So this song makes me want to cry no matter what context. So here is some Reddie for you (song lyrics bolded and italicized)
We’ll do it all. Everything. On our own It was Richie’s last night at Derry. It was the end of junior year. It would be hard to go to a new school as a 17-year-old senior. It would be even harder to leave Eddie.
We don’t need anything. Or anyone Richie didn’t need anything he didn’t have, and he definitely didn’t want many things, but he needed Eddie, and he wanted Eddie.
If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world? “It’s my last night here,” Richie addressed the Elephant in his small, now empty room.
“I know,” Eddie swallowed a lump in his throat forcing his feelings down.
“Let’s go to the quarry and look at the stars,” Richie suggested. He wanted his last night to matter. To be memorable.
“Such a romantic,” Eddie replied sarcastically, but went and retrieved his shoes.
I don’t quite know how to say, How I feel Richie laid down beside Eddie. His heart fluttering, his stomach uneasy. They had many nights like these, but they were always playful, but tonight felt like he was drowning. He didn’t want to leave. He loved this, he loved Derry, and he loved him.
Those three words are said too much, They’re not enough Yeah… he loved him. It wasn’t a secret he denied anymore. But “I love you” wasn’t enough to describe his emotions. His emotions were indescribable.
Forget what we’re told before we get too old Eddie was told being gay is wrong. It would send him to hell. But he was gay and he suspected he was already going to hell, so why not go in a handbasket and flipping the bird. Now was the best time to confess to Richie. If Richie didn’t share the same feelings, then Eddie wouldn’t have to see him again and live in Derry heartbroken.
“I love you,” Eddie managed to get out past his dry throat and tongue that felt too fat for his mouth.
“Why do you say that?” Richie asked simply, looking at Eddie, his tone careful.
“You’re leaving me! And I don’t care anymore! okay! I love you and I don’t want you to leave me!” Eddie started feeling upset.
“Damn… I love you too Eds.”
“No, I love you like, more than a friend. Okay? I have a crush on you!” Eddie wondered how dense Richie’s head actually was. Wondered how many cigs it took to cloud his view on obviousness.
“I know… I love you too Eds,” Richie whispered.
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life Eddie felt his heart burn like fire with emotions. Happy emotions, sad emotions, angry emotions. It was easy to be angry. It was self-defense to keep him from crying. Richie hugged Eddie to calm him down. He had a gut-wrenching feeling it may be the last time he ever held his childhood friend and crush.
Let’s waste time, chasing cars, around our heads It was early morning, Eddie and Richie talked things out. They cried and they laughed the mood lightening. It was only mere hours before Richie would be in the back seat of a car, leaving Derry behind with all his childhood memories
I need your grace to remind me to find my own “You kept me from falling off the deep end,” Richie sat up, looking at the first hints of light hitting the water below. Giving off a beautiful glow. The reflection of the water reflecting off the rock cliffs.
“How?” Eddie asked.
“I couldn’t have made it without you Eds. Without any of the losers. But you… you were always there. Your optimism is what kept me going.” Richie smiled to himself.
All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes “I couldn’t be this strong without you. You showed me I could be strong.” Eddie confessed himself.
“Well you were strong,” Richie replied, shrugging.
“I wouldn’t be the person that I am without you.” Eddie inched closer to Richie, their legs touching now.
“Well I am perfect.” Richie laughed, flipping his hair back dramatically.
They’re all I can see, I don’t know where, confused about how as well They became serious, looking at each other, at their eyes, their lips, their chest breathing deeply. They talked for hours, telling each other how much they appreciated and loved each other, clear about their feelings, yet they were still confused.
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
“You moving, that’s not going to change our friendship, will it?” Eddie asked, scared of the response.
“I hope not. I don’t want to leave you,”
“Think we’ll see each other?”
Richie’s heart swelled, he didn’t know. “I don’t know eds… hopefully one day.”
If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Eddie took the leap of faith first. He leaned in, pressing his lips lightly to Richie’s. It was what he dreamed of many times. He just imagined it in different situations. He felt Richie’s hand travel to the back of his neck and pull him in closer. Eddie held his hands onto Richie’s face to calm himself. This is what he wanted.
