we fought until the very end

This is one of the last pictures I took of Eva, a few days before we had to say goodbye. I’m amazed I made it through this first week without her. I mostly dissociated my way through it, and whenever I did feel anything, it was all jumbled up…relief that she is free of the cancer and no longer in pain, horror and pain that I can’t see or feel her anymore, anger that 4+ years of healthy life was robbed from her unfairly, peace in knowing that it would have robbed her of 5+ years if I hadn’t fought with everything I had to ger her treatment, and that I literally did everything I could until the very end…I’m wondering when life will start to feel “normal” again, if it ever will. She was so important to me, and now there’s this huge void in me where she used to be. It hurts so damn much. I’m finally able to return to work tomorrow, but even that won’t feel right, because there’s no silly pupper for me to rush home to anymore.

Thank you again to everyone who stuck by her with me. I can never thank you all enough. Your messages and comnents are helping me get through this.

2 May 1998
Freedom has a high price, and we payed it. We fought against the evil and won.

he placed sunflowers next to her grave every year.

“happy mother’s day, mum. perhaps you expected lilies, but isn’t that a little cliché?” (yes it is harry, you have no idea how many lilies james tossed in her face in 3rd year)

“you’ve taught me how to keep fighting on, i wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. i’ve hope i made you proud; i fought for a world you so desperately wanted to live in. i wish we were all together as a family: you, me, and dad… but like you said, you’re always with me. and i’ll never forget… i love you mum, until the very end”

widowtracer; broken and bleeding, lena doesnt give up


When Amelie first kisses her, the world is on fire. There are rockets soaring through the sky, massive buildings turned into rumble, and Lena has a bullet lodged in her side. 

Keep reading

But I’m not happy about this performance. Yes, we changed a lot of players, and played a lot of bench-players, BUT those players would be in the starting XI in every other clubs. The mentality was wrong: we cannot start play 30 minutes to the end, we cannot fail simple things like that. We conceded too much, to have been so superficial. We cannot make performance like this. Not if our goal is win the UCL.

Btw, the only thing I really liked is that we fought until the very end, as champions do. Fino alla fine.

Would I take it back? No. I wouldn’t. After it was over I spent many nights crying and crying, wishing that I could forget but now, well now I wouldn’t take it back for the world. Sure, it fucking hurt. Losing him hurt. It’s always going to hurt. I miss him every single day and I love him, I do, I still love him. We had something real though, you know? It was great and terrible and beautiful and tragic, we laughed and we cried and we kissed and we fucked and we fought and it was fucking real, it was all so very real. He was my first fucking everything. First crush, first kiss, first love, first time, first break up. How could I ever forget him? Why would I want to?

When it was over, god when it ended I was a wreck and I hated him or at least that’s what I said to myself and I insisted that I was fine, I was okay, I’m over it but I wasn’t. I’m still not, not fully. I think there are some things in life that you never completely get over and that’s okay, you know? You loved and you hurt and you lost it, and it still hurts, it was real, it was important, it’s always going to matter, it’ll always hurt, whether it’s only a little or a lot, that’s not the point. I loved him, god I loved him, more than I ever thought possible. Even now.

We fell in love, all so innocent, no clue what we were doing, first time falling in love for real. Everything felt like it was gonna last forever and we wanted it to, we did, honest to god we fucking did. For so long he wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my best friend, my soul mate… He was the person who knew me best. He probably still does, know me better than anyone, and one day it’ll be somebody else who knows me the best and the thought terrifies me, excites me a little too but it terrifies me so much. I thought it would be him and I until the very end.

But we grew apart. It happens. We fought it for a while but then it hit us, really hit us and that was it. Boom. Gone. Over. When I got off the bus the very next day he wasn’t there waiting to walk me home like always and I just cried and cried, maybe he was crying in that moment too or perhaps his lips were pursed and his eyes not so bright and forcing that particular smile of his that many would believe was real but I could always tell that it was fake. We broke up because we didn’t want to end up hating each other in the end, or going down the wrong road and becoming a toxic mess, we were friends first and always, we will always be friends. No, it will never be the same and we will know that, we’ll get a weird feeling when we see each other hand in hand with somebody else and think what could have been if our timing was a little better than it was, I think him and I will always be a little bit in love with each other, we were the firsts and his name will always linger in my heart, it will always have a place there and I’d like to think he feels the same regarding me. I’m sure he does. We always did think quite alike.

