war raging inside


I was 3 years into my recovery from anorexia and I still had trouble describing to people that struggling with an eating disorder was more than just not wanting to eat. Mental illness is very complicated and for the most part invisible. If someone is physically ill often you can see the outward manifestations of their illness or injury and offer to help to alleviate that pain or work towards restoring health. Your leg is broken? Here is a cast to help you mend the bone. You have a fever? Stay in bed and drink lots of fluids, etc.. But a mental illness?  There is no scan of the brain that can detect an eating disorder, but it is still the deadliest mental illness, recovery is incredibly difficult and death tragically common. This is a disease that is acutely painful; life threatening, but at times it can make no outward appearance. Yes, sometimes people with an eating disorder lose weight in such a drastic way that you can see them as clearly needing help, but often people battling with this illness can look totally “healthy” on the outside and have a war raging inside against themselves. It’s horrible and beyond that, it’s also greatly misunderstood and not spoken about often enough.

Because I Love You (Part IV)

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes x Reader

Summary: Can Bucky finally make things right?

Warnings: Angst, Cheating, Modern!AU, Swearing
2k Words.

For the last time, sorry to those named Adley!

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV (The end)

A/N: I realised the tags were not working (I think?) for the previous chapters, really sorry about that! 

Bucky fiddled with his fingers. It took him a lengthy lecture from Steve and a multitude of blue, black and green discolouration on his left arm, courtesy of Natasha, for him to find out where (Y/n) was. Remorse crawled all over him when he first heard of her location- Santorini, Greece. Of all places she could’ve choose to go, she flew to the place he promised he would take her on their Honeymoon. So there he was, sitting in the Taxi, gazing out the window and wondering how this breath-taking scenery could’ve played out very differently.

“Sir, you have arrived,” the driver said.

Bucky shot him a tight-lipped smile before muttering a short ‘thanks’. He passed the driver enough cash and got out of the car. A rush of sea breeze greeted him, thank God he decided not to slick his hair back today. Bucky remembered very clearly that (Y/n) preferred his hair fluffy and untamed. She mentioned that the slick back style reminded her of his work mode and she’d rather see him unwind and relax. The hotel looked exquisite. Despite the simplicity of the blue and white architecture, it looked cozy and welcoming.

Bucky didn’t bother paying too much attention to the interior and the decorations. He has an objective, an aim, a goal to accomplish. And he’d be darned to let (Y/n) slip away from his grasps once more. Bucky walked up to the reception and cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the woman behind the desk.

“May I help you, Sir?” she asked.

“I was wondering if you could tell me the room number of (Y/f/n) (Y/l/n),” Bucky’s response was immediate. The receptionist froze, eyeing Bucky and scrunching her perfectly lined brows.

“Providing a customer’s information to strangers is beyond my rights, Sir. I’m sorry, but I cannot afford to do that.”

“Look, I know it is. And you can put the blame completely on me! I swear! You can tell them I threatened you with a knife or a gun or… I don’t care. I just want to know where (Y/n) is!”

The speculating gaze of the woman remained unwavered. Bucky huffed out a sigh, brushing his hair back with his right arm.

“Miss, I’m really sorry about this, but I really do need to know where she is. She’s everything to me but I… I fucked up, and I want to make things right. So please,” Bucky pleaded, voice quavering.

“Don’t worry about him, I’ll take care of it,” a new voice offered from behind him.

Bucky’s head snapped up, ears perking up from the sweet, melodious voice he longed to hear. His eyes laid upon the familiar figure and there she was.


He wanted to tell her that she looked stunning, with that not-too-short floral shorts and plain white blouse, but he would be lying. (Y/n) may look gorgeous, but Bucky could undoubtedly see everything the woman was hiding underneath all the light layers of makeup. The dark circles beneath her eyes were well concealed but not to him, never to him. And those eyes, they weren’t opened as wide or looked as aware as they once were, her (y/e/c) orbs were dead. Her focus turned to him, and his breath hitched.

“Follow me.”

The walk was short and silent. Bucky spent the entire time staring at (Y/n)’s back. He was reciting all the things he wanted to say to her in his mind, and he has been reciting them ever since he got on the plane. (Y/n) stopped in front of a door, unlocking it and entering inside. Bucky timidly followed and glanced around. The room was clean, sheets were perfectly made and there were no traces of anyone living there, which was odd considering the fact that he had been informed that (Y/n)’s been here for a week. His eyes fell to the luggage sitting in the corner of the room, and everything clicked.

“You’re leaving today?” he asked, the nervousness that had enveloped him took away all the words he originally planned on saying.

(Y/n) did not provide a response. She continued towards the balcony and stared off ahead. Bucky took small, soft steps, afraid that she may not want him near her. (Y/n), though, was nonchalant about it when Bucky landed beside her. The scenery, as astonishing as it was, couldn’t contain her raging heart. The warm and painted skies of Santorini wasn’t enough to help her get a hold of herself. It has been a long time since Bucky and her had been this close, and it was riling her emotions up more than she’d like to admit.

“Why are you here, James?”

“I want to make things right,” he replied. Bucky turned to look at her; the wind swept her (y/h/c) strands from her face, while her face had a soft glow thanks to the Sunset. Looking at her, standing right next to him after everything that had happened gave him courage.

“(Y/n), I’m sorry. I truly am. And you can blame me, hate me, punch me after this but I need to explain to you why I did it. I need you to understand-”

“No James,” (Y/n) cut him off. She finally turned and looked at him, “I don’t want to know why you did it. I want to know how you feel.”


“I want to know of your feelings towards Adley. I want to know your feelings towards me. I want to know what you want me to do, what you want me to say. I want to know what you want for your future.”

