we all know you're just there to eat

OMGCP characters as things my mom has said to me
  • Bitty: It's 3:30 in the morning and you have a sociology report due tomorrow why are you making a cheesecake
  • Jack: Hey could you step away from your hyperfixation for a second and look at this shirt design?
  • Ransom: [as im huddled in a ball under my bed] Is this because of school, the future, moving out, or all of the above?
  • Holster: I'm banning Moana songs from this house and it's all your fault
  • Lardo: If you don't stop drawing on your arms ill tape your fingers together
  • Shitty: WE GET IT, YOU'RE LIBERAL, JUST LET US EAT DINNER IN PEACE FOR ONCE
  • Dex: Did you...did you kick the dishwasher and then fix it BETTER than before you broke it?? ((note: this was a total accident))
  • Nursey: You look like a lesbian hipster in a portland vegan bakery
  • Chowder: If you called me in here just too tell me how nice your friends are AGAIN i'm adopting you off
  • Whiskey: Stop pretending you're cool we all know you cried over the Homeward Bound movie
  • Tango: I'll answer all of your questions about technology back in my day in a second just please for the love of god let me take a bath
  • Ollie&Wicks: How long have you been in the house?? i haven't seen you in like 3 days
  • Ford: You'd be a great politician, you're good at ordering people around and have a face that makes people inherently trust you
  • Johnson: please stop making me think about if i'm real or not while i'm buying toilet paper
  • Kent: You're never gonna get a boyfriend, your only redeemable quality is that cats like you
  • NOTE - im very very gay and like girls a Lot but im still in the closet, which is why these seem so uncharacteristically Hetero™
Don't be an art thief please!

Hi guys! Recently I found a few Instagram accounts reposting my fanart from here (tumblr) without my permission, and if you guys know/see any Tumblr users that are obviously stealing (reposting/editing) my stuff please let me know, shoot me a message, because I can’t wait to block them forever!

anonymous asked:

so when you say 'because not feeling sexual attraction doesn’t mean not feeling sexual arousal' and 'sex is fun' - that's why nobody takes ace seriously. that's not a sexual orientation, is just having a low sex drive. some people love sex, for others it depends on the partners or moments, and others don't need it all that much. why do we need to label everything? just accept you're a normal person and move on.

OK.

first of all, I’m going to answer the issues you raised in good faith. I just want you to know that I’m not trying to convince you of anything, anon, I just want to put my perspective on these issues out there, since you’ve sent them my way.

yes, asexual people can feel sexual arousal. I’d like to refer you back to the analogy I gave in my original post about being ace - the one where you’re hungry, but can’t find anything you want to eat. wanting to eat something and being hungry for it are different experiences, right? sometimes it’s the other way round, and you really want to eat something even though you aren’t hungry at all (see: me at the end of a meal, considering getting a dessert). arousal and attraction are as different as that. linked, but not the same.

and yes, sex can be fun for an asexual person. is it fun in the same way as it is for an allosexual person? no, of course not. having sex with someone you’re not attracted to isn’t the same as having sex with someone you are attracted to - but it happens all the time, outside the ace community, too. straight friends of mine have experimented with girls, and then realised it’s not for them, they’re not attracted to girls - but they don’t regret their sexual experimentation, and found it fun. likewise, a biromantic lesbian acquaintance of mine is currently in a relationship with a guy. she’s not sexually attracted to him, but they have sex and she finds it fun because she loves him; she finds the relationship completely fulfilling. I feel that to define the fun one can have during sex purely by the level of attraction you feel to your partner isn’t taking into account the wide variety of factors that go into the experience; it’s too narrow a view.

as for why we choose to use a label - that “no need for labels” thing is old as the hills, anon. let me lay something out here. categorisation - i.e. the grouping of objects into a class, based on shared traits - is a fundamental tenet of western thought dating back to Plato and Aristotle (source), and it’s been put forward that our brains are literally wired to require the labelling and categorising of the things around us (source, source, for example). at the very least, we can all agree that when we see something we don’t understand, we feel uncomfortable. if you see a puddle of unidentifiable black goo on your floor/a strange shape flying through the sky/a loud sound in the middle of the night, likely the first question you will ask is “what is that?!”. your first instinct is to label, to understand through naming and categorising. you seek a word for it; from it, you seek to know good/bad, safe/unsafe, normal/abnormal.

