“Caravaggio was the BEST renaissance painter, because he knew his shit. Literally. Look at this painting, he’s painted shit on everything, even Saint Peter!”
“For those of you fortunate enough to Not grow up catholic, a baptism is where you mist a baby like an orchid to keep it from going to hell.”
“You get Extra Credit for you eerily comprehensive knowledge of Muppets. Now stop talking.”
“GOD I love flying buttresses. They’re so melodramatic!”
“I don’t call him “Da Vinci” because that means “From Vinci”. That’s like calling Steve “Of Greeley” instead of his real name and that’s just rude. And not just because Greeley is Awful.”
“Michelangelo was really depressed because his job sucked. Also because he was a bit of a douche, but mostly the job. He should have been doing literally anything else.”
“Everything can be improved with a Simpson’s reference!”
“Send me Memes, I like having recent content in my lectures.” *Next day* “Stop sending me memes. Please.”
*whilst angrily pointing at a picture of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles* “The Turtles have all their names mixed up for their personalities and frankly that’s embarrassing. The techie should be Leo, the Flirt should be Raphael, The Boring Leader Dude should be Donatello and the angry one should be Carvaggio because that asshole literally spent his life drunk, fighting people and blackmailing cardinals. Carvaggio was the BEST.”
“I could have studied in Rome. I could be trying to match boxes of broken dicks to statuary. Instead of dicks I have you assholes.”
“Warhol was, as you young people say, A Troll. The art is not the Art, the Outrage is the Art. Which is kind of a Dick Move, which we old people say too.”
“Remember Kids- mental illness and heavy metal poisoning are not actually substitutes for Talent and Hard Work! Get therapy and don’t drink your paint water!”
“The radium water worked fine until his jaw fell out”
From the early 20th century up to the 1930’s the use of radioactive materials for dubious quack medical cures were common. There were various machines which could irradiate the body, radium laced salves and creams, radioactive medicines, radium cosmetics, and a wide variety of other radioactive products. One popular product was radioactive health water. Often distilled water containing radium, it was marketed to treat or cure a wide variety of ailments. Whether you suffered from rheumatism or cancer, or if you simply need a boost of revigorating energy in your day to day life, radium water was a miracle cure for just about anything. Many radium water producers advocated drinking radium water as a necessity of healthy living. At first companies simply sold bottled radium water on its own. Later, various products were marketed as a way to make your own radium water at home. Such products were either inserts which were placed in a jar of water, or were radium lined crocks with a tap which one used to brew radium water.
Radium water was legally sold until 1932 when a famous athlete named Eben Beyers died that year. Beyers was a popular consumer and spokesperson for Radithor, a brand of radium water manufactured by Baily Radium Laboratories Inc. It was founded by Dr. William J. A. Baily, who was not a real doctor but claimed his concoction of distilled water, radium, and mesothorium gave the consumer extra energy and strength. In 1932, Beyers had to have his jaw removed due to mouth cancer. A short time later he was dead. The Wall Street Journal did an expose of Radithor entitled “The Radium Water Worked Fine Until his Jaw Fell Out”. Outrage from Beyers’ death forced the Food and Drug Administration to investigate the dangers of radioactive health products, which eventually led to a ban in 1933.