Harry was making several attempts to contact you. He called, text, even sent flowers to both the house and your work but he never did attempt to come by the house. The house was beginning to feel so empty and the largeness of it seemed to be haunting you. This was the house the two of you had bought together, the place you had every intention of raising a family in but instead Harry was off starting a family with someone else. You were staring to consider selling it or moving out and letting Harry take it.
You kept waiting for it to appear in the news, that Harry Styles got a girl pregnant, a girl that wasn’t the girl he had been with for the last 4 years. Everyone knew of your relationship, pretty much everyone loved the two of you together and thankfully the breakup had stayed private and out of the media so far but you knew it was only a matter of time especially when everyone found out about the baby.
It was late one night, you had been curled up on the couch watching some chick flick, attempting to take your mind off of everything. It was storming outside, the sound of the steady rain and occasional thunder was also helping calm your mind but your heart gave a jump and you sat up quickly on the couch when there was a loud knock on the front door.
You take small cautious steps towards the front door, it was almost 11 at night. Who would be coming at a time like this? An axe murderer, that was one. But when you peaked out the window beside the door you saw a familiar figure stood in the dull light of the porch light. You yanked open the door and came face to face with Harry Styles for the first time in weeks.
“Harry,” You whisper, taking in the sight of him. His black shirt and jeans were soaked, his hair falling in wet tendrils down his forehead. You took note that clearly the wetness of his cheeks was not just from the rain as his eyes were red and puffy. He also had facial hair, clearly not having shaved in a week or two.
“I need you.” His voice was a raspy plea. This was the voice of a truly broken man and it instantly brought tears to your eyes. You open your mouth to say you couldn’t do it when he cut you off. “I know I have no righ’ to ask for you to help me but please, I can’ do this anymore. I can’ live a life you aren’ in. Just hear me out for a second, alrigh’?” You sigh and find yourself stepping back to allow him to enter.
“Let me get you a towel and dry clothes.” As Harry had never returned for his things, his clothes still took up his half of the closet. You had debated getting rid of them but those colorful silken shirts, the vibrant patterned pants and all of the boots lining the bottom of the closet felt like home and you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You reach for his grey sweatshirt and a pair of black basketball shorts. After grabbing a towel from the linen closet in the bathroom you head back out to him, handing them to him.
“Thank you.” He whispers as he takes them, giving you a weak smile but his eyes were still watery and red. You just gave a nod and looked away before he exited the room, heading for the guest bathroom down the hall. You sat down on the couch, sitting anxiously on the edge of the cushion as you waited for his return. Your mind was racing. What would he say? What would you say?
Once he returned, he placed his wet clothes and the towel on the floor beside the couch and then took a seat beside you. You tried not to note how close he was but his presence, that familiarity of his body heat, sent your heart into a rapid race and caused your breath to hitch in your throat. The two of you sat in silence for what felt like an eternity.
“So, what is it?” You finally ask, your voice low but in the quietness of the large house, you having flipped off the TV while you waited for him to return, made it sound as if you were yelling.
“I have to go to Los Angeles tomorrow to mee’ with her and our lawyers.” He explained, his voice low as he looked down as his tangled hands. “We are goin’ to figure ou’ wha’ we are goin’ to do.”
“So what do you need me for then? I’m not part of this.” And you couldn’t be. That was why you made him leave, after all.
“You can’ come with me? Maybe as moral support?” You can’t help but give a laugh but you stop almost immediately when he looks over at you with watery eyes.
“Harry, I’m sorry, but I can’t. You think I can just fly to LA with you and sit across from that woman as if I’m not totally imagining you fucking her? I’m sorry but no.” You shake your head, willing yourself to stand firm on this but his bottom lip begins to give a quiver and he hangs his head again. “Harry, please,” You reach out, resting your hand on his shoulder. “I can’t.”
“I can’ either.” He whispers, his breathing giving a raspy gasp as he tried to catch his breath and will the sobs not to come. As he hung his head, you saw the tears drip down, disappearing into the carpet below as he leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees.