Bucky blinked. He was never good with words and feelings, (Y/n) knew that. So why was she asking this from him? Bucky gulped and decided that it’s time to let his heart take over. If that’s what (Y/n) wanted, so be it.

“I don’t love her,” he started but the sharp gaze (Y/n) held towards him told him this wasn’t the answer she was looking for, so he dug in deeper, “She’s a wonderful person. She’s caring and modest, mature and forgiving, but she’s different. She tries to understand me, she tries to look into my head because she wants to help, but you told me that you would wait for me to reveal things to you myself. She always asks me about the things we do together, to make sure it’s in my comfort zone, but you… you would force me to get out, to try new things and to expand my world. She’d ask me about work, you know, trying to help me get some load off my chest, but you would take me into your arms and hold me, whispering childish stories into my ear so I’ll get my mind off of it,” Bucky inhaled slowly, trying to keep his tears at bay. He needed to convey his words to you, “She’s a great woman… but she’s not you.”

Bucky had to pause for a bit because he didn’t want her to hear the pathetic sobs of his, not when she should be the one in pain instead of him.

“What do I want you to do? I want you to tell me that I’ve messed up. I want you to scream and shout at me, to be mad at me, to hit me. I want you to look me in the eyes with tears in your own and just… burst! Yell out what I did wrong, yell out how stupid I’ve been, yell out what you imagine our future would’ve been before I fucked things up! That way I know at least, you still care, that way I would’ve known what I would want for my future as well…”

By the time Bucky finished all he needed to say, his head hung low and his form was shaking, wracked by the barrage of tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t see it, but (Y/n) was in the exact same state. He imagined this to be the last words he said to her, and he gasped in horror and denial. He wanted his last words to be meaningful, to be memorable for her, but that seemed impossible after all he’s put her through.

(Y/n)’s hands were up on her mouth, covering her trembling lips. She managed to hide her sobs well, she believed. Either that or Bucky was so into his speech he didn’t notice the whimpers she had let out. (Y/n) closed her eyes, the war raging inside her was too much. As her brain was spewing excuses as to why she shouldn’t give him another chance, her heart was making itself clear- Bucky loves her. She didn’t need to know the reason why. She wanted to trust herself, to believe that she understood Bucky well enough to see for herself the logic behind his actions. After all, the past had its turn on changing the present, but it’s the present that has the power to change the future. That’s why (Y/n) needed to know how Bucky felt.

“Hello?” (Y/n) answered her phone, the number unknown.

“Uhm… hi, (Y/n) right?” the voice replied.

“Yes, and you are?”

“It’s Adley. I need to talk to you.”

(Y/n) paused. What did Adley need? Did something happen to Bucky?

“Is there something you need?”

“We broke up,” Adley chuckled awkwardly, “It’s not that we were truly together anyway.”

“I, I’m sorry?”

“(Y/n), he loves you. He really does. You may think that he loves me, but he doesn’t. He never did. And I’m just here to tell you that. Have a good life, (Y/n).”

Before (Y/n) could say anything, Adley hung up. (Y/n)’s mouth was opened slightly, eyebrows furrowed. She sat down on the chair on her balcony and found herself repeating Adley’s words in her head. It’s been months since she heard anything from Bucky. She assumed he finally got his happy ending, so why did the brunette call? Her cell phone rang once more, snapping her out of her daze, this time with a recognizable contact.

“Hey Nat, what’s up?”

“(Y/n), you might be mad at me… and Steve, he’s in on this as well, but you have to listen carefully,” Natasha spoke with such intensity in her voice, “Barnes is on his way to you.”

“What?” (Y/n) stood up, “Nat, what? I mean, I’m leaving today!”

“So? Just call in and delay your checkout, he should be there by evening.”

“I just… What about my flight?”

“The same shit. Tell them to change your flight to a later one.”


“No buts (Y/n). Listen to yourself, I told you Barnes is on his way and you haven’t even reprimanded me about telling him your location! You love him, and… as much as I hate to admit it, he loves you. So just do what you need to do. Call me when it’s over.”

(Y/n) choked on a sob again, louder this time, and Bucky finally looked up. When he saw his best girl crying, he willed his feet and moved towards her. Bucky wrapped his arms around her, engulfing her in the warmth she was always used to. And both of them broke down in each other’s arms.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky whispered, “I love you. I love you so, so much (Y/n).”

(Y/n) didn’t struggle, she didn’t push him away nor did she retaliate. She nodded her head.

“I love you too, Bucky. I love you so much.”

Bucky smiled. He loved her, and he won’t make the same mistakes again. He will give her everything she deserves. He kissed her forehead, appreciating the raw emotion they were feeding from and to one another.

(Y/n) loved him, that much was clear to her. Her arms around his torso gripped tighter as she took in the familiar and soothing scent she had missed from the past few months. She felt the love Bucky has for her, and if giving him another chance meant giving their loving future a possibility, it was more than enough.

A/N: And that’s the end of it, guys. Thank you so much for reading this series, and I’m really sorry if you are unsatisfied with the ending. I wanted to make it a contrast to how usual cheating fics are. Please don’t hesitate to leave me a reply on this post itself or in my ask box. Thank you so much.

Also, side notes:

@hollycornish, I know what I replied to your ask, but I thought sticking to this would be a better ending. Hope you enjoyed it. 

