we accept the love we think

Can I just say that I have never been more happy in my life? Hamilton brought me and my wife closer – it got us through one of the worst traumas of our lives, and it brought me here. Where I get love and support for just being my dorky ass self and drawing my little doodles of these amazing and wonderful characters.

Thank you guys, all of you, so much for being so sweet and supportive of my fun little hobby and continuing to encourage me. You guys are all beautiful and amazing and just

thank you. For showing me personally that being myself is okay. That me and my wife are #goals, you guys are goals, all of you beautiful wonderful people akdhlgs;

I just get so emotional thinking about it I love you all so much ;___; Thank you for being here and existing and being you. <3

anonymous asked:

Franny I identify with your dad Rob hate. Thing is though most of the fandom that keeps rooting for a reunion already wants and adores Seb in the mix. Robron and Seb Coparenting. Aaron loving Seb. And if we take into consideration how Robert falls in love and changes for his son within one day, I'm afraid they will do the same with Aaron. In the name of love, Aaron will accept Seb and you can guess the rest. I know I will stop watching as Aaron is my fav n I don't buy the great love anymore

NONNIE NOO <3

I don’t think people actively want that, it’s just (unless there is a massive twist, which I veer between believing and not believing in) we haven’t been left with much other choice. It’s get onboard or get off at the next station;

I admire the people who can look past Seb’s conception. I just can’t. Soap is about escapism, enjoyment and a very simplistic narrative pay off (it’s a universe where bad people get punished and good people get rewarded). 

If Seb was a real baby, course I would work through my negative emotions and try harder to love him. But he’s not. He’s an abstract. 

And I cannot accept him in Aaron’s life. Aaron has been through too much. He always compromises and backs down. He’s never given any choice. And I don’t want that for him this time. I want his mental health to come first. 

So if Seb stays, I don’t want Robron. 

There I said it. Jesus. Does that feel like a weight off. 

Batman vs Superman was over two hours of two men bickering over who has the biggest brooding cock-I mean, who has the better method of "saving" people and whether or not it's ok for Batman to beat and brand criminals without regarding the fact that not everyone's as wealthy and privileged as his morally upright ass and for Superman to ignore the fact that not everyone's as indestructible as him, meanwhile Wonder Woman over here...

Ok.

Wonder Woman was vastly superior to bvs for two reasons.

-Wonder Woman is actually a likable lady and an idealistic believable super hero who doesn’t spend her entire moving thinking about how she COULD help people.

She charges in, headfirst, wanting to help people she doesn’t even KNOW because she wants to protect the people who’re dying.

-and Wonder Woman was just so much more subtle and less pretentious about its message.

Seriously.

Let’s talk.

Wonder Woman’s CHARACTER is not that she’s cold and heartless and…well, masculine.

She doesn’t EMULATE men.

She doesn’t need to act like a man to be strong.

She coos at a baby and kisses Chris Pine and doesn’t spend the entire movie ragging on women.

She dresses and acts feminine, and embodies kindness, grace, beauty, everything “feminine.”

And she’s also strong as fucking hell.

That is Wonder Woman.

She’s a good person.

She’s not some cold warrior goddess, an untouchable female shaped ideal.

She’s GENUINELY KIND.

She sees people suffering in the trenches and her first thought it, stop what we’re doing, we gotta help.

Chris pine and all of his men?

They’ve seen all of this.

They’ve hardened themselves to the horrors of war and accepted them as inevitable.

But Diana, new to the cruelty of the human world, is disgusted and she asks what’s wrong with you?

What is wrong with us?

We have accepted casualties. We have accepted pain.

We have excused suffering because we told ourselves long ago that we couldn’t do anything about it.

But Diana?

She does not accept that.

She fights, yes. She’s ferocious and she, unlike Batman, doesn’t have a compulsion against killing.

She was raised by warrior women, I mean come on.

But who does she fight for?

The women and children who did nothing wrong.

The injured, hopeless men fighting a war to end all wars.

The entire movie was lovely because all of Diana’s bewilderment at the way humans live was incredible.

She’s shocked at how dirty London is.

She’s not impressed by sex and she’s not impressed by war.

She thinks sexism is strange.

But she doesn’t like, rag on it, because Diana is literally so above it that she just wryly questions it at times.

Like I don’t care what all the whiny fanboys say.

There’s not an overt feminist message in this movie.

There’s no “men are so weak.”

There’s “men are corruptible” but as we see, Diana sees them as worth saving in the end, if only to fulfill her own ideals…

Which is feminist as fuck, I guess, because Diana doesn’t defend men because it’s her job.

She defends them because it’s her decision. Her morality. Her duty.

But the feminism in the movie comes from the fact that she’s so kind.

She breaks down when realizing that Ares isn’t behind it all, that MEN are the ones who are cruel to one another.

She sees the war and it’s only senseless violence to her.

All of the people she wants to help are the victims, and it’s clear cut, to her, who’s bad and who’s not.

But Chris Pine helps her realize that humans aren’t so clear cut.

And so even though she was disgusted by human actions, she still wanted to help the people in need.

I absolutely adore the scene where she’s charging across a battle field to pave the way to the town.

First off, it was so badass watching her knock aside artillery like it was nothing as the men cowered in the pits.

Second, SHE SAW THAT PEOPLE WERE SUFFERING AND SHE DIDNT CALCULATE.

She didn’t do a Batman, where she looked at the risks vs the benefits vs the needs of the many and the few.

She just charged in and did what she could.

Chris Pine told her she couldn’t do anything except help him with his plan, in order to stop the war and save them indirectly.

But Diana is a true warrior with the heart of a lion, man.

She helped them directly, with no nonsense, no politicizing, no planning, just action.

At the end she says love will save humanity?

That’s the kind of feminism Wonder Woman was embodying.

Wonder Woman wasn’t this lone independent operator who sneers at men who try to involve themselves in her business.

She was helped and supported by men, but it was clear that she was the star, the true hero who brought them and their plans together but also gave them a new hope, a new heart.

They were jaded by helplessness and mortal frustration, forced to fight to stand stills and accept human deaths.

She came and showed them something miraculous and wonderful: her power.

But not used to beat someone’s head in with a fucking sink.

Used to do good.

To fight for her morals, which aren’t corrupted by the human world’s greyness, not yet.

I loved this movie.

I loved this movie so much.

DC finally did good and we can stop pretending suicide squad and Batman vs superman were good.

Wonder Woman is the good DC movie.

Don’t even try to tell me BVS was better than Wonder Woman because if you genuinely believe that, either out of pride and obstinacy from all your bickering with marvel fans or out of delusional worshipping of anything DC, then I think you just like watching people beat people in slow motion and uncomfortably lofty , corporate-cut and stylized plots as interesting as watching a landscape time lapse.