“I know that this is hard, Harry, but what you’re asking of me…” You trail off, giving a small shake of your head as you move your hand off of his shoulder, tangling your fingers together in your lap to stop yourself from reaching out for his hand like you so desperately wanted to.
“I know, I know I shouldn’ be and I’ve debated coming here to ask because I know how wrong it is.” He shakes his head, giving a sigh and looks up at you. The way his green eyes shined with tears, that furrow in his brow, the creases on his forehead, it killed you and hurt you so badly. “You’ve always been the one tha’ was there to help me through anythin’ and this is the hardest and scariest thing I’ve ever gone through and I don’ know if I can do it withou’ you.”
“You’re asking me to support you while another woman has your baby, Harry. I told you to leave, I broke up with you, because I couldn’t be a part of that, I can’t be.”
“I’m not askin’ you to get back together, love, I’m jus’ asking for you to help me while her and I sort everythin’ out. I jus’ need you to hold me togethe’ for jus’ a little while until it all sinks in. And not as my girlfriend, if tha’s not what you wan’, I get that. As my friend, though, you were my friend firs’, can we not go back to that jus’ while I handle this?” You bring your bottom lip in between your teeth as you look over at him, his eyes pleading. “I need you.” He whispers, just as he had minutes before when you opened the door to him.
“Okay,” You eventually breathed out, not letting yourself over think this. Harry was right, you had been best friends before you dated, you could support him in that way. Or at least you would try. His face finally creeps into a small smile, the first smile he’d had in weeks. He was so grateful for you and that you were willing to do this for him.
So, after talking over flight details Harry left and you curled up in your large and empty bed and cried yourself to sleep, afraid of what you had gotten yourself in to.
The next day, the plane ride was silent and awkward. Neither of you knew what waited in Los Angeles and just being close to each other again was hard enough. You regretted deeply agreeing to do this but it was too late now.
“If I end up not being able to handle this, I’m going to leave. I can’t torture myself like this, not even for you.” You tell him as the two of you enter his Los Angeles home. He had already had this place before the two of you moved in and you didn’t spend much time here as you preferred London but it was still like a home to you but now it felt foreign.
“I understand.” Harry tells you, giving you a weak smile. He still couldn’t believe that you actually came with him. He figured he would have to beg more, plead with you, basically all but drag you to the airport but here you were. He loved you so much in that moment, amazed that even after he hurt you so badly, you still supported him and cared for him enough to do this.
“Wait,” You say, halting in the hallway outside of the master bedroom. Harry’s chest hits your back, having not been able to stop in time with your abrupt stop. “Was it here? Was it here that you…?” You trail off, unable to get the words out as you picture her, rolling around in the sheets of your bed. You turn and look up at him, seeing his furrowed brows as he puts together what you were asking. You hadn’t even thought of that when you agreed to come. You should have gotten a hotel.
“No, of course not. It was at her house.” He explains and a sense of relief washes over you. “I’ll take the guest room, you can have our… I mean my… room.” His voice drops off after realizing his mistake.
“I don’t think I can sleep in there.” You whisper, looking up at him. It was hard enough sleeping in the once shared bed in London, but this room, this bedroom was the place where the two of you had first slept together, the place that had solidified your love for him. Another reason it probably would have killed you to know she had been in that bed. Harry drops yours and his bags that he was carrying as your eyes filled with tears and he pulled you into his arms.
“I’m so sorry. I can’ say sorry enough.” You allow yourself to curl against him, burying your face in his chest as you began to cry freely. You had spent so much time trying to not cry over the last few weeks and now here it all was coming out and you weren’t sure you were able to stop. “Come on.” Harry pulls back to take your hand and leads you down the hall to the guest bedroom. “You should res’ for a bit.”
“Stay with me.” You whisper, reaching out for his hand after he’s guided you onto the bed. He was about to leave the room but just as he needed your comfort, you also needed his.
