wasting life away

don’t have anyone to tell me I have stars in my eyes, galaxies in my mind.

I don’t have anyone to tell me I am pretty when the sunlight kisses my skin, or how breathtaking I look talking about the things I love, or how I have the ability to envelope people with my love so completely.

I know all these things, I’ve known them since the beginning of time.

I know I am beautiful, and my personality is cheerful and explosive.

I know that I am smart and can rule the world someday.

I am a whole, complete entity, and I don’t need any boy to tell me any different.

I am done wasting my life away chasing behind boys who will never love me back, boys who will never care as much as me, I am tired of half assed romance and all those almost relationships.

I know, someday, I’ll meet someone who can coexist at the same wavelength as me, and even if I won’t ever meet him, I will be happy.

I am happy because although the sun doesn’t always kiss my cheeks like it does to the girl you are chasing, but I swear the wind dances with me when I am excited.

I am happy because my voice is like the sound of a nearby stream, gushing,steady, omnipresent and undeniably distinct, and although my voice isn’t pretty or husky, its steady, which is all that helps me to stop crying in front of other people.

I am happy because although I don’t have any fingers to lace mine through, and although I have no lips to kiss, my hands have created enough stories to last me eons and my lips have uttered the most bizarre, kind and truthful enigmas which I have learnt to be proud of.

I am happy because although I have no one to wake up next to at one am, I have the knowledge that I am awake, happy and so utterly alive to hear the thunder and catch a glimpse of the lightning outside my window.

I am happy that I can write pages and pages about an event that would possibly be deemed insignificant and fleeting by some, but somehow manages to be platinum for me.

I am happy that I am making something of myself. I am happy that ten years later, I will have a job and a degree to show for the past ten years, instead of stories of high school I keep bringing up.

I am happy because I have finally realised I am enough and so much more, I am overflowing, I am alive, I am breathing and I am more than enough, in fact I am so enough, that very few people are able to handle me, and for them I am forever and always grateful.

I am happy because I realised that I am complete, I am not a jigsaw missing the final piece, I am not searching for my other half, I am whole, whole, whole.

For all those girls who feel they aren’t enough, realise you are whole, you are not enough but more than enough.
You are wanted, you are valid, and you are absolutely breathtaking, and no boy, no matter how pretty his brown eyes are, can tell you any different.

Okay, let’s talk about coping. Like, the Paladins have been through hell and survived, but how do they cope? Keith wastes his life away pushing his body to its limits. Hunk creates things, not just food, but machines, and just anything to keep his mind off everything. Pidge learns, Pidge adapts, Pidge doesn’t allow themselves to be affected as much, but secretly, Pidge cries. Shiro, Shiro pushes himself- mentally. Not in the way Keith works til his breaking point, but the way he tries to bond with black until he can’t, the way he goes into the astral plane, just, pushing himself.

Lance however, jokes. Lance makes jokes about almost dying, Lance makes jokes about anything, Lance doesn’t stop to allow himself sadness, because right now- right when the whole team is falling apart- they’ll need a joke. He allows himself to become the joke of the team. He makes sure people laugh, that they breath. Lance makes sure Keith isn’t pushing himself, by challenging him, and allowing Keith to make fun of him, and laughing with him. Lance makes sure Hunk doesn’t neglect his emotions, by talking to him, by sitting and chatting, and making him smile. Lance makes sure Pidge isn’t over working themselves, by annoying them until they smirk, or reminding them their great, and making sure they can breath. Lance makes sure Shiro will be alright after each mental session, talks to him, tells him stories about earth, keeps him light hearted.

But Lance doesn’t cope. Him joking is to make sure everyone else copes. Cause the blue lion is selfless. And it’s paladin is even more so. Lance doesn’t cope and that’s okay with him. Until it’s not.

Okay are you guys ready for this I’m gonna do some in depth analysis of Gaston’s character and what I think about him, introducing my own headcanons, so this isn’t 10/10 the only reading of Gaston’s character of course. I want to believe in a Gaston redemption arc, so if you hate Gaston (and rightfully so!) you might not be super interested or agree with much of what I’m gonna say. (well, maybe this post you’ll agree with, it’s pretty much all Gaston bashing lol)

Midway through writing this I realized I have SO much more to say than I realized so I’m actually going to make three separate posts. 