Suicide squad was cut to bits by its editors, BVS suffered from some severe Snyder wanking, and justice league, I don’t know, we’ll see.

But Wonder Woman?

Best DC movie since dark knight.

God bless Patty.

I knew we needed a woman in charge to get the job done.

Now direct all sexist comments and sneering remarks about feminazis destroying your precious super hero genre with their “love” themes to my inbox where they’ll be lovingly deleted.

Namjoon went SO DEEP, straight philosopher (AGAIN):

Themes of fate and destiny run through this album. Have you always believed you have a set path?

RM: Nietzsche… one of his famous phrases was amor fati, or ‘love your fate’. Let’s say, me who is born in Korea, and you, Taylor who is born Australia, we can’t change that, we cannot have the same life. Amor fati isn’t just saying leave everything to fate, but to first accept things we can’t change. Love our fate, and our environment, then (think) we could do something with fate and turn directions. We’re on some path that’s set since we’re born, but I still believe we can change some things. So I believe in my faith but I still don’t believe in my fate (laughs).

Originally posted by firelordawesome

Originally posted by hardyness

Originally posted by hardyness

Originally posted by ofthemyscra

Let’s talk about Brienne and Tormund for a second or two. So, for her whole life, Brienne was never a beautiful lady. She was tall, strong, and not significantly good looking (though 10/10 Gwendoline). She was teased and mocked for not being ideal looking her whole life, eventually using that as a form of armor against the world. The only person she ever felt affection for was Renly, because he was kind, but he was just that. Kind. He wasn’t attracted to her. Later, during her time with Jaime, even he is only at most kind to her. Both of them were kind because they needed her strength. Renly in his King’s Guard, Jaime for protection when he could no longer fight. They needed to use her. But still saw her as this large, masculine women. 

Brienne was completely used to being stared at, and so she rolls her eyes and keeps moving when Tormund first lays eyes on her. Her armor is still up. But in every scene that they are together, her reaction to him changes. At first, she is annoyed, somewhat repulsed by him. But as seen in 7x01, he startles her. He distracts her. This is because Tormund is unlike any other man she has ever interacted with. As seen when he speaks to the Hound North of the Wall, he finds her strength and power extremely attractive. Unlike Jaime and Renly who needed her power but still found her unattractive, her power is what draws Tormund in. 

Which confuses the shit out of her. She doesn’t know how to accept love. Her mother died when she was young, she didn’t have siblings, her father tried to marrying her off but eventually gave in and taught her to fight, but not because he wanted to. Many characters have become fond of her, but Tormund is seemingly the first character who actually loves her for who she is. She doesn’t know whether or not to lower her armor and accept it or not. For so long she was told “No, everything about you is wrong and bad” that for someone to feel that everything about her is good and right literally doesn’t not compute in her head. She doesn’t know how to accept love, because she has never thought she deserved it.

I'm sure they know.

I’m sure Sean knows he’s a wonderful inspiration and and the cutest green bean ever, he’s been on the internet and popular for a while. He’s heard it before.

Same goes for Mark. I’m sure he knows we know that he is so damn impressive and smart in everything he does, he’s heard it before.

And surely Felix, by now, knows that his audience is there for a reason, and that he’s got a good head on his shoulders.

Ethan must know that he’s wonderful and can do almost anything at 20, and we support him through that.

I’m sure they’ve been reassured that they’re beautiful, too. Hell we make art of them daily.

They know.

But does Tyler know HE was the actively saving my life? Not Mark? That he is a walking miracle of a human in the way he acts, and WE KNOW IT.

Does Robin know that when some of us see a really funny part in a JSE video, a close up or a few pop up things. We think of that funny Swedish dude that we barely see but god we love him. (Additionally hes so impressive? Like??? Antisepticeye is part jack but also a HUGE part Robin go dude)

Does Katherine know, as the resident brown haired woman with glasses in teamiplier that she makes me accept myself as the brown haired girl with glasses because she is so damn beautiful

Does AMY know, that she is so passionate about what she loves and that drives some of us everyday. I want to be like Amy Nelson! And FUCK NO, when I say that I do not mean I want to date Mark. I want to be loving, passionate, and talented. And she’s a fucking good inspiration. (Even though she has a channel, still saying this, because it’s true and it might not have reached her yet)

Does Signé know she makes some of us feel not so alone anymore? That woman dealt with depression and anxiety and still deals with some today. She’s creative, she’s wonderful, she’s beautiful and when I say I want to be like Signe Hansen I don’t mean Sean’s girlfriend because I want to be creative and I want to fight off my depression and I am, with her help. (Even though she has a channel, I’m still saying this)

Gods sake, does MARZIA KNOW she is a sweetheart and smart and talented and not just Felix’s girlfriend because just a little scroll through the comments on her channel saying she’s using him for views makes me sorta insulted. Marzia is loving, and sweet and beautiful and when I say I want to be like Marzia Bisognin I don’t mean Felix’s girlfriend I mean a kind, loving and sweet woman with an impeccable fashion sense. Do all these people get left slightly behind and never told this, only getting indirect praise because it’s targeted at Mark? Or Sean? Or Ethan? Or Felix? I want Tyler, Robin, Katherine, Amy, Signe and Marzia to know they’re just as important as their friends/ significant others to some of us. Reblog with your own thoughts on these guys! Spread the love!

August 24, 2017

To the boy with the green eyes,

Remember the last time we saw each other? 
In your little blue car….
We poured our hearts out to one another. 
We cried on each other’s shoulders.
I confessed my love to you. 
You confessed your love to me. 
But you didn’t confess that this night was going to be your last.  

You stopped by to pick up your (very) late Christmas present. 
You knew how bad I had been, and asked what was wrong. 
We walked to your little blue car, put the windows down on that cold chilly moonlit night, and talked. 
I told you everything that was happening to me: 
My ex-boyfriend and his new guy. 
A friend that I thought I could trust. 
And a lover that broke my heart. 
I also told you I was in a very dark place. 
Do you remember what I said to you?
I’m too ashamed to confess what I did to myself. 
Please don’t make me say it. 
I don’t want to see you cry again. 
Your beautiful emerald looking eyes don’t deserve to have tears in them. 
They need to keep sparkling and smiling. 

After we cried together, I confessed my love to you. 
I didn’t expect you to say anything. 
I didn’t expect you to feel the same way. 
I just wanted you to listen. 
I remember looking into those dazzling green eyes, holding your hand, and telling you: 
“I know this sounds cheesy. And I know that it may not seem true. But this is the truth. I promise. I love you. I love you so much. And I want to let you know that I will always love you. No matter what. I don’t care if you’re with someone new. I don’t care if I’m with someone new. I don’t even care if I haven’t talked to you in months, or even years. I will always love you.”
You didn’t say anything. 
You just nodded as tears fell down your cheek from your watery green eyes. 

