wasn't sure whether to post this

Speaking as a Rebecca fan who thinks the writing has fucked her over big time, can we not minimise the issue of consent that took place during the ONS? I think we probably all know that you don’t sleep with a drunk person who is also upset and ALSO has turned you down every single time while sober, even if they try to initiate something. 

I completely understand people feeling angry about this situation and defending Rebecca because she gets so much nasty shit from some fans which she doesn’t deserve, and I get that Emmerdale clearly weren’t intending to portray any consent issues with their scene, but the fact is that they did make the scene dubious consent-wise, that being the intention or not, and it bothers me that people can’t step away from their feelings for the individual characters involved here for a second and look at the issue. 

You do not EVER sleep with a drunk person when you are sober, ESPECIALLY if they are clearly in an emotional state, and ESPECIALLY not if they have turned you down while sober. That’s morally wrong. 

Take the characters out of it. I love Rebecca too. Robert has treated her like absolute shit. I don’t think people bringing up the consent issue are trying to argue that he’s morally superior to Rebecca or minimise his past actions. 

But that doesn’t make the way Emmerdale portrayed the ONS any less problematic. In fact it’s disturbing to me that Robert’s past actions are now being used to imply that the ONS scene was somehow defensible. 

Switch those characters and tell me people would have the same response. Put Robert in Rebecca’s position and see how people would react. I KNOW that’s hard, but really do it. Switch their characters in that scene and you KNOW the word people would be calling Robert. 

We have to be so mindful of the real life experiences of people when we discuss issues of consent, because despite our feelings for the characters, this is a big issue that deserves to be explored. Robert being the villain in his past interactions with Rebecca does not make the ONS scene okay. Rebecca ‘giving in’ to Robert after he tries to initiate something is not an excuse. 

I am quite worried by people who argue that. I am concerned that they might do something like that to a ‘friend’ or worse might have that done to them and believe they deserve it somehow. 

I love Rebecca. She’s sunshine and joy and she can be forgiving and kind and brilliant. But that scene let her down and we need to put away our personal feelings when looking at the way Emmerdale, and soap in general, portrays issues of consent, especially surrounding male characters being the victims of female perpetrators. 

for days when you’re not feeling the best

 Go somewhere where you’ll be alone and scream.
Sometimes, to feel better, you just have to scream until you release everything out. Maybe bring someone with you if you want to, but make sure they won’t mind you going a bit crazy.

Originally posted by park-king-lot

 Fluffy socks and sweater on !
To make yourself feel better, buy yourself a popcorn or just watch your favourite movie, the most important thing is comfort. Stay indoors the entire day if you feel like you need to !
Take your time~

Originally posted by cutefunnybabyanimals

 Go talk to someone !
It can be your friend, mom, dad, significant other or even your pet, say everything to someone. Tell them how you feel and what’s bothering you. maybe try to find a solution to your sadness as well ?

Originally posted by doggykittyeverywhere

 Make yourself a huge cup of your favourite of tea. Or maybe something more fancy ? Sure, you can make hot chocolate too. If you feel like, eat something you really like. Remember, it’s okay to cry.

Originally posted by anniedabomb

 Go and have fun !
One thing i suggest is to go shopping. Buy something nice for you, whether that’s clothes, cosmetics, plant, or anything else, it doesn’t matter !
 Bring your firends with you and have fun together. You can go to cinema as well ?

Originally posted by tinynestling

 Crafting time !
Now it’s time to do whatever you love to do. It can be drawing, writing, cooking, reading, playing an instrument, do whatever you want to do. Try a new technique and have fun !

Originally posted by anniedabomb

 Pumper yourself !
Here are some ideas of what you can do: put on a face mask, try new type of makeup if you want to, or just take a bath. Also, go hug someone. This helps- A.LOT.

Originally posted by alxbngala

 Go for a run. Also, a good idea is to write your feelings down, which might help you quite a lot. Everything that’s on your mind, even if it’s the biggest nonsense. If you can, go and talk to someone.

