wayne insane

Bruce goes on a date with someone the kids don’t like

Dick: *Yelling while pushing a reluctant and extremely suspicious Bruce out of the door* YuPp BYE OKAY! HAVE A GOOD TIME! WE LOVE YOU!!!

Dick: PheW!! Okay…time… to Sabotage™

——– half an hour later ———-

Tim: Why are we all wearing really bad beards and trench coats?

Dick: *Rolls eyes* becAUUUSE we’re in disguise Tim!

Jason: Alright, but why does the demon kid have a mustache? He’s like five??

Damian: I AM ELEV-

Dick: Tonight he is a man. A very very tiny and strange man!!

—— later ——

Date: …Why does that table of strange bearded men in trench coats keep flicking peas at you?

Bruce: *Calmly as another pea smacks him in the head* Gotham is full of… unique characters as I’m sure you’ve heard. A table of bearded men throwing vegetables at my head isn’t that alarming

Date: .. I think they’re trying to get your attention..

Bruce: *Loudly and firmly so the others can hear* Then they can make an appointment, we’re on a date and NOTHING IS GOING TO RUIN IT!

———–

Dick: Damn it! The peas aren’t working…

Tim: We can try the carrots next?

Damian: *Glaring at his father* or the knives

Jason: I vote knives!!

————–

Bruce: We should just order desert and go

Date: Okay

Alfred: *Appears wearing a glued on mustache on top of his original mustache and a waiters outfit* May I recommend the tart for the lady?

Bruce: oh my god

—– 20 minutes later —–

Steph: *Bursting through the restaurant doors a pillow shoved up her top wailing dramatically* BRUCE WAYNE YOU CAD! YOU TOM CAT! YOU MAN OF THE NIGHT! CHEATING ON ME WITH ANOTHER!!! WHEN I AM CARRYING OUR SECRET LOVE CHILD!!!!!

Dick: *Spooning large mouthfuls of ice cream sundae into his mouth* You’re too late steph, the chick left after Alfred called her a tart

Alfred: I did no such thing! I simply suggested a desert

Jason: *Eating his own ice cream* Suuureee Pennyworth, sure

Damian: *Huffing* She was hardly the same standard as Mother, Father!

Tim: *Gently patting Bruce’s head lay on top of the table in defeat*

Steph:*Ripping off the wig* Oh thank GOD! my ankles are killing me!!

anonymous asked:

Would it be possible to request a quick one shot of [reader] Wayne x Jason Todd? Where [reader] becomes redhood's partner after they come back from the dead and holds a grudge against bruce for not saving them even if jason kind of forgave him. Reader would kind of be like redhood's own harley quinn minus the complete insanity.. (sorry if thats not much to work with..)

I hope this was what you were looking for! 

Title: Recognize Me


“Jaybird, baby, where are we going?”

“Gotham, sweetheart. We’re going to kill the Joker”

You hum, “You mean you’re gonna kill the Joker! You know that my father won’t kill anyone, he has that stupid ‘no killing’ rule. Wouldn’t even kill for his own daughter …” Snapping your fingers you shoot up, “That’s it! We’ll make Batsy kill the Joker!!”

“You know he won’t do that. That’s why we’re going there, to do what he can’t”

“I’ll make him do it. Don’t you worry your pretty little head, baby”

Jason just rolls his eyes, running one hand through your now white streaked hair, “Sometimes you make me wonder if the Pit Madness affected you more than me, sweetheart”

Leering at your boyfriend, you press an open-mouthed kiss against his neck, causing the car to jerk slightly on the road, “Oh it did, made me a little more willing to do the things I only ever thought of before.” Pressing a much more chaste kiss to the back to Jason’s hand you lace your fingers with his, “The Pit changed us both, baby, but all that matters is that we’re still together. We died together, and we came back to life together. You’re my anchor, baby, without you I’d just drift away”

“I love you, Y/N”

“I love you too, Jay. Now” You clear your throat, “eyes back on the road, honey, I’d hate to crash”

Seeing your father for the first time in years does not go as planned.

“What are you doing in my city?!”

Red Hood steps forward, “We’re doing what you can’t! We’re cleaning up this scum the only way they’ll understand. You can’t stop crime, Batman! You can only control it!”