Tag List

@beach–babe @sexyashmike @stomachfilledwithbutterflies @vivianbabz @gotnotfeature @jeleners143 @i-am-coral-grimes @monsis-world @new-adventures-every-day @elaacreditava @hollycornish @arrynscrichton @5-seconds-of-heart-attacks @katiekitty261 @unabashedcandymaker @far-off-dream @fairchild21 @blazeshira @i-had-a-life-once @rowedtheboat @onlyloki @sgtbxckybxrnes @sorryitsaim @justreadingfics @thislittlewordofmine @tamianich @joshuad-n @he-remembers-all-of-them @bloo-moon-freak @-tulipsunflower- @mvasquez492 @thewintersoldiersmetaldick @loveyourselfcreateyourself @lifeasabookbutterfly @the-retired-infant @existingandnotliving @coffeeismylife28 @smomy @mah1c @assbutt-son-of-a-bitch @potatoandfries @broken-pieces @xxchexchickxx @thelordinblue @bubbleboss15 @learisa @emilypkuzu @buckyappreciationsociety @iamwarrenspeace 

@adorableninja I can’t seem to find you anymore. 

This Is Heaven in Hiding (Chapter 16)

Heavy pounding on the door startles Clarke out of her uneasy slumber. The couch is uncomfortable and with the blanket on she’s sweaty, but she doesn’t want to move, get up, acknowledge anything else right now.

She came home in a pile of tears and regret and crashed on the couch. The bed smelling too much like her, holding too many memories. The couch…the couch was the safer option. Her shirt smells like Lexa’s apartment but she can’t take it off, can’t even fucking breathe for the war that is raging inside of her chest.

Lexa’s clipped, hurt voice echoing in her head. Her wide, sad eyes as she retreated to the hotel bathroom. How happy and free she was in bed in the morning, kissing Clarke like a fiend after they had sex.

It’s all haunting her.


  • Aries: They feel overwhelmed, dominated, or controlled. They like having the ability to do things for themselves and controlling their lives, and hate when other people take the reins.
  • Taurus: It takes a lot to make a Taurus cry, so when they cry, it's over a death, a nasty breakup, but betrayal is what really gets the tears flowing.
  • Gemini: They often to cry of manipulate the situation in their favor, but the genuine tears come out when they struggle with themselves, they always have a raging war inside of them.
  • Cancer: Hating wearing their heart on their sleeves, but sometimes failing, Cancers cry over little things. Large things might cause them to lash out, only to end in tears later.
  • Leo: When they don't get their way, when they feel restricted, or betrayed. Among the most loyal of the signs, Leo expects nothing else from the rest of the world.
  • Virgo: Often in the pursuit of perfection, Virgos cry when they feel useless or not good enough. They're often overwhelmed, and their minds are always screaming, they never have a moment of peace.
  • Libra: Librans cry over many things. They cry when they feel insulted, when they feel something isn't fair, but they quickly recover.
  • Scorpio: When Scorpio cries, no one will know. They will shed tears in private, and it will be over a large matter - a nasty breakup, rejection, or death.
  • Sagittarius: Ever the optimist, Sagittarius cries quickly and briefly, it takes a lot to affect them, such as a death of a loved one, or restriction of freedom.
  • Capricorn: Living with the weight of the world on your shoulder takes a toll on Capricorns. They cry when they're under pressure or extremely stressed out.
  • Aquarius: Humanitarians till the very end, Aquas cry for the rest of the world. They feel everyone's pain, even if they pretend not to.
  • Pisces: Sensitive and reactive, Pisces cry over simple things and are unafraid to show their emotions.
Are you quiet when you need to be loved? Or do you raise your voice into a lion’s roar? Will you nudge yourself into my hips? Will you bite my shoulders and say ‘I need you to love me harder today’? Are you softer in the mornings? Which side of the bed do you like to take? Do you sprawl yourself out and steal the covers? Do you sleep naked? Do you take your coffee black? In the summer, do you flip the pillow and sigh when your cheek touches the cold side? Do you keep the windows open at night? If so, how? Aren’t you scared of monsters? Do you know that I’m scared of everything that lives in the dark? Are you aware that sometimes I get so nervous I forget how to move my feet? Can you be patient? Can you be gentle? Do you know how? Is there a quiet war raging inside of you? When you curl your fists and raise your chin, are you donning your armour? Can I help? Can I fight all of your demons with you? I won’t shy away from them, not if it would make you happy. Do you know that I’d stand in the dark in an empty room for you? Do you know that I trust you’d never ask that of me? Do you know that I don’t flinch when you cup my face? Even though if you so much as twitched too hard you could break me? Isn’t this what trust looks like? Isn’t it how I am always skin and emotions for you? Isn’t it saying 'I love you more today than I did yesterday, but it was a whole lot yesterday’? Listen, do you feel safest when you’re holding yourself together? Do you think someday you can let that go? Will you let me take the pieces of you and keep them close? Can you let me love you? Will you learn how to? It doesn’t matter, I’ll wait.
—  Azra.T “34 Questions" 
Safe for Now #8

Summary: Three years after you almost die from a werewolf attack, Peter Hale comes to you, tortured and bloodied, seeking a safe haven. What could possibly go wrong?
Characters in this chapter: Peter Hale, female reader, Derek Hale, Chris Argent, Deucalion, Gerard Argent, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski
Characters mentioned: Kate Argent, Scott McCall
Pairing: Chris Argent x reader, Peter Hale x reader , Past Derek Hale x reader, Derek Hale x Braeden
Word Count: 1,605
Warnings: Language, angst.
Author’s Note: This is my first time writing Peter, so if I get something wrong, I’m sorry. Miss the Beginning?
GIF credit [x][x]


Holding Y/N’s hand, fingers tangled with hers, Peter’s eyes flashed cerulean at the hunter. “Only Scott can save her.”

“What am I supposed to do, bite her?” Scott scoffed.

Peter fixed his gaze on the teenager. “That’s exactly what I want you to do.”

Scott pushed off the ground at the same time that Derek dug his claws into Peter’s shoulder. “If this is your idea of some twisted joke…” Derek left the threat go unvoiced.

“I’m in love with her, Derek,” Peter admitted under his breath. “Tell me you wouldn’t do the exact same thing.”