Originally posted by sunsnek

 Go and fight a pillow !
Another good thing is to clean. Just do some little things you can be proud of later. It can be something as simple as going to the shop to buy food, because you’ve been procrastinating on it.

Originally posted by wantbefit

 Go and take a hot shower. Actually why stop there ? Go and take a BATH. Use your favourite bath bomb if you have one and if not, go and buy one. Maybe bring something little to snack on in the bath, but most importantly, relax-

Originally posted by babyshowgirl

Be lazy !
That’s it. Just spend time indoors, do whatever you want to do. You can watch your favourite show for the entire day if you want to. Just no responsibilities, please.

Originally posted by cuteness--overload

 Feeling like you’re going crazy ?
Make a playlist of your favourite music and play it really loud. Maybe agressively dance if you want to, the most important thing is to stop feeling about what’s bothering you.

Originally posted by colorlessmidnight


Just some practice sketches that I drew a few months ago of Carter Grant from Supergirl and toddler!Carter.  I wish we had gotten more episodes with him because he was adorable and I grew to love him even more because of fluffy domestic Supercat fics.  

stalkers, abusers, and douchebags often seek to validate themselves by using and manipulating others.

they’ll approach your friends, your peers, and people they consider to be authorities or influential because if they can get one person you trust to say ‘well they’ve always been fine with _me_’ they can get you to doubt yourself and your experiences and maybe give them another chance.

and look! they’ve managed to abuse you without even being there.

we’ve all been co-opted in a strategy like this at some point in our lives. I know for a fact I have, and it kills me how long it took me to realise. how easy it was for me to disregard my concerns because yeah, they were a bit odd, but they were fine _to me_ so it was probably okay.

it wasn’t.

I’m not saying you should suspect every single person who comes into your inbox of trying to manipulate you. I don’t even think it’s a conscious decision on the part of the person doing it, half the time.

just keep your wits about you.

“Flashing lights and we took a wrong turn,” references to the paparazzi that link in with I Know Places and the wanting to keep the relationship private. Haylor didn’t need to be kept private and was pretty was publicised (PR at its finest), whereas swiftgron was a lot less low key. Probably why they got away with being together for so long before people started to figure it out; Dianna has several private accounts and swiftgron was never really seen much unless fans caught them together.

“Fell down the rabbit hole,” quotes Dianna’s former username of the tumblr account she shut down shortly after the post that outed her and Taylor went viral online.

“Didn’t they tell us don’t rush into things? Didn’t you flash your green eyes at me?” could be referring to the picture of the night Taylor, Dianna, Ashley and Claire got together. Claire is a mutual friend of both girls and most likely introduced them back at the market. The photograph of Taylor and Dianna looking at each other, Ashely seems to know something and probably warned the girls not to rush anything. Green eyes- Dianna’s eyes are hazel but a light green in certain lighting (also links in to I Know Places ‘in the dead of night your eyes so green’) and could be suggesting Taylor was too wrapped up in Dianna to bother heeding any warnings to take it slow. Taylor has a habit of describing hazel eyes to be green- John Mayer has hazel eyes and she wrote them to be green. 

“Didn’t it all seem new and exciting?” the relationship was probably new and exciting for Taylor. “Haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?” curious minds, could that be any gayer Taylor?

“We found Wonderland,” Dianna’s favourite book and movie is Alice In Wonderland and has been long since before she met Taylor, who has never before Dianna expressed a love or interest for Alice In Wonderland.

“So we went on our way, too in love to think straight,” clever play on words right there Taylor. “All alone or so it seemed,” both girls played on the illusion that they were alone and not together. Its said that Dianna would drive over to Taylor’s around midnight and after, then leave in the morning. Links to references in I Wish You Would of seeing headlights pass the window panes late at night. Dianna had also met Taylor’s family and vice versa, and Taylor would visit the hotels Dianna had been staying in to see her. Likewise, the staff member from Elle magazine who tweeted Dianna was only there to visit Taylor. A lot of their interactions were kept private.