Then, I asked you what you wanted from me. 
You said:
“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I never know what the right choice is. I never know what the right thing to do is. I always hurt you. I don’t want to keep hurting you. We had a lot of fun. And that’s all I wanted at first. And that’s what happened. I liked you. I really did. A lot. Then things changed. I wanted to hang out with you every day and be with you every day. And we did that. I wanted to be closer to you. And we did that too. Then stuff happened, and I got scared. I don’t know. I was scared to be happy. I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I wasn’t prepared at all for how I felt about you. I didn’t know how to take it to the next level. I didn’t know how to be your boyfriend.” 

These words still bring tears to my eyes.  
It’s as if we are star-crossed lovers; forever living different paths in our lives that don’t have any connection in the end, denying us of any chance of living a life together. 
But how can that be when we are existing at the same time?
You’re alive. 
I’m alive. 
And I have never felt more alive with anyone else than when I’m with you. 
Just the way you look at me with those alluring eyes is what convinces me that you are in love with me too. 
So why aren’t we together? 
Why are you with someone else? 
Why are you with her?
Is it because she can give you a family?
Is it because you want to believe she’s the one for you?
Not just you though, for your whole family. 
She’s someone they will accept. 
Nobody would accept me into your family. 
I think we both know that for sure. 

Two hundred and twenty-one days have passed since that night happened. 
I’ve gone through many stages of:
Hating you. 
Worrying about you. 
Wondering if you’re dead.
Wondering if you’re alive. 
Pretending you’re dead. 
Wishing for your presence. 
All while still loving you. 
It’s torture. 

I don’t know if I should give up. 
Or if I should keep waiting for you. 
Because a part of me feels that I will never find anybody like you. 

Nobody’s going to look at me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to touch me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to care about me the way you did. 
And nobody’s going to understand me the way you do.

Every time I talk to someone new, I compare them to you. 
I know that’s wrong, but it’s true and I can’t help it. 
That’s when I start to believe that they’re not good enough for me. 
Because I need to find somebody that’s so good that they make me forget about you…
I know that’s not fair and I think that’s what keeps me from letting people in. 
I put this steel cage around my heart when you left me, and you’re the only one with the key to open it. 
I just wish you would talk to me. 
I wish you would tell me to move on, but your silence speaks louder than words. 
It drives me crazy; leads me to believe that I did something wrong, but I didn’t. 
Maybe it’s your way of keeping me in the sidelines when things get bad with you and her. 
I don’t see how that’s fair, but I love you so much that I don’t care. 
I’ll take any excuse you give me to come back, so long as I get to see your face again. 

I’m sorry. 
I’m sorry for getting close to you. 
I’m sorry for burdening you with my problems. 
I’m sorry for loving you. 
I’m sorry for all of this. 
Maybe things would’ve been simpler if we just didn’t meet. 
But as people say, “Two souls don’t just meet by simple coincidence.”
I start to wonder why you came into my life. 
Or was it I that came into yours?
I wonder if you’ll ever come back to me, even as a friend. 
I miss you. 
I miss you so dearly. 
Please stay alive while I exist. 
Whether it’s a year or ten, I will wait for you. 
Because I love you, and I want to believe that we are meant to be together. 
I want to wake up every morning to those lovely green eyes of yours. 

I forgive you.
I forgive you for pretending that I don’t exist.
I forgive you for leaving me with no explanation.
I forgive you for choosing her over me.
I forgive you  for falling for me.
I get it now.
We are just simply not meant to be.
But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with that. 

You know me…
You know I always have so much to say to you.
You know I could write books about my love for you. 
But I have one more important thing to say….

Happy birthday. 

Love always and forever, 
The boy with the brown eyes 

✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’
‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’
‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’
‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’
‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’
‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’
‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’
‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’
‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’
‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’
‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’
‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’
‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’
‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’
‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’
‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’
‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’
‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’
‘  i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’
‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’
‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’
‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’
‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’
‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’
‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’
‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’
‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’
‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’
‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’
‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’
‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’
‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’
‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’
‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’
‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’
‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’
‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’
‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’
‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’
‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’
‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’
‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’
‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’
‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’
‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’
‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’
‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’
‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’
‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’
‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’
‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’
‘  honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’
‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’
‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’
‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’
‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’
‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’
‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’
‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’
‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’
‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’
‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’
‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’
‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’
‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’
‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’
‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’
‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’
‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’
‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  you can start again anytime!  ’
‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’
‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’
‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’
‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’
‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’
‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’
‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’
‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’
‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’
‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’
‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’
‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’
‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’
‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’
‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’
‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’
‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’
‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’
‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’
‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’
‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’
‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’
‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’
‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’
‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’
‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’
‘  you son of a mumford!  ’
‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’
‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’
‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’
‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’
‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’
‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’
‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’
‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’
‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’
‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’
‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’
‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’
‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’
‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’
‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’
‘  i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over?  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’
‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’
‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

And now I’m gonna make you all feel bad for not trusting Shiro

And explain why new ugly hair Shiro is the Shiro we know and love.

First of all:

If this Shiro is a clone, operation “Kuron” would be fucking dumb.

Like real dumb.

And here’s why.

So like lets say they captured Shiro after the Zarkon fight and made a Shiro “clone” or whatever who’s goal is to infiltrate Voltron or something.

Atleast that’s what it seems like the goal is because this dude says 

when Shiro escapes and they shoot his ship. So like it seems like they let him escape on purpose.

Thing is…

Shiro nearly dies like 50 fucking times before he reaches Voltron (BY FUCKING MIRACLE)!!

I mean just think of ALL the coincidences that had to happen for Shiro to get to Voltron.

I dunno if he’s like the least lucky person in the universe or the most lucky, because of how he’s ALWAYS almost dying in some way and ALWAYS escapes death against all odds.

But that was one heck of an incredible journey there!

But seriously, if Keith wasn’t looking for Shiro non stop and Shiro didn’t connect to black in that very second, the Galra’s “clone” would have died. Their project “Kuron” would fucking FAIL. 

I think if that really was the Galra’s goal to make a clone that would reach Voltron they would have made it a tiiiiny bit easier for him to survive somehow.

Just a tiiny bit. 

They dun have to go THAT FAR to convince him he actually escaped and they didn’t just let him go. Just you kno, give him a bit of a push there when he’s starving in space or something (assuming they somehow keep track of him). 

They dun have to go that far also for the viewers to fool em that Shiro escaped so him being a Clone would be a surprise later. I mean they just changed his hair a bit and no one in the fandom trusts him anymore haha.

So unless that ice planet and the universe is like filled with dead Shiro clones bodies who were eaten by monsters or froze to death or died of hunger or whatever, because of all times the clones didn’t make it, and the Galra were just waiting for that one special one that finally would, then I’m guessing that maybe something else is going on.

