being one with nature, waking up to the chirping of the birds and the rustling of the trees, bonfires, the overwhelming feeling of freedom, disbelief towards the beauty of nature, wind making your hair dance, physical exhaustion but mental satisfaction
listening to music on full volume, old gas stations, watching the world roll past in front of the car window, constant airflow to make the heat more bearable, pulling up to go skinny dipping or watch the stars, genuine laughter, hanging your head or hands out the window
solitude, peace and quiet, rowing on a hot and sunny day, watching the lake wake up und go to sleep with beautiful sunrises and sunsets, hot tea and wine, being with your favourite person, finding yourself, being free from troubles, watching nature sitting on a gangplank wrapped in blankets
the sun warming you inside out, collecting shells, wasting your time in the sun, fooling around in the water, listening to the steady rythm of the tides, sand sticking to your body, smelling the salty sea breeze, burning your feet on the hot sand, the smell of sunscreen
visiting museums, sitting in beautiful cafés watching all different sorts people, long strolls to all of your favourite places on a sunny day, eating ice cream, smiling to strangers, taking pictures, watching the city wake up from a rooftop, midnight kisses under the streetlights
wavy hair and summer dresses, lying in the hammock, wasting your day at a lagoon, living where no one can find you, worshipping nature, waking up to hundreds of different noises, diversity of plants and colors and animals, feeling completely relaxed
I feel like no one talks enough about how losing Noodle affected Murdoc
-Murdoc and Noodle have the video and Noodle’s escape all planned out, and it’s all perfect. Murdoc tells her, “Ignore the radio calls. Ignore the search parties. Parachute off that island, call me when you’re safe, and go take your break.” Noodle promises, and everything’s ready.
-Russel and 2D are panicking after the crash, the support team is trying to radio her, the crew is searching through the wreckage, but Murdoc isn’t worried. He’s waiting for the call.
-But the call doesn’t come. Murdoc waits a day. Then two days. Then a whole week. And Noodle isn’t calling. None of his calls go through. And that’s when Murdoc starts to panic.
-It’s the way he burns through a pack a night staring out his cellphone and waiting for a text, the way he holes himself in the radio room resting his forehead on the rim of a rum bottle, hoping she’d maybe try to catch him on the waves. But he doesn’t hear anything. It’s all static.
-One night he’s too drunk and too manic and he stumbles to the crash site and just starts digging. Pulling away the wooden slats, burned clumps of Earth, empty bullet shells, metal sheets stripped from the bombs that were dropped. It’s been hours, his hands are bloody, his shirt is soaked through in sweat, and he finds nothing. He sits there on his knees, staring at his hands, looking around him, and he feels his throat close up. He realizes he fucked up.
-He visits that crash site every week to look again, long after Kong is burned down, long after the group is in shambles.
-One day at the crash site, when he’s thinking about plastic pieces hiding in the sand, he finds a clump of Noodle’s hair. He sits there, runs his fingers through it, realizes he finally has a piece of her that he gets to keep, and comes up with an absurd idea.
-He pulls out medical journals, books on coding, programming languages for robotics, and dozens and dozens of pictures of Noodle. He slaves for nights on end, so many nights he can’t remember, and he knows this idea is absurd, but what if it worked? What if he could actually do it?
-It takes him months but she’s finally ready. When he runs his fingers through her hair, it almost feels real.
-But it’s not the same. Cyborg doesn’t remember their inside jokes from when Noodle was 10 and still using pinky promises to keep them sacred. Doesn’t remember the time Murdoc would always buy Noodle chocolate when he went out to get smokes. Doesn’t remember the smile and the pat on the head he gave her when he heard her Demon Days sketches. Cyborg kills and does what he tells her, and he knows Noodle wouldn’t have tolerated that for a second. But he needs his band. He needs her. He needs what keeps him sane. He can’t do without it. He wouldn’t survive.
-Then there are nights he sits in Cyborg’s charging station, watching the sparks, reading her malfunction logs, looking on eBay for replacement parts, and feeling his throat close up once more. His fingers shake as he flips through pages and pages of error messages. He prays in secret that she doesn’t burn out. He can’t lose her twice. He might not survive it.
Dean had finished tape 3 and had never been more angry. How could Mary talk to you like that? Why would she say such nasty things just to hurt you? As soon as Sam woke up in the car and saw the anger covering Dean’s face he knew that he had finished the tape. “Dean-”
“Talk to mom about it, please, you’ll understand,” Sam insisted.
“Understand?” Dean shouted. “Understand what, Sammy? She said those things to Y/N, she made her feel like she had no one.”
“No,” Sam shook his head. “Dean, talk to mom, please! You know that’s not like her, you know that.”
“It doesn’t explain anything,” Dean growled. “Y/N wouldn’t lie.”
“Y/N didn’t lie, but that’s not what happened,” Sam revealed. “Please, talk to her and you will understand… I promise.”
They didn’t talk for the rest of the car journey. Sam just wanted to get back to the bunker so that Dean could hear Mary’s explanation. Dean couldn’t even imagine the excuse that his mom had come up with. It had to be a really good excuse if he was going to forgive her. It must have been so heartbreaking to hear those things coming from a woman that you saw as your mother.