“You have to leave soon.” Eddie pulled back first. It was easier for him to disconnect first.
“Fuck it. Let’s forget the world for another hour.”
Richie kissed him again.
They laid there, for hours, holding hands. Richie had one hand under Eddie, holding him tightly to him. In his other hand, he held Eddie’s hand in his, stroking his thumb with his, resting their hands on his stomach.
“I have to go” Richie sat up, tears threatening to spill, yet he gave a grin, “See you later Eddie spaghetti,” he smiled pretending like hed see him in a couple hours instead of potentially the last time.
___ Like it? Send in a song and I can write something revolving around the lyrics! I’d be happy to do so
‘ nothing goes as planned. ’ ‘ everything will break. ’ ‘ people say goodbye in their own special way. ’ ‘ you’re in my veins. ’ ‘ you’re in my veins and i cannot get you out. ’ ‘ you’re all i taste at night inside of my mouth. ’ ‘ you run away cause i am not what you found. ’ ‘ everything will change. nothing stays the same. ’ ‘ everything will change. ’ ‘ nothing stays the same. ’ ‘ nobody here’s perfect, but everyone’s to blame. ’ ‘ we need to talk. ’ ‘ sit down. it’s just a talk. ’ ‘ where did i go wrong? ’ ‘ i lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness. ’ ‘ i would have stayed up with you all night. ’ ‘ i would have stayed up with you all night had i known how to save a life. ’ ‘ after all, you do know best. ’ ‘ lay down a list of what is wrong, the thing you’ve told him all along. ’ ‘ pray to god he hears you. ’ ‘ all of these lines across my face tell you the story of who i am. ’ ‘ these stories don’t mean anything when you’ve got no one to tell them to. ’ ‘ it’s true… i was made for you. ’ ‘ i crossed all the lines and i broke all the rules, but baby i broke them all for you. ’ ‘ even when i was flat broke, you made me feel like a million bucks. ’ ‘ all of my friends who think that i’m blessed, they don’t know my head is a mess. ’ ‘ they don’t know who i really am and they don’t know what i’ve been through like you do. ’ ‘ god knows you just made my day. ’ ‘ since you came around, i just can’t slow down. ’ ‘ you got me thinking about diamonds and getting down on one knee, maybe two. ’ ‘ i don’t even care, just as long as i’m with you. ’ ‘ you got me acting real crazy, chasing tail like some old dog. ’ ‘ i got this rocket in my front left pocket ready to explode like a bomb. ’ ‘ something tells me your name is lucy cause everything keeps shaking around. ’ ‘ we can cop a room, make these walls go boom. ’ ‘ we can do this right here and now. ’ ‘ can you help me unravel my latest mistake? ’ ‘ i don’t love him. ’ ‘ winter just wasn’t my season. ’ ‘ hypocrites, you’re all here for the very same reason. ’ ‘ you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable. ’ ‘ life’s like an hourglass glued to the table. ’ ‘ breathe. just breathe. ’ ‘ ain’t been sober since maybe october of last year. ’ ‘ my god, it’s so beautiful when the boy smiles. ’ ‘ there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. ’ ‘ you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out. ’ ‘ these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again. ’ ‘ we’ll do it all. everything on our own. ’ ‘ we don’t need anything or anyone. ’ ‘ if i just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? ’ ‘ i don’t quite know how to say how i feel. ’ ‘ those three words are said too much – they’re not enough. ’ ‘ lets waste time chasing cars around our heads. ’ ‘ i need your grace to remind me to find my own. ’ ‘ all that i am – all that i ever was – is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all i can see. ’ ‘ just know that these things will never change for us at all. ’ ‘ never tie me down. ’ ‘ off i go. where i fall is where i land. ’ ‘ you call me your boy, but i’m trying to be the man. ’ ‘ guess we both know we’re in over our heads. ’ ‘ it all might be okay or we might be dead. ’ ‘ maybe it’s all gone black, but