we can't even be enemies i cannot have such negativity in my life

anonymous asked:

I loved sns since I started reading Naruto, but with time it just become so shallow and abusive, and now sometimes I just get sad, because I fell in love with them when I was about 13, you know? Sorry, it's kinda stupid :) For some reason I just can't imagine them becoming a healthy couple, and all fics i've read make it so OOC like it's different characters :(( What I wanted to ask is - who iyo would actually make a healthiest couple with them in canon? (also, sorry for my bad english :))

Their relationship isn’t abusive, nor is it shallow. You didn’t give me any argument as to why you came to such a conclusion, but nonetheless, I will explain now why I vehemently disagree with the notion of them being in an abusive relationship.

I do not deny that Naruto and Sasuke can, at times, appear to exhibit abusive traits. However, behaving a certain way under specific and extraordinary circumstances doesn’t actually say anything about how one would behave in everyday life. In psychology, it’s extremely important to take the context into consideration by looking at the circumstances present at the time of the behaviour taking place. If a person was rude to you, was it because they are simply rude by nature, or because of something that caused them to respond in a rude manner? To make a logical and sufficient determination, you need to look at the context.

Since we do know a little bit about how Naruto and Sasuke interact under normal circumstances, we cannot reasonably infer that their relationship is of abusive nature. I’ll return to this point later.

When we talk about an abusive relationship, we are referring to domestic violence, which is a pattern of behaviour that involves emotional and/or physical violence by one person against another in a domestic setting. This often starts with threats, name-calling, and slamming doors or breaking dishes, and it can build up to pushing, slapping, and other violent acts. The following occurrences are a sign of domestic violence:

  • Embarrassing one with put-downs.
  • Looking or acting in a way that scares one.
  • Controlling what one does, whom one sees, or where one goes.
  • Stopping one from seeing friends and family members.
  • Taking one’s money, making one ask for money, or refusing to give one money.
  • Making all of one’s decisions.
  • Threatening to take away or hurt one’s kid(s).  
  • Threatening to commit suicide.
  • Preventing one from working or going to school.
  • Acting like the abuse is no big deal, or that it’s one’s fault, or even denying it.
  • Destroying one’s property, or threatening to kill one’s pet(s).
  • Intimidating one with guns, knives, or other weapons.
  • Shoving, slapping, choking, or hitting one.
  • Threatening to kill one.

In any case, this is a repeated pattern of behaviour in a domestic setting. In order to be in an abusive relationship, you have to have evidence of suffering or inflicting repeatedly emotional and/or physical pain in a domestic setting such as in a marriage, or a cohabitation. So if you cannot demonstrate that Naruto and Sasuke inflict repeatedly emotional and/or physical pain to one another in a domestic setting, you cannot suggest they are in an abusive relationship. Period.

  • But what is abuse?

Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of an entity, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms. As physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices; crimes, or other types of aggression.

The aim of abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner, you have nothing. Abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. They may make you believe that you are the only person who can help them, that things will be different this time, and that they truly love you.

This is the cycle of abuse, developed in 1979 by Lenore E. Walker to explain patterns of behaviour in an abusive relationship. The cycle above will usually repeat until the conflict is stopped. Now, let’s bring Naruto and Sasuke back into the discussion. We do not have any canonical evidence of what an intimate permanent relationship between the both would look like in a domestic setting under normal circumstances, which means that it cannot be proven that they’re in an abusive relationship in the series.

As a matter of fact, there is canonical more evidence that goes against it. (1) They are on an equal playing field and thusly enemies, (2) hardly any of the signs fit into their relationship, (3) they don’t aim to chip away feelings of self-worth and independence in order to gain control in the long-term, (4) the violence exclusively takes place under extraordinary circumstances, (5) and there is no evident cycle of abuse.

Naruto clearly and demonstrably values the concept of justice to protect his friends, aiming to become Hokage and being morally preoccupied with the shinobi systems’ rules, whilst Sasuke arguably needs to have his revenge. Their relationship is somehow messed up, but it is not abusive. Having said that, the general practice of pouring through DSM diagnoses to label people is simply ignorant and enforces stigmas and stereotypes. Psychology is much more multi-layered and complex than what you read in psychoanalytical literature and in mental health criteria.

As for your actual question, I do not think there is any other partner that suits them better. Also, I don’t get why people often assume shipping an abusive couple is negative. It’s not—as long as you are aware of its abusive nature. I hope I could answer your question, though.