Frequent Flier: Things to Consider Before, During, and After Traveling with Your SD
Remember, I’m a bit controversial and I am far more concerned with your happiness and safety as an SB, best friend, than I am with blindly agreeing to the “wisdom” of the bowl. You are free to accept or reject everything I am about to say and we will still be the best of friends. Ready? Let’s start this by saying congratulations! Not only do you have an SD you have one that doesn’t make empty promises and has not only said he wants to travel but has started talking about dates and destinations. Congrats, sis! But we have some things to consider before you go jet setting and making us jealous of the fabulous places you’ll go. It’s not a short list but I think we can make it through together.
Decide how much of your personal information is personal.
There are SB’s that don’t tell their SD a single true thing about them. There are others that work for their SD and have given him all of the information he would need to be their legal employer. There are others that have given him only a first and last name. Maybe a birthday. How much you have decided to share with him is absolutely your business and your decision. If you trust him, or the legal system, enough to share that type of information, I’m not here to judge you. But if you haven’t made the decision yet and the man may or may not be buying plane tickets soon now is the time to decide. If he’s great for money but not so much at inspiring your confidence and trust, maybe keep your name to yourself. If you all have built a genuine connection over a long period of time and you wouldn’t hesitate to tell him anything, go for it. If you have so much of his personal information (up to and including his credit card information) that his knowing your legal name wouldn’t stop you from crushing him if he crossed you then baby go right ahead and tell him. However, if you don’t want him anywhere near the name your mama and the government use for you…
Decide if you’re getting a DBA or going to have a chat with him about transferring you the money
Transferring it is the easiest. Or he can hand you a credit card and walk away while you fire up your laptop and buy the tickets yourself just sending his along when you’re done. If he’s nervous about transferring the money, have him buy you an airline gift card for the amount of the flight. If he fusses and whines about doing anything that doesn’t involve him holding your state issued ID in his hands despite the fact that you’ve told him you’re uncomfortable…well…I don’t have to tell you to leave him do I?
Decide if you’ll share a room
There’s no right or wrong answer to this. Shocking I know. Especially since the general consensus in the bowl is that you should always have your own room. But different strokes for different folks. If you still have concerns for your safety around this man and that’s why you want a different room might I suggest not traveling with him just yet? If you want a different room because you want it and he can afford it then rock the fuck on sis and get your separate room. Just tell him that you want each of you to enjoy the trip and part of enjoying it is making sure you each have your space to decompress. It doesn’t mean you won’t be in his room until three am eating gummy worms and watching re-runs of Martin. It just means that if you need to be alone, you can be. Speaking of being alone…
Decide how much (if any) time you’ll need away from him and what you’ll do during that time
If you are an introvert like me, you need time away from everyone. The idea of spending all of your time around people, no matter how much you love them, makes you want to dive under your bed never to reappear. Don’t pretend like that isn’t who you are! Don’t think that it’ll be okay just this once. It won’t. You’ll be miserable. Your misery will make him miserable. You will both have a horrible vacation that may ruin the relationship you’re trying to build with him and his wallet. Be honest with yourself. I spent two hours away from my gift daddy when we went on vacation. It happened in the morning. I worked out and I called my mother. He knew it ahead of time. He didn’t resent the time I spent away from him. In fact, he asked me every day over breakfast how that time had gone. He even asked if I needed more time. That’s why I beg you, if you need time apart know how you’re going to spend that time. Do it for him, sure. He’s less likely to gripe about it if he knows before you even leave that that’s what you’ll be doing. But mainly do it for you. Because it’s nice to have something to look forward to. Because wasting your time doing nothing in particular and then realizing that it’s time to go be with him is annoying. Because plans are cool and we should all make more of them.
Decide on your money
Are you getting paid to go on this trip? No right or wrong answer to this either. I didn’t get paid to travel per se. But I did spend several thousand dollars buying furniture immediately after and because of this trip. I did get an iPhone. I did spend far more money that I thought he would let me on clothes and art for my home. So while I didn’t get that envelope full of cash I did feel compensated for my time. If you are getting paid it is up to you to decide how much you want. If you’re taking off work, but don’t have vacation time, do you want enough to cover the money you won’t make? If you’re taking off, but do have vacation time, do you want enough to cover what you would have made if you stayed? Do you just want a stupid crazy shopping spree before during and after the trip? I do not care what you decide you want or how much. I just want you to decide and then open up your mouth and ask. If he asks why you need the amount you need or puts up any other kind of fight…
Decide how you’ll handle his objections
Do this in advance too. It is perhaps one of the most important things you can do. Don’t wait until he asks to have an answer. Have it plotted out now so you can speak with confidence. What will be your answer if he asks why you need money? If perhaps missing money means you shouldn’t travel? If he asks why you need separate rooms or why you should spend time apart? If you can’t give him your legal name? I’m willing to help you answer these questions but only if you come to me with some answers of your own. I want to help. I don’t want to do your work for you. Sorry, girl. Still love you though.
Decide that at any time you can walk away from this trip and him
Do not become so excited about traveling that you put yourself in danger or do things that don’t feel good to you or accept behavior from him that pushes you outside your comfort zone. Fuck him. You are in charge of your life and Vegas isnt’ going anywhere. If he can’t respect you enough to take you on your terms then someone else will. Chill out. Walk away.
