Do NOT read Valhalla by Ari Bach. Valhalla is a cruel joke posing as a novel. It is written by the author of a blog called facts-i-just-made-up who is basically a massive tumblr troll and this is their nastiest trick yet.
Valhalla itself isn’t the problem. Valhalla is actually a really good book. It’s the sequels that are the trick. Valhalla lures you in with a fun story, lots of jokes and characters you’ll love and enjoy reading. It even has giant walruses. It’s actually really hard to read this book without wanting to read the sequels. It’s like the first taste of an addictive drug. Literary heroin.
Then the next trip is bad. It’s really bad. Ragnarok, the second book in the Valhalla series, starts out fun and cool but pretty soon everyone you love is either evil or dead. This book is like getting stabbed in the eye. Imagine Fault in Our Stars times 50, but Augustus votes for Donald Trump and then Hazel shoots him to death. Or Where The Red Fern Grows but the dogs get rabies and tear the narrator’s throat out and they all die. There are good reviews on Amazon and Goodreads- Don’t trust them at face value. They are written by masochists, the kind of people who read stuff that makes them hurt inside and cry. And then the drug kills you with the third book.
If Ragnarok is like getting stabbed in the eye, Gudsriki is like twisting the knife and then beating you to a pulp and then stepping on your remains and setting the remains on fire and peeing the fire out after eating asparagus. But you won’t be able to stop. As soon as you’ve read Valhalla you will have to read the whole series there is no stopping or avoiding it. It’s that addictive. And Gudsriki is that heart shattering. There is no other book ever that compares to it and no ending in the history of tragedy that will break you up like this will. But once you begin, you will have to read it all. You just can’t put it down.
So don’t pick it up. Valhalla by Ari Bach is pure evil. Pure absolute evil.
Gemini-CAUTION: Do not debate with, when the believe in something they get REAL DEFENSIVE. Cancer-WARNING: Let them do their own thing/when they’re determined, leave them be. Leo-CAUTION: Be careful with what they say. Virgo-WARNING: Don’t start an argument, you’ll always be proven wrong & feel stupid because they’re smarter then you. Libra-CAUTION: Listen, they just might be right. Scorpio-WARNING: ALERT SENSITIVE BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY, EVEN A LITTLE JOKE CAN SET THEM OFF. Sagittarius-CAUTION: Can be deceptive & manipulative so be carful. Capricorn-WARNING: DO NOT GET ON THEIR BAD SIDE, YOU’LL REGRET IT. Aquarius-CAUTION: Proceed with care.
Pisces-WARNING: Unpredictable, could become harmful at any minute.