“Are you sure?” He questions, frowning down at you. He wanted nothing more than to curl up right there in bed with you and hold you close again but he knew how badly he had hurt you, hurt himself even, and didn’t want to make things worse with you.
“Please, Harry.” You all but beg, still gripping at his hand. Your eyes were filled with tears and you knew they had just begun. Harry stares at you, his own green eyes watery, and then gave a nod. He laid slowly down beside you, letting you decide how the two of you would lay together. You grab his arm, tugging it around you as you fold against his side. He has to resist the urge to kiss the top of your head and instead leans back into the pillows as his hand brushes against your arm, trailing across your soft skin.
“Love?” Harry soon questions as he realizes you were in a full on cry in that moment. He felt the wetness on his t-shirt and had felt the shake in your shoulders. As soon as he spoke a sob fell from your lips. “Talk to me, sweetheart.” He tried to pull back to get you to look at him but you took a handful of his shirt in your fists and make him stay where he was.
“I had so many plans for us,” You finally gasp out. “I had pictured our wedding, where we would go for our honeymoon, what kind of dress I wanted, and then even what we would name our children.” You were speaking so fast. Now that the dam had been broken, it seemed you were going to let everything out. Your chest ached, your throat already raw from the sobs. “I wanted to marry you, I wanted to start a family with you.”
“I know, I know, love,” Harry whispers, unable to get his voice any louder. He looks up at the ceiling as the tears leak from his eyes. He takes a deep breath, trying to stay strong and keep it together. He had broken so many times around you lately, it was time for him to take care of you. “I wanted to marry you, too. I’d planned how I was going to ask.” He whispered that last bit as quietly as possible but he knew you had heard when your breath hitched in your throat and you sat up, glaring down at him.
“Don’t,” You spit at him. “Don’t say shit like that. If you really wanted to marry me, if you wanted a life with me, then no matter what kind of fight we had gotten into you wouldn’t have gone to someone else.”
“I messed up, love, but tha’ doesn’ mean I don’ love you or don’ want a life with you.” He argued but you shook your head and rolled away from him. You sat on the other side of the bed as he too sat up, facing you. “I will fight for you, for us, for the res’ of my life. I promise you. I can’ give up on us. I made a mistake, I know, but you are the only one I want a life with.” You can’t help but roll your eyes as you bring your hand up, wiping at your wet cheeks.
“Harry, there is no us to fight for anymore. I will never be able to forgive you, I’ve already told you that. You have someone else to fight for now, you have a child to take care of, that’s what you should be focusing on.” Harry just didn’t know what to say, how to express his regret, his hatred towards himself, and how much he longed for you to forgive him. But he understood. He knew he would probably never forgive you if the situation was reversed but he knew he would at least try.
“I don’ know what to do,” He whispers, his hands pressing into his face. He falls back on the pillows and sighs. Thankfully the tears stayed away. “I can’t raise a child. I’m goin’ to be a shit father.” You sigh and move next to him, pulling a hand from his face so he looks at you.
“You are going to be an amazing father, Harry, don’t doubt yourself. You’re amazing with kids.” And he was, that was why you wanted a family with him one day. He was the most amazing man and would be the most amazing father, you knew that and had no doubts. “No matter the circumstances behind how they came into this world, you are going to love and take care of that child and they will love you so much.” That’s when the tears came back for Harry. He sighs, closing his eyes and turns to bury his face in the pillow beside him. “Do you want to raise the baby with … her .. or .. what is the plan?”
“I don’ know,” Came his muffled response. “Tha’s what the meetin’ tomorrow is, to talk about options.” He had turned to look at you as he continues speaking so you give a nod, biting at your lower lip.
“Do you.. do you think you’ll try being with her? Like .. as a family?” You had pictured it, Harry, his child and this mystery woman happy, smiling, laughing together. It killed you inside as it was always you in her place when you imagined it in the past.
