the human is happy with it, and a happy human is a bonded human)

So then they go down to a planet, letting the human explore with his chaperones. After walking for a while the group stumbles on a herd of Dwetts, elks with fish eyes and flippers. The aliens sigh cause it was bound to see creatures sooner or later, and turn to give Acceptable Reason #6 from the manual, when the human disappeared! They freak out because how did the human leave??? Does it have invisibility??? That wasn’t part of the manual!! But they hear their human saying “guys, stop moving! You’re going to upset them!”

They look down to see the human lying on his stomach looking through his camera, taking pictures. They were shocked, but did as they were told and sat down. For hours they watched the human taking photos, being as quiet as still as possible. This couldn’t be the same human??

When the human was done, it got up, stretched, and headed back for the ship. The chaperones followed suit. When they got back the captain was surprised that they returned without a creature (even with 2 chaperones, he suspected that the human would win anyway) but was astonished to hear what had happened.

“You didn’t want to take one as these ‘pets’ for the ship??”

“No???? Why would I? They aren’t domesticated, they need space to live which the ship wouldn’t supply.”

“But aren’t they cute in human terms?”

“I mean, I would say more interesting than cute. But seriously, how would we take care of it? How to feed it, groom it, keep away from all the sensitive equipment? It would be dangerous for us and it if we take one from the wild. You really want one that badly?”

“Wha- No! It’s just…you seemed to like them?”

“I mean yeah, it’s a new animal species, and I did take pictures, but not as long as I hoped for. Honestly you have to look at the ecosystem here before getting any animals on board.”

The captain immediately notified the Human Care Committee that their section on animal bonding does not apply to human subclass professional wildlife photographer

But seriously tho, on the topic of temperatures we can survive and stuff, aliens would flip the heck out if they lived where i do.

I live in a part of southern Canada that gets so cold that being outside for more than 2 minutes means you have a good chance of getting frost bite.

My room has two outside walls, and is very well insulated. In the winter i get frost on the inside of my walls and i couldnt give two shits. I sleep with the exact same blankets i do in the summer.

Like you see all these things about Australia, or rainforests, or Florida, and how extreme they are.

But id like to see aliens take on a candian hosehead. They’re like red necks, but with more crazy stunts, more beer, and more guns. Like can you imagine???

Alien: ah yes a nice cool region this will do nicely for the invasian

Human: *careens off building on a ski doo towing another man on a toboggan, hollering about how he left his beer at the lodge*

Alien: well perhaps the local species are a bit strange, but mostly harmless! After all, this species of humans “can-ayy-dee-ins” are known throughout this planet as kind and docile, we shall have no difficu-SMACK- HOLY GILSNIP YOU HIT ME WITH A PEICE OF ICE YOU PRIES FROM THE LAKE AND NOW IM BLEEDING HOW DARE YOU FEEL MY WRATH

Humans: WEEEE HEEEHEHEEEEE you came to the wrong neighbour hood, bud!

Alien:…. my scans say you are heavily intoxicated. This shall be a easy fight

Human: *whistles loudly and gives a big toothy smile*

Alien: starts screaming as another human on a sled heads a MASSIVE HEARD OF WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BEAST ITS FURY AND IT HAS BEEN HORNS GREAT GILSNAP GET ME OUT OF HERE

Humans: high fiving as they climb on their sleds and chase after their herd of buffalo because that will take a while but it was ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT DID YOU SEE THAT ALIENS FACE GET REKT

anonymous asked:

Ok but that photo you drew of Mcree with his serape flaring out behind him just makes the fabric look like fairy wings. And now all I can imagine is that he's a fairy with unusually large, super big wings patterned like his serape so he just lets them flop down over his shoulders. Maybe normal fairy ettiquite is 'don't touch the wings' but he doesn't know/care and just lets them flop over or wrap around his loved ones.

He’s mothman?

Phil’s creepshots of Dan: Aesthetic, cute boyfriend shots, moving out pics, couple goals, probably going to be printed off and put into a photo album that they can look at with their 3 children and 2 dogs uvu

Dan’s creepshots of Phil: Rat!! Cereal theiving scoundral!! Look at this dweeb locked out of his family’s house while his mother and I enjoy mousse in the next room and laugh!! 

some trick ass youtube bitch in 2010

japan sure is weird guys isnt it weird how different japan is

isnt it crazy how japan is so weird! oh japan! you so weird! *laugh track*

isnt weird how a culture and societal code of conduct can be different from ours, especially under the circumstances that lead japan to be isolated from the rest of the world for so long, leaving it to progress uniquely to most western civilizations?

fuckin

one time i saw a japanimation and there was a hot babe and she saw a tentacle and it was a porn of tentacle how fuckin wacky is that

3
Humans are so strange

And when I say this I’m thinking along the lines of how we sometimes do things for no reason.

Let’s face it, we do things and when someone asks why the answer is always “I dunno… I wanted to?”

For instance: my friends and I would yell, like someone would randomly start ‘aaaaahhh’-ing and it would progress to the point of screaming, just cause.

Another one is the whole 'MINE!’ thing from finding nemo. Any human hearing this will start chanting 'mine’ over and over again to the point of annoying, not only themselves, but everyone else as well.

Just imagine aliens seeing this. What would the aliens think of these 'fearsome’ Terrans chanting or screaming for no reason. Is it a ritual??? A human thing??? Do we do this too??? We just don’t know??? Like??? Why, human??? Why???