we all have our vision of everything

Will you be Mine?

-Grant’s POV-
Y/N is magnificent from the way she talks that makes my heart skip a beat too, how she makes me feel loved even on the hardest days. She is my anchor that keeps me from floating away, my best friend to share everything…almost everything with. I can’t wait to get home to Y/N to show her how much she really means to me. Walking up to our apartment I couldn’t help but feel anxious. Every possible scenario has played out in my head, what if she says no or says that it’s too soon or she laughs in my face. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hesitate at the door and think about how I am going to ask her.

-Third person POV-

Y/N sitting on the couch in her gray jumper and pajama shorts with her hair carelessly falling over her face. She was watching her favorite show on Netflix when she heard her boyfriend of two years walk into the room. She had noticed he was acting strangely, he wasn’t as cheerful as he usually is when he comes home. He was acting shyer and slightly scared.

“Grant, what has gotten you so shaken up?” You asked curiously.

“Um…nothing at all babe…well it is something, but ah…god, why am I so awkward.” He said rapidly that you barely understood what he was saying.

“Grant, baby calm down and just say what you want to say.” You giggled lightly walking over to embrace his trembling form.

After taking a deep breath, Grant started to talk.

“Y/N you have been the best thing to enter my life. You have stayed with me even when I was being a complete dick, cried with me during movies and laughed when I, unintentionally, tripped over that pile of clothes trying to surprise you on your birthday.” You giggled at the memory.

Grant was coming back from filming for the Flash so he decided to try and surprise you for your birthday since he saw how sad you were when you talked over skype. Walking through the apartment in the dark proved more challenging than he thought. He started stumbling over everything and as soon as he made it the bedroom he saw you laying down and rushed over to hold you. He what he didn’t see the pile of clothes on the floor and tripped over them. The sound from the impact woke you up and turned to see Grant grunting in pain on the floor. You burst out into a fit of giggles that soon turned into full on laughter that made your stomach ache. Soon after, Grant joined your laughter and you both laughed the entire night.

Slowly getting down on his knee Grant continued on, “You have been my rock even in the toughest of times. I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it so, Y/F/N, will you do the honor accepting this symbol of our love, the love that we have given in the past years that we’ve been together and the love that we will give each other in the future, our future. Holy crap, I’m rambling.

You shook your head, tears of happiness clouding your vision. “No, no. You’re doing fine.”

“Okay, where were we? Symbol of our love, our future. Oh! Um, Y/F/N, will you marry me?”

You were so happy you couldn’t even speak, all the wonderful memories, his sweet words and everything you wanted to say just got stuck in your throat. So you just nodded rapidly. Grant swept you up into his arms, tears streaming down his face. You both were crying so hard it seemed like nothing else mattered. As soon as you both calmed down Grant slipped the ring on your finger and you admired the ring the glimmered on your finger.

Originally posted by sensualkisses

You pulled him forward into a kiss. This kiss was full of love and adoration. Salty tears from both adults mixed into the kiss. Lips molded into lips as if they were designed for each other. They pulled away, slightly breathless. Y/N rested their forehead against Grant’s.

Originally posted by sensuous

Originally posted by couplenotes

“I love you so, so much, Mr. Grant Gustin,” you whispered.

“I love you too, future Mrs. Y/N Gustin,” he chuckled.

You both stayed in that position for a small while. It was you decided to break the comfortable silence.

“So, Chinese?”

Authors Notes: My first fanfic was really fun to write and sorry if it’s not that good. This is my writing so don’t steal it please, but you can reblog if you want. A special thanks to @meet-me-at-dennys for helping me edit.

Snake gods of primordial chaos

Hello everyone! 🌙💎🔮

After posting a lot of practical stuff I wanted to share with you some of my religious views on one of the mythological figures I find more fascinating and powerful, the Snake. In many cultures and religions that developed in the Mesopotamian area, there is a recurring mythological figure that has taken many different names: Apophis in the Egyptian religion, Tiamat in Babylonian mythology, the Leviathan in the Bible. All of these creatures are described as water snakes or reptiles that swim in the primeval waters of the universe; in the Egyptian and Babylonian mythologies they precede the rise of rational, human-like gods such as Ra and Marduk.

For personal reasons I feel very connected with these deities. I believe that the relationship we have with these creatures symbolises the relationship of western civilisation with nature and the rest of the cosmos. In the Egyptian myth, Apophis fights against Ra and tries to prevent the sun-boat from rising from the underworld every day. Every day, Ra defeats Apophis, but the snake then resurrects the next day and has to be killed again. I think that this story symbolically represents the rising of human rationality from the inanimate chaos of nature - we try to defeat it, but we can never destroy it completely. I believe that this idea still lives in western cultures - the idea that nature needs to be dominated and tamed by human rationality and power. I personally disagree with this approach towards nature and the cosmos. I believe that we should try to accept our position in the universe and live in harmony with the chaotic power of the inanimate matter from which we come from and to which we will return. 

Snake deities such as Apophis also embody a cyclical vision of time. We, as living beings, experience time as linear, stretching from the moment of our birth to the moment of our death. But this is merely an illusion; from a cosmic point of view, everything that happens in the universe has already happened and will keep on happening for all eternity (the theory of relativity opened our eyes to the non-linear nature of time, also from a scientific point of view). While we live our life, we are somehow “breaking the cycle”, and in a metaphorical sense we are “beheading” the cosmic snake, making decisions and influencing our lives with our will. But at the same time we always have to remember that everything we do in this universe is part of something bigger, and will influence the cosmos as a whole for all eternity; worshipping Apophis means discovering our immortality by accepting our own mortality. 

In magick, a cyclical vision of time is a very powerful tool; if we believe that everything has already happened, our spells have already manifested their effects, and all we have to do is wait, knowing that our intention has already become reality. This is why I believe that working with deities such as Apophis is very fascinating and powerful. At the same time, it’s not easy to deal with such chaotic and inhuman entities. These beings have been demonized and have been seen as enemies of humanity for ages, and approaching them with fear may lead to anxiety and self-destructive tendencies. I believe that in order to work with these deities it’s important to remember that the cultures who have depicted them as evil were patriarchal cultures who wanted to dominate and control nature. If you want to live in harmony with the cosmos, without placing yourself in the center of it but accepting how small (and yet, significant) you are, you have nothing to fear. Personally, I’ve been called by Apophis many times in my life, through coincidences and dreams. At first I was terrified, but then I’ve started to see the beauty and the power of this obscure and fascinating being. 

Astrea 🌙💎🔮

anonymous asked:

Lexark getting married

Strand stood on the large back deck of the Abigail, the ship that had saved all of them when the world fell apart.  

This day had been weeks in the making. They wanted it to be on the day that celebrated when they had first met. It was like they found each other. Ever since that day they had been inseparable. 

Elyza took a long look in the mirror below deck. She could hear the murmurs of the small group above and the light music Ofelia was playing through the Abigail’s sound system. Everything was going to be perfect. Elyza smiled and nodded to her own reflection. Nothing was going to compare to seeing Alicia walk toward her. It would be in those moments that she surrender who she thought she was going to be for who she knew she was meant to be. 

Elyza walked up the metals stairs and onto the deck. Everyone stood up when she appeared and smiled at her. The only two people from their group that were missing, Alicia and Nick, would be coming up at any time. 

Alicia had debated who would walked her down the aisle. Truthfully, when everything happened Alicia thought she wouldn’t ever have to make the choice. When the moment came she knew that it should be her brother. No matter what they had lived this life together, good and bad it was something that brought them together. 

Elyza walked up to stand next to Strand. The man put his hand on Elyza’s back and gave it a light pat. “Is the theme of this wedding ‘blood and guts’?” He joked quietly. 

“More like ‘burning love’.” Elyza smirked back as Strand gave Elyza one last friendly pat. The music faded for a second before strings started to play wistfully through the speakers. 

Elyza felt her chest tighten and her palms sweat. Alicia would be coming up those stairs and Elyza would have to stop herself from rushing down the aisle and pulling her into a deep kiss. That would come later. 