So, my answer is no. If I could erase it all… If I could erase every kiss, every single time we laughed, every single time he slipped his hand into mine and held it tight, every single late night conversation on the phone talking until the other one fell asleep, every hug, every touch, every time we made love, every time we fought, every time we cried, every time we just were us, I wouldn’t, I couldn’t, memories are too important. This pain, the hurt that I feel over losing him is a reminder and this scar I wear proudly. I fell in love and it was beautiful and it didn’t end awfully, it just ended but it still fucking hurts and I’ll never forget. Never.

—  They asked me if I would erase you if I could but darling I could never because you were the perfect first everything and for that I’ll always be grateful

I was gonna say some pretty nasty shit about this episode at first– about it being too tame compared to the first series but honestly they cleared up all my doubts by the end. It’s very well done! It’s always nice to have one of those moments of doubt only to be then confirmed otherwise.

Seriously, though, I can’t wait until we get some bloody enemies in here like Gaara was, or Zabuza, or even Sasuke and his pulling out peoples arms from their sockets via pushing against their back with his foot– but it’s good that Naruto mentioned my concerns in the end and the episode confirmed Shino hasn’t fought in a while, whatever was controlling him didn’t have full control of how he really is, and they would have been dead the second ACTUAL Shino decided to fight them.

I love the Shino love too, he didn’t get much of it first series, and I appreciate him a lot. I almost cried, so that’s good haha.

Jasper wants to be a diamond

Jasper doesn’t appear often in Steven Universe. Over the course of 3 seasons she’s only had five appearances, not counting other jaspers that have appeared as cameos in flashbacks. When she does appear however, things usually take a dark turn, and themes of power, fusion, and abusive relationships are dragged kicking and screaming into the center stage.

I’ve talked before about Jasper’s incredible hunger for power, and its relationship to her attitude towards fusion as well, but with the exception of one deleted theory I don’t think I’ve ever spoken about why she craves power, and why fusion has become so important to her character arc.

Jasper: I was there, you know. At the first war for this garbage planet.

As we know, Jasper is a veteran of the gem war, where she fought alongside many other Jaspers to recapture the earth from the crystal gems. It was very likely that Jasper was there right up until the very end, when the planet was evacuated shortly before the Diamonds unleashed the swansong that corrupted almost every gem left on earth. That last part wasn’t explicit, but… well…

Jasper: *to Sapphire* Stop singing! (Jasper punches the wall.)

Singing does seem to be a trigger for her…

It isn’t easy to say how big of an effect this had on Jasper, but for someone who prides herself on being powerful, seeing such a belittling force as that would be more than just humbling, it would be a lasting source of insecurity she would never live down. Given that she immediately dismisses fusion as a cheap tactic for making weak gems stronger than her, and then changes her tune the moment she gained control of a powerful fusion, this seems a little on the nose


Anyway, this event would be a lasting reminder of just how insignificant her “strength” really was. It’s the kind of terrifying image that doesn’t dull with time, only growing more symbolic and more a part of who she was. It’s no wonder Jasper wants power, she’d never want to feel that weak again, and that’s a dangerous road that could only lead to one conclusion: the need to become more powerful than the diamonds

To be fair to her, this may not be a conscious desire. She wants power, that much is obvious, but whether or not she realizes WHY she wants power is unclear. 

Here’s the thing though: A lone gem can’t become any more powerful. Sure, they can grow more skilled over time, but gems don’t grow, nor can they rise through the ranks via skill and experience. A gem is born fully-formed, and will remain in that state and that rank for the rest of their lives. A gem can take a stronger form through regeneration or shape-shifting, but that generally speaking is not a sustainable thing

Fusion is the only option for a gem to become more powerful without their body collapsing, and as we and Jasper learned from Malachite, the kind of difference this can make is immense.

However, strength isn’t the only thing fusion changes. When two different kinds gems fuse together, their fusion is a third type of gem with different powers, and more importantly a different place and rank in gem hierarchy! 

