back from therapy. we talked about hive/swap a lot. it feels like we’re being given a second chance at being teenagers.
we didnt actually choose to get into ho/me/stuc/k. we were told by a friend that if we didnt read it she wouldnt have anything to talk to us about, so we had to read it to keep our friendship going and we didnt know we had the choice to not do it.
so it never really felt like it was something that was mine. it wasnt a choice. so no matter how much it means to us, no matter how much ive come to love it, the begining has always hurt. ive never gotten to have that very good begining to a fandom thing. its always a struggle. its always a survival thing. desperate gasping for a coping tool.
but this time i chose to love the world and the characters? this time i get to be sentimental and love it because i love it instead of because it being all i have.
im being allowed to heal from damage a friend did to us. im being allowed to have something that is mine for once.