and so to ask asexual people to exist without their label is asking us to cut ourselves off from one of the most basic aspects of our cultural philosophy, and is also asking us to live constantly and closely with something we would have no name for, something about our very bodies that we therefore couldn’t categorise. you want to make our own physicality an enigma to us. good or bad, safe or not safe, normal or abnormal - how do we decide, if we don’t know what we are? labels help us to group ourselves; when we group, we can make those decisions together. good or bad - well, together we can be good. safe or not safe - together, we can be safe. normal or abnormal - together, we can feel normal. what you’re demanding when you try to enforce a lack of label is a lack of visibility, a lack of community, a lack of safety, a lack of self-knowledge. in my opinion, that’s not OK.

you seem to think asexual people are trying to set themselves apart, or above, anon… you say that we should accept we’re “normal” like it’s an insult, a comedown. like we’re all snowflakes trying to make ourselves special. that hasn’t been my experience at all. almost every asexual person I’ve met has been frankly hungry for normality, sincerely wanting to feel at home and at ease and typical and among peers. it’s why we often group together like big flocks of ace penguins.

finally, at the end of this post that got a lot longer than I intended, I’d just like to point out that there are one or two people I know who do take asexuality seriously. just one or two.

BTS as Things My Friends Said/Did
  • Namjoon: *breaks something I had to fix a few minutes ago* *goes to get my superglue that is there solely because they break so much stuff*
  • Seokjin: *eats my entire kitchen* "Can we go out to dinner now?"
  • Yoongi: *sleeps vigorously*
  • Hoseok: "You know your friendship is good when there are rumors that you're gay."
  • Jimin: "Make sure you get the trophies in the background so they know I'm accomplished."
  • Taehyung: "I don't think dinosaurs would have dress codes, see the fingertip rule doesn't apply to them because they have short arms right? I can't wear a skirt but dinosaurs could just wear no pants at all."
  • Jungkook: *memes so hard they fall down*

anonymous asked:

Instead of the new album being called 'her' it should be called 'how' as in, How you gonna play us like that again bighit. Damn we just want to know what hyyh was about. Why Yoongi settin fire to shit? Why Jimin wasting water? What's going on with Tae and Joon? Why Jin gotta be different? And WAS HOBI JUST HUNGRY?!?! You're not you when you're hungry ~ eat a snickers... was this all a weird ad for chocolate coz I don't need much convincing to eat chocolate for real.

Omg 😂😂 honestly same though

Breakfast Gone Wrong Starters
  • "Are eggs supposed to bleed?"
  • "You are such a child. Stop making the banana into a dick."
  • "I know we've been having some issues, but buying sugar free syrup is going a bit too far."
  • "Will you stop letting your conquests stay overnight? We can't afford to keep feeding people!"
  • "Why is there puke on this plate-- Oh. Eggs."
  • "My pancake is black. Like, goth kid wardrobe black."
  • "How do you fuck up making a waffle?"
  • "I'm going to pretend you did not just say the words 'breakfast stew.'"
  • "I don't care if it tastes like Satan's balls, the kids made breakfast and you will eat it."
  • "Buy your own damn cereal and stop stealing mine!"
  • "Ah... Yeah, your pancake art looks... great. I think."
  • "You're not supposed to put hash in hash browns!"
  • "Your roommate just passed out in their cereal."
  • "Did someone piss in the coffee machine?!"
  • "I wouldn't call the milk chunky. More of a solid."
  • "I know I made a real mess last time, but listen, I kept the batter off the ceiling this time!"
  • "I'm pretty sure that smoothie is radioactive."
  • "Why would you even make this many pancakes?"
  • "All we have left are some crackers and beer. Eat up."
  • "One strip of bacon left--"
  • "Do you know how to get flaming toast out of the toaster?"
  • "I found you curled up in the shower trying to eat an omelet. That drunk."
  • "Tequila is not a part of a balanced breakfast!"
  • "Do they deliver pizza this early? Because I am not feeling it."
  • "You just-- You just poured ranch all over your eggs."
When life gets you down, just remind your terrific selves:

Cassie’s face, though.