you’re all i see. ’ ‘ i know i love you. ’ ‘ please don’t let this turn into something it’s not. ’ ‘ i can only give you everything i’ve got. ’ ‘ i can’t be as sorry as you think i should. ’ ‘ i still love you more than anyone else could. ’ ‘ all that i keep thinking throughout this whole fight is it could take my whole damn life to make this right. ’ ‘ you taught me how to look past everything i had ever learned. ’ ‘ we have got through so much worse than this before. what’s so different this time that you can’t ignore? ’ ‘ please save me from this darkness. ’ ‘ i want you to know that i can’t let you go. ’ ‘ all i know is i’m breathing now. ’ ‘ i want to believe in more than you and me. ’ ‘ all we can do is keep breathing. ’ ‘ maybe i love you. ’ ‘ maybe i love you, maybe i just love the sound. ’ ‘ if you disappear you’ll still hear when my heart hits the ground. ’ ‘ for all we have, what’s holding us back? ’ ‘ we’ll never know what it’s like to be free. ’ ‘ i know you wanted to be loved. ’ ‘ it feels like the end. ’ ‘ where does time go from here? ’ ‘ settle down with me. ’ ‘ lie down with me and hold me in your arms. ’ ‘ i’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet. ’ ‘ i’m in love now. ’ ‘ kiss me like you wanna be loved. ’ ‘ this feels like falling in love, we’re falling in love. ’ ‘ settle down with me and i’ll be your safety. ’ ‘ i was made to keep your body warm. ’ ‘ i’ve been feeling everything from hate to love, from love to lust, from lust to truth. ’ ‘ i did what i did, for you i did what i could. ’ ‘ my life will grow, my love will go. ’ ‘ my life will go, my love will grow. ’ ‘ all i want is nothing more to hear you knocking at my door. ’ ‘ if i could see your face once more, i could die a happy man, i’m sure. ’ ‘ when you said your last goodbye, i died a little bit inside. ’ ‘ i lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side. ’ ‘ if you loved me, why’d you leave me? ’ ‘ all i want is and all i need is to find somebody. ’ ‘ i’ll find somebody like you. ’ ‘ you brought out the best in me, a side of me i’ve never seen. ’ ‘ you took my soul and wiped it clean. ’ ‘ our love was made for movie screens. ’ ‘ look me in the eye and tell me you don’t find me attractive. ’ ‘ look me in the eye and tell me you won’t go. ’ ‘ look me in the eye and promise no love’s like our love. ’ ‘ look me in the heart and unbreak broken. ’ ‘ it’s love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be real. ’ ‘ where do you go when you’re in love and the world knows? ’ ‘ how do you live so happily while i’m sad and broken down? ’ ‘ none of us are saints. ’ ‘ you were supposed to be different. ’ ‘ you were my one exception and i was just a fool. ’ ‘ i didn’t ask you to be perfect. ’ ‘ was i unrealistic to ask you for your honesty? ’
@trashstiles This author knows Stydia… She writes dialogue between them SO on point I can’t believe how #accurate it is. And her fics are really fun (except for the occasional super angsty one that you’re not prepared for so it guts you). stealing office supplies never felt so good (smut) and blessed be thy face (a fic that made me reconsider how I felt about dylan’s beard) .
@redstringbanshee writes such good multichaps… like I can’t… I’m addicted to them. Specifically She’s Something (you wouldn’t think the arranged marriage trope would work with Stydia but maggie’s such a genius that it does) and Skinwalker (which is SO ANGSTY it’s great I can’t get enough). Both of these are incomplete stories though fyi.
FIRST AND FUCKING FOREMOST you MUST go read she thinks she could get used to it honestly you can thank me later!!! it’s one of my all time fics, ever. also by the same author: Lasciviousness (Lydia lusts over Stiles while they’re studying and it’s GREAT)
Rainstorms is such a gorgeous and poetically written established relationship fic. It could have been a very run-of-the-mill fic but the writer’s style makes it so damn beautiful???!! It’s literally art. Please read it.
