wanting nothing but consolation

“There is nothing that can console me now.”

I just want to say that

Despite the fact that I am incredibly upset about Athelstan’s death, I am awed by the beauty of his an Ragnar’s relationship. Just think: Ragnar is a Norse pagan, a pirate no less, who originally scoffed at the idea of Christianity, but he is so respectful of Athelstan in every way. When Athelstan ran to him (he was so excited too ToT) to tell him that he had found his faith as a Christian again and was renouncing the Norse gods, Ragnar didn’t even seem to flinch. Instead, he seemed genuinely happy for him.

Even after Athelstan’s death, he carries him to the same place the two said the Lord’s Prayer together, buries him, and makes a makeshift cross out of his shovel. These practices are entirely foreign to him. But he still does them to respect his closest friend. He may not believe in Athelstan’s religion, but

there is no doubt that

he loved Athelstan with all of his heart. 

when asked
to name what I couldn’t live without
were I marooned on a desert island,
I say viable organs. Not a book and its pages
slipping from cheap binding
and not an album
that’s not an album
but summer’s totem forever
and not one deft lover
and not the red ringlets
of her hair let down in a grotto beside the sea.
To be consigned there,
to that island, that home
to the fetish of consolation,
is nothing I ever want
to want. To be stripped of desire
as if it were a bandage.
But here in the night made of alarms,
a train shambles
through the dark
and it’s hard to hear the trees speaking
the language we made
for them. Or I did,
thinking of you
who taught me regret.
There are nights when I dream
of stolen oranges.
How we ran away with the sun in our arms.
And there are nights
when I can’t speak,
not even to the wind
in the strange tongue of the dark pine trees.
—  Paul Guest, from “At Night, in November, Trying Not To Think of Asphodel,” My Index of Slightly Horrifying Knowledge: Poems (Ecco, 2008) 

so many video game muses have followed me and im. lost and confused