There’s a reason the Diamonds banned mixed-gem fusion but permit fusion for two of the same gem. What’s to stop two bottom-of-the-totem-pole gems from becoming a perma-fusion like Garnet and taking a higher place than either of them ever should have been able to attain. More frighteningly, what’s to stop two gems from fusing into a Diamond? This is exactly what the Diamonds sought to prevent by making mixed-gem fusion a taboo, and now the most power hungry gem we’ve ever seen has learned the power of mixed-gem fusion.

Jasper has learned a greater strength than ever before by fusing with Lapis, but when would that ever be enough for her? She wants to be more powerful than the diamonds, and whether or not she realizes it, that path is going to lead her to natural conclusion of being a diamond herself.

What, you want more foreshadowing than this? We’ve literally been staring this conclusion in the face from the moment we met her. 






classicdaisycalico said: I’d LOVE to see your writing! (Also, despite this episode mainly happening in the minds of the characters, I’m still upset that Perci has basically been made into a Mary Sue both in and out of their thoughts.)

Here is my issue with Perci in this episode, and it’s not even her fault. I’m not upset that she was everyone’s love interest. I’m not upset that the episode was centered around her. What I’m upset about is that she ended up being used exactly how I feared she would be used when she was first introduced.

When I first saw her design, I thought she looked really pretty and really badass. But I was worried she was just going to be used as the popular girl that everyone liked and fought over. Then when I played Rise of Lyric, we got to know more about her and that she and her family actually have a really awesome history. She is actually a very important, no-nonsense kind of character. I was so happy and excited!

But then we have today’s episode. Granted, I know the show is supposed to be sillier and more watered down than the games’ story. But still, did we get to learn anything new about Perci or see her being appreciated as a worthy character? Not really, not until the end of the episode when we got to hear her point of view. Apparently not even Sonic and friends know her very well either since they were all very biased and not receptive to how she thinks or what she says. They all see her as a pretty face too. None of them cared that she could handle herself. Sonic and Knuckles were too busy trying to impress her and Amy was too busy being jealous, so much so that nobody was legitimately concerned for her.

It’s just unfortunate. From ROL, we know that Perci is important. In fact, I would go as far as to say I would actually really love to play her. And if you listen to some of the cut dialog from the games, you learn that Perci was supposed to be playable (and was actually someone that Amy got along with!)

I want to see more of Perci, but I want to see her being Perci. I want to know more about her. I want to see her being a friend and an ally. I don’t want everyone fighting over her just because she’s a pretty face, when there’s possibly so much more to her than that.

Rant On aka NBC you're a d*ck

I think it’s hard for any fan to describe the feeling they have when their favorite television show gets canceled.

Not many can relate – likewise to a person who loves their pet like a child. It just seems so odd to become that attached to something that lasts (or lives) for such a short period, compared to other more common objects of affection.

But, I like to think of becoming a fan of a television series as falling in love with a good book, or a good story. It sticks with you forever. Something very magical can occur when you start watching a show that just *clicks* for you. It’s all about relation, connection and passion.

At first you are merely getting to know it, like you’re meeting a new and potential friend. You carefully watch it, full of judgment. You become a critic – but the more you watch, the more you spend time with it – you have an opinion. The real magic happens when you start to care. The characters, the plot, it begins to mean something to you. Whether it piqued your curiosity at the start or turned a corner and smacked you silly with a feeling of déjà vu, you end up having a *moment* where everything just seems to turn from black and white, into vibrant color.

Then there is a connection – a spark. You have instantly decided to let the show become a member of your family. You make time for it, you arrange dates for it. You plan for it. You celebrate it, and over time, you feel like you have found a reliable and best friend who is there for you when others friends are not.

Lastly, there is one other thing that may occur when committing time to watching a television series (especially for the diehard fans). This is the moment when the series becomes even more than a show but an inspiration.

Those of us who get to this point are so overcome with passion for what our eyes and ears have soaked up from every episode, so much that we want to do something about it. We certainly can’t grab our bags and head out to meet our favorite characters on location, because they don’t exist… and we can’t make a call and ask to visit the set where the actors make our favorite television moments come to life. So what do we do? We write, we scream, we shout, we make noise and we support the show in every way possible. We think of ways to help promote. We think of ways to get involved and - one of my favorite parts – we make sure that the cast, the crew and everyone who has anything to do with the show knows just how much we love them.