lets waste time chasing cars (if you hated the Sheriff/Mrs. Martin date thing in 5A you have to read this, actually you have to read this either way okay it’s fucking amazing)
We’re All Shook Up (stydia best friends who decide that adding benefits is a good idea) (it’s not, really, but reading this fic is)
Hey love, can you do doctor au fic rec please? Thank you ❤
- Fire For A Heart
:The Grey’s anatomy/Chicago Fire AU no one asked for where Louis
is the captain of the firefighting Squad 78, Harry is a surgeon, Zayn
is Louis’ second in command and Liam is the rookie. Niall and Sam are
Harry’s fellow residents and have their own affair going on. (43k)
For Better and For Worse
:Harry and Louis have been together for 5 years and they’ve been getting
questions when they would be getting married and start a family. Bur
harry doesnt have the time. They were arguing one morning when Harry had
enough and left for work. He’s a doctor and works at the a&e there
is a call that there has been a bad car crash and that there is more
than one patient coming in. Harry does his job good and works on the
first patient and everything goes great until his next patient is Louis
A Long Way From the Playground
:Louis is a single dad who is having a lonely life crisis and
Harry is a doctor that carries around princess band-aids in his pocket.Scraped knees make grown men bond, apparently. (10k)
A Good Impression :“Do you know what’s expecting you?” Dr. Styles asked Louis, sitting down in the chair beside him. “I googled stuff,” Louis explained “but I never had an exam before, if that’s what you want to know.”Dr. Styles nodded.“I also never tried it on my own,” Louis hurriedly added, his cheeks starting to go pink again. Dr.
Styles laughed quietly, looking kind of smug when saying: “Oh, don’t
worry, you’ll be fine either way. So if I could ask you to take your
trousers off now…?”OR Louis has to take a prostate exam, which in the very end doesn’t turn out half as bad as it had seemed (5k)
Louis was fucked was the thing. And if he wasn’t currently in the
situation he was in, he’d laugh at the irony of that statement.
Louis gets into a bit of a predicament and has to go to the hospital.
Harry is the doctor in charge of his care. Based on the prompt I saw on
tumblr about Louis getting a sex toy stuck inside of him, and Harry
being the doctor who has to remove it. (4k)
Shot of Pure Gold
:The arrival of spring makes Louis feel like Dr. Frankenstein -
“it’s alive” coming first as a whisper, then a near hysterical shout.
Except instead of one rather useless monster, it’s hundreds of
(admittedly, not so) useless monsters as London’s plant life awakens
from a winter of dormancy and attacks him with pollen. Or, Louis has hay fever and Harry is an immunologist. (6.5k)
I Can Love You Much Better (You Know Some Day I’m Gonna Make You Mine): The young man starts to extend his hand to Louis, mouth open to say something, but Louis beats him to the punch.“Hey, do you know when the doctor’s going to be in?”The
man smiles, trying to hide it behind his clipboard. In Louis’
experience, when a health professional smiles, it’s hardly genuine and
barely meeting their eyes, but this man’s smile definitely reaches his
eyes. It’s actually really endearing, and so very cute. Cute nurses, who
would’ve guessed?“I’m sorry to disappoint you if you were
expecting someone a bit older,” the young man finally says, still
smiling so endearingly. Which, no. Louis is not supposed to be endeared
by a baby doctor. Baby doctors should be like, paediatricians and
treating actual babies, not treating adults.Although now, Louis is definitely entertaining the mental image of playing Sexy Doctor with this baby doctor, and he doesn’t even know the man’s name.Louis
is a nursery school teacher who meets a cute doctor before school
starts and winds up with said cute doctor’s little girl in his class.
He’s pretty sure that he’s screwed. (4k)
Best fake smile
: Louis works in the biggest hospital in London, and dedicates
his whole life to his job. But a curly haired intern starts working in
his unit, changing everything. Add a little dash of Niall meddling into
his best friend’s life, lies, margaritas and an ex-husband to the mix. (22k)
Update under the cut (last update on April 11th 2017)
Under the read more are a list of quotes, lyrics, and one-liners that can be used for titles or tags for plots, otp/ships, or verses. Just a warning: there is some profanity. I hope you find this helpful!
STYDIA FIC RECS for those of you who are new to the fandom (like me) or maybe you just like to read Stydia fics even if you don’t watch the show because fun fact: I shipped Stydia way hard before I ever watched TW. And that included reading all the fics.