“I don’ want a family with anyone but you.” Harry sits up, having clearly picking up on what you were imagining right now so he pulls you into his arms and kisses the side of your head. “Firs’ thing we’ll do is make sure I’m the father and then go from there.” He explains as you rest your head against his chest.
“Do you want to be the father?” You whisper as you listen to his heartbeat under your ear.
“No,” He mutters back almost immediately. “Bu’ if I am… I’m going to do the righ’ thing and try to raise him or her. I won’ let someone else do it for me. It’s my child and I need to take responsibility.” You lift your head and look up at him, a small smile on your face.
“And no matter how scared you are, you will do it amazingly and that child will love you so much.” He gives a watery smile, one solitary tear falling down his face before he nods. “Does she want the baby?”
“We haven’ talked about it. That’s what the meetin’ tomorrow is for.” He explains with a sigh. “I don’ want to see her..”
“And you think I do?” You meant it as a joke but it came out with a touch of malice and you regretted it when you saw that hurt look on his face. “Did she know? About me?”
“Yes,” He whispers. “I’d gone to a bar after our really bad figh’, drank too much and told her everythin’. I wasn’ thinking clearly and it just.. happened.” He tells you. It pained you so much to hear this but you knew you had to. “I didn’ tell you when I came home and we worked everythin’ out because I was so scared of losin’ you. I knew I would tell you one day bu’… I got home and you were so happy and I couldn’t bare to be the one to make you cry.”
You couldn’t say anything, nothing that you hadn’t said before about the situation. You couldn’t, wouldn’t, forgive him and that you stood firm on. You came to Los Angeles with him as moral support in a friendly sense, and nothing more.
“Does she know you and I broke up?” You wondered then, thinking that maybe if she knew, or when she found out, she would try to get with Harry. You didn’t like imagining it.
“I haven’ spoken to her since she called and told me. I contacted my lawyer the day afte’ you and I … afte’ I left, and he contacted hers. We’ve gone through them eve’ since.” You nod, feeling a bit better at the idea that he wasn’t in contact with her. You couldn’t stand the thought of picturing them talking about baby names or what gender they hoped it was. “Are we ever going to be okay again?” He spoke these words so quietly after a few minutes of silence, neither of you having looked at each other.
“I don’t think so, Harry.” You tell him softly, looking over at him. As he hangs his head and begins to cry again, you stand from the bed. “I can’t, I’m sorry.” You were letting the tears fall again as well.
“Y/N…” He whispers after you but you were already out of the room. After locking yourself in the bathroom down the hall, you slid down the hard wood door, your face in your hands as you truly began to cry. Harry didn’t move from the bed, he curled himself into the pillow beside him and cried just as he had been doing the last few weeks. He should be all cried out by now but somehow.. somehow there always seemed to be more.
* An interviewer from ExtraTV mentions Harry’s reaction to the picture of Ryan Gosling that Nick Grimshaw showed him during that heart monitor game on Radio 1 to Ryan Gosling at the San Diego Comic Con
* The music video for ‘Back To You’ is #1 on iTunes in the US
* Liam meets fans in NYC
* Videos of Liam on stage and performing with Zedd during his set at a nightclub in NYC last night come out
* The ‘Sign of the Times’ music video hits one hundred million views on YouTube
* All of Niall’s Flicker Sessions tour dates are officially sold out
* Louis will be joining Roman Kemp on Capital Breakfast this Monday morning from 6AM UK time
* A video of Niall answering fans’ questions for the MTV Show is released
* Niall, Liam, Harry and Louis are all nominated for the MTV Hottest Summer Superstar and you can vote for them using the hashtag #MTVHottest on Twitter
So this is what we wanted right? Columbia will be good for Harry? And it's still under Sony, but it's not Sony?
I feel like some of you are still confused about the label stuff and I’m definitely not an expert on any of this, but hopefully I can clear it up a little bit.