Derek sighed heavily as he looked at Y/N. Despite the fact that her heart was beating -agonizingly slow- and she was breathing -wet and rattling- Derek could honestly say that he would be asking the same thing of Scott if he were in his uncle’s shoes.

“It’s up to you, kid,” Derek said, wet eyes landing on Scott.

“No, Scott,” Chris roared. “You are not turning Y/N into a werewolf.”

Scott took in the scene before him; Peter Hale, the egotistical asshole that bit him was now asking… no, Peter was begging Scott to save the woman he loved. He may have hated the guy’s guts, but if there had been a chance to save Allison, Scott would have been all over it.

“I’ll do it.”

Keep reading

Dianakko~ Sick Of Losing Soulmates

Part 11/???

Story so far: (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(5.5)(6)(7)(8)(9)(10)(11)

Summary: In a world where you can find out who your soul mate is with their final breath, it is reasonable why Diana grew up to be who she is now. (Soulmate Au- where they are words of soulmate’s is on your skin of when you first meet them or your last)

A/N Thanks for waiting and if I don’t have people screaming at me I will considered my job as an angst writer a failure, that being said… Enjoy~

Chapter 11~Friday part 2

Keep reading

No Matter What Masterlist

A/N: Based off of the song “One Call Away” by Charlie Puth, this will be a multichapter fic with a line of lyric being the headers to break down the thought process of the chapter. None of the lyrics are mine, and they are all in bold - Again, I do not claim to own them, all credit where credit is due.

I do not own Teen Wolf or it’s characters. Sadly.

How to be a Werewolf 101: Getting bitten was the easy part. Controlling the shifts that come after? Not so much. It’d been a long, hard road for you once you were bitten, never quite being able to control the shift even now, almost a year later.

You were always told that Beacon Hills would hold a handful of people willing to drop everything to come an help you, no matter the situation, all you had to do was let them know, and they’d be there. So far you hadn’t had to ask a single time.
But when pride becomes a bigger issue, and the war raging inside of you becomes more and more of a losing battle, you find yourself having to let go, and give in, putting your trust in others once again, instead of yourself, and believing they will do what is best for you, no matter what.

(This is updated as I go, and is current to 11/10/17.)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Lord of Night and Darkness. {Ch 4}

Summary: Following Rhysand’s journal entries through the ACOTAR trilogy. Characters and plot belong to Sarah J Maas. 

Author’s Note: I’ve included it at the end this time, because spoilers. ;) Enjoy!

Originally posted by flyngdream

Day 1

She won.

All that has occurred between the first trial and now…..has been but a distant dream. It already feels like a different lifetime, a haunting memory. 

I’m sitting on the hilltop just outside of the city, my city, admiring its beauty. As soon as I winnowed across the invisible border, I wept. I wept as I watched my people in the village below, safely walking the streets, laughing and loving each other as I had hoped and prayed they would while I was gone. My absence was not in vain. They are safe. It was worth it.

But, for a moment, I had thought we were all doomed.

I had spent every waking moment after she defeated the beast to making sure she stayed alive. I healed her arm, making her a deal as I did so. One week a month, here with me, in my court. She loathed me for it, of course, but that’s only because she doesn’t realize. She’s still under Tamlin’s spell, she isn’t to be blamed. She needs to be here with me, though. Here she is safe. With me, she is safe. With me, she is free.

She deserves freedom. She deserves happiness. Especially after all that she’s done….

Keep reading

The Who Of The What?

Characters: Reader, Sam, Dean

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Probably language, minor injury…nothing else really

Word Count: 3546

Prompt: Flight Attendants

A/N: Heyo! So, this is my fic for @amanda-teaches undercover challenge. As stated above, my prompt was flight attendants, so I hope you enjoy it

unbeta-ed, so all mistakes are mine


Bold=Reader’s thoughts

Flying. You had done it more times than you could count, but there was just something about this particular flight that gave you an uneasy feeling. Since you’d woken up that morning, there was a sort of pit in your stomach. It was like something was trying to tell you not to go, but you had shoved it aside as you went through the motions that led you to where you now made your way onto the plane.

Upon entrance you were expecting the usual perky female flight attendant. You could tell by the way they regarded you whether or not they actually liked their job. You would either get a genuine smile and as much small talk as they could offer before they guided you to your seat or the fakest smile they could muster as they quickly moved you along barely giving you a second glance.

This time however, you were met with a very attractive man. 

Keep reading

Scribble-Doodle: Alec Fray #3

Set in my Alec Fray AU. Jace and Izzy find out about what happened.

“Where’s Alec? Where is he?” Jace blurts out anxiously as he and Izzy barge into their parents’ office, and when he sees Maryse turn away quickly to hide her tears and Robert’s grave expression, he realizes that his most horrible suspicion was true.

Alec was de-runed, exiled

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Imagine Sherlock helping you through your depression.

Sherlock edged into the darkened room, his movements deliberately slow and careful to make sure that he didn’t disturb you.

You had been feeling especially low lately, and he knew that though you would never ask for his help for some obscure reason - embarrassment or the like - he also couldn’t sit there and watch you destroy yourself.

“Y/N?” Sherlock spoke quietly, calmly, as though he was trying to not frighten a wild animal. He approached the bed but didn’t touch you. He knew from personal experience how jarring it was to be ripped from one’s own thoughts abruptly, no matter how destructive and dangerous they were.

“I brought you some tea. It’s surprisingly good.”

The mound on the bed didn’t shift.

Sherlock suppressed a frustrated groan and reminded himself of all the times that you had waited patiently for him to return to you in the land of the living.

He sat down on the edge of your bed and reached out slowly. His hand rested lightly on your shoulder through the duvet and blankets.

