This is one of the last pictures I took of Eva, a few days before we had to say goodbye. I’m amazed I made it through this first week without her. I mostly dissociated my way through it, and whenever I did feel anything, it was all jumbled up…relief that she is free of the cancer and no longer in pain, horror and pain that I can’t see or feel her anymore, anger that 4+ years of healthy life was robbed from her unfairly, peace in knowing that it would have robbed her of 5+ years if I hadn’t fought with everything I had to ger her treatment, and that I literally did everything I could until the very end…I’m wondering when life will start to feel “normal” again, if it ever will. She was so important to me, and now there’s this huge void in me where she used to be. It hurts so damn much. I’m finally able to return to work tomorrow, but even that won’t feel right, because there’s no silly pupper for me to rush home to anymore.
Thank you again to everyone who stuck by her with me. I can never thank you all enough. Your messages and comnents are helping me get through this.