Because there’s no way that they’d just let him go like that and trust what? FATE to bring him to Voltron unharmed SOMEHOW???

Like that’s a dumb fucking plan.

So I dunno, unless the Galra know that no matter what happens Shiro and Keith always find eachother again and again like a pair of destined lovers.

I’m gonna say…

Complete bullshit. I dun buy it.

OK, Now how long has it actually been? Like how much time passed from their battle with Zarkon till they meet with Lotor? How much time passes until Haggar even summons Lotor?

What if it’s actually been longer than you thought? 

What if it’s been like… I dunno, a year?

Thing is that when we go back to Team Voltron in season 3, they seems to think Shiro is gone, dead, like they act like they all moved on and Keith is the only one who’s still stuck there.

I doubt you get to that point after a day or two, or a week, or months even… (They love Shiro, I dun think they’d give up on looking for him after such a short time or get over his death this easily..)

It’s at a point where they all like “Ok Keith, that’s enough time to mourn, we all accepted it and you have to move on too”

I know they all look the same, and there’s not alot of indication of how much time exactly it’s been.

But it does seem like they’ve been doing what they were doing (freeing planets, Pidge looking for her brother) for AWHILE.

This would explain Shiro’s long hair. It simply been long enough for it to grow that long since he disappeared.

(btw there’s a genetic thing that makes your hair grow really fast that also makes a flock of your hair white in the front, Shiro could totally have that

Also the fact he can’t walk at first can be explained with him just not doing that for awhile.

Now when Shiro is finally free he SOMEHOW makes it to that Gas planet they were fighting Lotor at the first time.

Voltron is leaving the scene and Shiro appears and chases it here

I actually looked to see if we can see him but we don’t.

(I also didn’t realize it my first watch, and now every time I’ll see the 3rd episode I’ll be like “NoooOOOOOOOOOOOO you fools wait for hiiim!!!!”)

Shiro sees Voltron leaving him behind.

Besides the fact that he knows this is probably the end for him now, it also shows him two things:

They moved on.

And they are doing well without him.

Anyway, 7 days later, Shiro is dying, thinks of his Voltron days and connects to the Black lion in the last minute.

And Keith (who hasn’t stopped searching for him, now with black lion)

finally finds him.

Now besides the headache, I actually dun particularly see anything really strange about Shiro’s behavior when he goes back.

Watching it again I just got the feeling he just has a really hard time accepting what happened with Black.

I dun see a reason to not believe what Keith suggests there, that Zarkon teleported him to captivity using the Black lion.

Shiro seems upset about it because 

What does it tells Shiro? 

That his bond with black was still not strong enough.

Like, he had so much fighting spirit when he escaped before, and suddenly when he finally reaches Voltron he’s depressed in bed and seems like he doesn’t want to see anyone?

What happened???

Like yeah he wanted Keith to lead Voltron, but I think maybe then seeing the team actually function without him and forming Voltron and fighting the Galra, and considering how much Voltron means to him and his struggle with his PTSD and how Voltron literally been the only thing on his mind when he was dying. 

I think it’s a bit hard for him to accept what he sees when he comes back..

He sounds fake here

Because he’s not being honest. 

Deep inside it hurts him to see they did fine without him.

When Keith goes “They need you”, he lies.

He’s the only one that needs him. The team has moved on. Maybe he says it because he can’t say “I” or feels like he’s not enough, maybe he’s trying to encourage Shiro, because he understands how Shiro feels, without Shiro needing to say anything. He always did. From the very beginning.

So maybe it’s like “Hey Shiro, I know how much this means to you and you’re still a valuable part of this team

Shiro obviously doesn’t want to go back on his word and be all “Ok Keith, so give me back my lion now!”

But Keith does it for him, and I think you can see Shiro is very happy about it.

Only the lion won’t accept him anymore.

And before this you also have that scene with Lance doing math that I think connects the two

Shiro feels like Lance, he feels like he has no place on the team anymore.

But he doesn’t deal with it in the open, honest and good way Lance does. (which is the reason Black won’t accept him anymore, he’s not thinking of the team)

That’s why he butts heads with Keith over leadership in this episode, and we can see even in the season 4 trailer that it goes on.

I think his position as a paladin and leader of Voltron gave him control over his life back after what he’s been through. In a way that was how he coped with his captivity and his PTSD.

He’s obviously proud of Keith, but I think he’s also jealous and hurt. 

I dun think he’s ready to accept he’s no longer leader or a part of Voltron.

(Like he’s proud of Keith, but he still puts him down saying “You’ll get there someday”)

And I think Keith understand where it’s coming from and he doesn’t buy it.

He puts himself down and says he can’t do this because he wants Shiro to feel needed and important.

And Shiro is doing what ya’ll Shiro stans have been doing for months haha, crying about him not being the black paladin anymore and how all his work on his bond with black was meaningless now that Keith is in it.

Shiro’s bond with his lion meant the most, he was the one who had to put the most effort into it. And suddenly, it gives him up. I think Shiro feels betrayed even.

And he’s not ready to do what Lance did with his lion yet and give it up for the sake of the team (maybe some Lance and Shiro bonding in the future??)

That’s why it seems like they are heading for a leadership conflict there. That Shiro would try to make Keith feel like he’s not ready for this. Unintentionally. 

And Keith would continue to play along with it, (though being the more fitting person for the position of leader) because maybe that’s what he’s been doing all along from episode one. Trying to gently give Shiro the power and the control he lost when he was captured by the Galra, back. (Without directly confronting Shiro about his PTSD.) (would explain their odd dynamics)

Thing is Shiro is just not as good as Keith with leading Voltron. And I think he’s gonna mess up AGAIN.

It’s like we are back in square one, where Keith is the one that has the right idea in mind and no one listens and they all listen to Shiro who makes BAD decisions.

( Shiro WTF 1 Shiro WTF 2 Shiro WTF 3 Shiro WTF 4,)

This is leading to them finding their balance as leaders and co leaders.

Now Shiro’s leadership is centered around teamwork and protecting his team. 

Keith is the better decision maker (and I have a long rant about Keith coming, because I dun think people understand why Keith is the perfect person for black still.)

I’m just gonna say Keith is definitely the leader they need in they ever want to beat Lotor. 

This all seems like buildup to Shiro finally opening up about his PTSD, and him piloting blue (the team work lion) which I talked about before also. I’m guessing he and Allura will be sharing it, Because someone needs to pilot the castle once in awhile.

This is a very natural arc for Shiro, so I doubt they’ll let a clone go though it.

And back to the clone thing:

The flashbacks Shiro sees when he escapes, seem to me like his regular PTSD flashbacks. There’s something in his memories Shiro is terrified of.