“Aw come on, Batsy! You aren’t getting jealous, are you?”

Bruce snaps toward you, “Who are you?!”

Propping your chin on your hand you give Bruce a pout, “Come on, Bruce! Don’t tell me you don’t recognize me!!”

Obviously using his real name hits a nerve, not just in Batman but in his newest little bird too. Easily flipping away from the baterang, and sidestepping the bow staff, you end up standing next to Jason. “HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?!?!”

“Oh! I know Timmy’s name too if it makes you feel any better” Tim shifts nervously, now standing slightly behind Bruce, “Don’t worry, babybird! I won’t hurt you, neither will Hoodie here, I’ll make sure of that. We have a very strict ‘no kids’ rule. As for your question, Batsy” You cock your head, a wide smile splitting your face, “Don’t you recognize your own daughter?”

2

Bat boys bat boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Inspired by this post which made me want to draw my sons together  

Originally posted by bundyspooks

Originally posted by anatomicdeadspace

Originally posted by bundyspooks

Originally posted by lovelybundy

Originally posted by richardramirez-thenightstalker

Originally posted by troublefollows

Originally posted by dahmer-bundy-manson

Originally posted by dr-robotnik

Originally posted by bundyspooks

Made with SoundCloud

For me, it was the stuff of dreams. That is what you play football for. - Rio Ferdinand

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Tiny has spots, and Voigt is a queen,

The most amazing songs

But I of course wear the best green

By our favorite frog

Barry may seem scary, but he’s a nice guy

Jens

Wayne seems insane, but give her credit, she tries

And co starring Tiny and Barry

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A collection of frog songs guaranteed to keep you stuck on for more

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Best Of Jens is not sold in stores. So remember, order now and get the Best Of Jens and the bonus track for just 10 payments of 5 crickets! To order the Best Of Jens for 10 payments of 5 crickets, plus shipping and handling, please mail your payments to Melbourne Australia, or order online at stickyfrogs.tumblr.com

Hello!! 🐸😀🐸😄🐸

Jens is most proud and very happy that you have compiled his favourite Beautiful Songs into an album! 🐸😊🐸😊

Thank you very much! He sees that you have chosen a good selection of important issues in Stickyfrog life that Jens often sings about! 

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He sends you the biggest hug and a song of thank you! 🐸😀😀🐸

INSANITY DEFENSE

“Jeffrey Dahmer took a shower while there were two dead bodies in the bathtub, and he was sane. He drilled holes in the heads of living people to make them his unresisting companions, and he was sane. He ate a bicep which he had fried in a skillet, tenderized and sprinkled with sauce, and he was sane. For hours he lay with corpses, hugging them, cherishing them, and he was sane. He kept eleven assorted heads and skulls, and two complete skeletons, for eventual use in a home-made temple, and he was sane.” 
                       — The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer by Brian Masters.

“What do I think of Jeffrey Dahmer? I don’t know the man personally, but I’ll tell you this, that’s a good example as to why insanity doesn’t belong in the courtroom. Because if Jeffrey doesn’t meet the requirements for insanity, then I’d hate like hell to run into the guy that does.”
  — John Wayne Gacy’s Opinion on the Insanity Defense in the case of Jeffrey Dahmer (Gacy had plead not guilty to 33 murders using the defense of insanity).

Here is the thing, though…

      Most courts accept a major mental illness such as psychosis but will not accept the diagnosis of a personality disorder for the purposes of an insanity defense. The second question is whether the mental illness interfered with the defendant’s ability to distinguish right from wrong. That is, did the defendant know that the alleged behavior was against the law at the time the offense was committed.

      Additionally, some jurisdictions add the question of whether or not the defendant was in control of their behavior at the time of the offense. For example, if the defendant was compelled by some aspect of their mental illness to commit the illegal act, the defendant could be evaluated as not in control of their behavior at the time of the offense.

In a case dealing with someone like Jeffrey or Gacy, they had no chance because one, they “suffered” from personality disorders not mental illnesses. Two, their respective disorders did not prevent them from recognizing right from wrong, and they certainly knew they were breaking the law.

This is how I imagine what living with Jerome would be like...