Nick’s head appeared first. His normal mop of messy brown hair pulled back into a semi-sleek bun. 

Then Alicia stepped up onto the deck and Elyza’s breathing hitched. Alicia would have been wearing a sack or trash bag and Elyza would have thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world. It wasn’t about what she was wearing or how her hair or make-up looked, it was the person that was now staring right back at Elyza with tears in her eyes. 

Alicia and Nick got to the end of the aisle. Elyza held out her hand for Alicia and gave Nick a grateful smile. The man returned the smile as he let his sister go. He took his place next to Madison who was trying not to make it obvious she was dabbing her eyes with a napkin. 

“Thank you all for joining us for this joyous occasion.” Strand began, his deep, rich voice seemed to fill even the depths of the waters that surrounded them. Alicia and Elyza kept glancing at each other and smirking. 

“Although, you really didn’t have much of a choice, we are on a boat in the middle of the ocean.” 

The group gave a light laugh at Strand’s joke. 

“I’ll try and keep this serious and somewhat short. I know the happy couple will be ready to take the suite on the ship for their honeymoon.” Strand winked at the girls. 

“In this world there isn’t much good. You fight to survive everyday. There are no days off or timeouts. We live with the ground crumbling beneath our feet.” Strand reached out and took both girl’s hands in his own. 

“These two have chosen love to help them through this. They have chosen each other, despite everything that has tried to pull them apart. They have showed all of us here that life is truly more than just surviving. This union reminds us, inspires us, gives us hope that we will live past today. We can overcome the darkness if we look for happiness. Together they will be able to lift each other up when times get rough. Alicia and Elyza are the forever we all search for all our lives. Now it is my pleasure to bring them together in marriage.” 

Elyza’s throat was tight and unshed tears clouded her vision. 

“Elyza Lex, will you take this woman no matter what this world throws your way? Will you trust her, respect her, and love her with every breath you have?” Strand spoke the words Elyza had written for him to say. 

“I do.” Elyza smiled softly at Alicia, who had tears streaming down her cheeks. 

“Alicia, will you take this woman as your partner for life? Will you help her when times are bad, love her with every part of herself, and trust her with your very life as you walk through this world together?” Strand spoke from the paper Alicia had handed him before the ceremony. 

“I do.” Alicia’s voice was tight with emotion and she barely got the two words out. 

“I hereby announce that now and forever you are bound together in marriage. Two lives as one now and always. You may now seal this vow with a kiss.” Strand smiled and let go of Elyza and Alicia’s hands so they could wrap themselves together in a tight embrace and loving kiss. 

The crowd around them cheered. Elyza was sure they wasn’t a dry eye on the boat. 

If this was going to be the end of the world, she would do everything in her power to see Alicia smile for every day they had left. Anything she needed Elyza would provide. She had promised Madison and now in front of everyone she had vowed that Alicia was her life. She was her everything. 

Every time we are about to take a huge leap in human consciousness, that’s when bad news ends up happening, so we don’t achieve that expansion… I would absolutely minimize your time with watching TV, and if you are going to watch it, be an observer, don’t get sucked into it, observe the games being played, and put that lens on, instead of believing everything you hear, because all of, most of, the mainstream media is owned by the very people that are compromising us… Look locally in your community, maybe create groups where you can have workshops and discussions… And think positive, because we are powerful, powerful beings, and their manipulations have to do with taking our dreams, and taking our energies, so that we enable these dark agendas. If we could just focus on what we want to manifest and put it into our own internal GPS system - what vision we want for the future - we’ll be able to hear our inner voice, and we’ll be able to get assistance from spirit guides, and our benevolent star family that is here to help us - and that will take us right into a beautiful future, because we can manifest this, this is what they don’t want us to realize about ourselves.

“ 2017 is the year of giving a fuck. I’ve spent enough time putting up walls, chuckling under my breath, viewing life through a cynical lense, looking around for fucks to give. Guess what, bebs- there are plenty of people and places and movements and ideas worth giving a fuck about!!! Straight up- like soooo many!!! My travels over the past few years have brought me all around the world and back through the biggest cities and smallest towns in America. I am excited and encouraged by the humanity I’ve seen and the beauty right under my nose. But some of us aren’t able to see these things!! Our vision is clouded or our resources limited. Our spirits have been broken and we’re down about the future. Therefore, we must lift each other up. Celebrate one another. Give our all to those we love. And before we can really do it for anyone else: we have to do it for ourselves. Easier said than done though, right? Not everyone/everything will deserve your time and energy… but you do. You are always a worthy investment. And sowing into yourself will help you be able to help build up others. Don’t forget how much power words carry, and how what we think- we can manifest. Think and say Love. Think and be creative. Be fair. Be a champion. Be prosperous. Be kind. Be beautiful. You already are. Now go out and live like it. May 2017 bring you every bit of happiness and satisfaction you can possibly stand and may peace find you wherever you are. 

 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! Taking my second solo trip at the end 2016 was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Exploring a new place by yourself means you can do craaaaazy shit like have coconut milk ice cream and red wine for dinner at your air B&B, walk for miles until you find somewhere you wanna explore, read your book alone at the bar as you eat lunch and meet new (much older and wiser) pals, or spend New Year’s Eve doing kirtan chanting in Sanskrit for three hours at a yoga studio with total strangers. (Just a few of the highlights from the past few days). Being alone shows you what you really like, without fear of any judgement from friends, colleagues, lovers, or family. And it can also be evidence of your self-sufficiency. You can find your way back from a long hike. If your phone dies for a few hours, you can survive- no one (including you) will be truly effected. I journaled a lot and I took so many mental pictures (as well as iPhone pics). When I took my silent solo trip to Malibu last year, I wrote and recorded most of Mad Love right after. It’s a truly rejuvenating and inspiring reset. I encourage any and everyone to do it when they can. HAPPY NEW YEAR, you special special person, you! Step into your truth in 2017. Mad love, Jo. —————————- PS.- for those wondering who took the pic, lol. I took a tour of Sedona vortexes and my tour guide took this.” - JoJo on Instagram



【Marie Claire September Issue 2016】 BTS Suga’s interview

Q: I heard that BTS have successfully wrapped up the Asia tour, you guys have been going overseas throughout 2 years, you must be really busy.

A: I really enjoy it. Because I’m living the life that I dreamed of when I was young. The time difference between Brazil and Korea is 12 hours. We’re standing on the stage on the opposite side of the world, it’s wonderful and I’m thankful. It’s ok to sleep less.

Q: Even though you’re really busy, you’re releasing a mixtape.

A: I wrote songs on the plane when we’re going away and coming back, and after the concert, I’ll work in the hotel room. It’s nearly done now and after the interview, I’ll go and work on it.

Q: What kind of songs are you writing?

A: You can’t hear the style of these tracks in BTS’ music. Especially the feelings of the lyrics are very different. I expressed more straightforwardly about what I think of youth. The contents about myself are also honestly included in there. I like to include in subject matters such as the reality, goal, conflict, dream that I’ve been experiencing from the late teens until the 20s.

Q: It seems that you usually think deeply about these things.

A: Because it’s the time that I’m living in. As I listened to my friends who are at the same age and my older brother’s stories, what they’re most worried about is that they don’t have a clear dream. Because they’ve been living according to the social framework. When they became an adult and when they’re facing the reality, it’s completely different to what they’re thinking. They’d constantly think more about about getting a job or about entrance examination questions.

Q: So, how is Min Yoongi spending his 20s?

A: I’ll live a bit more to see if it’s going well, but I can guarantee that I’m working hard to live my life to the fullest.   

Q: From writing the lyrics, songs to producing, the mixtape is done completely by yourself. You seem greedy and there are also many elements that you want include, right?

A: I’m getting greedier as I’ve been doing everything. It doesn’t matter what it is, I won’t allow myself to be half-hearted. I really focused on the perfection of the mixtape. Especially when I was making the track list, I thought about it a lot. I thought about how to make the flow, and how to make the stories that I want to convey clearer. The mixtape is made meticulously like an actual album.

Q: You chose to make a mixtape instead of an album.