Obviously the clone IS a thing, because we see two Shiro’s. And obviously the Galra has some sort of plan for it.

But the clone is the one we saw in the bed, this is Kuron:

The Shiro that they got back is the real Shiro, or atleast the same Shiro from season 1-2. (who is the Shiro that arrived on Earth, but maybe not the Shiro that went to Kerberos btw)

And the Galra didn’t let him go, they just assumed they shot him down and he died. So they could start doing whatever they had planned to do with his clone.

They just have no idea real Shiro survived and is gonna fuck up their plans.

I’m guessing the headaches are connected to that somehow.

And this part

I’m gonna have to say maybe this isn’t just connected to Keith actually physically saving Shiro all the time. 

But also to Shiro’s ongoing probably life long battle with his PTSD, Keith is always there to kinda always remind him like “Your’e still valuable, your life is valuable, don’t give up.”

Now go embrace your even uglier hair Shiro and tell him you’re sorry for not trusting him.

Episode 10 from Yuuri’s POV

We see episode 10 almost all through Viktor’s perspective, note how Yuuri is shown sleeping at both the beginning and the end,

because this is Victor’s episode and not Yuuri’s and Victor has a wildly different perspectives on things, emphasized by the banquet reveal.

But lets think about ep 10 if we assume that Yuuri was going to follow through on his thoughts in ep 9.

I’ve seen some complaint that ep 11 feels weak or lacks foreshadowing, and I think it may have too subtle, but it was built up if you stop and think about it.

In particular if we accept the idea that Yuuri is doing everything in episode 10 as his last day to spend with Victor:

1) explains why he asks for Victor to take him sight seeing and shopping because he knows Victor loves this sort of stuff even if as Victor notes that this isn’t something Yuuri is into, which once again suggests he was doing it for Victor.

This then doubles as a sort of character development moment for Yuuri because look at him be sensitive to the wants of another person. The fact that the blu-ray changed it to Yuuri winking at Victor, something associated with Victor not Yuuri, emphasizes the fact that this wasn’t about Yuuri’s personal desire to sight see. It was his personal desire to spend time with Victor and see Victor enjoy himself.

Also note how Yuuri is looking in the opposite direction from Victor as Victor is theorizing about why Yuuri decided on sightseeing and the answer he comes up with is that Yuuri is just so stressed that he’s reacting strangely. This isn’t the case, thus Yuuri looking in another direction.

2) Also this might partly explain why Yuuri freaks out about the nuts as much as he does, on one hand he is an anxious person, but his insistence on replacing the bag makes a lot of sense if you consider its really about Yuuri freaking out over there being an unpleasant flaw in what’s supposed to be his perfect last day with Victor.

In the scene right after Yuri and Otabek agree to be friends Victor narrates “Back to my story” which is funny, but also emphasizes the fact that this is really being told from Victor’s POV who because he was absent at the Rostelcom doesn’t really have a clue about what Yuuri has decided.

This is also why when they exchange rings Yuuri does it with all the significant and romantic subtext there is, but he doesn’t explicitly say anything because on one hand Yuuri speaks with his actions not his words sort of guy, but also he knows this is the end but gold with its symbolism of eternity (a whole other post tbh) it embodies his desire to be tied to Victor even though he knows they’re going to be separated soon.

Thus his complicated reaction to the engagement where he gets a weird determined face at Victor for calling it that, but he doesn’t vocally confirm because he can’t make that sort of promise at this point in time.

Tldr: if you read episode 10 from Yuuri’s POV it’s actually really sad.

All of the angry anti-radfem stuff that I see about periods has lately been bothering me. I’ve been in my bed today, with heating pads and ibuprofen, trying to distract myself from my uterus twisting around, and I’ve been giving it some thought.

A few days ago I saw someone say that older radfems “teach younger women to drink period blood”. I see complains about uterus artwork, about women who use period blood in their wiccan/witchcraft rituals, women being asked not to speak about their periods as women, and of course women describing vulvas as a “nightmare of flesh”. We’re accusing of reducing ourselves to genitalia, of being obsessed with our periods, told that nobody is oppressed because of their menstrual cycle (sometimes, of course, they add “in America”, as if female oppression is something else we’ve outsourced).

My mom told me that, when she was a kid, she didn’t wrap up a tampon enough when she threw it in the trash. Her dad called her in and hit her because “her brothers could have seen”. She tells me that one of the first times she fell in love with my dad was when she found out he kept tampons in his bathroom “just in case”. 

I remember being told that I couldn’t use the bathroom once in middle school, as I had already gone that class. My friend gave me a sweatshirt to tie around my waist after I bled through my pants. 

I remember in gym class, when we went out to run, trying to explain to my male teacher that I couldn’t run because I was on my period. He told me that I didn’t have a sick note and that telling him was inappropriate. I threw up on the track.

When I talk to doctors about my irregular periods, they tell me I must use hormonal birth control. We don’t have any medications that weren’t made to make women sexually available. The “period” you get on birth control is withdrawal from hormones. Nobody tells me for years that hormonal birth control doesn’t mix with mood disorders. Five doctors put me on this routine. Each time I go crazy. When I refuse with the last doctor, tell her I can’t do it again, she tells me to “grow up”.

My period hurts, hurts more than it should, with PCOS. My grandmother had it, had surgery after surgery like many women in her family, to remove ovaries bit by bit. They wouldn’t take them all out at first because, the doctors said, they might want to give birth. My grandmother calls it “her cancer”, because that’s how the doctor described it to her.

I know a woman who passed out in class. The teacher called an ambulance, and when they got there and she woke up she was mortified. She had endometriosis and she was angry that others had seen her in pain. I read later that cramps can be more painful than a heart attack. 

I ask if I can postpone a meeting at a job until the next day. My co-worker asks if I am PMSing because I’ve been so grumpy all day. I go to the restroom and vomit, because the nausea from my period is so awful. I miss days sometimes because I can’t make it out of bed.

So when I see positivity about periods, when I see people trying to make art about this thing we have in common, when I see women talking about ways to make their period more comfortable, when I see the stitched pads they make, when I see people who can view the period as somehow divine, I truly do appreciate it. It isn’t gross, or awful. What’s gross and awful is telling us to be silent, not letting us learn, not making accommodations, the idea that this is a thing that we have to actively hide.

I don’t think those things are “glorifying” periods, but so what if they are? I think that taking something that hurts and making it into something positive and beautiful is incredible. I think that accepting ourselves as we are and finding ways to love that are some of the best things we can do in life.

So, as I lay here, in a lot of pain, I just want to say thanks for all the talk about menstruation. I love your uterus art. I love the things that I’ve learned from women about menstruation–why we have periods and how that relates to our bodies avoiding pregnancy, what normal periods should look like, signs and symptoms of gynecological disorders, and how to use menstrual products that are less toxic to our bodies.