That is, until disaster strikes – and the big league network nixes their support.

We are then left alone, in the cold – supporting something we fought so hard to promote. Our commitment steadfast, but we end up being tied to the anchor of a sinking ship that has now sailed out of the scope of the very investors that told us to hop aboard.

In conclusion though, I have to admit that not only does this hurt me as a fan of Revolution, but it hurts me as a professional who expects more from the industry AND as an audience member.

Regardless if you are part of the world of production, film, television, writing, SAG or otherwise related to the television networks, this is a great example of the deterioration of scripted television, as well as the reputation of a company’s moral ethic.

If doctors have to swear an oath to do no harm, I think television networks should have to conform to more than a contract with just their employees (producers, cast and crew) but with their audience.

The real question then becomes, why should I commit to watch what you want to show me if you can’t commit to keep showing it to me if I like it? What’s in it for me? Why should I invest my time if you’re not willing to invest your effort?

What a shame to any shows out there that have a strong fan base but not “profitable” ratings.

In the words of Miles Matheson, NBC “you’re a dick.”

- a.r.

Elite Eight: Closed

And that’s a wrap, Olicity fans!  Voting in E!Online’s Elite Eight Round is done and after a fierce freaking battle, Olicity came up short. I’d quote the exact percent but the site’s not showing me the closed polls.  Ah well. Doesn’t really matter.  What matters is, this might be second place but this fandom’s fight, its never-say-die, and its competitive spirit (not to mention class), was 100% first rate.

If you’re feeling anything right now, Oliciters, it better be pride.  Pride in a war well fought, in passion, and spirit, and encouragement, and in your entire fandom because I’ve never seen a group work so hard for something in my life.  Outstanding and inspiring and, I might add, a terrific reminder of what Olicity fans can do when they come together, to work together, and stick together.  We moved mountains this week, and we did it together.

So take a bow, Olicity fans.  You deserve it.

It was just this morning we rallied for a 0.4% lead before being slammed by votes for the other side (Kudos to the Captain Swan fandom!  You put up a hell of a fight!).  When you, Oliciters, realize the odds stacked against us, I hope you’ll walk away from this tournament not defeated but exceptionally proud.  I know I am.

This wasn’t about conspiracies, cheating, votes not counted, methods working or not working (they did btw, my inbox is full of questions about it, but just know it does work. Cache. Hard refresh. I’m not going to get into explaining it).  The simple fact is, Olicity fandom, we got beat.  More votes cast on one side than the other.  That’s how polls and voting works.  But what you should remember the most about this tournement was that every single time we got knocked down, we got back up, we dusted ourselves off, and we got back in there and we fought.

What you may not have realized were our odds.  This wasn’t just ship vs ship.  No, you have to factor in that our opponent’s official show social media accounts and actors tweeted vote link to its over viewers (as they totally should, again, a battle well fought!) and we still managed to hang in there and battle back day after day… that’s something to be proud of.

What no one could have anticipated was “Go vote” shares from other celebrities not on the show and who are, themselves, fans of our opponent’s ship.  When you have that, when just one of them has almost a million followers alone, you’re in for a battle of the ages.  That’s the way of the fandom world when it’s shipper wars, especially now in the age of social media.  It was a fair, head to head fight.

Olicity fans, do all of you realize what you all did?

You worked hard to even get Olicity nominated.

You were one of sixty-four ships going into the competition and beat Chicago Fire.

You made it into the Sweet Sixteen and beat Lost Girl (who, by the way were the winners of this same tournament in 2013)

You survived to be one of the Elite Eight.  Eight! 56 other couples didn’t make it as far as we did.  Let that sink in for a moment.

Together we fended off ALL of that – including members of at least five other fandoms who decided to pile on us for various reasons (again, no blaming an entire fandom for their whackadoodles. We all have them) – and we fought our way back each and every time until the very bitter end.  All because we love Stephen and Emily, Oliver & Felicity, and because we really, really wanted a possible joint interview with them, dang it! *stomps foot*  LOL!  One day, Olicity fans. One day.  It’ll happen.

But if that’s not dedication, if that’s not the true spirit of the fun and awesome things that the Olicity fandom can do?  I don’t know what is.

