we are space aliens

Aliens are so used to humans wanting to pet the most deadliest creatures they find because PUPPER that they have prepared on every ship with a human crewmate. They have human sitting duties and at least 2 chaperones when going planet-side, just in case they get any ideas.

Then a crew gets a human for the first time and it’s everything like what the Human Care Manual says. The human is loud, but pleasant, always joke around with the crew and was tremendous during that Flokkut Raid on Sector 6. The human even brought a camera with it to take pictures on the ship (it’s bigger than most, downright obnoxious in shape to some of the crew, but the human is happy with it, and a happy human is a bonded human)

So then they go down to a planet, letting the human explore with his chaperones. After walking for a while the group stumbles on a herd of Dwetts, elks with fish eyes and flippers. The aliens sigh cause it was bound to see creatures sooner or later, and turn to give Acceptable Reason #6 from the manual, when the human disappeared! They freak out because how did the human leave??? Does it have invisibility??? That wasn’t part of the manual!! But they hear their human saying “guys, stop moving! You’re going to upset them!”

They look down to see the human lying on his stomach looking through his camera, taking pictures. They were shocked, but did as they were told and sat down. For hours they watched the human taking photos, being as quiet as still as possible. This couldn’t be the same human??

When the human was done, it got up, stretched, and headed back for the ship. The chaperones followed suit. When they got back the captain was surprised that they returned without a creature (even with 2 chaperones, he suspected that the human would win anyway) but was astonished to hear what had happened.

“You didn’t want to take one as these ‘pets’ for the ship??”

“No???? Why would I? They aren’t domesticated, they need space to live which the ship wouldn’t supply.”

“But aren’t they cute in human terms?”

“I mean, I would say more interesting than cute. But seriously, how would we take care of it? How to feed it, groom it, keep away from all the sensitive equipment? It would be dangerous for us and it if we take one from the wild. You really want one that badly?”

“Wha- No! It’s just…you seemed to like them?”

“I mean yeah, it’s a new animal species, and I did take pictures, but not as long as I hoped for. Honestly you have to look at the ecosystem here before getting any animals on board.”

The captain immediately notified the Human Care Committee that their section on animal bonding does not apply to human subclass professional wildlife photographer

shiro and matt at the garrison

now that we know matt and shiro graduated together, i bet they were the local meme legends of the garrison 

  • matt and shiro used to walk past iverson and give a salute, then run into a hallway, swap some clothing, and walk past him again to confuse him
  • for a year, matt convinced everyone, including his teachers, that he didn’t know how to read
    • “mr holt, please tell us how to solve the equation”
    • matt, on the verge of tears: “sir, you know I can’t read that. I’ve told you plenty of times before”
    • shiro in the background laughing silently while tears stream down his face
  • everyone thought there was a ghost in the garrison but it was just takashi shirogane and matt holt stealing food from the cafeteria at 3am, wrapped in bedsheets to hide their identity
  • matt taking off his glasses: “wow shiro you look so much better now”
    • shiro: “you can’t see shit, can you?”
    • matt: “just a blur, this is definitely an improvement” 
  • every time matt got a high score after a flight simulation, shiro would, without fail, say “mamma mia that’s a spicy meatball”
  • “sorry, commander iverson, shiro is sick and can’t come to class today. he’s got a bad case of updog” “what’s updog”
    • matt with tears in his eyes: “wELL-”
  • matt would inscribe random words onto every available surface. one day shiro almost passed out from laughter because he was in the library, getting a book, and on the shelf in tiny handwriting it just said ‘celery’
  • shiro: “if we ever meet aliens in space i’m telling them your name is poot” 
  • matt used to point at every unflattering image in his textbook and say “look shiro, it’s you” 
  • years after they graduate, lance finds in his textbook the phrase ‘look on page 57′ and on page 57 it just says ‘you are a fool for looking, signed, matt holt’
  • teacher!shiro: “and kids, that’s why you shouldn’t throw food at each other in the cafeteria. a boy in my grade used to do it. used to.” matt voice: “quit telling everyone i’m dead!”

You know how sometimes we make meme and social media references in real life?

The aliens certainly didn’t.

The captain had no idea what to expect from his decision to bring a second human aboard the ship. His only guidance in the matter had been the rather unhelpful suggestion to acquire one already pack-bonded with Human-Megan. Unfortunately, given human nature, this could apply to any number of humans, and attempting to ask Human-Megan herself for an organized list of them all proved useless. (He had been immediately accused of being a “stalker”.)

However, he did eventually become aware of a certain human who had been a “sister from another mister” for most of Human-Megan’s life. Upon inquiring about this new human, he was met with enthusiastic approval, mostly in the form of the repeated, painfully high-pitched word “yes”.