All of these are freaking amazing and I happen to be pretty picky so hopefully you like them too.
The bolded ones are the ones that I have decided if you read anything off this list, it should be these ones.
He reaches out a hand in a fruitless attempt to reach it, urging it to come to him or maybe for webs to come out of his wrists like the Spiderman trilogy (go web go!), but what he doesn’t actually expect is his phone to move a few inches towards him so it rests precariously on the edge of his desk. | Stiles develops magic powers after the events of the Alpha Pack and his development in the months that follow.
Once in a while he will pass Lydia in the hallway and she would smile at him the way she once did when she had stood in his bedroom and realised that he really was the worst person to buy things for a girl.
Note: Not romantically driven and honestly we don’t see Lydia too much but Stydia is definitely in there and the story itself is awesome.
AU from 4X01. 48 hours. 48 hours is the timeline when someone is taken. After 48 hours, the percentage of finding them alive is greatly decreased. It’s been over a year. (The rescue in Mexico doesn’t go quite as the McCall pack had hoped).
“Lydia’s been aware of it. She knew it was coming for her- slowly but surely. She’s rarely caught by surprise, and falling in love with the boy with motivational speeches, that would descend into the depths of this world for her, was no exception. So when it finally sinks in, her heart in her throat, it’s nothing she can’t handle.”
Or the one where Lydia get’s a little clumsy over Stiles’ existence.
The bastard actually cocks an eyebrow when her eyes meet his. His smirk grows while her scowl becomes more prominent. The tequila’s still flowing through her, she’s still tapping her foot against the concrete only now it’s to ward off numbness, and Lydia’s making a list in her head of the advantages of walking home.
The number one advantage? Not being anywhere near Stiles Stilinski.
Since her best friend’s death, Lydia has been on a downward spiral. But Scott and Stiles are so caught up with their own healing that they haven’t noticed her continuous disintegration. That is, they didn’t notice until Lydia’s mother pulled her out of school and sent her to Eichen House to be treated for paranoid schizophrenia.
His fingers are long—the type of fingers that a girl notices; the type of fingers that makes a girl wonder what kind of patterns they could sear into her skin. She averts her eyes and realizes that Stiles is looking at her (or rather her in his sweater) again.
When Lydia found dead bodies, her first instinct would always be to call Stiles. And then Stiles, and his feelings, would arrive in ten minutes flat and they would figure things out together. It was a comforting pattern, warm and dependable, like a sweater that fits just right no matter how many winters you wear it. The more worn in it is, the more comfortable the sweater, and Lydia feels the same way about Stiles.
“Stiles, you can’t live with Lydia and not be thinking about the fact that she was the first girl you fell in love with. You’re gonna start feeling stuff again, and then pretending that you’re living together because you’re a couple, and one day she’s going to bring a guy home and you’re gonna be jealous and try to kiss her to prove your love and then, that’s it. You’re alone and homeless.”
Stiles considers this. Then he shrugs. “Nah,” he says, waving a hand dismissively. “I think it’s gonna be fine.”
Lydia has a plan: attend college, study the biological makeup of werewolves, win prizes, and wear amazing shoes. She does not expect to make friends with Stiles. Or flirt with Stiles. Or accidentally start a pack war with Stiles. Whatever. The point is, Lydia has a plan.
“The way I see it,” she says, “You have two options right now. You can kiss me goodbye. Let me get into my car and drive away from you, and maybe you can send me a friendly text every once and a while. Or you can kiss me hello, and we can get into your car and drive to your apartment together and have one night before I go back to Boston. And it’s completely up to you.”
For a second, Lydia thinks that this is the moment that their friendship finally snuffs it. She thinks that this moment, in a dimly lit ballroom with Sexy And I Know It playing in the background, might be the last one where she can pretend that things could’ve been okay with Stiles Stilinski at some point. And she thinks that maybe a wedding, with an open bar and a plethora of other, newer people to pay attention to, is probably the best place for this inevitability to occur.
But then, he smiles.
“You grew up, huh?” he says, eyes twinkling as he leans conspiratorially towards her. “Okay, then. Wanna grow down?”