If you haven’t seen Llamas with Hats then I highly recommend it; it’s hilarious haha! Anyway, back to my point.

This is how I picture of what it would be like to live with Jerome haha! (Jerome being Carl of course :D)

Y/N: “All you do is kill people Jerome!”

Jerome: “That’s like saying all Mozart did was write songs”

Fairytales-Bruce Wayne Imagine

Requested: No

Warnings: Insane Joker

A/N: I’ll probably do a part 2 since this is a long imagine.

Originally posted by anythingbutahero

Originally posted by vrdantt

  “And then they all lived happily ever after. The end,” Y/N said.

  Lucas leaned his tiny head against her chest and looked at the pictures in the large illustrated book with wide y/e/c eyes. He had his father’s dark hair and bone structure but Y/N’s lips and nose. He was the most adorable and intelligent one-year-old in Y/N’s opinion but all mothers believed that about their sons.

  “Again!” Lucas said as he clapped.

  “I thought we agreed that you would read him books that weren’t just about princes, princesses, magical creatures, and knights,” Bruce said.

  Y/N looked up from her spot in her favorite chair in the living room to see her husband standing at the room’s entrance. He had just arrived home from work and looked tired.

   “Daddy!” Lucas squealed.

   He climbed out of Y/N’s lap and ran over to Bruce only to be swept up in his arms. Lucas giggled as Bruce held him up above his head. Y/N smiled as she stood as well. 

  “How’s my favorite man?” Bruce asked as he settled Lucas on his hip.

  “Good.” Lucas leaned his head on Bruce’s shoulder.

  Y/N walked up to Bruce. “And for your information, I read FDR’s biography to him before that lovely fairytale.” She pecked his lips and Lucas acted disgusted. “How was work?” 

  “Boring. How as your day?” 

  “It was good. The tutor came over today and helped Lucas with his vowels,” Y/N said.

  “He says I’m getting bettur!” Lucas announced.

  “That’s great.”

   They were the picture perfect family that the press loved talking about. Bruce and Y/N were always mentioned in the paper whether it be the society pages or the cover story. Occasionally they would take pictures of Lucas but not without Bruce’s or Y/N’s permission. Y/N had never felt so happy before in her life as when she married Bruce. The only thing that came to close to it was when Lucas was born. Bruce had been nervous about being a good father but Y/N had reassured him that he would be the best. Now, Y/N was living her dream but if someone had told her six years ago that her life would be so blissful, she wouldn’t have believed them considering her past.

   After Bruce read Lucas a book to help him sleep that night, Y/N turned off the light’s in the child’s room before walking with Bruce to their bedroom. She rubbed his broad shoulders and kissed his cheek.

  “You’re such a good father,” Y/N said.

  “Thanks, but you’re a better mother.” Bruce pecked her lips and she smiled.

  “Will you be gone very long tonight?”

   “Why? Are you planning on throwing a party while I’m gone?”

  “No, I just want to know how long I’ll have to deal with an empty space next to me in bed.”

   “It’ll be about average time unless something happens.”

   “Oh.” Y/N pulled away and looked down at her hands. She hated it when Bruce used terms like that; it made her paranoid that the would get in a dangerous situation that he couldn’t get out of.

  “Hey,” Bruce tilted her chin up so that Y/N would look at him, “everything’s going to be okay. You don’t have to worry about anyone, especially him. I’m not going to let anything happen to you or Lucas.”

  His eyes were full of sincerity and Y/N smiled a little as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “You know, I read those fantasy books to Lucas partly so he’ll have an active imagination. His favorite stories are the ones about the knights that protect the kingdom and save the damsel. I want him to have an idea of just how brave and strong his father is to not only protect his family but Gotham too.” 

  “I love you, Y/N.”

  “I love you too.”


   Late that night, Y/N found herself plagued with visions of a certain green-haired, blue-eyed lunatic. She rolled around in her bed as his voice tormented her.

  “You’re mine, Y/N.”

  “Look at you, such a pretty doll.”

  “No matter where you go, I will find you.”

  Then, that stupid maniacal laugh that had haunted her for six years. Finally, Y/N woke up with a start and looked around her large dark bedroom. Bruce still hadn’t returned home from patrol and the house was quiet. It amazed her how no amount of therapy would ever repair the damage that the Joker had done to her. 