  1. Gaston and how/why he’s a villain
  2. Gaston and Lefou’s Relationship
  3. Gaston and The Beast: Why Gaston should get a redemption arc

This one is:

Gaston and how/why he’s a villain

Originally posted by talesasoldastime29

Gaston headcanons include, he isn’t narcissistic as much as he is simply confident. He’s headstrong, in it for his own purposes and gains, and is sort of an anti-hero. By no means is he the “good guy” of anything. I just think he’s a really interesting and complex character, a lot of fun to analyse, watch, and write about!

Alright so I’m going to break this up into Pre-movie, movie (three parts in this one)

Pre-movie

So for this part, I’m going to be referencing Luke Evan’s comments on Gaston’s backstory! So Luke Evan’s said that Gaston is ex-army captain, and saved the village from some Portuguese mauraders, which is why everyone respects him so much, and Lefou fought alongside with him which explains his loyalty. 

Movie

So! Gaston is a pretty okay dude so far, right? Saved the town from some bad guys. I like to think there are three turning points in Gaston’s character, sort of like three 60 degree turns until he goes 180. 

  • 1. He sees Belle.

Originally posted by luuuuuke-evans

Gaston is obsessed with Belle for one reason: her beauty. To him, nothing else matters. Up until this point he was working in military standards, helping further society in that way, contributing to the town as he may, and he was as likable as anyone else in the town. He’s not a bad guy right now. (This is starkly contrast with the 1991 version where Gaston is just an awful dude all the way around and has zero redeemable qualities.) 

But suddenly, he sees a girl, and his goals change from contributing to society to taking her as his wife. 

  • 2. Belle refuses him

Originally posted by iamobsessedwiththings

Gaston has likely never encountered this, not being able to have what he wants. Everywhere he goes, he’s glorified, and now when he finally wants a girl to like him, she doesn’t? This is where he starts to go sour. 

You can see he wasn’t already a bad person because he doesn’t immediately get upset when she says no. He just goes, “Busy?” and then goes whoops oh well I’ll try again. This doesn’t exactly scream “villain” imo. 

The thing that does start to hint villain is when he approaches her again, and again, is turned down. This time he grabs her dress and tries to follow her into her home- this is creepy just gotta say. 

And after this, everything he does is centered around her and his obsession with taking her- this isn’t good guys, like this is creepy and bad and just not okay. You shouldn’t want a girl to the point where you want to own her. That’s what Gaston wants. That’s why he’s bad. 

  • 3. Maurice refuses him

And finally the serious turning point is Maurice refusing him. He tells Gaston he will never marry Belle, and this is important because in the time period, you couldn’t marry a girl without her father’s say-so. It’s not just a silly “oh well father doesn’t want it but i’ll do it anyway” nah son it just can’t be done

At this point, Gaston doesn’t know how to deal with rejection (having never been rejected to such an extent before) he relapses to the last thing he does remember dealing with: war. 

Now Gaston is pretty delusional at this point, they’ve been traveling through the forest probably for days, Maurice has been ranting about the castle and magic and all this stuff Gaston doesn’t give a shit about- he’s already short-tempered. And on top of it all, Maurice poses a threat to the one thing he wants: possession of Belle. And so, he seeks to eliminate the threat.

Even Lefou notices it at this point (and we’ll talk about that in the next post I make) and tries to talk Gaston out of it. This is when Gaston sets himself apart from everyone else. It’s the final point in his character arc where he’s full-out villain.

And the rest just goes downhill from there.

From there he betrays his dearest and oldest friend, turns the entire village against someone that isn’t a threat, and tries to commit murder and for what? A blind grasp for a woman that explicitly doesn’t want him. This is why he’s a villain, he doesn’t listen to what other people have to say, doesn’t value their opinions, has no sense of loyalty, and acts impulsively for his own wants and desires. 

But as I’ll talk about in a different post, I think he can learn to be better.

[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ]

Feb. 9, 2017

I can waste my life away if it meant I’d find the truth eventually. I can lose everything as long as I find myself. I can break these wings, but you’ll never stop my mind from taking flight. I’ve been up all night. I’ve been sorry all day. I’ve been a fool for you. I’m still searching for gold on the blue ocean floor. I’m an hour away from where we last knew– I still trip over old news– lately my emotions are just bad news. I’m your local paperboy with my paper heart making paper art with paper people in my paper town with my paper frown and my paper crown.

Evermore

Summary: Loosely inspired by the song “Evermore” from Beauty and the Beast. Bucky had it all planned out. He spent days planning the perfect proposal - the perfect proposal for the perfect girl, but things don’t always go according to plan. 