“But there were strangers watching, and whispers turned to talking” cue the part of their relationship where it went from 'whispers’ of suspecting fans on tumblr and twitter to the 'talking’ of the paparazzi and the media who began to figure out they were more than friends, ie the outing post and Jimmy who flat out asked Dianna on TV if she was dating Taylor

“And talking turned to screams,” could be implying again, that more and more people were talking about them, or the screaming between Taylor and Dianna themselves. Probably disagreements over staying in the closet etc.

“You searched the world for something else to make you feel like what we had,” Taylor told a fan in Club Red that the reason she and Dianna hadn’t seen each other in a few months was because Dianna had a new boyfriend. (Most likely Nick Mathers at that time as Taylor was also praising Dianna on her appearance in The Killers’ video for Just Another Girl.) Also, hello Kaylor nice to meet you.

“And in the end in Wonderland, we both went mad,” Dianna has a tattoo that reads 'we’re all mad here' on her ribcage.

I’d guess they broke up at some point after the FUN concert they went to together as after that it was pretty much radio silence between the girls despite them both being at the same places such as The Met Gala of 2014, until the American Music Awards after 1989 was released. Dianna was seated several rows behind Taylor at the show but moved to be down beside Taylor (and Karlie who she didn’t interact with at all during the night) and held her hand tight in hers whilst talking to her. My guess is that Dianna bought 1989 much like she did with RED and had definitely heard Wonderland before the AMAs. Since then the girls haven’t been seen together but there are several swiftgron moments that have cropped up since then, with Taylor having liked two gifs of Dianna at separate times and Dianna having posted a picture for her birthday, with Alice In Wonderland references within the caption, whilst holding a flamingo. Taylor also has flamingos like that, but it can’t be said for sure whether Taylor actually sent Dianna one as the flamingos are not identical.

So to end this long ass post, swiftgron was most definitely a real thing and Wonderland couldn’t be more obviously written about Dianna.

anonymous asked:

Hi! Thanks for all the work you do maintaining this blog. Can I ask about life under and shortly after Don't Ask Don't Tell? Also, I had a look through your discharge posts, but I wasn't entirely sure - how would a soldier be discharged if they were outed under DADT?

Thank you very much!

I enlisted shortly before DADT was officially repealed, (which was September 2011, though they were working on repealing it in 2010) so I only had to deal with it officially for about a year, although it would be three years before I actually came out to anyone nonetheless. 

It’s hard to explain being enlisted under DADT. I wasn’t entirely sure what would invoke DADT’s wrath, whether they had to have proof or whether just not acting hetero enough was sufficient grounds for an investigation.

I was only 19 and my sexuality was sorta w/e and I didn’t even call myself bisexual at the time because I was going through my “I don’t like labels” phase, but I got really paranoid really fast. I’m still super paranoid about looking or sounding stereotypically “queer.” I used to write fanfiction and I worried that somehow the government was powerful enough to track me down through my deleted work. I even restricted my porn to het only because I didn’t want people finding gay porn on my laptop.

Sometimes while I was bored in the field or at work, I’d write slash fic in a notebook and then either burn it or flush it down a toilet so no one would find it. I remember losing such a notebook once and freaking the fuck out thinking that someone would eventually find it and read it and KNOW, but then again my handwriting is terrible and the worst that came of it was some asshole drew dicks on the sketches I’d made (why ARE straight dudes obsessed with dicks???). I guess I’m sorta lucky I’m bi, if you wanna call it lucky, ‘cause at least I wasn’t completely faking my sexuality; I was just omitting part of it.

I actually knew a guy who was ballsy enough to be “openly” gay (or as openly as was possible at the time) and he even had “the voice.” I worry he thought I was a homophobe because being around him made me uncomfortable; I was convinced “they” were gonna come for him one day and I didn’t want to get roped into it. He was a nice guy though, don’t think he ever got kicked out (somehow). 

In basic training if we hadn’t fucked up during the week, on Sundays they let us have our phones for an hour to call our parents and tell them we aren’t dead. Shortly before leaving for basic training I actually had met a guy (on World of Warcraft, no less) and we’d been flirting, and he was still texting me while I was in basic which gave me like a million anxieties, because my phone was in my drill sergeants’ possession and like all they would have to do is just start going through it, and it was an old phone so it didn’t even have a password lock or anything. Nothing ever came from it, of course. Never texted him again actually; kinda feel bad about it.

