I Can’t Go On If You’re Not Here
Pairing: Jeongguk x Reader
You have been in love with Jeongguk since freshmen year of college, but you never had the courage to confront him about your feelings. A new girl pushes you to admit to him finally what you both were waiting for.
You didn’t choose to be friends with Jeongguk, we just became friends. We met when we were young. He was a new freshmen in college and very active. You were the quiet girl who just wanted her degree in business so you could finally escape from my parents who constantly breathed down your neck. You had friends but none of them compared to Jeongguk. You became friends when the teacher had decided to partner you two up for a project.
“Hey, I’m Jeongguk”.
Those words will forever haunt you to the fact that you can never have him. He will always be the boy that you loved so deeply but could never have. Jeongguk was the light of your life, simple enough. He brought you favorite popcorn when you was feeling down, when you was on your periods,he would become the most patient man on earth.
He never complained when you would talk for hours on hours about the cute guys in your accounting class. He would smile at you and pat you on the head and say,
“You’re too good for them anyways. You’re too smart for them, all they understand is how to crunch numbers. You are both naturally blessed with looks and intelligence”
You would always blush at his compliments. People would call him awkward and silent with no emotion. He would compliment you with the straightest face. People didn’t know how to respond to him because they thought he was making fun of them. It was just that Jeongguk meant every word he said. He wanted you to know that he was honest and truthful.
Jeongguk never realized what you had felt for him. It wasn’t his fault. You never confessed to him because you didn’t think it was worth it. You had some boyfriends here and there, but none of them were serious because you were forever waiting on him. He didn’t know, he just thought you didn’t really love anyone of them. It wasn’t until your senior year of college where you finally gathered up the courage to admit to him what you have been feeling for the past four years.
“Hey, where were you at the party?” Jeongguk slid into the seat besides you in the library, He was decked out in his signature black stussy sweatshirt with some skinny jeans that seemed to make him ten times more attractive. He started to stroke your hair. Jeongguk had a thing with hair. Yours was mid length and dyed a soft light brown, you kept it soft for him. Because he liked it.
“I didn’t go. Jongsuk didn’t want to go so I stayed back with him to help him study” You turned towards him, away from your economics textbooks and placed your head in your hands.
“Ah, always helping the new student. You are just too nice Y/N,” Jeongguk quirked his head and smiled at you. He was just too cute. It was the time in between your classes. You were about to graduate, just one more semester to go and you were finally done with the education system.
“Nah, I’m not nice. I just felt pity for him because he didn’t know what we did in class”
Jeongguk started to pick at your pens and pencils, “You should have gone to the party. It was so much more exciting but some new incoming freshmen came and crashed it. But the best thing about it is I met someone.”
“You met a girl? Who? It’s been a while.”
You tried to mask the look of surprise on your face. Jeongguk hasn’t dated any girls in a while. He had dated a girl named Wendy a while back ago but he broke up with her because he didn’t think they had fit together. Jeongguk was a true romantic, he loved to hold hands and spend hours reading at a cafe with his girlfriend. That’s what you loved about him, he loved the simple things. He had said Wendy was an amazing girl but he just didn’t think they were good together. When he was dating Wendy, you had to deal with in love Jeongguk, he was gone.
When Jeongguk had a new girlfriend, he would disappear from your life. He would put all his attention and love into the new girl and it would be like you never existed.He wasn’t ignoring you on purpose, he just wanted to spend time with girlfriend. This really hurt you. You felt like you were a throwaway, only needed when he was free of a romantic partner. People knew you guys were best friends, they knew that you guys had perfect chemistry. They didn’t understand why Jeongguk didn’t make a move. Many guys have tried but you wanted to wait for him. You had boyfriends but they never made it to your heart. You dabbled in romance when Jeongguk had a new girlfriend. You felt lonely and wanted some attention, the attention that Jeongguk was not giving you.
Jeongguk had a little smile on his face and he shyly looked down, “She’s a sophomore. She loves to dance and she’s really talented at the violin. I met her at the party and we just hit it off. I think I really like her. I know we just met but I feel like we connect so well.” He had the starry look in his eyes, the kind he gets when he talks about Overwatch and Justin Bieber.