Word Count: 1,731

Warnings: Angst


Originally posted by trevanterhodes


Bucky fidgeted with the velvet jewelry box nervously, pausing every now and then to glance back at the door to his apartment. Any moment, Y/N would come walking through, her warm smile lighting up the apartment. Hers was the smile that somehow managed to steal into his melancholy heart, the smile that melted the layers of frost and gave way to spring, the one that nurtured the tiny, fragile seeds of love little by little until they blossomed.

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NewtXReader - Not a priority *angst* - Part 1

Request: I absolutely adore your writing! Could u do an imagine where Newt is too busy for reader? Thanks ❤️

Masterlist 

Part 2 - here

——————————————————————-

You had always encouraged Newt’s profession as a magizoologist. His love for his beasts made him compassionate and unique. You’d hoped that his love could be equally shared between you and the creatures, but as time ticked on his animals seemed to dominate his life, everything taking priority over you.

You longed to say something…you really did, but deep down you knew he was too sweet to intentionally hurt you. Newt wasn’t a worrier but the fear that he wasn’t going to get the book finished on time was consuming him, the thought looping around in his mind until there wasn’t room for anything else.

Not even you.

Slowly creaking the door to his study open, you observed his current state. Dark circles rimmed his eyes, his frame slumped over the messy surface of the desk. His hand moved at an uneasy speed as though he was trying to write a million thoughts all at the same time. The pressure preventing him from making structured sentences.

“Newt you need to take a break love. I was thinking we could go to that little cafe I’ve-”

“I’m busy, not now” Newt quickly cut you off, his eyes still completely focused on the page. He didn’t even bother to raise his head. Even though he had technically acknowledged you, your presence still felt invisible.

“Sure I suppose you can go back to ignoring me when you’ve free time” you quietly muttered, turning your back from him. Why did you love such a stubborn man?

“Please don’t Y/N…..”. Though his voice was eerily calm, you could see the silent frustration building behind his eyes. They were blurred with a hint of tears, but he still didn’t let all his emotions fall. The stress the ministry had been putting on him was killing him.

“Newt you need to stop…” your tone turned sympathetic. You hated seeing him like this.

“Why are you asking me to give up something that makes me happy?” Newt softly whispered, his voice slightly cracking. Looking into his eyes you saw the once vibrant colour replaced with a washed out green. Behind the masked front he put on, you could see the cracks.

“Newt - this isn’t happiness. This is killing you and me both. I can’t watch you like this any longer, wasting your life away on this novel”.

At this he set down his pen, running his hand through his messy auburn hair, “What - what more do you want from me? You know I’ve a set time to get this book finished. The creatures need me-”

“-no Newt I need you” you pleaded. You were past the point of sounding desperate anymore. You just wanted your Newt back.

“Oh Merlins sake Y/N!” Newt had fully stood up from the desk, “I don’t have time for this” he shouted, finally letting his temper loose.

You clenched your teeth, “what you mean is, you don’t have time for me Newt”

“Exactly” he spat out.

The word flew from his mouth before he could even think. Instantly from the look in your eyes, he knew he hit your mark. The both of you looked shocked and Newt’s face instantly turned into one of regret.

“I-I…” He stuttered, trying to form some type of apology. He knew he’d done something pretty awful when he had to work so hard to justify it.

In that moment, a flash of anger protected you from the pain, “You know what Newt?…..I hope you finish the book. I hope you write the best fucking book the world has ever seen and I especially hope it’s worth losing me for it”

“No please-e I d-didn’t mean to….” Newt began, tears forming in his eyes.

Before he could approach you, you pulled out your wand and Apparated outside. You didn’t have time for someone who didn’t have time for you. Finding yourself on an empty street, brick by brick your walls came tumbling down.

The beads of water started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping. Muffled sobs wracked against your chest as the world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste. The smell. Everything was gone.

And now so was Newt.

——————————————————————-

Please like and reblog if you enjoyed to get blog noticed! Feel free to send in more requests! Xx

I am sick and tired of people telling me
that I need to move on
from the boy I am in love with
because I am hurting over the fact
that he doesn’t love me back,
that he is just a friend,
that I am wasting away my life,
that I am not enjoying it to the fullest,
that I am not giving myself or someone else a chance,
but how do I explain
that yes it hurts to not be loved back,
yes it hurts to just be friends
with someone you are so madly in love with
but I am not wasting away my life,
I do whatever I am supposed to do,
I do whatever I want to do,
I am not always this depressed over him,
I do have friends,
I do have a life which is boring
but at the same time exciting and good
and that trying to be good enough for him
even when I am not and won’t be
has made me a better person
—  Isn’t love about trying to be your best self for someone even when you are the only one in love, even when the love is only one person’s, even when they don’t love you back // JustScribbledWords

seeing people knowing what they want, pursuing it and accomplishing stuff in their lives while you’re stuck in limbo for years now feeling completely hopeless and knowing very well you’re just wasting your life away

The Sleepy Scholar

Pairing: Lafayette x Reader

Words: 2.1k+

Prompt: College AU + Library AU

A/N: This is my AU day imagine for the @hamwriters Write-A-Thon! I’m excited to get this out because I had this finished for like 2 weeks or so now haha. Special thanks to @helplesslylins and @secretschuylersister for proofreading and pushing me to do this! I love you both immensely <3 Enjoy!

