I was a little late to YOI (meaning like, I didn’t watch it until the season was finished and then I binged) and it’s been about a year and I keep wondering why my intense love and fascination haven’t waned. Like, I write a lot of VC fic, but I barely read it because I won’t stop reading YOI fic, it’s all I want to read. Like I haven’t read a fucking book in forever but I’ve read like 5-6 100-200k AUs in the past two months. And I feel like I burned through all the amazing PWPs and stuff LOL so now I’m working through all the ~100k slow burns and AUs and I’M JUST IN YURI ON ICE AU HELL, I CANNOT ESCAPE.
But it’s nice here, I like it.
And I was trying to figure out what it is about these two dorks and why I can’t stop–with VC a lot of my retained interest is simply because I made VC fandom friends who keep me going, but it’s not so with YOI, I only have a couple–but I think it’s because I’ve never seen such a beautiful and accurate and respectful portrayal of what it’s like to live with anxiety, and I connect with it on such a deep level that it just makes my heart burst all the time. It’s become this thing that is at times comforting and at times way too real, and there are scenes that still make me cry on the 20th, 30th, 8000th time and I’m still not desensitized to it.
I think it’s because I just identify with Yuuri, so deeply, so profoundly, and I’m not ready to give him up. But there’s only so much canon-verse I can read and only so many times I can watch the same 4.5 hours of episodes. Reading AUs creates a sort of archetype of him that I can enjoy over and over in different situations. I can see how he interacts with his anxiety and how Victor responds to it and it’s a theme that dominates him as a character just about every time. Or, at least, to my standards, in all the good ones that I choose to stick with.
And I just never really get that in fiction and media. I never see it enough. But it’s so common that it resonates with so many people, and common enough that so many fic writers are able to do it and do it right.
It seems a little silly because you could say this about any fandom and say it about whatever this need is that we have to read AUs and create them and live in them. Everyone who hangs out in fandom long enough can experience it to an extent. But there’s just. Something so special about this guy. I’m ruined!
okay so i LOVE mulan okay. as far as i’m concerned it’s a Perfect Movie and doesn’t need any fixing. but i was thinking today and -
- what if mulan didn’t go to war to save her father?
say her father is dead, okay, killed by the previous war. so she’s raised by her mother and grandmother, women who’s complacency and softness has been worn away by necessity. she needs to marry well, for her family’s sake, because her mother has refused the hand of every man who offered. but mulan is even more rough around the edges than before, is educated not only in books (her mother said men wouldn’t find smarts attractive and grandmother pointed out that men aren’t always around and off to school mulan went) but in the sword too, taught to her by her classmate, ping.
mulan is considered in the lower end of the upper class, coming from a family of military men and scholars and successful merchants. ping is near the top, the son or nephew of an advisor to the emperor. his family is very rich and very important, and the reason they become friends is because mulan manages to notice something about him that he’s been hiding from everyone else - he’s going blind.
not totally blind, enough to get around, but blind enough that reading is difficult and swordplay is even worse, although once he has it down he has it. ping is no fool, he’s not weak or bumbling. his eyes just don’t work. so mulan notices and confronts him about it. she promises to keep it a secret, and hey, she’ll even help him with his assignments by reading the books out loud and helping him study. but in return he must teach her the sword, must teach her about military and tactics. he agrees.
ping and mulan become very good friends and there’s some raised eyebrows about it but they are TOO far away in class for it to be inappropriate, so they make tutting sounds and disapproving faces and let it go.
then the draft happens. ping can’t go to war, he won’t survive it. not with his eyesight like it is. so mulan offers him a deal - she’ll go to war for him, in his place. in return, if she survives, he must marry her. if she dies he must take care of her family.
ping can’t make this kind of family decision on his own, so he goes to his mother and tells her everything, about the eyesight and how he’ll die if he goes and mulan’s offer. his mother says he must keep it a secret from his father, but agrees - if mulan fights in her son’s place and survives, a wedding will be arranged. either way, mulan’s family will be taken care of. ping will be sent to live with some cousins in the meanwhile.