   Y/N slowly got out of bed and tiptoed to Lucas’ room. She cracked the door open just to see her son sleeping quietly in bed. There was something about watching him that calmed her down; she used to do it for hours on end when she and Bruce first brought him home but Bruce would force her to go to sleep.

  Then, she sensed someone behind her. It wasn’t Alfred because even if he was up at this hour, he would’ve announced himself somehow. Y/N tensed and turned around slowly, prepared to gouge someone’s eyes out in order to protect her son. She wasn’t even halfway around when someone collided into her and wrapped their hand around her mouth. Y/N screamed and kicked for a moment and fought even harder when she saw a dark figure disappear into Lucas’ room. Her assailant put a cloth in front of her face and shushed her. Y/N’s world turned black seconds afterwards.


    When Bruce returned to the Manor, he was exhausted. He had stopped three robberies, two break-ins, and countless attempted rapes. It was a productive night altogether but he was ready to crawl into bed and sleep with his wife. He quickly changed out of his Bat suit and made his way to his bedroom. The bed was empty but the sheets were tangled on Y/N’s side. The bathroom light was off so she wasn’t in there and he had passed Lucas’ room on his way to his bedroom and she wasn’t there either.

   Lucas.

  Bruce hurried to his son’s room and when he opened the door, he found the child’s bed with a joker playing card resting on the pillow. His hands shook with rage as many emotions flooded through him. Somehow, the Joker had broken into the Manor and kidnapped Y/N and Lucas. The idea that Joker and his henchmen had been able to break in made Bruce feel vulnerable and the only thing that was worse was the possible things Joker could be doing to his family. 

  His phone rang, breaking Bruce from his morbid thoughts. The number was unfamiliar but he answered it with a good guess as to who the caller was.

  “Hello, Mr. Wayne,” Joker drawled. “Lovely evening we’re having, isn’t it?”

  “Joker, what have you done with my family?” Bruce griped.

  He was trying to control his emotions since Joker would get even more pleasure from it if Bruce snapped on him. 

  “I brought  them to my hideout so we could have lots of fun!”

  Bruce sighed. “I’ll give you whatever you want just don’t hurt them.”

  Joker laughed. “I’ve already got what I want and I won’t hurt them. See?”
  “Bruce?”
 Y/N sounded as though she was trying to hold back tears.

  “Y/N, you’re going to be fine. I’m going to get you and Lucas out of there.”

  It broke Bruce’s heart to hear Y/N sound so upset. This was her nightmare come to life and he had to get to them. 

  “And the little man’s being a champ,” Joker said.

  “Father?” Lucas asked.

  “Hey, buddy,” Bruce said.

  “Father, are you coming to get us?”

  “No,” Joker said. “Send the Bat to make things interesting.”

  Even though Bruce knew it was pointless, he ad to ask,“Why are you doing this, Joker?”

  “I’m just taking back what is mine. Tell the Bat he has one hour.”’

  The signal went dead and Bruce nearly crushed his phone from anger. He had to track down Joker and get his family before the lunatic clown did some real damage to them.

   Joker slid his phone into the pocket of his purple leather trench coat and turned to Y/N. She was furious with him and if looks could kill, Joker would be dead right now. He had her tied to a chair in one of his warehouses near the docks. Lucas was sitting in a chair next to her but he wasn’t tied up. He was sleepy but he was fascinated by the Joker’s henchmen who had dressed up in panda suits, Batman masks, and clown masks as well as the multitude of weapons that were scattered throughout the warehouse.

   Joker walked closer to her and knelt down in front of her, his blue eyes shimmering with that glint of insanity that seemed to always be present. “Doesn’t it feel good to be home?”

  “You took me out of my home,” Y/N said harshly.

  Joker feigned a hurt expression and pressed his hand against his pale tattooed chest. “That really hurt, doll.”

  “I’m not your doll anymore.” Y/N straightened up and stuck her chin up. “Besides, Batman will be here soon enough and you’ll be back in Arkham, where you belong.”