And so Human-Lynn was brought aboard.

At first, the crew were presented with nothing they were unfamiliar with. There had been a temporary scare upon first viewing Human-Lynn, due to the vibrant and multicolored crop of hair she bore. However, Human-Lynn had quickly ended their confusion by explaining the concept of hair dye, which, although it had left a few crewmembers nauseous, was understandable for human standards.

In addition, Human-Lynn was considerably less emotional, or so it seemed. Upon encountering disagreements with the crew, she would begin laying down insults in an almost offhand manner, and nothing seemed to cause her to be visibly furious. However, Human-Megan had assured them that she was simply “sassy” and “sarcastic” in nature, and that when she began to insult them in such a calm manner, she was indeed furious (although it was difficult to imagine that a being could be simultaneously calm and furious).

But then came the strange, and often illogical, conversations that often ensued between Human-Lynn and Human-Megan.

For instance, there was their first passage through a nebula since Human-Lynn’s arrival. Human-Megan, although she had borne witness to nebulae before, looked on in wonder almost identical to Human-Lynn’s. Both were seemingly rendered immobile, mouths slightly agape.

“Gorgeous.”

“Yeah,” Human-Megan affirmed.

“What’s the…how does this even…” After a moment of failed articulation, Human-Lynn let out a deep sigh. “Science side of Tumblr?”

“Space dust do the glow-glow,” Human-Megan responded almost seamlessly.

“Thank you, science side of Tumblr.”

Several more occurrences of seemingly cryptic conversations where yet to come. Occasionally, the two would make eye contact and mutter “same” for seemingly no reason at all, and once during the first meal rotation Human-Lynn had stood and bellowed, “AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!” much to the surprise and momentary panic of her fellow crewmembers.

At last, a member of the cultural research department approached the two during their third meal rotation and inquired about the nature of their seemingly meaningless conversations. It was his duty, after all, to collect data regarding new species, especially in regards to behavior.

He was met with general laughter, a sound still rather jarring to hear without appropriate warning.

“Holy…crap,” Human-Lynn breathed, wiping a tear from her eye as she shook with laughter. “An alien…wants to know…about memes. I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Memes…?”

“Yeah,” Human-Megan affirmed. “They’re like…I don’t know…references to popular culture on Earth? They’re usually pretty stupid, and either considered hilarious or grounds to murder someone because they’re that stupid.”

“Grounds to…murder someone?!”

“Not literally, dude. We’ve discussed this. Not literally.”

“There’s a lot of memes,” Human-Lynn continued in her friend’s place. “Spongebob is a few…oh, there’s the dog in the burning house. You know, the ‘this is fine’ meme?”

“Yeah, and Moon-Moon, and 'you shall not pass’–”

“John Cena–”

“Screw you, I hate John Cena–”

“These are not the droids you’re looking for, that one’s a classic–”

“And then there’s some that aren’t really memes, they’re more like Tumblr legends. Like the science side of Tumblr, and John Green, and Superwholock. But Lynn and I like to use those in real life because we’re weird.”

The researcher nodded, a gesture he had it adopted from the humans he studied, although the concepts they were referring to were far beyond his understanding. Perhaps this was one of those cases where you had to simply let humans be humans, regardless of how strange it was.

“I believe I have heard of these…memes,” he mused after a moment. “So…what is Rickrolling?”

Immediately the grins dropped from the humans’ faces.

“We don’t talk about Rickrolling,” hissed Human-Megan. “We never–EVER–discuss–Rickrolling.”

“Understood.”

So culture is fluid and changing, so why can’t we see humans adapting to alien culture? We already emmulate others, if not blend it to our traditions, so there should be a mix of alien/human traditions. Humans dress in the style of alien dress because it looks good. Humans adopting alien slang or creative new slang based on alien words. Or learning alien games and try to teach it to other humans. Or learning about alien food, then blend it with human cooking styles (Lomo saltado is Peruvian food cooked Chinese style so it happens) or just really studying alien culture and teaching it to people at home. Not for any academic reason, but because they are super interested. Like when you want to travel to your dream place you study every little bit about, or those culture clubs in schools. Aliens could be flattered, or confused, because Humans who can adapt to any place chose to adapt to their planet.

Another Humans are Wierd thing

We literally get together to chew.
We consider it socially beneficial to participate in chewing together. It has been a frequent topic of scientific investigation and is suggested that it not only help us form bonds but can increase our intellectual success? In fact, we like getting together and chewing so much we consider it an important, romantic, and high form of friendship and courting? Like going out on a date is taking someone to go chew some nice food with you.
Why is this so important to us? Why is it socially acceptable, and beneficial even, to sit together in groups, large or small, and chew?
Would other species consider it rude, disgusting even, to eat, chew, or take in necessary living substances in whichever way they do, in the company of others?