So as the poll settles into the rear-view mirror and we get back to doing what we do best  – having fun with our fandom, sharing the Oliver & Felicity love, enjoying Stephen and Emily – do it with great pride, Oliciters.  I don’t think anyone could have fought harder or done more or given our all with any more passion than we did.

A hearty thank you for everybody who came out and voted.  Whether you cast one or a kabilliongillion, you mattered. 

So be proud of yourselves, Oliciters, the way I’m so very proud of you tonight.  You are the epitome of what a “fandom” and a ship is all about.

Now go take care of those sore hands, those stiff shoulders.  Go watch some tv.  Have some ice cream.  Get some rest.  And then let’s get back to the business of having some damned fun around here!  I bet there’s oodles of new vids on youtube to discover, fanart in the tag, and fan fic updates to devour.

Oh, and one final note.  A HUGE “Thank you!” to marcguggenheimthecwarrow​ (and all its departments, writers, etc), cwfantalk​ and people like Orlando Jones and Charlotte Ross for trying their best to share that link and motivate people to vote in support of the Olicity/Arrow fandom.  That was generous and class all the way, and we can’t thank you enough.

P.S. A very heartfelt thank you to all my followers for putting up with my craziness and my insane posts and rally calls. I know it was tiresome on days, so I really thank you for hanging in there with me and putting up with it.  I promise things will go back to normal now.  :)

The Executioners Song Initial Thoughts


1. I WAS NOT EXPECTING SUCH A BLATANT REINFORCEMENT OF THE CAS/COLETTE PARALLEL. Hoping for something like that, yes, but not expecting. There really can’t be any more argument that Dean = Cain (though that one was never up for debate), Sam = Abel, and Cas = Colette. That’s not to say there won’t be, but the arguments against are getting harder and harder. Cain even said Dean was living his life in reverse, made a point of saying that killing Cas would hurt something awful. If Cain killed Abel (his brother) then Colette (the love of his life), and the reverse is Dean killing Cas then Sam, what does that tell us?

2. Pet angel. Have to say, I was half laughing, half awwww-ing all over the place.

3. Cain knows about Cas. He just fucking knows. He let Cas go free, then that sideways look he gave him after their little show outside, them everything he said to Dean… yeah. No way he doesn’t know.

4. Sam’s right and Dean is in some spectacularly serious trouble. I hope the next couple of MotW eps don’t put that on the back burner.

5. I’m not convinced that Cain is dead, not yet. Or if he is, then something else happened that Dean isn’t sharing. SPN does rather love to show the major death scenes, and we didn’t see it at all. That, plus the fact that when Sam said “you do it” Dean quickly glanced towards, makes me suspicious.

6. I really hope Crowley is being set up to move back into his uber villain role. It certainly looks like it. Dean (and I suppose Cas also, indirectly) has made good on metaphorically ripping Crowley’s heart out, then Rowena tore him to shreds as well. Crowley isn’t the type to just sit back and take that. The way Dean has completely cut Crowley off is significant. He even did it in a much more straightforward manner than he did when he was a demon.

7. I really liked the positioning of the four of them in a couple of different shots, and the way they contrasted. I’ll probably do this better tomorrow with screencaps & everything, but before Dean fought Cain they were grouped with Sam & Cas facing Dean & Crowley. Afterwards, it was Dean facing the other three, up until he handed the blade over, which shifted the grouping when Cas moved. So we ended with Dean & Cas facing Sam & Crowley, which has all sorts of speculated implications.

8. Dean handed the blade to Cas. Words cannot express my excitement over this. I think having to choose which of the three to give it too (or indeed, keep it himself) was something of a crossroads. Four characters, four choices, all with very different outcomes. I’m probably (definitely) getting too far ahead of myself, but giving Cas the blade seems not only hugely symbolic, but mostly positive as well. This is Dean taking the thing that can not only kill him, but turn him completely dark again and entrusting it with Cas. He has literally taken his life and put it in Cas’s hands. And he knows he can trust Cas to do what is needed.

9. The shoulder pat YES, YES PLEASE.

10. Sam is a wonderfully perceptive brother. He’s finally learning to not only see through Dean’s bullshit, but to also ask for help, which is essentially what he was doing by telling Cas the truth about what happened in their conversation. He’s learning that actually, he and Dean can’t do it by themselves, that they need to let others in. That can only be a good thing.