“you’re not in love with me, are you?” ping asks, helping mulan saddle her horse in the middle of the night. she scoffs and rolls her eyes, “not even a little. but marrying you will make my family happy, and besides, you’re my best friend,” she says, smiling, “better you than some grabby old man.” he smiles and hugs her and says, “i’m not in love with you either. but don’t die out there. we have a wedding to plan.”
so mulan goes to the camp, pretending to be ping, and she’s a little bit less lost but things still go as they go. she’s educated and trained, so it’s not hard for her to pass as ping. shang is keeping a special eye on her, thinking that she’s the son of an advisor, one of his father’s friends. and he sees how easily she excels, how quick thinking and smart she is, and starts giving her more and more responsibilities. by the time they’re called out, shang considers ping ie mulan to be his right hand man, and possibly his best friend.
he’s also a little bit in love with ping, and he’s long known he’s attracted to both genders, so he watches ping laugh and smile and the crease between his eyes when he frowns and does his best to let his feelings chase away the best soldier he has. every time shang looks at ping his heart clenches and he things to himself: i wish i could have you, i wish this was a time and a place where one man could have another, i wish you were a girl, is wish i was a girl - i wish we could be together. he’s literally a step away from doodling ‘li ping’ with little hearts over his battle plans.
so the battles happen. shang and ping lead their men together, respected and loved. they each get promoted, and promoted, and promoted. it’s been years, and it comes to a point where they’re both generals in their own right. they trust each other, care for each other. and are both secretly in love with the other.
mulan is so conflicted. because she wants this war to end and to go home and settle back into life and become ping’s wife, so she can have an easy life spent studying and learning with her family taken care of. that’s what she’d wanted. but now what she wants is shang, her best friend, her brother in arms, her fellow general. she wishes to be everything to him, aches to be the woman on his arm and in his bed, but knows it’s the one thing she can never be.
then that final battle happens. mulan’s quick thinking saves them all and ends the war - but she’s injured.
shang finds out the ping has been a girl all along. he demands explanations - so she tells him everything, that she traded places with ping to save him, to become his wife.
and the lies should sting the sharpest, but they don’t. she’s still the same person, after all. it’s that she’s promised to another man, for one second he’d thought he might have her, but no. so he agrees not to reveal her but he’s furious and furious at himself for being furious and they’re not the same now, broken and splintered and neither of them know what to do.
the war is over. they leave. mulan returns home, and thanks to her ping is now known as a respected general. she’s done her part and survived, and now she gets her reward - ping’s hand in marriage.
but she sees ping for the first time and flings herself into his arms and starts crying. she tells him everything, because he’s still her friend, her very best friend besides shang, the man whom she lied to and betrayed and loves. and ping listens and takes her by the shoulders and says - i’ll uphold our bargain, if that’s what you want. you can be my pampered wife, you’ve more than earned it. but if you want to go to shang, i won’t blame you. you deserve your happiness.
and mulan goes back and forth, but ultimately she decides she has to try. if shang rejects her she’ll return and marry ping and uphold her family honor. but if shang wants her - he’s not as high up as ping, but he’s high up enough to satisfy her family, and also she would love him and want him if he was no more than a farming peasant so it doesn’t matter much anyway.
she rides to the capitol. she finally meets ping’s father, running into him while looking for shang. “ah mulan,” says this man who was never supposed to know of her until she became his daughter-in-law, “i didn’t expect to see you here. how fortuitous. walk with me.” she does, wary, and that’s how she discovers - he and the emperor had discovered her deception a year in, but at that point she’d already proven herself too skilled and valuable to lose. he tells her that he will uphold his son and wife’s deal and gladly welcome her to his household - but that she’s earned her rank as general, and that he and the emperor have no problem with letting her keep it.
she says thank you, shocked and joyful, but that she has to talk to someone first. “ah, yes, young general li,” he says, eyes twinkling, “i do believe he’s around here somewhere.”
she has no idea how he seems to know everything, but she finally tracks down shang who’s ecstatic to see her and hates himself for it. she confesses - says she loves him, that she’s engaged to ping but willing and able to break this engagement for shang. who is dumbfounded and elated and says yes, of course, finally and forever.
and mulan accepts her rank and marries shang, and they become the literal power battle couple of the general li mulan and general li shang. ping becomes a scholar and marries a very nice young woman who loves reading and is happy to read aloud to her husband with his failing eyes.
Tonight I watched a meteor shower with a boy. He was a very nice boy- more than nice, he was charming and funny and kind, and we ran barefoot under the stars to dance to our favourite song at the party, and he lent me his blue velvet jacket and pulled me up onto the wall to sit with him. And we watched the shooting stars, and he held my hand and turned his head, and we kissed. And it was a very nice kiss. And that’s why I hated you right at that moment.
Because I know, that every time I ever do something like that; watching silver bursts of light on the midnight blue, or kissing someone with the music playing behind my back, or dipping my legs in the freezing river with my party clothes still on, I will think of you. And I will think of running through the sand dunes and lying with you by the fire on the beach and your guitar and your smell and your brown hands and your hands in my hair and your lips on mine and our favourite songs together, and the ones we wrote together, and the nights we would lie under the same blanket I still use and you would just hold me tight and I would never have bad dreams.