Alien: ugh, how can your species suffer the immense noises you make?
Human: we don’t really think about it, it’s more of like a ‘communal chewing’ thing which nobody really cares about
Alien: but isn’t it…rude?
Human: What? No, only if you do it with your mouth open.
Alien: but…you must open your mouth to eat, mustn’t you?
Human: Well, yeah, but-
Alien: Then is not eating in front of others rude?
Human: No, no! We’re encouraged to do it!
Alien: but you just said-
Human: I know, but it’s a popular form of social activity! People are more likely to come along to things if there’s food. You know, it’s the only way I could ever convince my friend to come out with me hahah
Alien:…

Also if like, for one species it’s actually similar to torture to be forced to consume things in front of or with others, so they make their humans a huge feast and they all have to eat it together, assuming they would be horrified, but then…
*dead silence*
EveryONE IN THE ROOM TEARS INTO THE FOOD WITH RECKLESS ABANDON. THE ALIENS LOOK ON WITH HORROR.

It gets worse when a food fight ensues.

Humans are so strange

And when I say this I’m thinking along the lines of how we sometimes do things for no reason.

Let’s face it, we do things and when someone asks why the answer is always “I dunno… I wanted to?”

For instance: my friends and I would yell, like someone would randomly start ‘aaaaahhh’-ing and it would progress to the point of screaming, just cause.

Another one is the whole 'MINE!’ thing from finding nemo. Any human hearing this will start chanting 'mine’ over and over again to the point of annoying, not only themselves, but everyone else as well.

Just imagine aliens seeing this. What would the aliens think of these 'fearsome’ Terrans chanting or screaming for no reason. Is it a ritual??? A human thing??? Do we do this too??? We just don’t know??? Like??? Why, human??? Why???

Humans are Weird - But we don’t know it

So I was listening to human by christina perri and you know all the ‘i’m only human’ stuff? Well, that song is literally how we picture ourselves.

We think ourselves the default, because we’re the only species like us. We make elves, vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural creatures that we think are better than us and think ourselves lower than them.

Now, think about aliens finding out about that. Like, we go into space, expecting these creatures so much “better” than us, and we’re surprised because we’re the only ones like us, and according to the aliens, we’re betting than them.

And that just confuses us. We had this picture, and our first step with aliens it shatters.

Imagine aliens figuring out that we think ourselves the default for intelligent life and expecting so much better stuff in space. And them just going into their version of shock. Because they always thought they were the best the universe could come up with, until they met the humans.

And it turns out they think so lowly of themselves, think they couldn’t be the best in the universe.

Because why would we be?

(please expand on this is you want to!)

·  ⋆   *   ✦ +      . ·  ✵        .   * .  ✫    .  *  .    *  ✺  ˚ ✷    *     . *   ✷     * ˚   ✵ *   ✵ .  ✫  .  *  .  +   ✫  *  ⋆  Harry Styles ·  ⋆   *   ✦ +      . ·  ·   ✷   ✵ .  ✫  .      *  .    *  ✺  ˚ ✷        *    ✷     * ˚   ✵      .  ✫  .  * + .    *

(Un)lucky Numbers

Humans are weird right? We have weird diets, we don’t know how to let the environment kill us, and we believe the oddest things. Like a day can be unlucky because of a number, or saying something makes it more likely to happen, or certain things bring bad luck. I just don’t see some of these things passing as we go into space.


Alien: Human friend, why have you locked yourself in your room?

Human: Because it’s Friday the 13th.

Alien: What does that have to do with anything?

Human: Bad luck, something always happens. I’m just going to sleep, see you tomorrow.

Alien: I… okay? *walks away perturbed and confused*

Alien: Human friend, have you made contact with your, ah, “Parents” recently?

Human: Shhhhh, don’t say it.

Alien: Say… what?

Human: Nothing, just… nothing.

Alien: … Do you mean, refer to your “pa-”

Human: DON’T MENTION THEM!!

Alien: But… why?

Human: They’ll call and then I have to deal with them and explain why I ran away to another space ship.

*comm rings*

Human: I’M NOT HERE!

Humans are Weird - EVB

Aliens finally visit the death-world itself only to discover humans are about to encourage a Galaxy-wide tourist boom.
__________________

Earth was off-limits.

For all the many worlds and species found within and between them, this was a line held by all. Earth, and the humans that called it home, was just too dangerous and unpredictable.