Dean stormed angrily through the door and hoped that they would be home but they must have been out on another hunt. He didn’t want to wait, he was so full of rage right now that it seemed like the perfect opportunity to question her rather when he had calmed down later. So he called her.
The phone rung, and rung, and rung. There was no answer. He tried again, time and time again. Nothing. She must have been busy on a hunt and didn’t have access to her phone right now. That only made his anger grow even more.
Just as he was about to try to call her again, the doors of the bunker opened. Dean looked up and saw his mom and dad standing at the top of the stairs- it felt like he was staring at strangers. Smiles plastered their faces as they walked into the war room and started gloating about their successful hunt. Neither of them noticed the evil glare they were receiving from Dean, it was mostly at Mary.
Sam smiled back and listened to their story. He knew how pissed Dean was so he just smiled through it and tried to act as if things weren’t about to blow up.
“John was amazing!” Mary continued to say.
“Please, you saved my ass,” John replied. “If it wasn’t for your mother this hunt would never have been such a success.”
After a few moments of basking in their glory, Mary turned to Dean and noticed his look of pure rage. He hadn’t planned what he was going to say, how could he? There were too many thought running through his head. “Dean?” She asked as the whole room became silent. John and Sam watched intently.
“Mom.” He simply nodded.
Sam sighed. “Dean listened to your tape.”
Dean was too angry to do anything. His anger just froze him in place because he knew that if he let the anger take over, he would never forgive himself for what he did. “Yeah,” Dean agreed. “We need to talk. Alone.”
He gave her no time to try and speak to him where she was. Dean walked off into the library and watched Sam and his father disappear into the hallway that led to the kitchen. Mary took a seat while Dean leaned against the table with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Dean-” she said to break the silence.
“Stop,” he snapped. “I don’t even know what to say, mom. I mean, I always thought that you and Y/N had a close connection, I thought you loved her. Clearly I was wrong.”
“You weren’t wrong!“ She tried to defend herself.
“Then why is my sister dead?!” He growled. Sam and John could have probably heard him from the kitchen but that didn’t stop him from continuing to shout at Mary. “How could you say those awful things to her? That she was better off dead. That you didn’t love her like a daughter and she ruined our family. What the fuck is wrong with you, Mary?!”
“Dean,” she spoke in a calm voice as a tear rolled down her cheek. “Please, let me explain what happened.”
Dean continued to breathe heavily, his face has become red and he was pushed away from the table. He tried to calm himself and listen to what she had to say. He crossed his arms over his chest and actually listened, the anger inside still boiling.
“The day that she heard that, Sam and Y/N were on a hunt. They were hunting a witch,” she began. “That witch did something, I didn’t know what, but when Y/N came home that day she was acting strange. I never suspected it was because of the witch until I heard my tape and what Y/N thought I had said to her. The witch cast a spell on her that made Y/N hear whatever scared her the most…” Mary couldn’t hold back her years anymore. She began to sob uncontrollably. “Her worst fear was hearing me say that I didn’t love her.”
“If it was a witch then why didn’t you tell Y/N…” Dean was about to ask.
“I didn’t figure it out until I heard my tape. Until Y/N was already dead and it was too late for me to save her,” Mary added. She shook her head as she looked down at the floor. “I will never forgive myself for what happened.”
“Mom, it wasn’t your fault,” Dean concluded as he finally heard her story. “I just wish you would have figured out what was wrong with her so you could have told her what you just told me.”
“I know,” Mary nodded. “I wish I could too. I always wondered why she acted so distant from me. If I wasn’t too scared to ask her then maybe she would…” But she couldn’t finish her sentence.
Dean’s anger had washed away and turned into a darkness that he didn’t know how to get rid of. It was so painful and sad. He was sad for Mary and sad for you. She would have to live with herself knowing what you believed, and you had to believe that the whole time you were alive and that was something that would damage anyone.
Mary stood up and went to walk off but Dean stopped her to hug her. The hug was awkward, neither of them knew how to hug each other properly but it was also strangely comforting. Dean released his arms from her and let her wander off to the kitchen. He, however, had something else to do. Tape 4.
So off he went, back to his room, door closed and tapes ready. The headphones on, the tape in the player, and the play button pressed.
“Secrets. We all have them. Some more than others and some bigger than others, but we all have them. Sometimes those secrets eat away at us, but sometimes it’s better if they stay hidden… I had one of those secrets and I kept it between me and a person that I trusted. But, that secret was shared to the only people that I didn’t want to know about it.“
* * *
After what happened with Mary you just had to move on and act like you were fine. Lately that seemed to be all you were doing. Pretending to be okay. You couldn’t burden John or your brothers with your problems and least of all Mary.
You carried on acting like you were fine.
Of course, that could never last too long. Pretending you were fine until you were actually fine used to be something you were okay with, but since you knew nothing would ever change it was time for you to be out on your own. You weren’t going to tell anyone that you were leaving so you just headed off. A note was left on your bed saying, ‘don’t come looking for me’ and that was the end of things. You couldn’t be bothered with the drama of the Winchesters anymore. Before you left you were sure to turn your GPS off so that they couldn’t track you.
