watch out for crocs

the-demon-reaper  asked:

OH SHIT YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT WOULD BE AMAZING?? Who would win a melee fight between Wrench with a sledgehammer, and H2O Delirious with a baseball bat? I mean, it's an open-shut case really, but I'd still love to see it.

(Of course, I’m always going to go in assuming I’ll win. We might need to bring out MythBusters for this one.)


Essay I spent 6 hours on my computer got lost when the electricity went out during another Joker scheme at the power plant #OnlyinGotham #FUU

was in a hostage situation until THE batman showed up and kicked ASS!! got personally carried by bats himself as he swung us out the building. no str8 man wears that much tights ;) LOL #onlyingotham

Cops won’t shoot Mr Freeze or Joker yet “fear for their lives” when “handling” cases involving people of color #OnlyinGotham

#onlyingotham can ur 78 yr old grandma be accused of spearheading an elaborate bank heist. turned out to be clayface smh

worst thing supervillains brought to Gotham wasnt the trail of madness and destruction. it the wave of college students taking Psych101 to analyze the Joker #OnlyInGotham #GSU

finally got my introverted daughter to get out of the house right as the joker toxin was released. now paying for homeschool -.- #onlyingotham

Moved to Gotham cuz San Diego literally sank underwater. Think swimming with the sharks is better than watching out for Penguins&Crocs #Onlyingotham #subdiego

“THIS CITY IS MINE” says the loud booming voice. blows up random ass buildings. ignores the political/corporate/economic factors #onlyinGotham

The Joker Blogs (Series 1) Sentence Meme
  • This is ______ overseeing patient 4479 for rehabila... pl... please don't touch that.
  • Hhhhhhhiii.
  • I don't want to leave. I like it here. Free food. Roof over my head... Lovely company.
  • You don't think you have some real problems?
  • Nobody's perfect.
  • It's never a mistake to be who you are.
  • I like you. This is gonna be fun.
  • If I'd known it was this easy to get free drugs I would have done this years ago.
  • Why are you saying that to the camera?
  • I've got a friend who's gonna put this up on YouTube.
  • Did I ever tell you, you've got lovely eyes? They go well with the rest of your face. It's not like I wanna pop them out of your skull and carry them round on a key chain.
  • That's a compliment.
  • There's a difference between personal safety and fifteen guys manhandling you in the shower.
  • You stole money.
  • I burned it.
  • You lied to people.
  • I only told little white lies.
  • You destroyed public property.
  • I don't think we really NEED hospitals.
  • We have to be quiiiiiiiieeeeeeett...
  • If you and I had a daughter, that's what I'd want to name her.
  • Are you expecting a thank you cared for the dead body you left on my desk?
  • I'm not opposed to letter writing.
  • That reminds me of two dreams that I had last night! The first one had you in it... but... obviously this is not the best time to mention that.
  • Will you be my Valentine?
  • That IS my real name.
  • If this works, and I wake up, and my pants are off...
  • I take it you missed me?
  • Was it that obvious?
  • They're trying to get on your good side.
  • That's ridiculous. I don't have a good side.
  • How are you enjoying the view from MY former office?
  • Careful with this one, _______. He's not faking.
  • Funny thing is, neither is she.
  • When you see something you want... you take it. By force, if necessary.
  • I just finished painstakingly copying the Mona Lisa.
  • Yeah, that looks more like ________ to me.
  • You can't spell "artist" without "anarchist".
  • I'm running out of brown so I'm gonna do your hair yellow-- but it looks good, you should try going blonde.
  • We set a date for the wedding.
  • Am I invited? I love wedding cake.
  • It always comes down to making a choice. One or the other.
  • The fork in the throat-- road. Road. Fork in the road. Henry's the one with the fork in the throat.
  • They're going to lock you up and throw away the key.
  • That's a lot of keys to swallow. Is that why they hired you?
  • There's three types of people in this world. The optimist, who sees the glass as half full; the pessimist who sees it as half empty; and then there's the paranoid, and they just think someone is drinking out of their glass.
  • I'm the one who knocks the glass over.
  • This is a nice care you got here, ______.
  • She gets cranky riding in the trunk.
  • Get your mind out of the gutter.
  • Would it be easier if he was awake, or was knocking him out really necessary?
  • Of course it was necessary, I mean, duh. I didn't want him to have to feel THIS.
  • This begs the question-- who died first? The chicken? Or the egg?
  • And that question will keep you up all night until you just want to poke out your own eyes.
  • You just get to sit there and look pretty.
  • Is that, uh... is that my wife's dress?
  • It looks better on ______.
  • A perfect fit, Cinderella. Time to get you to your glamorous ball.
  • Watch out for crocs.
  • No one's coming to save you!
  • Are you going to stop acting like a child and take your bath?
  • I want to go the wedding. But I wasn't invited and you can't just crash a wedding. Weddings are planned meticulously there's always a cake to person ratio that you don't want to disrupt but with you out of the picture, that delicate cake ratio is still in balance.
  • This is about cake?!
  • How would you like to make a hund... twenty dollars?
  • Oh, a professional! Finally.
  • Great, fine let's give the degenerate with a death wish a gun! That's a great idea! Hey, since it's near Christmas time, can I please have a flame-thrower or something horrible?!
  • ________'s nervous too, if it makes you feel any better. I slept with him last night to calm him down.
  • Oh, that's fine, I poisoned your champagne.
  • You are such a creeper!
  • Yeah, you should try reading sometime, you might like it.
  • Just tell us what you want and nobody else has to get hurt.
  • What if what I want is for someone else to get hurt?
  • Not to be a party pooper but you REALLY aren't ready for a relationship.
  • You belong in a cell.
  • We belong together. In fact, there's a ceremony right upstairs waiting for us to walk down the aisle and seal the deal!
  • Go ahead and do it, if you think that will help.
  • Or am I the only thing you have left to hold on to?
  • Were you just trying to make me jealous? Hmm? Am I detecting a pattern emerging? A method to the madness?
  • You practically pulled that trigger yourself.
  • I understand, you had to make it look convincing.
  • You know what they say about payback, right? It's a bitch, Puddin'.
  • Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get drunk.
  • I don't say this about many people, but... _________ scares me.
  • I lost my position due to an aggravated assault charge, I am currently going through a divorce, I had to move after my address was posted online, and I'm STILL receiving hate mail.
  • Well after destroying the hospital where I was finishing up my residency, crashing a colleague's wedding, and murdering a close friend of mine, no, I'm not a fan of _________.
  • There's no denying it. This. Is. War.