there’s something that bothers me about the general understanding of victor sitting around mooning over yuuri and being a lovesick fool about yuuri for months after the banquet until the viral youtube video and i’m having trouble articulating it but i think it both mischaracterizes victor a little bit and it overlooks how severely depressed he probably was at that time in his life and how that would have affected his frame of mind.
like i genuinely don’t think he was actually considering coaching as a serious way out until that video finally just hit him with “i remember that man, i remember the night i had, maybe i can do this. and maybe i really do want to do this.”
maybe it’s just bc i read victor as seriously depressed - and there’s like… a pretty heavy grey cloud in your head. you don’t see ideas and opportunities and change. yuuri’s offer is a nice thought, but he can’t actually do it, of course. it’s safe to continue doing what you’re used to doing, what you know. so victor just… keeps doing it. it’s what he should be doing, right? it’s what victor does, right? that’s what he does. of course he has to keep doing it. what else does victor nikiforov do if not figure skate
and i’m sure he looked back at the pictures and videos from the banquet but not in the “omggg japanese yuuri i looooove him i have to know everything about him” sort of way - and honestly not even often at all. but looking to remember what it was like to FEEL (which may have even been hard to take, remembering that but knowing you don’t have it any more! so he may not have even wanted to remember it over and over again, because it hurts). and what the video of yuuri skating his routine does is that it reminds him that it was yuuri specifically who really made him feel, yuuri specifically who wanted him, yuuri specifically who’s this talented and who’s skating this routine in a way victor has never seen and who could NEED him, need him just as victor. victor’s opinions and victor’s advice and victor’s experience, not victor the skater and public figure who has to keep performing for an audience and surpassing expectations.
so it is impulsive, it is. he hasn’t been planning this or thinking of it as something he could really, actually do. because it takes months for him to hit that wall and finally get that push to say, i could get out. i could actually go be happy. i could do something for him, yes, but also for me. it’s more than just a big gay crush (not that i don’t think at all that victor wasn’t also genuinely flirting in the beginning, but that’s not the reason he went). and when you think about it it’s probably terrifying to drop everything like that especially when you’re that depressed for something you don’t know will work out and to fly to a foreign country that speaks a foreign language and to move your whole life there. if you’re depressed it’s not easy, it’s terrifying. but yuuri represents hope for him. it’s hope for his own life and, yes, hope for his own love, and it pays off. victor take his life back into his own hands and falls in love – and the latter more accidental than i think we generally have been believing.