It was only a few hours after you were gone and Dean had already tried to call you. You had walked to a car rental place and rented an old car that none of them would have expected you to rent if they came looking for you.
You were out of town now, you ignored all of the calls and didn’t bother to check who was calling you. You were left a dozen voicemails but you only listened to one. It was from Sam.
You held the phone to your ear and listened to his voicemail.
‘Y/N, it’s me, it’s Sam.
We’re all worried about you.
Please, whatever it is, we can talk about it.
I just need to know that you’re safe.. Please call me back
I love you little sis, wherever you are, please don’t do anything stupid.’
The voicemail was hard to listen to, almost enough to make you want to go back.. That’s why you couldn’t listen to any others. They could have made you go back but you knew that was a mistake.
There was one voicemail that you saved to your phone but never actually ended up listening to. It was from Mary. You promised yourself that one day you would listen to it just to see what she said, but another part of yourself begged for you to leave well enough alone.
It was getting close to dark, the calls had stopped regularly but did come in a few times every half hour just to give it a try. They must have been looking for you too instead of calling you. You looked at the gas meter in your car and it was getting close to the empty sign. You pulled over in a gas station but realised you had no money. The guy in the gas station watched you from the window of the shop as you poured the gas into your car. You made sure it was filled as much as it could be. You didn’t want to have to steal from another gas station so soon so you had to make the most of this.
As you jumped back into your car and sped off down the road with the man from the shop trying to chase you, you realised that this is what your life would be from now on. The hunting life sucked, but it was all you knew now. Ever since what Crowley did… That was it, there was no going back to your life. This was your life now.
After driving up the highway for almost another hour, you saw a sign that said there was a motel coming up that was next to a diner. This was perfect! Apart from the fact that you had no money to check into the motel or buy any food at the diner.
You ended up driving past the motel and going into a small town. You had no idea what your plan was, probably to just sleep in your car for the night and figure something out tomorrow. That was until someone knocked on your car door and scared the shit out of you.
As you turned your head and recognised who it was, you calmed down and opened your door. “Jesus, Charlie, you scared me.”
“Sorry, I was just surprised to see you!” She exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around you.
* * *
“Seeing you that day was the start of my secret being shared. Welcome to tape 4. Welcome to your tape, Charlie.”
Charlie Bradbury. Who would have thought? Dean never would have guessed. He should have, he knew that you and Charlie had a good friendship that was thrown away by something you wouldn’t tell him. You never told anyone what she did to you, but now everyone on the tapes knew. All of them knew, and Dean would know soon enough too.
* * *
Charlie’s apartment was close to where you had parked. You hadn’t actually realised that this was where she lived, every time you had seen her was when she would come to the bunker for visits or to help out on hunts.
She insisted that you would come inside. She asked what you were doing there alone and if she should call your brothers but you quickly shot the idea down.
“A lot of stuff has been going on, Charlie,” you admitted as you stepped into her living room and placed your bag down on her couch. “There’s just so much going on that I can’t deal with, so I ran away.”
“You ran away?” She questioned. “But- the boys, they must be so worried about you!”
“I left them a note. And besides, I can take care of myself,” you replied. You took a seat on the couch but Charlie stayed standing.
“They will track you, you know,” she tried to warn you. She folded her arms over her chest as she spoke down to you.
“I turned my GPS off, they have no way of finding me. Please don’t tell them where I am, Charlie. I just… I need to be alone for a while,” you sighed. You rubbed your tired eyes as Charlie dropped her arms to her side sympathetically. “Please.”
“I won’t tell Sam and Dean where you are,” she promised with a sad smile. “On one condition. You text them and tell them that you just need some space but you’re safe, you know what they’re like, they won’t stop worrying.”
“Fine,” you nodded in agreement. “I’ll do it now.”
Even though Charlie suggested that you should text your brothers, you decided a phone call would be the best approach.
You stood from the couch and Charlie went into the kitchen to get you some food. You stood in the bathroom to talk to them just so you could have a little privacy.
You thought that hearing your voice and how calm you were would ease them and make them realise that this was best for you. They were understanding people, so why was your heart pounding so hard?
After only one ring, Dean picked up and sounded worried.
“Y/N? Where are you? Why haven’t you been answering our calls?” He demanded. You could hear Sam breathing, you must have been on speaker and they were both standing close to the phone.
“Where are dad and Mary?” You questioned calmly.
“They’re out looking for you,” Sam replied. “Please, just tell us where you are so we can come and pick you up.”
“I don’t need picking up,” you laughed lightly. “I’m ok. Really, I am. I just need to be out on my own for a while, I don’t know if that’s hunting or trying to be normal or whatever- I don’t know. I need space from the Winchesters for a while, I need to figure out who I am and if I even belong in your family.”
“You do. You belong in our family,” Dean said quickly. “You promise that you’re safe?”
“I’m safe, Dean,” you promised. “I wouldn’t put myself in danger, but I’m 18 years old and I need to try and do things on my own for a while. I hope you understand.”
