we are detective

This is book!universe Dirk seeing 2016!universe Dirk for the first time

These are my suggestions for what came before ‘thinner’ in book!universe’s mind:

  • Gayer
  • More suited to American audiences
  • Less of a cock
  • More of a cock
  • More likely to bang his assistant
  • More likely to be banged by his assistant
  • Less likely to hypnotise his assistant to jump into the canal
  • Got more pyjamas
  • More like an actual human puppy

Any more for any more?

  • Shitty: I love the term "partners".
  • Shitty: Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Do we run a legal firm? Are we cowboys?
  • Shitty: Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit?
  • Jack: Why are you making me suffer?

other solar systems are always so weird. like oh sure this star has five planets inside the orbit of mercury. thats cool. one of them has a year that’s a day and a half long.

like back in the ancient days of 1997 when there were only 13 known extrasolar planets, the question of “is our solar system like most solar systems?” was impossible to answer, since we could only really detect 1. gas giants 2. circling very close to their star, and of those only a tiny fraction of them, so while that’s very weird compared to our solar system (imagine jupiter orbiting at the same distance as earth) it wasn’t really clear if that was common or unusual or what

as data has come in about other solar systems it turns out our solar system is real weird.

here’s HD 10180:

The system contains five planets with minimum masses from 12 to 25 times Earth’s (comparable to the mass of Uranus and Neptune) at orbital radii of 0.06, 0.13, 0.27, 0.49 and 1.42 AU just short of that of Mars.

HR 8832 has five planets at 0.04, 0.06, 0.15, 0.23, and 0.37 AU (and then two more at 2.56 and 3.11 AU)

the new one, TRAPPIST-1, has all seven found planets under 0.63 AU – easily within the orbit of venus.

Kepler-90 is in a lot of ways a ‘mini solar system’, in that it has rocky planets first followed by gas giants, and the final gas giant is 1. a little bigger than jupiter (1.2 mJ) and 2. orbiting a fraction further out than earth (1.01 AU)

HD 40307 has six planets, all of which rotate inside earth orbit and all of which are between two and ten times the size of earth

so basically the trend you should be noting here is it seems like as far as we can tell most solar systems are extremely tightly packed around their star, compared to what we’re used to. (sometimes the star is dimmer or smaller than Sol and thus the habitable zone is much closer; that’s the case of TRAPPIST-1.) PLUS a lot of these planets are tidally locked, i think as a factor of how close their orbit is, which… probably means bad things for habitability. mercury is tidally locked and its temperature ranges from -170c to 430c. so.

my understanding is that a jupiter-sized planet orbiting allll the way out at 5 AU is super uncommon, and that sol/jupiter interactions early in the formation of the system pulled the inner planets “outward” by a bunch, which pulled them into our star’s habitable zone and kept them from getting tidally locked to the sun. jupiter (and saturn, and all the rest of the gas giants really) end up eating up a lot of rogue comets, too, so that only a fraction of them make their way all the way into the inner solar system. so a large part of earth being habitable has to do with large-scale factors of the solar system that seem to be pretty uncommon

(alternately it could just be that our detection methods don’t work on more distant planets, which is possible but i haven’t looked into, so who knows)

anyway our solar system looks to be in a lot of ways uniquely well-suited to life in the universe which is why it’s kind of a pity we’re all probably gonna die from global warming in the next few decades-to-centuries, okay, bye.

A Black man who does nothing but love and support you? Nah.

A white woman who does nothing but love and support you (AND COVER YOUR OFFICE WITH FLOWERS HONESTLY LENA WHAT KIND OF GAY SHIT)? Nah.

Arrogant white dudebro that treats you and the rest of the world pretty damn terribly? Sure.


(PSA: it’s okay to have more than one interracial couple in a show. It’s okay to have more than one queer couple in a show. In fact, it’s HIGHLY ENCOURAGED.)


Mistakes were made. And worse is that you failed to keep the subjects contained and recover them after the initial breach. Now we have potentially dangerous individuals at large. Over 30 of them

And currently we only have budget to surveil one

remember that mark gatiss quote that went something like ‘’the day we have a detective show about a guy who solves crimes for an hour, then goes home where his husband is waiting for him, is the day we’ve achieved something’’. MARK MY GUY YOU LITERALLY HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THIS EXACTLY AND YOU JUST DIDN’T? 

If y'all receipt blogs worked as detectives we wouldn’t have any missing persons cases or unsolved murders so why the fuck are you all dedicated to targeting a fifteen year old from Cincinnati who shipped Gregpearl or some shit

  • Shirou: Saber, are you all right??
  • Saber: Yes, thank you, I'm fine.
  • Lemony Snicket from outta nowhere: Of course, in this case, 'fine' is only meant to reassure. She has never been less fine, nor was she ever fine in the first place. Here, the word 'fine' could be defined as 'I am actually slowly dying on the inside, but don't wish for anyone to worry.'