Our periods shouldn’t have a stigma, and we should remember that we aren’t alone. Cheers, and I hope all of you have a great day today :)

Sometime in the future...

…when Dex realizes he’s not poor anymore.

“can we get a headboard, too?”

Dex hated that voice. It was a voice he hadn’t heard come out of his mouth in a long time, since before him and Nursey got married, before they graduated, before he started seeing a therapist. It was a voice that said, ’a no would break me’ underneath the real words of his question.

It was how he used to ask for hugs, and how he asked, three months into their fuck-buddy relationship, for Nusey to please stay the night, just once, nobody ever stays.

Nursey gave him a long, appraising look, but Dex knew he wouldn’t ask why, all of a sudden, Dex sounded so unsure of himself. Just like Dex knew, eventually, he’d tell Nursey why something so silly as a headboard was so important to him.

He gave a small smile instead, kissed Dex’s cheek, and said, “That’s chill.”

They got out of their truck, a purchase that Nursey made without Dex because he knew his husband could never justify the price to himself, even though they could afford it a hundred times over. Between Dex’s NHL salary and Nursey and Lardo’s line of children’s books, there wasn’t really anything they couldn’t afford.

Which is why Dex hated how small and broken his voice sounded when he asked if they could buy a headboard.

With the new contract Dex signed, finally featuring a no trade clause, they decided to buy a house. Nursey went all out; he spent weeks touring places, picking out furniture, and giving Dex the silent treatment (apparently ‘whatever you want’ isn’t the right answer). The only thing left was a new mattress.

They saved it specifically for a week when Dex didn’t have any scheduling conflicts. He tried to tell Nursey that it was fine, he could go ahead and buy one without Dex there, but he refused, insisting that a mattress was an individual experience, both of them had to agree.

They both knew that, in the end, Dex wouldn’t have an opinion. A bed was a bed to him, and any bed was better than no bed. It felt nice to have a full day with his husband, though.

They stood in front of a huge mattress store, and for some reason, Dex felt uncertain. There was something about this, buying a bed, that made everything real to him. He was an adult. He was well off financially. And he was about to walk into a store hand in hand with his husband. And he was happy.

He wasn’t the angry kid from Maine, anymore.

A saleswoman nearly a foot shorter than the couple (call me Cici!) dragged them all over the store, practically pushing them down on mattresses and asking about their firmness. She asked about hteir opinon on memory foam versus tempurpedic, about fabrics and springs and coils and all sorts of questions Nursey has answers for that Dex can’t make heads or tails of.

He zones out a bit, but jumps back into the conversation when the topic of temperature comes up (so, are you two warm blooded or do you use a lot of blankets at night?). He had no idea that they made some mattresses cooler than others, but yes they wanted to try those out, because his husband is a furnace and the three stupid cats Nursey snuck home were like little fuzzy ovens.

So, they go to the other side of the store and try out hybrids (of what, Dex really couldn’t say). Without even trying it out, Nursey pointed at one of the set-ups and declared, “it’s going to be this one.” Dex had to admit that it was pretty comfortable. He didn’t feel like he was sinking into the mattress, which was nice.

Nursey clamored on top, cuddling into Dex’s side with a smug grin. “Told you it was this one.”

Still grinning, Nursey asked Cici, “Can you show us some headboard options?”

There was an entire room of them. Bed frames and headboards and footboards. Big quilted ones that Dex thought would go great in his baby sister’s princess room, studded leather ones, wrought iron frames that looked a little too bondage for Dex’s comfort.

Dex wasn’t sure what his face was doing, but  Cici told them quietly that she would give them a few minutes to look around, even though she had been attached at to their side for the hour they had been in the store.

They wandered around, looking at all the choices. Dex knew he held Nursey’s hand a little too hard, but Nursey didn’t say anything. He let Dex take the lead, inputting his opinion but never tryng to influence Dex, never pushing him to talk about it.

They made two circuits of the room before stopping (for the second time) in front of a simple padded headboard. It wasn’t anything fancy, just smooth, cream colored fabric. Dex ran a finger over the display. It was softer than it looked.

“I don’t understand headboards. Or footboards. They’re totally pointless.”

In the past, that may have been an invitation for Nursey to chirp Dex, to ask what the hell they were doing buying one if Dex thought it was pointless. But after so many years together, Nursey knew Dex needed to talk it out, not have a conversation.

“Did you know that before I went to Samwell, I never slept in a real bed?”

“I didn’t, babe.”

Dex never took his eyes off the headboard. “For a while I had a matress thrown on the floor in me and Adam’s room, but then I gave it to Hannah and I started sleeping on some sleeping bags on the floor. I told myself it was like camping. Even when I imagined my house, I never imagined a having a real bed. What’s the piont of buying something that’s totally pointless? It’s just a waste of money.”

Nursey ran a warm hand up and down Dex’s back. Dex rarely talked about his childhood. It was one of the only things they still faught about sometimes: Nursey taking their money for granted and Dex not being able to accept that he can spend money when he wants to.

“But we can buy this. We can buy something that’s totally pointless, just because I want it.”

It wouldn’t match the room, even a little bit. The whole house was stark greys and bright whites, accents of bright colors. The cream fabric would stick out like a sore thumb. It was meant for a softer house. There was something about it that Dex like, though. He couldn’t put his finger on what, exactly, but he loved it.

“What do you think?”

Nursey didn’t bother to look away from Dex when he answered. “I think it’s great, babe. It’ll look good in the bedroom.”

Dex gave him a hard look. “really.”

“Okay, no. but if you like it, then I couldn’t care less.”

And just like that,they bought it. And later that night, in their brand new bed, in their house (their house, not a house they were renting), Dex slept better than he could ever remember sleeping.

[15]

I ADORE 

THE FACT THAT

KUROGANE IS SAYING THIS IN ANGER

AND YET

IT IS ALSO QUITE LITERAL

BECAUSE ALL KUROGANE HAS TO DO IS NOT AGREE TO IT AND IT WILL QUITE LITERALLY KILL FAI, IF FAI WANTS TO DIE THAT BADLY

But also that’s not actually an option Kurogane is giving him, not really.

Kurogane is saying he HAS to live. 

That is the ONLY option he has here. Kurogane is paying the price to keep Fai alive, and after that? If Fai genuinely wants to step off to the next plane of existence? They can sort it out then. 

BUT RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW, KUROGANE IS KEEPING FAI ALIVE, END OF STORY. 

And as far as he is concerned, Fai should live with him until they both die together. 

AND

NOW 

I’M CRYING

HE GETS IT THOUGH.

FAI GETS IT. 

IT SHOCKS THE HELL OUT OF HIM IN THE MIDDLE PANEL THERE, BECAUSE I DONT THINK HE EXPECTED IT. 