“We do,” Sam agreed. “Although we don’t really want you gone, we respect your decision. Don’t be a stranger.”
“I’ll check in every now and then,” you smiled, even though they couldn’t see you though the phone. “I love you guys.”
“Love you too, silly little weirdo,” Dean said which he knew bugged you but you just laughed.
And with that you hung up the phone. That was a lot easier than you had expected, but then your brothers always were understanding towards you. You had figured it was because they had so many rules from John when they were growing up and would have loved space. Then you remembered that Sam did have space, but John wasn’t supportive of him leaving and Sam didn’t want you to hurt the same way he did.
You headed back to the couch where Charlie had brought you some food. A plate of fries that were a little warm, she must have cooked them earlier and decided not to eat them. As you began eating she started asking you a bunch of questions.
“Do you have any money? What are you planning on doing? Are you going to get a job?” She asked all in the space of you taking one bite of your fries.
“Charlie!” You shouted with a mouth still full of food. You took a moment to swallow what was in your mouth before speaking again. “Could you please stop asking me all these questions.”
“I’m sorry, I just need to know that you’re going to be okay,” she replied with a sad smile. Her heart was in the right place.
* * *
“Or so I thought it was. I was wrong, Charlie. I mean, maybe at the beginning you really did just want to help me… But I can’t forgive you for what you told my dad and Mary. What you told them- it’s the reason I ended up in, well, you know.”
And at that moment the tapes became too hard to listen to once again. Dean knew exactly what you meant, but how did Charlie do that to you? What could she possibly have told John and Mary for you to end up in that place?
It was around lunch time, Dean hadn’t eaten anything all day. He remembered that the day before there was a left over piece of pie in the fridge but he felt too anxious to eat it. He headed to the kitchen to eat, that’s all he ever seemed to leave his room for anymore. Not unless it was a hunt that Sam had found but it usually ended up being a dead end.
Back in the kitchen, surrounded by his ‘family’ once again. They all knew what Charlie had done, John and Mary knew before the tapes that Charlie shared your secret. But what could the secret have been? Dean never knew why John sent you to that place… He never gave him an explanation. All his mom and dad would ever say about you is, ‘she’s sick and she needs help.’ He walked into the kitchen where they were all sitting around the dinner table. They were all whispering before he came in but stopped as soon as he arrived in the doorway.
He walked past their glares and went to the fridge where he took out the slice of pie that was left and began eating it with a fork from the kitchen counter.
“You know,” Dean started, “I was thinking that we haven’t seen Charlie in a while… Maybe we should give her a call?”
They all froze at the mention of her name. “Uh- I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Sam replied. “I mean, I’ve tried but she hasn’t been answering my calls ever since she had the tapes.”
“Hm,” Dean nodded his head subtly. “What she did was really that bad, huh?” He took another mouthful, how was it that he was already almost finished with the pie?
“No,” Mary snapped. “But she thinks it is… That’s why she won’t speak to any of us, she thinks she’s a bad person.”
“From what Y/N’s saying it sounds like she is,” Dean hissed back. Once again, silence. All eyes on Dean. “Is Charlie the reason you sent Y/N to-“
“Dean, your sister was sick. She needed help,” John said again like he had back when you were still in that awful place.
“Don’t give me the same bullshit you gave me back when you sent her there! I asked you a damn question,” he fumed as he put the plate and fork back down on the kitchen counter. “Is Charlie the reason that you sent Y/N to Serenity Grove?”
“Y/N was troubled!” John shouted.
“So you sent her to a damn Psychiatric Institution?!” Dean roared back. John stayed seated at the table while Dean spoke. “We knew she was troubled from day one, Charlie must have told you something about her that none of us knew for you to want to have sent her there.”
John sighed and shook his head. He began to explain himself. “Serenity Grove Psychiatric Institution was a place for troubled teens and young adults. I thought sending her there would help her, and it did.”
“Help her with what? What don’t I know? What didn’t you tell Sam and me about our sister?” Dean roared. “Sam, you only found out from the tapes about why she was in Serenity Grove, why aren’t you pissed?”
“I was when I listened to the tape,” Sam nodded. “I’m with Dean on this one, you guys should have told us about Y/N. All these secrets are what destroyed our family… They’re what destroyed Y/N.”
“You don’t think we know that by now?” Mary questioned with a soft voice. Dean could tell that she was growing tired of getting angry at the situation, she just wanted to stop talking about the tapes because they hurt. “Look, we’re sorry for the secrets we kept. We can’t change that now. But this tape isn’t about us, it’s about Charlie and it’s about Y/N.”
There was no point in listening to the same bullshit they told him each time. Dean decided to go for a drive while he listened to the rest of tape 4. He left the box of the rest of the tapes on his bed.
* * *
After you and Charlie had finished eating your fries, she offered for you to spend the night at her apartment. It was the obvious choice over your car, but it seemed like if you stayed she would have called your brothers. However, she had already made a promise to not call Sam or Dean, and they respected your choice to have some space from the whole family.
In the end, you realised that you were too physically and emotionally tired to even care. You borrowed a pair of Charlie’s comfortable pjs and sat back down on the couch with her. “So,” she began. “You ran away. Why?”