   Joker gritted his teeth and grabbed her shoulders, hard. “Do you know how long I’ve planned for this moment? What I did to get out of there and back to you?” Joker stood and tossed his hands up in the air. “Some of them are just unspeakable!”
  Lucas cocked his head at the strange man with green hair but found himself curling more towards his mother and burying his face in her side. Y/N wanted to wrap her arm around him but she couldn’t.

  “Stop it, you’re scaring Lucas,” Y/N said.

  Joker paused and turned to Lucas. An even stranger expression crossed over his face, as though he was completely fascinated by the small boy. He moved over to Lucas who poked his head out a little.

  “Hello,” Joker smiled widely.

  “Hi,” Lucas said shortly. “Why is your haiw gween?”

  Joker smoothed his hand over his hair. “Because I like the color green.”

  “Can we pwease go home now?” Lucas asked. “I’m sleepy.”

  “You are home, Lucas. We’re just waiting for a special guest.” Joker picked Lucas up and balanced him on his hip.

   “Don’t touch him!” Y/N snapped.

   “It’s fine, Y/N, he likes me, don’t you, Lucas?” 

   Lucas rested his head on the Joker’s shoulder and Y/N’s skin crawled. She wanted to rip her son away from that maniac and escape back home with Bruce but she couldn’t.

   “Can you tell me a stowy?” Lucas asked.

   “Sure, I can tell you a story. It’s one your mother and I know very well.”

   Y/N could feel the color draining from her face. “No, it’s a boring story and Lucas won’t like it.”

   “Of course he will!” Joker turned his back to Y/N. “A long time ago, there was a handsome man who lived in Gotham. Some called him the prince of the city but he knew he was the king. One day, he met a beautiful woman at a club with stunning y/e/c eyes, shiny y/h/c hair, and a body that set fire to the prince’s loins that he had never felt before.”

  “Joker!” Y/N snapped.

  “The prince had to have this beautiful woman and soon after they met, they were in love and she became his princess. Everyone in Gotham feared them because they were strong but the prince and his princess were happy together. One night, a dark knight came to town, claiming he was going to save Gotham but really, he was ruining it. The knight and the prince became enemies and fought every time they saw each other. One time they fought so badly that the knight almost killed the prince, but he didn’t. Instead, he had the prince taken away to an evil dungeon because he had convinced everyone that the prince was evil. The prince was angry and very sad because he was away from his princess but knew that as soon as he got out he would come back for her.” Joker glared at Y/N. “Little did he know that while he was in the evil dungeon, his princess had found someone new who was almost as rich as the prince. When the prince was finally able to escape the dungeon, he found out that the princess had married the other man and it broke the prince’s heart since he had worked very hard to leave the dungeon. When the prince tried to visit his princess, she said that she hated him and wished that he would die when all the prince ever did was love her and he knew that she loved him too.”

  “What happened after that?” Lucas asked with wide eyes.

 “The princess had a baby and she and her new husband were happy but the prince knew that the princess would never be really happy without him. So, he made a plan to win his princess back and take her back to his castle. The prince and his knights went to the princess’ new house while her husband was away and brought her and her baby back to the prince’s castle. The princess was upset at first but she knows that she belongs to the prince.” Joker smiled at Lucas. “Then, the knight came to the prince’s castle to try to take the princess and her baby away from the prince but the prince refused to lose his princess again. So, he and his knights destroyed the dark knight and they all lived happily ever after.”

  “That was a good stowy,” Lucas said.

  Y/N shook her head and felt tears burning in her eyes. Joker had kindly left out that the “princess” had been young and naive when she fell in love with the “prince”. He also forgot to mention that for six years she had to put up with his elaborate schemes, him ignoring her unless he wanted something, and him being overprotective and extremely possessive. Plus, there was his psychotic rampages that would tear up most of their shared penthouse. When Bruce had taken Joker to Arkham Asylum, she was overjoyed that she was finally free and after she married Bruce, she had grown paranoid that Joker would come back for her since she had gotten married around the time of his escape.

  “But the prince was an evil prince,” Y/N said. “The knight rescued the princess like he always does.”

  Joker narrowed his eyes at her and placed Lucas back in his chair. He opened his mouth to speak but the sounds of gunfire and yelling outside stopped him. Then, Joker smiled widely.

  “We’ll see about that.”