I THINK HE GENUINELY WAS QUITE SET ON DYING. 

BUT THEN IT ALL KICKS IN AND HE

GIVES IN

AND ACCEPTS THAT THIS IS HAPPENING

AND HE JUST

CLOSES HIS EYES

AND SOFTLY SMILES 

To everyone who asks why there isn’t a straight pride

Pride wasn’t born because of a need for validation or celebration, it was not born for simple reasons. It was not born for the simple idea of being proud, the lgbt+/saga community is not saying ‘straight people cannot be proud of who they are’. No, you should be proud of your sexuality and every other part of who you are. But you should also know that you do not need a parade, because by being straight you automatically get a pass saying ‘congratulations you have always, and remain completely accepted by society regarding your sexuality’. And you get multiple other passes that I won’t go on about now, but all these benefits of being 100% accepted: you have them. Why does this mean you don’t need a straight pride?

Because pride was born of a fight for acceptance and respect, and all the things you have had handed directly to you and take for granted. Pride for the lgbt+/saga community is about being proud of who we are after being continually told we shouldn’t be and that we should hide who we are. Being proud of who we are after everyone told us not to be, our own families, friends, society, even ourselves. It’s about finally winning a battle and saying ‘you know what, I deserve to love myself, I deserve to be proud. Fuck what anyone thinks.’ Pride is about being told you shouldn’t exist or don’t exist and shouting out that you do and you’re proud of that. That you are happy to be completely yourself. 

It’s about acknowledging a history of violence and hatred towards people like you, and showing them how far they have gotten the world, how far everyone has come thanks to their fight. Showing that you are still fighting. It’s about a community all bonded by this one thing: a need to be accepted and respected and a need to love- no matter what gender. It’s about a community who all had to learn to love themselves and each other, because they are worth it. And who had to fight for their place in this world.

So, pride isn’t about showing off or saying ‘we are better than you’. It’s about all of this, it’s about, after all we have been through saying ‘I’m proud of who I am and I’m happy to be alive’. And yes of course you can join in on this, of course you can be proud. But do it alongside us, do it with respect towards our past and what we are still fighting for. Be someone who fights with us so one day lgbt+/saga kids won’t even know how it feels for a world to not want them to merely exist. So that all those benefits will be extended to everyone and pride can finally be a ‘we made it’ celebration. So don’t be ignorant and laugh off everything we stand for, don’t diminish all our hard work in one simple sentence. And be glad that you don’t need a straight pride.


@maisiek

Can Conscious K-Pop Cross Over? BTS & BigHit Entertainment CEO ‘Hitman’ Bang on Taking America

On April 2, BTS played the fifth and final date of a sold-out U.S. arena run, performing to the shrieking fans who helped the group’s second full-length album, Wings, become the first K-pop project to crack the top 40 of the Billboard 200 in 2016. Since debuting in 2013, the seven-piece boy band has become a commercial behemoth in its native South Korea while continuing to make inroads within American pop culture. “Change,” an English-language hip-hop collaboration between BTS member Rap Monster and U.S. star Wale, was released three days before the kickoff of the stateside run.

“Change” touches on topics like voting rights and online harassment, while some of BTS’ biggest hits have addressed mental health. “Worldwide, our young generation shares the same issues socially and politically,” says BTS member Suga. Although K-pop music generally steers away from controversy, Rap Monster says that remaining outspoken “is important to us. And the bigger the voice we get, the more powerful our words become.”

A new BTS album is already underway and more U.S. dates might be on the way later this year. Bang Si Hyuk, the CEO and Executive Producer of label/management agency BigHit Entertainment who is better known as “Hitman” Bang, hints at “special features” designed for international listeners but thinks BTS will continue playing to its base.

“I’m not a believer in releasing full English songs to the U.S. market, like many K-pop artists have,” Bang tells Billboard in his first-ever interview with American press. “We must focus on what we do best as K-pop artists and producers and maybe add some special features to which international or U.S. music fans can feel attached. That is the best way for me to put K-pop into the mainstream U.S. music market and, in that regard, BTS will participate and perform in a way that is not much different from what they have been doing in the last three years. We’re adjusting and improving the way we do shows on the tour to meet the international or global level and expectations so that anyone, regardless of their culture and background, can enjoy BTS music and performances.”

Bang is sure to add that the group will be “very active and responsive in releasing new songs that would come out of collaborations with international artists, like 'Change.’” And, looking ahead, both the CEO and band see their most recent accomplishments as inspiration to achieve even more in the future.

“I’m so excited and thrilled at the response to the U.S. tour,” Bang says. “It’s still overwhelming and unbelievable at some point. I even further feel responsible for producing better music and production for fans around the world and I’d definitely think harder on what makes fans enthusiastic and passionate about BTS music and the band.” Meanwhile, the ambition within the group is perhaps best felt when member V winks that the group has “grander goals”; as if arena shows are just the beginning of what he and his band mates plan to accomplish around the world.

Below read on for an extended interview with BTS held before the tour kicked off. All member answers are taken via a translator except for Rap Monster.

With five arena shows, this tour is so huge and I think the main reason for that and why you guys are doing so well in America is because you sing about personal topics. Why is that so important to talk about in your music?

​Suga: Worldwide, our young generation shares the same issues socially and politically. I think that young people feel the same way about similar issues and BTS wants to cheer them up with our songs and talk about our feelings and social issues.

Rap Monster: These topics, like you said, they’re important, right? They should be told by someone. Someone should talk about it. And if someone should talk about it, then it feels like we have to talk about it. It’s very much an honor that we get power and attention from our fans them when we use our voices more. It’s important to us and the bigger the voice that we get, the more powerful that our words become.

These topics – loneliness, mental health, bullying – you don’t hear about in K-pop or even Korean culture much. Or, really, in American pop music either. Have you ever worried it might get a negative or opposite response?

​Suga: There are people who think negatively and there have been people who react negatively towards BTS’ music. But I think it’s way more important to make music with those issues because I think it’s important to encourage people to fight for those issues and, through the music, have a resolution for those issues. But I’m going to continue to talk about those issues through the music anyway. [Laughs]

Do you think K-pop needs to get more personal to gain a wider audience? Would you like to see that more in future?

Rap Monster: We still need some party songs, we still need some light love songs. I love to listen to them and feel the vibe from that. Everyone has their luggage and their shadows, but it’s up to everyone’s own [devices]. But we’re us. I think if we talk about it and if it gets more voice and attention, then maybe there are a lot of people in the world that accept us start to talk about those issues. I think that’s the change.

I thought “Spring Day” was a really big musical moment for you guys. Not only did it do really well on the charts, but this time you were showing a progression in thinking and a message of hope. The idea of recovering and winter moving to spring. Was that a conscious decision?