P.S. Y/F/I means your first initial!

Originally posted by jamiiton


This all started a week ago. You were doing your typical 11-3AM shift at the campus library. Many people would shy away from the graveyard shift but it was your favorite because it was quiet and no one was typically at the 24/7 library past 2 am so you would binge TV shows or read one of the many books that surrounded you. Plus, your classes were in the afternoon so it was most convenient for you. However this week, there was one lone student that would stay at the same table, nose in his book as he mumbled words until he fell asleep at the desk every night without fail. It was only the 3rd week of school and already some poor soul was in the library until ungodly hours. You couldn’t help but feel bad for the mysterious man with the bun, every time you went to clock out he was face down on the desk, using his arms as a makeshift pillow. By the eighth consecutive night of the stranger’s appearance, you couldn’t keep watching as he wasted his life away. So, that night when you clocked out you brought a water bottle, the PB&J sandwich you never opened, and a blanket you kept in the break room with you on your way out. You delicately placed the blanket over his sleeping form and set the sandwich and water bottle in front of him, along with a short message on a Post-it note.

“Take a break! -Y/F/I”

You took a closer glance at him, mystery man was actually really cute when he was asleep. Before he could catch you staring, you left the library; giving a quick wave to Claudia as she clocked in to take over the information desk. You were leaving Pre-Calculus the next morning when you got a text from Claudia.

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things i wish i could tell my parents

you tell me that i should have an idea of what i want to do with my life, then crush my dreams when i finally figure it out.

you tell me that i should love myself, then insult me with everything you have when i screw up.

you tell me that i should be happy with my body and then tell me that i’m only “not hungry” because i’m trying to lose weight.

you tell me to love the way i look but try and get me to wear makeup and change the way i look.

you tell me to be accepting and love everyone but shun me when i have friends that aren’t the same race, gender, or sexuality as me.

you tell me to use my words but then call me weird for expressing myself with words on paper instead of verbally.

you tell my to speak up but you never listen.

you tell me to be patient when you have no idea how to be patient with your own children.

you tell me you don’t have favorites but then force me to stop doing my homework to cook while my brother who is failing all his classes wastes his life away on video games.

you tell me to make sure my brothers do the right thing but then turn a blind eye when they’re not.

you tell me that making money matters more than being happy with what i want to do when you’re not only broke, but unhappy.

you tell me that i’m only human, that i’m not perfect, and that i need to calm my “ego”, when you make me feel worthless for being human and making mistakes.

you tell me to lose weight even though i’m the only one in the family within the “healthy” weight range.

you tell me to smile but all i see is a frown mirrored on your face.

you tell me that anger is not good for me when you get angry over the simplest things, causing me to be angry as well.

you tell me that depression will get me locked up in a mental hospital but you do nothing to help me.

you tell me that you love me but you show it in ways that are abnormal. in ways that make me feel like i don’t belong.


i see all of these posts about how you should “love your parents” and “treat them right”, but what about posts for people with toxic parents and family? i do love my parents, i do. and when i’m rich and successful i’m going to be the one taking care of them. 

please, if you feel like your parents REFUSE to understand you (not that they don’t understand you) talk to someone. your voice deserves to be heard. and if it won’t be by your parents, let it be by someone who wants, who demands to hear your glorious voice.

Speak (Jason Todd x Reader)

A/N: I really hope you like it!
Warnings: Angst, yelling, cursing
Request: Could you do some angst with Jason and a little sister? My only specification is that his nickname for her is Bluebird


You awoke to voices coming from the kitchen. You made out the voices of Bruce and your older brother. Your dead older brother.

It had been five years since you were eleven, five years since Jason died, and four years since the hallucinations had started. Four years since your slow descent had begun.

You saw him everywhere. For the past few days he’d been sitting by your bedside, making empty promises about how he’d never leave you again. Ironic, coming from a hallucination.