You sighed with a dramatic eye roll. “Seriously, Charlie? The whole ‘protective older sister’ questions.”
“You’re like a little sister to me, Y/N. Of course the ‘protective older sister’ questions were going to come out. I promised you I wouldn’t tell them anything already, you can trust me!”
You shook your head and rubbed your eyes tiredly. “I guess things are just… Bumpy.”
“Bumpy?” She repeated. “With anyone in particular?”
Yeah, Mary basically told me that I’m not a daughter to her and that she wishes I was dead. “No, no one in particular. I just don’t feel like I fit in.”
“You know, for someone that lies professionally, you sure are a crappy liar,” she replied. “Come on, I know that you’re not okay. You can tell me, Y/N.”
You sighed. “I guess things just haven’t been all sunshine and rainbows recently. I’m suffering a lot, Mary doesn’t like me, John barely even cares that I exist. The only people that seem to really care about me are my brothers.”
“Your brothers are good people,” Charlie admitted. “Personally, I don’t think Mary and John are the best but, they’re still part of your family. They’re not the worst people in the world…”
“You don’t know the half of it,” you replied with a shake of you head. “There are some secrets that I have to keep from them.”
“Really?” Charlie questioned with raised eyebrows. “Things like what?”
“When I was living with my mom I had problems that I had to take medication for. I have these voices in my head,” you finally revealed.
“You’re schizophrenic?“ She almost shouted in shock.
“No!” You shot back. “I’ve been to the doctors with my mom before and they said it’s not schizophrenia. It’s just because, when I was a kid, my mom had some not so nice boyfriends. Their abuse caused me to create someone imaginary in my head, a bit like an imaginary friend. But this voice somehow stayed with me and started telling me bad things about myself. Sometimes it gets too loud and causes me to hurt myself.”
“Gets? As in..”
“Yeah, I can still hear it now.” You nodded. “I stopped taking my medication when I went to live with John. It’s only recently that I started hearing it again.”
“So why not take the medication still?” She asked with her arms folded. She seemed a little easy but you thought nothing of it.
“When I left my mom, I stopped going to pick up my prescription. The voice comes and goes, it’s not a big deal,” you lied. It was a bit louder than you would have liked, it happened more than you wanted it to. “I don’t hurt myself anymore because of it so it doesn’t have to be a problem.”
“Well, you get some rest, okay?” Charlie smiled as she ruffled your hair. “I’ll take the couch tonight, you can have my bed.”
Charlie was so kind to you. As soon as she suggested getting some rest, you headed off to her room and plopped down onto her bed. You didn’t remember much after that… Not until you were being woken up and dragged away while Charlie was screaming ‘I’m so sorry!’
* * *
“I was terrified. I had no idea what was going on. All I wanted to do was sleep, wake up and see my best friend, my sister, and move on with my day as an independent woman. I was ready for the next challenge in my life. Serenity Grove didn’t offer me any freedom… And you’re the reason I was sent there. You were so clever about it too, because you promised me you wouldn’t tell Sam and Dean, so instead you told John and Mary.”
* * *
“John?” Charlie questioned as someone answered on the other side of the phone.
“This is Mary, John is out right now,” Mary replied. “Is everything okay?”
“Y/N is here, she’s sleeping in my room,” Charlie revealed and heard a sigh of relief on the other end of the phone.
“She’s okay? We’ve all been so worried about her! I’m so glad she’s safe.”
“Mary, you don’t understand. There’s something wrong with Y/N… She needs help. She needs medication.”
She spent the rest of the phone call explaining exactly what you had said about the voice in your head. John had come back half way through the phone call and Mary put Charlie on speaker. Charlie kept suggesting the medication again, that’s all she ever wanted for you was the medication. She wanted you to be free like you wanted but you also needed to be safe.
Little did she know that Mary and John were going to call a psychiatric institution for teens and young adults.
A few days after you had been restrained and put in, after you had finally stopped fighting back and just sat there with tears staining your face, you were aloud visitors.
Sam and Dean visited you first. John tried to but every time he came in you attacked him and screamed, ‘you’re the reason I’m in here! Fuck you! Fuck you, John! You and your fucking wife! Get the fuck away from me!’
When Sam and Dean visited they explained that John and Mary wouldn’t tell them why you were in there. You were too embarrassed to tell them so you always avoided the question.
“Sweetheart, you know that we love you,” Dean said sadly.
You nodded your head with more tears streaming down your face. You were such a mess. You hair was unbrushed and frizzy, you had no makeup on and your skin had got really bad, your eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. You always used to love getting yourself all dressed up for every day occasions and the boys seeing you like this and knowing that you had lost everything you loved to do was heartbreaking. “Please, don’t leave me here. Take me home.”
“We wish we could,” Sam replied with a soft voice.
“The meds they give me are bad. They hurt me!” You lied. All you wanted to do was leave. “They give me headaches and they stop me from sleeping. They’re going to kill me, please! You have to get me out of here!”
Even though they hated it, the nurses said that when you got like this it was best for Sam and Dean to say goodbye and that they love you. Then they would walk out. They weren’t aloud to do anything else or you would have started getting erratic.
