What we really need is an adaptation of the original 1740 The Beauty and the Beast
So were you aware that the The Beauty and the Beast story we all know is a heavily abridged and rewritten version of a much longer novella by
Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve? And that a lot of the plot holes existing in the current versions exist because the 1756 rewrite cut out the second half of the novella, which consisted entirely of the elaborate backstory that explains all the weird shit that happened before? And that the elaborate backstory is presented in a way that’s kind of boring because the novel had only just been invented in 1740 and no one knew how they worked yet, but contains a bazillion awesome ideas that beg for a modern retelling? And that you are probably not aware that the modern world needs this story like air but the modern world absolutely needs this story like air? Allow me to explain:
The totally awesome elaborate backstory that explains Beauty and the Beast
Once upon a time there was a king, a queen, and their only son
But while the prince was still in his infancy, in a neat reversal of how these fairy tales usually go, the king tragically died, leaving his wife to act as Regent until their son reaches maturity
Unfortunately, the rulers of all the lands surrounding them go, “Hmm, the kingdom is ruled by a woman now, it must be weak, time for an invasion!”
And the Queen goes, “Well, if I let some general fight all these battles for me, he’ll totally amass enough fame and power to make a bid for the throne; if I want to protect my son’s crown, I have no choice but to take up arms and lead the troops myself!”
(Btw, I want to stress that this woman is not Eowyn or Boudica and nothing in the way her story is presented suggests that she had any interest martial exploits before or in any way came to enjoy them during these battles. This is a perfectly ordinary court lady who would much rather be embroidering altar covers for the royal chapel and playing with her child until necessity made her go, “Oh no, this sucks, I guess I have to become a Warrior Queen now” and she just happened to kick ass at it anyway.)
And the Queen totally kicked ass, but the whole “twice as good for half the credit” thing meant that no matter how many battles she won, potential enemies refused to take her and her army seriously until she had defeated them so no sooner would she fend off one invasion than another one would pop up on a different border.
So she spent the majority of her young son’s life away from the castle leading armies, but it was OK because she left him in the care of her two best friends, who just happen to be fairies! This was an awesome idea because a) fairies have magic, and therefore are like the best people to protect the prince from any threats and b) fairies consider themselves to be so above humanity that the lowest fairy outranks the highest mortal, so they’d have no interest in taking a human throne. Good thing they were both good fairies instead of one good and one evil one!
(Spoiler: they were not both good fairies.)
So the two fairies basically take turns raising the prince until he’s old enough to rule. And on the eve of his twenty-first birthday, the evil older one comes into the prince’s bedroom.
“So listen, kid. You’re about to become king, your mother’s on her way home from the war to see you crowned, and I have a third piece of good news for you! You see, I’ve actually been spending so much time here lately because Fairyland’s become a bit too hot to hold me for reasons totally not related to me being secretly evil. And if I have to hang in the human world, I might as well reside in the upper echelons of it, so even though as a powerful fairy I completely eclipse your puny human status in a staggeringly unimaginable way, since you’re about to be king and since my premonition that I should stick this whole guardianship thing out because you would be hot one day has totally proved accurate (go me), I will graciously lower myself to allowing you to marry me. Please feel free to grovel at my feet in gratitude. (Btw, we can totally start the wedding night now, we’ll tell your mother about it when she arrives tomorrow.)”