You stopped fiddling with your pen and looked at him, “Wow, I guess it’s time for you to move onto the next girl. What happened to your promise of waiting till you graduated?” You tried to mask the hurt in your voice. Jeongguk had a real chance of falling in love with someone that wasn’t you.
“I was, but man Jennie is a work of art. I never met anyone like her, she brings out sides of me that I never knew existed. We had talked about random things but it was the most interesting conversation I ever had. She’s so beautiful,”Jeongguk swiveled in his chair, his body opposite of what it should have been if he was sitting. He leaned back against the desk, and brushed his hand through his hair. His hair was a startling black color. He never dyed it because he thought that it would make him seem more like a girl.
You knew who Jennie was. She was a transfer student from Gwangju. You guys had some mutual friends, you never formally met her. It was an understatement to say that she was an amazing and one of a kind. Jennie made guy friends after guy friends, she never dated anyone since she had transferred this year. She was an up and coming dancer in our dance team. Hoseok, the dance captain and your closest friend after Jeongguk and Jisoo, had complimented her on her fluidity and techniques. He had also said that she was pretty but not his type. Hoseok had a specific type, he liked the smart and caring ones. It wasn’t that Jennie wasn’t smart or caring, it was because he thought that Jennie was a little superficial. Apparently Jeongguk didn’t think the same.
“Oh. Good for you” You didn’t know what to say. Your heart was slowly tearing at itself. Why couldn’t Jeongguk look at you and think of you like he did with Jennie? What made you so unappealing to him. You guys have been friends for four years, and never did he once show a sign that he was attractive to you in the point of more than friends. You would flirt with him but he would just smile at you and go back to what he was doing. It wasn’t like you didn’t try. You didn’t know how to approach him with the topic that you wanted to be more than friends.
Jeongguk turned his head towards you, “It isn’t great? I’m taking her out on a date later. I need advice on what to wear. So get out of the library and let’s get back to the apartment and plan what to wear.” It was also quaint that you guys were roommates because you wanted to get out of the dorms and finally get a place of your own but you were too poor to afford it yourself.
You found yourself being dragged out of the library, his hands linked in between yours, with your things haphazardly shoved into your open tote bag and onto the streets. Jeongguk happily took the lead to the short walk to your apartment complex. He seemed to be bouncing on the soles of his feet. His hands still linked with yours. It was normal for you two to hold hands. He had started this habit because you always got lost in crowds when you guys hit Myeongdong for shopping. You felt like he does it now because he liked to torture you with a little sliver of a romantic relationship with him.
“Hurry up, the date starts in an hour”, Jeongguk basically shoved you up the stairs in barely contained excitement and into his room. You didn’t want to help him with his date. In fact you wanted to give him a reason to cancel the date, you. But he would never do that because he didn’t like you. You had to be his friend and just his friend.
He started to pilfer through his closest that was ironically filled with white t shirts.
“I guess I would go with casual but a little dressed up,” you pushed him aside because he was actually hopeless. Your chest hurt every time you touched the clothes hangers that held his clothes. You chose a white button down with a mandarin collar with some jeans. He would look great. This was going to be a long night of you eating ice cream and watching some movies to pass the empty time. Why does Jennie have to exist?
“You are the Sun to my Earth. Thank you so much. This is why I still need my mother and you, of course.” Jeongguk quickly grabbed his clothes and rushed into the conjoining bathroom.
You plop down on his bed. His room wasn’t especially big but it wasn’t small. You had an identical room, with connected bathrooms. You looked up onto the ceiling and saw stars. Jeongguk always love what stars represented. To him, stars represented hope and ambition. He saw them as the push to his success.
Jeongguk slammed the door open, all dressed in his outfit ready for his date, “Is this alright?” as he fixed his collar. He looked so handsome and so Jennie’s.
You motioned for him to come over to the bed and you sat up. He stood right in front of you, still fixing his clothes. You laughed at him, he had skipped a button,
“Aish you dummy, you missed a button, no one it looks weird,” You went in to fix it, your nimble fingers skipped over the soft material. It would be so nice to just push him onto the bed and snuggle. He stared down at you as you slowly fixed his error. You looked up at him, into his starry eyes. He sent you a smile and continued to stare.
The tension in the room began to heat up. Your eyes seem to drill holes in one others. Your fingers stopped it’s administrations. You opened your mouth to say something.