some memorable assholes from my time in corporate coffee
- “can i get a blended americano without the coffee?” “so, decaf?” “no just like an americano frappuccino, hold the coffee.” “that’s a cup of blended ice.” “what the fuck? i didn’t order that!!”
- the creepy guy who would slide quarters across the counter to me and say “more where that came from if you keep smiling”
- a regular whose order was a venti extra-extra dry cappuccino. basically she just wanted 2oz of espresso and 14oz of burnt milk foam, and insisted i make it every damn time cause i was the only one who made it the way she liked. when any of my co-workers made her drink she would end up full on screaming at them “i said DRY cappuccino i want it DRYYYY this isn’t dry!!!!!!!!” etc etc etc and would throw it in the trash and demand we remake it. and this horrible bitter old woman thought we were friends and she’d stand around the counter (backing the line up around her) whining to me about my co-workers who were standing 3ft away.
- parents shouting at me bc i wouldn’t sample an entire cake pop out for their screaming toddler for free.
- i’m trans. some guy in his 30s asks “so are you gay or what?” i politely decline to answer. “um, the customer is always right. so are you?” that means i have to make whatever shitty drink you order, not that you’re entitled to my personal life in any way.
Can you tell us some ridiculous Starbucks customer stories? I love hearing about insane customers.
Oh, sure. I’ll bite. I’ll only tell you about my most memorable regulars to keep it an appropriate length.
1. Every morning, we had a woman come in and order a venti skinny vanilla latte with absolutely zero foam, but she still wanted it filled to the top. If there was ever any foam, she would demand we remake it. She would come in during the busiest part of our morning, so if one of us saw her down the line, we would begin to make her latte because it takes a long-ass time for the steamed milk to settle so there’s not any foam in the latte. Every new person was terrified of her. She would call out baristas and say that only baristas were allowed to make her drink. I was deemed as one of those baristas, but she always called me Ashley (my name is Sarah). She also called her assistant Monica (her name was Maura). She never tipped us. She never said thank you. But, she did have the “Can I speak to your manager?” haircut, so we should’ve known from the start.
Fun bonus fact: there was a hurricane with her name around the time I was a barista, so we referred to her as “Hurricane ________” whenever she wasn’t around. And whenever we saw her in line, we would say “I thought hurricane season was over!” to warn the others.
2. A banker came in every day with his mistress and tipped us extra so we wouldn’t rat him out to his wife, who he came in with every Saturday.
3. One regular would come in and created his own version of drinks, and he wouldn’t tip us if we didn’t ask “The regular for you today?” even though he didn’t have a regular drink, because he was always making up his own recipes.
4. Another one of our regulars refused to have me as a cashier because I forgot to add his star on his Star Rewards card before ringing him up during the afternoon rush.
5. And my favorite regular would give us nicknames and only refer to us as such. Mine was Goldilocks, even though my hair’s not curly and it wasn’t blonde at the time.
I work at a cafe at a local grocery store (similar to whole foods) and we have the most pretentious customers i s2g, especially since our policy is focused on customer service and we have to bend over backwards to please crybabies who don’t get their way. I could write a book about the shit I’ve dealt with. Anyway, one of our regulars, who I’ll call “Sarah” is always a pain in the ass to deal with, for instance she often orders a “tepid latte” and will come back and complain if it’s even a few degrees above favorable temperature and demand that we remake it for free. Well one time we had a long line of customers and she comes to the coffee counter with several grocery items and orders a smoothie. One of the items was a bottle of vitamins, and after totaling the cost she’s gets all pissy saying “that’s not the right total!” I relay the prices of each item to her and she’s like “the vitamins were $8.30, not $8.50.” Literally a 20 cent difference. I say “I’m sorry I can call a store manager to check the price for you if you want but it’s ringing up as $8.50” and she’s like “I’ll go check I’ll be right back” and takes off across the store before I can say anything. We had over 10 people in line waiting to order coffee. At this point my manager is like what the fuck is going on. So Sarah finally comes back after taking her sweet time and the baristas and everyone in line is pissed off and she’s like “It’s $8.30 change it.” At this point I just want her to leave and my manager was like “whatever” so I change it and she is suddenly happy again. After she walks away and waits for her smoothie my manager tells me to go check the price, and I go and guess what?: $8.50. I come back absolutely livid and my manager tries to find Sarah but she took off pretty fast after getting her smoothie, which is odd for her since she usually stays in the cafe area to enjoy her drink. So basically anytime Sarah tries to pull a stunt like that again we call the store manager, end of story, even if she cries about “horrible customer service”. All for 20 cents