Silence reigned for several moments in which Sherlock felt powerless to stop the war raging inside your head. It was an unfamiliar feeling for him, and definitely an unwelcomed one.

Finally, he spoke, his voice deeper and huskier, as though he was close to tears. “Let me help you, Y/N.”

Had the situation been different, he would have smirked triumphantly as your face popped up from the mountain of blankets and duvet. Though the room was dark, the low daylight that still got through the curtains meant that Sherlock could see your reddened eyes. Your voice was hoarse from crying and sobbing, something which broke his heart all over again.

“How can you help me?”

“I don’t know, but I can try.” Sherlock’s tone was solemn, and as he stood up to leave, your hand snaked out of the warm covers and wrapped around his wrist.

He turned back to face you, a frown on his face.

“Stay, Sherlock? You don’t have to, but I -”

Sherlock cut you off by climbing under your covers, though he didn’t bring you into a hug. His hand held the back of your head as he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. 

“We’ll go out for chips later. You deserve it.”

The two of you spent the next hour in silence, side by side in the dark. Sherlock allowed you to hug him, and within moments he was holding you too. You weren’t okay and maybe you never would be, but Sherlock wouldn’t leave you.

@bingewatchingmylifegoby @deanssweetheart23

A voice inside calls to me from far away.
I recognise it well, but I go astray.
It’s a point of white in the darkness.
It’s flesh calling out to stone.
It’s innocence and naivete,
While I am the two-faced world.
I am its cellmate and its jailer.
I hold the keys to all the doors,
But I am a coward, too afraid to open any.
I am the perpetrator and the victim
I am every reason yet I keep asking why.
He is I and I am he.
A war rages inside of me, it’s killing me,
No matter how much I run or flee.
—  A Point of White by Cairokee [This reminded me of Wolfgang]
“Happy International Lesbian Day!”

~ ~ ~ ~

Kara rereads the caption, glances at the date in the corner of her laptop and grins widely, jumping out of her chair, causing it to screech loudly against the wooden floor in her endless excitement.

She races to her bedroom, tapping into her superpowers to search for her phone. Kara darts back and forth between articles of clothing and blankets, only to give a celebratory ‘aha!’ as she found the device underneath her pillow.

Kara zipped back to the kitchen and stared at the screen as she called her favorite person— hoping that today might be the day that things would go back to the way they were again— wide smile taking up half of her face as she bounced on the balls of her feet with impatience. The monotone ringing is abruptly cut off by a familiar voice, deep and raspy from the time of day Kara had called, indicating that the owner of the voice had been woken up by the call.

“Hello?” Alex groggily begins, obviously annoyed that anyone would be awake at such a godawful hour and have enough balls to contact her.

Kara stifles the giggles that rise up at the sound of the agent’s voice. “Hey sleepyhead,” Kara quips back softly, mindful of the fact that Alex had just woke up.

She hears a muffled curse, followed by a dull thud sound. “Kara, uh, hey, what’s up?” Alex responds with a much more attentive tone, but a bit breathy.

Almost unable to contain herself, Kara blurts out, “Happy International Lesbian Day!”

~ ~ ~ ~

“So, what do you plan on doing tonight?”

Alex removes her gaze from the romantic comedy movie playing on the screen and looks down at the blonde snuggled up to her side. Alex pretends to think about the question for a good minute, humming thoughtfully, before shrugging.

“I don’t know. I was thinking about hanging out with this girl I know that has blonde hair and bright blue eyes, maybe watch a few movies, eat potstickers, laugh and have fun for a bit,” Alex muses, “maybe I’ll sleepover, but I haven’t decided yet.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Alex sees Kara deflate for a split second before popping back up with a strained smile etched across her face. She drops her act immediately, turning around fully to face Kara completely.

“I’m talking about you, by the way,” she gently reassures the alien, who’s face comically brightens up with genuine glee. Alex sees the pout coming and prepares herself for the careful punch thrown to her shoulder.

“You’re a jerk,” Kara states, mumbling as she reaches for another potsticker and pulls the blanket away from Alex pettily. She purposefully keeps her gaze directed toward the film playing, showing a man hopelessly falling head over heels over his romantic interest for the movie as he first catches sight of them.

Alex can’t help the burst of laughter that makes its way out of her mouth.

Kara pouts, but as Alex wraps her arms around the kryptonian, she senses the giggle that replaces it with a smile. Alex ignores the flutter in her stomach as the alien ends up shoving her face down on the scientist’s neck, the giggles rumble through Kara’s body.

Her laughs fade away as Alex simply hugs Kara close to her. She feels Kara do the same, the room growing quieter, with the exception of the film playing on the television.

They sit there for a while, relaxing and taking in this special moment they have together.

Recently, Alex had been spending more and more time at work, for reasons she doesn’t want to think about just yet, and on missions that could very well cost Alex her life. She had been reluctant to accept Kara’s invitation to spend time together, seeing as every time Alex saw the alien, thoughts and feelings that she wouldn’t dare identify rose up from deep inside of her.

However, the bubbly kryptonian had sounded so excited and happy to celebrate with her, even if it were to be for a few minutes.

Alex didn’t have it in her to deny Kara this time.

So she had called J’onn and told him that she’d need a day off, to which he had completely agreed wholeheartedly, not even putting up much of a fight or asking questions. Alex rolled her eyes when he had told her to take it easy right before he hung up.

By the time Alex had made it to Kara’s apartment, the sun was high in the sky, shining down its rays, reminding the brunette of the cheery blonde she loves dearly.

Alex remembers that her knuckles barely connected with the door before a blonde puppy had slammed into her, squeezing her tightly, a bit of super strength bleeding through. She was used to the way Kara could allow herself to let go around Alex, so it didn’t bother her as much as it had surprised her, in fact, Alex loves when the alien would let go in moments like these— in moments with her— because she knows how much pressure it is for Kara to measure her strength every time she makes contact with something new or foreign, or on rough days where everything becomes too much for her.