So because of you, the poor boy in the blue velvet smoking jacket can text me and ring me and meet me for coffee, but he will never be you. And I will not love him, and I will think of you every time I look into his eyes, every time I see his blonde hair and not your golden hair, and you will follow me to the ends of the earth.
But as much as I hate you for that, I still love you. And I hate that as well. So I will not send this, but I will write the words to get them out of me, because otherwise I will never be rid of you.
Currently on tour, BTS’ popularity has crossed borders and is spreading around the world!
RAP MONSTER: We came to many countries but Brazil left the most impression on me. I learned for the first that through the local news that they set up tents and stayed outside the concert venue few days ahead to buy our concert tickets. JIMIN: I was really surprised! SUGA: We travel around the world but mostly we just stay inside the hotel. I use the remaining time to make music there. That’s why I always carry around music equipment. RAP MONSTER: You have a pot too. (laughs) He uses an electric pot to boil water and cook ramyeon or instant food he brought from Korea to eat. J-HOPE: It’s really important. I bring a pillow too. It’s not too firm or too soft and fits my neck perfectly. I don’t have to worry even if the hotel’s pillow doesn’t fit! JIN: I play guitar which I’m into lately in the hotel. We all do what each of us wants. V: I bring my favorite book of Gogh and read it. JUNGKOOK: I’m listening to music on my speaker… But the other members often scold me. V: They said it’s too noisy. (laughs) J-HOPE: When we say so he lowers the volume. (laughs) One time Rap Monster scolded him and he turned the volume down, but he couldn’t hear the sound like that so he brought the speaker to his ears to listen. I laughed and asked if he did all of that so he could listen on speaker. JUNGKOOK: I told you the sound is different! RAP MONSTER: What does Jimin bring? JIMIN: I don’t bring anything special. Bringing myself is enough ♡
The real side of each person only the members know.
JIMIN: Our leader Rap Monster-hyung is a clumsy “destruction god”. Not just breaking stuffs, he also loses his phone time to time, tripping when there’s nothing around, or spilling coffee and stain Jin-hyung’s shirt… It happens a lot. (laughs) SUGA: But he’s really smart. He’s got an excellent language ability and he’s the best at Japanese. RAP MONSTER: I’m embarrassed~ V: J-hope is the dance leader, he dances the best. He’s also reliable and takes care of us well. J-HOPE: I’m just doing my job. JUNGKOOK: Are you being humble? (laughs) J-HOPE: I’m serious. (laughs) RAP MONSTER: Jin-hyung - the matnae* - takes care of us well too. He likes food so he cooks for us at the dorm or… JIN: I’m busy recently so I can’t cook at all. I’m not eating a lot for my diet too. SUGA: He shares a room with me. I hate when it’s loud so he always stays quiet for my sake. I like quietness and hate when there are too many people. RAP MONSTER: He suddenly talks about himself when we’re talking about other members. Suga-hyung is really “mypace”**. And he’s always spaced out and lethargic. (laughs) SUGA: I’m lethargic because I need to prepare my energy for music. Told you it all has a meaning! Jimin is “Slow Jimin”, this one word is enough. J-hope is the fastest and Jimin is the slowest. That’s the daily life of BTS. JIN: But Jimin works harder than anyone else. He always dances or sings in the waiting room RAP MONSTER: Is it the result of his effort? He has a cute face and great muscles. SUGA: But… He’s always late. ALL: (laugh) JIMIN: Let’s talk about V next. JUNGKOOK: He really is an amazing person. V: I’m not amazing~ JUNGKOOK: He says that but he’s really amazing. (laughs) He talks out of the topic or question, even when everyone else is all “?”, he ignores and continues. And he forcefully makes everyone understand him. V: I’m working hard on talking to the point too! But what can I do when I can’t think of anything? It’s hard for me too! J-HOPE: I didn’t know that. (laughs) Our maknae Jungkook, as you can see, he’s perfectly handsome. V: Is he always handsome like that? Hmh, is he…? When he sleeps… (giggles) JUNGKOOK: What? (nervous) J-HOPE: Nothing, you’re handsome when you seep too. It’s okay. (laughs)
*matnae: mathyung (eldest hyung) + maknae **mypace: living or doing things without being affected by other people’s opinions or actions
The never-ending chatter of men! The close-knitted 7 people. When asked “What boosts your mood up?”, nearly all of them answered “The members”.
JIN: Sometimes we need to go work on our own… I indeed gets bored. It’s the same when we film individual cuts for music videos, if the members aren’t around I feel lonely. JIMIN: The one who boosts my mood up is our maknae Jungkook. He’s mischievous so he always makes us laugh. But Jungkook said he likes tasty food more than me… JUNGKOOK: Tasty food makes me happy ♡ If there’s food in front of me, I would take a bite out of happiness. Even if I’m full, it’s fine. I’ll get hungry soon after I sleep for a bit. I can keep eating all the time. (laughs)
For the question “What do you want to have at the moment?”, the answers of these 7 people who are busy everyday are!