One Direction was under Columbia and Syco, both of which are under the larger umbrella of Sony. Now, Harry is under Columbia, which is again, under the larger umbrella of Sony. He’s therefore under Columbia AND Sony, just as One Direction was under Columbia AND Sony (and Syco). As for whether it’s what we wanted, well, a lot of us didn’t want to see any of the boys stick with a Sony label (Liam and Niall are under Universal Music Group labels instead, which makes many of us happy) because Sony is definitely responsible for a lot of the terrible shit the boys had to deal with over the years and they definitely have a huge hand in babygate and so on. That being said, I’m assuming that Harry is going to use the record label he created (Erskine Records) and will just use Columbia to distribute his music. From what I’ve read, unlike a normal record deal, a distribution deal would mean that Columbia and Sony have no involvement in the recording process and production of Harry’s music, and then if he also uses his own publishing company (Harry’s is called HSA Publishing), they would also own no portion of the music song rights. That means he has way more control over his music, so that would be a very good thing for him.
And regardless, I think most of us believe that Harry has the wisdom and experience at this point to only sign a deal that benefits him as much as possible and that gives him the opportunity to have the solo career that he wants. One Direction’s success and Harry’s name put him at a huge advantage walking into any negotiations, which is something that wasn’t possible for him or any of the boys when they signed their record deal back at the beginning of their careers. So I am hoping that the terrible shit that Sony has done (which could have been any label, honestly - no record label is “nice” really) will not be repeated with Harry’s solo stuff because he would have hopefully signed a very different and much better deal than he did all those years ago.
am so tired of Louis never being given credit for the wonderful things
he does. These days, literally every single good thing he does, every
gesture, every word; is discredited; brushed off as something he had to
do, a stunt, ‘his team’ doing it, twisted to fit one conspiracy or
other. Can’t we just accept things at face value once in a while, and
acknowledge that maybe Louis just wanted to do something nice, because
he is a good person and he wants to make other people happy?
night was a perfect example of that. I was disappointed not to see him
at the Brits. I had assumed because he was there last year when he had
nothing to promote that this year, he’d go, especially when he had
music to promote, an award to possibly win, and when he did the promo
for the nominees show and said how important they in particular were to him. When he flew in 3 days before, it seemed pretty
much a given that he’d attend. And it was strange to not have him there
and not know why; especially as he was on social media and didn’t appear
at the time to have other things going on. And when he posted the video
it was such a sweet gesture, to show that it was still important to him
that we voted, that he still appreciated the award, that he wasn’t
taking it for granted. And it was great that he was getting to spend
time with his family. Yet I still wasn’t sure why he chose to go back home at
that specific time, why he chose then of the several nights he had
been home to do something with them, especially because it really would
benefit his solo career to be with the music industry people.
I realized that there was a reason for it. Louis specifically chose
that time and that night *because* it was the night of the Brits. His mum went to the Brits with him last year, and I believe she did in
prior years. He spoke very fondly of sharing his first Brit win with
her, and always said how special they were to him. And, his family
probably always watched the Brits together, or, once he was there
himself, attended it. Louis PURPOSELY stayed home to do something with
them, because it was more important to be there for and with them for
support because the Brits was a big thing to his family. Watching it with them
and maybe having dinner or something was his top priority and
he wanted to show that, instead of being about himself and going to
promote himself. Then, to add to that, he then made us a really sweet
video, which was posted only 12 minutes after the award was announced,
proving that while his family means everything to him, he really does
care about us and is grateful for the things he wins too. And not only
did I totally understand it then, but I was so proud of him for it.
seeing people dismiss it and brush it aside and say ‘he could have
tweeted that’ or making it about him refusing to attend the awards show
for some sort of rebellion or to fit some theory, I just felt like I
needed to say something, this time. He went out of his way to make
everyone happy, and why is it never good enough for people? He really
does do special things to show how much he cares whenever he can, and,
too many people dismiss them and turn them into something they’re not.
He deserves more credit in all areas than this fandom ever gives him.