A: The answer is simple. The purpose of it is to try everything that I want to do, that’s how I started. While trying to express myself transparently, I wanted to make music in the way that I’m thinking and following my own heart. The lyrics are also written freely.

Q: Is the music that you made so freely a lot different to the music that you made as BTS?

A: Yes. That’s why I’m releasing the mixtape as ‘Agust D’ and not my name ‘Suga’.

Q: Before you started to promote under BTS, you’ve been making music for a long time. You’ve had the experience of releasing a mixtape before debut right?

A: What I’ve released back then is the quality that I can’t let people hear it (laughs). My thoughts have changed a lot while promoting under BTS for 3 years. Actually, I was very daunted to debut as an idol. I thought ‘I was someone who just constantly made music, but if I debut as an idol, the others will look at me differently, right?’ But I realized that all of it was vain thoughts. Things will change depending how you do it, it seems that I was in serious agony and attached a burdensome meaning to it. I was always in the mode of strictness, seriousness and earnestness (laughs). The framework that locked myself up at the time, it feels like a fence now. My mind is at ease now. I also took out a bit of my stubbornness towards music. How should I put it? I feel like my vision is a lot broader than before.

Q: It’s like a process of growing up.

A: Yes. It is. My confidence has become a lot more solid. It’s the same with everyone in BTS. You’ll know when you put all the thoughts that 7 members have been thinking, and we’re more confident in performing. The musicality, choreography, performance and stage set, each element is important but I think it’s possible to produce a plausible result when you mix everything together properly in one place. We must do our best as much as on the stage. Our fans who comes to see our performance, I want to show them more than what they’ve been anticipating. 

Q: As much as you’re greedy about the performance, it seems that the members share stories about music.

A: We work individually, we organize what we’ve made and discuss about it when we’re together. It’d stressful if we keep talking about work all the time.

Q: Where do you usually get your inspirations from when you work?

A: I’m constantly writing memos down. The things that I have in mind every moment, the emotions that suddenly hits me, the words that suddenly comes up in my head, I write everything down. I’d be blankly sitting there and browse through the things that I noted down 2 – 3 years ago, good ideas would come to me. I also listen to other musician’s music.

Q: Recently, who do you mainly listen to?

A: I like the lyrics that Lupe Fiasco writes, and recently I like the American rapper Desiigner and I listen to rapper YG’s songs a lot. There’s a Korean duo called XXX, their songs are really great. Ah, when I first heard vocalist Suran-ssi’s demo, I fell for it so I asked her to feature in my mixtape.

Q: You listen to many music, as much as liking to concentrate on your thoughts and feelings, having alone time must be important.

A: Yes, that’s right. I definitely need time for myself. There’s a time when I was sitting in the studio alone for 10 hours. Actually, I’ll be goofing around for 8 hours and work about 1 hours (laughs). It’s important to have the time to organize my thoughts calmly in an empty room. Without those time, I’ll run off (to somewhere) and feel overburdened.

Q: What’s your favorite line that you wrote while sitting there alone?

A: A part from the song ‘Tomorrow’ - because the dawn right before, the sun rises is the darkest. Even in the far future, never forget the you of right now. I like the feeling of these lyrics. The lyrics about comforting and growing up. I want to make the music that people can easily sympathize with.

Q: After talking with you, everything seems to be about music.

A: We can talk about other things that I’m interested in. Um, about collecting music equipment? About buying rings or necklaces/chains and bracelets? There’s nothing special (laughs). 

Q: As I look at BTS’ SNS, the atmosphere is usually pleasant. It seems that Suga is a bit quiet.

A: I have a bright personality but I don’t really like the nosiness. Our Kakaotalk group chat is a mess. We’re really hilarious. We take bizarre photos of ourselves and uploads them, we take ugly photos (of each other) without permission and shares them. Yesterday, the video of Yang Sehyeong was shared and everyone burst out laughing. There were a lot of ‘ㅋㅋㅋ’. We’re tired as we’re working individually and have our own schedules but we laugh like this, we chat and support each other.

Q: BTS is a group that have been through a lot together and also released a mixtape with the music that you want to do. As much as you’ve suffered, it seems that you’re living your 20s fruitfully.

A: There’s a long way to go to achieve the things that I want to achieve. I want to do better. I’ll continue to make music for a long time. I’ll be glued to the floor. Like being young, youthful in my 20s, I’ll live diligently when I’m in my 30s, 40s.


Notebook Pt. 2/2 (Bucky x Reader)

OH MY GOODNESS! Thank you all for reading and giving me feedback, I was smiling throughout the whole day! I love you guys!

Please talk to me and let me know how you liked it if you did! Let me know if you want to be on my permanent tag list!

Summary: Bucky messes up BIG TIME, will he be able to fix this?

Warnings: Angst and fluff :)

Word Count: OH BOY

Y/N = Your Name

Y/L/N = Your Last Name

Y/E/C = Your Eye Color

Y/H/C = Your Hair Color

Part 1



Originally posted by metal-armed-jesus

March 22nd, 2015

The dame was lost.

That was obvious for anyone. She was pacing one of the hallways muttering to herself, all I could catch was ‘kitchen’ and ‘make a freaking map for this labyrinth.’

I cracked a smile as I made my way to her slowly, I don’t want to scare another person today, I think the other agent is fine but he shouldn’t have bumped into me so early in the morning.

I opened my mouth to ask where she needs to be, when she faced me.

Beat me daddy eight to the bar.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Au where the airport fight ends in a minor debate over who has to take Peter home BC he's literally too young to fly unaccompanied without fuckloads of paperwork

This is amazing because I literally just read something similar in a comic a few days ago. Ok, so it wasn’t b/c Peter is, like, 12, but b/c he was like ‘you guys might get to be superheroes 24/7 but some people have jobs so can someone take me back to NYC asap?? Guys???’  Here’s the page. 

And  then 1.7k of fic of borderline silliness happened out of no where. Let’s temporarily pretend everyone isn’t furious with each other and are still kind-of-friends, m’kay?


Captain America and the Winter Soldier left behind a deafening silence. Iron Man and War Machine tried to give chase, but weren’t able to stop the jet without seriously injuring the two passengers. They were mad, yes, but they didn’t want anyone to end up dead, or paralysed, or maimed. The jet rose into the sky, higher and higher before disappearing over the horizon.

The barren airport was quiet. Peter was aching all over, still disoriented from the blow that knocked through the air. The formerly building-sized guy that had hit him lay panted, limbs eagle-spread. Hawkeye sat nearby, rubbing at his back and grumbling under his breath. Scarlett Witch was cradled in Vision’s arms, the two murmuring quietly to one another.

Falcon touched down, spread wings retreating. Iron Man and War Machine followed his descent moments after. They refused to look at their former teammate.

Peter stumbled to unsteady, determined feet. His mask was rumbled, a little twisted, but pulled to his chin. Booted feet spun in a wobbly circle, taking in the entire airport, the burning husks of thrown cars, abandoned airplanes, and the dozen exhausted, resting heroes.

“We’re not going to start fighting again, are we?” Peter said. “Because sure, yeah, I’m ready to go again, but some of you guys look old and I don’t want to accidentally break some hips—”

“You are not ready to go again,” Tony told him firmly. His faceplate flipped up, and he looked weary and defeated in an achingly familiar way.

“I am,” Peter insisted. “Did you see me take down a guy that was the size of a building? A building!” Peter limped over to said Building Guy, who squinted up at the teenager, one hand shielded over his eyes. “Also, hey, I’m super impressed about the turning-into-a-building thing. Doesn’t that break all kinds of rules about the conservation of mass? How does that even work? Is it a superpower, or are you an alien like that Thor guy, or is it, like, science—”

“Where did you find this kid?” Hawkeye asked loudly.

Keep reading

A Dzogchen Textual Collage

“As a bee seeks nectar from all kinds of flowers, seek teachings everywhere. Like a deer that finds a quiet place to graze, seek seclusion to digest all that you have gathered. Like a madman beyond all limits go where you please, and live like a lion completely free of all fear.”

