Damian has a habit of bugging rooms when he thinks he’s missing information. The rest of the family is very well-trained, so the hardware gets spotted almost immediately. Most of them return the bugs so Damian knows they found them, but Stephanie and Tim have taken to staging elaborate conversations underneath them instead.
“Tim listen I’m kinda worried about this audio file I found in Bruce’s database” “okay let’s hear it” “but it’s kind of shady and I think it’s about you” “wow that’s really weird but …play it I guess” [full volume rick roll] [Damian yanks out his earbuds in disgust] [loud laughter from across the room]
Additional tactics: slow burn jokes with the punchline fifteen minutes in, completely fictional information regarding narcotic deals on the elementary school campus (resulting in photographs of Damian camped out inside a tunnel slide), false accounts of criminal activity at the local pizzeria with the follow up text “hey since you’re there can you pick up our order?”
I assume that Duke has to do a bunch of background reading on all the cases Bruce has worked over the years, but really– considering Bruce’s canonical history, some of those are gonna be pretty wild, to the point where Duke probably wouldn’t be able to tell if one of the other kids slipped in a few fake ones.
Am I saying that Duke thinks Bruce spent four months infiltrating a Chuck E. Cheese back in ‘09? Yes. The file said it was a front for weapons trafficking. It’s not like it’s any weirder than the rest of it.
okay but…Wayne Enterprises. There is no way that Thomas Wayne, a doctor, could fundamentally have managed both careers. In name, yes, but not in presence. He was a DOCTOR. Do you know how many hours doctors work?
With these thoughts established, I think we all know what I’m leading to.
Martha Wayne probably ran the company.
Had a question? Martha Wayne. Needed a signature? Martha Wayne. Had a pitch? Martha Wayne.
It was a well-oiled system, but there needed to be an acting CEO. And I believe that acting CEO would be Martha.
This, of course, brings up little five year old Bruce being brought to the office whenever she needed to pop in.
I’M NOT SAYING think about tiny Brucie dashing through the halls and the older employees remembering those occasions every time they look upon their fine and respectable CEO adult Bruce Wayne, but…it’s there if you want it.
- In school when they ask for the emergency contact, all the boys put Alfred down because let’s be honest he is more liekly to get there before Bruce.
- Duke learned quickly that Alfred is quicker to reach for problems then Bruce. At least for Alfred theres only one number to call.
- For Dick at the BHPD Alfred is his number one contact. Bruce wasn’t added till later. Note says to call Alfred first though.
- Somehow he landed on as extra emergency contacts for Stephanie and Harper. He has Stephanie’s mom number saved in case as well.
- Tim has his number in speed dial for his own phone and his office at WE.
- In Jason’s phone Alfred in the number listed. Under relationship it says grandfather.
- The only numbers most of them have memorized is Alfreds and the manors.
- This means he gets the calls for fights in school and if one lands in jail. Those calls he kindly tells Bruce about.
- Damian also results in getting calls from zoos and other places filled with animals.
- Most go to see him instead of a doctor. This usually results in him dragging them to Leslie’s if its bad enough.
We'll help you out of prison if you get caught.
Boys no! You will not encourage your brother to kill Donald Trump on the 20th of July while he's in Gotham for a business meeting with Wayne enterprise at 5 pm in the 10th floor conference room with the big and wide windows! Right next to the almost finished new skyscraper! Which I'm not going to attend because Damian has the 'flu'.
Batman #22 and The Flash #22 covers by Jason Fabok look fucking awesome!!! The return of Flashpoint Batman aka Dr. Thomas Wayne and Reverse Flash who apparently survived getting stabbed in the back by Dr. Wayne.
-Bruce would probably give him some money or something because Dick has gone through numerous phases and so his interests always change and there was that one year where he asked Bruce to buy him a $999.99 dollar friendship necklace set of two forks that said “father” and “son” on them (Bruce said no, Dick was very upset)
-Jason would get him like a rock or something he found in a dumpster and wrap it in duct tape and just watch Dick struggle to open it before seeing that it’s trash. And then Jason would give him a nice card or something like that
-Tim would get him a nice sweater because people always steal Dick’s sweaters (usually Tim, Damian, and Cass) but it would probably be one that Tim wanted and would later steal
-Steph would get him a gag gift like a Batman snuggie except Dick would genuinely love it and so the humorous effect is lost but she’s glad Dick likes it
-Damian would go all out on a gift and then act like it’s no biggie. He’d probably paint something really cool and then brush it off like he didn’t just spend a month and a half making it
-Cass would make him a really cute card and get him something he had wanted/needed that he had mentioned offhandedly in a conversation a while back
-Babs would get him clothes probably because lord knows this man child cannot dress himself in a way that doesn’t make him look like a colour and pattern blind person
-Duke gets him various Superman paraphernalia that Dick could decorate his room with (and it always makes Bruce super pissed off/secretly jealous)
-Alfred would make him all of his favourite dishes to take back to Blüdhaven so that he doesn’t get as homesick for Alfred’s cooking