add up ur points at the end and lets see how embarrassing ur wc phase was
creating a warrior cats oc: 1 point
creating an entire warrior cats oc clan, down to the clan name and filling up every position: 2 points
drawing ur warriors oc w/ bangs: 2 points
drawing a canon warriors character with bangs: 2 points (BONUS: add 2 points if u drew any canon character with bloodshot eyes/red marks under their eyes)
buying the warriors books and creating a collection: 2 points
stealing warriors books from the library or ur school: 3 points
roleplaying warrior cats online: 2 points
roleplaying warrior cats irl: 4 points (BONUS: add 3 points if irl warrior cats roleplay got so intense/violent that it resulted in the injury of urself or anyone else playing)
roleplaying warrior cats irl so much it got warriors banned at ur school: 10 points
making a youtube playlist entirely out of 2008 warrior cat amvs: 4 points
creating those couple amv slideshows to every time we touch, hot & cold, or bad boy: 3 points (BONUS: add 2 points if you created more than one, add 4 points if u made one of these slideshows and didnt credit any artists u put in them)
gave your cat an actual warrior name: 3 points
gave your cat a whole, entire, real warrior ceremony: 6 points
having an actual, true otp for warriors: 2 points
instead of having ur wc otp be actual cats, u drew them as anthros: 6 points
writing warrior cats fanfiction: 2 points
writing warriors smut: 20 points
actually shipping ashfur/scourge: 5 points
stanning for ashfur: 3 points
getting into warriors discourse either online or irl, including but not limited to: discourse about what clan is better, discourse about what pairings are the best, discourse about whether squirrelflight or ashfur was right, discourse about coat colors/eye colors: 7 points
if u ever announced ur love for a warrior cat, anywhere, either online or irl: 10 points (BONUS: add another 3 points just bc ur a fucking furry)
NOW THAT U GOT UR POINTS WHAT DOES IT MEAN
1-7 POINTS: ur wc phase was boring, u probably are scared to admit u have done more of these
8-14 POINTS: u probably grew out of wc/dont talk about it as much, but when u were into it u know u were kinda embarrassing and prefer to just ignore it
15-20 POINTS: ur still into wc and ur honestly hardly embarrassed about it anymore u’ve accepted this
On Aug. 11, beloved pop singer Kesha will return with Rainbow, her third full-length album and first since 2012’s Warrior. In the run-up to the record’s release, Kesha has shared a few songs from the upcoming LP — “Praying,”“Woman” and “Learn to Let Go” — along with several essays about her creative process and personal growth. Now, in tandem with the release of yet another track, “Hymn,” Mic presents a new, original essay from the songwriter herself.
Probably the most powerful experience I’ve ever had as an artist is having fans come up to me and tell me that a song or album of mine has helped them through hard times. Some of them have gone as far as to tell me that my music helped save their lives. This is hard for me to comprehend, and for as long as I live, no other honor will ever match that. Hearing those words from fans has changed me.
I think that one of the reasons why my music connects with people who feel like they don’t fit in is because I have never fit in either — this is why the song “Hymn” is so special to me. The longer title was “Hymn for the Hymnless.” And when I say “hymnless,” I’m talking about people who feel like they don’t fit in, people who feel like they don’t have a hymn. Read more (8/3/17)
One thing that is….oddly refreshing about Wonder Woman is that Diana doesn’t have a ‘no killing’ rule like Batman and Superman.
Which means I don’t end up sitting there during fight scenes going ‘that guys’s dead’, ‘him too’, ‘oops, and him’, ‘this is getting to be a pretty high body count for someone who doesn’t kill, isn’t it Bruce?’
I first saw Woodstock running across a turnpike we were turning onto late one dark night in Peachtree Georgia Atlanta. Whilst we were shooting Lawless. He was a stray. 11 weeks old. Oh No we thought. Quickly Go get that dog not even sure it was a dog. Actually. We stopped the car. It was pitch black literally. I used my phone to light the road in case a car came round the turnpike and couldn’t see me. And malletted me. And I tried to cover some ground but he was fast. I watched this thing Running towards the highway in the pitch black making good speed towards the cars and lorries and I remember seeing what were its floppy ears bouncing towards the traffic. That dogs had it I thought. I couldn’t make out how big it was what breed it was? Nothing just those two ears flapping away above a frantic bundle. Hurtling away from us towards impending doom that was for certain. Whatever it was had no road sense and was tearing away. I panicked a little because I couldn’t help it had no name to shout and now it was close to the freeway. I put my fingers to my mouth and I whistled. Loud as I could. The whistle pierced the black. And It stopped the dog dead in its tracks. Then it turned and set eyes on me in one swift movement the ears about faced and the dog decided to run straight at me in the darkness all flashes of teeth and snarling And shrieking. Fuck this I thought that’s not a fkn dog. What am I doing. It ran straight at me and hit me around the legs I couldn’t see but I could hear the