– A Dzogchen tantra, from The Crystal and the Way of Light by Namkhal Norbu


“If we lose ourselves every night, what chance do we have to be aware when death comes? Look to your experience in dreams to know how you will fare in death. Look to your experience of sleep to discover whether or not you are truly awake.”

– Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche


“One must remain in the vastness,
alert and lucid,
Letting one’s gaze encompass
the infinity of the sky,
As though seated on the summit
of a mountain open
to all the horizons.”

— Shabkar Tsogdruk Rangdrol


“All you have to do is rest your mind in its natural openness. No special focus, no special effort, is required. And if for some reason you cannot rest your mind, you can simply observe whatever thoughts, feelings, or sensations come up (hang out for a couple of seconds and then dissolve) and acknowledge, ‘Oh, that’s what’s going on in my mind right now.’”

— Mingyur Rinpoche


“All philosophies are mental fabrications. There has never been a single doctrine by which one could enter the true essence of things.”

— Nāgārjuna


There is nothing to do.
It is about undoing.”

— Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoch


“What anxiety to cling to the duality of success and failure!”

— Guru Chowang


“It is all up to us. We are the ones who have to keep looking at our thoughts, looking for the nature of our mind. there is nobody else in control of our lives, our experiences, our freedom or our bondage.”

— Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche


“All the philosophical theories that exist have been created by the mistaken dualistic minds of human beings. in the realm of philosophy, that which today is considered true, may tomorrow be proved to be false. No one can guarantee a philosophy’s validity. Because of this any intellectual way of seeing whatsoever is always partial and relative. The fact is that there is no truth to see or to confirm logically; rather what one needs to do is to discover just how much the mind continually limits itself in a condition of dualism.”

— Chogyal Namkhai Norbu


“How guilt-ridden are those who cling to moral dualities!”

— Guru Chowang


“When performing meditation practice one should think of it as just a natural function of everyday life, like eating or breathing, not as a special, formal event to be undertaken with great seriousness and solemnity. One must realize that to meditate is to pass beyond effort, beyond practice, beyond aims and goals, and beyond the dualism of bondage and liberation. Meditation is always perfect, so there is no need to correct anything. Since everything that arises is simply the play of the mind, there are no bad meditation sessions and no need to judge thoughts as good or evil. Therefore one should not sit down to meditate with various hopes and fears about the outcome-one just does it, with no self-conscious feeling of “I am meditating,” without effort, without strain, without attempting to control or force the mind, without trying to become peaceful.”

— Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche


“In the end, we have nothing to lose by opening our hearts.”

— Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche


“the nature of phenomena is non-dual,

but each one, its own state, is beyond
the limits of the mind.

there is no concept that can define
the condition of “what is”

but vision nevertheless manifests:
all is good.

everything has already been accomplished,
and so, having overcome the sickness of effort,

one finds oneself in the self-perfected state.
this is contemplation.”

— Vairocana - The Six Vajra Verses


“Awareness is unstructured, natural radiance your own mind, so how can you say that you cannot see the Buddha? There is nothing at all to meditate upon in it, so how can you complain that meditation does not arise? It is manifest Awareness, your own mind, so how can you say that you cannot find it? It is a stream of unceasing radiant wakefulness, the face of your mind, so how can you say that you cannot see it? There is not so much as a moment of work to be done to attain it, so how can you say that your effort is unavailing? Centred and dispersed states are two sides of the same coin, so how can you say that your mind is never centred? Intrinsic Awareness is the spontaneously originated three modes of being [essence, nature and responsiveness], which is achieved without striving, so how can you say that your practice fails to accomplish it? It is enough to leave the mind in a state of non-action, so how can you say that you are incapable of attaining it? Your thoughts are released at the moment of their inception, so how can you say that the antidotes were ineffective? It is cognition of the here and now, so how can you say you do not perceive it?”

— Shabkar Tsodruk Rangdrol, The Flight of the Garuda, Song Seven: Assertion of our Intrinsic Buddhahood


“Getting attached to happiness is suffering.”

— Kunjed Gyalpo


“Rigpa is a Tibetan word, which in general means ‘intelligence’ or ‘awareness’. In Dzogchen, however, the highest teachings in the Buddhist tradition of Tibet, rigpa has a deeper connotation, ‘the innermost nature of the mind’. The whole of the teaching of Buddha is directed towards realizing this, our ultimate nature, the state of omniscience or enlightenment – a truth so universal, so primordial that it goes beyond all limits, and beyond even religion itself.”

— Sogyal Rinpoche


Basically there is nothing to do at all in this practice besides training in being stable. Simply allowing our mind to be, without having to do anything, is entirely against our usual habits. Our normal tendency is to think, “I want to do this. I want to do that.” Then we actually go do it. Finally, we feel happy and satisfied when it’s all neat, all completed, accomplished all by ourselves. But that attitude is totally wrong in the context of this type of practice. There is nothing whatsoever to do. We don’t have to construct what is unformed. Anything we try to do becomes an imitation, something made up by our thoughts and concepts.

As a matter of fact, it may feel utterly dissatisfying, extremely disappointing, to allow our original nature to be as it naturally is. We might much rather do something, imagine something, create something, and really put ourselves through a lot of hardship. Maybe that is why the Buddha did not teach Dzogchen and Mahamudra openly— because this not-doing is in some ways contrary to human nature…

…The Buddha realized that different beings had various capacities, so out of great compassion and skillful means he gave teachings that were right for different individuals. Although the essence of all teachings of all enlightened ones is to simply let be in recognition of one’s own nature, the Buddha taught a lot of complex instructions in order to satisfy people on all the different levels…

–Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche, from As It Is


“The place of release is where it all begins.”

— The Garland of Pearls


“The natural state is just itself and nothing else, whether thoughts are arising or not. Having no thoughts is not the essential practice of Dzogchen. There is nothing wrong with having thoughts; it is natural for thoughts to arise. They represent the creative potentiality or dynamism of the Nature of Mind. When we are in the Natural State, there are no special thoughts associated with it. The natural state is always there whether thoughts are present or not. The problem is to recognize this Natural State without being distracted by thoughts.”

— Lopon Tenzin Namdak.


“Ah, yes, this world is just a dream.”

— Longchenpa


“Consider the fact that no matter how many planets and stars are reflected in a lake, these reflections are encompassed within the water itself; that no matter how many universes there are, they are encompassed within a single space; and that no matter how vast and how numerous the sensory appearances of samsara and nirvana may be, they are encompassed within the single nature of mind”

— Dudjom Lingpa


“Remaining in the clarity and confidence of Rigpa allows all your thoughts and emotions to liberate naturally and effortlessly within its vast expanse, like writing in water or painting in the sky”

— Sogyal Rinpoche


“Don’t believe! Don’t believe! Don’t believe in righteous religion!
Don’t trap yourself! Don’t trap yourself! Don’t cage your mind!”

— Longchenpa


“In the unthinkable, inscrutable, ordinary nature of reality there is no difference between freedom and bondage. No matter what arises, when you perceive your original nature, the joy arises automatically–and what joy!”

— Shabkar Tsogdruk Rangdrol


“Each of us needs to look at our own experience of suffering to see how it is distinct; we don’t suffer in the exact same way as anybody else. What causes me to suffer may not cause you to suffer. What is extremely hard for you may be easy or even fun for me. What you enjoy doing may be frightening or boring for me. And so it goes. When you reach the point of being determined to be freed from your suffering, you have the attitude that starts you off on the path of individual freedom: “I will deliver myself from harm; I will protect and save myself from heartache and misery.” This is where you start.”

— Dzogchen Ponlop in “Rebel Buddha: A Guide to a Revolution of Mind”


“With the mind preoccupied by different petty concerns,

A moment of inconsequential fixation becomes a habit

And a day, a month, a year – a lifetime – goes by unheeded.

We deceive ourselves by construing the nondual as duality.”

— Longchenpa


“The principle of Dzogchen is to avoid creating anything false, and to really understand the reasons for what one is doing. It is not important to define oneself as belonging to this or that school, tradition, or point of view, and it makes no difference whether one considers oneself to be Buddhist or not. Basically, feeling oneself to be a follower of something of other is just a limit, and what one really needs is to understand one’s own condition and to open oneself, getting rid of all these kinds of barriers.”

