watch wings

Defenders things that already got me choked up

- Tiny Danny being able to COMPLETELY hide himself behind Luke’s giant bulletproof body
- Foggy calling Matt family!!!
- Matt getting super emotional talking about Elektra at the Royal Dragon
- Jessica and Matt Bonding™
- Danny screaming Luke’s name helplessly as Luke gets knocked out by Stick’s weird incense
- Foggy calling Matt family!!!1!1!1!1!111!!
- Jess and Luke being bros
- Literally any scene involving Claire, Colleen, and/or Misty
- FOGGY. CALLING. MATT. FAMILY.

The Health Care Freedom Act: A Transcript

INT. SENATE FLOOR - NIGHT

SEN. MCCONNELL addresses the august body.

SEN. MCCONNELL
Okay, idiots. We’ve had seven years of the Obamacare hellscape, which, as everyone agrees, has ruined our country, killed jobs, slaughtered animals, and set the Bible on fire. But now the GOP is in charge – and it’s time for this national nightmare of “sick people being able to maybe not die or go bankrupt” to end.

SEN. SCHUMER
Okay, you’ve been talking about a replacement bill for eight years. Let’s see what you got.

SEN. CORNYN
Whoa whoa whoa – you’re being a little “pushy” there, Chuck.

SEN. SCHUMER
That’s usually code for “Jewish.”

SEN. CORNYN
Nobody said “Jewish.” I said “pushy.” You’re being pushy, is what I said. Don’t put words in my mouth. Anyway: read it and weep: the American Freedom Bald Eagle Old Glory Healthcare for Everyone with No Exceptions “It’s Gonna Be So Easy” Act.

SEN. WARREN
…Where is it? We haven’t seen it yet. Can we see it?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No.

SEN. JOHNSON
A little history for you: when the Democrats wrote “Obummercare” –

SEN. MCCONNELL
(chuckles)
Nice.

They high-five.

SEN. JOHNSON
– they did it in secret, in scarcely 16 months, behind closed doors, with not even 100 Republican amendments, and barely 70 public hearings.

SEN. MCCONNELL
Like you can craft anything good in 16 months!

SEN. CORNYN
In contrast to that undemocratic process, we, the GOP, spent literally dozens of minutes crafting this, over chicken caesar wraps and Arnold Palmers, earlier today in the senate dining room.

SEN. MCCONNELL
Enough talking. We’ve been discussing this bill for almost eight minutes. Time to vote.

SEN. WARREN
Can we see the bill?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No.

SEN. SCHUMER
Can we offer amendments?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No.

SEN. WYDEN
Can we have public hearings?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No. Go back to Oregon, you dirty hippie.

SEN. COLLINS
I’m voting no, Mitch. This bill is terrible.

SEN. MURKOWSKI
I’m voting no too. It’s an abomination.

SEN. MCCONNELL
(shakes his head sadly)
Broads. Look, I know the bill is miserable. It would crash the insurance markets immediately. But who cares? This is just symbolic. This bill isn’t going to be a law. We’re just doing it to initiate a conference with the House, so we can actually pass a real bill later.

SEN. JOHNSON
I just got a text from Paul Ryan. The House might just pass this bill.

SEN. MCCONNELL
They might pass it?! Why the hell would they pass this bill we are about to pass?!

SEN. GRAHAM
(fanning himself)
This bill is abhorrent. It’s absurd, I say. I shudder to think what would happen if it became an actual law!

SEN. SCHUMER
So how will you vote?

SEN. GRAHAM
Oh I’m voting “yes.”

SEN. CAPITO
This bill would devastate the people of West Virginia!

SEN. PORTMAN
It would ruin lives! My own governor hates it!

SEN. SCHUMER
You’re both voting for it, though, right?

SEN. PORTMAN
Oh yeah.

SEN. CAPITO
No question. Voting “yes.”

SEN. HARRIS
Can we read the bill now?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No. Any word from Ryan?

SEN. CRUZ
I’ve been texting him a lot. No word. Oh – hang on, he’s writing back…I see the little bubbles.

SEN. MCCONNELL
What’d he say?

SEN. CRUZ
“New phone, who dis?” Guess I have the wrong number.

SEN. MCCONNELL
No, that’s his number. It’s just: nobody likes you.

SEN. JOHNSON
Ryan just texted me. I asked him if he could guarantee the House wouldn’t just pass our bill.

SEN. MCCONNELL
What’d he say?

SEN. JOHNSON
(reading)
“Look, this is complicated. This stuff gets a little wonky – I don’t want to bore you with the nerdy, wonky details. I’m kind of a policy geek, so I kind of get down in there with the nitty-gritty stuff, that other people are bored by, because they’re not policy geeks like me.”

SEN. MCCONNELL
…He didn’t answer your question.