RAP MONSTER: Time. I want to have some time with my family. I want to travel with my family. We had a concert in Japan last year and my parents along with my sister went on a trip. I couldn’t go with them… I was really upset. J-HOPE: I have never had a family trip before too. I want to travel with my family! JUNGKOOK: I want to travel too. To America or Japan. Who do I want to go with? (glances at J-hope sitting beside) J-hope-hyung ♡ J-HOPE: Wow! I’m happy! Jungkook finally knew how to live in life. (laughs) V: I want to have time too, but I want to have paintings more. I like Gogh the most. There are around 10 paintings in my room. JUNGKOOK: Are they real? J-HOPE: If those are real they would cost hundreds of millions. (laughs) JIN: I want to have an island. I filmed on some island last time and they said it can be bought with 30 billion. RAP MONSTER: You don’t need to buy an island. We’re going to Hawaii or Okinawa anyway. (laughs) Oh snap, it’s time to end the interview! Let’s greet properly for the ending. SUGA: Please listen to our single “Blood, Sweat & Tears” a lot and look forward to our Japan tour too. Please give BTS a lot of love! RAP MONSTER: Our hearts are always… Seventeen ♡
nicky forces neil to get a new phone and eventually neil makes an instagram and as he starts getting more followers he gets more comfortable with having social media and does 60 second Q&A’s with the team at the fans request
the first one he does is with kevin because of popular demand
neil does it on the court after night practice with kevin and he reads a few questions that exy fans have commented on his previous posts
‘kevin, what are you a queen of besides exy? no I’ll answer this, the answer is nothing, kevin sucks”
“fuck off neil” kevin gets serious and the rest of the video is kevin extensively and aggressively talking about exy until the timer cuts off
he does dan next and it’s the cutest 60 second video out there okay dan is sitting next to matt on the couch while neil is filming
he asks her how it feels to be “the best female exy captain in the NCAA” dan gets the biggest smile on her face and scrunches up her nose before she answers
‘oh that’s sweet, who wants to know? I like this person. It feels great! but it’s stressful at times, there is a lot of sexism in the world but I usually ignore it in favor of focusing on how lucky I am to have such a great team.”
matt’s looking at her while she’s talking and u can literally see the love and admiration in his eyes, fans are crying in the comments about how cute they are, so am I
when he does renee, most of the comments are asking about her hair so she explains how she dilutes the bright colors by mixing them with conditioner to make them more pastel
“but that’s the easy part, root upkeep is the worst tho, I hate touch ups.”
neil vaguely knows what she’s talking about cause he’ll sit in the room when andrew helps her with her hair
nicky manages to tell half his life story in 60 seconds
neil uploads a second video of nicky giving advice to queer kids afraid to come out because of strict and religious parents or unsafe home lives
aaron walks away when neil tries to do his so instead neil uploads a five second video that’s just him zooming in on aaron sitting in a beanbag chair playing video games “aaron’s a dick.”
matt gets asked about his boxing background and he beams at the chance to talk about his mom
“she’s so badass, she taught me everything I know, she could kick anyone’s ass” he points at the camera “she’ll kick your ass. better watch out”
allison gives fashion tips, she also roasts neil for how he dressed when he first joined the team “god u guys should have seen him, fucking awful. nicky and I fixed him up tho, but it took a lot of work cause neil likes to make things difficult”
when neil gets to andrew nobody expects him to actually upload anything but when he does the results are hilarious
neil sits next to andrew with the camera frontfaced so half of neil’s face is in the frame, andrew is curled up on the couch with a pint of ice cream and his glasses on “it’s time for your interview andrew”
andrew just stares at him
“why didn’t you sign with the rav- wait that’s a stupid fucking question, we’re not doing that one. alright. how many times have you and aaron been mistaken for one another?”
andrew stares at the camera in silence
“tragic. next question. how are you so good at blocking goals?
“incredible. what is your honest opinion about kevin day?”
andrew stares for a couple seconds before rolling his eyes and getting up to walk away, neil laughs and nods “I agree”
BONUS: andrew has neil’s phone while they’re on the roof, neil is holding his cigarette and andrew starts filming, pointing the camera so you can only see neil
“hey junkie, it’s your turn to be interviewed” “alright”
“how does it feel to finally have a real home?”
neil smiles softly, but he’s looking at andrew not the camera “like I’m finally living, like I’ve got everything I could ever want”
there’s a short pause before you can faintly hear “285%” and the video cuts off