watching felicity

Imagine Oliver after 5x17 having an aversion to touch

Imagine that after Adrian told him that everybody he touches dies, and after his confession that he likes and wants to kill, Oliver believes that a single touch from him could mark somebody for death

Imagine Oliver refusing medical treatment from Diggle and Felicity in the bunker and telling them hoarsely that they need to leave him alone, that they have to leave if they want to survive

Imagine Oliver broken and alone in the bunker, crying and bleeding and sobbing and Diggle and Felicity watching on helplessly because they can’t help him without him screaming at them to leave him alone

Imagine Oliver having horrific nightmares about the torture, flinching at the sight of his own bow and arrows, and then being too scared to even take a shower because the water triggers him due to all the waterboarding Adrian did to him

Imagine Oliver being so starved and sleep deprived but refusing to eat and sleep because he feels sick and nauseous all the time, thinking that he deserves the pain and deserves to die because if he really likes killing, then it would be better for the team

Imagine Oliver wanting to die because he believes that he’s a monster, unreachable and destructive. Believing that Felicity and Diggle and the team would be better off without him. That the world would be a better place if he died, so who is he to keep on living

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes in to us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine
—  The Smiths, There is A Light that Never Goes Out
I love how Oliver just pours his heart out to John and Felicity

Almost desperate to remind the two that matter more to him than anyone, that they are better than him. They have been his moral compass for so long, he doesn’t realize that in this very moment it shows how much he has grown. He actually is the one noticing that something is off with them and he goes to them and actually talks about it. 

And then this moment.  I love this moment. Pleading with her with just a look and she understands. She knows what he is saying and she responds with a deep emotional sigh, as if relinquishing it all. And he walks away, hoping he got through to them, to her.  

These two can communicate with just a look. This is so “Olicity” and I love it! 

OH. MY. GRACIOUS. THE WAY HIS FACE JUST FELL WHEN SHE SAID “EX-GIRLFRIEND WHO ISN’T EVEN YOUR EX.”

THE WAY HE BARELY WHISPERS “OKAY?”

THE WAY THEY ARE JUST FALLING APART WITH SO MUCH PAIN SEPARATING THEM. 

CLASSIC, BEAUTIFUL OLICITY ANGST AT IT’S FINEST.

ALSO, GREAT PARALLEL TO THE FLASHBACKS:

WHEN HE LOOKS AT YOU, HE SEES HIS SHOT AT REDEMPTION.

YOU THINK YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DARKNESS INSIDE YOU.

youtube

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6htlf281FJI)

S2 Headcanon: CEO Oliver Queen used to be so bored in meetings that he would frequently look over at Felicity to see what adorable thing she was doing, and it would have him smiling like a total fool even while some stiff in a suit droned on about stock prices and ROIs.