— Chogyal Namkhai Norbu


‘The word buddha simply means “awake” or “awakened.” It does not refer to a particular historical person or to a philosophy or religion. It refers to your own mind. You know you have a mind, but what’s it like? It’s awake. I don’t just mean “not asleep.” I mean your mind is really awake, beyond your imagination. Your mind is brilliantly clear, open, spacious, and full of excellent qualities: unconditional love, compassion, and wisdom that sees things as they truly are. In other words, your awakened mind is always a good mind; it’s never dull or confused. It’s never distressed by the doubts, fears and emotions that so often torture us. Instead, your true mind is a mind of joy, free from all suffering. That is who you really are. That is the true nature of your mind and the mind of everyone. But you mind doesn’t just sit there being perfect, doing nothing. It’s at play all the time, creating your world.’

- Dzoghen Ponlop, Rebel Buddha


Garab Dorje (Prahevajra) the first human lineage-holder of the Dzogchen teaching, an emanation of Vajrasattva.

A brief biography taken from: amnyitrulchung (dot) org

At age 7 he entered into a philosophical debate with 500 scholars and defeated all of them, without ever having studied himself. Afterwards he meditated on a mountaintop until his 32nd birthday. He received empowerments, instructions and entrustment of the Dzogchen tantras in an instant from Vajrasattva and attained the stage of no more learning.

With the help of dakinis he spent three years transcribing the teachings he had received. He meditated and taught for the rest of his life in Sitavana, a famous charnel ground northeast of Bodhgaya. When he died at the source of the Danatika river his body dissolved into immaculate space amid masses of rainbow light.


“The desire for happiness is the disease of attachment,

one can be happy only when free of desires.”

— Kunjed Gyalpo


“When you start to study your mind, you begin to see how mind works. You discover the principle of cause and effect; you see that certain actions produce suffering and others produce happiness. Once you make that discovery, you understand that by working with suffering’s causes, you can overcome suffering itself. You also begin to see, in the contents of mind, a clearer picture of your own psychological profile. That is, you begin to see the patterns of thought and feeling that repeat over and over. You see how predicable you are in your relationships and interactions with the world. At a certain point, you begin to glimpse the total space of mind, the brilliant awareness that is the source of your fleeting thoughts and emotions. This is your first look at mind’s true nature: it’s a milestone on your path and an experience of personal freedom.”

— Dzogchen Ponlop in “Rebel Buddha: A Guide to a Revolution of Mind”


“Just as phenomena arise let them be and do not cling! This is the radical, essential practice during the daily round. If you do not cling to whatever, or however, phenomena appear, emotional defilements, naturally freed, are sublime, primal awareness.”

— Shabkar


“The pathless path
is the path always under our feet
and since that path is always beneath us,
if we miss it, how stupid!”

— The Heap of Jewels


“A Confession” from
Emptying the Depths of Hell

HUNG! How futile to project notions of being and nonbeing
Upon an unformed and inconceivable reality-continuum!
What misery to cling to delusions of a substantial reality!
Atone in the spaciousness of formless, concept-free pleasure.

How pointless to project notions of purity and impurity
Upon Kuntu Zangpo, who transcends all moral qualities!
How guilt-ridden are those who cling to moral dualities!
Atone in the spaciousness of Kunzang’s pure pleasure.

How exhausting to cling to notions of self and others
In the sameness where superiority and inferiority cannot be!
What anxiety to cling to the duality of success and failure!
Atone in the spaciousness of the pure pleasure of sameness.

How futile to cling to concepts of this life and the next
When the Bodhisattva’s mind is free of birth and dying!
What anxiety lies in obsession with birth and death!
Atone in the spaciousness of the deathless swastika.

How foolish to project concepts of concrete form and substance
Upon the cosmic seed that has no corners or edges!
What boredom lies in the limitations of squares and rectangles!
Atone in the spaciousness of the all-embracing spherical nucleus.

How stupid it is to project notions of beginning and end
In the timeless, unchangeable dimension of past, present and future!
What misery lies in the duality of transformation and gradual change!
Atone in the spaciousness of unchanging past, present and future.

How pointless to project causal relationships
Upon Awareness, naturally arising without strain or accomplishment!
What grief lies in distinguishing effort from attainment!
Atone in the spaciousness of effortless spontaneity.

How exhausting to cling to concepts of subject and object
In Knowledge-Awareness neither eternal nor temporal!
What misery to separate time from eternity!
Atone in the spaciousness of Knowledge-Awareness.

— revealed by Guru Chowang


“Buddha-nature, the essence of awakened enlightenment itself, is present in everyone. Its essence is forever pure, unalloyed, and flawless. It is beyond increase or decrease. It is neither improved by remaining in nirvana nor degenerated by straying into samsara. Its fundamental essence is forever perfect, unobscured, quiescent, and unchanging. Its expressions are myriad.”

— Nyoshul Khenpo Rinpoche


“Since everything is reality,
there is nothing at all to promote
and there is not the slightest thing to retain;
reality is total absence.”

— Beyond the Sound


“Through meditation on the nature of mind, one is able to overcome. Through meditation on discursive thoughts, one is not able to overcome. When one meditates on discursive thoughts, one should understand that they are merely the miraculous display of the nature of the mind. Thus, rest in a state free from discursive thoughts.”

— Attributed to Milarepa


Illusion immediately becomes more workable when we acknowledge it as simply an illusion. The Western habit is to work against the grain and to try and organize the illusory into something solid and structured … In the stressful attempt to nail down the illusory nature of things, our chance to be at ease, spacious, awake, and free, which already exists within ourselves, gets lost.

– Tsoknyi Rinpoche


“Relatively speaking, we are not free, so long as we do not recognize the true nature of our mind.

That nature is empty, luminous wisdom; it is primordially pure awareness; it is the state of wakefulness that transcends duality.”

— Dzogchen Ponlop, Mind Beyond Death


In the universal womb that is boundless space
All forms of matter and energy occur
As flux of the four elements,
But all are empty forms, absent in reality:
All phenomena, arising in pure mind, are like that.

Just as dream is a part of sleep,
Unreal in its arising,
So all and everything is pure mind,
Never separated from it,
And without substance or attribute.

Experience is neither mind nor anything but mind;
It is a vivid display of emptiness, like magical illusion,
In the very moment inconceivable and unutterable.
All experience arising in the mind,
At its inception, know it as emptiness!

– Longchenpa


“It is only by dying every day that we can be truly in contact with life.

If we think we can find a meaningful connection between life and death—while still clinging to our belief in the continuity of our own existence—then we are living in a fictional world of our own creation.”

— Dzogchen Ponlop, Mind Beyond Death


The true bodhisattva spirit grows out of this personal sense of freedom. You discover that you don’t feel so needy anymore. You don’t crave another refueling - with shamatha or with other people’s love and attention - because you know within yourself how to be free, how to be confident. With this sense of security and freedom, you begin to direct your attention to the needs of others. The compassion expands.

– Tsoknyi Rinpoche


Astral Parenthood (Azama x F!Corrin) 

AU where everything is the exact same, except Silas has laser vision.


Little Mitama did not appreciate her parents’ gift.

“Oh Mitama, this is a perfectly good pelt. I went through all this trouble to bring it here. Mommy even helped me with the flaying!”

Corrin shuddered.

The toddler ran, tripped, got back up, and then finished running over to a desk with parchment and ink. She spoke as she wrote. “I don’t like my gift/It is scary and smells bad/It wants to eat me!”

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anonymous asked:

alright ty!! so my request is genji, mercy, and zenyatta helping their s/o whose an incredibly lightweight drunk (can only handle one drink) and gets super tired and tries to walk but they stumble around a lot (speaking from experience i passed out on a staircase h a;;;)

((I accidently got drunk once from a Christmas dessert that had actual rum in it. That’s the day I found out I’m a giggly drunk so here you go anon! - Mod Tez))

Originally posted by complete--nonsense


Originally it began as an innocent party. Just celebrating the birthday of a new agent who had joined the recalled Overwatch. But soon enough as night settled, everyone began to gather up the alcohol.