Alex snaps out of her thoughts as Kara breaks the comfortable silence between them.

“Are you really gonna spend the night with me?” Kara mumbles against Alex’s skin, ignorant to the shiver it sends down the brunette’s spine.

Alex breaths in shakily, “Yeah, of course.” She keeps her breathing as steady as possible, but with Kara’s lips pressed against her neck, her nerves were set on fire and it just wasn’t easy to pretend that her heart wasn’t hammering against her chest rapidly.

She makes an effort to refocus on the movie, only to tear her eyes away so fast she may have gotten whiplash. Alex accidentally hits her head against Kara’s, which would’ve been fine if Kara wasn’t a literal goddess that couldn’t be harmed by a puny human such as herself.

Alex hisses in pain as Kara scrambles back to sit on the agent’s lap, frantic apologies tumbling past her lips. Alex shakes her head, opening her eyes to find Kara’s concerned blue eyes staring at her lips.

She blinks, sees that Kara continues to gaze at her lips, and brings one of her fingers against her lower lip, only to wince at the sting it caused. Alex looks down at the finger, a droplet of blood coating the tip, and sighs.

“Kara, it’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.”


“No, it wasn’t,” Alex interrupts, “it was my fault for not thinking straight.”

Alex freezes in horror, immediately wishing she could take back her words the moment they left her traitorous mouth.

Kara snorted, “I didn’t know you could think straight.”

Alex groans, but inwardly lets out a breath of relief. She didn’t want Kara to blame herself for something Alex caused. As she lays back down on the couch, Alex feels the tips of her ears heat up as she remembers the explicit scene between two women on the screen and finds herself comparing it to her position with Kara, who’s currently still sitting directly on her lap.

Alex holds her breath as Kara follows her lead and lays her head back down against the scientist’s neck. She wishes she could blame the blanket and the addition of the kryptonian’s body heat for the rise in temperature in her body, but that would be a blatant lie.

“Why’d you move so fast anyways?” Kara asks, as innocent as ever, with a concerned tone.

Alex bites the inside of her cheek as Kara’s breath hits her heated skin.

“I-It was nothing, just saw something I wasn’t expecting.”

Kara hums against her neck, bringing Alex an inch closer to an internal death. She tenses up, hoping the kryptonian wouldn’t be able to hear her blood rush through her ears or the thundering of her heart.

That wasn’t the case, however, as Kara lifts her head up from the agent’s neck with a worried expression on her face.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kara places a hand where Alex’s heart is located, but keeps her gaze locked with the brunette’s panicked, brown eyes.

Alex doesn’t trust herself to speak at this point, so she nods dumbly.

Kara looks skeptical, “Your heart is beating faster than normal.”

Hastily, Alex scrambles to her feet, finding that the closer she is to Kara the harder it gets to think coherently, and the agent can’t afford to lose herself in her twisted desires.

“I should,” Alex’s voice breaks in her rush to leave the apartment, “I have to go. There’s something I have to do at the D.E.O, and it’s really important, so I have to go. Right now.”

Alex hears a scoff behind her, before the angered alien blocks her path.

She sees Kara ball up her hands into clenched fists. “Why have you been avoiding me?” Kara barks out weakly, blue eyes begging for an answer that Alex can’t give.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alex protests stubbornly, unwilling to face the growing feelings for the woman in front of her.

Kara gives a short, mirthless laugh.

“You haven’t looked me in the eye for weeks, not until today,” Kara says with a resigned tone, “I thought— hoped, really— that things would go back to normal. That, whatever it is you’re going through, you’d tell me so I could help you, or at the very least try to. But you won’t let me in, and it hurts.”

Alex raises her brown-eyed gaze from the floor and looks into those teary blue eyes and makes an impulsive decision. It’s her fault that Kara is hurting, her fault that she’s crying.

She fidgets with the ends of her signature leather jacket, “I don’t know how to say it.” Alex finds herself subconsciously inching herself closer and closer to Kara, desperate to find a way to comfort her.

“Then I don’t know how to help you,” Kara whispers as Alex stops directly in front of her, an arm’s length away.

Alex loses herself in Kara’s eyes, a war raging inside of her as she tries to put thoughts and feelings together in a way that she could communicate to Kara, but a desire— a need— overwhelms Alex. The internal war pauses, any coherent thoughts dissipate as Alex presses a tender kiss against Kara’s lips.

It’s gentle and soft, barely considered a kiss, but it’s enough for Alex. Her body moves without her consent, hand coming up to cup the frozen kryptonian’s cheek. A knot inside of her stomach untangles as Alex relaxes into the kiss, feeling ever so right for the first time in weeks.

Then Alex catches a whiff of Kara’s familiar scent— the scent of home— and she backs away slowly as her thoughts race back to her.

The thought of what exactly she had just done slaps her back into reality.

Alex’s heart beats wildly against her ribs, threatening to leave bruises. “I-I didn’t, that wasn’t what I—”

Her words are cut off by the soft smile that Alex loves connecting with hers in one delicate move.

~ ~ ~ ~

anonymous asked:

Could you make a post about the body language during the porn story? Jared and Misha seem to be cracking up loving it and Jensen always seems so nervous, like, guys, no. Could you talk about how their responses all vary during that story and what it could mean about how they feel about sexuality, their own relationships with each other, and any other thoughts. :)

As Jared sinfully begins his tell, Misha is clearly reliving it, and Jensen is trying his best to shrink away and disappear bc he knows what’s coming, but of course there is amusement in his face. However as he mentions the gay porn, Jensen inflates on himself lol. Covering his eyes he clearly wishes to be anywhere but there. It was worse years ago. I remember it happened in Australia during the shirt auction and when something super gay happened, Jensen practically wanted to run off stage! I made a post about that and added the video of that panel here (X) How far he’s come.