The thing is that like, for me in 2011, there wasn’t a witch hunt or anything. DADT was on its way out at that point. It’s not like people were breathing down my neck trying to trip me up. I’m lucky I joined so late in the game because it was a lot worse back in the day. But still, it just felt more suffocating than in the real world, especially because when I first enlisted I intended to serve my full 20 years and it terrified me thinking that my entire life career could be ruined because someone found a Digimon fanfic I wrote when I was eleven. 

For me, most of my stress about DADT came from not knowing what was wrong, and the rest of my stress came from the constant paranoia and worrying about which aspect of my personality was grounds for dismissal. tbh this probably helped set the groundwork for me becoming the agoraphobic neurotic depressed anxiety-ridden loser I am today.

You might consider reading this post from a few days ago regarding how people might try to kick one out for DADT. If you have a more specific question, you can always ask again! Hopefully this post answers your question and isn’t just me rambling.

Edit: life after DADT for me was the same as before: say nothing, hope nobody notices you. At that point it was just easier to keep my head down, partially because there was a major election coming up in 2012 and for all I knew they were going to repeal the repeal.


Was this post informative? Entertaining? Eye-opening? Then consider supporting SPC Kingsley on Patreon!

As some of you may have already read, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to interact more with my followers. So I thought of something that might interest you. ^^

I’ve recently been thinking about the many things I wanna do and the little free time I have to actually do them. You know, opening a small cafe, improving my cooking skills, learning a new language, discovering I have superpowers and becoming the greatest superhero ever, stuff like that. So, my question for you is:

If you could be anywhere, at any point in time, doing whatever your heart desires, where would you be? What would you be doing? Think of it as an AU starring no other than you as the main character! ^^

transistor-sister-radio  asked:

Hey, so I just double checked to make sure it wasn't in the big car sanctuary post, and I was wondering if you had any info on project survival's car haven, and whether it's a good place or not?

I hadn’t heard of the facility before! Thanks for asking.

At first blush, skimming the website, they looked pretty okay but the more I dug into the facebook posts the less comfortable I am with it because somebody is just going to get themselves killed there. Lots of stupid contact with big cats (although not cub petting, or for the public), no secondary containment/dangerous animal protocol, implied breeding of captive big cats. The biggest problem, though, is that for a facility that frames themselves as an educational facility they do a piss-poor job of it on social media and on their website on really important big cat issues and they post a lot of ‘cute’ photos without any context or education and they’re super misleading. 

First off, they don’t label themselves a sanctuary in their mission statement and the fact that they call it out directly is good. They purposefully bill themselves as an education organization that happens to take in rescue cats.I like that honesty, but I’m also a little suspicious of purposefully distancing themselves from the sanctuary label because it probably implies a set of standards of care and methodology? I don’t like places that own big cats for non-rescue reasons, either - you can do education without multiples of endangered species, or go to a zoo. 

Dangerous enclosures:

One thing that really worries me is the enclosure you can see in this video. It looks like a good exhibit overall - but look how close those people are to the fence. There’s no secondary containment there. None. In the public sector. That’s stupid enough in staff access areas, but to not have dangerous animal protocols in the fucking public view is just asking for people to lose body parts. Again, this video: no secondary containment and 360 degree enclosures. Not safe at all. 

Breeding endangered big cats:

I can’t find any direct information on if they breed their cats, but it’s implied because they mention that their rescue ‘white tiger’ will not be bred. I’m iffy about that because they have some endangered species whose genetics are pretty heavily regulated through Species Survival Programs in AZA facilities, so any breeding they do wouldn’t have any impact on conservation projects. Non SSP animals aren’t ever reintroduced into captive populations because their genes are an unknown. 

They do talk about how the white tiger is a rescue and won’t be bred, but not about why. That’s a pretty big oversight for a facility that supposedly does education for big cats as justification for existing. Maybe they do it in person, but if it’s not on the website profile of her - nothing about her health issues or being inbred or anything - I doubt it. 