You told yourself you weren’t going to drink, that you’d watch over the others so they wouldn’t get too drunk. That was until your companion, Genji asked you to try out a sip from a drink called sake.

The drink burned lightly at the back of your throat and it felt like having honey, all your senses turned numb and you decided to have another sip, and then another. Until you hadn’t realised the insane heat rising on your face as you giggled a little and then yawned, “Genji, let’s go back to our room, we’ll be tired tomorrow if we stay up any longer~ “ you mumbled and slurred lightly at the Japanese man sitting beside you who nodded at you as he stood up.

You sluggishly stood up, vision blurry and everything being very bright and disorientating. Pressing a hand on the wall you stumbled with your footing as you tried to get yourself to yours and Genji’s room.

“(Y/N) allow me to help you out a little-” you interrupted him by saying, “N-no I got this!” but instead of walking you almost tripped over yourself, luckily Genji grabbed you and probably saved you from a nasty fall, “M’kay foine, help me cyborg babe~” you cooed at him as he lifted you, cradling you in his arms as he started walking again to your room.

Opening the door for him, he shimmied inside the room and set you on your bed, beginning to make his way to his bed when you suddenly gripped on his hand, “Genji! please stay with me…” you yawned out, making him comply as he lied beside you, his visor still on his face. You smiled at him and kissed the visor as you passed out from the alcohol.

Genji smiled and pressed onto the visor, with a hiss it came of his face as he placed it on the bedside table. He pulled you close to his chest, kissing your head, “おやすみなさい、(Y/N) さん.*“ he whispered as he closed his eyes.

* (Goodnight (Y/N) )

Originally posted by lacroixamelie


“Wut would ya do wif a drunken sailah, wha would ya do wif a drunken sailah~” you sang out of tune as you stumbled across the halls of the watchpoint.

You got dared by McCree to drink a whole mug of whiskey, and you were known for never taking down a challenge. Now here you were, stumbling across the empty halls in the middle of the night, mumbling about the hangover you’d have in the morning.

The blurry vision played part as to why all of a sudden you tripped over your footing and landed on your face on the floor. Groaning, you looked up to see Angela, who was kneeling down and helping you up already, “Angie! My favourite angel~” you slurred as she smiled a little, “(Y/N) you should know better than that, come now let’s get you back to our room now.” she informed as you latched on to her, hugging onto her waist as you both waltzed to your room.

Once you both reached your room she helped you lie in bed and gave you some medicine. She then proceeded to tuck herself in bed with you and pepper your face with small kisses as she cuddled into you, “Y’know Angie, ye should’ve called me Charlie! becuz yer my angel~” you mumbled, “Yer always there fer me and every time I say t’myself: ‘wow I love her so much!’ and then boom, my mind is blown away~” you sleepily rambled on and on about how much you loved her until you fell asleep with Angela petting your head and giving you feathery soft kisses.

Originally posted by fakemccree


“(Y/N) please do tell me what it feels like to be intoxicated, I am very fascinated.” the omnic hovering on the bed beside you queried as you dizzily gazed at the ceiling.

“Is like… everything spinning without wanting it spinning. You feel, tired, and your hearing is both enhanced but muffled. Funny things can seem sad, but sad things seem funny. It’s as if yer brain just went topsy turvy!” you explained as Zenyatta placed his harmony orb on you, in an attempt to soothe your headache. The omnic listened further to you explaining what being drunk was like.

“So why does man drink if it affects their body negatively?” he asked you as you drank a glass of water and sat up. “Some drink because they enjoy the feeling of alcohol in their system, while some drink to celebrate and spend a great time with the good parts of booze. But some use it to escape the past, pain and more. They use it to numb out the aches from scars.” you explained as Zenyatta nodded, hovering lower to be sitting on the bed beside you properly.

“Why did you get intoxicated then (Y/N)?” he asked again like a curious child, you smiled at him and answered, “My body doesn’t like to be intoxicated, so even a sip gets me badly drunk and i’ll probably be sick tomorrow. But it was nice celebrating Hanzo and Genji reconciling from their past and becoming brothers again!” your response made Zenyatta nod, “Indeed, to see my student achieve inner peace could easily be worth even the worse of intoxication in my system. But now I assume it’s a good time for you to rest, and allow the alcohol to leave your body, yes?” he asked as you hummed out a yes. You lied down and held your omnic friend’s hand as you started to nod off, “G’night Zenny~” you mused as sleep took over your senses.

CasaPound is an Italian political movement that takes its name from the American poet and Fascist sympathizer, Ezra Pound. CasaPound Italia is a political movement organized as an association for social promotion. It starts from the right and goes through the entire political panorama. Right or left are two old visions of politics, we need to give birth to a new synthesis. Officially, CasaPound was born on 26 December 2003 with the occupation of Via Napoleone III, a building in Rome. This occupation was carried out by a group of visionary heretics linked together by the same vision of the world. In 2008, on the day of the solstice, CasaPound Italia (CPI) was born.

CPI has now more than 6000 members all over Italy but the supports and sympathy we gain days after days is far larger.  CPI works on everything that concerns the life of our nation: from sport to solidarity, culture and of course politics. For sports, we have a soccer teams and academy, we do hockey, rugby, skydiving, boxing, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, scuba diving, hiking groups, caving, climbing. For solidarity, we have first aid teams, we do fundraising activities and we provide help to orphans and single-mums. A phone line called “Dillo to CasaPound” (tell it to CasaPound) is active 24/7 to give free advises on legal and tax issues. On the cultural ground, we host authors and organize book presentations; we have an artist club, a theater school, free guitar, bass guitar and drum lessons, we created an artistic trend called Turbodinamismo, we have a publishing company, dozens of bookshops and websites. Politically we propose various laws like the Mutuo sociale (social mortgage), Tempo di essere Madri (Time to be a mother) or against water privatization and so many more.

CasaPound is based around four principles: culture, solidarity, sports, and (obviously) politics.  CPI fight against the crooks in our nation regardless of their political stance.   We believe that we have to renew the language, symbolism, esthetics… If we can’t communicate with ‘the others’, it is not always their fault.We try to communicate in a radical mode in order to renew our dream. We want to launch it and give it a new spin. This can be done through music or art.  Political parties are ruled by mediocrity. Their aim is to conquer seats. They suffer from a modern illness called democracy and, in its final stage, they suffer from the syndrome of being accepted… CPI is a group of individuals who don’t ask what to say or do. The political parties are mired in bureaucracy. CPI is agile. The parties are dead and want nothing more than to please. CPI is liked because it’s alive…and doesn’t care.  

I look up at the stars some nights wondering if anyone is looking back,

Do they see me? Do our souls burn in color the same vibe?

Will we meet on earth as destiny and cross paths?

Will we know each other when we meet in the physical and not have clouds in the blue skies of our vision?

Will we call it love at first sight or awakening to what we were always meant to be?

Will it feel like wings or a newborn’s cling?

If we let go will everything we are fall into place?

If the universe crumble to dust will I still see your face?

Will you smile back and will we build a better universe from a single dream?

Could we even be Heaven and Earth experiencing the expression of our love?

And does that mean we are soulmates for all eternity again and again?

I wonder if you see me how I see you.


For ever and ever.

Written by King I. Akanqi in heart

The Empty Eye, or, The Vision Fetish, or, Trains and Projection

I wrote a couple of posts ago that Sherlock is all about seeing–not just observing, but looking. Those blokes must have heard me, because this episode was a feast for the eyes. Vision porn galore. I seriously didn’t intend to be up this late writing meta already but this episode is just full of eye candy goodness. [I’m going to replace these caps with gifs when people make them. Or if I figure out how.]

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I Love You, Man (Part 4/?) (Avengers/MCU cast x reader)

Okay, so maybe a few more of this one…

Part 3

Getting the Avengers together as a group in any idea of organization or timeliness was a battle that you had finally given up on after years of struggle.  It just wasn’t worth it anymore.  Even if you told them that departure was hours before it was really scheduled, you somehow still ended up being late to everything.  