distress and I reached down thinking I’m going to get bitten. It was so noisy shrieking. I snatched out expecting to feel teeth and grabbed a fist full of soft neck fur lifted what was actually an incredibly light weight up to my face and shone my phone at it. It was a very small bundle literally sagging from its neck fur with two big brown eyes staring straight into mine. Terrified and utterly quiet. When I got back to the car and sat in my seat he lay on my shoulder and fell asleep. And snored clearly he’d been through a lot. And now the ordeal was seemingly over enough for him to relax. Jessica asked me was he a girl or a boy. Its a boy I said. How do you know. Erm… I can feel his Woodstock. great !!! let’s call him Woodstock!!! And so it was. He was covered in dogshit. Now so was I. And we rode and We took him straight to the pet store to clean him up and buy him well things.., lots of things things dogs need and we walked the aisles the three of us letting him Choose toys and his lead and his collar. I’ll Never forget that night. It was wonderful. One minute he was almost dead next terrified. Then picked up by strangers then after He had a power nap in the car, the next he’s walking with his bandy leg John Wayne strut under the strip lighted aisles of this massive pet store happy and playful. He wore a red bandana that night and from then on and drank religiously from the toilet throughout the night despite having a few bowls of water in the apartment he was every inch a survivor. He wasnt house broken it didn’t matter we were outdoors mostly and He ate through trailer doors and made many friends and Pnut had him on the lead off set and He became our onset dog I will always be eternally grateful to Georgia. It gave me the greatest of joys of being a dog owner And the bestest of friends after Max had passed Woody arrived He was 11 weeks old approx. The first morning we had him. He ate a turd and we chased him to drop it but he gobbled it down because he must have thought we wanted to eat it. So he ate it as fast as he could. We just wanted him to eat some real food. He now had plenty. But there was a survivor in him. That was clear he had had to eat what he could and from then on it was clear he had food issues. But he would never go hungry again. His nickname was Yamaduki. Because he literally yammed down a duki. So Woodstock Yamaduki was his full name. Woody Thomas later Woody two shoes and Wu for short.
Woody came back to the Uk after Jess’s parents kindly looked after him to avoid quarantine they house trained him. He had my tshirt from Warrior. I picked him up from them in California when I shot Dark Knight and thanked them. He hadn’t forgotten me and despite the tireless efforts and hard work that Jessica’s Mum and husband had put into Woody he heard my whistle again and turned and ran at me and didn’t look back. I felt for them but secretly I was very happy that my friend and I were reconnected. We all had a picnic we jumped into a lake Woody too and then it was clear Woody couldn’t swim and I hauled his ass out of the lake. Dragging him out the shit a second time cemented a pattern. I have hauled him out of rivers and ponds on many occasion since that day such was his love to chase ducks. Especially the Thames. his rabies titer had cleared he spent a week in quarantine and he became a Londoner.
He was an Angel. And he was my best friend. We went through so much together. Charlotte worked tirelessly with him to get him through a rough case of separation anxiety. He loved her like his Mum. And when she was pregnant he gaurded her fiercely.
He has been on many sets. Met many crews. Photo shoots premieres made many many friends he was #73 most influential animal in TIME magazine. He beat JAWS. Something we all thought was brilliant. He’s been in peaky blinders. Legend everyone who met him loved him. He didn’t have a bad bone in his body. All he knew was love.
I don’t normally speak out about family and friends but this is an unusual circumstance. Woody affected so many people in his own right so with great respect to his autonomy and as a familiar friendly face to many of you, it is with great great sadness a heavy heart that I inform you that after a very hard and short 6 month battle with an aggressive polymyostisis Woody passed away, two days ago. He was only Age 6. He was Far too young to leave us and We at home are devastated by his loss I am ultimately grateful for his loyal companionship and love and it is of some great comfort that he is no longer suffering. Above all I am completely gutted. the world for me was a better place with him in it and by my side. To the bestest friend ever. To me and to a family who loved him beyond words and whom he loved without doubt more than I have ever known. Woody was the bestest of journey companions we ever could dream of having. Our souls intertwined forever.
A friend told me
He was special bro, a shining example of man’s best friend. He burnt very very bright and, those that burn very bright sometimes burn half as long.
Thankyou Woody for choosing to find us. We will love you and be with you and you with us forever. Never ever ever forgotten. Your Boy tom xxx I love you beyond words. To the moon and back again and again to Infinity and beyond. Run with Max now and the Angels. I will see you when I get there. With all of me I love you. Always Thankyou for Your love beautiful boy.