Imagine: Dally finding out you're diabetic.

Originally posted by ponyboys-cake

Originally posted by iaminfiniteus

“I-I don’t know what happened! She was kinda shakey and just went down!”

Dally roughly shoved Ponyboy before Soda roughly grabbed him by the shoulders. 
“Hey now, I think we all need to simmer down. You don’t understand Dal.”


“Don’t gimme that shit. What’d you do kid?” He practically growled. 

“Dally!” She yelled weakly. “I’m diabetic. Sometimes I just can get… a little weak and shaky. I’m fine. Pony didn’t do anything. I fainted at track practice. I was running on empty cause I didn’t eat lunch. They brought me here. It was Pony’s idea to call you.” 

 “Why didn’t you tell me?” He sad sheepishly before softly stroking her hair. 

 “Dal, you’re so… protective. I didn’t want to give you an extra thing to worry about.” 

 “Don’t you worry about that. It’s my job. I love you, okay?  With or without Dia-whatever.”

anonymous asked:

Wait... you're the pinapple queen, we all know that... but did this all come from you drawing pineapple on the pizza ages and pages ago? Suddenly it just blew up with the pineapple stuff and I guess I just went with it... where did it start?

IT DID
It honestly
did
Like
I think
someone sent me an ask about not liking pineapple on pizza???
and so I went lololol
I’ll have Yuri and Victor eat pineapple on pizza
AND NOW IT HAS GOTTEN OUT OF CONTROL
OH GOD
WHAT HAVE I DONE?