Decide who your safety buddy is
Decide who you will check in with to make sure everything is okay. Decide when you will check in with them. Decide how often. Decide on what the plan is if you don’t check in. And make sure they have all of your flight and accommodation information. If you both have iPhones turn on your location. If not get the be safe app. Or WhatsApp which also allows you to share your location with others. My buddy was my mom cause she’s the coolest person ever and one of my best friends but if that isn’t the case with you find a friend or even someone on tumblr to check in with. If you have WhatsApp, I’ll be that person if you need someone else.
Decide when and where you’re going shopping and buy more than just clothes
Sure you want to buy all of the clothes. And you should. But there’s also a few other things to consider. Like condoms. Mainly condoms. Don’t be the girl that has to hear that he forgot to pack them or forgot to buy them when you guys got off the plane and can’t you just not use them this one time? Nope. Have your own. Have some lube and some toys too if you really wanna blow his mind. Actually definitely have lube and toys to go along with those condoms (make sure the condoms can handle the lube you’re buying. Bonus points if you buy condoms at a sex shop. They can just answer your questions for you if you have any.). Be prepared for everything. Don’t leave anything in his hands. Your safety is your first priority not his.
Remember you’re working
This man invited you on this trip because you are an accessory, a new toy, a shiny thing. You are there to enhance his experience. And I’m sure he didn’t tell you that. Men never do just tell the whole truth no matter how it makes us feel unless they’re a particular breed of asshole. But that’s why I’m here to tell it to you. This trip ain’t about you. You are there for him. You are there to make his day better. You are there for his entertainment and amusement. Want to complain that you’re bored, or not having fun, or want to go home and it isn’t because you are having some type of bodily issue that needs to be addressed immediately? Text a friend. When he’s there, you’re on. Be yourself of course. Please don’t try to pretend to be someone else. It’s exhausting. But don’t ever forget that you’re at work. He’s on vacation.
Remember you’re human and take care of yourself
I didn’t stop putting my hair in a satin cap because I was on vacation. I didn’t decide to completely fuck up my skin by sleeping in my make up. I didn’t stop taking Lush baths. I didn’t stop working out. I didn’t stop reading. Don’t stop doing the things you need to do to feel happy and at peace with yourself. Please. You’re doing he and yourself a disservice if you do. If you’ve talked to him enough about who you are, he knows some of your little habits and quirks. He won’t be shocked. And if he is oh well. But in most cases, men love feeling like they’re getting the “real us”. He’ll love that you look the way you do when he isn’t around because as sexy as the Siren is sometimes we like knowing there’s something behind her. Bonus points if you only let him see that side of you when you travel somewhere. He’ll begin to associate exotic locales with the “real” you. Wouldn’t that be fun?
Remember to talk/text your safety buddy
Because what’s the point of having them if you don’t use them. Remember to keep your return ticket on you at all times Do we hope them man you’ve traveled with isn’t a monster? Yes. Should we make sure that if you need to get the fuck out of dodge the airline ticket that you need isn’t stuck in a hotel room that you can’t get access to because it isn’t in your name? At all times girl. Have that ticket and enough money to transfer a flight or stay in a hotel or do both. Take care of you.
Remember to have him take a million pictures of you
Okay, if you’re going to use the internet to find your SD (at least use Tinder or some other vanilla app) having pictures of you in fun places doing fun things are excellent for advertising and you don’t have to pay a dime for them. Get your picture taken in those clothes you made him buy! Remember to spend time in places that align with your goals I made my gift daddy take me to museums and stare at art with me while I prattled away about why it mattered and how it gave me ideas for my own business. I dragged him through art fairs. Before we left he took me to a book store and asked if there were books he could get me that would be helpful.
Remember you’re at work and part of that work is bringing him into your world.
Even on vacation, you’re a bitch with goals. Don’t let him forget it. Remember to have fun It’s work. But it’s work you chose with a man you, hopefully, don’t hate completely. When there’s a moment for you to have fun, have it! Have all of it! Have so much that you know you’ll never forget it. We get to live the type of life that girls dream about it. We should live it up, appreciate it, when we can especially since we worked so hard to get here.
There’s only one thing I need to say here but it is important. If you can travel with a man for one day or one hundred and he has a great time, he will feel differently about you. He will feel connected and bonded to you. He will feel like he shares an emotional tie with you that he can’t share with anyone else. And what do we know? We know that people like to give their money to people they trust, people they like, people they feel they have a connection with. When you come home, if y’all had a great time, don’t let him forget you had a great time. When he wants to talk about the trip you had, the crazy amazing things you did with those sex toys and lube, the places you took him, talk it up! It was the best time of your life too girl and made you feel so connected. Then bring up those goals you wanted or that gift you were interested in (with some tact please) but if y’all had as good a time as you say you did he’ll bring it up on his own. My GD offered to buy me furniture for my place and we were barely off the plane.
What do you think, sis? Any of this make sense? Any of it make you want to pop me because it’s so outlandish? Message me or tell me in the comments. And if you have any questions I can answer for you privately or on anon send them over. I’m clearing out my inbox over the weekend. Love your black ass, girl. Happy sugaring