Once they were gone, you didn’t expect them back for another week. They always came back on a Tuesday every week.
The next day when they told you that you had a visitor, you told them that your brothers wouldn’t be here on a Wednesday. It disrupted your routine and made you on edge. When you got to the visitors room, you saw who was really here to visit you. You took a seat on the chair opposite her in the little lounge where people could come in for visits.
“Charlie,” you snarled. “What the fuck are you doing here?” You questioned calmly.
She was shaking, here eyes red just like yours (she must have been crying too). “Y/N… When I told Mary and John-”
“What were you thinking?” You questioned in betrayal. Your voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper. “You promised me.”
“I promised I wouldn’t tell Sam and Dean where you were. I didn’t promise that I wouldn’t tell Mary and John about the voices,” she replied. What she said was true, but she still shouldn’t have told them.
“I told you I didn’t want them to know, so why tell them? You knew I wanted to be free now you shove me in here?”
“I didn’t want you to be put in here. I just wanted you to take the meds again,” she stuttered. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I love you, I never wanted you to be put in here.”
“Yeah, well, I was. Good work, Charlie. Next time maybe you should listen to me when I say that I trust you and I only wanted to tell you. Not that there will be a next time, I don’t know if I can even forgive you let alone trust you ever again,” you snapped. You shook your head as more tears fell from your eyes. “I’m so tired of crying. It’s all I can really do in here.”
“I can come back for more visits if you want,” she offered.
“I don’t want you to. I want you to just leave me alone, or get my brothers to get me out. But you won’t, because that means having to tell them what you did…”
* * *
“And with that, you left Serenity Grove. You cried. I don’t know why, at least you got to leave. You weren’t stuck in that place. And you were too scared to tell Sam and Dean that you were the reason why, that’s why you never told them to get me out. It ruined me, Charlie. It just added to the pain that was already slowly killing me…“
And there, tape 4 had ended. Dean found himself outside of a place he didn’t know he was going to drive to, but he ended up here. It’s where his subconscious took him, and it was a pretty good reason too.
He climbed out of his car, walked into the apartment building and knocked on the door where he was greeted by none other than Charlie. She was shocked to say the least. Her jaw practically dropped to the floor as she saw him standing in the door way. “Can I come in?” He asked as he barged his way in anyway.
“Dean, uh… Hi,” she replied with a shaky voice as she closed the door. “How are you?”
“Oh, you know. Still torn up over Y/N’s death,” he said with arms folded over his chest. “Just getting my way through the tapes.”
“Shit,” she cursed under her breath. “Look, about Serenity Grove-”
“I’m not here for an explanation, I just want to make sure you understand why she was so upset. You betrayed her, Charlie. She trusted you and felt safe with you and you just went against her!”
“I know,” Charlie nodded vigorously. “And I can never take that back now, I am so sorry. I wish I could have fixed it.”
“You could have fixed it!” Dean shouted. Charlie flinched at the loudness of his voice. “Why didn’t you come to me and Sam about what you did? We wouldn’t have been mad, it’s the secrets that make me angry.”
Charlie took a moment to breathe. She hated herself for what she had done to you, the fact that Dean was angry just made it harder for her. “I’m so sorry. What I did, I’ll never forgive myself. I want to kill myself because of it.”
Dean’s face softened. Sure, Charlie lied and made mistakes, but not enough for her to feel like this. “I’ve already lost one sister to suicide, I can’t lose another.”
“I’m still family to you? Even after what I did?” Charlie sniffled.
“Yes. Y/N would have forgiven you too, if she were still here. But no more lies, Charlie,” he replied sternly. “I’m mad at you, but of course I still love you like a sister. You are still family no matter what.”
“I’m on the tapes,” she reminded him.
“So am I,” Dean replied quickly. Charlie didn’t know how to reply to it, so Dean continued. “I didn’t come here to shout at you. I mean, I wanted to get angry at you, and I’m glad that I did. But- I’m here for something else. I want you to forgive yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just own up to what you did! Stop ignoring mine and Sam’s calls. It’s over, we’ve all done bad things, but unless you hurt her like Crowley did, you need to forgive yourself.”
“Will you forgive yourself?” Charlie questioned. “When you find out what you did, do you think you’ll be able to handle it? Whether it’s unintentional or not, it’s hard to forgive yourself… But I promise I’m going to do it. I’ll stay alive, I won’t make the same mistake Y/N did.”
That’s exactly what it was. A mistake. Dean never knew what to call your death when people asked. Now he did. It wasn’t the answer, you should have talked to somebody but now it was too late.
After talking to Charlie and reassuring her that it’s okay to forgive herself, Dean headed back to the bunker with tape 4. When he arrived back, he put the tape and the tape player in his back pocket and went towards the door. When he got there, he realised that it was open. The lock had been shot at.
Someone had broken in. Who? Why? Most importantly, how?
Dean pulled his gun out of his other back pocket that didn’t have the tape in it. As he came in, the war room was full of men and women in hunting gear and guns pointed towards Mary, John and Sam. Dean ran down the stairs and into the war room where all the hunters held their guns towards him. Then, in the middle of them all stood a man that none of them liked. An evil, manipulative, monster of a man.