easy company + flirting
  • luz: definitely either a movie quote or shitty pun that will get you laughing,, mainly to take your mind off of the war but as soon as he realises what he's said, he'll give you that smile that could cure cancer.
  • guarnere: his mama raised no fool so he will treat you with the utmost respect but obviously a little innuendo hurt nobody.
  • liebgott: he says something that's originally meant to be snarky,, probably along the lines of "i'm gonna punch you in the mouth.. softly.. with mine."
  • webster: now he would be the type to romance you, no doubt about it, but before all the initial romancing he would want to find out what makes you tick just so he can have an in depth discussion with you and listen to your every thought.
  • shifty: are you kidding me? this man could just shoot a smile your way and you would be a literal puddle.
  • toye: he loves his brass knuckles - we all know this - but this little shit would probably come up to you in the mess hall and say "my knuckles aren't the only things that are brass." and my god he will give you the biggest shit eating grin and wink at you like nobody else is in the room.
  • lipton: he's the mama hen so he's gotta look out for all his company but he'll stick his neck out for you the most and once the guys tell you what he's doing you'll go off because you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself but he'll just blush and apologise while confessing why he was mothering you most.
  • speirs: does he even know how ?? like maybe he'll be a little nicer to you than everyone else, not that you'd notice since nobody knows what speirs is like when he's nice. would probs offer you a smoke or something shiny if he's feeling up to having his affections being exposed.
  • perconte: shares all of his tips for having pearly whites and would let you in on where to get a hot bath even if all the buildings are blown up,, one day he'll come up to you and say "i like you more than i like good hygiene."
  • nixon: he'll offer you some of his alcohol and if you don't drink then, perfect, more for him but if you do then he would be more than willing to share.
  • winters: he's not a huge flirt,, really all he will do is pull you to the side away from the others and tell you what a great job you're doing and that easy are lucky to have you on board,, he'll also have a slight smile tugging at his lips - after he compliments you - that he tries to hide,, not from you but the rest of the company.
  • babe: he would (in the nicest way) turn into a bumbling idiot whenever he's around you and he'd get teased by all the guys since he would confide in guarnere and initially that isn't the best thing he could've done since whenever he tries to talk to you, one of the other guys will say something that gets him blushing so furiously his cheeks and hair are a perfect match.
  • roe: he's essentially the backbone of the company so he needs to pay attention to detail although, like lipton, he probably pays more attention to you than he needs to,, not that you mind since he gets you everything you need / haven't asked for / didn't even know you needed yet. got a cold? he'll hit you up with meds. a little chilly? here he comes with blankets.
  • buck: shit man this guy is shameless and doesn't have the time to waste on flirting so he just outright tells you that he likes you but makes sure he has eye contact because his eyes are so pretty that no one can resist them.
  • malarkey: you always offer him company after muck and penkala die because before he would always make sure to give you an extra hand whenever you needed it, he respected that you didn't need him there all the time but the two of you would often be found together helping the other with whatever punishment sobel had to bestow on you,, muck and penkala would notice that the two of you had a connection and would always give an excuse to leave the two of you alone together to which the both of you would roll your eyes at them.
  • muck: muck ?? flirt ??? mans doesn't need to,, he has two of the best wingmen on the planet to do all the work for him,, not that he would admit his actual feelings and what most of malarkey and penkala do is tease him endlessly in front of you but that suits him just fine to see the smile and slight blush on your face at whatever they have to say.
  • Harry: WE WOULD LIKE TO BUY ONE CHILD PLEASE.
  • Mrs. Cole: Wha-what?