SEN. CRUZ
(checking Johnson’s phone)
Let me see what number you have for him…yeah, that’s the same number I have. Weird.

SEN. MCCONNELL
It’s not weird. No one likes you.

SEN. GRAHAM
(lying on fainting couch)
My fellow members of this most august body, don’t you see we are headed for a disaster? This bill cannot pass! It would upend generations of Senatorial norms and procedure, and devastate the very fabric of American society!

SEN. SCHUMER
Still voting for it, though?

SEN. GRAHAM
Oh yeah, still a solid “yes.”

SEN. MURKOWSKI
I’m still a “no,” by the way.

SEN. COLLINS
Me too.

SEN. MCCONNELL
No one cares, ladies. Go get your hair blown out or whatever.

SEN. HARRIS
Can we read the bill now?

SEN. MCCONNELL
(angry)
No! Why are there all these women haranguing me?! How many goddamned women are in the Senate now, 95?!

SEN. WARREN
Twenty.

SEN. MCCONNELL
Seems like 95. Look: no one gets to read the bill. It’s not a real bill! It’s not supposed to become a law!

SEN. JOHNSON
What if the House just passes it?

SEN. MCCONNELL
Call that little pissant Paul Ryan and tell him they better not!

SEN. JOHNSON
(dials)
Paul? It’s Ron Johnson. You better not pass this bill that we are about to pass, because we don’t want it to pass, even though we are gonna pass it!

SEN. MCCONNELL
What’d he say?

SEN. JOHNSON
He said the process of passing bills is wonky, and it’s hard to explain, and he’ll try not to bore me with the wonky details.

SEN. CRUZ
Let me talk to him.
(takes phone)
Paul? It’s Ted. Listen, bud –
(beat)
Oh, sorry. Okay.
(hangs up)
It was the wrong number.

SEN. MCCONNELL
We were already talking to him, moron.

SEN. PORTMAN
No one likes you.

SEN. WARREN
Can we read the bill?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No. No more women talking. Time to vote. It’s a fake bill, and if the House passes it and all hell breaks loose, we can just blame Hillary or something.
(calling out)
Who wants to pass a fake disastrous bill that, if it became law, would cause the insurance markets to collapse, and 18 million people to immediately lose health care, but who gives a crap, because it’d be the House’s fault and no one pays attention to this stuff anyway?

49 REPUBLICANS
Yay!

48 DEMOCRATS
Nay!

SENS. MURKOWSKI AND COLLINS
Nay.

SEN. MCCONNELL
(aside)
Must be that time of the month.

SEN. CRUZ
Nice!

Cruz goes to high-five McConnell, who ignores him.

SEN. MCCONNELL
Okay, one more vote. John?

SEN. MCCAIN
I vote no.

Everyone loses their minds.

AMERICAN MEDIA
MCCAIN VOTED NO! MAVERICK! ONCE AGAIN HE DEFIES THE PARTY! HERO! NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS!

SEN. MURKOWSKI
…I voted “no” as well.

SEN. COLLINS
Yeah, Lisa and I are also Republicans who defied–

AMERICAN MEDIA
WE REPEAT: THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED! LITERALLY ONLY JOHN MCCAIN WOULD EVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS! PLUS HE HAS CANCER – AND HE STILL CAME HERE AND VOTED!

SEN. HIRONO
I have Stage 4 kidney cancer, and I voted –

AMERICAN MEDIA
JOHN MCCAIN JUST DID SOMETHING THAT LITERALLY NO OTHER MAN IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICA WOULD EVER DO EVER!

SEN. CRUZ
Bummer, huh guys? Anyone want to come over to my place, get some wings, watch a little “Life of Brian?” No? Rain check, then.

Flourish. Exeunt. Curtain.