Silently. Just looking at Dean, he stepped forward with the box of tapes in his hands.
“I’ve already filled your family in but I’ll just give you a brief summary. These tapes can not be listened to by anyone higher up than me, no one at all that I work for. And they are clever, they could end up finding these.”
“What about these people?” Dean snapped with his gun pointing towards the monstrosity of a man in front of him.
“These people all work for me. But my bosses, however, people higher up, none of them can know that I am on here or what I did to your darling sister. So I must burn them before anything more happens with them.”
“You’re not going anywhere with those tapes,” Dean replied. “Hand them over, Ketch.”
You looked up from pouring a beer for someone when you heard the doors to the Garrison open. Not many people were in today. It was hardly afternoon so the only people around were the drunks. Tommy walked in with Arthur and John, heading for the private room. Arthur had told you a few days ago that they were planning an expansion and would be holding interviews for men to join the Blinders in the coming days.
“We’re taking London.” Had been Arthur’s explanation when he’d told you about it. You had been balancing the books for the Garrison and Arthur had been gossiping about the business with you while you worked.
“Good luck with that.” You were unenthused by the information. You had been putting off talking to Tommy for the past few weeks and with the news of London it seemed like finding a good time to talk would be pointless.
My lame explanation for not posting on Tumblr. I only work 3 days a week, but I covered 3 shifts on top of my 3 full shifts.
“I’m here to relieve you.”
Lance doesn’t take his eyes off the ocean.
Shiro coughs into his hand, before he speaks up again.
“I said, I’m here to relieve you kid.”
“Go home Shiro, you’re still sick.”
He coughs harshly into his hand to support lance’s accusation.
“Yeah, well Hunks got it worse which is why I can’t have one of my guard open and close for 2 days straight.”
“It’s been 3 and I’m sure another day won’t kill me.”
“…but it does make the scene unsafe. I can’t trust my lifeguard to make the best judgement after 3 shifts in a row.”
Lance turns to face Shiro
“…and I can’t trust my supervisor to make the best decisions when he is still recovering from pneumonia.”
Their staring contest is short lived when Shiro turn his head to cough.
Lance takes this opportunity to hold his grounds.
“It doesn’t matter Shiro, I won’t be alone. The new lifeguard you hired starts today, and the last thing we want is for him to think this station is a living pétri dish.”
Lance looked agaped.
He loved Shiro, he became a lifeguard specifically to work with his team on the south side, and he could proudly admit that he learned everything he knew from him. So he knew the fuzzy memory was a side effect of his illness.
“Shiro. I’ve got this. Get some rest and I’ll handle the New guy and I’ll show him the run down too.”
The expression on the older boys face shows that he’s got a headache over this entire scenario, but he trust Lance’s advice and decided to head home after all.
He wouldn’t Leave Lance if he didn’t trust him. The boys worked with him for years now, and he has definitely made an impact on the community. The district had even offered him a station on the North Shore with a team of his own.
The North shore was just as gnarly as the South side, but they had sun kissed babes straight out of a magazine, so Shiro knows that Lance could leave anytime if he wanted.
“Thanks Lance, I appreciate this and lance…
Lance looks at Shiro with utmost respect and focus.
”…don’t push yourself. I don’t want another guard down.“
When Shiro is off the beach and out of sight, Lance can’t help but sigh. Hes down right exhausted, and he’s pretty sure he’s going to catch whatever his coworkers got. If he can just stay on his feet until Shiro is fully recovered, and for Hunk to get over the worse than Lance can crash and burn without any worry about who’s watching the beach.
He’s been working on this beach since he was a sophomore in High school. It was just a part time job for quick cash, but after his first rescue he fell in love with his job.
The beach always brings in tourist, But he is always friendly with the locals.
He says while he walks the beach.
Pidge is a bright young boy who always sits and reads on the beach. Lance is pretty sure he has never seen him swim in all years that he worked as a Lifeguard, but he is never quick to Judge.
“Hey Lance, you here again?” Pidge asked with raised brows.
“I practically live here.” He laughs before it dies into a harsh cough.
“You okay? Your looking…” he stops to find the right words.
“You look pale.”
“Well I missed my classes today to be here, and Both my co-workers are patient zero. Your the genius you tell me.”
Pidge just grins.
“I don’t know if I’m a genius, but southside swells are coming in, and you don’t have to be a genius to know what that means.”
“The princess.” Lance whispers.
“Who’s the princess?” Lance turns to the unfamiliar voice. It’s his duty to be paying attention to the beach, so it catches him off guard that someone has been standing behind him, listening in.
“Only the greatest Surfer in this galaxy.”
“Oh.” The boy doesn’t say much more, but he’s wearing a red shirt with yellow shorts, and it only takes Lance a couple more glances to realize he’s the new Lifeguard Shiro hired.
“You must be Keith.” Lance puts his hand out to greet him formally.
“Yeah, but you’re not Shiro.”
“Lance actually. You’ll be shadowing me today, and hopefully Shiro will be back tomorrow to finish all the paperwork.”