You hardly moved anymore. Hours of your life wasted away, staring at your ceiling, not caring what happened around you. Wayne Manor could be burning to the ground and you wouldn’t move a muscle. You ate scarcely. You slept too much or not enough. You were a husk.

So when you heard your older brother, screaming at Bruce downstairs, all you could do was sigh.

“It’s not a lost cause,” Bruce attempted to console Jason after the fifth time he’d tried to talk with you.

“It’s like there’s not even a person in there anymore. What happened to the kid I left behind?” Jason snapped, anger building in his chest.

“We’ll figure out a way to-”

“She’s not responding to me, Bruce. Fucking hell, she won’t even look me in the eye!” Jason slammed his hands down on the counter in frustration.

“She doesn’t think you’re real,” Bruce replied. “She’s been seeing—hallucinating—you for years.”

“And you didn’t think to help her? There’s medication for this!” Jason retorted and raised his voice, going from exasperated to livid.

“I wanted to reach out to her but-”

“But what?!” Jason screamed. “But you were too much of a coward?!”

“Jason-”

“You did this to my sister! You did this to your daughter!” Jason continued at the top of his lungs. Anger rose in his chest, and a lump started to form in his throat.

“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t spend every day regretting what I did to her? What I didn’t do to help her?” Bruce retaliated, still maintaining an even, yet harsh, tone.

“Regret? Is that all you have to offer? You took away a beautiful, happy, intelligent kid all because you were too fucking scared! It doesn’t help her, Bruce. Regret doesn’t help me, or her or anyone that you wanted to save but didn’t!” Jason was still yelling, the cracks in his voice beginning to betray him.

“This is still about you, isn’t it? How I never avenged your death. I’m sorry things turned out this way, but you need to stop-”

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Jason advanced on Bruce, grabbing the collar of his shirt. “Don’t you fucking dare, you stupid son of a bitch. Don’t think for a damn second that this is about my baggage. Don’t try to turn this bullshit on me,” his fist clenched around the fabric of Bruce’s shirt. Bruce’s calm only served to intensify his anger. “You did this. You took her life away.”

Jason let Bruce go with a harsh shove and turned to walk away just as tears started to fall.

“Where are you going?” Bruce questioned after him.

“To see my sister.”

Jason made his way up the stairs and to your room. The chair that he’d moved to your bedside four days ago was still in its place.

He sat and looked down at the shell of his baby sister. The shell of his Bluebird. He felt grief twisting in his gut at how frail you looked. You were far paler than was natural for you, you were skin and bones. Your eyes were open, unmoving, and fixated on the ceiling.

“Hey, Bluebird. It’s me again,” he started, his voice shaking.

There he was again. Your big brother, sitting at your bedside, talking to you. Why couldn’t he be real?

“I miss you,” you whispered, still staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m real, damnit!” Jason cried out, grabbing your hand in his and bringing it to your face.

Shivers snaked down your spine as you felt his breath flutter across the back of your hand. You felt the warmth of his palms and a pulse in his fingers. The hallucinations had touched you like this before but they’d never felt this… real.

You shifted your eyes slowly over to the person who sat at your beside. It was the first time you’d even spared one of these mirages so much as a glance for months.

That’s funny. It was definitely him, but older. Every time you’d ever looked before, he hadn’t aged a day.

Could it be? There was no way, right? That this was really Jason?

Jason’s eyes widened as your gaze met his.

“B-Blue? Please, it’s me. I’m back, see? I’m real and I’m here and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let this happen.” This time, Jason did not stop himself from breaking into tears, his chest heaving slowly.

His heart pulsed rapidly in his chest when your lips parted as if you were going to say something.

The tears in his eyes turned into sobs that racked his entire body as your eyes shifted back up to the ceiling, your hand dropping back to your side.

@batfamily-imagines

vent

I am sick and tired of people telling me
that I need to move on
from the boy I am in love with
because I am hurting over the fact
that he doesn’t love me back,
that he is just a friend,
that I am wasting away my life, 
that I am not enjoying it to the fullest,
that I am not giving myself or someone else a chance,
but how do I explain
that yes it hurts to not be loved back,
yes it hurts to just be friends
with someone you are so madly in love with
but I am not wasting away my life,
I do whatever I am supposed to do,
I do whatever I want to do,
I am not always this depressed over him,
I do have friends,
I do have a life which is boring
but at the same time exciting and good
and that trying to be good enough for him
even when I am not and won’t be
has made me a better person
—  Isn’t love about trying to be your best self for someone even when you are the only one in love, even when the love is only one person’s, even when they don’t love you back // JustScribbledWords