11. The bro hug. Did that remind anyone else of the 9.23 hug, with slightly less actual death on Dean’s part? That bit is ever so slightly foreboding, when it comes to Dean’s mental state.

This week was such a fantastic step up on last week. Sometimes it really is hard to reconcile the two different extremes in quality. Yay Bobo & Sgriccia, you put together a wonderful episode, and yay Tim O, Jared, Jensen, Misha & Mark for turning in awesome performances.

everythingismorethanfine said: I absolutely adore your books - they’re my guilty pleasure, go-back-and-reread books (like how chocolate is my comfort food), so thank you! I wanted to ask about the Alliance rune. It was revolutionary in City of Glass, so why did it not become “standard issue” for when Shadowhunters and Downworlders fight together? There were several occasions where it could have been (an example would be in City of Heavenly Fire, where there was time to prepare for some of the battles beforehand). Thanks!

Sure, except that there were no battles where Shadowhunters and Downworlders fought together in CoHF. There were no Downworlders in the battle at the Citadel, and no Shadowhunters at the Praetor Lupus. As far as we know, there are no Downworlders in the Institutes that were attacked (besides the traitorous faeries). Throughout the book, the Nephilim are isolated in Idris and the Downworlders are doing their own thing (Maia taking over the pack and joining forces with Lily).

The only Downworlders who were in Edom were Luke (who had no Shadowhunter near him until the very end, when he reunites with Jocelyn and the others), Magnus (who was in no condition to fight), Raphael (who is killed) and Simon. Simon is the only one for whom it would have made sense to form an alliance rune bond with a Shadowhunter, but it only would have been one Shadowhunter, and actually wouldn’t have helped them much since they had to split up in the citadel.

I’d like to think the Alliance rune gets used, but things are shaky with Downworlders and Shadowhunters after the Cold Peace.

Noch ein paar Worte zu der Thematik Reus und der EM. Ich finde Marco hat unsern vollen Respekt verdient und kein Mitleid (auch wenn ich glaube, dass er der Unglücksvogel der deutschen Nationalmannschaft ist). Man muss zugeben er hat einen leider sehr verletzungsanfälligen Körper ABER trotz dem Wissen hat er die Zähne zusammengebissen und bis zum Schluss im DFB Pokal für uns gekämpft. Er hat wahrlich gelitten aber er hat seinen Kapitän gestanden und hat uns allen gezeigt wie viel ihm an Borussia Dortmund liegt! Wohl wissend, dass es ihm die EM Teilnahme kosten kann, wenn er sich in diesem Spiel verletzt. Er hätte sich auswechseln lassen können wie Hummels oder den Elfmeter verweigern können wie Miki aber das hat er nicht! Er hat alles gegeben! Er hat gekämpft bis zum Schluss! Über den Ausgang dieses Spiels will ich an dieser Stelle nicht weiter eingehen aber Marco hat sich voll und ganz aufgeopfert für seinen Verein und auch wenn er gerade enttäuscht ist, dass er auf internationaler Ebene wieder nicht zeigen kann was er kann und insbesondere wieder keinen Titel gewinnen könnte, bin ich persönlich der Meinung, dass seine Bereitschaft für den Verein viel mehr wert ist! Darauf sollten wir und auch er besonders stolz sein! Nächste Saison reißen wir den Bauern (oder RB Leipzig^^) den Arsch auf! Gute Besserung Marco und sei stolz auf dich so wie wir alle!

A few more words about Reus and the EURO. I think Marco deserves our full respect and no pity at all (although he seems to be the jinx of the German national team). You have to admit, unfortunately, that he is very injury prone BUT despite this he challenged his body and fought for us the whole DFB cup final. He truly suffered but he did what a captain should do and showed us how much he loves Borussia Dortmund! Knowing that it may ruin his participation on the EURO if he injures himself during this game. He could have wanted to be substituted like Hummels or refuses to kick the penalty as Miki did but he did not! He has given everything! He fought until the very end! I don’t want to talk about the ending of this stupid game but Marco has completely sacrificed himself for his club and even if he’s disappointed right now that he, once more, is not able to show his talent on international level or maybe win a title. I personally think that his willingness to fight till the very end for Borussia Dortmund is worth much more! We (and also he himself) should be quite proud about him! Next season we are gonna destroy the Bauern (or RB Leipzig ^^)! Get well soon Marco and please be proud about yourself. We all are! 