Rap Monster: It’s just like what you said, that was one step further. We’re always talking about the crises, the sorrows and youth’s feelings of getting lost. In many [television] programs, when we’d introduce our new album, I’d always talk about the word “recovery.” Like you said, it’s all about the recovery. Winter going to spring. The middle of the winter going to the spring. You got that.

​Suga: In addition to being what we are as BTS, we wanted to bring some changes and we actually wanted to evolve as a group. We wanted to show our many colors, but we still want to console others and give hope to others.

Something that was unique was all the solo songs on the Wings album. You’ve done mixtapes, but instead of full-fledged solo or unit releases, you got to show your different sides of yourselves. Why was that necessary?

Jin: The solo tracks were important because it was personal, an individual story and it was represented in the way that we are good at it. We worked a lot on each track and that’s why it was important to each of us.

Rap Monster: When I get questions about why is K-pop is so popular; I always tell them K-pop is like a great mix of music, videos, visuals, choreography, social media and real-life contents. Making the solo tracks on the album was quite a venture, but it’s connected to the concept. Like, when you watch the “I Need U” video, everyone has their own crises and characters. It’s kind of connected to our real personalities and characters, but the solo songs have their own characters and personalities. It’s all connected. It’s a mixture and that’s why people get interested in the concepts.

Speaking of solo songs, “Change” recently came out. Rap Monster, you and Wale are talking about different-but-similar issues when South Korea and America are both having interesting political times. Did you guys have a chance to discuss your different viewpoints?

Rap Monster: We didn’t have the time to get into it deeply, but I’m always watching the news about Trump and America; I always watch. When he first suggested a collaboration, I was like, “What should we do?” We could just do you know, a common hip-hop song, but I wanted to do a little more special. We have our political situation in Korea and the students are very angry. So, I think, if we talked about what’s going on, then we’ll have a real special collaboration. I think my guess was right and it became special.

Do you see or feel your influence among other groups in the industry?

​Jungkook: When we debuted back in 2013, we were influenced by our sunbaenim [Korean word for “senior”]. Over the years, as we watched other younger groups, we know they talk about us, they cover us and they follow us. I think they’re saying in interviews that they learned a lot from us and that makes us feel great. Being a sunbaenim, we want to be a good influence and be a better role model to other groups.

Last question, are you happy?

V: For now, we are very happy as we are, as a group, together. And I think we are happy because we are walking on the same path, walking the same direction. We wanted to get Daesang [Best of the Year award], but we have it already so our goal is to make great music, to share it with our fans.

Rap Monster: And a worldwide, stadium tour. That’s the goal.

V: We have grander goals.

© Jeff Benjamin @ Billboard

Twenty things I’ve learned in Twenty Years

1. Life will break you down until you’re crawling on your hands and knees, until you feel like you are Atlas holding the world upon your shoulders, until you feel like the raging inferno inside of your chest is going to combust. These are the moments that will forge you in a fire and make you more unbreakable than diamonds.

2. We are made of stardust, at least that’s what they say. I remember someone told me that every atom in my body once belonged to a star that exploded. At night I stare at my hands and wonder when I will erupt. I know now that I cannot trust anyone else to keep me whole in the darkest hours of the night but my own two star infused arms.

3. You will fall in love, and that is okay. Sometimes we need to fall in love to remember that there is good out there. Fall in love with the boy who opens the door for you, fall in love with your boss who works too hard, fall in love with the woman who hands out roses on that one street corner, fall in love with yourself.

4. They weren’t lying when they said we accept the love we think we deserve. I grew up being told I was a mistake and so I adopted the idea that no one could ever love a mistake. I was wrong (they were wrong) and now it’s up to me to prove them wrong. Don’t believe the things they said, you are so much more than the toxins they tried to poison you with.

5. Close your eyes, count to ten, and open them again. You are not alone. I know it may feel like you are the only one, but believe me when I say that you aren’t. I was where you are, and now I have talked to more people that have been through much worse than I than I would like to admit to. You are never alone, not really.

6. Music can save. Play it as loud as you can with the windows down as you drive (probably a little too fast). Play it while you are at work and while you are in the shower and play it when you want to give up in the middle of the day and when you want to give up in the middle of the night. Just play the music that tugs at your heartstrings, it may save you.

7. Nothing in life is easy, not really. You will catch a few breaks here and there, but the rest of the time you will find yourself fighting tooth and nail to make it back to the top. Don’t give up, I almost did this year and if I had I wouldn’t be able to witness what the sun looks like shining in her eyes.

8. You will have scars, and that’s fine. We all have them but it’s up to you if you want to hide them or show your battle wounds to the world so they know how strong of a warrior you are, so they know not to fuck with you.

9. Watch the sunrise, and watch the sunset. There is something about the sun that screams life; let the light bleed into you and consume you until you shine with it. Sometimes it’s the simple things we are missing in life that we need the most.

10. They will say they love you and then they will turn around and break your heart. You cannot compare your life’s worth to the empty spaces that were once filled around you. People will leave (willing or not) and life will go on. Let life go on.

11. If you are under the impression you are broken, then it is up to you to decide if you are or not. It took me years to admit that I was never quite whole, but when I did it was the most freeing feeling ever. Brokenness does not take away from perfection, and you are the very definition of perfect.

12. It’s okay to let people in, you don’t need to cage yourself away from the rest of the world, don’t forget to live your life while you pursue safeness.

13. Hobbies will save you when all else fails you, find a hobby and stick to it. When the world feels all too loud, a hobby can make you go deaf.

14. The moment you realize Wonder Woman or any other superhero you idolized as a child is not going to swoop down and save you is when your life changes. You have to be your own hero in this world. Stop waiting for someone to save you and go save yourself.

15. They are gone, she took her own life and he died in a car crash and she died from cancer and he left. You cannot live your life counting how many people that held a piece of your heart vanished, I’m not saying to forget about them I’m just saying that it’s okay to say goodbye.  

16. It’s okay to cry; cry in the shower and in bed and in your car, being sad is okay as long as you don’t let it consume you.

17. Smile as much as you can even on the bad days.

18. For God’s sake, don’t let them ruin you. You are so strong, you’ve made it this far and that means you can make it another day. If you can get through today you can get through tomorrow and every day that follows. If you feel like you can’t get through the day then sit down and don’t move until the light is peaking in through your window.

19. Never say never. If you think you can’t do something try anyway, this is your life, you are the main character of your own story, but you are also the author of your story. Write it however you want, but don’t give up halfway through.

20. Just don’t take your life. While this is something I learned this year I’m also writing this as a reminder to myself and to you. Don’t do it, please. There can be more to life than what you are feeling right now, don’t rob yourself of the beauty of this world. Don’t give up, no matter how much it hurts.
—  An open letter to myself, and to you. (Sometimes I write until I run out of words) ALightLitInTheDark