It didn’t stop the humans from spreading though. They found their way onto ships and spaceports. Treaties, codes of conduct, and guidebooks followed in their wake to help the civilizations they encountered to cope with their presence. In time, most came to view their oddities an acceptable trade-off to their durability, flexibility, and overall tenaciousness.  All races could agree that humans were an asset to their ships and crew.

But Earth itself was still off-limits.

Oh, it wasn’t for lack of trying on the humans’ part. They were perpetually inviting their ship-mates to come to their home-world. Most often to indulge in one of the numerous and varied ‘holidays’ that most non-terrains gave up on trying to make sense of long ago.

For most intelligent and civilized species, humans themselves were enough proof that no one should set foot, tentacle, or exoskeleton on the planet known as Earth. However, as with all reasonably agreed upon ideas, someone was bound to cross the line.

It started simply enough. A new ruler from the Tralnex nebula, seeking to solidify their own position, and gain some interstellar bragging points, requested a visit. The Tralnexian was welcomed with open arms and treated to the very best of all that Earth had to offer in lavish locations, cultural experiences, and exquisite cuisine. Holo-ads of the trip could soon be seen everywhere, all proudly sponsored by the Earth Visitation Bureau. It was the scandal of the century.

While normally such flamboyant occurrences tended to burn themselves out, there was soon a noticeable shift in inter-species relations. Humans were requesting in droves to serve on Tralnexian ships. Often declining more prestigious opportunities to wait for a position to become available on the most humble Tralnex freighter.

Finally a Scrayackien captain, desperate to sign at least one human onto his crew before traveling through a particularly precarious pirate-infested galaxy asked. “What is it with you humans and your sudden fascination with the Tralnexians?”

The human just shrugged, waving a newly sealed work contract towards their new Tralnex crewmates. “They just seem more, I dunno…” the human smiled with an amused glint in their eye, “…down to earth.”

The EVB was inundated with requests within the hour.

how i saw april 3rd going tbh

Voltron fandom: stop spamming this Danny Phantom stuff on our precious Pidge’s birthday

Voltron fandom: *getting ready to fight for their pidgeon*

Dannypandom, seasoned by more than a decade of similar shit: *glances at Pidge, sees green armor, date of birth and age*

Danny Phandom: we’re adopting

Can we talk about about that last Sanvers scene a little bit more?  Because yes we talked about the sexual tension and Oh! My! God! it is out of this world. But can we talk about how respectful Maggie is ?

Let me explain :

Maggie is clearly  restraining herself from touching Alex (arm crossed…). Her body language screams her will to touch the woman she loves and almost lost. So why aren’t they all over each other already you might ask?

Well, they are at Alex’s work. Alex might be out to the people close to her, but probably not to the whole DEO? Why would they know about her relationship?  

And I get it, I totally get it. We’ve all wonder whether or not to be out in our place of work. We’ve all been scared of the consequences, the judgments, the changes… It is obviously not Maggie’s decision to make. So she waits. She waits for Alex to be ready. She waits for her to do the first move.

And Alex did the first move. And not just a simple move, she puts her arm around Maggie clearly and proudly showing her love.

So yes, this scene is shining in sexual tension, but the respect, the wait for Alex’s consent that Maggie have in this scene is what’s getting me emotional.

I think this scene mark a new step in their relationship. Let’s remember that outside of the missions, we’ve only seen them at Alex’s or at the alien bar (aka their “safe space”) but we never really saw them in public. And for the first time at the DEO, on those stairs, a place that everyone in the DEO can see, Alex comes out and show to her whole world that Maggie Sawyer is hers.

So yes we can complain about how short and rushed the Sanvers scenes are, but the evolution of their relationship is so slow, intense and healthy, it is giving me life.

yo i love those posts about how aliens view humans or the ones about how humans are scary space orcs so here’s one

imagine if we found aliens but they just? have absolutely no sense of collectivism nor groupthink/mob mentality. they are a race of total individuals, there isn’t anything like “collaboration,” warfare is guerrilla strikes of individuals or small bands, there’s no real government because acting as a unit just ISN’T A THING.

so when humans visit this planet they freak the hell out because how are they so organized? why do they stick together? how do they get so much DONE

and the absolute scariest, most incredible thing about human culture to them is not war or our inventions or culture nor our incredible physiology. no.

it’s fuckin marching bands.

a HUNDRED people all dressed in the SAME OUTFIT, marching in time to a single beat, organized in a grid, playing musical instruments in a certain time measure so that all the instruments work together to form a cohesive whole song, and sometimes they all YELL at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME…

this scares the absolute shit out of the whole race and NOBODY CAN HANDLE IT