The ebony hair boy just nods in agreement. He’s surprisingly quiet,and Lance can’t help but stare at his mullet.
“You look like you came out of an 80’s film with that hairstyle, you can tie it back can’t you?”
Pidge bubbles in laughter.
Keith on the other hand is self consciously touching his hair.
“I guess, if I need too?”
Lance just Waves off the conversation.
“Sorry Pidge, but we’ve got training to cover.”
Lance just Waves him off.
Keith follows closely behind Lance, as he moves towards the yellow station.
“Not to have listened in on a conversation that isn’t mine but who’s “Princess?” Keith asked, hoping to star small talk.
“You must be knew here.”
“Yeah, maybe like a month now?” He thinks.
“Princess Allura, she’s a professional surfer. She’s been traveling, catching waves around the world, but she’s grew up here.”
“Wow, thats cool to have a celebrity come to this beach.”
Lance just smiles.
“You’ve got a lot to learn.”
Keith doesn’t say much, just tilts his head to one side.
“Are you familiar with currents?”
Lance asked, to keep the conversation going but he know, the new guy has to know if Shiro hired him.
“Yeah, There was an earthquake a few weeks ago from Japan, I heard it was going to affect the Southside.”
“We call those Southside swells.”
Keith again just nods.
“Allura is in town, and she’s here for the surf, if you follow her twitter, then you would already know that, which means any of her local followers are probably going to be here to watch, or try to surf.”
“A lot of amateur show offs who are going to need our help.”
Lance continues to go through the training regimen, and the protocols
“I think that’s everything, and if you have questions you can ask me.” Lance coughs.
“Are you okay?”
Lance just sighed in his own exhaustion.
“Yup, don’t worry I’ll be fine.”
“Do we normally have shifts by ourselves?” Keith asked.
Hes been extremely careful to give Lance and the beach his full attention, but now that he’s open to ask, he can’t help but let all his concerns and nerves bubble out.
“Your the only Lifeguard here, and we’ve been at it for a couple hours now, aren’t we suppose to be working at least in pairs?”
Lance knew the question would eventually come up, but he’s so tired of talking already and he can feel his throats get raw
“Matt went off to College, which is why we were hiring, unfortunately Shiro and Hunk our other guards are both out sick.” Lance explains after clearing his throat..
“Are you sick?”
The questions is curt, but it takes Lance by surprise.
“What! No… I, I’ve covered shifts all week I’m just tired.
The expression on Keith’s face is knowing, but he doesn’t voice it.
They manage to keep the area safe for most of the morning. Everyone once in a while, Lance tells Keith to announce when the shore breaks are unsafe over speakers, but everyone manages to follow direction.
It’s almost a boring morning, but Lance can’t help but be grateful. He doesn’t want to get in the water today, he’s already shivering under his uniform, even with the sun out.
“Are you sure your okay?”
“I know I’m new but I can…”
Lance shoots up from his slouched position.
He’s running on the hot sand, and he’s in the water almost instantly.
Keith Just stand awkwardly in the station watching as Lance pulls a little girl into his arms, slowly letting the waves bring him back in, head never letting the girls head bob under the water.
By the time the Keith is on the beach, Lance is already talked by with the girls parents.
“Is, um… Is she okay.”
Lance is drenches in sea water looking at Keith incredulously.
“Perfect. No thanks to you.”
He spits as he walks back to grab a towel.
“Are you okay?”
Keith asked handing him a dry towel.
“Stop. Let’s get this straight new guy. Stop, asking if I’m okay. I get that your new, but you need to stop worrying about and keep your eyes on this beach.”
Lance tell Keith between wet soggy coughs.
“We have a perfect record this year for no incidents that require any medical attention, and I trust Shiro wouldn’t hire an idiot so I need you to help us keep that record clear. Focus on the beach and the swimmers, not me.”
“… You look hot.”
An embarrassing blush runs across Lance’s cheeks.
Keith presses a hand on Lance’s forehead.
Then slides the back of his hand to the blush on lance’s face.
Me a few days ago: I’m not going to write for a bit Me after last night’s ep. of the Flash: TIME TO WRITE UNTIL MY HANDS FALL OFF But for real, last night’s episode was so good and now I have Julian feels!!!
Title: For You Pairing: Julian Albert x reader Summary: Barry leaves you alone in the lab with Julian, which leads to you discovering his life story. Word Count: 1,705 Warnings: Food mention, spoilers about the Flash episode 3x04 (obviously)
"No, Allen, you may not steal another
sample from me,“ you heard Julian sneer as you walked into the lab.
You could feel the annoyance radiating off of Julian.
Barry catches your glance and rolls his eyes quickly. You smile at his
frustration with Julian, vaguely amused, but break the tension by handing Barry
a manila folder.
"Don’t worry about it Julian, Barr’s working on
something else,” you told him, resting your hand proudly on Barry’s
Barry thanks you with a smile before shrugging your hand
off gently and walking to his half of the lab. Julian pauses, eyes flickering
from you to Barry before replying.
"Well, good for him,“ Julian replied, busying
himself with the papers on his desk. "Working on something useful.”