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2014 Upcoming Fiction Reads Written By Authors of Color

A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki (Jan 31st, 2013) - In Tokyo, 16-old Nao has decided there’s only one escape from her aching loneliness and her classmates’ bullying. But before she ends it all, Nao first plans to document the life of her great grandmother, a Buddhist nun who’s lived more than a century. A diary is Nao’s only solace—and will touch lives in ways she can scarcely imagine. Across the Pacific, we meet Ruth, a novelist living on a remote island who discovers a collection of artifacts washed ashore in a Hello Kitty lunchbox—possibly debris from the devastating 2011 tsunami. As the mystery of its contents unfolds, Ruth is pulled into the past, into Nao’s drama and her unknown fate, and forward into her own future. 

Soy Sauce For Beginners by Kristin Che(Jan 7th, 2014):  Gretchen Lin, adrift at the age of thirty, leaves behind a floundering marriage in San Francisco to return to her Singapore home, where she confronts the challenges of her mother’s alcoholism and her father’s artisanal soy sauce business before being pulled into a family controversy.  In the midst of increasing pressure from her father to remain permanently in Singapore—and pressure from her mother to do just the opposite—Gretchen must decide whether she will return to her marriage and her graduate studies at the San Francisco Conservatory, or sacrifice everything and join her family’s crusade to spread artisanal soy sauce to the world.

 On Such a Full Sea by Chang-rae Lee (Jan 7th, 2014): In a dystopian American future where declining urban neighborhoods have been transformed into highwalled, self-contained labor colonies whose Chinese immigrant residents work catching fish for the surrounding elites. In this world lives Fan, a female fish-tank diver, who leaves her home in the B-Mor settlement (once known as Baltimore), when the man she loves mysteriously disappears. Fan’s journey to find him takes her out of the safety of B-Mor, through the anarchic Open Counties, where crime is rampant with scant governmental oversight, and to a faraway charter village, in a quest that will soon become legend to those she left behind.

 The Radiance of Tomorrow by Ishmael Beah (Jan 7th, 2014): Beah’s debut novel tells the story of two friends Benjamin and Bockarie, who return to their hometown, Imperi, after the civil war. The village is in ruins, the ground covered in bones. As more villagers begin to come back, Benjamin and Bockarie try to forge a new community by taking up their former posts as teachers, but they’re beset by obstacles: a scarcity of food; a rash of murders, thievery, rape, and retaliation; and the depredations of a foreign mining company intent on sullying the town’s water supply and blocking its paths with electric wires. As Benjamin and Bockarie search for a way to restore order, they’re forced to reckon with the uncertainty of their past and future alike.

 The Secret History of Las Vegas by Chris Abani (Jan 7th, 2014):  Salazar, a detective, is determined to solve a string of recent murders before he retires. He enlists the help of an expert in psychopathy, Dr. Sunil Singh, who is haunted by a betrayal of his loved ones in apartheid South Africa. But Sunil’s own troubled past is fast on his heels in the form of a would-be assassin.

 A Teaspoon of Earth and Sea by Dina Nayeri (Jan 7th, 2014) - Growing up in a small rice-farming village in 1980s Iran, 12-year-old Saba Hafezi and her twin sister, Mahtab, are captivated by America. They keep lists of English words and collect illegal Life magazines, television shows, and rock music. So when her mother and sister disappear, leaving Saba and her father alone in Iran, Saba is certain that they have moved to America without her. As she grows up in the warmth and community of her local village, falls in and out of love, and struggles with the limited possibilities in post-revolutionary Iran, Saba envisions that there is another way for her story to unfold. And where Saba’s world has all the grit and brutality of real life under the new Islamic regime, her sister’s experience gives her a freedom and control that Saba can only dream of.

 Foreign Gods, Inc by Okey Ndibe (Jan 11th, 2014) - Foreign Gods, Inc., tells the story of Ike, a New York-based Nigerian cab driver who sets out to steal the statue of an ancient war deity from his home village and sell it to a New York gallery. As Ike travels back to Nigeria to steal the statue, he must deal with old friends, family, and a mounting conflict between those in the village who worship the deity, and those who practice Christianity. 

 The Death Class by Erika Hayashi (Jan 14th, 2014) - Why does a college course on death have a three-year waiting list?  When nurse Norma Bowe decided to teach a course on death at a college in New Jersey, she never expected it to be popular. But year after year students crowd into her classroom, and the reason is clear: Norma’s “death class” is really about how to make the most of what poet Mary Oliver famously called our “one wild and precious life.” By following her over four years, award-winning journalist Erika Hayasaki shows how Norma steers four extraordinary students from their tormented families and neighborhoods toward happiness: she rescues one young woman from her suicidal mother, helps a young man manage his schizophrenic brother, and inspires another to leave his gang life behind. Through this unorthodox class on death, Norma helps kids who are barely hanging on to understand not only the value of their own lives, but also the secret of fulfillment: to throw yourself into helping others.

 Slavery’s Exiles: The Story of American Maroons by Sylviane A. Diouf (Jan 17th, 2014) - Over more than two centuries men, women, and children escaped from slavery to make the Southern wilderness their home. They hid in the mountains of Virginia and the low swamps of South Carolina; they stayed in the neighborhood or paddled their way to secluded places; they buried themselves underground or built comfortable settlements. Known as maroons, they lived on their own or set up communities in swamps or other areas where they were not likely to be discovered. To survive, the American maroons reinvented themselves, defied slave society, enforced their own definition of freedom and dared create their own alternative to what the country had delineated as being black men and women’s proper place. Audacious, self-confident, autonomous, sometimes self-sufficient, always self-governing; their very existence was a repudiation of the basic tenets of slavery. (Nonfiction)

Boy in the Twilight: Hidden Stories of China by Yu Hua (Jan 21st, 2014) -  From the acclaimed author of Brothers and To Live: thirteen audacious stories that resonate with the beauty, grittiness, and exquisite irony of everyday life in China.

