wanted to kill yourself

anonymous asked:

For your suicidal anon - Not committing suicidal is not "wussing out" it's showing how strong you are and how strong you can be. It's giving death the finger and pushing forward because you can be so much better. Please stay alive, please reconsider.

!!! this is a super important point, thank you sm for sending this!! i hope the anon sees this, there are so many people that care about you and that want you to stay alive. please don’t kill yourself, please please reconsider.

Remember Hellenic Polytheists...

Aphrodite wants you to be nice to yourself and your body because she thinks it’s beautiful

Apollo cares about your mental health

Dionysus wants you to relax and enjoy life

Hermes appreciates your puns and pranks and silly antics 

Hephaestus thinks you’re hella talented and inspiring as is

Artemis believes you’re strong enough to fight off the bullshit people throw at you

Ares wants you to keep fighting 

Athena believes in you - your intelligence and capability

Poseidon knows that you can be as calm as a lake’s current or as fearsome as an earthquake

Hestia wants you to be safe and comfortable

Persephone wants you to stop and smell the roses

Hera has a beautiful future planned for you

Hades doesn’t want you to kill yourself tonight

and remember, if all else fails,

Zeus would totally start a shit-storm over you

relatable bpd shit

- getting nauseous while feeling an emotion really strongly

- romanticizing death but getting angry when others do it

- random violent intrusive thoughts

- reading posts like these and not relating to every single point and feeling like you’re a fake borderline

- “i just met you but I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU”

- “..nvm i hate you fuck off”

- finding identity in the simplest things, like songs and movies

- literally wanting to kill yourself if anything goes wrong

- breaking down at every realization that you have to live with this forever.

I don’t have enough energy or motivation to actually sit and flesh this story out, but its been stuck in my head for ages and like… just imagine Kara deciding to shed her identity as Kara Danvers in order to focus on being Supergirl (because of an accident, or she was too busy with personal life to make it in time to save someone, etc), and Lena Luthor investigates because “what the hell is with all these inconsistencies on her death? first an allergy, then a car crash, and now she’s been lost at sea? wtf is going on??”

But srsly, just imagine:

  • “What do you mean you want to kill yourself?” Alex asks, face twisted in bewilderment. “Jesus!” she exclaims, burying her face in her hands. “They don’t make Prozac strong enough for Kryptonian metabolisms!” And it takes awhile, but Kara is eventually able to calm her down (and has to steal her phone mid-way to keep her from calling their mom on her) and explain that she doesn’t actually want to kill herself, just the Kara Danvers side of her so that she can be Supergirl full time.
  • It takes a long time to convince Alex of her plan, and even longer to get J’onn’s approval, but a week later Kara Danvers no longer exists and Supergirl has full reign of crime-fighting in National City.
  • A few days later, Lena Luthor is browsing through the daily paper and is struck dumb by one of the names in the obituaries. “Kara Danvers, 25, cause of death: peanut allergy.” It suddenly makes sense why she hasn’t heard from the bubbly reporter in well over a week, but she’s also extremely confused because she swears she’s seen Kara devour a super-sized bag of trail mix and then ask for a PB&J to wash it all down.
  • (Ofc, Alex is positively pissed. “A peanut allergy?” she cries, throwing the paper down atop her sister’s new desk at the DEO. “What?” Kara asks, innocently. “Statistically, peanut allergies are the highest-…” “SAVE IT.”)
  • Lena rushes over to CatCo, demanding to speak with Kara’s former boss because it can’t possibly be true. Kara can’t really be dead. When she finally confronts the balding Carr, all he offers is a shrug and, “I dunno, I heard she fell off a cliff or something.” And Lena is just, “.. or something?? How does one fall off a cliff or something!?
  • She forces her way into James’s office, interrupting a meeting with one of his editors, but a single glare is all it takes to clear the room. “I’m sorry,” James apologizes, avoiding eye contact. “She went to visit her family in Midvale, and was hit by a drunk driver.”
  • Now Lena is confused, angry, and a little bit hurt. All she’s getting is the run-around, nothing adds up, and all she wants to know is if her friend is alive. She returns to her office, cancels all her meetings and work for the day, and drowns her sorrow in a bottle of scotch or two.
  • Later that night, she’s sprawled across the couch, nursing a headache and a full pitcher of water when she spots Supergirl fly by. Suddenly, she’s up and out the door of her balcony, because surely, if anyone were to know what had happened to Kara, it would be Supergirl! They were close, apparently, so why not?
  • Kara, who is leisurely patrolling the neighborhood, screeches to a halt mid-flight as a black stiletto flies past her. She turns just in time to watch as a half-drunk Lena Luthor stumbles, stripping off her second shoe before flinging it once more in her direction.
  • Baffled by the flying footwear, she gently goads Lena back into her office, nodding patiently along as the Luthor babbles so quickly, not even she can keep up. Eventually, she’s able to piece enough of it together, and her face goes red with shame. She knew she’d forgotten something!
  • Lena watches as Supergirl turns bashful, nothing like the strong, confident woman she’d come to admire. She isn’t sure if its the alcohol, but something feels strangely familiar with the way she fidgets, and though her vision has doubled, it’s like seeing Kara Danvers and Supergirl standing side-by-side.
  • Then it hits her, and Lena wants to cry. She interrupts Supergirl, who is in the middle of a tragic tale about Kara drowning at sea, and asks her to close her eyes. Kara, as expected, is confused, but chalks it up to the strange request of a drunk woman and obliges. Lena grabs her reading glasses off the desk and slips them onto Supergirl, and the resemblance is so uncanny, her suspicions can’t be anything but true.
  • The next thing Kara knows, she’s being smacked across the head with a flower vase. And then a book. And really, anything else a furious Lena Luthor can get her hands on. It doesn’t hurt. She hardly feels it. But the tears brimming in Lena’s eyes… well, those are downright painful, and she lets the woman vent her frustrations as she yells, and scolds, and screams about how she thought she’d lost the only person she cared for in National City - perhaps in all the world.
  • Eventually, she stops being angry, and all she can do is fling herself into Kara’s arms and squeeze her with all the strength she has. Kara holds her, letting her cry, apologizing profusely between her every hiccup and sob.
  • “I wanted to tell you,” she promises, “Really, I did. You’re one of my best friends, and I care about you too much to put that burden on you. Not when you’re already a big enough target for your name, and I just.. I’m just not strong enough…” “To protect me?” “No, to lose you..” And Lena half-sobs, half-laughs, “And you think I am?” “Lena,s you’re the strongest person I know.”
  • Then Kara explains how she wanted to devote her full time to being Supergirl because the world needs her more, and Lena tells her, “you can’t save everyone, and you need to live a balanced life. that means Kara Danvers AND Supergirl, together.” Because Kara is totally whipped, she lets Lena convince her to rethink her decision, and makes up a story for Kara Danvers to come back.
  • Ofc, she can’t go back to CatCo though, because that’d be really weird with everyone thinking she was dead (they had a memorial!). Lena takes her on at L-Corp as a PR agent, where she can keep a better eye on her and make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid like this ever again
I quote the cancer crew so much in my day to day life and no one ever understands what I'm talking about.

“What are you fucking gay?”
“I don’t know why God won’t grant me the sweet release of death.”
“I have crippling depression.”
“Miss me with that gay shit.”
“🎶Shut the fuck up, you’re a fucking cunt🎶”
“That was fucking delicious, eggs on toast.”
“ThAt’S eDgY aS FUCK”
“HOTTO DOGUUUU”
“No amount of guns or xanax can free me from the crippling loneliness.”
“🎶Please, please, kill yourself🎶”
“Slimy leech cunt.”
“Ey b0ss.”
“I want to die.”
“ITS TIME TO STOP.”
“I have osteoporosis.”
“Heeeey that’s pretty good.”
“Gibe da pusi b0ss.”
“Nyeeeees.”
“Aw hell yeah.”
“M-m-m-money shot.”

Context: Our rogue’s player, who tends to be a bit of a lurker and soft spoken recently got a job in retail.

Rogue (OOC): Wait, so the gnome ignored me and went and grabbed the potion before I checked for traps?
DM: I guess?
Rogue (OOC): Alright, my character punches him as hard as she can in the jaw.