“You guys, this is like herding cats, I swear.  How is it so frustratingly impossible for a group as coordinated as you all, to get onto a plane at the same time?  If this were a mission you’d be gone already.”

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I Never Forgot You *Bucky Barnes x Reader* (9/?)

Originally posted by blackinjustice

Summary: With the wedding just a few months away, the panic of it all rises up, the only way Bucky can get through it is by taking down HYDRA bases to pass the time; as yourself plans everything to the nine. Bucky remembering everything every day, he soon recalls a time in the Forties where you were to have a child, you remember not ever carrying a child. With Technology and HYDRA information, it’s time to hunt down your child and figure out what happened to them, only darkness is unfolded because it wasn’t just Bucky who underwent HYDRA torture methods. 
Warnings: Swearing, violence & Probably a lot more. Implied smut later (not full on, I am not comfortable writing that) & DEATH
Admins Note: I had someone ask for a part 4 with the wedding but I’ve been reeling over the second part to the imagine I did (Part one) (Part two) where you are pregnant with Buck’s child whilst he is away.

SO this part involves an NEW character called: Narcisa Malone. She basically owns the organisation called W.A.R.S (Warners. Association. Research of Science), they basically deal with genetic splicing and mutations like the Maximoff twins. They are under the thumb of HYDRA being forced to work for them, in creating the perfect soldiers. Naricasa looked after James as he grew up, so this is about her finding out that HYDRA allowed him to be captured.

I Never Forgot You Part One
I Never Forgot You Part Two
I Never Forgot You Part Three  
I Never Forgot You Part Four
I Never Forgot You Part Five
I Never Forgot You Part Six

I Never Forgot You Part Seven

I Never Forgot You Part Eight

W.A.R.S Facility (Warners. Association. Research of Science)

James sat in a small grey-walled room, the silence echoing around the small space, his face scrunched into one of confusion and concentration. His mind running a mile, a million thoughts like Hamlet, never once focusing on a certain thing but lingering on it to cause distress and rile him up to a certain extent. He had no idea how long he had been in the room, sat on the small hard bed, he figured it had been a while but not long enough to cause concern amongst; Narcisa, Blok or HYDRA themselves. 

He knew HYDRA heads were here to discuss what happened, probably punish James and Narcisa for what they were done; him for being caught and her for telling him the truth and going after him. 

Normally he would take the punishment, it was never too bad but something angered him deep inside, they lied and cheated him; Seventy years old. He’s older than seventy, all this time he’s been put on ice without knowing, all because of his parents? His true parents, who even were they? He knew the Winter Soldier but that’s all, he didn’t know his father, not really and his mother? 

He had never seen her in his life but a strange pull, connection or protectiveness, whatever you want to call it happened when he was near you. He had the urge to protect you, or even relax around you, he felt safe but at the same time, he hated both of his parents. 

A tap drew him back to reality, he turned as the door opened and Doctor Jamie Davis smiled as he peaked through, James nodded lightly at the tech man with a small smile.

“You’re needed, buddy,” Jamie tells him, James sighs and stands up “Gotta warn ya, Narcisa is tearing a new asshole into the HYDRA heads like she is going full mother rage on them” James chuckles at him, nodding to follow Jamie who leads the way through the base in absolute silence, something James finds comforting; he always finds the silence weirdly homely and that’s disturbing within itself.

 They come up to Narcisa’s office a brown oakish door, Jamies knocks three times, the muffled voices all silence and the door opens to reveal a flustered looking Narcisa who smiles thanking Jamie. James enters and sees’s Agent Blok stood with his arms crossed in the corner, three HYDRA men are stood in the same stance, cold hard glares as they look at James; he’s in deep shit now. 

“Ah, James” one of the men called; tall and lean, black hair and moustache, Bucky knew this man; Grey Robinson, he was always around when James fucked up, he got some sick thrill from seeing recruits getting punished, especially James.  

The other two were familiar but couldn’t place names, they were all higher up in HYDRA, rarely seen but seen enough to be feared of, although Narcisa showed no signs of backing down; James figured that’s where he get’s it from, no running or cowardly behind fear. 

“Our thrill seeker” he continued “tell me exactly how you got captured” his hands clasped behind his back, a smirk settling upon his face, James stood staring his jaw rigid “it seemed you allowed the Avengers to take you, weird” he amused, Narcisa rolled her eyes. 

“With all due respect sir, James didn’t allow anything, he was outmatched; their fire power is enough to take down entire bases, you sent him with two other men, hardly strategic employment” Agent Blok steps in, Grey glares at the man, Blok’s face unnerved as they stare at one another. 

“No, he’s implying that James was told about his parents before he got captured, which he wasn’t” Narcisa sighs “I told him once we left, I told him because his mother told him the truth, something that should have spoken a long time ago” Narcisa crosses her arms and awaits someone to talk “you three have a lot of fucking nerve, if you weren’t so focused on each other asses you’d be seeing the bigger picture” they all frowned 

“I NEED TEST SUBJECTS?” she screamed “how am I meant to work if they all die?” she asked, James snickered “It’s like talking to my dead husband” she sighed. 

It’s quiet after that, the three HYDRA agents look at one another, deciding on what to do and what to say back to her. 

“We understand your stress, Dr Malone” the HYDRA man states, Narcisa rolls her eyes at him “we just think when you went after James it was a little brash, you could have been killed, despite everything we do care for you” that caused a loud laughter from Narcisa who rolled her eyes at them all. 

“James is just as important to us as he is to you” Grey speaks firmly “he is becoming our new hand of HYDRA, the one that will lead our army to victory, that is beyond yourself Doctor” Narcisa narrowed her glare “he’s out vision, our leading light, don’t mistake our attitudes… towards you aimed at James also” he smiles lightly, Narcisa scoffs at him. 

“You sound like my husband with your ‘visions’ and ‘we care’ bullshit” she spat back at him, he huffed a ragged breath at her.

“Pierce was a visionary, like us, he died still believing that vision. He also died your husband” Grey countered, Narcisa chuckled darkly at that, shaking her head at him.

“My husband died the moment he started to believe the lies he was telling, you corrupted Alexander Pierce, not me. He wasn’t my husband, not anymore” she sighed gently,

“You hated him when he started up the Winter Soldier programme all those years ago” Narcisa nodded

“Everyone sided with me, he should have kept Bucky Barnes on ice, everyone knows that!” glares and blank stares are cast around the room. 

“James you’re going to tell us everything we want to know about the Avengers base, are we clear?” the other HYDRA Agent asked “Narcisa we have a test subject for you to work on, Agent Blok, it’s been what? 

Over a decade since you allowed yourself to be upgraded, get some modifications done by Narcisa; as punishment for going along with them and then stopping Narcisa from giving away vital information” Blok sighed, aggravation casting in his stormy blue eyes, he nods once, leaving the room.  

“Wait” Narcisa frowned “you conveniently want Avengers intel, why? You never cared about them before” the men look between another “if you say you planned this, I swear to God, I’ll strangle you.” Narcisa says to Grey, he nods once before turning to James,

“You fucking touch any of us, he dies, you know that” she clenches her jaw closed and he orders the others to leave “get back to work, you have your test subject, once Blok is done have him select some of his own men; then I want you to work on James, find something for him, get Aristov to look into also” James frowns, he hadn’t ever been modified, that he was sure of “James, go train with Blok before he goes for testing, good boy” James glares and looks to Narcisa who nods with a slight smile.

“Hurt her and I’ll fucking kill you,” he tells them before leaving out the door. 


“You just gonna let them test on you?” James asked Blok, the older man chuckled, easily dodging the swift punch James tried to take; grabbing James’s for turning him around into a headlock, James chuckled loudly “okay. old guy still got a fight in him” James tapped Blok’s arm twice and he let him go, pushing him away slightly “what’s your deal? Who they got?” James asked. Agent Blok sighed as James sat down in a chair, it’s silent for a few minutes.