Bucky x Reader

Summary: This is Bucky’s letter for you.

Warning: It’s kind of sad.



When we first met, I knew you would change my life forever. I couldn’t explain why or how. I just knew it. I remember you walking into the tower with Fury, looking so fragile and intimidated, a tiny little girl inside black clothes and combat boots. My first thought was that you were trying to look scary. Unsuccessfully, I must add. I guessed you needed the Avenger’s help. Well, I was wrong.

We were told you would join us in our missions, and it was a huge surprise. You spent weeks in your room, never trained with us, barely even spoke to anyone. Exactly two months after you became part of the team, you went out to the field with us.

I remember that everybody was worried sick about you. It wasn’t just because of the fact that you looked like a defenseless doll, but also because you never trained. We considered locking you up in the tower and keeping you there until the job was done, but we knew how pissed Fury would be. So we took you with us, but secretly we had your back 24/7.

In that very same mission, one of us screwed up. We never knew who did it (but I bet it was Tony). Anyway, we were about to get our asses kicked VERY hard. That’s when you intervened.

We barely saw you move. It ended really fast. You took down eleven armed men with your bare hands, saved all of us and the civilians around. You fought like a goddess. We later found out you were a meta human.

It took us months to get close to you. When we did, it was worth every second of effort. You were kind, sweet, selfless, caring. Not to mention how gorgeous you were. After we finally became friends with you, Natasha didn’t took long to try and set you up with me.

You and I lived an epic romance. I told you all about the 40ties, about the good and bad things I lived back then, war stories, love stories. Told you about the people I met on battlefields, both heroes and murderers. I talked for hours about my hobbies, my fears, my traumas, my old and new friends, types of food I preferred, how much I loved the stars and how much I hated bugs, especially those who could fly. You would laugh of my stupid jokes, listen carefully to all of my dramas, give me space whenever I needed and, the best of all things, you would care for me and love me like I was part of you.

You showed me your favorite songs, pictures of your childhood, thousands of footages of school plays you participated as a teenager, your favorite books and TV shows. Told me stories about your adventures, your mistakes, your awful first kiss, your first concert and how much you hated yellow things. I loved to see how beautiful you sounded when you talked about yourself. I even loved the silly looks on your face when you talked about your celebrity crushes. We couldn’t have enough of each other.

After three years and a half, you started acting weird. You disappeared for a whole week, with the excuse you were going to visit your family. Which I must add was very unusual, considering you hadn’t paid a visit to them since you joined the Avengers. When you came back, it seemed like your first months here all over again. You pushed everybody out, me included. I was desperate. I didn’t know what was wrong. Were you hurt? You didn’t love me anymore? You were cheating?

One day, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to your room to get the truth out of you, and I still remember the exact words we said.

“Y/N, I can’t stand this situation anymore. What is going on? Tell me, I can take it. Go on” I said, frustrated. All you did was look at me with a sad expression. “Do you want out? Let me know, please. You don’t love me anymore, is that it?”

“Damn it, Buck, of course that’s not it. I love you. I do. But…” your voice cracked. I had courage enough to pull you closer and hold you in my arms, your head resting on my chest.

“Tell me, doll. I’m here for you, no matter what” I kissed your forehead.

“I am pregnant” you whispered, and I swear my heart stopped for a moment. I quickly put myself together, I knew I had to show confidence so you wouldn’t freak out.

“It’s okay, babe. We’ll be a family, we’ll raise our child together. The guys will help us if we need them to. It won’t be easy, but w-” I was talking, but you cut me off.

“Don’t you understand? We have thousands of enemies. The baby will be our weakness. It will be in danger all it’s life. They will use it to get to us. And besides, you always said you didn’t want kids, and I agreed, because I know I won’t be a good mom. I’m too damaged. I will raise it to be broke and sad, maybe even crazy”

“Yes, I did say I didn’t want kids. But it happened. I will own it. I will love this baby and I know you will too. Don’t think for even a second you would make a bad mother. I know better and so do you. You will be amazing. And may I remind you, we have an entire team of heroes to protect our child. I think it’s going to be just fine”

And we decided to keep it.