Rogue: LISTEN UP, FUCKERS. I am sick of your bullshit. I have been busting my ass trying to prevent everyone from being killed by traps. I nearly got fireballed, filled with shrapnel, and I did get turned into a toad. So here’s the deal. You are all going to stand back and listen when I say I’m checking for traps. If you want to kill yourself with a trap, do it on your own time and don’t put the ENTIRE PARTY IN DANGER. Otherwise. You’re a liability. Don’t be a liability. Trust me on that one.

The entire room sort of stares in shocked silence at her yelling.

Ranger (OOC, a long-time retail
worker): See?! Retail makes you give no fucks and take no bullshit. I told you so.

@ everyone with intrusive thoughts

okay I’m not trying to invalidate anyone and their struggles but people really need to talk about intrusive thoughts that aren’t just stuff like “throw your cup across the room” or “eat this leaf” (even tho those must be stressful as well im sorry)

I’m talking about those gross, disgusting, violent thoughts that leave you awake at night afraid you’re going to slip up because it’s just a matter of time
Those thoughts that make you afraid to be alone in a room with anyone/anything you could possibly hurt
Those thoughts that leave you crying in the shower/puking over a toilet because they’re so disgusting and you must be a horrible person for even THINKING them
Those thoughts that make you want to kill yourself because it’s better than having to deal with them

People don’t talk about them enough and that’s why it’s so hard for people who suffer from them to realize that it’s not their fault it’s just the disorder
And to everyone who struggles with this: you’re so brave, I love you, and you’re going to get through this

A lot of people have been asking me “how to I get involved, I don’t know anyone in my area, but I want to help, what do I do”. And I have a kind of short series of suggestions for how to find a place you’re into.

FIRST OFF:
Any org, you should go to it at least once to check it out, see if you like the people, the mission, the way it works in practice, before you start committing yourself to doing stuff. If you feel kinda iffy about it, check out someplace else, or at least go a second time before you commit yourself. Nobody wants you killing yourself with stress over activism and if a place is sketchy, is amazingly ineffective, etc, then stressing yourself out and putting your whole life into that org isn’t going to solve that.

HOW TO FIND THINGS:
In any moderately sized city, there’s going to be some broad range political org. Your ISO’s (international socialist organization), your Black Roses (anarchist peeps). If you don’t know anyone, if you’re new to a city and want to get involved, it might be worthwhile to go to a meeting, because a lot of the people involved in those groups are going to be involved in other stuff and you can talk to them about like where a place to check out would be, who’s sketchy, what groups are misogynistic/homophobic, etc. This can be very important even if you don’t end up going to weekly meetings or planning any actions.

PERSONAL SUGGESTION:
It’s easy to look at the protests, see Richard Spencer getting punched, etc, and think “that’s all activism is, I’m crap if I’m not doing that”. And that’s not the case. If the process of planning and pulling off a protest/march/action isn’t your deal, that’s okay because there are *other things that you can do*. Something that I very much believe in, right now, in a country and a political situation where the welfare state is getting ripped apart, is the importance of mutual aid, the importance of shelters/soup kitchens/free clinics. These gorups are going to be *everywhere*, even in smaller towns, even in suburbs. Recently I checked out a Catholic Worker’s Shelter, and they’re really beautiful places. My first point still applies, but Catholic Worker’s Shelters are everywhere, and checking them out if you want to get involved is a good place to start. Food Not Bombs is also a great organization that gives food to the homeless but again, step 1

FOCUS ON SPECIFIC ISSUES:
I think that there’s a lot (probably more) groups to get involved with that are more single issue groups that may or may not have a “broad range political org” behind them. Some are harder than others to connect with, but they are often more connected to on the ground organizing and communities than political orgs focused on ideology. The best way to find these orgs is too look for community events in the paper, in the internet, and any other popularity community resources such as co-op cork boards and the like. My advice to any person interested in getting involved is to pick ONE issue and stick with it.
also be wary of PIRGs because their work tends to be based around fundraising towards little more than survival

Feel free to add stuff !!

  • cons to having bpd: you will actually want to kill yourself because of a small misconception and until/unless it's turned around, you will literally spend hours crying and wanting to die
  • pros to having bpd: the second that misconception is turned around you will literally and instantly stop feeling suicidal and start making fun of yourself for making such a big deal out of whatever it was that fucked you up

you ever just want to stop existing?

like, you don’t want to kill yourself or get into a terrible accident or anything… just more like *POOF* and you’re gone