  • Tom: YEAH, YA KNOW, TOO KEEP THIS ONE COMPANY.
  • (Delphini continues peacefully eating bread)
  • Mrs. Cole: I don't think you two understand how an orphanage works. You cant' just buy a child.
  • Harry: WHY STOP THERE? WHY NOT GRAB TWO?
  • Tom: YOU'RE RIGHT, HONEY. I MEAN, WHILE WE'RE OUT. HECK, THEY MIGHT EVEN GIVE US A DISCOUNT IF WE BUY 'EM IN BULK.
  • Mrs. Cole: I mean, this isn't even a real orphanage. All these kids have parents in the real world.
  • Harry: WE'LL TAKE A TWELVE PACK IF YOU HAVE IT.
  • Tom: WHY ONLY TWELVE? WHY NOT SHARE 'EM WITH ALL THE CHILDREN?
  • Mrs. Cole: ...you're not listening to me, I see that now.
  • Harry: MA'AM, WE WOULD LIKE TO BUY YOUR ORPHANAGE.
NateWantsToBattle Lyric Starters
  • (Rearrange, combine, edit as you want!)
  • "It takes forever when you go all about it wrong."
  • "These halls are lined with blood I can't have on my hands."
  • "These walls they seem to call my name."
  • "I refuse to be another puppet in your game."
  • "Your eyes are dead inside."
  • "Tonight I leave alive."
  • "I won't let you back in no more, no more."
  • "I'm sick of getting stuck in the same routine again."
  • "But I'll never ever be like you."
  • "I know what happened here, and you can't erase your past."
  • "I've done what I can to try to hide, but even you can tell who I really am inside."
  • "It's not my job to watch you."
  • "Maybe one day you'll find humanity."
  • "Don't you dare say that we are the same."
  • "I crave the light of day."
  • "It's driving me insane."
  • "We're back. Revamped."
  • "The madness never ends."
  • "We're not alone. This time we brought some friends."
  • "You keep coming back."
  • "But if this is what you want, then you can be just like us."
  • "You act like we're to blame."
  • "You wear a mask to hide yourself when really it makes us the same."
  • "A couple hours, but it's feeling like days."
  • "Now you're running out of power."
  • "We'll leave you mangled and winding away."
  • "Did you hear that?"
  • "There's banging in the walls."
  • “It’s been years since I’ve seen a face around here.”
  • “I was broken and alone in that hell I called my home.”
  • "You think you stand a chance to last against the ghosts of your past?"
  • "Finding me was your worst mistake."
  • "Now it's just you and me."
  • "You turn away? I'll be right beside you."
  • "You cut me off, but I'll always have another way to find you."
  • "Another night, but it doesn't get easy."
  • "Because you're stuck picking up all the pieces that they salvaged."
  • "No matter what the ending, you won't last the night."
  • "Now don't you panic. It'll all be over soon."
  • "You'll never be free!"
  • "You block me out all you want, but I hear the sound."
  • "I'll come back around."
  • "No happy ending will ever find you."
  • "All of these ghosts, they're from deep inside you."
  • "I found you."
  • "You've been asleep in your room."
  • "You can scream. You can shout. This'll all end soon."
  • "I'm your nightmare."
  • "I'm broken inside."
  • "I'll be the end of you."
  • "Just tell yourself that this is all in your head."
  • "I hear them running."
  • "They're banging at my door."
  • "It's gone for days and nights, but I can't take this anymore!"
  • "I hear them breathe."
  • "We hear you scream."
  • "They won't stop haunting me."
  • "They're right behind me."
  • "And I won't take this no more!"
  • "This can't be real. It's in my head."
  • "Give it up. You're better off dead."
  • "Some things are best forgotten."
  • "We're voices in your head."
  • "We're the monsters under your bed."
  • "Come take a closer look."
  • "We're all still your friends. Do you still believe that?"
  • "You say that this is over."
  • "I cannot pretend."
  • "I know that this can't be the end."
  • "It's bad enough I'm fading out, and still you torture me."
  • "Why can't you let me be? I just want to be set free!"
  • "Now this is the end."
  • "We can't promise you no more."
  • "You say you're sick of all your fears, but you keep coming back around here."
  • "Perhaps it's time for you to be one of us now."
  • "Now it's the finale, and you weren't ready."
  • "Don't cry. We're not so scary."
  • "Don't make a scene, and we'll end this quickly."
  • "Maybe you've just lost your mind."
  • "Now you've lost your time."
  • "We all know you're said and done."
  • "Now we're bringing it back, and the gang is on track."