Every since we started dating, you told me all about your psychic skills. At first I thought you were telling the truth, but it turned out to be just coincidence. You just guessed the next lines of movies and the weather for the next day, sometimes what comercial was about to start, stuff like that. We both knew it wasn’t really a thing, but we loved to joke about it. Today, I wonder if it wasn’t real, because of something you said two days before giving birth to our child.

“Bucky, I need you to promise me one thing”

“Yes, anything you want, doll” I replied.

“If I die during labor, please don’t hate our baby” you asked, sounding tired and sad.

“That’s not going to happen. You’ll be okay” I guaranteed.

“Just promise, James.”

“I promise I won’t hate it. There. Happy?”

And two days later, as I held my daughter in my arms for the first time, I watched you take your last breath in this earth.

At first, I won’t lie, I couldn’t even look at her. She made me think of you. It felt like multiple stabbing on my stomach. Natasha and Wanda watched over her during the first three or four months. It was really hard to be around her. But I had a promise to keep.

Today, I love her more than anything in this world. She lives in your room, at the tower. She’s a meta human too, and we’re training her. Just like you, she wants to save the world. She kept all of your stuff exactly where you left it, and she cleans the dirt of it every week. She reads your books, listens to your CDs and watches the footage of 15-year-old you acting and singing on West Side Story.

She loves you so much it hurts. She even misses you, even though she only saw you once, seconds before you died. I wish you could meet each other again. You wouldn’t believe how much you two look alike.

You would have been an incredible mother. I know it, she knows it. I’m writing today because it’s her 18th birthday, and I thought you would like to know about how we’re doing here without you. I kept my promise, doll. And, damn it, I could never hate this little girl. She’s you without a change. Anyway, I’m kinda late to the party the team is throwing for her (you know Tony and his expensive taste).

I love you, baby.


anonymous asked:

I do not know how to explain Jamies young ghost at approximately 25 years old. I can only hope he passes first as he seems to want. I hope she returns through the stones eventually passing away and a young Jamie holds his hands out to her and as she stands with him she is young once more in The Ghost and Mrs Muir style. I'm a hopeless romantic.

Hi anon - let me answer this in two parts.

1. Have you read my Jamie’s ghost theory? This explains how I think the “ghost” (more like the soul or spirit) of 25 - year-old Jamie ended up at Claire’s window in Inverness:

Jamie was about that age when he fought at Culloden. Readers know how that was one of the times he nearly died.

So I think that as he’s delirious after the battle, he somehow sees Claire - who he had sent back through the stones on the morning of Culloden - in her own time.

But he doesn’t remember any of this until the very final moments of his life - and we know how memories of Culloden are slowly coming back to him in Book 7 and Book 8.

But this memory brings him peace, because at the very moment he’s leaving earth - and, presumably, Claire - he’s remembering the moment right before she came to him.

2. As for how the series could end - which some people speculate as meaning the death of Claire and/or Jamie - here are my thoughts on the subject (not exactly the way you’d speculated - but romantic in a different way):

I think it will be a scene with Jamie (age ~79) and Claire (age ~84) at Lallybroch. Maybe walking the fields, or sitting by the fire with a glass of whisky. With the sounds of their family (which may or may not include Brianna, Roger, Jem, and Mandy, I don’t know if they’d stay in the past for good) in the background. And Jamie makes an off-color joke, and Claire calls him a bloody Scot. Or something like that. And then a fade to black.

It almost physically pains me to think of one of them either seeing the other die (and knowing that it’s a true death, not one of the close calls they’ve had in the past) and/or thinking of one of them living alone, knowing that the other is truly dead. Because that would not be a life for either of them. And while we joke about how Diana Gabaldon enjoys tormenting her readers, I highly doubt that she’d subject her beloved characters to such pain.

And I’m not a fan of the “they die in each other’s arms” scenario because 1. That’s too much like The Notebook 2. It’s cliche, and absolutely *nothing* about Jamie and Claire is cliche and 3. Do you really, really think Diana Gabaldon would do that? If nothing else, the woman is creative!