Scrolling through facebook it’s pretty obvious they do breed. Look at this photo:

The number of issues in this photo are immense.

No gloves or protective gear for sensitive cub immune systems.

Nursery set up in the middle of an open staff building where there’s probably a lot of traffic and no privacy and lots of germs, from the look of the space. 

Two cats being fed at the same time - no way to monitor consumption.

Single-layer containment on the fence.

Water/pee outside the fence from the staff area leaking into the enclosure, maybe? (Can’t tell for sure but there’s no water dish nearby in the exhibit, and the spill pattern looks like it’s running into the exhibit). 

No bedding or den materials for the cubs (straw and shavings are messy enough you’d be able to see some of them). 

And again, no context on the photo when it was posted on Facebook. Lots of ‘I want one’ and ‘cute’ comments. These are also probably clouded or snow leopard cubs, both of which are highly endangered but this doesn’t do jack for ‘conservation’ because they’re not accredited. 

Too much free contact:

I’m trying to figure out the level of contact they have with their cats. What I can tell from facebook is that it looks like enough to be stupid and unsafe and there’s no institutional philosophy about it. It’s not mentioned on the website, which means there’s some, because facilities that are no-contact with big cats tend to display that publicly. The more I scroll through their facebook page, the less I like it. There’s a photo of a dude taking a fucking selfie with a melanistic leopard while out on a walk… which means he’s a) not keeping an eye on the cat b) in a vulnerable position around the cat and c) putting his face right next to big teeth. That’s not okay. 

Next, there’s this photo of a snow leopard sitting on someone’s lap. It’s associate with text that says it doesn’t happen anymore, and there’s a bottle on the floor so they were probably hand-raising, but that doesn’t really make it OK. That snow leopard cub is far too old to still be in contact with people - most responsible facilities would have pulled contact long before. Snow leopards also imprint on people super heavily (from personal experience around some hand-raised ones) and from what I know should be raised with less contact instead of more. Again, notice, no secondary containment - that’s a single-layer fence with pretty big holes. Paws can definitely fit through those, and reach pretty damn far. 

Shitty education:

There’s also this text associated with a facebook video that makes me side-eye them a little:

“Out for a walk with Tango. As you can see the cheetahs love their walks. Why would people hate this? Believe me there are some on this page that do hate interaction with animals.”

Now, it’s pretty normal for education ambassador cheetahs to be walked on leashes - much more so than any other big cat. They’re not as strong and tend to be more dog-like so it’s a more commonly accepted practice. But there’s that thing about ‘why do people hate this’. As a place that does education, I would expect them to be able to eloquently comment on the dangers of free contact and the importance of respecting big cats and to probably purposefully do that sort of outreach on their videos… not diss it in an offhand ‘look how pretty this is how could you hate it’ unprofessional way.

So far, just to count the few posts I’ve covered:

No information on why white tigers are unhealthy and shouldn’t be bred

No information on facebook about being safe around big cats during free-contact photos

No information posted about husbandry and hand-raising behaviors, period, with the “cute” photos of people handling cubs.

Misleading responses to “attacks” on contact with cheetahs

Oh, and oh look, they take cubs to camps (this one is labeled as a camp for 6th graders) for “education”.

In short: B- or C+, mayyyybe. 

Obviously, this place isn’t as bad as BJWT or T.I.G.E.R.S - it’s hard to be that abominable and not be on a larger radar - but I really don’t like them. They seem to have good enrichment and good enclosures and the cats all look like they’re in pretty good body condition and they do get training, but that’s about all the good I can say. They breed endangered cats, haul the cubs around, post a lot of misleading information and really don’t pull contact as soon as they should. It’s dangerous and stupid and doesn’t teach people anything except that it’s okay to support facilities that do that sort of thing - because there’s no associated information distinguishing their practices from that of a place like T.I.G.E.R.S. 

It really pisses me the fuck off when places masquerade as educational facilities and then do such a bad job of covering anything important and instead teach all the wrong stuff. UGH. Do not support.

(All photos sourced from PSCatHaven’s public facebook page).