Watch Repair by Mad Hatter
First and most importantly; thoroughly clean the watch by dipping it in a teapot. This will keep the teapot from boiling over since a watched pot never boils.
Place the watch on a flat surface. If you swing it hard enough it should open up, if it doesn’t then perhaps you don’t look like you can be trusted.
Observe the springy bits closely to determine what kind of watch it is. A good watch will tell you the day and the month, but nothing unnecessary like what o'clock it is.
Remove all excess parts like wheels, springs and gears or anything moving. There likely would have never been a problem if the watch hadn’t these wheels in the first place.
Add butter generously. Use only the best butter, and a proper bread-knife to keep crumbs from getting in the works.
Give the watch a second coating of tea, unless the watch has somewhere to be, it’s rude to hold up your guests when tea-time is over.
Insert two spoons of sugar, or just forget the sugar and insert 2 spoons. If you can’t find two spoons it is best to substitute with 3 spoons.
Apply jam to the entire watch, because a gear can’t very well become jammed if it already got jam.
Finally, squeeze in a touch of lemon to compliment all that tea you poured in earlier. Lemon is agreeable with most black teas so there won’t be much arguing.
Close the watchback and remove excess food from the outside. You could remove food from the inside as well but you’ve already closed the watch.
Test the watch upon completing repairs. So long as it doesn’t give you the wrong time, then it must be doing something right.
The watch will likely have gone mad by this point, so gently eradicate the watch with an enormous mallet.
Observe your work. Or don’t, it doesn’t truly matter because you were just doing this to kill Time anyway.
Return the watch to it’s rightful owner. If you are the owner then you will not be able to return it and you have flubbed this entire final step.
It is a common misconception that mustard is good for a watch that runs slow, if you believe this then perhaps you should not be repairing watches in the first place.
•°•°•° everything alice °•°•°•