 The Secret of Magic by Deborah Johnson (Jan 21st, 2014) - In 1946, a young female attorney from New York City attempts the impossible: attaining justice for a black man in the Deep South. Regina Robichard works for Thurgood Marshall, who receives an unusual letter asking the NAACP to investigate the murder of a returning black war hero. It is signed by M. P. Calhoun, the most reclusive author in the country. As a child, Regina was captivated by Calhoun’s The Secret of Magic, a novel in which white and black children played together in a magical forest. Once down in Mississippi, Regina finds that nothing in the South is as it seems. She must navigate the muddy waters of racism, relationships, and her own tragic past.

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Try Again (Part 1/4)

By: ProMarvelFanGirl

Word count: 761

Pairing:  Steve x Reader, Bucky x Nat

Warnings: None

Part 1 of 4

You don’t know how it happened, four days ago you were just fine, ready to enjoy the wedding of two of your best friends.   Now you were conflicted and didn’t know what to do.  You stand beside Natasha and watch the official begin her and Bucky’s wedding.  You have a bright smile on your face but inside a war was raging inside you.   You sneak a glance at Steve and find he is staring at you with a large smile from the other side of Bucky.

-4 days ago-

You sat beside Steve on the jet, both of you reading your books, enjoying the flight.  You sneak a glance at him and smile.  You and Steve had dated for a year and the timing just wasn’t right so you split up.  You were just glad you two remained friends and everything was normal.  Natasha and Bucky were getting married and all the Avengers were flying to a private island resort for the wedding.  You meet Steve’s eye and you both set your books down.  

“No date?” You ask with a grin turning slightly towards Steve.

“No” he replies with a grimace. “I was gonna take Stephanie from data but all she kept asking me was if Thor was going.”

You roll your eyes, “Why do you insist on dating girls who are only out to get something. You need to choose better.”

Steve scoffs, “Well what about you?  Where the hell is your date?”

“Language Mr. America,   Campbell in weapons was suppose to be my date but kept asking if you were going to be there.” You reply with a smirk.

“I TOLD YOU! I told you he had a crush on me.” Steve said pointing at you accusingly all the while laughing.

You begin to laugh with him adjusting yourself in the seat so that you were facing him.  You take in his smiling face.  You always loved the way his eyes crinkled in the corners and the way the his teeth were perfectly straight.  You snapped yourself back to reality to focus on what he was saying to you.

“So I guess we are going to be each other’s dates.  Which works since usually the best man and maid of honor hook up at weddings right?”  He questions with a laugh.  You know he is joking but you swear you see a glimmer of hope in his eyes for a brief moment.

“I guess you’re right.” You say with a shy smile, “Steve do you think -”

You are cut off by Bucky walking towards you and plopping on the seat across the aisle.  “What’s going on with you too? I need a break from Nat, someone is going to get murdered before this wedding is over.”

“Y/n was just about to ask me something.” Steve says slightly annoyed. He and Bucky both turn to you looking expectant.

“It was nothing, I better go check on Natasha so she doesn’t end up in jail before the wedding night.”  You grab your book and stand waiting for Steve to let you out of the row.   

Steve looked at you curiously and as you are about to walk away he grabs your wrist lightly, “Hey you okay?”

You give him a slight smile, “Fine. We can talk later.”  

He releases your wrist and lets you walk away just like he did a year ago.  He turns to Bucky who has a cheeky grin on his face.

“Shut up Buck.” He says rolling his eyes looking back at his book.

“Still hung up on Y/n huh?”  Steve shrugs at him, “Well you know love is the theme of the weekend, never know what can happen.”

Steve chuckles, “You’re a punk you know that.  Focus on marrying your girl.”


You walk over to Nat and sit in what you assume is Bucky’s empty seat.   Nat is on her computer typing furiously.   

“These people are idiots.  They messed up the rooms at the resort.  I am going to kill them when we get there.”  Nat seethes.

“Nat, calm down it can’t be all that bad.  Who doesn’t have a room?” You say in a calm voice.

“Well there is 2 rooms for 4 people.”  Nats begins slowly looking behind her before turning back to look at you.

“Who are the four?  Maybe they will be willing to share?” You say smiling at her, she can’t even keep her eyes off of Bucky when he is just a few steps away.

She turns to you with a sly smile, “Jane, Thor, Steve, and you.”

(a/n Please let me know if you like I love feedback)

@marvelfanfichq @firewolfkelly

Faded: The Finale. (or is it?)

A/N; This is the longest fic I have ever written. Also I would just like to mention I’m sorry for what will happen. Just remember, I love you all so much. xoxo

@completedylantrash @dumbass-stilinski @mystic-biscuit @smutandahalf @stilinski-jpeg @aworldinsideaperson @hopemccorriston   <3

Pairing: StilesxReader

Author: thelittlestkitsune

Request: No

Warnings: Smut.

Word count:  5655

Part one.   Part two.   Part three.  Part four.  Part five.   Part six.  Part seven.

Based on this song and this one

Originally posted by anotheruniversee

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Winter’s Witch Part 9

Pairing: Reader x Bucky Barnes
Summary: Bucky Barnes had just escaped his captors, Hydra. He didn’t know where to go, or what to do. Somehow, he manages to stumble into a girl’s apartment who he’s met before. The twist is- she’s not your average girl.
Word Count: 3.1K

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

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