“My son” Agent Blok confirms “well, it doesn’t matter anymore anyway, he joined SHIELD and got suckered into HYDRA that way” James nodded lightly at him “I have nothing left to fight for, that’s why I stick around, I don’t have family or a home; you do, James” Agent Blok sighs “I know that right now, your real parents mean so little, but god I would give anything to see my son! I saw him once, fighting alongside that Cap guy, he looked like a superhero. I’ll never get over that sight, of course, I knew what he really was, like me” he sighed gently.

“Then why are you here?” James asked “you should be out there, trying to regain the rest of a life you can” he gestured to Agent Blok “you can leave her whenever you want” he stated.

“You live in a bubble, James” Agent Blok tells him “HYDRA are everywhere, no one escapes here, not really” he tells him “your father is the only I know that has made it out somewhat alive, he’s not the Bucky he hopes to be, but he’s alive and that’s all matters” Agent Blok chuckled “can’t believe he done it, after all, those years of staring at that blank stupid face, I gotta tell ya’ seeing him smile is probably… a blessing” James frowned “the missions I used to send him on, he’d come back even less human, I’d ask him if he was okay but he’d never respond” Agent Blok sighed “what I am saying is; you Barnes are strong, stronger than you let on, if anyone can make it out of here alive, it’s you” James chuckled.

“I don’t want to leave”, James tells him “I have Narcisa, the Winter Soldier is just my old trainer” he shrugged.

“He’s your father, kid” Blok states “you can try and cover it for what it is but when it comes to killing him; he won’t be killing back, he’ll let it happen because you are his son, you are his blood and he would rather die for you than fight against you” James nodded,

“How do you know that?” James asked

“Because I’d do the same for mine, every father would, no matter what or who they are; you’d rather have your own heart stabbed than your sons” he shrugged. 


sometimes we question why others can’t see us. sometimes we wonder why our lovers don’t truly need us. sometimes we alter our entire self to fit the standards of someone else as if we aren’t satisfied - being us. but you’re perfect. I promise. your scars work daily to stitch themselves into beauty marks. your eyes continue to burn, dim, but after all those nights you were blown out and neglected.. your heart stayed lit. your lips are longing for a love from someone who loves that you love yourself. it’s time for a kiss. The loyalty in your back holds you up even while aching from the men who claimed they’d hold you down and you effortlessly drowned in. your fingers still play a nostalgic song from the days before you gave yourself away and allowed someone to pollute your mind with the idea that you aren’t breathtaking. you’re everything. you see, sometimes our vision gets blurry and we just so happen to think that others have more beauty. we dilute ourselves to grow into someone less than who we are. Leaving unfinished art on our hearts.. but you can’t love someone into loving you.. you’re better off with your bones picked apart, loving all that you are and all that you were, from the start.

Reyna Biddy

enjoy the silence

At the last boom of the encore, the house lights turn on. I’m scanning the crowd, full of half naked bodies and sweaty faces. I see hand-painted signs that say ‘KREWELLA GET ME WET’…'I DROVE 5 HOURS TO SEE YOU’…and my favorite is usually 'IS YOUR PUSSY WET?’ 4,000 pairs of eyes stare back at me as mascara is running down my cheeks and wet strands of hair are glued to my face. I’m spewing some nonsense over the mic but I can’t hear myself because they are shouting so loud. I’m walking like I have a stick up my butt since my pants are so soaked. I jump over the fence and reach out to as many waving hands as possible and you guys pull me in with such force.

Damn I love you guys. Playing shows and seeing your excitement for our music gives me an overwhelming feeling of warmth through my body. That’s a REAL, mutual understanding of each other right there. And I’m finding this is far more authentic than anything we could find online. This is a human bond. And this is the relationship I want to have with our fans. Not a one-way street with me on a pedestal while everyone is watching in the sidelines while I’m in their timelines, but a genuinely connected relationship where I deliver my best music work and performance- because that’s what you deserve as our investors of support, energy, and love.
That being said I will no longer be maintaining/checking my personal social media accounts Twitter and Instagram- only sharing my writing once in a while via Tumblr. I love technology and I know that social media deserves so much credit for the growth of our group. I’ve watched you guys nurture your own global network to spread the word about us. It makes me so proud to know that we have such a unique fan base unlike any other. It’s quite powerful enough to call an online movement. But lately I’ve been thinking about how I want to distribute my time and creative effort, and what kind of example I set for the small city of online followers you guys have given me. People tend to equate the virtual currency such as followers and 'likes’ with success, and the blue checkmark as legitimacy. And we all work so hard to achieve an elevated status online..but does that really make us happy in reality, or is it just an illusion and impostor for connectivity? 

For those of you who followed me a year ago, you might have noticed I was responding to tweets daily and posting pictures of my experiences a few times a week. I was quite the social media hustler. Before I could barely open my eyes in the morning I would check my twitter to see if anything happened while I was sleeping. And then the cycle would continue every few hours after that, responding to fans and 'checking to if anything happened.’

But that’s the worst way to start the morning. You basically set yourself for dicking around throughout the day. How could I possibly call myself a dedicated artist if my flow of thoughts and ideas are fragmented and intercepted by the urge to refresh my feed or prove what I did that day? And what was I checking for? Why do we all post thoughts, photos, and maintain our profiles online? Acceptance. It all boils down to the fundamental human need- acceptance and sense of belonging. Maybe we feel unworthy in reality…insecure in our relationship…alone even though we are surrounded by others…or bored and can’t focus on our craft. So, we construct an identity online that supplements the emptiness. With every retweet we feel validated; every unknown follower a friend. It’s reassurance that somebody thinks you’re attractive online or values your clever tweet enough to share it. Neurochemicals of happiness are triggered in the brain, and that makes us feel high…to the point where we want hits of it several times a day. And that’s what leads to the compulsive need to post and refresh.

In today’s society we have been coddled into thinking we are in control of our media consumption and that we are 'active’ consumers just because we create our own profiles, go shopping online, respond to tweets, etc. But most of the time we are just lurking…browsing…stalking. That is not active. I think we have abandoned our wisdom..the wisdom to judge character and motives in people, and instead of following our gut and listening to our animal instincts, we are blinded by the portraits people paint of themselves online. We abandoned the wisdom to look away from the screen and genuinely listen to the person talking in the driver’s seat…or look out the window daydream…to patiently wait in line and think…how can we ever contemplate our passions if we are always trying to fill the empty space with a sense of feeling 'busy’ by refreshing a twitter feed or comment stream? Why can’t we just enjoy the silence?
Are you a voyeur or a creator? Slave or a master? Artist or a lurker?
I didn’t start Krewella to be an internet socialite. I didn’t start making music to have an image. Everything else followed. I didn’t start this shit for the charts, numbers, and ratings. When all that jazz starts clouding creative thoughts, the artistic vision becomes unclear and polluted. I started Krewella because making music is straight up fun and cathartic, it was an escape, and writing sometimes is the only way I can harness my thoughts into something meaningful when I cannot express them verbally. Moving forward all I want to give you is my writing, music, creative entertainment, and visual art. And I hope I can get you to THINK.
I hope you understand that the decision to leave my personal social media is not out of a lack of appreciation for our beloved fans or desire to cut off communication with you guys. It’s not me thinking I’m 'above’ social media, or over a trend. Like I said before, social media was and still is integral to our ability to reach endless corners of the world. And what I have to say is by no means a representation of krewella since I cannot speak for my team.
But for my individual presence online, I’d rather remain silent in a system where people are hustling to fit in and bowing down to those with an elevated online status. Sure, maybe I’m trying to prove a point. I might be voicing a very unpopular opinion, but I’d rather stay true to myself than be a people-pleaser and act based on 'likes.’ Perception IS reality, and if we can see through the illusion then maybe we can become more authentic human beings. I hope you can ponder your existence online and if that means anything in reality, or harness your existence online to be revolutionary: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFS6cP9auDc&feature=youtu.be.
I hope you can live outside the screen, find comfort in solitude, pursue your deepest passions with focus, and enjoy the silence.
Also I hope you can make it to a show and experience something I could never offer you over the internet.
All love to you guys, jahan