  • "There's so many of us, and we're causing a fuss."
  • "We all know how the night will end."
  • "Now you're hiding yourself, but you know very well that it's making us one and the same."
  • "On strings you will dangle with only yourself to blame."
  • "There's not a thing you can do to stop us."
  • "I've forgotten what it's like for me to smell your fear."
  • "Am I driving you insane?"
  • "Am I eating at your brain?"
  • "Your heavy breathing and pain will end soon."
  • "You're picking up the pieces to the ghosts that will haunt you, too."
  • "There's no tomorrow for you no matter what they said."
  • "You know who you are."
  • "We know everything."
  • "You've come so far."
  • "Now you pull the strings."
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011 film) : Sentence Starters
  • "I'm not kissing you."
  • "Whatever happens tomorrow you must promise me one thing. "
  • "That you will stay who you are."
  • "I thought you were dead."
  • "I thought you were smaller."
  • "Is this a test?"
  • "I don't want to kill anyone."
  • "I don't like bullies; I don't care where they're from."
  • "What do you think?"
  • "Yes. I think it works."
  • "There's not gonna be a safe landing, but I can try and force it down."
  • "Right now I'm in the middle of nowhere."
  • "Do you want to kill Nazis?"
  • "Please don't do this."
  • "We can work it out."
  • "If I wait any longer a lot of people are gonna die."
  • "This is my choice."
  • "I'm gonna need a rain check on that dance."
  • "I'm here."
  • "I gotta put her in the water."
  • "(S)He'll know what to do."
  • "Eight o'clock on the dot. Don't you dare be late. Understood?"
  • "We'll have the band play something slow."
  • "I suppose that's the only question that matters."
  • "You will make us strong."
  • "(S)He has become convinced that there is a great power hidden in the earth, left here by the gods, waiting to be seized by a superior man/woman."
  • "The serum was not ready."
  • "Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone on Coney Island?"
  • "Yeah, and I threw up?"
  • "No matter what lies ________ told you, you see, I was his/her greatest success!"
  • "How do you feel?"
  • "You don't have one of those, do you?"
  • "I wasn't just THINKING about it. ________ is a clear choice."
  • "You put a needle in that kid's arm it's gonna go right through him/her."
  • "I am looking for qualities beyond the physical."
  • "This isn't payback, is it?"
  • "You don't win wars with niceness, doctor. You win wars with guts."
  • "________ told me you were insane."
  • "I know this neighborhood. I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot. And behind that diner."
  • "I joined the army."
  • "You've been asleep, ________. For almost 70 years."
  • "Look, I'm sorry about that little show back there, but we thought it best to break it to you slowly."
  • "GRENADE!"
  • "You can't give me orders!"
  • "You gonna be okay?"
  • "Break what?"
  • "Is this permanent?"
  • "I couldn't call my ride."
  • "You're late."
  • "Yeah. I knocked out Adolf Hitler over 200 times."
  • "The moment you think you know what's going on in a woman's head is the moment your goose is well and truly cooked."
  • "Wait. You know what you're doing?"
  • "Seems harmless enough. Hard to see what all the fuss is about."
  • "Shut it down!"
  • "Fondue is just cheese and bread, my friend."
  • "Sit down."
  • "It's probably too late to go to the bathroom, right?"
  • "We barely got out of there alive, and you want us to go back?"
  • "Well, that was easy."
  • "And they will, personally, escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of Hell."
  • "That was penicillin."
  • "I don't eat meat."
  • "Who are you supposed to be?"
  • "You'd be ineligible on your asthma alone."
  • "I can swim."
  • "I'm a great fan of your films!"
  • "You cannot control the power you hold."
  • "You will burn!"
  • "I'm doing it. I'm saving your life."
  • "I had some ideas about the uniform."
  • "I thought he'd be taller."
  • "Your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person."
  • "You could have the power of the gods!"
  • "Cut off one head, two more shall take its place."
  • "Hail Hydra."
  • "I have not come all this way for safety."
  • "If you have something to say, right now's a perfect time to keep it to yourself."
  • "I asked for an army and all I got was you."
  • "Yeah, I just... I had a date."