The Defenders
  • Just incredible, loved every moment of this series.
  • Started off very nicely introducing us to what everyone’s been doing since we last saw them and took their time to bring them together which I liked because they were each working their own case and it felt like you’d earnt the team up.
  • It just went from strength to strength when we did get the team up as well.
  • That episode 3 fight sequence was one of the best fight sequences I can remember ever seeing (and their previous series had some damn good ones!) although the finale also brought the goods.
  • They really utilised the fight sequences well, using everyone’s specific abilities and they were shot incredibly well, beautiful stuff.
  • Character wise I already loved everyone so there’s no big revelations but my love for Jessica Jones has grown exponentially every episode- what a woman- kicking ass, talking shit to her team mates, getting drunk, what more do you need from a superhero.
  • Jess/Matt the brotp I didn’t know I needed in my life.
  • You just knew Matt couldn’t live very long without putting on the Daredevil suit, his moment with Foggy at the police station had me emotional though and then when he didn’t come back to him and Karen (⊙﹏⊙✿)
  • Danny and Luke are also well on their way to becoming bro’s and I’m thrilled about that.
  • Danny himself had a rough ride through these 8 episodes but I’m excited about where he goes from here.
  • Luke is just the sweetest for the toughest and (maybe) strongest of the team he’s always the last to turn to violence and always just want to help the little guy.
  • The secondary characters of all the series are incredible though and that doesn’t stop with The Defenders; Colleen was kicking ass any chance she got and really shone in the last episode, Claire didn’t have the big role I thought she would in bringing everyone together but she was there the whole time and joined the fight when it mattered and I can’t get enough of that woman, Misty also brought her A-game working the cop side throughout and I’m weirdly thrilled she’s lost her arm now and that she’s gonna be in Iron Fist Season 2 #DaughtersOfTheDragonFeelsIntensify
  • So many incredible character interactions as well, obviously the main four coming together was a big deal but equally important was when they set up the protection service for secondary characters (friends and family/loved ones/whatever they called it) leading to some great cross over moments.
  • I know people love to moan about Marvel villains but I don’t see how they can with The Defenders?!?!?!?!?!
  • Sigourney Weaver as Alexandra was perfection, a wonderful big bad to set up the series although I did kind of love it when Elektra murdered her.
  • Elektra herself is of course always a boss and was putting everyone on their ass from the very first episode.
  • I’m sorry but my MVP always has been and always will be Madame Gao, I don’t know what it is but I love that woman and I’m so glad that after all these years she’s come into the forefront and got to kick some ass herself.
  • The Hand made a lot more sense this time as well, it wasn’t just ninja in the darkness hurting everyone, we got the inner circle, they had a clear history and clear goals to accomplish.
  • Colleen and Danny continue to melt my heart, I love them.
  • Matt and Elektra are also a guilty pleasure of mine and that ending did nothing to extinguish that, a perfect ending for the pair, although I doubt it is and ending for either of them.
  • Whilst I love Claire/Luke so much and their relationship seeing Luke and Jessica together again and exchanging little comments about their time together has me torn.
  • So it had everything, a great plot, great action sequences, great main characters, incredible secondary characters, great villains and was generally done amazingly well all round!
I've watched all 13 episodes of Iron Fist to have receipts as to why it is terrible

- Danny Rand coming back and sitting on the doorstep of Joy saying it’s some ancient Buddhism practice to spill leaves and light incense = I’m a practicing Buddhist for 26 years and I have never done that or heard of anyone doing that?
- Finn Jones has the charisma of a gnat. He scoffs randomly and he acts like a belligerent child when he was suppose to be trained to be calm and collected trained by monks?
- Finn Jones’ ACTING ABILITY IS EITHER: a. Yelling real loud when angry B. Scoffing awkwardly C. whispering contemptuously D. Shaking erratically
- The characters’ motivations DON’T MAKE ANY SENSE??? IT ALSO TAKES DANNY RAND 13 EPISODES TO FIGURE OUT THE MEACHUMS DON’T CARE ABOUT HIM WHEN WE FIGURED IT OUT IN THE FIRST EPISODE? I know dramatic irony is a thing, but what???
- What is up with this version of The Hand? The Hand in DareDevil left murder, chaos, and dead bodies like no other; Iron Fist’s The Hand uses guns?? Trains teenagers from New York?? Bakuto was the most threatening, but he didn’t even compare at all???
- DANNY RAND needs to stop citing random “Asian” proverbs????
- Danny Rand is NOT an outsider, I mean yes, he was an outsider in K'un L'un, but he’s still a rich white dude from New York like??
- The martial arts scenes are UNINSPIRED and BORING. I was more enthralled by DareDevil!!
- It’s REALLY cheesy!!! Like the scene where Danny talks to Davos about how he saw the eagle and it was a *~SIGN??
- I’ve watched 13 episodes and I still don’t know why Colleen is even remotely attractive to this white dude who WOULDN’T LEAVE HER AND HER DOJO ALONE???
- CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW NUANCED IT WOULD'VE​ BEEN IF IT WAS AN ASIAN-AMERICAN GOING BACK TO HIS OWN COUNTRY AND THEN TO RETURN TO AMERICA TO FACE THIS KIND OF DUALITY OF CULTURES AND COME FACE TO FACE WITH THE IDEA OF BEING OTHER AND BEING THIS ASIAN-AMERICAN????? COMEEE ONNN

HIGHLIGHTS:
- Ward Meachum and Joy Meachum are really complex people and their relationship is great???
- Claire and Colleen Wing as BFFs and I need a whole series of them taking ragtag teenagers in and helping them
- Lewis Tan had more charisma and acting chops in the five minutes he was fighting Danny Rand ( I WAS KINDA ROOTING FOR HIM TO WIN OVER DANNY)
- Jeri Hogarth