A gift from me to you Stydia lovers who will be agonizing until 5b.
a/n: look I know I have a lot of things for luke already but I’m also working on something with ashton so just hold on anyways this is kind of short it was inspired by this video (my email isn’t working and I went through so much damn trouble to get that link from my phone to the laptop be grateful) and I hope you enjoy it !!
“Luke, get out of the street!”
He looked back at you and winked as he took one step further onto the road.
“Come on, I’m serious!” you yelled, stifling a laugh.
“If you’re so serious, why are you laughing?”
“Shut up, come on, we’re almost to the train station.”
“Loosen up! No one’s even driving at this time of night.”
You could hear him humming a song, although you couldn’t tell what it was. But when wasn’t he humming honestly, whether it was a song he was working on in the studio, or an inkling of a new one, or just a song he heard on the radio.
Luke didn’t say anything, just kept humming as he strolled back to you with a sly smile on his face. He took your hand and started pulling you into the street as well.
“Luke…” you said, almost a whine.
As he started humming louder, you almost recognized the song.
“If I lay here…”
You let out a light laugh.
“If i just lay here…”
Luke was always a cheesy romantic; always acting as though he was in a movie.
“Would you lie with me and just forget the world…”
He pulled you into him and put his arms around your waist as he continues to hum. The two of you sway back and forth, your head on his chest and his chin on your head, completely at peace. You could feel the vibrations of Luke’s voice in his chest. You closed your eyes, focusing on the sound of his voice and the feeling of his arms around your waist.
“Forget what we’re told…”
You became completely lost in him. He had relaxed into you as you had into him. The rhythm of his sways almost lulled you asleep, while the smell of his cologne that he’d used since high school kept you awake.
“Before we get too old…”
As his voice got softer, you could feel his eyes on you. You lifted your head off of his chest, already missing the sound of his beating heart. You found yourself to be right, as you looked into his eyes that seemed to shine despite it being completely dark out.
“Show me a garden that’s bursting into life…”
It must’ve looked odd, just two people dancing in the street to music too soft to be heard, almost invisible if it hadn’t been for the glow of the street lights around you. But you couldn’t care less. It was as if only the two of you existed. Only you, and Luke, and his arms around you, and his feet moving the both of you, and his heart beating in your ear.
who dies first and becomes the other’s guardian angel // minghao for reasons c:
who falls accidentally in love first // soonyoung. “I mean - did you see how adorable he was? I mean like yeah we know he stutters a lit but like this one time I was just helping him out and gosh he gave me this most brilliant smile and I never felt so attacked.”
who would carry the other over fire and water // soonyoung
who convinces the other to waste time chasing cars // minghao!
who convinces the other to go back and revisit their first home // both??? but usually minghao would take the initiative
who apologizes first after a fight // soonyoung. he’s a loser for minghao
who asks the other to save the last dance for them // minghao
who should have worshipped the other sooner // soonyoung!!!!!!
who promises to fly the other to the moon // soonyoung. he’s cheesy as that
who kisses the dimples in the other’s back, at the bottom of their spine // soonyoung akshdjasdhkahk
hi! i was just wondering, what are your favorite stydia fanfics?
hi there! Oh, I already made a Styfia fic rec list two months ago and you can find it here. HOWEVER, I’ve read and re-read some really GREAT fics recently so I’ll link you to them. Under the cut cos, again, it’s relatively long.
No.21 was never really aware of when she was singing. It was always an absentminded thing while she was cleaning or training on her own. And any time someone brought it up to her, she’d turn red in the face and deny it furiously. But her she was, doing it again. Singing while cleaning. It was probably some song she’d heard via her student.
“Let’s waste time
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see
I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”
Feet pressed into the soft canopy of his cot’s flimsy wall, warm, stale beer in hand, John breathed deeply, chest tight like a sturdy rope was pulling him up from the core. His eyes were closed, since the view wasn’t particularly interesting when he opened them. It was just a stained cot ceiling, a sling of netting across the point holding a few of his personal items.
We’ll do it all, everything, on our own, we don’t need anything or anyone.