stuffoco  asked:

Hey do you know of any good books on food history? I'm super into your extensive knowledge on the subject. Did you just learn from reading stuff online or through like life experience or what? 😌 hope you're doing well!

Life experience mostly, my family was always involved in the food side of things, whether it was farming, green grocers, butchers or being cooks in large households for posh people. There was also a lot of book reading and anecdotes involved because my brain is just a sponge for all things history and how economy and social status changes what we eat and how we eat it. You can tell a lot about society based on current eating trends.

For a user friendly link I like to give to people writing historical fiction, this is really useful website and has informative resources to follow: http://www.foodtimeline.org/

Nothing irks me more when people write things about the “Victorian’s inventing ice cream”, but that’s just because I’m a big nerd and a stickler for detail.

  • Suga: Wipe your feet before you come in the gym!
  • Asahi: Listen to that. First thing out of his mouth, he's telling us what to do.
  • Daichi: Well, that stops today. We're not kids anymore.
  • Asahi: We go in strong.
  • Daichi: And we let him know he's done bossing us around.
  • Suga: Why are you here so early? Daichi, did you help Asahi with that bully that was harassing him?
  • Daichi: No, Suga. I was kicked out for punching a really misunderstood kid, thanks to you.
  • Suga: Thanks to me? What did-
  • Asahi: We've been talking.
  • Daichi: And you know what we realized? You tell us what to do all the time.
  • Asahi: We're not kids.
  • Suga: Ay, look at you two, standing up to the big, scary bully that loves you and protects you and wants you to be safe in this world.
  • Asahi: You're overprotective.
  • Daichi: And we're not gonna take it anymore.
  • Asahi: Yeah.
  • Suga: You know what? You're just tiny, little men to me right now. And you need to leave this place and come back later with more respect! And a pizza!
  • Asahi: [in a whisper, to Daichi] He seems very upset. What do we do now?
  • Daichi: [in a whisper, to Asahi] Well, we do need to eat.
  • Suga: What the hell are you whispering?
  • Asahi: We wouldn't mind some pizza, after all.
  • Daichi: But we're not getting any pineapple.
  • Suga: You are getting pineapple!
  • Daichi: We're taking it off our slices.
  • Suga: Don't waste any food, Daichi!
  • Daichi: [to Asahi] I think we made our point.
  • Asahi: Totally.
The Signs as Things I've Heard in my Fashion Class
  • Aries: What the fuck is an interfacing?!
  • Taurus: Is it done? Can we eat it yet??
  • Gemini: (Passive aggressively) I'm not sure if that would really work for the Barbie <:)
  • Cancer: You're so nice? Are you a Freshman?
  • Leo: I'm not crazy, give me my seam ripper.
  • Virgo: I'm here to help you, let me help.
  • Libra: I just wanna watch Bob Burgers and not do any work.
  • Scorpio: That's not my name, don't call me that.
  • Sagittarius: My sewing machine vibrates when I press on the thing really hard.
  • Capricorn: Yeah, I know what I'm doing. Thank you, I know. Thanks.
  • Aquarius: They ate all my apple muffins really quick and what else is there, honestly.
  • Pisces: We're gonna learn about floor plans. How to plan a floor. Floor planning. Oh yes.
Me off my Meds
  • Me: Okay, today I don't have to do anything or go anywhere and I don't want my body to get too used to my meds so I'm not going to take them.
  • My brain: Cool, cool I get it.
  • Me: Sweet, I'm just going to go and make myself some food.
  • My brain: Sweet! I love food! But, you need to feed the cats.
  • Me: I'm pretty sure I just did that.
  • My brain: No, no I don't think you did. Oh! But before you do that, refill the toilet paper in the toilets.
  • Me: Oh yeah! Shit okay.
  • My brain: But we're hungry!
  • Me: FML
  • My brain: Welcome to your ADHD brain, this isn't even my final form
  • *walks into my room with toilet paper. Stands in the middle of the room trying to remember what I was just about to do*
  • My brain: MUHAHAHAHA! Oooo! We should play video games AND txt your boyfriend memes AND eat all the things simultaneously.
  • Me: brain, you're a genius
  • My brain: Baby, I know it 😎
A Thanksgiving Mess
  • Jaebum: We are gather here today to give thanks for being successful Kpop idol groups.
  • Sehun: Even though, some are some successful than others *coughs, coughs*
  • Jaebum: and some can still keep their members *coughs, coughs*
  • Jinyoung: JB, just sit down and eat your food
  • Jackson: *eats* Why is this mac and cheese dry?
  • Mark: because your side bitch, Namjoon made it or was it Jooheon? Maybe, it was BamBam. It's so hard to keep track when you're a hoe
  • Monsta X arrives: we're here, sorry we're late
  • Suga: not as late as your first win
  • Kihyun: or your boyfriend when he's by your leader's house
  • Jin: Can we all stop, get along, and eat together?
  • Baekhyun: I don't know, can you stop getting pregnant?
  • Jin: As soon as you stop cheating on Chanyeol with my son
  • Jungkook: pass me the---
  • Namjoon: pass high school first
  • Jungkook: pass me the salt, hyung
  • Suho: Everyone, let's drop the attitude
  • Kyungsoo: the way Kris and Lay dropped you?
  • Suho: no, the way Kai drop you for Krystal
  • Youngjae: at least, he still have Kai
  • Chen: can't say the same for you and Jaebum though.