It wasn’t the sight above that was interesting, however. It was what was next to him. That was worth opening his eyes for, and he did, lolling his head to the right, neck muscles protesting from the long day hunched in the barracks.
His closest friend, Major James Sholto, mirrored his slack position beside him. His back lay flat against John’s bed, his bare feet also pressed into the wall in hopes of airing them out. He sipped his beer quietly, eyes focusing on an invisible spot above him, square jaw moving under tan skin when he swallowed.
“Tastes like piss,” he said quietly.
Let’s waste time chasing cars around our heads.
They’d been like this for less than an hour, doing nothing in particular. James had sneaked some beer from the rec hall, which John would have been glad to get himself, but the Major’s soft eyes gleamed with mischief when he said it, and John had to comply. What he’d brought, instead of two, was a whole case, and he and John had been drinking since after dinner.
It was nice, just to lay there. Sometimes they talked in quiet tones, since everyone else on the base was (supposedly) asleep, but otherwise they just drank in silence.
If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?
“It’s better than nothing,” John replied, turning back to the ceiling and taking a swig himself, the warm froth from the bottom of the bottle sending a little shiver down his sore spine.
I don’t quite know how to say what I feel.
James hummed in response. He didn’t talk much, outside of shouting orders, and even on the occasion he and John got totally pissed together, he still had trouble going on long rants, and only just quipped in short, slurred phrases. John found it endearing and, truthfully, a bit cute.
But of course, most of the time, cute was unwelcome. Instead it was strength and honor and heroism, men dying for it, often on John’s table. But now, in the cot, with the warm night and mediocre beer making them light and comfortable, cute was just right.
John was about to say something else when James cut him off.
“Why’d you do it, John? Come here, I mean. Everyone’s got a reason. I don’t know yours.”
This caught him off guard. Nobody ever asked him that. Now, he found he didn’t know what to say. “I… Er, I actually don’t know. Part of it is because of the honor, I think. Helping people. And I like working with medicine. But the actual being here is… not what I expected. People always patted me on the back and said, ‘Good on you, Johnny! Protecting our country, patching up our boys, you’re a real hero.’ But when they said that, I hadn’t even gone yet, so’s like, why even say that? They never asked me why I wanted to go, so I guess I don’t have a real answer.”
Forget what we’re told before we get too old. Show me a garden that’s bursting into life.
James downed the rest of his beer and leaned a strong arm back to set it on the ground with the other empty bottles. Then he folded his powerful hands calmly and looked over at John, sturdy chest rising and falling gently under his thin, white undershirt. “That’s a fine answer, John.”
“Mmm. Thanks.” He followed James’s lead and finished the froth in his bottle before turning back to James. He twirled the green glass neck in his fingers as his eyes caught something soft and reverent in his Major’s.
James was a fine man, that was clear. He was strong and smart and handsome, with pretty blue eyes and good structure to his face. He was tall and regal and well put together, but here and now, lying face-up in John’s bed, feet up at an angle, he looked much more soft. More relatable. Breathtakingly handsome, definitely, but kind and available in his nature.
All that I am, all that I ever was, was here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see.
Darting his eyes to James’s lips unconsciously before he asked, “What about you? You chase the honor?”
Feeling the weight of John’s eyes, James lingered inside his gaze for a bit before turning back and closing his eyes, searching for an answer. “This is what I’m meant to do, what I’m meant to be.”
It was silent then. John didn’t disagree. He was a perfect soldier and an even better Major. Trustworthy, direct, and soft-spoken to the new recruits who needed a bit of help.
I need your grace to read my needs, to find my own.
John shifted his sore shoulders and crossed his ankles, heels pressing against the cot. “It fits you. You’re good at it. Helpful and strong and heroic.”
“None of us are heroes yet, John.”
“But thank you.”
“’Course. Cheers.” John swiveled around with a grunt, set his empty bottle down, and brought two new ones back up, toes crunching to find grip against the wall. He handed one bottle to James, who smiled with such respect and tenderness, that John’s heart swelled and dampened out the loneliness lingering there.
I don’t know where, confused about how as well, just know that these things will never change for us at all.