  • Jimin: or you and a good looking haircut
  • Shownu: we are never doing this again
  • Jooheon: *stop recording and eats*
Shit I've Heard In Class (Part Three):
  • "No one's hunting you."
  • "She's really smart, she just does it out of hate."
  • "All I'm thinking about is broccoli, cauliflower, and sex."
  • "Please try to like not do that."
  • "I'd like to retire and start doing walking pub tours instead."
  • "If that's your best parenting then put your kids up for adoption."
  • "I didn't lie, I told the truth as I knew it, but now I know the truth differently."
  • "What were you thinking promising to return my book to me tomorrow?"
  • "I'm gonna put this ladder on the trampoline."
  • "That's hurtful to my feelings and therefore I judge it as immoral."
  • "Are you saying I'm not a hipster?"
  • "Can I have a sign that that was a sign?"
  • "I hope I never have to live without you."
  • "Uh-oh, I think I might be killing someone today."
  • "Is bug spray okay?"
  • "Put that in your sovereignty and smoke it."
  • "You can just say 'yeah thanks—no'."
  • "Can you predict my behavior?"
  • "I'll deal with this person later, I know where she lives."
  • "IF the dead have feelings."
  • "You're still lazy and you're still stupid—no offense."
  • "We're all immoral when we tell our children Santa is real."
  • "It's almost not tomorrow anymore."
  • "Dogs don't lie to you, they have an innocence about them."
  • "Today may be your last day to have sex, eat a doughnut, drive fast..."
  • "The love and cherish things are a little iffy."
  • "Don't need condom."
  • "You will not leave."
  • "Jackasses are still people?"
  • "I swear to you I'm awake today."
  • "Can you promise to love someone?"
  • "You know what smarter creatures are doing right now? Stealing my car."
  • "Maybe we messed up our feelings."
Shady Shadesters (Dino Texts)
  • Jeonghan: Dinoooo, whose baby are you?
  • Dino: Yours... Why do I need to keep doing this?
  • Jeonghan: Cause I want to~
  • Dino: You don't want to do anything. You are the laziest bum I know. Besides...Wait no... Actually you are the laziest person I've ever met.
  • Jeonghan: Excuse me? RUUUUDE!
  • Dino: You wanna see rude? Just because I'm the maknae, don't mean I can't throw the fire. It's the maknae's rebellion!
  • Woozi: But you are so small? Like you could pack a punch
  • Dino: Look who is talking! I can't even see you! Shorty. Midget! I can't even see who is talking to me! Is that a voice in the wind?
  • Woozi: I am about to murder you... Come here...
  • Dino: I keep hearing voices in the wind, must be my imagination.
  • Minghao: If you had one...
  • Dino: What was that?
  • Minghao: I SAID IF U HAD ONE!
  • Dino: Like if you had lines?
  • Mingyu: Oooo! Roasted!
  • Dino: I'm not roasting him. I'm taking him to hell.
  • Minghao: I had lines! In the MY I song!
  • Dino: Really? I forgot about it? Probably cause it's not worth remembering.
  • Jun: Yah! Dino! What's gotten into you? Why you so savage today?
  • Dino: Why are you so narcissistic today? Just kidding, your not narcissistic just today. It's everyday.
  • Jun: I didn't come here to be attacked!
  • Dino: Heh. Too bad. What you going to do? Call mommy?
  • Scoups: Dino...
  • Dino: What old man?
  • Scoups: Calm Down! I know you are a kid in puberty, but you need to learn to chill.
  • Dino: You need to learn how to not be scared of fireworks.
  • Scoups: REALLY? THAT WAS LIKE OVER A YEAR AGO!
  • Dino: And you passed your expiration date over a year ago.
  • Scoups: ...What are you suggesting?
  • Dino: You're just a little old.
  • Scoups: Oh.. You in trouble now...
  • Dino: Aren't I always in trouble? You guys always blame me for everything! It's almost like Jun saying how he is handsome all the time, but we all know he ain't!
  • Jun: What?! Again?
  • Dino: Just kidding hyung, I....have a deep regard for you...
  • Mingyu: Dino, take the chill pills.
  • Dino: Mingyu, take the diet pills. You eat too much.
  • Joshua: Jesus Christ! Dino has been possessed by a demon! We need to pray so he can be saved by our lord's grace!
  • Dino: Hyung...I'm speechless. You really need God's help.
  • DK: Why is Dino like this today?
  • Dino: Why are you like a sunshiney fool everyday? Always the flowers with you.
  • DK: Flowers are nice though...
  • Seungkwan: Flowers are nice! Dino Stop bullying everyone! Can't you see you are making everyone mad?
  • Dino: Can't you see when we don't need an MC?
  • Seungkwan: ...Ouch.
  • Dino: So am I a baby still?
  • Hoshi: SO THIS WHOLE ROAST SESSION WAS TO PROVE YOU AREN'T A BABY? I WAS SERIOUSLY ABOUT TO FIND YOU AND SLAP YOU!
  • Dino: Pretty much. That is if you can find me with your small eyes~
  • Hoshi: DINO! YOU ARE SO DEAD!
  • Dino: Like the look in Wonwoo's Eyes?
  • Wonwoo: What? I was reading a book.
  • Scoups: Watch out Dino. The maknae, might have his rebellion, but the leader has the power...
  • Dino: I'm running away now! Byeeee
  • All: DINOOOOOOOO!
  • Author's Note: Hi! First off, this is in no way mean to insult/defame any of the SVT members. I love them, and was making/poking fun. Again: I AM NOT DOING THIS TO INSULT SVT. IT IS ALL DONE IN GOOD FUN! Just to get that message out of the way, before my inbox is filled with threats. I hope you laughed reading this, cause that was the point. If you like this, please, like, reblog, and follow me! Don't forget to request too!